Cold As Ice
We are in the midst of a cold snap around here, but I use that term very loosely. It’s more “cold” than COLD, or even Cold, but still, it’s the most winter we’ve had all year. I took the opportunity to look out my snow pants and heated mittens, and I’m winning all the style awards on our daily walks. It’s honestly a bit of overkill for these cold-but-not-COLD temperatures, and by the end of our walk I’m a little sweaty.
My creativity has taken a huge hit this week; I have been unable to write anything that I would want anyone to read. Someone suggested it’s the weather, but I think it’s directly related to the torrential volume of grim and terrifying news. I have broken my own rules for news and media consumption, and have succumbed more than once to doomscrolling, leading to higher than normal screen time and a feeling of complete emotional depletion. But we are in a fresh new week, the perfect time for a fresh new start; I am re-implementing my boundaries and refreshing my Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum attitude.
Cold Hearted Snake
We are also in a fresh new lunar year, and I recently learned about Ben Ming Nian, which is when it is the year of your own Chinese zodiac sign. I would have thought that this would be a very lucky thing, but it turns out it is not; the superstition is that people in their zodiac year are offending the God of Age, Tai Sui, and will therefore have a year of challenges and bad luck. My husband is a Snake, and so I guess he will have to watch out – although, according to the Chinese zodiac, the Snake is the second-luckiest sign, and so it might all just work out evenly.
As an aside, the first-luckiest sign is that of the Dragon, and apparently there is a mini baby boom in China during that zodiac year. It reminded me of when I was in prenatal class and I learned that there was a mini baby boom every November due to Valentines-related sexytimes, and, in Calgary specifically, one in late March/ early April. The latter correlated to wild Calgary Stampede-related sex which – and I’m sorry, because I know my mom and possibly Aunty C are reading this – was the case for my firstborn. My second born was in September, which, well, you can do the math. Let’s just call it a visit from Santa. Interestingly enough, the divorce rate also spiked after Stampede, for different, but related, reasons.
But back to the subject at hand. After learning about Ben Ming Nian, I looked up the Year of the Rabbit, which is my sign. The last one was 2023, which was indeed a year of great challenge for me! The others were 2011, 1999, and 1987, and I definitely remember challenges in all those years. Of course, I’m also a person who related completely to a story about an ill woman who got magically better after taking placebos, even AFTER she was told they were placebos. The placebo effect is my entire personality some days.
Recently Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) asked how do you feel about astrology and horoscopes? I have never really connected with the Chinese zodiac, and I think horoscopes, as seen in the newspapers or women’s weekly magazines, are silly and irrelevant, but I have always strongly believed in astrological signs and the zodiac. I would have been great in the 70s dating scene. As soon as I know someone’s birthday I feel like I know all about them. Oh, I’ll say sagely, You’re a Pisces. Oh, that makes so much sense. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have married my husband if his sign was incompatible with mine, but I’m not NOT saying that, either. More likely we would have never dated, had he not been a compatible sign, because yes, I am that person. Listen, a Taurus wants what a Taurus wants, and I am not going to waste my time with someone who does not appreciate my bull-like personality and love of luxury.
This Leaves Me Cold
Speaking of sexy compatibility, I was so excited to see that Bad on Paper released their annual Obscure Erotica episode in honour of Valentines’ Day. Some of you may remember that this podcast introduced me to the wild world of weird erotica, featuring everything from Clippy, of Microsoft Office fame, to the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. I personally have read about sex with Santa Claus, balloon animals, and a sentient door. So I was interested to hear what had been chosen on the podcast, and I will tell you right now: no. NO. No no no, things have officially gone too far in the obscure erotica world.
One of the featured books was called The Devilled Egg Made Me Do It, which, predictably, explored sex with a giant sentient egg. This egg, named Damien – he’s devilled, after all – has horns, chive-like body hair, and a tail that is actually anal beads. Just the words “anal” and “beads” together make me immediately and inadvertently Kegel. To say that I was disturbed even listening to this discussion would be a vast understatement. I was amused that the protagonist’s name was Shelly, but not amused enough to read this book.
