I think I know a little something about people throwing words around.

Yesterday was one of those very good days when everything was going well, the weather was gorgeous, and I was in one of those moods in which I get unreasonably excited about such things as the grocery store having asparagus and strawberries on sale, not to mention those Roasted Tomato and Basil Triscuits, which are the be-all and end-all of crackers, in my opinion.  All other crackers can just GO HOME. 
The rest of the week has been pretty glum, however, and today it’s snowing.  To cheer myself up, I watched this SNL skit, which is one of the funniest ever, about two people continually accidentally offending each other (thanks Allison for posting this).  
I really try to be open-minded about people.  If a guy is rude in Superstore, I try to think that maybe his boss yelled at him or his wife is mad at him.  If someone cuts me off in traffic and then gives me the finger, I think, well, maybe his girlfriend just left him for someone better endowed who could actually satisfy her sexually.  You know, Zen thoughts like that.  For example, someone who was erroneously included on an email distribution list for our school’s Staff Appreciation committee sent a fairly mean email to the people on the list, rather than just simply asking to be taken off the distribution.  I thought, well, maybe that person was just having a really bad day, and receiving seven emails about Thanksgiving and Halloween treats just pushed her over the edge.  (I also snickered a bit about that person’s misspelling of the word “ditto”, which was not so nice on my part.)
But sometimes people are just assholes.  That SNL skit brought to mind a woman I met who – no matter what anyone said in casual conversation – would be completely affronted by everything.  If you mentioned children throwing rocks in the playground, she would huffily say that there was nothing wrong with it.  If you mentioned picking up laundry detergent at Wal-Mart, she would have something to say about your choice of shopping centre. 
A year or so ago, some guy snuck into the Calgary Zoo after hours and scaled a fence surrounding the Siberian tiger enclosure.  He was attacked, of course, and mauled.  I can’t remember if alcohol was a factor, but I certainly hope it was since I would hate to think someone would attempt such a thing sober.  Anyway, there was a discussion about this event by the moms on the playground, and this woman got terribly offended.  Apparently the guy was a friend of hers, and, as she said, he lost his ARM and now he can’t work anymore.  Which is terribly tragic but come on.  The guy scaled a fence in the Siberian tiger enclosure at 1:00 in the morning.  There are now signs all around the zoo warning people NOT to try to enter any of the animal enclosures, just in case anyone else is thinking that may be a fun and reasonable way to spend a weekday evening. 
So, if you’re feeling a bit glum, like me, go ahead and watch this SNL skit, have a laugh, and remember, it’s Friday!


  1. Awesome — whenever I post something I find funny I’m always afraid no one else will find it funny and then it will just be grade one all over again.

    What is UP with people like that? Yeah, it’s not like he was going about his business and the tiger attacked him — he CLIMBED INTO its effing CAGE. It’s like those people that get drunk and jump off a roof into someone’s pool, get paralyzed and then sue whoever owns the pool. Unless you have an insurance policy that specifically insures against your own asshattedness, you’re kind of on your own on those.

  2. They were quite drunk. I have it on good authority. And really, yes he may be a friend of hers, but I’d be like “my friend rolled the dice, now he pays the price.” She sounds just DELIGHTFUL.

    I have never had those crackers but they sound very good.
    Happy snowy Friday.

  3. FUNNIEST post ever!

  4. That skit was so funny. My kind of Friday night.
    I can’t wait to try those Triscuits! I’m always looking for fabulous crackers. I’m a bit obsessed with Vinta right now. Have a great weekend.

  5. Oh, I just realized those crackers are Roasted Tomato and Olive Oil, not Basil. Ooops! They are truly delicious.

  6. Love your Zen thoughts. They sound like mine.

    It’s amazing how many people are just a**holes. Really astounding, actually.

  7. I remember that guy who got mauled. We made jokes about what an idiot he was when we were at the Calgary Zoo last month. And I am quite the opposite of zen and probably would have told that woman to get a grip to her face. I’m not saying that’s good of me but that is what I would do all the same. Also, my nephew only has one arm, I’m not sure how she can say he can’t work. He may not be able to do what he used to do but he can surely work. Learning a new skill would give him time to consider the stupidity of jumping into a tiger cage.

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