Typically I am a person who likes to finish jobs in a reasonable amount of time, the exception to this rule being putting photos into albums. I have photos from January 2024 and on that I have printed, but that are still awaiting their placement into the albums that have been purchased for the purpose. It is a weirdly overwhelming job.
Other than that, I generally finish tasks fairly quickly, which is why it is notable that as of this week I completed something that has taken me since November to get through, and that is a closet purge.
I feel like I just did this; late last spring I threw all of my jeans into a big pile, and replaced them all with styles that boasted infinite fit and promised no more muffin top. I wasn’t happy having to do that, buying all new jeans, but I felt it was a worthwhile investment to have pants that fit and were comfortable.
It turns out that the jeans were just the thin edge of the wedge, so to speak.
I have a strict rule about my clothes, and that is that I want to feel beautiful – or at least cute – in every single item. You might think that is a tall order for workout wear and gardening clothes, but I stand by it. If I don’t feel cute, I stridently tell myself that it is the fault of the clothes, and that those non-ego-boosting items have no place in my closet, which should be a safe space of love.
This is great in theory, but in practice there is a big problem, and that is that it turns out I am very emotionally attached to a number of items, specifically my collection of little black dresses.
I went through the five stages of mourning for all of these items, as I tried them all on with increasing distress. At first I denied it was happening, even while I struggled to pull them over my newly-strong-and-juicy booty and to zip over my newly-disappeared waist and softened tummy. Then I was angry, I was angry about all those beautiful clothes that no longer fit, on which I had spent a significant amount of money over the years. One might rationally say that I most certainly got my money’s worth out of dresses and sweaters that were not even bought in the last decade, but rational thinking has no place here.
This led to bargaining, which is the most shameful part of the story. I wondered what I would have to do to be able to zip up that adorable sheath dress. I ignored my inner voice that was reminding me that bodies change over time and it is a perfectly natural and beautiful part of life. I looked at myself in the mirror unhappily and thought about shapewear and giving up wine. Giving up wine! This is what crossed my mind, friends. It was a dark moment.
This led to depression. Intellectually I know that it is unreasonable and probably not even desirable to hang onto clothes for decades, but I was really sad that my cute dress I bought at Jacob in 2009 no longer fit. It saw me through so many occasions! I was sad the black and white polka dot dress I wore for my son’s grade nine graduation no longer flattered my shape and I was devastated that the dress I bought for my husband’s company Christmas party in 2017 was unzippable. I remembered how beautiful I felt in all those items, and it was the opposite of how I felt now, and it felt very, very sad.
Then I felt sad for being sad. I mean, shouldn’t I be beyond this by now? I’m almost fifty! I told myself I was being ridiculous and that I had no right to be sad; I should be celebrating my body for what it is and what it can do, not judging myself on whether or not I could feasibly wear a fifteen year old dress without the seams exploding. And then I would look at the stuffed-full bags heading for the donation centre and feel sad all over again, after which I would be angry about being sad, and suddenly I’d be experiencing the first four stages of grief once more, the snake is eating its tail.
In a way, it reminded me of a day many years ago, when I found myself pushing a double stroller through the mall. I walked past my then-favourite store, the long-defunct aforementioned Jacob, from which I had purchased the majority of my clothes for many years, mostly office wear and the like. But that day, when I walked past the store and saw the gorgeous slim pants and blazers and skirts, I realized that that store was no longer appropriate for my life. I looked down at my two babies in the stroller, at the gigantic diaper bag stowed in the back, and at my jeans and casual sweater and low-heeled boots, and I had a Saint Paul on the road to Damascus-style realization. I realized that I would never again find myself in those kind of clothes with that kind of life, and I burst into tears. I would never trade my children for anything, I would never make a different decision with regards to my career path, and yet with the one-two arrival of my children I had never actually said goodbye to my old life. I had never allowed myself to mourn that former self and her daily clothing choices and so there I was, crying in the mall.
Those days are gone forever, I should just let them go.
