Author Archives: Nicole Boyhouse

Miracle on 34th Street, the Costco Version

Posted on by

“Why? Why would you do that?” my husband asked me, looking at me like I had just escaped the asylum and was planning to sell all our possessions, move into a circus tent, and eat my own shoe. The shocking thing I was planning to do, in fact, was to go to Costco on December 19, the Tuesday before Christmas.

Truthfully, I wondered a bit at myself, but there were a few things I wanted to get and I was in that awkward spot of either a) going now, b) waiting until after Boxing Day and before New Year’s, or c) waiting until January. I couldn’t see how any of the above would be different from one another so I blocked off the whole afternoon and steeled myself for the job. I taught my usual morning class and then headed over there right away, thinking in my mind if I get there at 11:30, I’ll probably be done by 1:00, and then home by 1:30…it’s going to be okay, Nicole, it’s going to be okay. I thought if the lineups were crazy then I could practice my mindfulness, wherever I go, here I am, I repeated to myself as I drove into the parking lot.

I parked far from the doors and noticed that there were several spots to choose from. I chose the one near an abandoned cart, the sight of which usually fills me with impotent rage but I kept breathing and thinking zen thoughts. I took the abandoned cart myself, hauling it over the median and thinking of the cart like I would an abandoned dog, who needs love and attention. The parking lot was a little Frogger-like but I made it into the store without being flattened like Grandma Who Got Run Over By A Reindeer – albeit barely.

Inside the store was a pleasant surprise; I don’t know where all the people in the parking lot were, but they were not in the produce section or the shampoo aisle, nor choosing olives or almond butter. Sure, there were the requisite crowds around the sample tables, but all in all, the store seemed quiet. I walked around smiling at everyone like a friendly lunatic, hoping to shine a light that my resting bitch face does not emit, and, delightfully, people smiled back at me.

Finally, it was the moment of truth. I took a deep breath and headed for the checkouts…and there was no lineup whatsoever. People, six days before Christmas and I was in and out of Costco with a full cart in less than thirty minutes. It is a Christmas miracle! I thought happily. My entire afternoon was empty and available for chocolate bark-making.

My friend Alice (HI ALICE) swears by shopping cart karma, and I am a believer. If you rescue an abandoned cart, or you tidy up the cart corral, good things will happen to you while shopping. IT’S TRUE, PEOPLE, JUST TRY IT.

I did witness something distressing, something I hadn’t seen before so close up. I walked past a car that was backing out of its spot, very near the door. There was another car waiting with its signal light on, and behind it several cars stopped for this. As the car backed up, another car came from a different direction and very quickly – and not exactly safely, since it was icy and slippery – zoomed into the spot. It was, I will tell you, shocking. More than that, the woman in the passenger seat was looking at the patiently-waiting-signal-light-on car who was angrily honking the horn, and she was LAUGHING. Laughing, people. I shared a raised-eyebrow moment with a fellow pushing his cart and I wondered what would happen next. I didn’t wait to see the carnage though, but you can bet that Good Shopping Karma was not awaiting that woman.

Hallelujah, where’s the Advil Cold and Sinus?

Posted on by

I’m going to preface this post by saying that I’m on my eighth cup of coffee and I have taken two Advil Cold and Sinus, so things could get interesting. Also we are at less than eight hours of daylight, it’s almost a new moon, and holy moly things are dark. I’ve been fighting this virus that we all seem to have this week; it’s the first time I’ve been sick since sometime in 2015, so I have kind of forgotten what it is like to be incapacitated. The great news is that the whole-body fatigue that had taken me down is gone; in its place is a bit of a stuffy head, but since I feel okay being upright, I think I am on the mend.

Me: I think I’m almost totally back to normal!

My husband: You realize that you are totally out of breath just walking up the stairs, right?

I have a tendency to overdo things a little and I am really trying not to. I am trying to take advice I give friends, which is to rest and recover. Apparently it’s easier to give advice than to follow it, who knew? But yesterday I knew I had to do something and so I took the whole day off. I did literally nothing except watch The Price Is Right and five episodes of The Crown.

Princess Margaret looks like I feel.

