It’s a strange phenomenon that, no matter how long I’ve been away, it always takes the same amount of time to catch back up on life, which is two solid days. Three weeks, one week, four days: it’s all the same. It’s similar to Rex’s reaction to my return whether I’m picking him up from the pet resort or I’m coming back from grocery shopping: the extreme excitement is just the same.
Speaking of grocery shopping, I was at Superstore this week, and in the deli section I spotted Arlene. Arlene and her friend Adele walk three times a week on the same route that Rex and I often do; they are older ladies who always have a bag of dog treats with them for the pups they encounter. Of course, they adore jolly old Rex, and so I have had many interactions with them over the past year or so.
I approached Arlene to say hi, and she looked at me blankly. I realized that this was an out of context meeting, and so I said maybe you don’t recognize me without Rex! She had a strange look on her face, and said no, that’s not it. She reached out and touched my hair very gently and said you just look so…different. Your hair…
I started to laugh, realizing that she had never seen me post-shower, with clean hair and a full face of makeup. Normally she sees me in a toque, with only a swipe of mascara and tinted lip balm, because that is the minimum makeup I will leave the house in.
Someone else looks different around here, and that someone is Rex. It seems we have been catapulted into spring around here: we left in the snow and came back to spring weather, which is lovely. It also means that we are now firmly in Mud Season. Rex hadn’t been groomed since before Christmas, and because this is not my first Pet Resort Rodeo, I had booked him in to the groomer’s the day after we got back. That was not a minute too soon as he was, to put it mildly, filthy. But now he’s soft and velvety, and his paws were a pristine white for a new record of 15 hours.
Since we got home very late on Tuesday night, and since there is a three-hour time difference between here and Cancun, and since I really didn’t get a whole lot of restful sleep on my vacation due to continuous over imbibing of fun beverages, I was dragging last week. It reminded me of a question posed to me by Suzanne (HI SUZANNE), which is Do any eye creams/anti aging serums actually WORK? Or I guess I should ask you which ones do YOU use because you look fabulous. Well, colour me flattered, my friend! I will take that compliment happily, even though last week I felt much less than fabulous. Much, much less. In any case, I have a lot of thoughts about this question.
I think the word “work” is kind of relative, and that there are three big things to remember: a) as my older son told me a few months ago, you cannot stop the forward march of time, b) there is nothing that you can apply to your skin that will reverse what lack of sleep, lack of hydration, or too much hydration in the form of alcohol will do to your skin, particularly that under the eyes, and c) no cream will ever be the same as a surgical or cosmetic procedure. I will never forget the fancy retreat I was at with my husband’s work: I was speaking to a couple of lovely women who were from Houston, and when they revealed that they were five to ten years my senior, I gasped. Your skin is so fabulous! I said, Do you use a retinoid? Or something else? They looked at each other, and then at me with extreme pity. Oh honey, one said, Creams? Don’t waste your money. What you need to do is go to a doctor’s office.
So those are the caveats to what I’m about to discuss. I’m not interested in going to a doctor’s office, and while I drink a ton of water and prioritize rest, I am not going to give up my weekly wine or cocktail. And of course time takes its toll on us all. However! I do think there are some products that do help slow down the progress toward Apple Doll Face or, as I sometimes feel, The Crypt Keeper.
First – and I never think this needs saying, but then I hear anecdotal evidence that it DOES – wash off your makeup every night. Never go to bed with makeup on, it ruins your skin. It doesn’t matter how, it just matters that it is done.
Second, use a night cream. I currently use three different ones: Neutrogena Retinol Pro Eye Cream and Night Cream, and Cerave Hydrating Serum. These retinols mean business, and advertise that they are “not for beginners.” What I’m saying is that these are probably not appropriate for sensitive skin, but there are thousands of such products out there, the key is putting something on consistently each night after washing.
