It was a big weekend at the Boyhouse with lots of things to celebrate. Twenty-three years ago yesterday I was wearing this outfit:
And then twenty-one days ago yesterday this guy made his entrance into the world:
The truth is that ever since our son was born our wedding anniversary has been kind of eclipsed. He arrived at 11:55 pm, he couldn’t wait five more minutes? In any case, this necessitated a celebratory cake.
Yesterday was also Rex’s fourth birthday, but honestly, that is a lot of things for just one day. I mean, I kind of celebrate Rex every day, but I like to think of Rex Day as the day in October when he came to us. That said, I did buy him a dapper new collar.
If you have been reading this blog for a while, you might be thinking wait, didn’t you just buy him a new collar to replace the one that was destroyed at the kennel and yes, I did. I had ordered a collar from an Etsy artisan in Ukraine back in November, it took months to get here due to the postal strike, and it was a disappointment from day two, when the size adjustment wouldn’t hold. It was constantly becoming loose and twisted and although it was not cheap, I had to admit defeat. I chalked it up as a sunk cost and ordered another collar – from a Canadian artisan this time – and I’m very pleased with it. I like the plaid that reflects the Scottish ancestry of his last name, which is my last name, which is different from my husband and sons’ last name.
With my son’s birthday upcoming, last week I was digging out the sheet music for the song that most reminds me of his early infancy. Back in 2004, we didn’t have very many TV channels, streaming didn’t exist, and neither did YouTube or phones that weren’t actual telephones. I was always scared I would fall asleep during nighttime feedings – god, I was so tired – and would drop the baby, so I would watch whatever was on at two in the morning. Usually this was either an infomercial or MuchMusic videos, and I would generally choose the latter. If I Ain’t Got You by Alicia Keys was very popular at that time, so I probably watched that video five hundred times.
I only need to hear the opening bars to be transported back to that time. Nostalgia is a lovely thing, because I have a tendency to gloss over all the hard parts – the exhaustion, the crying, the uncertainty if I was doing anything right – and I focus only on the feeling of holding the baby and sniffing his head.
A recent episode on the Bad on Paper podcast focused on music, and one of the discussion questions was what song always makes you cry, at which point I realized something interesting: Landslide, always a sobfest in the past, no longer makes me cry. I used to not be able to get through half the song without dissolving into a puddle of sadness, but no longer. Am I dead inside? Maybe. But I think the truth is that anticipatory grief is worse than the grief catalyst itself, the empty nest. Then again, I still have a son at home.
I did go through a period in 2023 where everything made me cry, most notably Miley Cyrus’ The Climb. Crying to Miley Cyrus while on the Peloton is an image that neatly sums up my mental state at that time. I still feel strange when I hear there’s always going to be another mountain, but I don’t cry. I think the only song that currently has Cry Power for me is White Wine in the Sun; I start listening to it, nodding along and feeling seen – the hymns have nice chords but the lyrics are dodgy – and then, bam. I need the tissue box.
Another discussion question was what was the first song you remember liking, and that is an easy one for me to answer: Queen of Hearts by Juice Newton. I still love that song, and I still bounce around like one of the kids in Charlie Brown’s Christmas when I hear it.
I asked my son and husband if they remembered their first loved song; my husband’s was We’re Here For A Good Time by Trooper, and my son’s was, distressingly, Gold Digger. Only a really good mother listens to Late Registration on CD in the minivan while her two small children are absorbing every word.
I remember clearly the moment I realized I had made a grave mistake: I had taken the children over to my parents’ for the afternoon, when my not-yet-three-year-old son said to my mother Grandma, I ain’t got no money so I can’t get no hoes. I had barely recovered from that revelation when his not-yet-two-year-old brother yelled We want prenup! We want prenup! My mother, understandably, looked at me in confusion and asked what they were talking about, at which point I realized that there would be no more Late Registration in the minivan.
Weekly Reading
White Tears, Brown Scars. This very thoughtful and insightful book details the ways in which women of colour have been excluded from the white feminist movement. It is an account of lived experiences, with a lot of focus on Middle Eastern and Indigenous women, which is something we need to see more of. Those of us living in Canada are well aware of our dark past with regards to our treatment of Indigenous peoples. There are so many – hundreds? thousands? – missing and murdered Indigenous women that are omitted from news media, for example. This book also explores the reprehensible practice that Canada – and the author’s native Australia – had of taking Indigenous children from their families in order to assimilate them to white culture. Sexual violence affects all women, but this book shows how much more it affects women of colour, and the biases about such travesties. One thing the book didn’t touch on, but is something I think about a lot, is the large percentage of caregiving jobs that are performed by women of colour – nannying and childcare, eldercare and home care, cleaning and housekeeping – so that white women can thrive in their careers. It’s a very uncomfortable truth. Women of colour face not only the misogyny that all women do, but also racism. A small aside I found interesting is the note that there is a tendency to refuse to give women – all women – respect with regards to names and titles. The best example I can give is presidential candidates: women are referred to familiarly by their first names, men by both names or last name only. No one ever says “Al,” “Bill,” or “George,” for example. Just a little something to be aware of. This is an important book, and it is even more important today than it was when it was published five years ago. Thanks to Stephany (HI STEPHANY) for the recommendation.
