They’re Both White Guys
This is a strange confession to make, but I constantly get Keanu Reeves and Johnny Depp mixed up in my mind. Before you say anything, I know. I know! They are essentially opposites: one is famously kind, generous, and charitable, and one is absolutely not. One lost his longtime girlfriend in a car accident following the stillbirth of their daughter, the other is a domestic abuser. The only reason I can think of that they get mixed up in my head is that I watched them both on the big screen in my youth, formative movies like Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Edward Scissorhands. They seem to be forever melded in my mind, which is terribly unfair to poor Keanu.
1984, Plus One
Engie (HI ENGIE) asked me what was the worst year of my life and although I don’t really like to relive or dwell on the past, particularly painful things, I will say without a doubt it was the year I was in fifth grade, 1985. It was, generally speaking, an upward trajectory after that. I’m not drawing any parallels here, but it’s interesting to note that Keanu came onto the scene in 1986, which was also the year of my favourite action movie of all time, Top Gun. Are these things related? Maybe!
The truth is that I think fifth grade is universally rough for girls, and it was terrible for me, and not just because I had an ugly home perm. (Engie also asked if I could erase one thing from my memory, what would it be, and that home perm might be up there, Steve.) But fifth grade. It was a time of friendship problems; I remember reading Cat’s Eye many years later and gasping because I felt so seen. Ten year old girls are absolutely vicious. Also, at that time I was wearing a bra and was the tallest girl and second tallest person in class, which might not seem like a big deal but it sure was. In the eighties, boys could run around, unchecked, snapping bra straps and making mean and bullying comments about girls and their anatomy, and that, in addition to the frenemies with whom I’d be best friends one day and then shunned the next, over and over, made that year miserable.
My cousin had a book called Girltalk, and I read it the summer after fifth grade. There was a section on friendship and to this day I remember this life-changing sentence: you don’t like everybody, so why should everybody like you? It was revolutionary and I still think about it all the time. Generally speaking I like most people, but it’s a good reminder that we are not going to be for everyone. I’m not saying my life completely improved because of that book, but it sure helped a lot.
Is This Really A Good Idea?
Speaking of the eighties, it looks like Netflix is rebooting Little House on the Prairie, and I have a lot to say about this. I know that I am a terribly pedantic person when it comes to adapting books to screen; I almost never think it is a good idea. The answer is almost always a teeth-gritting NO when I’m asked if I’ve seen the movie/ series/ show that was based on a book, particularly a beloved book. There are a few exceptions, of course, but generally speaking, I loathe the trend that everything must be adapted to be watched. Then again, should I ever be lucky enough to have my novel published and someone wanted to adapt it to the screen, I would sell out without a second thought. What can I say, I contain multitudes.
If you were a young girl in the late seventies and early eighties, it’s likely you watched the Little House on the Prairie series, and possibly you also read the books. I did both and it was an early lesson in the very loose way the words “based on” can be used. The television series was really a vehicle for Michael Landon to walk around as a shirtless hero; it was not at all like the books, except for the names of the characters. Or, I should say, SOME of the characters. There was a lot of artistic license taken here, for example, nowhere in the books was there a young girl named Sylvia who becomes pregnant after being raped by a weirdo blacksmith with a clown mask on, only to be saved from eternal shame of having a baby out of wedlock by falling off a ladder and dying.
I did love the books, because they were about a girl and her life, and if there is anything I want to read about in this world it is a girl and her life. I will not waste my one wild and precious life reading boring, male-centric stories. I just won’t! You can’t make me! But being charmed as a young girl reading about another young girl in a different place and time making “houses” beneath large maple trees is one thing. The grim fact is that Charles Ingalls deeply believed in manifest destiny and to that end dragged his family around the country, plunging them into hunger and poverty again and again, because he believed in his divine right as a white man to just displace anyone who happened to be living in the space he wanted to live in. Is this the message we need in 2025? I’m going to go ahead and say no.
I Have No Answer To This Question
Speaking of moving around, Elisabeth asked (HI ELISABETH) if you could live in one place outside of Canada for one year, where would you choose to live? Only three months ago I would have enthusiastically answered Maui, which is truly a paradisical place. But now I’m not sure the US is the best place for a Canadian. My husband and I have been planning a spring hiking trip to the Canyonlands, but sadly we have decided to cancel it. I don’t want our tourism dollars going to a government that shows outright hostility towards my country and dismissal about our national sovereignty. It also seems like a bad idea to have my physical body there. The long and the short of it is that I don’t know how I would answer Elisabeth’s question. I don’t have a backup answer to this hypothetical question, I guess another tropical island paradise that I have yet to visit. Or, Maui in (hopefully) four years.