Well, there were a lot of hormonal new moms in the mall, likely no one would have noticed one more, and in any case no one did. Back then I was awash in postpartum hormones, these days I am bouncing around in perimenopause; it feels like two sides of the same coin. A new era is upon me, and in a radical act of acceptance, I bought new clothes.
The majority of this existential clothing crisis occurred in November, which was fortuitous; my husband pointed out in the most positive way, this is the best time for this to happen, because Black Friday is just around the corner! We stan a supportive king, as Heather McMahon says. Just to provide a little balanced insight into my marriage, though, that supportive king also said For god’s sake Nicole, if you keep this up you’re going to turn into C. This is in reference to our crackpot former neighbour who would mutter non sequiturs about weeds and other people’s pets while garbed in much faded neon outerwear from 1985, as well as her merch from the Calgary Olympics. Everyone in the neighbourhood avoided conversation with her because it was always completely unhinged, and also it was hard to not look at her wildly swinging braless breasts underneath her Blues Fest 1991 tees.
But he was right, honestly, because it’s a slippery slope from thinking a nine-year-old item is practically brand new to wandering around the neighbourhood frightening people with your weird monologues about street sweeping. Plus, new clothes are fun, particularly new clothes that don’t make a person feel constricted or unattractive or that destroy one’s self-esteem. Embrace the season! And this is my season of comfortable pants and dresses without tight waists.
In a radical act of self-acceptance, and also a full-on copy of Marie Kondo, I said goodbye to my clothes and dresses. I thanked them for their service, as I piled them in garbage bags. I told them that I hoped that they would make someone else happy, that they would find themselves at a special occasion someday, and that they would make their new owners feel beautiful and special.
And in a radical act of honesty I will tell you that during those same Black Friday sales, I also purchased some shapewear.
Weekly Reading
The Divorce. There are two sides to every story, and this book – translated from Swedish – explores the lives of two people getting divorced after 32 years. What seems like a sudden and snap decision is actually a long time coming, and it was both interesting and terribly sad to see the nuances of something that happens every day. It reminded me not to judge, because we never know what goes on in someone else’s marriage. Fun fact: the translator has the same name as one of my great-grandmas! Thanks to Pearl (HI PEARL) for the recommendation!
This Time Next Year. This was a very fun rom-com about two people born three minutes apart on New Year’s Day 1990. The first born wins the prize for “First Nineties Baby,” and the second, Minnie (HER NAME IS MINNIE COOPER) feels her life has been jinxed forever. She does have some truly bad luck on New Year’s Eve, and the two live parallel lives without knowing it…until their joint thirtieth birthday, when they finally meet. Capers ensue! It’s really delightful but also interesting because – let’s do the math – their thirtieth birthday is January 1, 2020. Much of the book takes place in 2020 but because it was published pre-March, there is no pandemic. It actually made the book more delightful, a sliding doors, if you will, but without the soul-crushing reality of 2020. Thanks so much to Ariana (HI ARIANA) for introducing me to this lovely author’s works!
I hope you all have a lovely last week of January! Rex and I have been enjoying the Canada geese – from a distance – and he enjoyed barking at a coyote until it ran into the partially-frozen creek. We later saw a dead coyote on the side of the road and boy, do I hope it wasn’t the same one and that Rex was inadvertently responsible for its demise. But look at that face. xo
This is happening to me too! I mean, there is absolutely no reason why a dress from when I had NO CHILDREN should fit me 18 years and 5 kids later. AND YET. I tossed some tunics and leggings from my Little Gym class-attending days and SOBBED.
Oh my god I would sob too, Sarah! IT IS HARD TO LET GO.
Ah. As I read this, I realized that THIS is why I can’t get myself to clean out my closet! I don’t want to know! I don’t want to officially confront all the things that don’t fit anymore. But… I’m inspired. If you can do it, I can do it. (I also learned a lesson from your post- maybe it’s better not to try EVERYTHING on- some things should just be packed away quickly and quietly.)
For what it’s worth- you do look so cute in every photo you post, so your current wardrobe is working for you. But I know- it’s hard to accept that our bodies have changed.