The other host, though. I feel disappointed in her beyond all imagining. The book she chose was called Garden Gnome Sex Party and I need not say more. IS NOTHING SACRED? There were hats involved, that’s all I’m going to say. This was obviously upsetting to a gnome aficionado like myself, although it did remind me of a very funny Gravity Falls episode, in which everyone thinks Mabel’s boyfriend is a vampire, and it turns out he is just a tall pile of gnomes with a costume over top.
Since these writers utilize pseudonyms, they could be amongst us right now. I’m just going to say it: if I hear anything, ANYTHING, about my beloved Salvadore and friends being written about in an untoward way, there will be hell to pay.
Warming My Heart
Let’s shift gears from (very weird) Valentines to Galentines! The squad came over, plus a few new ladies, and it was so much fun. I am so grateful to be around such a fabulous group of women.
Elisabeth (HI ELISABETH) has been encouraging everyone to find joy in gratitude this month (FIG!) but honestly, I need no encouragement. I’m HERE for the gratitude fest, is what I’m saying, and right now I am so very grateful that I have this wonderful group of friends. I’ve lived here for just over a year and a half now, and I will never not feel incredibly lucky that I have the Golden Gals Squad surrounding me. I’m also grateful for Canadian rose from my favourite Vineland Estates, and for chocolate.
I’m also grateful for cold and wintry Saturday afternoons and that Engie’s Cool Blogger’s Book Club (HI ENGIE) chose The Blue Castle, by one of my favourite childhood authors.
Weekly Reading
What else have I been reading, other than The Blue Castle? Well, I am proud to say that I DNFed a book I was not enjoying: Stanley Tucci’s Taste, which is a memoir through food. There was just too much meat and seafood descriptions, so I abandoned ship. Fortunately I had some good books this week:
The Husbands. This was such a fun and original book; it’s the story of a woman who comes home after a night with friends to discover that not only is she married, but she has been for years. After her husband goes up to the attic to fetch something, a different husband comes down. And so it goes, every time a husband goes to the attic a new one is in her life, and her life itself is new. It was an absolute delight to read this; I’m not usually one to enjoy magic or alternate universes, but this one was so fun and the ending was perfection. Big thanks to Suzanne and Lisa (HI SUZANNE HI LISA) who assured non-magic-loving me that I would love this, despite the premise. I did!
Summer Fridays. I was 24 in 1999, which is the same as our protagonist in this book – don’t you love when that happens? This lovely, fun, nostalgic book takes place in a hot New York City summer, and there are so many city-related details. A friendship is started between a young woman and her fiance’s (very close) colleague’s boyfriend (did you get that? I had to think for a minute). That friendship turns to something else, but this is not just a straightforward love story because, well, she’s engaged. I really enjoyed this book, it was a perfect read for this little cold snap we are having. It’s light, full of fun nostalgic details (“you’ve got mail!”) and startlingly sensitive for a book that’s essentially about infidelity. Thanks AGAIN to Lisa for the recommendation, is this the Lisa Show, maybe it is! (HI LISA)
No One Can Pronounce My Name. I expected to enjoy this book about the immigrant experience, queerness, friendship, and finding your people in the unlikeliest of places, but I did not. I should have DNFed! You win some, you lose some.
On our walk on Saturday, Rex and I came across a couple of mating raccoons. It was extremely disturbing, to say the least, as Rex barked and barked at what he must have assumed was a two-headed animal, while the male raccoon made eye contact with me as he humped away. I guess love is in the air in the animal kingdom too. I hope you have a week filled with chocolates, hearts, rose, and no wild animal sex shows. Unless you like that, in which case, who am I to judge? xo
Taurus checking in! My DIL, who is Chinese, has told me all about the Chinese zodiac and how couples purposefully choose the sign for their child to be born under. So I was excited to learn my granddaughter and I share the same sign, the Rabbit: peaceful, artistic, intuitive, sensitive, good student.
I can’t with the weird sex erotica. But I do follow a TikTok account of an ER doctor who posts X-rays of what men stick up their butts and it is both disturbing and hilarious.
Well, here we are both Tauruses AND both Rabbits! That’s amazing!