Like Mother Like Mother. Someone recently asked if I would rather have a) a book with great writing and a bad plot, or b) a book with a great plot but bad writing, and every time, I will choose the first option. It will surprise no one who knows my taste that I barely need a plot, I just like good writing and well developed characters. So, this book is the b option. I thought the plot had a lot of promise – an intergenerational story of three women, one of whom writes a roman a clef about her mother, who is a very powerful newspaper editor, renowned for “bringing down” a corrupt president in the year 2018. I wonder who that president is modeled after? Anyway, the mother is heralded in the media world but is a really terrible and largely absent mother, who grew up herself without a mother. Themes of intergenerational trauma, etc., abound. The daughter goes on a quest to find what happened to her grandmother, it’s a whole thing. There’s nothing wrong with the plot. The plot is fine. The writing style, however, really didn’t do it for me. It’s choppy and uneven, and the reader is absolutely flooded with backstory, given to us through the least believable dialogue one can imagine. We skip timelines constantly, sometimes as much as three times in a single page. The characters are one-dimensional caricatures. It’s a book that tells, rather than shows, and I did not enjoy it at all. Additionally, the author acknowledges the “sources of several unattributed quotations buried in conversations.” WHAT. This is not a thing we do!
WHAT.
Joy For Beginners. I think the best way to describe this book is “cozy.” It’s a lovely read about a woman who, after cancer treatment, decides to embrace life and face her fears by rafting down the Grand Canyon with her daughter. She gives all her friends challenges to take on as well; we read about how they accept the challenge. There are a lot of insightful and relatable vignettes about womanhood as we go through middle age: marriage and divorce, motherhood and empty nesting, travelling and walking long distances. Thanks to my friend Laura (HI LAURA) for bringing this to my attention. Laura leads the book club for Melissa Gilbert’s Modern Prairie website and this is the book they discussed this month. No big deal, just mentioning that MY FRIEND is super cool.
I believe that the soul lives on long after our bodies die, and I think in a former life Rex was a lawyer. He is not allowed on the furniture, but he seems to think this is appropriate. Three paws on the floor – he’s found a loophole. Hope you all have a beautiful week! xo
You are so beautiful in that dress! It’s truly simple perfection and the gloves are a great touch. Swoon! How sweet that your son was born on your anniversary. Our third grandchild was born on our 35th anniversary and we were excited about that.
LOL at your sons with the lyrics! I remember having a plumber here and my 4 year old son was singing Fleetwood Mac and that plumber was impressed! We just didn’t own many CDs. I still cry at the opening lyrics to Black Parade. My earliest favorite song was Benny and the Jets. I have no idea what it’s about and I probably don’t even want to know.
Rex knows how to work a loophole!
She’s got electric boots, a mohair suit! Great song, I love Elton John!
Thanks so much! What a sweet anniversary gift you received.
Lots to celebrate! Congratulations..all good stuff! I really like your choice of books. I need to look up those titles. They all sound interesting.
Thanks so much!
First of all, you are not dead inside. Secondly I do love Rex’s new collar! Very Scottish indeed! Also LOVE Juice Newton! Me and Joanne used to play that record over and over! First love song? It has to be something by ABBA!
ABBA is the best!! I love their entire collection!
Ohhhh, you were a beautiful bride! That’s such a classy look with the gloves and pearls. And you’re still a stunning beauty! Happy anniversary! ❤️ There are so many songs that make me cry, but the worst one is How can I Help You Say Goodbye by by Patty Loveless. Geeez. It played once when I was waiting in line at the bank and I had to leave the building. I’m about to cry just thinking about that song. But I also have happy childhood memories about songs. I loved Pop Music by M, Funky Town, Bad Girls, Disco Duck, and so many more. That’s hilarious about your kids singing the inappropriate lyrics!! And The Loophole! Ha! Ha!
Thank you so much Michelle! DISCO DUCK!!! I loved that song so much! Ditto on all the others you mention!
Happy (belated) anniversary to you and birthday to M. I hope it was a nice day for everyone. Rex looks very handsome in his new collar. Oh, and I love the view out your window in the last picture.
Thanks Steph! I hope North had a great day as well!