Trying everything on is not for the faint of heart, Jenny. It was VERY depressing. My family kept looking at me and then at each other, alarmed, as I trundled down the hallway with another full donation bag.
WHERE IS YOUR BOOK OF ESSAYS, NICOLE???? This made me nod in understanding, it made me cry, it made me laugh (your neighbor sounds like a real character), it made me cry again. Love your writing and your kind, self-accepting perspective.
I was just thinking the other day about how many clothing items I still own from my pre-kid days. Am I really going to wear a linen size 2 dress from 2012 ever again? And yet I still have two of them, waiting in my closet like little colorful pieces of the past. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Very impressed and proud and empathetic about your clothing purge.
You’re SO kind, thank you so much Suzanne.
Girl, I feel you. The pencil skirt situation I found myself in, well, it was similar to your linen dresses. Also why do I need pencil skirts? What part of my life lends itself to pencil skirts?
This reminds me of when my in-laws bought me a beautiful business suit in the mid-90’s from an expensive shop for Christmas. I was like, WHY? I hadn’t worked in 5 years and with 3 kids, likely wouldn’t again. My husband felt bad and took me with our three very young kids/babies to the store, which only accepted exchanges and there was NOTHING in there for me! Today, that suit hangs in my closet, way too big for me due to losing all my pregnancy weight and this not being the decade of boxy blazers. I have no idea why I don’t get rid of it 😵💫
Ooooh maybe there is a charity in your town that caters to ladies getting back into the job search market. I know there’s one here that takes business clothes for women who are just getting back on their feet. I mean, the 90s was a while ago but you never know, maybe boxy suits are back in style? I have no idea honestly.
Goodbye to all that, Nicole! I can’t wait to see you in your new clothes! Sparking-joy and feeling-cute are certainly the metrics to hold to in building and keeping clothes.
If the clothes have been deposited at the donation center, please purge the following suggestion from your memory please. Something to consider: some clothes can be let out or adjusted to fit better–there are tailors around who’ll do it.
In awe of your last picture and in love with your penultimate one! XOXO
Thank you so much Maya! I’m not sure if I have the emotional bandwidth to revisit the clothes but your suggestion is a good one! In the meantime, I will be posting photos of new clothes for sure! You know it. xoxo
I’m in the middle of a similar revelation. I have a work thingy in a few weeks and even though I purged my closet last year, it’s still full of 10-15 year old clothes that I either can’t or shouldn’t wear. I bought a new dress for the party on Amazon for $50 that makes me feel fabulous. So what’s taking up space in my closest? Other fabulous Amazon finds that almost but don’t quite fit in the hip area, which represent a time in my life when I was willing to keep clothes that *almost* fit. Plus my Lands End cute summer dress haul from 10+ years ago. Thing one, I am not the same weight that I was 10+ years ago and thing 2 even if I was, those dresses were cute if I was coming but not if I was going, since the design lent itself to VPL. Let me tell you that if I get back to my 10+ years ago weight I will never wear those dresses again since I am out of the stage of life where I pretended that maybe the VPL was just in my imagination.
While I adore picking up cute clothes for nothing and wearing them for one million years so that my cost per wear is 0.00000000000000001 cents…I think the truth is that clothes should have an expiration date. In my case, I think I should be questioning anything that I still have from when I moved in with the Hubs. Winter coats yes, VPL dresses no.
Ahhhh the dreaded VPL. Yes, that’s something we want to avoid for sure. Oh and your point is an excellent one re: winter coats. I am never getting rid of the coat I bought in 2010 to deal with standing in the playground in very cold weather. It’s just a great coat.
But I feel you, those dresses from 10+ years ago, well, are they what we want in life now? No. No they aren’t.
I am kind of a pack rat, so when I was diagnosed with diabetes and ended up losing a significant amount of weight (but not as much as I should have a part of my mind I can’t make shut up keeps insisting), I gradually found myself fitting into clothes I hadn’t been able to wear in years. I asked Beth if it was frustrating to watch this (admittedly) bad habit of hanging on to stuff turn out for the best, and she said no, because she knew I wasn’t going to change anyway.