I am not on TikTok but wow, that sounds weirdly disturbing! Those doctors must be so fun to have at parties, the stories they could tell!
Oh, Nicole I had so many things to say and then the mating raccoons cleared everything from my head! lol. Eye contact! I would not recover!
Your Galentine’s Day party sounds so lovely and of course you always find glimmers every day… and for everyone. You are truly magic, my friend.
Is it our era? Did you too read a copy of Linda Goodman? I do feel some sense of people’s personalities from their zodiac sign. I AM a Pisces through and through.
I fell you are a Taurus, but must have some Aquarius rising too? XOXO
I barely recovered myself, Maya. I’m just grateful (a FIG, perhaps?) that I didn’t see his BONER. Imagine seeing a raccoon boner. I might not be here to tell the tale if that had happened.
YES LINDA GOODMAN!!! I still have my copy!!!
I don’t have Aquarius rising, my rising sign is Capricorn!
Ha ha… I’m laughing, imagining your horror over the gnome sex party. Yes, that’s just wrong. And… turn off that news!!!!!!!! You will get NOTHING good from it. As you’ve discovered. Sigh.
I loved all the glimpses of Rex in this post! And- your Galentine’s party sounds so fun. My daughter is doing something like that with her friends and I love it.
I’m an Aries, but I don’t really know what that means. I also don’t know my Chinese zodiac sign but now I’m curious. I’m going to look it up!
Ooh you’re an Aries! That does make sense. My son is an Aries and he is really an Aries!
And not to worry, I am avoiding the news like nobody’s business.
Your galentines party got me thinking. Did you have friends in the area because you used to spend time at your house in BC before you moved into it, or have you built up a whole friend group since moving? I often think I can never move because I don’t make friends easily and most of my local friends are people I know from my kids’ co-operative preschool and when would I have a community-building experience like that again?
Steph, that’s a great point. I knew one of the women – she and I have been friends for over a decade now (HI SAMMI I LOVE YOU) and when I moved here she really took me under her wing and introduced me to friends. And then I met some of the wives of my husband’s old friends from when he lived here, and we all got along really well. It helps we are all in the same season of life: grown children, flexible schedules, etc. But I do feel incredibly lucky! So many of my friends in Calgary came from our kids going to the same school or from yoga, things like that.
I LOVED Taste. That’s so interesting. But I can see it would NOT appeal to a vegan.
I am loving The Blue Castle so, so much. I cannot believe I have never heard of this book? It feels like a tragedy as a Canadian.
Last year we saw a male marmot chasing a female. She clearly was NOT interested and I found myself feeling quite perturbed that the male would not read the room and back off.
Woof, I feel for the females of the animal world. Males are such sex pests. I saw a squirrel really going after a female squirrel, and it was upsetting. This happened in the tree right outside my bedroom window. She did NOT seem into it!
Hats were involved you say. Hmmm…maybe I’m interested. It’s funny how things become your thing. I don’t really wear hats, but I am obsessed.
My husband and I are Earth Goats in the Chinese zodiac. This is new information we learned about a week ago and I have decided it’s officially my personality – I am strong and resilient, thank you for acknowledging it, star sign. I do have high tolerance and motivation and consider all aspects of anything before concluding. You’re right! It’s magical and mystical and makes me sound wonderful.
I also am loving The Blue Castle and am wondering why it’s not everyone’s favorite LMM jam. Why are we over here talking about Anne Shirley all the time when Valancy Stirling is around?!
I mean, pointy hats inserted into vaginas, and I’m not kink shaming here but just giving you the details that might be pertinent to any potential readers. Not that I read it! But this was discussed on the podcast.
Earth goats! Are you also a Capricorn? I’m trying to remember when your birthday is and I’m coming up blank!
As for LMM, I have to say I am more of an Emily Starr girl than any of the others but I do love The Blue Castle!