Yoga Club Update
I just had to do some deep breathing after typing the above, which reminded me: how are we doing with Yoga Club? I hope everyone is making time to do one or more postures per day, and if that hasn’t happened, I hope that everyone is practicing loving-kindness towards themselves. There is a new three minute video on my humble little YouTube channel, demonstrating cat-cow in my kitchen; as an added bonus, Rex is featured! In all seriousness, cat-cow is a fantastic movement for spinal mobility, and I hope you give it a try.
Weekly Reading
Flowers in the Attic. Hands up if you also read this at age 12, or some other inappropriate age, hiding it from your mother! Did we all slip it in between the covers of our Trapper Keepers? This was such a wild reread. It has it all: incest, Oedipal complex, daddy issues, stepdaddy issues, child neglect, child abuse, child death, locking your own children in an attic in order to inherit millions of dollars from your weirdly religious father who disowns you for marrying your half-uncle. Honestly, it’s kind of hard to argue with the “maybe don’t marry/ fuck your relatives” part of the book. Not only does it have the most bizarre and over-the-top plot, it also is terribly written. I don’t know what’s worse, the over-explanation of every single detail, the excessively over-written descriptions of every scene, or the dialogue. The dialogue! It’s honestly the worst. I guess the key demographic – Gen X preteens – benefited from the multitude of explanatory details, being preteens, but wow, is this bad. It’s so bad it’s kind of good? I was entertained, if disturbed all over again. I mean, there is a kind-of-sibling-rape, there is the poisoning of children via arsenic powdered doughnuts, and there is the terrifying scene where the grandmother drugs her granddaughter and then pours tar all over her hair. Just writing that out makes me feel like I was in a fever dream while I read it.
Here One Moment. If you knew exactly when and how you were going to die, would you live your life differently? How much of life is pre-determined, and to what extent are we in charge of our own destinies? Those are just some of the questions raised by this novel about the travellers on a very delayed flight from Tasmania to Sydney; an old lady in an apparent fugue state suddenly stands up and goes through the entire flight cabin, telling each person how she expects them to die and at what age. Soon after, people do start to die in exactly that way. This was a really thought-provoking book for me, although I will honestly say that the backstory of the apparently clairvoyant old lady was pretty tedious, and it takes up about half the book. It all ties together very cleverly in classic Moriarty fashion; all in all I enjoyed it, with that one caveat. For those of us math-and-statistics nerds, there is a lot of really interesting discussion on probability, including a paragraph about the birthday paradox. I remember being in a lecture hall with two hundred other students, while my statistics professor had everyone stand up when their birthday was called, and sure enough, someone in that room shared my birthday. There is a very high probability that two people will have the same birthday when there are seventy-five people in a room, which I think is a very cool fact. Anyway, this is well worth the read, despite the boring backstory.
Well, will you look at that. I started this post thinking I have nothing to write about this week and here we are, 1700 words later. And it all started with Keanu Reeves! Thanks for reading, friends, and keep on practicing that loving-kindness! xo
I’ve told Kyria to just stay in Europe and not come back to United States because it’s total and absolute dumpster. So yes keep your tourism dollars away! I’m trying to find hope but wow is it a challenge right now! I have young children so I have to hope because they have long lives ahead of them. I have to believe our democracy will survive this tyrant.
I read flowers in the attic and other books I. That series as a child. My mom had no idea what was in those books! The subject matter is CRINGY now. I think it was also made into a movie. I’ve been on the fence about whether or not to read the new Moriarty book it sounds appealing, but the backstory of the main character think she has is not making me want to pick it up. But I love statistics and math, so the exploration of the probability aspect prompted me to put it on my hold list.
This was a very nostalgic post for me. The clown rapist episode and arsenic powdered donuts were seared into my mind during a very impressionable time in my life. Thanks for this wonderful morning pick me up. And I love Michael Landon and hate Charles Ingalls. Also, what kind of a nickname is Manly?
Ha ha, I did watch Little House on the Prairie (and read the books.) How did I miss the clown rapist episode??? Yes, the TV series got a little out of control.
Flowers in the Attic- a childhood “classic.” Of course when I read it in middle school I wasn’t aware of how badly it was written- but the plot is so weirdly compelling! I might pick it up in a bookstore at some point and read some parts of it- now I’m curious to see just how bad the writing is, but not curious enough to reread the whole thing.
I’ve been doing your yoga challenge! I added little stretches to my day- like when I’m waiting for a client to come out of the room, instead of just standing there, I’ll do some stretches. It’s not a situation where I could do, say, down dog, but I can do some forward folds and standing twists. Oh and I liked your video.
