It is the last Monday of my forties! I’m celebrating by sending off the third draft of my novel to my trusted beta readers. It’s exciting and oh, so scary. I vacillate between it’s a draft, relax, and what if it’s terrible and everyone hates it? Not every book is for every person, and I wrote a book I would want to read – and I have read it many, many times now in the editing process.
The whole point of writing this book has been for pleasure, for a challenge, to see if I could do it, and in that spirit, it’s an accomplishment. And I honestly do not think it’s terrible, although it won’t be everybody’s taste. What book is? In any case, I did it, and I’m excited to get feedback from my very first readers (HI READERS, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE).
My very favourite thing on the internet, bar none, is when friends post photos of themselves, particularly selfies. I have heard selfies disparaged in many times and in many ways, but to me, they are nothing but happiness. I love seeing my friends’ faces; I see a selfie and I think there’s my beautiful friend! Seeing a photo, especially when I haven’t seen that person in a very long time – or, in some instances, ever – makes me feel closer to them.
There is something else about selfies that I love, and that is that I know the person felt good about themselves and their appearance at that moment in time.
A few weeks ago I read an article on Cup of Jo entitled What Do You Like About The Way You Look, and the title alone gave me a real visceral reaction. I think it’s universally uncomfortable for women to verbally express what they like about their appearance, for fear that they will sound vain or that they will trigger dislike or eyerolls from others – often other women. Who does she think she is? Instead, we are conditioned to really make ourselves smaller, lesser; to deflect compliments lest we are viewed as being too inflated, too big for our theoretical britches.
I, for one, was raised in an environment in which vanity and a preoccupation with one’s appearance was to be not just discouraged, but extinguished. And that upbringing resulted in the exact opposite outcome from the intended: I am as vain as the day is long. I put on mascara and tinted lip balm to walk the dog at seven in the morning, I wear a full face of makeup and do my hair every single day, I spend a lot of time on my wardrobe and my skincare routine and, most of all, my hair. I probably think that song is about me.
I do like the way I look – not every single aspect of my appearance sparks joy, of course, but in general I do. However, I feel very awkward saying so. The very idea of proclaiming what, specifically and particularly, I like – love! – about the way I look makes me nervous and sweaty. Some part of me seems to think that verbalizing my satisfaction about my appearance will lead to an immediate loss of friends and intense dislike from everyone around me.
That’s stupid. If a friend or loved one said she loved, for example, her breasts or hair or skin, I would probably say yes! I love them too! You’re gorgeous! Why should it be different to say such a thing about ourselves?
We should be able to celebrate every aspect of ourselves, including our appearances. We should be able to say what we love about the way we look without immediately following it with well, in every other way I’m a troll. We should be able to take a compliment without saying no, no, YOU look great, my roots, my god, I need to colour them. We should be able to post a photo without saying felt cute, might delete later. No! If you feel cute, DO NOT DELETE!
I guess this is why I love selfies so much, because they show what we can’t tell. They show that we like the way we look in them, even if we can’t say it. A selfie tells me that my friend thinks she’s beautiful, at that moment, even if she can’t say it aloud.
We should take away the stigma. What do you like about the way you look? What in particular? For me, I think I have a really beautiful smile. I also think that – and this is a recent development – I have a nice, shapely ass. I immediately wanted to type something disparaging about my body as soon as I wrote that, friends! Immediately! But I’m leaving it as is, and I’m challenging you to chime in and celebrate your own appearance.
Weekly Reading
I had an epic reading week, thanks to a) short books, and b) a lot of rain. I don’t think these books could be more different from each other if they tried.
Forever…Another Judy Blume and this one was the spicy favourite of my youth! I honestly think this is the most real book I have ever read about the intensity of teen relationships, the ups and downs of sex and love. It was so resonant for me when I read it as a teen, and it is a nostalgic read now. It mirrored a lot of my own experiences, except for the ones where Kath has open conversations with her parents about sex. I would have rather died. Also – interesting note – Kath’s grandmother in this book is a nearly seventy-year-old social justice lawyer who gives her information on Planned Parenthood and disease and pregnancy preventions. I mean, this could not be less like my own grandmas. However, I loved this book then and I still love it now! Also, and this will make sense only if you have read this book, one of my friends as a teen had a boyfriend named Ralph and it was really hard to look at him.
