Category Archives: Festivities

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year, Sears Style

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This weekend was a whirlwind of Christmas cheer activities – there are only FOUR WEEKS until Christmas, people! We actually put the tree up even though it seems early, even for me. This coming weekend is massively busy, and I cannot and will not go into December without the tree, and so this weekend was it, even though it’s five days until we can bust open the Advent calendars. Speaking of Advent calendars, a friend of mine put together craft beer calendars for charity, and I bought one for my husband. I will tell you this: it is an incredibly great idea. She did this last year and sold thirty calendars; this year she made 96, all proceeds to purchase socks and underwear for the Drop-In Centre. She raised over $4700 doing this; that is a LOT of socks and underwear. Bravo, Lyndsey! And sign me up for next year.

So the tree is up, and so are the outdoor decorations. It was a mild weekend, and Calgarians know that you just cannot let a chance like that go by. Seize the day; next weekend will be minus 20, and putting up Christmas lights in those temperatures is not pleasant. My husband not only had a theme for the front yard, but he also decorated our detached garage with coloured lights, and set up the light-up moose in the back yard. I can look out the window while I’m in the kitchen, and feel festive and happy. It’s so dark here now; the sun sets at 4:30 and it’s completely dark by 5:00. As I write this, it is 10:30 am and the house is completely dark. The sky is grey, the snow is grey, it would be pretty damn depressing if I didn’t have glittering light-up icicles on the house to go with the light-up deer, hippo, penguins, and three trees. Our house is glowing, not unlike the Griswold’s, but happily with less power usage.

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Do I look happy?

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I’m excited about my new ornament!

Since the tree is up and the house smells like peppermint-chocolate from my incessant baking, it’s time for everyone’s favourite gift list: NICOLE’S FAVOURITE THINGS FROM THE SEARS WISH BOOK. I picked up the Wish Book back in late August but I’ve held out on sharing because people tend to think poorly of one’s mental state when one talks about Christmas in late August. But oh, the treasures that are in the Sears Wish Book! As we all know, Sears Canada is having financial trouble – mostly because the clientele that frequents the actual store tends to be elderly and the elderly have a bad habit of, um, passing on – but the day the Wish Book becomes unavailable is going to be a sad, sad day, people.

I’m already a little sad because I scoured the catalogue and there is not one Snoopy Sno-Cone Maker. I looked, and looked, and nothing. There’s a whole page of old-timey toys, though.

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Didn’t everyone have that rotary phone and radio? My husband had the radio; it is at my in-laws’ and it still works. That is some quality workmanship. The rotary phone feels like quite the collector’s piece. Again, my in-laws’ have a (non-working) rotary phone at their place and it was a little fascinating for my kids. That’s how you dialed the phone? How did you text? Slinkys, though. Those were awful toys. They were always getting tangled and twisted and even if you could get them to go down the stairs, they would only go down a few steps before stopping. Disappointment.

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Ever since the word came out that Hello Kitty is not an actual kitty, I feel weird when I see this kind of merchandise. It’s like when I watched Stand By Me in my youth – hoo boy, did I have a thing for Kiefer Sutherland and his bad boy kitch – and there was discussion around Goofy. If he is not a dog, what the hell is he?

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More Hello Not-Kitty. In “Everything Old Is New Again” news, the Ninja Turtles? I was actually shocked – SHOCKED, I SAY – to hear my kids talk about the Ninja Turtles, and refer to them as Mike, Donny, Ralph, and Leo. What? Are the actual famous-artist names too difficult for today’s youth? I’m disappointed. But I’m not disappointed in the availability of unicorn and rainbow dog glowing plush night lights. Remember Glo-Worms? This is like a fabulous rainbows-and-unicorns improvement to the poor, lowly worm. Although I’m sure the worm world is saddened by this. We finally get high status as a stuffed glowing lovey, only to be knocked down by puppies and unicorns AGAIN? Goddammit. Back to getting stepped on after rain storms.

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I SO BADLY wanted to get an Elvis shirt and pajama bottoms, but my husband threatened to never have sex with me again if I wore one. Is a silk-screen picture of Elvis really such a boner-killer? Sadly, the women’s t-shirts only feature young Elvis, not the glammed-up, sparkly, be-caped-and-huge-glasses Elvis that I love. This is why you’re going broke, Sears. If I had the chance to buy a t-shirt with 1973 Aloha From Hawaii Elvis, I would in a heartbeat. You’re out of touch, Sears. I’m out of time.

