For as long as I can recall, my grandma worked on a crossword puzzle every single day. It was probably twenty-five years ago when I commented on this to her, while filling in a few of the clues myself (64 across, seven letters, second letter L, one of the Golden Girls). She told me that she needed to keep her brain sharp in her old age, and the way to do that was by a) reading books, and b) doing crossword puzzles. She was not a neurologist, and neither am I, but she was sharp as a tack, as they say, until the day she died.
Now, we’ve all read Still Alice – to this day the most beautifully terrifying book I have ever read – and so we all know that sometimes there is absolutely nothing to be done about a decline in cognitive function. Sometimes, if it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. But I do think that my grandma was right, and it seems like researchers have confirmed her use-it-or-lose-it belief. Particularly in the case of menopausal cognitive decline, the “brain fog” and forgetfulness that come with loss of estrogen, effects can be combatted with what is called effortful cognitive activity. This is great news for anyone who has stared into space for five minutes trying to think of the word for when you have mixed feelings about something (ambivalence, that’s the word I’m thinking of).
During the pandemic I was introduced to the concept of Struggle Care, by KC Davis, and one thing that she said that has stayed with me lo these last few years is the idea of caring for yourself tenderly. Tenderly! It’s such a beautiful thing to think of and often, if I find myself straying to the self-scolding side of life, I think Nicole, be tender with yourself.
What does it mean to be tender with yourself? I almost started a joke about the definition of tender according to Webster’s Dictionary, but stopped myself just in time, you’re welcome.
Lately I have been thinking that the best way to be tender is to nourish oneself on multiple levels and in multiple ways. I came up with five categories of nourishment, and there are five Mondays in June, so I am making this into a series! A series about nourishment, in the best, most tender way. This week, if you couldn’t already tell, is all about nourishing our minds.
A small note before we begin is that all of the categories overlap, like a gigantic Venn diagram in which our whole self is the centre, affected by mind, body, soul, sleep, and connection. All of those things affect the others, which is what makes this so interesting to me. As an example, we can’t talk about brain health without discussing how sleep affects it, and researchers have also shown that effortful physical activity, social contact, and dietary habits also affect our cognitive abilities. But for now, I want to talk about the aforementioned effortful cognitive activity.
I love crossword puzzles but almost never do one, mostly because I don’t get a daily paper and the thought of doing one online is unappealing to say the least. This is the same reason I don’t do any of the Wordles or Connections or what have you, although I’m sure I would love them. I don’t need any more things that I want to maintain a daily streak.
What I have had a streak of, for 1190 days, is DuoLingo. I think learning anything new is definitely effortful cognitive activity, and I am currently refreshing my high school French along with learning Spanish and Arabic. The latter of which requires extreme effort on my part, believe you me.
Speaking of streaks, I am now on Day 28 of the 100-Day Challenge! Some days I do not have it in me to play anything other than a piece that I know well, that my fingers can find the keys by themselves with very little brain power from me. Sometimes it amazes me that my old exam pieces, which I would have learned circa 1991, are immediately at my disposal, often without the need for sheet music. But in the spirit of brain nourishment, I have been trying new and more complicated pieces as often as I can; my new songbook arrived on Friday and it has been so fun! I’d be surprisingly good for youuuu.
Writing is good for the brain as well, particularly, for me, fiction writing. But even writing this humble blog gives me brain exercise: thinking of topics, writing, editing, etcetera. Of course, reading is great for our brains, and that brings me to…
Weekly Reading
After a few weeks of pretty meh reading, I had a really great week. Readers who know me well might be surprised to see not one but TWO male authors this week. Typically if I’m reading and enjoying a book written by a man, someone in my family will ask is he gay or British? Or gay AND British? and that generally describes Men Whose Books I Enjoy Reading. I will, however, add another category: craft of writing books, as you will see.
My Twenty-Five Years In Provence. I first read A Year in Provence in the late nineties, and immediately fell in love with that wonderful memoir of food, village life, and the beauty of that region in France. I really enjoyed reading this book of essays which touched on the author’s move to Provence, the writing of the memoir that would be an international hit, and the years following that celebrity. I highly recommend it for fans of Mayle – it’s not as good as the original, but it’s pretty lovely all the same.