I am about to blow your mind. I recently discovered that the optimal way to apply undereye cream is to work from the OUTSIDE IN, using only your ring finger. I know! I had always gone from the inside out, but I do think it makes a real difference. It is not like the lines will disappear entirely, but as esteemed beauty editor Val Monroe so elliptically said, the lines around my eyes are the least unbeautiful ones. I will leave you to unravel that sentence.
Third, apply something for daytime. I like The Ordinary Caffeine Solution for under my eyes; it supposedly helps with puffiness and dark circles, and I think that’s moderately true. I also use The Ordinary Matrixyl 10% for my forehead and marionette lines. Doesn’t “marionette lines” sound so much nicer than the reality? I have recently switched from Smashbox’s Original Smooth and Blur primer to Resurface Smooth and Renew. I haven’t used it long enough to really report back on any changes or improvements, but what I have been using for at least three years now is Ilia’s Super Serum Skin Tint in SPF 40, and I love it.
Does any of this do anything for my skin? Empirically it’s impossible to tell as there is no control factor here; I’m not doing half my face to see how it fares compared with the product-free half. But it does make me feel good about myself. Yes, I look like I am almost fifty, because I am.
Speaking of the forward march of time, my husband and I watched the movie Conclave on the weekend, and this is remarkable for a number of reasons. I rarely watch movies because I am almost always bored or I fall asleep halfway through. I was interested, though, since we were recently in the Vatican, and also my husband read the book and enjoyed it a lot. This in itself is a weird role reversal, as he knew the entire plot of the movie; typically he is a person who wants to know nothing at all that is going to happen, whereas I need every spoiler possible. But it was a really good movie and I enjoyed it immensely.
How this ties in to the forward march of time is that in the first scene I gasped is that Ralph Fiennes? He’s such a good actor, but my main memory of him is from The English Patient. It’s strange to think how many times I watched that movie, given its length. What a sexy movie it is, filled with actors who I had – and still have – immense crushes on. Colin Firth! Willem Dafoe! Naveen William Sidney Andrews! And, of course, Ralph Fiennes, who had played such an intense and sexy character, hoo boy. His performance will flood the basement. I always thought, and still do, that Count Almasy would be great to have a hot and steamy fling with, but terrible to be in a relationship with. Imagine! You’d ask the guy to pick up the kids from school and he’d stare at you intensely; you’d be like oh GOD, we cannot have sex right now, the kids need to be picked up from school. “Honey, can you fill out these forms for the school?” “I do not WISH to write my NAME.”
Anyway, it was odd to me to have a picture of Ralph Fiennes in my head and then be faced with Ralph Fiennes now, thirty years after The English Patient. It would be like if I time travelled from 1995 to now and looked in the mirror, expecting a line-free face with a few errant pimples, a dark brown Rachel haircut, and super perky breasts to see myself now. Imagine how startling that would be.
Also startling was the music at the resort we were at last week. There were so many boppy dance remixes of beloved songs, like Eye in the Sky, for example. I love the Alan Parsons Project but it was a bit bizarre. The strangest by far was a cheerful dance remix of Wish You Were Here. Imagine Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage, but with a fast paced techno beat. I think the only song that would be stranger remixed in such a way would be Everybody Hurts.
I got so much reading done on that holiday, between humming along to the dance remixes of Your Song and Both Sides Now, so look for a book post later this week. Until then, happy March everyone! Take care of yourselves. March forward. xo
Nicole, You look absolutely beautiful in that final photo as you do in the photo that precedes it! And your first paragraph is pure wisdom–absolutely agree! Happy Rexie Reunion!
I really should start using under-eye cream, I noticed lines in a recent photograph… I always assume my face moisturizer will moisturize all of my face you know? Do you use any hyaluronic acid products? I love how hydrating they feel.
I do use hyaluronic acid! It’s in my skin tint serum and also the nighttime Cerave serum. It’s SO hydrating!
Such an entertaining post, Nicole!!! I think we should all take a page from your book because you really do look great. I do have sensitive skin and of course rosacea (scream) but as you said- there are plenty of prodeucts out there. I should probably start using SOMETHING.