Of course, if I did I would be a poor, sex-crazed woman. The last time we were in Hawaii I saw a t-shirt that said Elvis Has Not Left The Island and I wanted it SO BADLY, but it was unavailable in my size and also, my husband presented the same boner-killing argument.

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He didn’t say anything about a leg lamp shirt, though…

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Here’s a PSA: do not buy these mugs. I received one in this same style (although not with Mickey Mouse on it) and it constantly leaked. Unless you enjoy having hot coffee scalding your chin and chest, don’t buy one. Those little mediation fountains are pretty fun, though, and only $9.99 – what a steal! It seems strange that they are on the same page with potty seats and a beer belt, but I guess they are all “Gifts for Under $10”. Oh, wait! Those aren’t potty seats, they are neck pillows. Still.

To file under creepy things:

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These sweatshirts that zip over faces, I HATE THESE THINGS. I’ve seen kids with ninja-style ones and they creep me out. I must see faces. Even creepier is a storm-trooper/ Sith hoodie. Also creepy?

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Those freaky-ass dolls that are dressed up as animals. I don’t know what it is, exactly, that is creepy about it. Is it the dead eyes? The “I’m going to eat you in your sleep” expressions on their faces? If you cannot read the description, here it is:

Little Mommy Cutie Animal Dolls: part stuff animal and part baby doll with soft furry body and a matching hood with fun-to-hold ears – colourful pacifier attached by a ribbon.

I need offer no further comment, except to say that it comes in three varieties: Cutie Bunny, Cutie Bear, and Cutie Lamb.

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I know I said this last year, but if you are considering buying someone an electronic ear wax remover for Christmas, DON’T. Talk about boner-killers. Baby, I love you. Here’s an ear wax remover. I cannot believe that the Sears catalogue no longer has Snoopy Sno-Cone Makers but it offers an electronic ear wax remover as a gift idea. Also probably not a great gift idea: the Wraptastic Kitchen Wrap Dispenser. There are very few people in the world that would actually be glad to receive this under the Christmas tree.

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I know it’s supposed to be cute, but You Crawl I Ball onesies seem very inappropriate to me. These mugs, though! What could be cutesier than having “Mr. Right” and “Mrs. Always Right” mugs with which to sip morning coffee with your beloved? It’s like the mug equivalent of I’m With Stupid, but nicer. It reminded me of these t-shirts I saw in Maui:

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I STILL laugh when I think of them. That is some funny merchandising.

Speaking of sexytimes and boner-killers, what do we think of Santa and Mrs. Claus costumes?

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 The expression on the elf-dog’s face is PRICELESS. Poor thing’s probably going to be a target at the off-leash.

 

The Return of the Book Fair Lady – now a made-for-TV movie!

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This weekend my husband and I went to a fundraiser for a great charity that supports mothers and children in crisis situations; there was a silent auction, a raffle, and alcohol, which is the best kind of fundraiser, in my opinion. I made off with a great Matt and Nat bag, and my husband got some Snap-on tools, which are evidently a superior brand of tools. Whenever I say the word “tools” I think of Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. My dad has an awesome set of tools. Anyone else?

The fundraiser also featured a colouring contest. For adults. Have you ever been around a bunch of alcohol-fueled adults attempting to win a colouring contest? I highly recommend it for entertainment purposes. The judge was also the MC, and everyone kept trying to figure out how to tip the scales of colouring judgement in their favour. The judge – quite randomly – announced that he was homosexual, and the first winning picture featured a number of rainbows. He was also, apparently, a Dallas Cowboys fan, and a fellow at our table won another round of colouring by drawing the Cowboys logo all over his picture. Sadly, I lack any talent in the crayon department, so I didn’t win any of the enormous gift baskets.

Speaking of enormous things (that’s what she said), I went to Costco on Friday. On Friday! What was I thinking? I employed my friend Alice’s rule of Costco Karma, which is instead of fuming about the idiots who leave their giant carts helter-skelter in the parking lot, rather than walk ten steps to return them to the cart corral, one needs to take one of those carts and return it after shopping. Returning a cart, Alice says, is a positive step to cleaning up the horror that is the Costco parking lot, and will ensure good karma on your shopping trip. It was only somewhat true, since they didn’t have the premade gingerbread houses I like to use at Christmastime to reduce tears of frustration, but I guess that isn’t really the fault of the Costco Karma rule. I did manage to obtain a roll of wrapping paper that weighs more than my yoga mat – and I have a Manduka – so that’s something, I think. Every few years I buy wrapping paper at Costco because it’s such good quality, forgetting that I have several rolls that are not quite finished. The result is an immense amount of wrapping paper. This is Stage Four in the Stages of Costco, I believe. My coffin could be wrapped in the paper I amass through my lifetime, hopefully not any time soon.