Looks like Drew Carey got new glasses, I said to myself, despite the fact that it’s been a few years since I’ve watched The Price is Right and who knows, really, how new those glasses are. There was a Canadian fellow on and I became very invested in his progress. Sadly, he only spun $0.10, followed by $0.65 on the big wheel and so was not eligible for the Showcase Showdown. This might have been a blessing for him though because the Big Prize on one of the Showcases was a Trip To Canada. Yes, a trip to “Toronto, Canada” where the winner would enjoy a three-hour sailing tour of Lake Ontario. A three-hour tour started dolefully repeating itself in my brain. But really – it’s December. Who wants a trip to Toronto, let alone a sailing tour (a three-hour tour) on Lake Ontario IN DECEMBER. Although maybe it was taped earlier in the year, who really knows.

I feel like I have more to say about my television watching but it’s not coming to me right now.

Oh, I know, the bananas. I have a banana update for you! At three weeks post-purchase, the bananas were a strange mix of green with blackened stems:

But disturbingly, today, all is ashes. 24 days after purchase, here is where we are:

I’m getting quite a few “When are you going to throw those things out?” queries, and the truth is, I don’t know. I’m tempted to just freeze them all for later banana bread, but they are kind of grody looking, so I’m not sure if it would affect the baking or not. The peel, while still yellow with the exception of the one banana which went completely black and feels like it will disintegrate at any moment, looks weird and is strangely dimpled. The correct thing to do, probably, is to just throw them in the compost, but I don’t know if I can. Maybe it’s the Advil Cold and Sinus talking, but that seems like a decision I cannot make at this time. I have become attached to these bananas.

Recently I saw an article saying that Christmas really sucks for moms, because we are so busy making magical memories we don’t have the time to experience any magic ourselves. I cannot speak for anyone else but I will say that Christmas does not suck for me, in fact it is the opposite, and if it is sucking for you, then back off the throttle a little. Christmas was amazing for me as a kid and you know what my mom did? She bought gifts, sure, she made a metric tonne of baking, yes, and that was pretty much it. AND IT WAS AWESOME. I was thinking about this the other day as my kids enjoyed their super-luxurious Lindor advent calendars, purchased at Costco, naturally, that have not only the usual amazing truffles, but also chocolate icicles, angles, and Santas. They each have one and you know what I had as a child? Those waxy tiny chocolate calendars that I shared with my two brothers.

Side note: if anyone wants to stock up on waxy tiny chocolate calendars, they are still available at Superstore for a very low price.

This was taken nearly three weeks ago, now they are thirty-eight cents each.

Anyway, not to victim blame here, but I think we put way too much pressure on ourselves to be all magical and elvish and whatnot. I feel like our kids will have great Christmas memories no matter what, even if they have to, god forbid, share an advent calendar. Wait, I wrote about this before! Hold please.

Here it is, How To Enjoy The Holidays Without Losing Your Mind. I won’t repeat the sentiments here, but let’s be kind to ourselves. I mean, one year my mother’s oven broke on Christmas Eve and she ended up making Christmas dinner in the microwave and on the barbeque, and it was kind of awesome. So really, all will be merry and bright, so long as we don’t lose our minds like Clark Griswold. Hallelujah! Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?

Actually I can really relate to that right now because I think my Advil is wearing off. I will leave you with these offerings: my children’s and my gingerbread men. Which ones do you think I made?

Yes, that one is exactly what you think it is. Welcome to life with boys!

Yes! We have no bananas! We have no bananas today.

Posted on by

Is Mercury in retrograde or is this the prelude to Ladies’ Holidays, I wondered blearily to myself yesterday, conceding my tiredness could also be due to general busyness, I-guess-I’m-that-age-now interrupted sleep cycles, and the pervading darkness of December. A quick check to the calendar pointed to all of the above. But that was yesterday; what a difference a day makes.

I am having a fabulous day, no thanks to the hour and a half I lay awake last night after Roomba mysteriously started by itself and woke me up at 2:00 am. After shutting off the phantom robot, I lay awake with Baby, It’s Cold Outside running through my head, only to fall asleep for an hour before awakening for the day. By all rights, that should have left me crabby and tired but, in fact, I have been oddly energetic and pleasant.