But it’s not like I never get rid of stuff. We have had an exceptionally cold January and my sweaters are getting a lot more wear than in a normal winter, including some I wear infrequently. But I noticed that despite this there was one I have yet to wear and I’m thinking if I’m not inspired to wear it by the end of the month, I will give it away because if I didn’t wear it this month, I am not going to wear it.
Hahahah Beth, I feel like she and R have a lot of similarities.
You know what, moving from Calgary to here, I’m noticing a lot of my super thick warm sweaters are just not being worn. I’m not ready to get rid of those, though, because I might transition them into more “jackets” (they are all cardigans that I’m talking about). But whereas in January in Calgary I’d have several layers on now I just have a light sweater. It’s not just being menopausal, either, the temperatures are so different.
I hang onto my clothes as for long as possible, being a frugal person, but I do realize that at a certain point attempting to wear my *favorite* clothes can become futile. EITHER because I’m a different shape now than I was when I bought them OR because I don’t want to look like mutton dressed like lamb. It is the latter worry that usually becomes the catalyst for giving those clothes away to Goodwill. You gotta accept what is when it comes to getting dressed.
Ally, good call on the mutton dressed as lamb, see also my great string bikini purge of 2016. I had a “WHAT AM I DOING” moment. After a certain age I need a lot more scaffolding, you know?
BUT! I get this from a frugality perspective. I hate feeling like money is wasted.
Thanks for sharing this part of your journey. You know I am all about comfort this year! It’s TOUGH, especially since I hate shopping for new clothes (and thrifted clothes can sometimes be a slight compromise on fit). I agree that feeling good before heading out for the day is a gift to ourselves and your reminders on this topic echo in my head A LOT.
I mean, I just can’t go on anymore with my waistband cutting into my stomach. I just can’t. It feels terrible and it doesn’t look great either! But wow does it feel like a waste of money to see all those clothes in the donation bags (although I did get a lot of wear out of them) (still though)
I did a great jean purge this fall because I lost weight ( stress and insomnia- do not recommend!)and realized my pants were weirdly baggy. I hit thrifts stores, bought almost every pair in my new size, and then packed up the old jeans. I was going to keep them in case I gained the weight back, but I passed them on. I now need to do the same for shirts..and I admit some of my favorite shirts are way too old. But I’ll keep them for sentiment. They can join my blue wedding dress and favorite coat dress from the 90s. I love them even if they don’t fit- however I do feel a little sad that I didn’t pass them on when they were still fashionable.
I am good about passing on kids clothes while they’re still useful. I need to do the same with my stuff.
Hi Mbmom!! First of all I’m so sorry about your stress and insomnia. That’s so rough. I hope you are feeling better now. A clothing purge is such a good idea but I get it, it is so hard to get rid of some things. Can I tell you something though, I love that you had a blue wedding dress! I feel like I need more information! It sounds lovely. Blue is my favourite colour!
Ugh I feel this so much! It is so hard when your body changes in ways you can’t control or would have to control through incredible restrictive eating. 🙁 I have done so many purges since having kids – really it’s been a rolling cycle of purges, especially after having Will. It’s hard to accept and right now things are really rough with my prednisone weight gain. So I am telling myself to give myself 6 months to see where my weight/body shape settles before getting rid of anything else. I started to taper off pred today but it’s a long process since I’ve been on it for so dang long!
I am oddly fascinated by divorce memoirs even though I am in a healthy relationship so I will eventually check out that one! I just finished Long Island which is a sequel to Brooklyn. The book ended very abruptly which makes me think the author intends to write a 3rd book. But it ended in a way that made me wonder if something was wrong with my ebook – like I missed a final chapter? I didn’t like it and that brought it down to 3 stars from 4. It feels manipulative to end a book in that manner. Geez, I might need to move the rating to 2.5 actually because I’m getting mad thinking about it. Sigh.
Lisa, you’re smart to hang onto your things for a while – prednisone has taken a toll on you and who knows what will happen when you taper off of it! I’m just happy you’re starting to heal.