On Writing and Failure. My friend Gill, who is in my writing support group (HI GILL), recommended this book and wow, was it a hit for me. This book was exactly what I needed at the exact right time. It’s both encouraging and uplifting, which is weird, because it’s a book about writers and their constant rejections and failures. It describes writing as being trapped in a dusty abandoned hotel, slamming your shoulder against closed doors again and again, until one – unrelatedly to the doors you are slamming your shoulder against – opens. The author describes the relentless rejections of all writers, and says if it was that way for Hemingway, why would it be any different for you? He also points out that even if a writer is not rejected or experiencing failure, their work could be forever misunderstood, as in the case of Animal Farm, which was written in 1943 as an anti-Stalinist piece. Since the world was still onside with Uncle Joe at that time, it didn’t get published until AFTER the war, at which time it was touted as anti-Communist literature, to go with the general feeling of Red Panic. Also, Gulliver’s Travels was meant as incisive satire and ended up being a children’s story. Whoops. (or, as Julie would say, whops. HI JULIE). Anyway, this book is incredibly funny and really relatable on a number of levels, and I recommend it for anyone who wants to get published.
What Are You Going Through. The title alone is something we should think about in any interaction with any other person. Everyone is going through something. When Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) mentioned this book, by the author of The Friend, I knew I had to read it. Every single word in this book is so carefully chosen, so artfully woven together. I love her writing style immensely, and I read this slowly, savouring every sentence. This is a beautiful book about humanity, about how we are all going through something, together yet apart. If you are a person who needs a thick plot and a lot of action, this book will not be for you. But if you love deep characterizations and emotionally moving themes, then you will love it. It’s about aging, life, death, and the end of the world as we know it, which sounds dreary but is incredibly hopeful and gorgeous. It is heartbreakingly sad, but beautiful.
Hateship, Friendship, Courtship, Loveship, Marriage. Speaking of heartbreakingly sad, and also of cognitive decline, the final short story in this very excellent collection is about a woman whose husband puts her in a home for people with dementia. What seems straightforward on the outside is revealed to be a karmic revenge on the man for his many indiscretions; this short story was made into a movie called Away From Her, which I have never seen. It wasn’t this story that made me pick up the collection, though, it was because I had a sudden and desperate craving to reread the story Family Furnishings, and of course ended up rereading the entire book. The title story is a really incredible one about a chance encounter leading to a whole new life, and the story What Is Remembered is probably the best short story ever about an extramarital affair. All the stories have to do with choices and how often we can change the entire trajectories of our lives by choosing a particular path. This might be my favourite of Munro’s collections. It’s so moving and intriguing.
Happy June, friends! We had our first strawberries this week, which were a complete delight. The library parking lot is filled with red roses, and it adds a certain magic to just picking up a book. More magic than books normally give, that is! I hope you have lots of lovely magic in your life right now. Keep nourishing those big beautiful brains, my friends. xo
What a great idea for a June series, Nicole!
I find it amazing that your grandmother was doing crosswords to keep sharp–that’s exactly what doctors recommend today! My gran used to copy out English words she’d looked up (it was her fourth language) into a notebook and do other brain-related stuff in her eighties to stay sharp too… What a generation!
And I love that Rex goes with you to the library! I’m learning Arabic too and learning a different script has definitely proved to be challenging…
Oh I should probably clarify that Rex does NOT go with me to the library. But sometimes I park there and take him for what I call an “urban walk.” I don’t think he would be allowed into the building, honestly, and that is probably for the best *imagines the accidental destruction of his giant tail*
Ooh, I love a series! I used to do a crossword puzzle everyday- that was when we got a newspaper. Like you, I don’t really want to do one online. And also like you, I count reading and blogging as things that keep my brain sharp, but maybe I should add something else.
I LOVE the music from Evita! And… that Alice Munro book sounds great. I don’t usually like short stories, but I might have to read this one. Most importantly- thanks for including a Rex photo!
Munro is one of my all-time favourite writers and I think this might be my all-time favourite of hers. Well…actually…I love all her writing. I CAN’T CHOOSE A FAVOURITE. She hasn’t written one word that I haven’t loved.