Just when you feel despair for all of humankind, something wonderful happens to restore faith in humanity, and for me that was the elderly lady I saw yesterday in the Costco parking lot, neatly rearranging all of the jumbled carts in the corral. I very nearly threw the car in park and jumped out, but there were several cars behind me and I didn’t want to evoke road rage. So I will just say here: Madam, you are doing the lord’s work.

Then today – because grocery shopping never ends for me, apparently – I decided to stop in the Superstore liquor store after picking up my usual weekly groceries. A young woman stocking the shelves smiled at me and said “Oh my god, I love your hair, it looks so fabulous” and that is a thing I do not hear often, and so I, like the Virgin Mary, treasured that and pondered it in my heart. If that wasn’t enough joy, the Superstore liquor store had this:

Dairy-free Baileys, you guys! Honestly, everything is coming up Nicole today.

Not unrelated, I want to talk about something important: bananas. We – as you might guess – go through what I feel is an insane amount of fruit and vegetables each week. In a good way. Bananas are a staple in this house, even though only three out of four of us eat them. Well, four out of five, if you include Barkley. I have a frozen banana in my smoothie every day, and the other two banana eaters average a banana a day. I also make banana bread and muffins, and so our average weekly banana intake is 21-24 bananas, sometimes more. I like to buy a variety of ripeness as I like ripe bananas for my smoothie, extremely ripe and kind of gross looking bananas to freeze for later muffin/ loaf making, and then, of course, we need some that are a bit greenish and just nicely yellow for raw consumption.

Exactly fifteen days ago I bought bananas from Costco. I hadn’t bought them there before but all their other produce, with the exception of peppers, I have found to be exceptional, so I assumed bananas would be no different. However, they were very green. I bought two large bunches, thinking that within a day or two they would be fine for raw consumption. I had already had a surplus frozen for smoothies.

This is what the bananas looked like after a WEEK on my counter.

Still completely inedible. That one yellowish banana I placed in a paper bag with an avocado, which ripened. The banana did not. At this point, desperation was setting in and I went to Superstore and bought more bananas. At that point I had forty bananas on my counter.

Forty bananas, you guys. The ones on the left are the Costco ones, the ones on the right from Superstore: as you can see, in a variety of ripeness.

The days passed and yesterday marked two weeks since the purchase of the original Costco bananas.

One bunch, STILL GREEN, HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? WHAT KIND OF BANANAS ARE THESE? The others ripened with the notable exception of the one that was in a paper bag, which made me wonder if I was in some kind of banana bizzaro world.

This morning the greens are still green but the yellows are deteriorating at an alarming rate:

I am becoming really invested in the fate of these bananas; like it’s my own personal science experiment. Will the greens ever ripen? Or will it be like a McDonald’s hamburger that – allegedly, I’ve never tried this – will never mould even if left on the counter for months.

Meanwhile, I am digging up all the containers I can find to freeze the bananas as they devolve into brown-spotted mush. For those of you interested, I freeze super-over-ripe bananas in groups of three, and when they thaw they are disgustingly perfect for baking. And if you’re looking for the easiest banana bread recipe ever, here it is! It’s from my friend Maureen’s mom, and I always think of it that way.

Maureen’s Mom’s Banana Bread

3 ripe bananas, mashed (or if using frozen, thawed)

6 tablespoons vegetable oil (I always use grapeseed)

1 tablespoon vanilla (this is a deviation from Maureen’s mom’s recipe, I just like a lot of vanilla. Original quantity is 1 teaspoon, if you’re not into a tablespoon)

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 egg, lightly beaten (or use a flax egg)

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 1/2 cups flour

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray or grease a loaf pan. Mix together mushy bananas, oil, vanilla, and sugar. Add egg, mix well. Stir in the dry ingredients. Pour into pan. Bake for 45 minutes. Voila! I usually use my stand mixer and the whole thing comes together in under ten minutes. Super easy, and delicious!

It’s December; what’s your Tree Decorating Personality?