Foster. I really admire this author for her ability to convey such incredible emotion and storytelling in such a concise way. This incredible little book details a short time in which a young Irish girl is taken to stay with elderly relatives while her long-suffering mother has yet another baby. It’s a story within a story, and it’s a book that leaves a lot to the reader’s imagination; I for one will be thinking about it for a long time. I also will be thinking of the absolute misery that was women’s lives when the power to control their own fertility was not theirs; the desperation and poverty from such situations cannot be understated.
Loved and Missed. Woof. This is a truly brilliant piece of writing; so evocative, so moving. It’s also so very sad on so many levels. It has to do with a woman who is raising her granddaughter, as her daughter is an addict. There are so many themes of secrecy and shame, inter-generational trauma, pain and love. It shows what it is to love an addict, betrayal, and endings. So good and so very sad.
Five-Star Stranger. This was such an interesting concept – and well-executed as well. This follows a man who is a Rental Stranger, meaning that he can be rented for social occasions; think escort, but for all kinds of occasions and without the sex. He has had a long-term client who has rented him to be her daughter’s dad once a week, and her daughter has no idea that he isn’t actually her father. It’s a really interesting statement on loneliness, artificial relationships, and what happens when we don’t live in an authentic way. I really enjoyed it, thanks Julie (HI JULIE) for the recommendation.
I have a lovely, busy week planned for this, my last week in my forties: I have time with The Squad and a writing date, my parents are coming for a visit this weekend and I’m hosting an Easter dinner for nine. There will be cake involved, and mini-eggs in nests, the forecast is for sun, and my little spinach and kale seedlings are thriving. I’d love to hear about what you love about yourself, friends, but if that is too difficult, then I’d love for you to look into the mirror with love. xo
Thank you for sharing your beautiful self, smile, and words, Nicole! And thank you for writing the novel too.
I can’t wait for you to be a fabulous 50!
I like my hair :). My parents always had us wear our hair short when we were kids, so growing it longer was my rebellion in my 20s. And thank you for helping me with the Nutrafol rec. when things got a bit thin last year.
_Loved and Missed_ sounds all too true. All my child advocacy cases in the last seven years have involved parents unable to care for their kids because of drug dependence and usually it is THEIR parents who step up.
Have a wonderful week–there are some lovely plans afoot!
Oh, I like your hair too! It’s gorgeous. I also was made to have short hair when I was a kid so as soon as I had autonomy over it, I grew it out. The wilder the better!
One of the really interesting parts of Loved and Missed was that the grandma kind of kidnapped the baby, and her reasons for doing so were mostly good, but also because she was lonely and wanted a do-over. It was an interesting take that showed people are so multifaceted.
Beautiful post, Nicole! Yes, why is it SO HARD for women to talk, or think about their appearance in a positive way? I read somewhere that most people only look in the mirror to criticize something. I would say I’ve become less critical about my appearance the older I get, which is ironic because I mean let’s face it- OBJECTIVELY speaking, I was more attractive as a teenager. I would also say that I like my smile- although I can’t think of a single person whose face isn’t beautifully transformed when they smile.
Let’s move on to Forever. What a great, great book. I had forgotten about the grandmother. And yes… “Ralph”, ha ha!
I’m very excited for you and your big birthday! Sounds like you’re getting ready to celebrate in style, as you should!!!
It’s true – you’re never fully dressed without a smile! There’s an earworm for you. But you do have a great smile and that recent photo where you had your hair down? Whew mama!!!
It must be my wavy hair, even though I often wear it in a ponytail, because when we were picking sperm donors for both kids, the two most important factors for me were intelligence and curly or wavy hair. Now they both have hair that’s curlier than mine, getting it from both sides.
I haven’t read Foster, but I really liked the movie based on it (The Quiet Girl) so maybe I should.
Oh that’s so interesting! You do have lovely hair! Noah’s is very curly, too!
This is the first I’m hearing of a movie of that book!
Oh and congrats on the book, that’s such a big accomplishment!
Thanks Steph!