Wow, three languages at once (and one that doesn’t use the Roman alphabet). That’s impressive.
Congrats on your strawberry crop. The only time we tried growing strawberries it was a flop.
I wonder if it’s too humid where you are? We had to net off our plants because otherwise the birds descend on them like a Hitchcock movie.
It is so important to nourish our brains! My poor brain is having a hard time lately, and I keep losing my gloves and forgetting why I went into a room. I never used to lose my gloves, so this is annoying to me. I play Word Chums with my mom, which is fun and keeps us thinking. I love that you’re keeping up with your 100 day project of piano playing. Songs from Evita will be wonderful! I’ve been practicing some easier songs, and I can literally feel my brain cells smoking from the effort! You get applause and gold stars for learning Arabic!
Oh goodness, I forget why I go into rooms all the time and it gives me some worry. Like, AM I STILL ALICE? I hope it’s just a blip. I’ll stare in the general area of the pantry and try to remember, go back to the kitchen, see the ingredient that I needed…etc.
That collection of short stories sounds excellent! I’m also planning to read the Nunez book as well. Right now I’m reading “All in Her Head” which Stephany recommended and I believe you read as well!
My paternal grandparents would do the NYT crossword puzzle every day when they were alive. They would photocopy it and then race each other! They both were sharp until their deaths at 86 and nearly 101. I do a lot of daily puzzles – kind of an obnoxious amount honestly… I do wordle, connections, strands, the mini crossword, and sudoku through NYT. Then I do 5 different puzzles on linked in. And lastly, I do a daily Spanish lesson. I don’t do them all in one fell swoop. I do some in the morning and some at the end of the day. Yesterday I gave myself an extra challenge by playing memory against both boys (separately). They are very good at it, especially Will!
Yum – fresh strawberries!! How delicious! I would eat until so many of them!!!
They would race each other! I love that so much! Good for them, I’m not surprised they kept so sharp.
You do so many word puzzles and games! Plus you work at a very smart job all day – your brain must be in top notch shape!
I did read All In Her Head as well! The Nunez is super sad but I really liked it. Just…be warned. IT IS SAD.
My mother was sharp to the end. She did daily crossword puzzles, word games, and played a variety of Solitaire games as well as listened to books on tape. She knew what to do to keep her brain clicking. I think of her when I play my word games: Wordiply, Connections, M-W’s Blossom, Strands, Wordle, Anti-wordle, and Scrabble. Great topic, btw. We all have to do something to stay alert.
I agree, Ally, it’s so important to just keep thinking in new ways. Wow, you play a LOT of word games! That’s amazing!
This is a great topic and one that I have also spent a lot of time on. There is so much info out there on improving/maintaining brain health & cognition. I do Wordle, Connections, play scrabble and occasionally crosswords and sudoku. And read of corse! Can’t wait to read what you share.
I cannot believe that you are studying Arabic! Wow – well of course you are lol. I’m working hard at Spanish as starting in September I’ll be teaching English (online) to a student from the town we visit in Mexico.
That’s so great you’re learning Spanish, Pat! The trouble with learning through an app is I’m getting really good at reading and understanding, but not so good at conversing. I need to have multilingual friends with lots of patience to talk to me!
Yay for strawberries! I think that they don’t grow very well where I live, because no one that I know plants them. But I have had them fresh off the vine and there is nothing to beat it.
Yay also for writers telling it like it is. Writing is incredibly hard, and yet some people write entire books in spite of the odds;-)
I used to do DuoLingo for Hebrew back when I had coworkers in Israel, so it was the same concept as Arabic of a new alphabet and reading right to left. Basically I was sounding out “cat in the hat” all over again, but after a while I was starting to get it and it was a good feeling.
I’m a big crossword nut and my annual NYT app subscription is the best money that I spend. However, I do the puzzles in a way that is enjoyable to me – I use solvers if I need them, it is absolutely not competitive, and I do not know or care if I have a “streak”. If these things are good for my brain, then great! What I know for sure is that they add joy to my days.
The new alphabet and reading from right to left is so tricky!