Stay in Canada! Stay safely in Canada. Sigh.
And you only need 23 people to have over a 50% chance of sharing a birthday!
I avoided Flowers in the Attic in my 80s youth. I didn’t like scary stories , and got hooked on old fashioned mysteries instead. However, regrettable perms – oh, yes. The 80s were not kind to hair.
And I loved Little house series, at least the earlier shows which were closer to the books. However, I remember my sistersinlaws making fun of the menopause episode – the change! – where Caroline fakes a miscarriage as she thought she was pregnant?
Would Italy be a place to spend year away from Canada? You seemed to really enjoy your trip there.
I can’t imagine why I didn’t read Flowers in the Attic. I was 12 when it was published so I’m in the right demographic and I was reading The Shining and Dracula only a year later so I clearly liked creepy/scary things. But, for whatever reason, I didn’t.
I am sorry for little Nicole if 5th grade was anything like Cat’s Eye. I remember a quote– “Little girls are cute and small only to adults. To one another they are not cute. They are life-sized.” That really stuck with me and in a way summed up the whole book.
If I had to choose my own worst year I’d be stuck between my own difficulties in 8th-10th grade or the two years North was having psychological crises (9th & 11th). A tossup between my adolescence and theirs, I guess.
I just hope living in a dictatorship starting in my late 50s doesn’t make the list.
And it all started with Keanu Reeves! That’s a happy thought and one that I’ll ponder all day. I am amazed that you have photos of yourself as a child, but am enjoying this one. Not to laugh at you, of course— to see how far you’ve come.
I remember watching Flowers in the Attic at one of the first group sleepovers I ever went to and being absolutely horrified (and then horrified that no one else was horrified), a story I recently told my daughter when she saw her first horror movie at a sleepover (and her second) (and her third) and was too scared to say she was scared. What a nostalgia trip, Nicole! I still love Keanu and always will… PS: Still doing my yoga poses when I get up and before bed and they’re still giving me such joy <3
I’ve never read that book and think I will stay far, far away.
Gah! What a dumpster fire the world has become. We had zero plans to visit the US this year, but I suspect it will stay that way for the next 4 years. I see CAD has hit its lowest point since 2003!!! *Sigh* After COVID and the postal strike, I feel like 1,000s of more small Canadian businesses won’t be able to weather this latest storm. I have noted that some stores have started marking Canadian-made products more clearly, to make it easier to shop Canadian. I’m so sorry you had to cancel a trip, but can see why you want to keep your body and money elsewhere for now.
That yoga video!! Can you be my big sister! You are just so charming and sweet. AND THERE IS REX!!!!
P.S. I feel certain your novel will be published and that I’ll be watching a dramatized version on Netflix in a few years <3
I agree – spend your dollars somewhere else besides the US for right now. I was planning to spend time in Canada in the next few years anyway, and I will enjoy it all the more now.
1984 was probably my worst year. I was an early bloomer! Don’t laugh, but I spent my entire childhood wanting a perm. Just because it is almost certainly for the best that I didn’t get it doesn’t mean that I didn’t want it passionately at the time.
I never read Flowers in the Attic and I am tempted. TEMPTED. Even with your review that it is terribly written. Look, everyone in the 80 either had a perm and read it or they wanted a perm and wanted to read Flowers so you know where I’m coming from. I might not make it past the first chapter but I feel that I have to try.
I’ve had mixed success with Liane Moriarty so for the moment I’m being stubborn and refusing to read Here One Moment, but I will most likely cave because everyone is raving about it.
I spent a lot of the weekend wanting to apologize to all of my Canadian friends. I did not vote for this, but now I have to somehow deal with the fallout. I honestly don’t know what to say, but I hope that someday you can imagine coming to this country again. *huge sigh with flared nostrils and everything*
I never read or watched Little House on the Prairie because historical fiction has never been my jam, but now I feel like I missed out on some formative childhood experiences.
I’m a bit older than you and don’t share quite the same memories and didn’t read Flowers In the Attic. When Keanu Reeves is mentioned, all I can think of is the constant barrage of Keanu follows on Insta. What’s with that? As for vacationing in the US – I agree. Not going to spend my dollars there. I so miss the voice and intelligence of a president like Obama.
LOL on the Reeves/Depp confusion. But didn’t the jury feel that Amber Heard was lying? I still love my Johnny! That photo of you in 1985 is everything. My hair looked EXACTLY the same, down to the cut. It looked good back then, I swear!
I never got into the Little House book or series, but I concur with how poorly most adaptations are made.