I also gave Long Island a 3 star. I felt exactly the same about the end and also, what a weird storyline. Like, it was quite upsetting to me. This is my exact review: “This is the sequel to Brooklyn, which I recently read, and despite the title, it mainly takes place in Ireland in 1976. After our protagonist Eilis discovers that not only has her husband slept with another woman, that woman is pregnant. The pregnant woman’s husband is going to just…deliver the baby to Eilis and her husband to raise, as he will not raise a child who is not his. What? Well, Eilis does not want anything to do with this baby, but her in-laws – who live next door, I feel seen – do. This strange storyline is the reason Eilis decides to go visit her mother in Ireland, who is turning 80, where she reconnects with an old flame. My friend Hailey (HI HAILEY) described this as a book where the characters have big emotions and face big issues, but the author only skims the surface, and I think that’s a perfect description. But, as with Brooklyn, I was left wanting more, wanting to know what happens next. And I didn’t get that. Maybe it’s the setup for another sequel.”
I forgot that you had read this book! Our reaction is incredibly similar! I read Brooklyn so long ago when it was a new release and didn’t remember much about it so I had to go back and read a plot summary. Now I wish I had not read the sequel, and I don’t plan to read any further books in the series if he continues to publish. It would make a good bookclub discussion, though! I could understand some of the decisions that were made by characters in the part of the book that is set in Ireland, although I really disagreed with those decisions they made. But the whole baby situation was hard to wrap my mind around!
I KNOW! The whole thing was just so upsetting to me. But also the book was kind of boring, and I wanted closure, so I read to the end, and this is another reason to DNF books, I guess.
What an emotional journey Nicole! I always admire your positivity regarding body changes. So it’s interesting to see you go through this roller coaster. It is such a weird experience- you don’t change anything- continue eating well and working out and being active…and then your body just changes. I do understand how hard it is to let go of those special dresses. For me it’s been a different journey – my body weirdly decided to get thinner in my mid-60’s. I know that so many of my peers envy that in a way, BUT my butt has disappeared, my strong muscular marathon legs are now so wrinkly… and it seems to happen overnight. I just looked in the mirror one day and wondered “whose legs are those”. I just have to remind myself that I can still do so much more than most 69 year old women and I need to be grateful. It’s hard though :(.
Isn’t it wild how our bodies just…change? Like I haven’t done anything different with my life, and here we are. And here you are! I mean, who can say what age and life will do to our bodies, I guess we should be celebrating with gratitude all the things we can do.
Ooh, I love that you compared your current moment to a past never again moment during mothering. It feels as though some clothing transitions I’ve experienced were more gradual, but mothering and menopause? Those were both stark. I am working on this too, but I never wore clothes particularly well and find that there is not much that really works for me at the moment. I did do away with wearing the ugly/uncomfortable jeans that are too new to pass on for dog walking, and bought yoga pants. My new torso thanks me :-). Solidarity and support to you as you find new wardrobe items that make you feel like your best self.
Yoga pants are a gift from the universe. I am fully embracing the stretchy waistband! And yes, motherhood and menopause – they are beautiful and natural parts of life, so maybe to celebrate those parts of life we should welcome new clothing into our world. Maybe? Am I grasping at straws a little, perhaps.
I’m currently holding on to one dress that I really really love, but it’s just too tight for me. This post is the encouragement I need to just pass it on to someone else who will love it just as much. *sigh*
Gosh I hope the recipients of our dresses love them the way we did! Or at least will get some happiness out of them.
I really like that you are curating your closet to be a safe space of love. That is lovely. 😘💕
Thank you so much Kari xoxo
A few months after my daughter was born, I gave my younger sister all my office wear and I remember standing in the driveway as she pulled away sobbing, grieving for my career girl life as it drove away in the backseat of her car. But it is necessary to purge things that fit (our bodies, our lives)anymore. I once heard someone say that it affects you to walk into a closet, full of clothes that don’t fit. Subconsciously it’s doing terrible things to you. I think that’s true. The test for me: if something happened and I needed someone else to pack a bag for me, could they grab anything from my closet and it would fit and please me? If not, it needs to go.