Oooh I should get some crossword puzzles for us to do while you’re here!
that’s why I do wordle so faithfully. Also Still Alice freaks me out every time I mess up a sentence in a lecture hall…
Sometimes I will think of her getting lost in Harvard Square, and it will make me feel so anxious as I often get lost!
Oh I’m looking forward to your June blogs! What a great idea. I always feel I’m not doing enough to keep my brain sharp. Those word games were ticking me off because it was taking me a long time to figure out so I just stopped doing them..lol. But I read most everyday…
Oh thank you so much! I’m excited to write them!
Since I had a mini stroke – & then menopause fog on top of it – some days, i’m thoroughly convinced I’m losing my mind – which is so scary.
I try to read & do SO MANY brain games every single day to try & stay as sharp as I can
That’s so smart, Rebecca, exercising your brain like that. I’m sorry you had a stroke! You are so young! I used to teach Yoga for Stroke Survivors and it was such a great experience. The students were amazing.
Yes, to all of this! Exercise, nutrition, sleep, and social activities like you said are all important. I am quite on top of the research, as both of my parents had/have dementia.
Like you, I love crossword puzzles but tend to only do them on flights. You already know I love to read, but I’m also attempting to learn Mandarin phrases so that I can use them with my DIL and granddaughter, who is being raised bilingual. However, there is no way I’m going to be learning their script!!! I’ll stick with the pinyin!
I’m finding the script really difficult! My son is learning Japanese on DuoLingo and it’s also pretty tricky. But it’s so helpful to have those phrases – I’m sure your DIL and granddaughter appreciate that so much!
I love the idea of caring for ourselves tenderly. And agree, the best way to extend our life expectancy is to keep body and mind as healthy as possible. While my body missed the memo, I keep my mind as active as possible daily, with games, puzzles, reading, and the occasional exercise.
Isn’t the “tenderly” idea so lovely? I think about it all the time!
I have always been a puzzle fanatic. I used to love logic problems and crossword puzzles. I subscribed to the Dell puzzle books way back when. And always did the puzzles in the newspaper every day. No idea how I got out of that habit…but have just started doing puzzles again in the past couple of years. I do lots of the New York Times puzzles – crossword, mini, connections, Wordle and strands. Doing puzzles online did take some getting used to. I am so impressed that you are learning Arabic! It seems so difficult and different. I’m thinking of trying to learn a new language. I really enjoyed Duolingo when I used it to reacquaint myself with Spanish.
Oooh those puzzle books! Maybe I should get a few and just do some on my own. There’s something about the urgency of a daily newspaper puzzle though!
I absolutely love a crossword puzzle and for that reason alone (pretty much) is the only reason we continue to receive the newspaper every morning. But sadly, our local paper has changed the puzzles and they are no longer challenging; so every Sunday, I seek out the NY Times…again, mainly for the crossword.
I wish we could do crosswords together! They are so fun!
I will admit that the reasons we get a Sunday newspaper: 1) coloured comics, and 2) crossword puzzles.
Your categories of nourishment reminds me of when I took the “Science of Happiness” course – the professor identified certain things that were scientifically proven to enhance well being – creativity was one of the categories. I do think creativity is a way to exercise cognitive muscles. Sleep and exercise were also categories in that course. I learned so much from the course that I actually base my daily habits off things I learned in that course. But speaking of creativity, the NYTimes is running a five day creativity challenge. (https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/well/creativity-drawing-art.html)
Today was the first day and the prompt was to doodle ten circles. How fun is that?
Oh they still have coloured comics? I love those! You grew up Canadian so I know you’ll remember For Better or Worse? I used to absolutely love that comic strip. I’m older than you though so I remember all the characters growing up.
That course sounds like something I’d be really interested in!
I am going to lose my mind, Nicole. I do NOTHING like this. I only speak English, I have never completed anything more than a basic crossword puzzle. Sigh.
Tender, I need to be tender with myself, right???
Maybe kids are keeping my brain sharp? I don’t think so. My brain often feels like mush!
Still Alice gave me ALL. THE. FEELS.
I went and put What are You Going Through on my TBR.
And fresh strawberries. Yum, yum, yum!