The biggest story of the week, though, is that it is Book Fair week! The Return of the Book Fair Lady – this will be the title of the (made-for-TV) movie of my life. What? There are worse made-for-TV movies. In any case, it appears that my week will be taken up by fielding questions about the cupcake shaped erasers – no, you can’t eat them – and the price of posters – five dollars for each poster, yes, that one is also five dollars, they are all five dollars. I sound like I’m complaining but I’m not, really. I do like the general festive feeling of the Book Fair, and I like the glamourous fame that being the Book Fair Lady brings. For example, I am the one who wields the “reorder” forms. I am the one who can tell you where the newest Diary of a Wimpy Kid resides. It’s all glamour, all the time.

There are a few inches of snow on the ground, and the weather has turned from mild to agonizingly cold overnight. Some people say that November is the dreariest month, but to be honest, I kind of love it. It’s got a cozy, pre-festive feeling to it. The sudden onset of winter means that I can put away my ankle booties and just concentrate on the five-pound Sorels and snow boots. Like a toddler overwhelmed by the sight of cereal, toast, AND a sippy cup on his tray, the choice of what to wear is taken out of my hands. I will wear my coat that requires its own postal code; no messing around with the lighter options. There’s something comforting about this; I’m certainly not a winter girl, and I don’t like the cold, but for now it’s all about being grateful for a warm house, warm food, and gigantic layers of warm clothing.

Achievement Unlocked

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Over the last few weeks I’ve been doing a nice mix of online shopping and blast-through-the-mall shopping, and I can proudly announce that I am all done Christmas shopping, including teacher’s gifts and stocking stuffers. ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED. I think this is a new record for me, but I don’t think I’ll be breaking this record any time soon. November 4th is probably as early as I’m going to get.

One reason I wanted to get my shopping out of the way is that next week is the Scholastic Book Fair, and I am running it for the sixth year in a row, making this my thirteenth book fair. Thirteenth! I wonder if it’s unlucky. Maybe they’ll forget to send us the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid, or extra supplies of cake pop erasers. That would be unlucky indeed. In any case, next week is spoken for, and so this morning I had a little bit of time so I hit the mall with a vengeance. I only got distracted once, by the Sorel boot display at Town Shoes. If there had been a saleslady around to answer my question as to the cold-rating of some very cute and non-clunky boots, I would have been poorer in money but richer in boots. Alas, it was not to be.

My usual reason for getting my shopping done in November is that Christmas shopping in December is completely depressing and soul-destroying. It all starts with the parking. The mall parking lot is always full, with cars creeping behind pedestrians to see where they are parked and parking-lot-rage-infused people who wait with their signal lights flickering only to have someone else sneak in to the desired spot. There is always a lot of honking, and people wandering in front of cars, and a general feeling of “this must be what hell is like”. Actually inside the mall is terrible too: it’s freezing outside and so you have your winter coat and boots on, but the thermostat is set to “Hades” inside. There are insane lineups, crying children, and extraordinarily tense adults. It’s like all the bad parts of Disneyland without the fun of Dole Whip and the Jungle Cruise. It’s all the exhausted princess-gowned and mouse-eared children, sobbing in limp, over-stimulated piles, being dragged along by the arm by parents with grim, let’s-just-get-through-this expressions, and hour-long lineups and relentless heat, and tinny music on repeat, without the joy of churros and corny jokes about rhinoceroses.

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Disneyland Joy!

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Jungle Cruise Joy!

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Pluto Joy!

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Goddammit, why don’t they sell booze at Disneyland?

That’s what Christmas shopping in December makes me feel like.