As I read this, I realized I have a question about Rex. Does he ever get sad? It’s so hard to picture a sad Rex, but everyone gets sad sometimes… right???
Rex does get sad! He very resignedly makes his way to his crate when I leave the house (I give him a little treat every time I leave, and I give it to him in his crate) but I don’t close the door, so as I drive away I see his face in the window. He’s always still there when I get back. We joke that if there was a dog help phone, he’d be calling every Wednesday morning when I go to get groceries. “My mom left me!”
Speaking of skin care, I just bought a gadget that I love. The POP Sonic face cleaner. I figured you can’t have good skin without clean skin. It makes my face feel and look great! I’ve using it everyday for about 3 weeks and glad I got it. It will be even better in the summer when it gets hot and steamy outside!
OOOOOHHHHHH going to google that RIGHT THIS MINUTE!
Did Rex come back with lice and a wrecked collar? We need to know about Rex’s extracurricular activities.
I just talked about how the fine lines under my eyes are getting quite noticeable on Nance’s blog. I try to give myself the “aging is a privilege” pep talk, but I really do just wish I could have my skin from twenty years ago, you know? When I just threw on sunscreen and moisturizer and went about my day footloose and fancy free.
Oh, well. AGING IS A PRIVILEGE. (Just imagine me angrily saying that to myself as I apply concealer every morning.)
Engie, I now have Rex on preventative lice/ tick/ flea treatments, so no on that front! And I sent him with his old shredded collar because I couldn’t bear to have his new one destroyed! He came home muddy but otherwise seems fine.
I like the “eye lines are the least unbeautiful” – weird sentence but you know what, she’s kind of right. I feel kind of wrinkly and jowly these days BUT AGING IS A PRIVILEGE!!!! So I guess we are just in it together!
It’s so funny when we don’t recognize someone out of context! I’m terrible at recognizing people outside of their usual setting, and it’s always embarrassing for me! And I hate to say this, but I’d probably be more likely to recognize them because of their dog! You are so gorgeous in every way, Nicole! I love how you’re embracing your age and you radiate beauty! I have bangs to hide my forehead lines and glasses to conceal my crow’s feet, but there’s no hiding my failing chin! Aaarg! Is there a cream for a saggy chin?
Oh the chin and the neck! My neck looks like a striated tree trunk these days. Ah well, what are you going to do?
Thank you so much, what a kind thing to say!
We watched Conclave this weekend, what a coincidence. Well, maybe not as Noah picked it because of the Oscars and maybe you did, too. But still, a lot of movies were up for Oscars.
We didn’t watch it because of the Oscars, since both of us were surprised that the Oscars were on this weekend! But R had read the book and really enjoyed it, and the movie was only two hours, so I said why not. I’m glad we did!
Rex is just so joyful – I love it! In my effort to acknowledge my gratitude that I get to age and my vanity as my face changes, one of the things I have going for me is my consistency with skincare. As a pale person, I have a life dedicated to sunscreen in the morning and washing off said sunscreen at night and a deep love for moisturizers that make it easier to continue vs. having to start from scratch. If only I could rally around hydrating in the same way, haha!
Oooh I bet your skin looks great! Sunscreen is key!
I dislike that awkward feeling when you realize you should know someone but you can’t quite place the person. For years I’ve had prescription retinoid prescribed for adult acne, not to alleviate wrinkles. The anti-aging aspect is gratis. For once in my life having oily skin has been a blessing.
I always had oily skin up to age 45 or so and now it’s super dry, what is up with that?
I used to have yoga students come up to me in the grocery store, and if they’d only been in one or two of my classes sometimes I didn’t place them right away, which felt so awkward.