I was born in the year of the Rooster and feel it does describe me as apparently Roosters value fidelity and punctuality. Mic drop right there, my friend. I am an Aquarius and do not feel it describes me AT ALL. Aquariuses (sp?) are fans of things like spontaneity and are artsy. That does not describe me at all. BUT I do feel like a Capricorn and had my mom not gone a week+ past her due date, I would have been a Capricorn (my poor mom, even with her 4th child she went past her due date and I did not need that extra week of gestation considering I weighed 10 pounds (!!!) when I was born. And my mom delivered me naturally, by the way. She is TOUGH!!).
So I did read The Husbands but I actually did not like it!! BUT I am glad that you did. There was a story line towards the end that involved a gun and I just couldn’t get past that plot detail. But I am an outlier in not loving in! And I know Suzanne was a huge fan! I’m so glad you enjoyed Summer Fridays, though. It was such a delight to read since I LOVE NYC so very very much. And I usually can’t handle infidelity but that book handled it well.
Oh lol, I must have just read about it on your blog and put your name in my spreadsheet! I actually found that gun story line to be weirdly fascinating, but maybe that’s because it was in England, not the US, so it seemed like something that wouldn’t really happen? Not that there are no guns in England, but you know what I’m saying.
You do seem much more like a Capricorn than an Aquarius! Maybe you have a Capricorn rising (I do!)
Team Rabbit here! I don’t believe in any horoscope, but I did take a minute to google the rabbit forecast and it says that 2025 is going to be a game changing year where everything falls into place effortlessly so until informed otherwise I am going to believe it.
It’s my last day in FL! I’m basking in the 80 degree weather and refusing to believe the chilly reality that is waiting for me at home. At least there will be Hubs and Doggo snuggles waiting for me.
YES let’s go with that! I like it! I’m here for it!
Oh no. NO!!! Who would tarnish the innocent joy of gnomes? I’m very sad about that. Sigh. But I was cheered up by the photo of you with Rex and The Blue Castle book!
Zodiac signs are interesting, and there does seem to be some truth in them – although each person probably has a bit of every sign in their personality. I have several Taurus friends, and they’re awesome, straightforward, caring, protective, and know how to accomplish things – so it didn’t surprise me to find out that you’re a Taurus!
MY FEELINGS EXACTLY MICHELLE. Leave the gnomes alone! Write all you want about Clippy and giant eggs and sexy doors BUT LEAVE THE GNOMES OUT OF IT.
I’m still blocked creatively too and am guilty of scrolling too much. I just read an interesting essay about how much we get jerked around by the press with their minute by minute updates…he’s increasing tariffs, he’s not. The recommendation is to find a reliable source of long commentary on the news and read it once a week. I’m hoping to have enough willpower to do that because it’s true-I could have missed the daily tariff drama because nothing actually changed-other than us pissing off & stressing out our sweet neighbors to the north, and fear mongering. I’m not denying it has potential to destroy many world economies, I just don’t need to watch it real time.
YES it’s the nonstop, ever changing news that is making us all crazy. It makes us feel like we HAVE to follow it when really, back in the day, we would have just…looked at the newspaper when it arrived? Maybe watched the 6 o’clock news? It was so much healthier.
LOL CLIPPY?!?!
I love getting sweaty outside when it’s freezing cold– a fun winter treat.
CLIPPY
I mean, who goes into MS Office and thinks…YES.
Your inadvertent kegel made me laugh out loud! I am far from a prude, don’t shock easily but I don’t think that podcast is for me. Especially the gnomes. And then the raccoon making eye contact lol.
It’s so wonderful that you have a gang of gals in just a year. I suspect they are as excited to have joyful Nicole as part of the gang as you are to be one of them.
I’m not a prude either but the things they did with a devilled egg, well. I don’t eat eggs anyway, so that’s just as well!
I was in China in 2011 when they were bringing in the year of the rabbit! Good times, that! I am a horse, neigh, and I guess not very high up on the ladder. I remember clippy! Wow. Bringing back the memories!
I also did not luuuurve Taste, although it was not due to meat references. I just thought it was okay, but I did finish it, but I was not as enamored of it as some were.
Clippy gets pretty freaky in this book, Kyria, not that I’ve read it but the description leaves little to the imagination. If anyone wanted to imagine having sex with Clippy, that is.
The horse! I don’t think I know a horse offhand. My sons are monkey and rooster!