Speaking of which, I was looking for blind bags for the kids’ stockings. Do you know what blind bags are? They are the plastic bags that have a toy – like Lego – inside and it’s a surprise as to what it is. Jake had wanted some for his birthday but I was unable to find them at Toys R Us, so I searched for some online. Online shopping – greatest invention ever, except for when looking for blind bags on the internet. For lo, what did my search results yield? A “Deluxe Grade Deer Carcass Bag”, complete with illustrated picture of a deer with x’s for eyes. “Holds one deer carcass OR one elk quarter!” the description added cheerily, and while I’m sure these are very useful items for people who hunt, it was not the kind of blind bag I was looking for. These are not the blind bags you are looking for. So, yesterday when I hit the mall I looked again for these apparently elusive items and found quite a number of them, so I’m guessing blind bags are a popular stocking stuffer, but less popular for those September babies. I also found this:

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Bow chicka wow wow.

I did not buy it, but I did stare at it admiringly for a few minutes. Is it weird to have a crush on an inanimate object?

Last night the boys had a hip-hop performance at the school. Part of the funds raised by the Parent Association go towards artists-in-residency, and this year the school hired a fellow to teach hip-hop. The first time I saw this dance teacher, when I was doing some volunteer work at the school, I did a double-take. I wondered if he was a parent, and if so, for what class?

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In addition to being an enthusiastic and engaging dance teacher, this guy has fashion sense.

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Seriously, it takes a certain something-something to really pull this off!

Then I remembered about the residency and asked the boys their thoughts about this dance teacher. They were very enthusiastic, which isn’t something I normally say about their reactions to dance. The performance was unbelievably great, and involved a very cleaned-up version of Thrift Shop. (This smells like my…soccer cleats. What? It was 99 cents!) If you’re a Parent Association person in the area, and are looking for artists-in-residency options, have I got a recommendation for you! It’s not every day I get to see my kids throw down the moves like stars. It’s also not every day I get to see acid-washed jean overalls paired with a leopard-print shirt, and it WORKS. For some, it works.

The Horror

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Is it too early to put up the Christmas decorations? According to everyone in my house, YES IT IS ARE YOU INSANE? However, just as retailers used to be before they started putting up festive trees in July, the second the pumpkins go into the compost I start thinking about Christmas. Well, technically before that because my shopping is three-quarters done, and I did sneak out and buy a few new decorations when I was supposed to be buying a birthday card for my mother-in-law. I also have been planning my Sears Catalogue Wish Book post since the end of August, when I picked it up.

I’m getting ahead of myself – how was Halloween? On Thursday I was volunteering in Jake’s class to carve pumpkins. Since I had volunteered in Mark’s class the week before, I considered myself an expert. I brought in my husband’s drywall knife and was applauded by all since I cut all the pumpkin tops off in less than five minutes. Seriously, people. Drywall knives are the way of the Halloween future. There was no school on Friday and so the class was all dressed up, and I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a class full of costumed third and fourth graders excited about Halloween and pumpkins, but it wasn’t exactly a relaxing afternoon.

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Yesterday was a very long day. It was a PD day, and a PD day with the prospect of Trick or Treating is a long day indeed. I did what I could; I took the boys to Colour Me Mine, a pottery painting studio, and I watched the very excellent Phineas and Ferb movie, Night of the Living Pharmacists with them, but that still left a lot of day to kill, especially since my husband did not get home from work until almost six-thirty, when the children were pretty much insane with excitement. Since I am the not-fun parent, my husband takes the kids to Trick or Treat, while I stay at home to hand out candy. We had a record number of thirteen Trick or Treaters, including an adorable barely-walking pumpkin and two tiny Elsas. This also includes two girls from Mark’s class who asked if Mark was there or if he was Trick or Treating somewhere in the neighbourhood? Complete with giggles and batting eyelashes. We have reached a new era!

My parents have officially moved, and are now no longer ten minutes away from me. The upshot of this is that while they were cleaning and packing their old house, they came across four storage boxes with my name on it. I’ve been slowly going through them, and wondering what to do with the contents. The contents themselves are worthy of a whole series of posts; my husband has dubbed them “Nicole’s Childhood Boxes of Terror”. I don’t want to give too much away but here is a preview:

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The baby wants to cuddle.

How’s THAT for a scary Halloween post?

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Fall Is Almost Done Edition

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Yesterday morning I woke up and headed to the bathroom to change into my yoga clothes. I wondered why I was feeling so exhausted, when I had gone to bed at a decent time; then I looked at the clock. It was 3:45. I’m just glad I figured that out before I left for the yoga studio, because that would have been weird.