I always like hearing about other people’s skin care routines! I am SO not a pro in this area and have pretty little overall knowledge about all the serums and whatnot. I have issues with hormonal acne (it’s…err…. awesome) and my skin has become very touchy it seems about what I put on it, so although I am always tempted to try all these “things”, lately I have ben sticking with SUPER simple- basically just moisturizers that I can find that don’t make me break out (more). I was using prescription Tretinoin for a long while but then ended up getting out of it… and now i have been hesitant to restart because I know there is a transition period while the skin readjusts to the retinoid. I should do it though because I know retinols are considered the gold standard! I’ve always had pretty bad smile lines under my eyes (not really crows’ feet or on the sides, just underneath my eyes). I think it seems like my skin is just SUPER thin there? I think it’s basically hopeless as no eye creams I’ve tried ever seem to impact it, and from the little I know, I don’t think that UNDER eye area is really treatable with like, botox etc!! I have never officially investigated that though.
Oh Kae, I had hormonal acne at your age too and it’s dreadful. I had to be so so so careful about everything! Ugh.
I think the undereye area is treated with something else, it’s not Botox but it is some kind of injection. But the problem is everything injectable wears off, so you have to keep doing it, and it sounds $$$ plus all the time involved. Not worth it to me!
I’m experiencing cognitive dissonance at the thought of sad songs being remixed into boppy songs!! No no no! Those are supposed to be sad emo songs to cry to, not songs to dance to in da club!
I have tried so many eye serums and I fear I am beyond help. My issues is less about wrinkles and more about dark undereye circles. I have come to accept that much of it comes down to genetics (at least the dark undereye circles aspect). And of course sun exposure, rest, hydration, etc. But I don’t think there is a cure for my undereye circles. If there was, I would spend so much money on it!!
I had a similar experience of not being recognized by the Goose House mom! I saw her at the library in November but I was in a winter coat and hat and she is used to seeing me in the summer without a heavy coat/hat/etc. She was like – I know I know you but I can’t place you so I explained I’m Taco and Paul’s mom and that we play at their house often in the summer and then it clicked. Funnily I had JUST dropped our thank you/holiday card in her mailbox!
I also have a genetic predisposition to eye bags/dark circles and it stinks. Solidarity, sister.
Wish You Were Here was, as I said, the second-last song I would think appropriate for a dance remix. It was very funny though.
Honestly, I don’t think anything works well for dark circles. I tried this product once that, and it did work immediately…but then mid-day whatever magic was in it wore off and I looked about ten years older. I think it was called “No More Needles” or something silly like that.
That lady probably didn’t recognize you without the kids!
You look as gorgeous as your younger self, Nicole! You really know how to age beautifully, in all the ways. Your eye magic recommendations make me really, really want to try retinoids again… although the first time I tried them, I set off a horrific allergic reaction that lasted for a long time, and in the time since I have been diagnosed with rosacea, so maybe not. But I can be much more scrupulous about removing the eye makeup every single night! Sometimes I just can’t be bothered, but I MUST BE BOTHERED.
Oh yes, Suzanne, I have always felt low-level guilty for talking you into the Neutrogena wrinkle repair only to have you have an allergic reaction, so I will say DON’T DO IT! Don’t try these!
You are SO sweet, thank you for the lovely compliment.
You always look fabulous, Nicole, at any age!!! I’m not going to get needles in my face either, so eye creams it is! The resort remixes would have cracked me up. Similar to when I first heard ‘Like A Virgin’ as elevator music. Yeah to March and moving onward and upward towards SUMMER!
Hahaha I think I’ve heard that version of Like a Virgin! Lots of saxophone.
Yay spring! I know you aren’t a winter gal, so I’m sure you’re happy!
I like the caveat that you included, about how no serum/cream was going to work as well as a trip to the doctor. Like you, I do not want to go to there, so am working on accepting my aging face and body. Sometimes I look at my blog friend’s blogs, and I feel like I look older, like I don’t know, maybe 10 years older. Then someone will comment that they’re going to be 50 and I realize, I AM 10 years older! That makes me feel a lot better. My little avatar there is from my 40th birthday, which is around when I started blogging.