Posted on by

The other day my husband said that the month of November dragged and dragged and seemed to go on forever, and honestly, I felt like I couldn’t relate at all. November FLEW by for me, in that I keep thinking that it was just Halloween the other day, and now it’s December. I mean, I’ve been feeling festive for the past couple of weeks, as is my wont at this time of year, but I keep feeling like my life is a speeded-up cartoon of pages flying off a daily calendar.

On Wednesday I went to the post office to mail the Christmas parcel to my mother-and-sister-in-law, and as I walked through the parking lot I saw a man standing outside of the Tim Horton’s, having a cigarette. This would not be notable in the least, except that the man in question looked exactly like Santa Claus: he had a long, well-kept white beard, rosy cheeks, a generally round shape, and – this might be speculation on my part – a jolly demeanor. I wondered if he WAS the mall Santa Claus; although he wasn’t wearing a red suit, he was wearing a red t-shirt, and anyway it would be more than likely that he would change for his smoke break, so as to not disturb the young children who had just sat on his lap in the pretend North Pole in the mall. Nevertheless, I did wonder if he WAS the mall Santa, would children recognize him even without the suit, and if so, how would their parents explain this? Even Santa deserves a break, maybe, or Santa has a stressful job at this time of year. I thought about this all through the lineup at the post office, imagining this stranger, who had done nothing whatever to deserve this thought process, other than having a Santa-like appearance, was actually the real Santa, picturing his smoke breaks during toy-making supervision, and the elves smoking with him with their tiny elf-sized mugs of super-strong coffee, talking with a “HEY! I’m WALKING here!” New York accent. I thought about this until I got back to my car and then realized that I was letting my imagination run away with me, and speculation is just that, speculation, and most likely the fellow in question was not Santa in any shape or form, only a kind-looking, if hirsute, older gentleman.

Not that I’d begrudge Santa his smoke break – it would be tiring sitting there with screaming infants and parents trying to coax a smile out of their terrified toddlers, who intuitively know not to sit on a stranger’s lap and tell that stranger secrets for any amount of candy canes. Have you been a good girl this year? But a smoking Santa might be a little stinky for the kids.

Long story short, now is the time to visit the post office. The lineup was negligible and the clerks are not as downtrodden and exhausted as they will be three weeks from now.

What’s the gift-and-card-for-the-in-laws situation in your house? For what it’s worth, I take this task on myself. I know many people have a “your family, you do the gift” policy, but a) I find I’m probably more suited to shop for a seventy-five-year-old woman than my husband is, b) I have a much more flexible schedule, and c) broadly speaking, once two people are joined in holy matrimony those two people should – IDEALLY – consider the spouse’s family to be their own. Ideally. In any case, it’s all done and mailed now.

I am also the person in charge of holiday cards, for the very good reason that I am the only person who cares about holiday cards. I am the person who chooses the photo, the layout, and the inside message. I make sure to include “from Barkley too, woof!” as I do every year, and I write out and address each one. I do not let anyone near them – which, as I said, no one is really clamouring to help – because to say I’m particular about them is an understatement.

I mention this so you know that I am not judging the people involved in my next topic. I know we all have our things. Lately I have seen a lot of posts about women, exclusively women, who either a) redecorate their Christmas tree after their children decorate it, or b) do not let their children decorate the tree at all. No judgement here, but I cannot relate in the least. Decorating the tree is a full-on family affair in the Boyhouse and hoo boy, can you tell. I love it. I love our extremely eclectic collection of ornaments and I love to see the perfect arrangement of ornaments through my kids’ eyes. Every year I add one or two ornaments to our collection, something to remind me of the year that has passed, and so we have a lot of interesting trinkets; a tractor from when the boys were obsessed with John Deere, a beautiful ball with an Inukshut on it from 2010, a fat moose from the year I was pregnant with the oldest and was enormous.

Did you know that there is much spirited debate in the world about white versus coloured lights? I did not but never fear: our tree has a setting for both, and the lights oscillate between the two. See?

I love when the kids jam several ornaments on one branch; they do that because they think the ornaments want to be together, which melts my heart.

Clue – a gift from my parents – plus two homemade candy canes and, surprisingly, Superman.

A stormtrooper with Ben 10 and a few assorted Cars movie ornaments.