Happy Birthday week Nicole! It’s my daughter’s 15th birthday today so I’m hearing Landslide again. 🙂 Oof, this post hits right now and what a refreshing take on selfies and getting women to support women. It’s very tough for me to say what I like about my appearance, we are the same generation. I can say I like my eyes and how they can sometimes look blue or green depending on light or make up or clothes, I have a dimple in my cheek when I smile and very thick hair. And now I want to delete all this but I won’t. I won’t!
Well, as someone who knows you and has seen you in person, I have always thought you are so pretty, you have great skin, colouring, facial features, everything. You’re a classic beauty! I SAY THIS WITH AUTHORITY!!!!
I am weird and usually take selfies because I do want to exist on record; my mother believed she was ugly (… her mother told her she was, I do not know why, perhaps because they looked alike and *she* felt ugly? or because vanity is unsafe or religiously illegal?), and occasionally mentioned that she was ugly (but did *NOT* say or intend that I was ugly), but absolutely everyone said I looked just like my mother, so for child-me, the math was pretty straightforward? Anyway, we have nearly zero photos of my mom Doing Things for a solid 25+ year span in there – there are family portraits and very occasionally she is in group shots [but usually she managed to be behind the camera instead, which is in part due to her mother-in-law not thinking of spouses as “in the family” but in part just photo avoidance], so it’s not *totally* a barren landscape… but do I have photos of her gardening? Canning giant batches of fabulous pickles [her pickles are amazing]? Sewing or crocheting or reading? Just about anything other than uncomfortably smiling while standing with the rest of the family with a camera pointed at her? Not really.
So! I do not feel cute facially (but I *do* like my eyes!), but I still sometimes take selfies no matter how scruffy my clothes are, because I EXIST. And every once in a while, the photo catches a facial expression that feels like I really am, and that is always fun. (…most of the time I look either more drugged or more murderous than I think I look, and that too is okay, albeit disappointing.)
That said, I don’t post selfies online, so taking selfies is sort of a different Thing in terms of “maybe I look cute enough” than releasing them to the wild would be. (I have mixed feelings about having never taken nude photos when my body was in its 20s, as I actually considered at the time, for behold, I did not have body image issues for the most part, just face ones; on the one hand, zero proper-blackmail photos exist; on the other hand, sigh)
(also YES the hazard of jealousy and consequent terror of being thought “too big” and taken down. WHY? And also how do we avoid making ourselves a target [because truly, it does suck to have people jealous of you and trying to cut you down to size] while actually, y’know, existing in the world and not doing all this defensive/deflecting garbage?)
KC, I love this. We exist! And one day people will want to see that we existed, so get in the photo! I’m sorry you have so few of your mom (WTF, your mom’s MIL? Ugh) but I’m glad you get in the photo. I kind of wish I had nudes of myself at that age too! But I have bikini photos so that will have to do.
I hope you have a lovely last week of your forties!
I have thick curly hair in a distinctive shade of red, and eyes that shift from gray to green to blue. I was also just thinking yesterday about how grateful I am to be able to sing. (I was listening to RFK on the news, grrrr, and thinking about his disordered voice and all the nerves and muscles and tissues that have to cooperate to make singing possible. Trying to focus on the grateful rather than the grumpy.)
Oh, I wish I had a nice singing voice! I have the passion for singing, but, um, not the talent.
Your hair sounds gorgeous and so do your eyes! My husband has similar changeable eyes, and they are so neat.
Leave it you, Nicole, to inspire us to think positively about ourselves. I think the most naturally beautiful women tend to be confident about their bodies. They wear clothes confidently and take time to invest in their skin and makeup because it makes them feel good, not because they’re doing it for someone else. THIS IS YOU.
Hmmm. My husband thinks every single inch of me is beautiful (I do not stop to appreciate this fact nearly enough; like not a single time in our relationship has he ever critiqued a SINGLE thing about my body – never ever, EVER), but I definitely do not feel the same. “My hips are too big, my boobs are too small” I think. But thankfully age is making me more confident! I once received a compliment from someone at a Clinique counter that I could be a lip model, and for 20+ years I have felt very confident about the plumpness of my lips. Ironically, I don’t wear any colour on my lips ever even though I’d thought they are one of my best qualities. My hairdresser always compliments my natural hair – it’s dirty blonde but has really nice natural highlights in the summer and it is THICK, but I hate dealing with hair, so I wish I had stick straight hair that required NOTHING FROM ME EVER. And in a dress, my natural curves are really showcased. Big hips and a small waist are fun in a dress!