Well, there is MUCH to respond to here!!! Nicole, I am both surprised and not surprised about your stance on astrology and I would hazard to say I think I feel the same way. I feel like I am EXACTLY my sign, and my husband and daughter fit their signs to a T. A friend of mine is very much into astrology and has put together detailed readings of our star and sun signs and… other things, and they seem so very accurate.
Gnome porn. Oh my. (I am skipping right over Shelly. Hork.) I am cracking up (shoot, unintended egg pun) about the gnomes. I hope this doesn’t affect your relationship with your fellas. Perhaps writing some gnome inspired erotica will snap you out of your creative funk? (Perhaps the AVERSION to writing said erotica will do the same.)
A dear friend of mine keeps trying to pull me into the realm of What’s Going On in the World, and, while I admire her for trying — she is really working at doing one positive thing for The World each day, and I love that and wish I were a better person — I am much more mentally stable when I look away. So I say, LOOK AWAY, NICOLE. Look away from the news as if it were sharing Salvatore’s carnal exploits!
I am allowing myself to look at the headlines ONCE a day for five minutes AND THAT IS ALL.
Lololol sharing Salvadore’s carnal exploits!
I also think I am exactly a Taurus, it describes me perfectly, and all my family members are exactly their signs too!
I know about the year of your chinese zodiac, I don’t really believe it although my mom and all elderly people do. We make our own fate, at least our reaction to the events that happen. I believe in horoscope more than chinese zodiac, I find the descriptions more accurate.
I am loving the FIGs posts, I missed it last week, I’m catching up this week. Love the blogger community to find ways to be grateful despite depressing news.
I think you’re right – we do in a way make our own fate, or react to events. But I also believe in the zodiac, not in a day-to-day life way, but in a personality trait way. And on that topic – the FIGs are such a good idea! So fun to read what everyone is grateful for.
I am a Gemini born in the year of the Dragon; however, I have never been into astrology, tarot cards etc., and, therefore, know nothing about “what I am supposed to be like”, or what my future holds.
Time with the gals is always lovely! I will be seeing one of my sisters soon for a few days, just the two of us at my home while husband and daughter are away together, and I am so looking forward to it. Already working up some fun plans!
I really enjoyed Taste, more for his personal stories than the food, although I am a meat/seafood eater. I’ve always liked him as an actor, and he has quite a wide range.
Have you read The Break by Katherena Vermette? It’s heavy like Moon Road, and harsher. I just finished the sequel, The Strangers and am starting Hello Beautiful.
Am I correct that you only read, or prefer, female writers? Just curious as I read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn prior to reading the book James by Percival Everett that won the National Book Award. James is the story of the slave Jim in Huck Finn, written from his perspective. I enjoyed it very much and it’s not necessary to read Huck, but I wanted to see how it compared.
On your recommendation I placed a hold on Flowers in the Attic that is now ready for me to pick up. Should be an interesting read!
Hi Jacquie! You’re the very luckiest sign in the Chinese zodiac! I don’t know much about it, but I know that! And you’re Gemini – my grandma was a Gemini, it’s a fun sign. I don’t know much about tarot though.
I haven’t read the Break but I’ll look into it! I do prefer female writers although I have and will read male writers – but not often. Their work just tends to not appeal to me! There are exceptions of course. I tried to read Adventures of Huckleberry Finn when I was younger and just couldn’t get into it.
Oh you’ll have to report back about Flowers in the Attic! It was even crazier than I remembered, and worse written! But it was entertaining!
I am year of the Pig in the Chinese zodiac and Sagittarius. The descriptions sound pretty accurate. My second born is an end of September baby and that is usually the biggest month for births in Melbourne. We obviously have lots of Christmas/New Year babies. It can actually be hard to get a private hospital booking in September.
I am disturbed by the gnomes and the egg—is nothing out of bounds?
When we were on the Camino we could here some cows loudly bellowing as we walked through the forest, when we emerged we saw a bull mounting a cow. He was not a brazen as your raccon and immediately dismounted when he saw us. He proceeded to eye us as we stood looking at them and then slowly walked past.