I bought this admittedly tacky Disney castle with Mickey Mouse last year, at Disney World. It reminds me of watching the fireworks show, and how wonderful and special that was. A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you’re fast asleep.

This came from Disneyland, back in 2011. The kids LOVED the Buzz Lightyear ride.

My mom had given the boys these ornaments when they were – as you may guess – four and five, and I love that they are together. Also: Scooby Doo and my marshmallow “Kiss the Cook.”

My mother-in-law gave me this bowl years ago. I keep it filled with driftwood, shells, and smooth rocks from trips my husband and I made to the West Coast, before kids. The vintage ornaments get added at Christmas, and they were also a gift from her. I love the 1960s feel of them.

My husband, bless his heart, spends at least eight hours putting up outdoor Christmas decorations. Not only do we have lights – white icicles and red bulbs – along with lighted deer, trees, gift boxes, a hippo, penguins, snowmen, a moose, and an entire candy cane lane – which he bought for me because I always wanted one – he also decorates our large Mayday tree with glittery ornaments.

Sadly, two of them detached from their hooks. I went to Walmart to buy Gorilla Glue, feeling like an I am Woman Hear Me Roar type. I went to the DIY section, giggling because DIY always reminds me of that line in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, “Do you like to Do It Yourself?” Anyway, there were many different kinds of Gorilla Glue but I chose wisely, I think. When I told my husband, expecting praise for doing what I would strongly consider a Blue Job, he nervously texted me to ask me to please wait until he got home before fixing the ornaments. I think he thought I would glue myself to the table, or perhaps glue my hands together or one hand to my face or something. Given my track record for fixing things, this was probably warranted.

My husband also strung lights on the garage so when I’m making dinner, I don’t have to stare out the window into the pitch-black abyss. It really brightens my mood. He also set the timer so that the lights come on just as I’m driving home from yoga in the wee hours of the morning, and it always makes me happy.

Happy December, my friends. I wish you a month of joy and festivity, and no fingers glued together. xo

Why do we have two Agent P? I don’t know, but I’m glad they’re together.

Airing of the Grievances, One Month Early

Posted on by

I know, I know, Festivus is on December 23rd, not 22nd, which means that there is one month and one day before the Airing of the Grievances and Feats of Strength, but Thursdays are impossible for me to write anything. Therefore, the Grievances Shall Be Aired Today.

Of course, because it’s me, I have to disclose that all my Grievances are Princess Problems, really, and I should feel incredible guilt about posting such inane babble about unimportant things. But what is a blog if not inane babble about unimportant things? Nine years, people: that’s how long the Boyhouse has been on the internet, and rarely, if ever, do I write about something that is not inane and unimportant.

Dr Brandt

A little while back, I read something about the Miracle that is Dr Brandt’s No More Baggage Eye Cream. I literally ran out of the house, went to Sephora, purchased the expensive cosmetic, and was very excited for a few days. It worked! Finally, something that makes me look less exhausted/ hideous! I was going to write an entire post about the amazing product and then…it stopped working. It seems like the dark circles – although, to give the product credit, not the puffiness – come back with a vengeance by mid-day. I took this photo of myself in the most flattering light in the house, with full makeup, and the circles are still there. Don’t even get me started on the forehead wrinkles and grey roots; I have given up. Well, not entirely – I have a colour next week – but I am at the stage where I colour my hair every five weeks and by week 3.5 I start to get a little Redheaded Bride of Frankenstein.

Why do they call it Bride of Frankenstein, and not Bride of Frankenstein’s monster? Should that be a Grievance?

Anyway, I feel like if one pays $50 for a tiny tube of eye cream, that eye cream had better be performing some goddamn miracles. I should look like a refreshed and youthful version of myself for that kind of money. If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know I have been struggling to find the perfect eye cream for a long, long while, and I thought I had it. I thought I had it! But no.

I sleep approximately seven (broken up) hours per night, plus more on weekends, and I drink more water than anyone I know; I’m practically a camel at an oasis, all day, every day. The way I see it, I have two options: walk around with cucumber slices taped to my eyes, or to just give up and accept that this is what I look like now. I’m leaning towards the latter, since cucumbers taped to my eyes might be tricky from a logistical standpoint.