Congrats on the book draft. How exciting!!! You’re doing it!!!!
Sorry to tell you this, Elisabeth, but John is right and you are wrong! I also love your hair and you have gorgeous lips and smile! I mean, how badly do I wish my hair was thick! For someone who doesn’t like dealing with hair, yours always looks perfect to me!
This is such a thoughtful post. I’ve always loved the colour of my eyes – blue – they are quite a dark blue, and my long legs. They’ve helped me reached so many things without looking for a step stool LOL.
I loved the book Foster (the movie The Quite Girl was beautiful), and I have had Small Things Like These on hold forever! That has also been made into a movie starring Cillian Murphy that I want to see after reading the book.
Congrats on the third draft!!! With that completed, a birthday, and time with family and friends you have much to celebrate this coming week. Enjoy it all!
Until you and Steph mentioned it, I had no idea that Foster was a movie! Small Things Like These is also excellent, but I think I liked Foster a wee bit better.
Blue eyes and long legs – that sounds like a song! I love it!
How exciting and nerve wracking to have your novel in the hands of your beta readers! It’s such an act of vulnerability to put your art out into the world and ask for feedback! But congrats on getting to this stage as that is a BIG step!
I added you a rec source for Loved and Missed – Catherine N also recommended it! So it’s bound to work for me, but I’ll be prepared for it to be a sad, heavy read.
Sometimes I like about myself is my fine bone structure. I have delicate fingers/wrists that look very feminine. I also like my brown eyes. I wish I didn’t have so many fraught emotions about pointing out what I like about myself…
Lisa, that is exactly where I heard of Loved and Missed – from Catherine Newman! You must also get her substack?
I love seeing photos of you, I think you’re so pretty and you have such great style too! And your hair, my god, your hair. I mean, if it wasn’t weird I’d transplant your hair onto my head.
Yes I receive her substack and added several books to my TBR from a recent substack from her!
I hadn’t thought about my hair as being an asset but I should change my view on it! The woman that helped do my hair when I was at the sales conference commented on how thick it is. I hadn’t thought it as thick but it must be!
I need to do a reread of Forever! I loved it as a teen. Blume books were the best!
I have never liked a selfie that I’ve ever taken. Like, my arm is NOT long enough because I need a little distance between my face and the lens. I am about as vain as they come and I think I get that from my Dad. He had a thing about not getting his hair messed up and I’m the same exact way. I hate wind and rain because of it! Like you, I ‘do’ my hair every day (curling iron, hair spray) and my makeup. I always packed makeup in my hospital birthing bag and used it before pictures. THAT’S how vain I am! I did natural childbirth three times and had broken blood vessels on my face and you can’t tell. My motto is If You Look Good, You Feel Good.
Lol, you and me, we are working from the outside in! Ha! I love it! I also feel good when I have put effort into my looks, which is daily. I can’t imagine spending a day unshowered, unmadeup, in pajamas unless I was ill or something. And I too took makeup to the hospital to give birth!
Yay for the book draft! How thrilling to have it out there with readers! (And scary!)
You know what? I love my ginormous nose. It comes from both sides of the family and it ties to me to all my beloved aunts, uncles, and cousins. In profile, I look just like my Uncle Kevin who is a great man among great men and it makes me giggle when I see a profile shot of myself and think “I am a miniature of a 60something man.”
Thrilling and scary, yes, that is exactly my feeling!
I love love LOVE this, Engie!!! Also you are a person who, when I see your selfie, makes me so happy!
This is so heartwarming and inspiring, Nicole. You are so kind and beautiful – in pictures and in words. I’m feeling quite bad about how I look these days because I’ve gained so much weight and my neck is drooping. As Nora Ephron said, “I feel bad about my neck.” Sigh. But, OK, things I like: I’m tall, which I’ve always enjoyed because I can reach things and climb into tractors and big trucks. I have thick red hair that’s turning grey nicely, in a silvery way.