Wow, your wedding anniversary, son’s birthday AND Rex’s birthday all on the same day!!! That’s one special day. I’m glad Rex got a new collar, but I can see why you opt to celebrate Rex Day in October.
You know how I love a plot-driven book! I do get annoyed by bad writing though. I’m reading a very plot-driven book right now and the writing is so-so. Not bad, but it doesn’t live up to the writing in some of the books I’ve read lately. But, the plot is keeping me going on this one. And- misogyny is still going strong, as the recent election in the US shows. I did notice that we say “Hillary” and “Kamala”… I think we should refer to the current, ahem, leader as “Donald” (or, “Shithead” as my sister and her husband do. I know I can swear in your comments, Nicole!)
Thanks for the Rex photos! And Happy Anniversary!
Jenny, the writing in that book was so bad! Like just a flood of backstory delivered in terrible dialogue. No thanks!
I think it’s so offensive that we refer to women by their first names only, when men in similar situations get at least both names, or last name only. It’s such a sign of disrespect.
Thank you for your good wishes!
You’re so beautiful, Nicole!
I was laughing at your kids reproducing bits of “Golddigger” for their grandmother! OMG, so hilarious. Better your mom than your MIL, I suppose!
You know, I can’t remember the first song I liked. My parents loved music, and it was always playing in our house, so it all kind of blends together. But yes, songs will totally take me back, and depending on the mood I’m in, tears are likely.
Books: 2/3. I’ll avoid that middle one! The first one was brilliant! Your friend Laura sounds so cool, and her pick sounds like comfort-reading… I have a student with the same name as that author currently 🙂
Maya, that’s exactly my thought – better my mom than my MIL!
I also have very strong memories of hearing Kenny Rogers when I was a kid, and I can still sing all his songs by heart!
That book was excellent, so smart and so thoughtful.
Congrats! You look pretty and happy in your wedding photo. Spiky hair kid is a classic.
Among the Charlie Brown kids I’m Sally with the yellow hair. The photo of Rex is exactly how I feel today— betwixt and between.
I will always picture you as Sally, getting your groove on, from here on out!
Nicole, you’ve done it again. I want to read and re-read this post for all sorts of warm fuzzy feelings.
That’s so cool your son was born on your wedding anniversary. I feel like I knew this, but had definitely forgotten the significance of the date. And wait, Rex was literally born that same day as well? I feel like we need to make a national holiday out of all this celebration.
Bad Day by Daniel Powter was my summer spent working in Montreal (they played it on the metro ALL. THE. TIME. Also, Oasis because I listened to it on repeat while I was in the lab. This Love by Maroon Five takes me back to Grade 12 studying for AP Biology while wanting to spend all my time reading Harry Potter. Home by Michael Buble an Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day were studying for exams in university. I could go on for approximately forever.
REX. He looks so dapper and I love his loophole. It’s like he’s daring you to say anything. Gah. Perfection.
I love Green Day! And Michael Buble. Also, this is weird, but in one of my final exams for grad school, I had “Getting Jiggy With It” stuck in my head for the entire exam. I got an A but it was an experience. “I’d rather play ball with Shaq and them, flatten them.”
Happy Anniversary! And HBD to your son! And to Rex! Your son had a lot of hair as a baby…mine were mostly bald which is why I pierced the ears of my only girl so people would stop assuming she was my 4th boy 🙂
Thank you! Yes, he had a full mullet when he was born. Strangely, my secondborn was pretty bald!
Loved this post, happy anniversary and many great wishes for the birthdays. Your son’s hair is everything!
A song that makes me cry or at least makes me wistful, is Fields of Gold by Eva Cassidy. Pair that with Michelle Kwan’s skating performance in 2002, and waterworks.
Oooh I love that you’re a figure skating fan! I’m older than you, but do you remember the 88 Olympics in Calgary? So much good skating! I went to one of the events, I believe it was ladies’ short program.
Thanks for the shoutout and I’m glad you enjoyed the book! My first song was I Love Rock Roll sung by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts. My crying on the treadmill song (I thought I was the only one who did that, but of course you do too!) is Best Day by Taylor Swift.
I actually don’t know Best Day! I’ll have to give it a listen. Maybe not when I’m working out though.
I love Rock and Roll is a great song! Do you remember the Weird Al version about rocky road?
Your sons were wise at a young age. No money = no hoes. And prenups are good.
(Seriously, I am laughing so hard that I am wiping tears from my eyes)
Happy anni, and happy 21st and 4th birthdays! I can see how the non-fur baby birthday has eclipsed the anni and fur baby birthdays;-)
“He’s got that ambition, baby, look in his eyes. This week he’s mopping floors, next week it’s the fries.”