Filters

Look, I am as vain as they come – see my first Grievance – but filters on Instagram are not doing anything for us as humans who should be aware about what other humans look like. Sure, I would love to walk around in soft-focus like Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca, but that’s not realistic. We should all dump the filters and embrace what we really look like, forehead wrinkles and all. Dr Brandt’s failed eye cream and all.

Grocery Stores Changing Things Around Like It’s No Big Deal, But It Is A Big Deal

My neighbourhood Co-Op changed everything around in their store, but let me tell you something about Co-Op: they know their audience. They know that the seniors would all raise hell if the snack foods switched places with the cereals, and so on every single aisle there was a map of the store, each aisle labelled with the items it contained. This is brilliant. Brilliant!

Sadly, the Superstore I frequent changed everything around and did not attempt this very simple solution. Maybe it’s because they change things around every time you turn around. It should not be this difficult to find a bottle of rice vinegar, Superstore!

Grocery Stores Making Weird Decisions Regarding Product Placement

Again at Superstore, the tofu and dairy-free vegan cheese options are newly situated directly beside the live fish tank, which is very unpleasant for those of us who are purchasing tofu and dairy-free vegan cheese options for a reason. I find those live fish tanks to be repellent at the best of times, but often there is a terrible fish stench emanating from them that is unbearable, particularly to us sensitive vegetarian-types. Those items used to be located at a reasonable distance from the sad-sack fishies, but now I am faced with their overcrowded end-of-life situation every time I grab a block of tofu.

No Thank You, I Really Don’t Want A Walmart Mastercard

I really do understand that all cashiers have a certain script to follow, and I sympathize. I also understand that there is most likely a financial incentive for cashiers to get people to sign up for their store credit cards, and perhaps that financial incentive has a lot of meaning to someone who may or may not be living from paycheque to paycheque. I get it, I understand, I sympathize, but I do not want a store credit card, particularly a Walmart one. I always smile and politely decline, often twice. That’s fine.

What is not fine is me having to politely decline a credit card eight times in a three-minute conversation with the cashier. Yes, I understand there is a discount if I sign up, but no thank you. No, please don’t cancel my whole order, I do not want to ring it through on the Walmart Mastercard. No, thank you, I am not interested. Over and over again. It is against my principles to get snappy with cashiers but sweet mother of god, eight times. Usually I go through the self-checkout to avoid this very conversation, but I had too many items. Note to self: buy less at Walmart. I guess that should be a given anyway. At least they don’t have a live fish tank.

I Want To Give Someone Accolades, But I Cannot

My mail carrier – yes, I still get home delivery – is incredible. Not once, not ONCE has he delivered the mail incorrectly, whereas a few years ago I was constantly taking mail over to the lady who lived the next street over, or the people at a similar address. Whenever I encounter him in person, he is cheerful and kind, and he has even flagged me down as I drove by to give me a parcel that I needed to sign for, so as to not inconvenience me. I wanted to email Canada Post to congratulate them on such an exemplary employee, but alas, I cannot. There is no way to contact them via email to give positive feedback, which probably says something about Canada Post. If I wanted to be on hold for thirty-plus minutes, I could call them. I just wanted to say someone is doing a good job.

Wait! Stop the presses! I had tweeted at them and they just got back to me! Disregard this last Grievance! And maybe take the time to say thank-you to someone who is doing a good job, because they might be having a day where they want to Air Their Grievances, and your compliment could change things around.

Ahhh, I feel much better now. xo

Nicole’s Mom’s Sugar Cookies, a.k.a., the best sugar cookies known to humankind

Posted on by

Yesterday we had another big snowfall; I don’t even know how many that makes so far this year – four? five? I have already lost count – but I watched the thick, fluffy flakes fall from the sky and it was like a switch turned on in my brain.

As I had mentioned in my last post, I have finished my shopping, but I will tell you this: the super-festive-Nicole-the-Elf feeling did not kick in until yesterday. And hoo boy, has it kicked in. Keep my husband in your thoughts, for I think I may be already driving him crazy. This morning, as I sipped on my seventh – yes, seventh – cup of coffee, I talked in a rapid-fire voice about how I had picked up extra coconut milk and I was thinking maybe this year I’d make peppermint truffles in addition to my usual dark chocolate, and I wonder if dipping some in white chocolate would be good, or too much, and should I roll them in crushed candy canes? He just looked at me in the way you might look at someone who is in danger of spinning off the earth, at 7:00 am, and then left for work.