I hope you have a wonderful birthday, my friend! I sent you a card!
And congratulations on your 3rd draft – that’s amazing! I can’t wait to read your book!
Girl, I am here for you on the neck thing. Mine looks like a weird tree trunk. But! Trees are beautiful so I’m going to embrace this tree trunk of mine. Right? (I love Nora Ephron, she’s magic).
I am envious of your thick, red-silver hair!!! It sounds gorgeous! I’m tall too, sisters!
Happy last week of your 40s! I am so looking forward to Club 50, and I will be joining you very soon.
Yes dammit I like the way that I look. In some ways I am your opposite in that I would wear all of the makeup if I could, but I can’t due to eye sensitivity, so I had to embrace the natural look.
I feel that when I was young I got a very mixed message on looks. One the one hand no one should ever for one minute consider that they might be attractive because that was vanity, but we were also supposed to spend endless hours on hair and makeup. It was a confusing standard.
I was going to text you but I’ll just say it here: I started listening to I’m Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself this weekend and I like it. Her name wasn’t familiar to me, so I googled her and my mind was blown to learn that it’s not the first time that I’ve heard her voice. She did the podcast Wilder! That’s a wide range of interests. My subtitle for the book is now Little House Goes to Paris to Get Laid.
YES I KNOW ISN’T THAT SOMETHING??? I had heard her on another podcast, and I was like…wait…isn’t that the Wilder woman? AND YES THEY ARE THE SAME. She wrote another memoir as well.
I think you rock the natural look! I only got the one message about looks when I was young, because spending endless hours on hair and makeup – which I certainly did as soon as I was able – was extremely frowned upon!
This is such a happy post, Nicole! Birthday week!!! Your novel is with beta readers!!!! A gorgeous selfie of you, and kind words of encouragement!!!!
It is a uniquely difficult challenge to come up with a response to your request. In fact, I find myself turning to what my body can DO rather than what it looks like. Which is fine and good, and gets me through many a period of self-loathing. But you asked for things we like about our physical appearance. I like my hair — it’s thick and long and can be shiny and bouncy. I like my trapezius muscles — they show that I have been lifting weights. I like my butt, which is round and firm and bubbly. I also like my fingernails — I have nice long nail beds which means I can fit a lot of polish on them.
It feels ridiculous to say these things about myself, but it is a lovely exercise that I’m glad you recommended. Plus, I am enjoying reading all the wonderful things the bloggers I love like about themselves, and mentally adding all the other ways they are beautiful, even if they don’t see it.
I know, why is it so awkward to say it? But it’s not awkward for me to receive it. For example, I actually thought “If Suzanne DOESN’T mention her hair, there will be a stern look from me.” Your hair is fabulous! And your nails too! I have never seen your butt or traps but I bet they are spectacular!
I mean, yes, more important that our bodies can DO things, but it’s good to admire our own reflections too!
Congratulations on your draft! That’s quite an accomplishment!
The o lyrics thing I like about myself is my eye color. They are gray/green with gold around the pupil. And my eyebrows have a nice natural shape. Everything else is why I don’t let people take pictures of me.
Have you ever seen that Seinfeld where Elaine explains how important eyebrows are? I love that one.
Your eyes sound gorgeous! I’m sorry you don’t feel up for photos though!
You do have a great smile! And I love my hair.
You have amazing hair and you always have!
You are beautiful, partly because you fit Western beauty standards and mostly because you are so kind and generous and gracious and compassionate and that comes through in your appearance. Plus you do have a great ass.
It IS really hard to say good things about our appearance as a woman, especially a woman over 50. I feel like you’ve created a safe space though. I am okay with how I look generally. I like my smile even though it squinches my eyes shut. I like my legs. My hair is good when it’s good (when it’s bad it’s horrid). I like having boobs. I like having green eyes.
I have to go lie down for a bit now lol.