I’m bummed that you aren’t going to Canyonlands. It’s one of my favorite national parks and I still think about the early evening where we had one of the districts (Needles) all to ourselves! It was both amazing and scary! We are also reconsidering our spring trip. I’m not one for conspiracy theories, but there are just too many weird things going on right now for me to want to get on an airplane and go to a populated area.
If I could live anywhere, it would be a wine region in California. My dream job would be to serve tastings and meet people from all over the world. But between the natural disasters, taxes, and wacko politicians, this will continue to be a dream.
Have you read The Measure? I’m sure you have but it reminds me of your Liane Moriarity book review. I heard that Jennifer Garner is starring in a tv version of Elin Hilderbrand’s Five Star Weekend and I’m so excited! I have to say that I prefer watching tv/movies to reading. I know you’re disappointed in me 🙂 Also we are planning a trip up to Old Quebec this month (as long as the weather doesn’t stop us) and I can’t wait to return to Canada again!
Oh, fifth grade was the worst. The absolute worst. I also had a horrible home perm (why did our mothers do that?) and I remember slinking into school and one of the awful boys saying, “OH MY GOD you got a ‘fro!” And it wasn’t just boys who watched for bra straps. The mean girls in my school would run a thumbnail down your back to see if you were wearing a bra, and if they thought you should be wearing a bra and you weren’t, watch out. Ugh.
I also am a fan of the Little House books, the story behind them is fascinating and Laura Ingalls Wilder herself is, I think, a pretty interesting individual. Her daughter Rose I have mixed feelings about. But the show was a straight up soap opera, no getting around that. But didn’t we like seeing Laura get the best of Nellie, and then see adult Nellie finally stand up to her horrible, horrible mother? It’s funny but in the books, Nellie’s mother is hardly there, and in the one interaction she and Laura has, Mrs. Oleson is fairly decent to the little girl.
I was always more peeved with Ma for making Laura give her beloved rag doll to the snotty toddler.
I LOVE YOUR VIDEO.
You were so cute, Nicole! I was terrible looking in 5th grade, but I had the most wonderful teacher, and she helped me be a writer, and I will remember her fondly forever. Also! I grew to my adult height of 5’2″ and got women’s size 7 feet, and everyone thought I was going to be a giant, but I never grew again. I did LOSE 20 pounds in junior high tho when I FINALLY went through puberty. PHEW!
The innocence of childhood photos… you’re just so radiant in in them, Nicole. Amazing how that radiance persists in all your photos <3.
I'm many months away from getting that Moriarty book from my library, but Jenny liked it, and it seems like a nice read–it'll be such a nice surprise when I finally get it!
I am so, so sad you're not going to Canyonlands–I wanted to rave about how seeing those vistas made me feel with you and was looking forward to your pointers about the Grand Canyon… Maui is for the best I suppose–Hawaiian leaders have been asking tourists to press pause because the islands are overwhelmed.
I guess this means no Detroit-Midwest trip either? Fuck these MFs–they're ruining EVERYTHING!
I want to give fifth grade you a big hug. That’s the year I pulled Ella from school and homeschooled her. (She’d struggled a lot before then, but fifth grade was a real doozy).
It’s not at all surprising that they’re rebooting LHOTP in the year of our lord Handmaid in the USA. Feels like it might be part of a giant plan. Oh, sorry, my microchip just shorted out. Yes! I can’t wait for the reboot! Charles! Let me go fetch us some water so I can make dinner…
Look at adorable little Nicole!!!!
Fifth grade was my worst year ever as well. Just terrible. I remember not being able to sleep — mainly on Sunday nights, surprise surprise — because I suddenly couldn’t swallow. I remember going to the nurse’s office frequently because I was “sick” and needed my parents to come pick me up (I do not think they, a doctor and a lawyer, enjoyed that a whole lot). Stupid fifth grade. I guess I didn’t realize that it was commonly a bad year! Makes me extra pleased that my kid got through it okay.
I have not been doing yoga daily, but when I DO, I think of you and that makes it an extra fun and happy part of my day.
I enjoyed the Moriaty book but agree with your assessment about the prediction lady. And I STILL haven’t read Flowers in the Attic and vacillate wildly day to day about whether I want to or not.
Fifth grade Nicole was adorable. You’re right about 5th grade being awful for girls. It was awful. I don’t even like thinking about it! I remember loving the LHOTP books, but the TV show was too much for my sensitive little personality. I remember having nightmares and crying! I never read Flowers in the Attic.
I love your new yoga video! Thank you!!!!! You’re the best!
It makes me sad, but I totally understand why you canceled your travel plans.
I will now go do some breathing exercises and stretches.