This morning it was -5 Celsius when I woke up, which feels officially like winter. I pulled on my legwarmers and dug out my gigantic mittens so that I wouldn’t freeze walking the dog. Fall just really flew by, and it’s been forever since I’ve done a Favourite Things post, so today I bring you…

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Fall Is Almost Done Edition

Lee Valley Apple Peeler

Remember how I brought home 100 pounds of apples and fifty pounds of grapes from my in-laws’? I juiced the grapes (most of them, the rest I either ate or gave away to fruit-loving friends) and then mixed the thick, pulpy juice to make fruit leather. It’s amazing, and if I figure out how to write it up as a recipe without being totally vague (“puree some apples, add some juice, and dry it in a dehydrator”) it will be over at Yummy Mummy Club. In the meantime, check out the fruit leather!

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The kids tell me this is The Best Fruit Leather Ever. Grapes, apples, and the secret ingredient: LOVE.

Seriously, it’s really good. But what does this have to do with the Lee Valley Apple Peeler? My husband gave me the apple peeler for Christmas – he knows what I like, apple peelers and diamonds – and I am not exaggerating when I tell you it is the single greatest apple peeler in the history of apple peelers. If you have a need to peel 100 pounds of apples, or any amount of apples, really, this is the tool to have. Peels, cores, slices, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I think I’m a little bit in love with the apple peeler and that is not at all disturbing.

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Apple carnage.

Halloween Festivities

Finally I got our decorative scarecrows up, only to have them taken down ten days later because the kids said they “didn’t fit with the theme”. The theme being creepy decorations.

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Scarecrows are inappropriate additions to this house of terror.

A friend and I were talking about how as the kids age the Halloween decorations morph from happy little jack-o-lanterns into death and dismemberment. The cutesy little ghost and orange-hatted black cat are MY decorations, the kids put them up to humour me. Although, the black cat’s head is hanging on by a string so maybe “partially beheaded black cat” might be part of their overall vision.

In any case, we carved pumpkins this weekend and I de-gooped enough seeds to roast. This never happens. I usually get so bored with my job as pumpkin de-gooper and seed-cleaner that I end up throwing them out. This is a mistake! Warm roasted pumpkin seeds are more than worth it. Or kind of worth it, anyway.

Beauty Products

As you know, I’m always trying out new things – especially hair product. My, oh my, is my hair dry at this time of year. It’s only going to get drier and more straw-like. To add insult to injury, I realized this morning that it’s official: I cannot go six weeks between colourings any more. I’m starting to look like Arlene from Dragon’s Den and although I love her fabulous shoes, I want mono-coloured hair. In any case, I bought these giant bottles of Organix Coconut Milk Shampoo and Conditioner at Costco, and not only do I smell tropical, my hair is also noticeably softer.

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I love buying gigantic shampoo.

Speaking of Costco, I bought Crest 3D White toothpaste in a pack of four, which is always a risk, as far as I’m concerned. This is the thing about Costco: it’s not the place to shop if you just want to try something out. But I’m glad I took the risk of buying an insane amount of toothpaste because this is the most amazing toothpaste I’ve ever tried. If it’s possible to be in love with my apple peeler, then I’m having a torrid affair with this toothpaste.

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I’ve already used one of the toothpastes. Costco score!

On Thanksgiving weekend, we visited some friends (hi Sam!) and while having a casual conversation, Sam asked if I had been whitening my teeth. I probably talked a little TOO excitedly about this toothpaste. If you have a coffee/ wine/ grapes habit, you might want to consider this.

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White teeth! I think that’s a book, actually. I’m pretty sure I read it for a book club back in the early 2000’s.

Sexy Ebola Containment Suits

My friend sent me this article today, and the title alone made me literally LAUGH OUT LOUD, no acronyms involved. “The Inevitable Comes To Pass: Of Course A Sexy Ebola Containment Suit Exists”. And of course, upon reading this article I had to find where one buys a Sexy Ebola Containment Suit.

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Go buy one now before they are out of stock! It’s a steal at $59.99. Buy the boots and your partner’s outfit for only $189.99!

Honestly, I’d much rather see one million posts about Sexy Ebola Containment Suits than most things that are in the news these days. Bring it on, weird Halloween costumes. For example, this costume which is clearly Smurfette but there must have been some kind of licensing problem:

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Troll-ette? You are fooling no one, costume website.

Or a Sexy French Fries Costume, because I don’t know about you, but when I hear “French Fries” I think “SEXYTIMES”.