Of course, I do have quite a collection of products that I use, and like you, I have not left 1/2 of my face as a control for the experiment, so who knows how well they work. I know my skin FEELS better after I apply them. I had no idea you were supposed to start at the outside of the eye, I will try to remember that.
And like Engie, I need to know whether Rex came home with ear infections and a broken collar this time. He looks so darling, but is quite the party animal at heart!
Hahaha I was just going to say that “but Julie, you ARE ten years older!” And for what it’s worth, you look great.
I sent Rex with his old shredded collar and he came back only dirty, but without any infections/ lice! Let’s see what happens on our next big trip though!
I am guilty as charged of not recognizing people without their dogs. On a related note, I know all of the dog names in my neighborhood, but not the owners.
Mud season has started big time around here! Doggo has an amazing talent for getting her paws muddy and heading right for our bed, and she’s pretty good at leaving her mark on both the top and bottom sheets and a few pillowcases so that I have to do a full sheet change. Hey on the plus side our sheets are very clean right now…until the next time that they aren’t. Hey it’s nothing compared to last year when she was a puppy and went out so much more frequently and we had to go out with her because it was before we got the fence.
I haven’t seen The English Patient, and I can guarantee that I will never see it with my husband because the first time he saw it was the last…he saw it when it came out with his sister, and from what I gather it is not a “watch it with your sister” kind of movie. Ralph Fiennes tho…I would definitely hit that – in 1995 and today!
The Rachel! I think we were all trying to make our hair do that in 1995.
Rex isn’t allowed on the furniture, I cannot imagine the repercussions!
I also know most of the dogs’ names around here and only a handful of owners, it reminds me of when the kids were in preschool. After seven or eight months, it felt weird to ask what Austin’s mom’s name was.
NOOOOOO you do not want to watch The English Patient with your siblings!
That woman’s comment about you at Superstore was hilarious. Humans never fail to entertain me (in a good way).
So, I come from a long line of women (and men) with undereye circles. They’re even very noticeable in the black-and-white pictures of yore. Thankfully, mine have started fading as I get older. Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn’t genetics—maybe it was just the hard living that caused them. 🤔 Anyway, I still get dark circles very easily, so your tips are definitely going in my back pocket! My makeup/skincare routine is basic at best.
I honestly don’t think there’s much to be done if you have a tendency to eye circles, other than not getting too exhausted, and even so I feel like the circles are going to win the war!
I love how Rex always looks like someone has just proposed doing a fabulous dance number or going for ice cream.
I have that Ordinary under eye stuff but I keep forgetting to use it, and then being cranky about my puffy under-eyes. Sigh. I did once get retinol cream and tried using it every night and then wondered why it was burning my face off – it’s hard reading instructions, the print is always tiny and my eyes are bad!
I couldn’t go to bed with makeup on even if I wanted to. I can’t go half a day without being desperate to wash my face.
I have to text my friend Jody every time I hear the Alan Parsons Project anywhere because of a hilarious story about her husband being drunk and singing Eye in the Sky.
I AM THE MAKER OF RULES DEALING WITH FOOOOOOLS
Oh even the thought of going to bed without washing my face makes me twitchy.
I used to believe in the magic of creams to do anything on my skin until I found my dermatologist. since the first time I met her for Lizzy’s eczema, I asked to see her for myself. I had acne at that moment and she gave me a strict regime of no make up, no moisturizer, just what she prescribed (really cheap things) and it worked like a charm and acne went away for a year. Now she prescribes me with a simple regime and I stick to it 90% of the time. My pore has noticeably shrieked, didn’t even know that’s possible and my skin is overall smooth and clean. I asked her about crow feet, and she said only solution is botox.
I’ve started with LED lamp now, will report back.
I know there’s no way to reverse anything and don’t expect so, just want to feel my best at all ages. I would not rule out interventions in the future because that’s my future self to decide.