T = Valentine’s + Four

Since we were on! vacation! last week, the boys missed their class Valentine parties, and so came home yesterday bearing their “mailboxes” stuffed with cards and candies and miniature Play-Doh’s, causing me a little anxiety for only sending plain old Spiderman Valentines. Remember when there were no rules regarding the handing out of Valentines, and the class party would result in a ruthless popularity contest, what with the obsessive counting of cards received and from whom, and the select group of children who would be dejectedly looking at empty mailboxes, save for those given by children forced by their mothers to address cards for the entire class? That kind of sucked.

Also, there wasn’t quite the Valentine selection back then as there is now, with the wide variety of Disney/ Marvel Comic/ Nick Jr. cards, as well as all the add-ons of stickers, tattoos, and individually wrapped chocolate hearts. Although I will admit that the ultimate Valentine’s gift for me would be one of those retro cards stating “Let’s BEE Friends” complete with a picture of a bumblebee.

From the above statement, it is probably obvious that I’m not a person who really celebrates Valentine’s, in the romantic way anyway, since I love making heart-shaped sugar cookies and eating chocolate kisses. Also, this is the first year that one of my children (JAKE) actually made me a Valentine of his own volition, making it a very special day indeed. But normally I am not a Valentine’s person. In earlier years I would have probably railed against it as some kind of commercial made-up holiday, or some such other completely unique and original idea. Mostly I could just care less about it, maybe because I’m not interested in diamonds or a bouquet of roses, and if I received a giant heart-shaped box of chocolates I would probably down it in one sitting, so it’s best to just leave Valentine’s to the Valentine’s people.

But I did do something special this year. This year I was on! vacation! and I decided that day to go shopping to stores that are not available at home.

As an aside, for all you Canadian readers, remember when it was a huge deal to go shopping in the States, and you could get all sorts of strange and wonderful items not available in Canada? I remember the first time I had a Twinkie. It was gross and weird and highly over-rated, but still I enjoyed it because I couldn’t get them in Canada.

Back to the shopping. I decided, on Valentine’s Day of all days, to go to Victoria’s Secret. People, if you are looking for entertainment, go to Victoria’s Secret on Valentine’s Day. It was packed with men who had evidently forgotten the importance of the date or who just, disastrously, left things to the last minute. They ranged in lingerie-temperament from those who rifled furiously through the various racks to those who just stood staring, clearly overwhelmed with the whole undertaking. Some of the more self-aware approached the counter to announce that they had no idea what to look for, so maybe a gift certificate would be in order?

For any men who may be reading this, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that lingerie is possibly the most deadly, land-mine like gift you can give a woman. Size is the first issue: what man really knows what size his wife or girlfriend is? It’s a tricky one; if you go too small, then the item will be horribly uncomfortable and it will be an awkward exchange. If you go too large, then your wife or girlfriend will be tremendously offended that you thought THAT was her size. Also, and this may be a generalization, but I believe that most men have different lingerie tastes than women do. Otherwise, how to explain the proliferation of tacky red-and-black numbers with feathers and fake fur and matching mule slippers? I can only guess that it is for the desperately-seeking-a-Valentine-gift market.

What do you think? Are you a Valentine’s person? An anti-Valentine’s person? Or are you like me, someone who enjoys Valentine-related treats, but not much else about the holiday?

Here’s me, a few hours after my V-Day shopping spree, with 2/3 of my Valentines.