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There is also “Sexy Hamburger” and “Sexy Taco” but that makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, so you’ll have to be satisfied with the fries only.

Pretty Leaves

On a more wholesome note, this has been the prettiest fall that I can remember. The colours are gorgeous! It must have been that early-September snow?

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This dogwood has never looked so pretty!

Fall Food

Fruit leather does not a meal make, so hooray for butternut squash season! I have a fabulous creamy butternut squash soup recipe over at Yummy Mummy Club, plus this very fun, very fast, very easy recipe for Dark Chocolate Raspberry Mousse Trifle. The trifle requires THREE TABLESPOONS of beer, which means you have to drink the rest or allow it to go to waste. Don’t be wasteful! Make this recipe and sip a brewsky while it’s chilling. You can be chilling while it’s chilling! Do people still say “chilling”?

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You know you want it.

ButternutSquashSoup

A very satisfying soup.

So there you have it! My favourite things – before winter sets in! And as usual, this is not a sponsored post, I didn’t receive anything for free, I just really like all these things! Also as usual, it’s giveaway time! To enter, leave a comment about what your favourite thing is about this time of year and you could win! A random winner will be drawn Friday, November 7. xo

Pumpkin Carving With No Blood Spilled

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This week I was looking forward to having coffee on Wednesday morning with my dearest friend; between our clashing schedules this has been in planning stages for five weeks. Tuesday afternoon, Mark came out of the school with a little yellow post-it note in his hand, on which was written “Bring pumpkin carving knives tomorrow, please come Mom.” Apparently his class was pumpkin carving with their buddy class, and volunteers were needed so that no children would lose a digit and/or limb. I was by no means confident that I would be the best person to volunteer for this job, given that the last time I volunteered when sharp objects were utilized was when Mark was in kindergarten and the class was making birdhouses out of milk cartons; I managed to slice my hand open not once but twice during that shift. However, I couldn’t resist Mark and his begging eyes and so I agreed. Also he had already told his teacher that I would surely be able to make it; I cancelled my coffee date and slipped a bottle of Motrin into my purse.

My husband was more than a little alarmed when I told him of my project; he thought I should take his drywall knife, as being the safest object in our house with which to carve pumpkins. I have to say, he’s right. I was able to slice the tops off several pumpkins in short order, with no blood involved. If you have a drywall knife, I highly recommend it for pumpkin carving.

Have you ever walked through a school with a drywall knife in your hand? It’s a pretty uneasy feeling. I had it wrapped in bubble wrap for optics and safety, but I was still pretty nervous about it. What if a kid bumped into me while I was carrying it? What if a child grabbed the knife? So many things could go wrong but luckily none did; plus, it seems like I have to do the same exact thing next week for Jake’s class.

Mark’s buddy class is a kindergarten one, and it’s been a while since I’ve been around five-year-olds. Hoo boy, some of them are sure whiny. One little girl was – to the general alarm of the other members of her group – drawing hard-to-carve things like eyelashes, plus three large circles where the nose was supposed to be. I conferred with their group and helped them cut out the face, using one of those circles as a nose. The little artiste flipped out, saying that I needed to cut the circles on either side of the nose. “Those are her CHEEEEEEEKS,” she whined, “I need her to have cheeks. I WAAAAAAANT CHEEEEEEEEEEEKS.” It was very grating, but I wielded my power as volunteer-mom-with-drywall-knife and acquiesced to the requests of the other four members of the group, which was to leave the pumpkin without giant circles taken out of the face. The whining was bad enough, but the thought of the pumpkin with cut-out cheeks? Creepy as hell.

As if I haven’t had enough of pumpkins, we have our four giant ones to carve this weekend, plus we need to put up all our spooky decorations. Since I’ve already started buying Christmas decorations, and making up this year’s holiday card, and – thanks to my on-the-ball sister-in-law – I’m three-quarters of the way done Christmas shopping…I should probably focus some efforts on Halloween. There isn’t much to do except monitor the mini chocolate bar levels in the pantry – I keep buying them and two young people who are not me keep eating them.