Oh Laura, we are always on the same page. Are you sure we aren’t related somehow? This spoke to me so much!! (I am now imagining my husband or sons packing a bag for me, and my face is like that meme of the little girl with the gap teeth looking back and forth suspiciously)
Dear Rex and his sweet face! Oh, this so landed with me, Nicole. Clothes hold such memories and I think it’s hard to move on from them (or move them on from our closets) when they represent truly what we looked like when we were who we were (even if they are not on who we are now). I am trying to be better about saying goodbye to things (like that dress I wore to a wedding 15 years ago that is still a story the Mr and I tell but will never fit me again) and letting my closet (and mind) be open to what comes next vs. what there was….
Well, that’s the thing – the memories are so strong! But let’s be real, we have photos of ourselves in those beautiful clothes and we still have those beautiful memories. But woooooooo it is hard to clean out the closets! Also, I’d love to hear that story sometime!
I am so glad to have sisters in this clothing situation.
I feel particularly betrayed, because as a person whose body shape is not popular with manufacturers, I didn’t even ask my clothes to make me look GOOD, I only asked them not to make me feel ACTIVELY BAD. I feel I set a VERY LOW BAR, and still here we are. Bags of clothes out the door (and/or still in piles in my closet making me feel bad, definitely I need to take action on that). And some of the ones that DO make me feel cute have worn right out, and my EBay searches to find duplicates of decade-old clothes have been fruitless. Woe. Woe.
One thing that does make me feel better is that Elizabeth and her friends shop at Goodwill and often come home with absolute treasures. Elizabeth found a bunch of pants, all the same brand and size, a couple with price-tags still attached, and they look fabulous on her. I imagined the previous owner dropping off that bag of pants sadly, thinking they would never fit her again—and some of them still brand-new!! and not cheap!! But they brought huge happiness to someone who has since worn them again and again for many occasions, and who could not have afforded them at store prices.
Swistle, this is just the most uplifting thing, thinking of someone else finding my clothes and loving them, like your Elizabeth. This makes me so happy. Thank you for that. xoxo
This story has made me feel a little bit happier about a similar situation, so thanks, Swistle. My friends’ daughters often shop thrift stores too, so I will imagine one of them happily buying my old clothes for pennies. To be honest, I still shop thrift, but online, so I guess I am participating in the cycle too.
I really want to love my new body, and I am grateful for the amount of walking and swimming that it can still do, but the fact that it also now gets injuries and can’t do those things sometimes, coupled with its new shape, which the walking and swimming were supposed to change, but don’t really… this is hard. I realize that knee-replacement surgery is MUCH more intense than my strained meniscus, so I shouldn’t complain, but, still…
I set intentions about loving my body and appreciating it, so hopefully it gets the message that my heart is in the right place.
Kay, I totally understand what you’re saying – the new shape is a tricky thing to wrap our minds around, especially since we’ve all been subjected to diet culture our entire lives. It’s a lot of unlearning, for sure.
Yes, to only wearing and owning clothes that make me feel good! When I feel good in my body, I feel it comes through in my attitude. And, oh do I ever miss Jacob. I have wonderful memories of shopping there and was so disappointed when the company closed all Canadian stores – a moment of silence 🙂
I love your term of “safe space” for your closet. Totally agree!
Jacquie, when Jacob closed I felt physical pain! It was so sad. I loved that store so much. Their clothes were all so beautiful and classic! I join you in your moment of silence.
You’re so right with this – “when I feel good in my body I feel it comes through in my attitude” – RIGHT ON JACQUIE!!!
Nicole, I feel this post deeply. And it serves as a reminder that I need to get into my closet and make it (and my clothes) serve me; instead of me just being a repository for clothes that I don’t love and wear.
Gigi, this is wonderful! We want our clothes to serve us well!