I ventured out into the Winter Wonderland yesterday to pick up a few items from my local Co-Op, and when I walked in became immediately immobilized when confronted by the giant festive display inside the store. When I say “immobilized,” I mean I stood there staring at all the items for sale for at least five minutes before strolling over to pick up bread, avocados, and peppermint extract, and then circled back to choose three different kinds of candy canes.

Speaking of peppermint extract, has anyone else found it difficult to obtain lately? Is there a shortage? When I find it, the price seems to be the same, but it has been hard to find lately.

So the house is now stocked appropriately with coconut milk, chocolate, peppermint extract, molasses, and candy canes; all things I need for my usual holiday baking sweatshop. There’s just one little issue: I don’t have a whole lot of people to bake FOR.

See, here’s the thing: when the kids were in elementary school, there was always a bake sale or a classroom party or a potluck for the teachers to bake for. This year: nothing. And while the kids are in the human-garburator stage of life where they eat so much it makes one’s head spin, they really cannot eat eight dozen cookies prior to those cookies going stale. They really can’t. And yet, I have already made double batches of both sugar cookie and gingerbread dough, both sitting in my freezer, waiting for the day they come alive to be eaten. And that doesn’t even account for my giant batch of gingersnaps I make come December. When I told my older son that we would have at least eighty gingerbread men to decorate and I wasn’t sure why I had made so many, he said “It’s okay, Mom, we can give them away to people!”

Bless the child. YES WE WILL. So prepare yourself, people in my circles, because you will be the recipient of baked goods this year. I’m already planning my random acts of cookies so watch out, you might have something sweet forced on you, and if I’ve had as much coffee as I’ve had this morning, you may be alarmed at my beaming face.

But this recipe! Recently a friend asked me for it and I was appalled to see that I did not have it anywhere online. Let me tell you, it is my number one most popular cookie recipe. My kids’ friends are always asking me to send it to their moms, teachers used to email me for it, and I have sent it out myriad times. Yet, I have never blogged it*. This is my mom’s sugar cookie recipe and I am just going to humbly tell you that it is no-fail, amazing every time. Well, once it failed since I forgot the baking powder. But if you actually follow the recipe, it’s no-fail. My friends used to love these cookies when my mom made them, back in my childhood days, and now my kids’ friends do, and it feels like this beautiful cookie-circle-of-life.

Nicole’s Mom’s Sugar Cookie Recipe

1 cup butter, softened

1 1/2 cups granulated sugar

1 tablespoon vanilla

2 eggs

3 cups flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

Cream together butter, sugar, and vanilla until fluffy. Beat in eggs. Mix in flour, baking powder, and salt.

THIS IS THE IMPORTANT STEP: EITHER CHILL THIS FOR TWO HOURS UNTIL EASY TO HANDLE, OR FORM INTO 2-3 BALLS, WRAP, AND FREEZE UNTIL YOU FEEL LIKE CUTTING OUT 7 DOZEN COOKIES. I usually make the dough, freeze it, and then a few weeks later, actually bake the cookies. Pro-tip! You don’t have to do everything at once.

On baking day, obviously you will have thawed the dough, but kept it refrigerated. Preheat oven to 350 degrees, or 325 for convection oven. Line baking sheets with parchment paper and do not think for a moment that you can skip this step! Use the parchment paper, trust me.

Roll out dough on floured surface, about 1/4 inch thick. Cut into festive shapes (for birthdays I make stars, for Valentine’s, hearts, and for Halloween, there are cats, pumpkins, and ghosts). Bake for 10 minutes, until edges are browned. I like very soft cookies, if you like crunchier ones, then add a couple of minutes to bake time. Allow to cool before frosting.