Have you heard about the lady who wrote to “Dear Prudence“, asking her advice on how to handle trick-or-treaters who are not residents of her neighbourhood? This pitiable woman lives on one of the more modest streets in one of the “wealthiest neighbourhoods in the country” (Beverly Hills? Park Avenue? I don’t know.) and she is unhappy with hordes of poor children who do not reside in her neighbourhood trick-or-treating at her house. I mean, is Halloween supposed to be a charitable act? Is she supposed to just provide candy to just anyone? Maybe these errant trick-or-treaters should be frisked and asked to show ID with a current address on it. This poor woman is only in the “doctors, lawyers, and business owner” section of the neighbourhood, not the “billionaires, famous people, and media moguls” section. Those boxes of chocolates can run $10 each, so really, she is in a terrible situation. WHERE IS THE JUSTICE IN HALLOWEEN? She shouldn’t have to give out candy to JUST ANYBODY, least of all those impoverished ruffians. WHAT DOES SHE PAY TAXES FOR IF SHE HAS TO PROVIDE POOR CHILDREN WITH CANDY ON HALLOWEEN, GODDAMMIT?

I bet you anything she does that “Switch Witch” thing.

On a more pleasant note, I was purchasing some lotion at Bath and Body Works, and the fellow at the counter kept calling me Miss. Miss! I felt youthful and full of vigour, until I overheard him talking to his co-worker with regards to some sale signage. “I can’t see clearly, I don’t have my contacts in today.” Well, okay then. I’ll still take it. It’s kind of nice to be viewed in soft-focus, not unlike Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca.

Friday the 13th and the Full Moon. Luckily no PMS.

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Today was the school’s annual Stampede Breakfast; it’s a proud tradition, this end-of-school wrap-up, although technically there are two more weeks left of school and three weeks until the actual Stampede hits the city, when we can all feel free to embrace our inner cowboy spirit and don shirts emblazoned with wolves and sunsets. Nonetheless, the boys were insane with excitement about this very fun event, which was cancelled last year due to the flood. I was committed to help with the set up, so early this morning I went to say goodbye to my husband, who was working out downstairs. He took one look at me and burst into hysterical laughter.

cowgirl

Despite living in Calgary for 37 years, this is the first “western” shirt I have ever purchased, complete with sparkly detailing on the back. Something about the shirt paired with the denim skirt, accessorized by my regular boots, set my husband into a gale of mirth. “You just don’t look very authentic,” he finally said. No shit, Sherlock. I’m not an actual cowgirl.

The past few weeks have been divine, weather-wise, lots of sunshine and warmth, with the exception of today, day of the Stampede Breakfast AND Sports Day, which was cold and raining. Maybe it’s a combination of Friday the 13th and a full moon? I don’t know. All I know is when I got home from the breakfast it was 9:45 and I kind of felt like just giving up and calling it a day. I managed to rally by eating tortilla chips and salsa for lunch and that influx of sodium was enough to power me through a couple of hours of work.

Earlier in the week I realized with a start that I STILL hadn’t bought any cards for Father’s Day, and that no matter what I did, my father-in-law’s card would be late. I went card shopping and was reminded of this post by Lynn. I would like to add to it, though. There is a serious need for “Happy Father’s Day Grandpa” cards from people who are not preschoolers or thoughtful, sensitive adults. There was no middle ground between “Happy Father’s Day To My Beloved Grandfather, Sending Love and Memories Across The Miles” and cards with cartoon animals and cheerful, faux-crayoned words. There were also a number of cards for “Pop”, “Pop-Pop” and even “Paw-Paw”. Yet, nothing that was appropriate for tween-aged children to send to their grandpa. There is a market here, people.

Speaking of markets for mailing things, today in the mail I had a letter addressed specifically to me from Canada Post. Important information inside! it proclaimed. Now, I had some issues with Canada Post this last winter, so it was with some nervous trepidation that I ripped open the letter. Were they going to tell me that my Mayday tree was too droopy when it rained and the mail carrier got hit in the face and I was no longer going to receive mail? Was I in some kind of trouble? Was my wet walk too slippery, with too many faded Mayday blossoms? No. It was simply an advertisement for Hold Mail Services in case I went on vacation. How much money went into this advertising campaign? It seems a bit like a make-work project to me, but on the other hand, I have used the Hold Mail Service in the past and it is pretty awesome. I’m torn.

I’m also torn between doing a nice, light yoga practice this afternoon and taking a nap, since I seem to be exhausted by the festivities. Maybe I can do both? And add a glass of wine onto that? It’s Friday and the sun is over the yardarm somewhere, right, Hannah?

Happy Friday everyone, and Happy Father’s Day to all you daddy-o’s out there. Don’t be a square!