Lol, I felt like lying down after publishing this! I agree with your self-assessment although I’ve never seen you have a bad hair day so I refuse to think that exists for you! You always look great to me! *nestles*
Wow this is a tough one Nicole! Your beauty is natural and it also shines from within I think. You are so positive, seem to always be laughing, smiling enjoying life. I hit 70 in a couple of months! I am grateful for a lot of things about my body but it’s hard not to focus on a couple of areas that have really changed in the past few years. I am still very strong and athletic, and physically able to do so much more than many my age. I am so fortunate to not have to struggle with gaining weight. My hair is thick and healthy with just a sprinkling of grey so it’s a nice ‘salt & pepper”. I try not to worry about the lower part of my face which seems to have dropped all of a sudden. I enjoyed Suzanne’s post about wearing shorts — my legs suddenly became so wrinkly (what even???!!) but I still wear shorts and try not to think about it, reminding myself that those legs ran 19 marathons and can still easily run 12 – 15 km. Thanks for this post xoxo
Pat, you are so beautiful and we should all be so strong and healthy while pushing 70! You’re an inspiration!
I immediately thought of my eyes, and the reason I don’t hesitate to say that, I think, is because they tie me to my father’s family. Dad had the same dark brown eyes, my brother has them, Grandpa and my aunt…it’s like carrying them with me. They also brought me the best compliment I ever got, which was when I met an art student and he said, “Caravaggio eyes!” Which certainly felt nice to hear.
Your birthday week plans sound wonderful. Enjoy the descent into the eff-them fifties. It’s a ride!
C, I love that so much! I love that connection!
Nicole, this is an excellent exercise for all of us women to do. Because I bet you the house that all of us, if asked, could catalog a whole host of things we don’t like about ourselves – and probably do, in our minds every day.
So here’s what I like – God blessed me with GREAT calves and dimples. I like my hair most days.
Happy birthday week! Congrats on finishing your book! Your fifties are going to be FABULOUS! xo
Gigi, I KNOW! I think if you asked any woman, she would have a list a mile long about the things she didn’t like about her appearance! And then struggle with what she does.
You are the first person to say calves!!! I love it! Dimples too – and I love your curly hair!
My mom was very into self esteem, but wanted it to be for the right things. She thought that if girls were told they were pretty, they would grow up thinking their looks were all that mattered, so she never told me I was pretty. She told me I worked hard, that she liked my hair and my wrists and my eyes. She told me I was smart and funny. And this being the world it is, I heard my friends’ moms tell them they were pretty, and I figured my mom was compensating with these other things. “You’re not pretty, but you’re smart”, etc. She did her best, and still. SIGH.
I liked the way I looked a lot more when I was your age than now, and really, even better when I was 40. But that’s aging, and it’s a privilege. SO – Things I like about the way I look:
Cheekbones
Eye color (Hazel – brown/green)
Hair – thick, decent texture
Lips – I sometimes get compliments on my lipstick, but I don’t wear lipstick
Feet – Don’t tell Nance (she hates feet) but I think I have nice feet. My hands aren’t shabby either.
When I was in my mid 40s a kid (maybe 17?) rode past me on his bike while I was out walking, and he told me my ass had a great shape. I think he was shocked when he came around and saw my older face. I should have felt harassed, but I didn’t. Maybe because he was young, maybe because he didn’t say anything more, maybe because he didn’t stop and bug me, I don’t know. Truth be told, it kind of made my day, clearly, since I remember it almost 15 years later.
Oh that’s so interesting, J! Gosh, motherhood is a landmine, isn’t it? I think you have a beautiful face and I’m sure your feet are hot stuff too (I like my feet as well!). You know, people pay good money for feet photos! Maybe instead of selfies we should be taking photos of our feet! (I kid…but kind of…how much are they paying…)
I LOVE that story about the nice ass – hahahaha it’s probably a story he tells his friends. “And then, she was like my MOM’S age!” Love it!
You definitely have a nice smile, but I can’t say that I have ever seen your ass, but I am sure it is nice too! 🙂 Congrats on getting your book done, well done enough for beta; that is a huge accomplishment! I know that you can sometimes get mired into your own editing and it is good to get it out to a third party (parties) for some feedback and fresh eyes. I hope that they read quickly so you can get to the next step soon.