WISE BEYOND THEIR YEARS, MY SONS.
(just imagine my mother’s reaction to this. I’m just glad it wasn’t my MIL they announced this to!)
Oh gosh, I loved this post so much. The Alicia Keys song brought back memories of when Anna was little, and that made me smile. Both of the pictures made me smile too—your beautiful wedding photo and your son’s sweet baby picture.
I made both of my dogs’ birthdays on my birthday because they’re both born in April, and it was just easier, but I always forget because my birthday just outshines theirs… I love them all year long, though, and they get more than their share of love and treats.
I added Joy for Beginners to my TBR list. That sounds like it’s right up my alley.
Hahaha yes, if there is one birthday that is overrated, it is a pet birthday – Rex gets attention and treats lavished on him every single day!
That song is so beautiful, it’s one of my all-time favourites.
Such a beautiful bride! Happy anniversary, again! And a very happy birthday to your boy. Our anniversary also always gets eclipsed because the majority of birthdays in this family start in September, roll into October and November, then there’s Thanksgiving and Christmas and a December birthday. By the time our anniversary rolls around we are done!
Thank you!
When is your anniversary, Gigi? Is it January?
Wait, your wedding anniversary AND your son’s birthday AND Rex’s birthday are the same day? HOW CAN THAT BE? Don’t you know that there are 364 (sometimes 365) other days in the year??? Amazing.
1. Happy Anniversary
2. Happy Birthday (to your son)
3. Happy Birthday (to Rex, looking great in that new collar!)
White Wine in the Sun always makes me cry, too. I tried to show it to Ted and Maya on YouTube in December, and my daughter got a good laugh at me because I started crying RIGHT AWAY. Sigh.
Another song I always cry to is ‘Bigger Than the Whole Sky’, by Taylor Swift. It makes me think of Mulder in so many sad ways. SIGH.
I remember being in 1st grade and really liking ‘Cecilia’ by Simon and Garfunkel. A few years later I was into ‘Have You Never Been Mellow’, by the incomparable Olivia Newton John.
Nicole, you haven’t changed much, same smile, same look. I think that’s the part of human being that tends to stay the longest which reflects the inner world.
I am the same with you regarding forgetting the hard part of motherhood, I seriously don’t remember it to be hard nor long, I miss those early days of first child, what a revolution in discovering the love and immense capacity and sense of purpose.
I love your wedding photo; such a classic and beautiful bride. Happy anniversary to you both!
Happy birthday to your son…but dang FIVE minutes more wouldn’t have hurt him to stay put! Attention seeker!
I do not know this White Wine In The Sun song. WHAT?
A song that always makes me cry is Seasons In The Sun (a dying friend) and Shannon (about a dog dying)
REX HAS FOUND A LOOPHOLE. Brilliant, I’m dying!!
What fun! I love when celebrations coincide. There’s a day in January that is my sister’s birthday as well as two of my nephews and I just think it’s magical. You were such a beautiful bride!
Rex doesn’t seem to understand that it’s not just the feet that are the problem. Your uncovered butthole is on the couch, REX!!
I used to think “Beaches of Cheyenne” was a middling Garth Brooks song, but then I saw him do it in concert and now it makes me song. It’s probably still a middling Garth song, but now it’s in my top five.
Such a great post and such a beautiful bride. HBD to all the birthday people and furry friends. I love Rex’s loophole. We often babysit (dogsit?) our grand-dogs and they are allowed on the couches at their homes – with a throw pillow tucked under their heads if you please – but my husband does not allow that at our house. He even puts various pieces of smaller furniture (like kitchen chairs) and artwork on our couches to block the dogs from getting up. I think if they employed the Rex Loophole they might manage to squeeze their back end into a corner. My daughter was born in 1981 (yes, I am ancient) and we had only two TV channels at the time and a test pattern on both for the late night feedings. I listened to the radio (see ancient comment above) and the song Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes will always bring me back to that time. She had such a lovely rasp to her voice. My first and favourite album was Blue by Joni Mitchell. The song “The Last Time I Saw Richard” always struck me as inexpressibly sad. “The last time I saw Richard was Detroit in 68 when he told me, ‘All romantics meet the same fate some day; cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe.'” I AM a romantic and I took Joni’s words to be a warning; I am often cynical, sometimes drunk (um, maybe tipsy) but NEVER in a dark cafe. Re: explaining lyrics. I undertook to explain to my young son exactly what Eminem was rapping about on the CD he had just purchased. By the time it all ended, I was so very sorry I had started out on that educational process. Both my son and I got more than we bargained for with that conversation. I have also put Joy for Beginners on hold at my library and am looking forward to it. Thanks again for the post. I look forward to your writing and so glad I found your blog.