Good for you, Nicole! Yay and Congratulations! What you did was a wonderful act of kindness to yourself and it’s worthy of applause! It must feel so amazing to have a closet full of clothes you love. You have such a great fashion sense. Sigh. I’m terrible at choosing clothes. I only want to wear things that are loose and stretchy! I would very much enjoy it if the flowing, flowery muumuu came back in style – like Mrs. Roper on Three’s Company. Ha! Ha! Someday, I’ll just go for it and become the eccentric old lady I’m meant to be! OMG, probably like your neighbor!
You know what, Michelle, a while back you said “it’s so empowering to have clothes that just fit” and that kept going through my mind. You inspired me! Also? I LOVE MRS ROPER. We should all embrace the muumuu! With big chunky necklaces. I feel like I can get behind this!
And thank you – I love framing this as an act of kindness to myself! xoxoxoxo
I’m inching up on 60, and some of the things that fit me when I was inching up on 50 don’t fit anymore, but mostly it is things even older than that. I don’t know why I keep them, even if they magically did fit again, a lot of them are either gifts given to me that were never my style, or they are out of style enough that I doubt I would wear them, or they are showing their age (pilling etc.) I need to do a big purge. I will keep Maya’s comment in mind, though, and if something almost fits, and is in good shape, consider keeping it and having it let out/altered a bit. If I ever get to it, that is. SIGH. It’s overwhelming and depressing.
I don’t know, J, I don’t think I have the emotional bandwidth to reconsider any of my clothes, even though the donation bags are currently still in my house. I think I just need to let go. There was a sweater that I loved once upon a time but when I looked at it there were so many small holes in the knit, etc, and it was really beyond repair. I loved it but it had to go. It’s an emotional journey! I didn’t think it would be so sad, honestly.
I can 💯 percent relate to this and I appreciate hearing the stories. I purged some more clothes recently and feel I might need to go back and do more. It is very hard to accept the changes in everything that’s for sure. Thank you for sharing!!
PS. Jacob was the best!!
Jacob WAS the best, I don’t think any store even comes close. It was hard to get rid of those Jacob clothes, let me tell you!
I love your acceptance of the transition and stage of life, it’s inspiring to me as I’m struggling with wrapping me head around aging more than I thought I would and trying to reframe consistently with gratitude for the fact that every year I get older and it is a privilege to get to be each age.
I also have a recommendation! If you are not done new clothes buying I highly recommend miik.ca. It might not be your style but take a look. I buy mostly their work wear but they have a lot of cute casual clothing too. They are a women owned Canadian small business (clothing made in Canada) and sustainably made too. And I think pretty much all their pants have stretchy waistbands!
Leneigh! I have never even heard of that company, so you know as soon as I saw this comment I popped over there. And their clothes are lovely! I am NOT done new clothes buying (will I ever be?) and so this is being bookmarked for sure. Thank you SO much!!!
I nodded fiercely along with your story the whole time. Everything you have said resonates! Although I don’t have kids so I don’t have the comparison of before kid and after kid body, but that definitely does not mean that the perimenopause leaves me out! Also, when I got rid of all of my things last year, I literally had things that were from over two decades ago, from the 90s! I am your neighbor! Just kidding, I definitely do not have swinging breasts. BUT speaking of those, we used to have a neighbor with them and they were so long that it looked like she had a weirdly shaped pot belly, no joke.
Hahahaha that actually describes the look pretty accurately.
Perimenopause comes for all of us, if we are lucky! I keep reminding myself of that. Elastic waists exist for a reason! I’m trying to lean in.
Loved this post! I have been on a (slow) mission to weed things out of my closet, replace things as needed, etc. I have taken it a few steps farther into Crazy Town and have decided to make a spreadsheet of my entire wardrobe. Maybe I’m the MAYOR of Crazy Town! Haha! But I struggle very much with getting rid of clothing (I am a “what if?” type person…). I am also indecisive. But, I have many items that either I just don’t truly, truly love (but they’re mostly in good shape/ fine, which makes it very hard for me. If something is visibly worn out or flat out doesn’t fit, I find that much easier!) or are just not quite right in some way. I have a million items and yet often end up feeling like I don’t have the “right” thing, which is extremely frustrating!! I also struggle with comfort + clothing and feel like I’m over sensitive to waistbands or restrictive clothing in any way. I generally have a very hard time with jeans on the whole, and it makes me sad, because they’re SO cute.