Now, some of you (HI LIV, MELODY, AND AMANDA) are die-hard pipe-and-flood types, but I, alas, am not. I am more a “whimsical smear of buttercream with a few random sprinkles” kind of a cookie decorator. There is room for all of us in this world. If you, like me, are limited in your decorating abilities, then I recommend the following delicious frosting to spread on the cookies:

Nicole’s Easy Buttercream

1/2 cup very soft butter

4 cups icing sugar

1 tablespoon vanilla

2-3 tablespoons milk

Cream together the butter, icing sugar, and vanilla (add the icing sugar slowly or you’ll have a hot mess of a countertop). Add the milk to thin to the correct consistency. This might yield slightly more frosting than you need, but YOU CAN FREEZE IT TOO. Amazing. Add food colouring if you wish. Get ready for compliments, people!

*edited to add: apparently I have already blogged about these cookies! But, the recipe is so nice, we can have it twice.

Tis the season to start shopping

Posted on by

I know many of you loathe November with the fire of a thousand suns, and for those of you I offer you a big hug and also the not-really-news that it is already half over! It feels like it was just Halloween, just a day or two ago, and here we are, less than six weeks away from Christmas.

I officially finished my Christmas shopping yesterday; it’s the one task I like to accomplish early so as to not worry about the mall, or, more often, shipping. I will confess that the vast majority of my shopping is done online, because really, what could be easier? Click click click, and boxes show up on my doorstep. However, sometimes a trip to the mall is necessary, which is what I did last week, to pick up a few special gifts. It’s still early enough in the season that no one was road raging in the parking lot and the customer service people were not yet in the depths of despair; on that note, don’t forget to be nice to the people working customer service. It’s a hell of a job this time of year.

Digression: I have become obsessed – OBSESSED – with PC Points, to the point where I get really excited every week to view my new offers. Sometimes they are great – 200 points per dollar spent on cauliflower, 400 points for red wine vinegar – but often they are nothing I would ever buy, which is more disappointing to me than it probably should be. However, I am avidly collecting my points and, like my Type A personality might indicate, I try to be super-efficient and collect as many as possible while not going off my actual grocery list. It’s like a linear algebra equation!

Anyway, I was involved in a conversation regarding such things, along with in-store savings, and a woman I don’t really know said When a cashier says “you saved $25 today!” I say “No, I spent $200, YOU’RE WELCOME.” This person has clearly never worked customer service: a) cashiers usually have a script that they need to follow, in order to keep their jobs, and b) wow, why would you be so rude? I invite such people to spend one day working customer service; it’s no picnic. Too long, didn’t read, BE NICE, PEOPLE.

The past two weeks have felt weird and a bit hazy; I think it’s due to the time change and our sudden plunge into darkness. No, I know it’s theoretically the same amount of daylight, minus the several minutes of daylight we lose each day at this dark time of year, just shifted, but when the sun sets before five o’clock and it’s pitch black when I’m making dinner and I know there are still five weeks left before things start to get lighter, a little bit, well, it’s disconcerting.The last few days have been foggy and ice-crystally and the sky was the same greyish-white as the ground, and it was a bit gloomy. The hoar frost was pretty but that was the only visually redeeming quality.

Bringing a little bit of joy to the gloomy day was my afternoon spent finishing my shopping yesterday. No, I didn’t go to the mall, I visited my good friend who is an artisan and she makes the most beautiful malas and bracelets you have ever seen. She custom made a bracelet for someone on my Christmas list and I was just blown away by the craftsmanship and beauty of it, and all of her wares.

Gorgeous, right? She also has something called The Goddess Collection, and you can find her on Etsy right here. She’s a dear friend of mine and I’d love it if you’d check it out or let anyone who might be interested know about it.

The new Book Fair Lady at the elementary school (HI HAYDEE) had sent me a message about the fair going on right now; the first one without me since 2009! I was happy to hear that she answered “The posters are five dollars” several thousand times; the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Today was Parent-Teacher Conferences, and there was a book fair being held at the same time! The boys perused the offerings after the conferences and I spied this:

EACH. ONLY $5.00 EACH! We had this exact same sign in the elementary school and yet it did nothing to quell the steady stream of questions regarding the monetary value of each poster. However, once one gets to junior high, the comprehension skills must be more advanced; I did not hear any such queries during my short time at the fair.