I love my own smile too and also my eyes, but I am not a selfie person. I feel like I am happy about the way I look, but don’t need to share myself, which is maybe wrong, but it is what it is. I am much happier taking and posting photos of stuff I see while out and about. My mother is a no makeup, no hair dye, wrinkles and all kind of person, and I guess I got that from her, as I don’t really do any of that, and am okay with just looking how I look, and if you (aka people) don’t like it, so what? So I guess although I am not necessarily confident about some things, looks-wise, I am still okay with just being myself! (PS I used to hate my small breasts, but as I got older and did more sports, I have come to appreciate not having a lot extra there!)
Mired in your own editing is exactly where I am at! Well, I WAS at. Now I’m on writing break for a few weeks. But yes – I was at the point where I’d lost all perspective. Is this good? Is this bad? I DON’T KNOW.
I love your confidence! You are who you are and I like it. Also – I had a really nice rack in my youth but I sure don’t now, and honestly, I’m glad. Hashtag deflated. I just tuck those floppy tube socks with the tennis balls in the toe into a smaller bra/ tank top and things are just fine!
What a lovely, lovely post, Nicole. I will always admire you for the way you talk about aging gracefully and embracing every year for what it is … a gift!
I used to be shy and self-conscious as a young girl/woman and one of the worst things for me was the feeling of having to “compete” with other women. I just wouldn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to fit myself in tiny dresses and high heels to satisfy some sort of expectation. Taking selfies, if it had been a thing back then, would probably not have been something I would have done.
But as you know, I do take a lot of selfies now (often after my workouts) and I feel most pretty and confident in athleisure. I am not super-toned but I might possibly be in the best shape of my life and I can confidently say “I like my body”. Not every single part of it, if I look closely, but my overall physique.
A couple of years ago, I ran some errands after coming from the gym (so it must have been pre- pandemic) – in running tights and a tank top – and a random man complimented me and said I had a great body. It startled me.
In any other circumstance I probably would have felt “violated or attacked”, but it was clear that he wasn’t coming on to me. It was just a matter-of-fact statement in passing, without any hidden agenda. Just a sincere compliment. And the best part was that I realized that he said out loud how I felt about myself. Confident.
I also need to say: have you ever noticed that kind, compassionate and lovely people who are beautiful on the inside also are SO MUCH MORE beautiful on the outside? And that mean people also appear “uglier”? YOU, my friend, are beautiful inside and out. Just a random observation.
I’m so surprised that you were a shy and self-conscious girl, San, because you’re so pretty and confident now! Although I have seen your selfies and I would challenge your statement that you’re “not super-toned” – um, yes, you are. I think that random man who complimented you also saw what I see! (although I would have felt a bit weird about it, but as you say, if it’s matter-of-fact and not creepy that’s different).
As to your last statement – YES. I do notice that! And thank you so much for the very kind compliment!
This is a beautiful post Nicole. I agree that as woman we tend to be more critical to ourselves than to others. I was never too vain about my appearances also I did have period of adolescents of fast weight gain that affected me for a while. but overall, I care less than my mom about how I look. She would criticize me for not putting together when going out, even for groceries trip. I don’t care honestly how people in the store looks at me. I want to model confidence to my girls no matter how we look. I want them to feel confident and strong with their body, than over complicating it for the little fat here and there. That’s why I feel doing sport is so important for them.
I like the idea of taking selfies more often, which I rarely do. What I like about my body? mmm. I like how strong it is to let me run for long, carry bags around easily, and energetic to do all the things I want to do.
Oh… I love your smile too Nicole, because it radiates kindness.
Can I read your book? hehehe… I’m so intrigued.
You’re such a great mom, Coco! I love how positive you are with your girls. Lol, I kind of sound like your mom and I are similar as I’m always putting lipstick on to go to the store, etc.!
I hope that you and everyone else will read my book! But not yet, it’s not quite ready 🙂
I’m going to be the outlier here and say I’m not a fan of selfies. I know they’re popular, I’ve even seen IG accounts where someone takes a picture of themself every day. That behavior is beyond my understanding. For me not doing selfies has nothing to do with how I feel about my looks, it has to do with protecting my privacy. Says the reserved introvert who looks great most of the time, btw. 😉
Well, you know how I feel about selfies. 💜
Happy birthday week! I have several friends turning 50 this year, and it just makes me so happy.
And a big congrats on your book—I can’t wait to read it when the time comes!