Oh, I forgot where I was going with the spreadsheet thing and rambled off on a side topic… my idea with this is to track what I am actually wearing, so I can literally SEE, on paper, like, ok, you have this sweater and you literally never wore it once all winter. It’s okay to let that one go! Etc. Also, as I add things, I am categorizing them by “Love, Really like, Like, Just okay, and Meh”. Haha. Anything that is a DEFINITE no I am trying to weed out immediately, but by categorizing things it feels like I’m being a little more gentle with myself. Like, I can admit on paper that this item is not my favorite, but I don’t have to actually do anything with it…. yet. But I am hoping to eventually become a little more objective as I do this, and am envisioning sorting the sheet by these rankings and taking action to either replace those less favorable items (strategically… since I have the listings, I can sit down at my computer and actually make a shopping list!) or just remove them.
You may be the mayor of Crazy Town BUT this makes a lot of sense! We should all move to your Crazy Town, because it’s a really smart thing to do, to itemize all our items. Oh god, does that mean I should itemize all my items? Even after the purge I have a really enormous amount of clothes. I do get the “just in case” thing though. I was saying to Steph that since we moved here I haven’t really had the need to wear a ton of my old thick sweaters from Calgary. But what if it gets cold? WHAT THEN? Also I think maybe I could use those thick cardigans for light spring wear.
For me it was more of a “well, this looks terrible now” thing, and Kae, I found that SO hard. The dresses that I felt so gorgeous in now make me feel very un-gorgeous. But someone else can use them I’m sure.
Glad you enjoyed The Divorce. I too loved Jacob’s clothes and might still have a few items in my closet. Loved their T-shirts and pants that seemed to fit when no others would. Now I feel I must do a closet purge, there are items in there that are decades old and need to be released. But I am also thinking I do not NEED to buy any new clothes (in fact, I rarely do because I hate shopping and hate trying on clothes), but I do like your idea of always feel attractive in one’s clothes. I’m just not sure what the answer is for someone who a) abhors shopping b) is determined to buy less c) wants comfort and d) wants to look good.
Maybe you need a personal shopper, Pearl? Someone to just bring you outfits that would be perfect and comfy and then you’re done? Well, a girl can dream anyway (imagine how nice that would be!)
The Divorce was so well done. I really enjoyed it – thank you!
These days, when things don’t fit, I first offer them to my 13 year old. But a lot of my clothes are too fussy for her – she likes to dress for comfort – yoga pants and sweatshirts. I’ve kept a bin of my favorite things in case either of my girls will want to wear them in the future. I like to think they might, but I’m not at all sure. Also, due to genetics, it is likely that they will be much taller than I ever was, so things might not fit them when they get older.
I do mourn the cute clothes that I used to wear, but I also think my style has changed a lot since my 20s and 30s. Or rather, what I’m willing to wear. Like I need the fabric to have a bit of give and space and to be able to breathe. And I need to be able to do a downward dog and not worry about ripping a seam. I need to be 100% comfortable. I am sometimes sad that the clothes I want to wear now are not as cute as what I wore when I was younger. Are companies just not making cute clothes anymore? There’s a venn diagram here somewhere.
But also, I think I feel more confident now in my current uniform of leggings/dresses/tunics than I ever felt in that purple Betsy Johnson lace dress (that bought in my 20s and wore exactly twice, but which was sooooooo cute.)
There is a venn diagram but also, Diane, have you noticed that tops are all so short now? It used to be I could buy any number of lululemon tanks and they’d all hit mid-hip, now I’m lucky if they hit my waist – and that’s not a size thing, it’s a style thing! BRING BACK THE LONG SHIRTS. Where were these short tops when I wanted them in the 90s? Oh wait, I was wearing them then. Hmmm.