Be tender! Treat yourself tenderly! And, I don’t know, you have a job in which you need to exercise your brain, so I would just check that box off for you.
Warning! What Are You Going Through is very very sad!
I love doing puzzles. I usually do the NYT ones each day. I did a M.Div. over 9 years which kept my brain working. I’ve always found maths much easier than writing, so the effort of wrangling words really taxed my brain. I also had a couple of semesters of Greek and Hebrew (with exams), so I understand how hard it is to add in learning different characters. In both Hebrew and Greek our first lesson was spent learning the alphabet. Does Arabic have vowels, or is it like Hebrew with the marks on the consonants representing vowels?
I finished studying in 2020 and I miss it. I still read fairly widely including academic titles to keep my brain working. I also do the report writing in our data analytic program at work which helps. I do love a problem to solve. I was doing French, Spanish and Italian in Duolingo, but I’ve let it slide; I must pick it up again.
Wow, Melissa, I had no idea you had an M.Div! Good for you! Arabic does have vowels, kind of, but it’s very phonetic. Like a lower-case l is a long a sound. I am finding the script so difficult! But you are giving me hope.
LOL, Whops made it into your post. I meant to comment earlier but I was swampled. (I told Ted and Maya about swampled on our walk yesterday, love it.)
I love this concept, which seems obvious but also very worthy of reflection, of the 5 parts of the whole person, and I love that connection and sleep are both included.
Oh, your books! I also love that Munro book, though I am not sure whether I own it or it was a library book, but while I am generally not a big fan of short stories, hers are so amazing that I obviously make an exception. I should look around and see if it’s here somewhere. I loved The Friend, so now I want to read this other book by the same author. And I also want to read the book about Provence. I’d probably start with the 1 year version, since you liked that one more.
What things do I do to keep my brain busy, besides reading and working…hmmm. Well, I don’t generally do crosswords, but I do play a lot of word games on the computer. Wordle, Octordle (which has several games of its own), Waffle, Connections, Strands, and WordScapes. I think I should play more number games maybe.
I used to have a roommate who was gifted in languages…he spoke (not fluently, but well enough to converse and help people as a front desk clerk at a big San Francisco hotel) Spanish, Portuguese, German, French, Japanese, and Arabic (plus his native English). I, however, got an F in French and barely passed Latin, and when I did duolingo a couple of years ago in preparation for my trip to France, my pronunciation was so bad that the game would sometimes just move on. Aéroport was one such word. Whops.
I am always so impressed at people who are multilingual. It’s just so amazing. I speak Spanish like I’m in preschool, at best, and I’ve been working at it for now 1191 days. It amazes me how people (like our friend San!) can just…speak and write in two languages, no big deal. I feel like I can read and understand some languages fairly well but when it comes to conversing, it’s a whole other story. I’m sure if I immersed myself and practiced speaking I would be more confident and better at it but I don’t know anyone locally who I can do this with!
Definitely start with A Year In Provence – I don’t think the 25 year one would be very good if you didn’t read the first one. I loved it so much, J, I think you will too. It was written in the 90s and there is something lovely about that time.
SWAMPLED. I am totally saying Whops all the time now.
I am looking forward to read about your nourishing journey. I love the word tenderly caring for oneself. we all should do more of it.
have you noticed some change in duolingo? suddenly all our previous lessons have been changed.
Coco, YES! I have noticed! I think they made changes across the board because it’s different now!
After my dad died, a friend told me: be gentle to yourself.
This post brought that back to me—tenderness, nourishment, the quiet art of taking care of ourselves.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing too much of that, if I’m indulging or retreating too far.
But then I read your words and realize: I’m finding my way. I’m doing okay.
I’m so looking forward to this series.
You always remind me that caring for ourselves—mind, body, soul—isn’t selfish.
It’s sacred.
And it matters to see that reflected back. This is the good work. 💜😘
Lol – I do not want to be adding things to maintain that daily streak! I do Wordle and Connections and Duolingo (Spanish – 2000 days and counting!) and I’m not sure if they’re nourishing my brain but I do hope they are. Arabic! That’s impressive. I learned some Arabic in the early grades and it is not an easy language to learn. I’m impressed, Nicole!