ONE. One of the greatest pleasures in the world is good food, and Elisabeth (HI ELISABETH) asked what was the single best meal you had in 2024? I mean, I went to Italy for three weeks. I had so many good meals! Plus, my garden was so prolific this year that I was able to eat so well, and so fresh, for months. But if I had to choose one meal, just one, it would be the pappa di pomodoro in Sienna.
A close runner-up would be this bruschetta in Rome, complete with Aperol spritz:
Not pictured but always remembered are the myriad bowls of delectable pasta with tomato-based sauces and with pesto, the baskets of bread with balsamic vinegar and oil, and one particular cup of orange non-dairy gelato from a place in Rome, just down from our hotel. The gelato had tiny pieces of candied orange scattered through it and I may be thinking about it until I shuffle off this mortal coil.
TWO. It was during our trip to Italy that my husband and I decided we needed more intentional connection. Do not worry, this is not going to be a discussion about intercoursing, although of course that is a good thing to keep the home fires burning, as it were. I think that marriages, and relationships more generally, go through many iterations over time, particularly if there are children involved. When the kids were very small it felt like my husband and I were amiable zookeepers, just trying to figure things out to keep the zoo inhabitants thriving. Then those inhabitants got older and busier and my husband’s work ramped up and life just became demanding. Now, of course, all those things have changed; one might think that because my husband is retired, we are together all the time, but that’s not the case. The two of us often have parallel days, with the exception of dinner, which we eat together every night with whichever of our children is around, and at which we have never allowed screens or devices. Unless, of course, if there is an “important” football game during the dinner hour, and then it’s screened quietly in the background in the room adjacent to the dining room.
In Italy we decided it would be good for us to have a devoted time together, just the two of us, no phones or books or television, and so we decided to have a weekly cocktail hour. Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) asked how did you come up with the idea, and how do you implement it? As with everything in my life, it’s scheduled – usually on Fridays, late in the afternoon. My husband makes us cocktails or pours wine, and we turn everything off, and talk. It’s a fun treat that I look forward to, and I think it’s good for the old marriage vows.
THREE. It’s not all sunshine and cocktails around here, though. We disagree on a few things and probably always will. Elisabeth (HI AGAIN ELISABETH) asked what topic are you most likely to disagree about? We disagree about cilantro, the definition of the patriarchy, cake frosting, and whether or not Rex should have a treat just for coming inside after a romp around the yard. I’ll leave you to decipher who is on which side here. But the topic that we disagree on the most, and that I have waved the white flag about because one can only fight so long, is how to hang up towels.
My husband hangs up all manner of towels – bath, hand, tea – folded neatly down the middle. I think that folding in thirds, with the outside edges hidden, is far superior from an esthetic standpoint, and also from a use-of-space standpoint, particularly with regards to bath towels. Friends, you cannot change a leopard’s spots, and I know when to fold them, literally, in this case. I listened to a podcast in which a man said that he gave up fighting his husband about leaving his dirty underwear on the floor, and just picks it up, and now it’s marital bliss, and I thought oh god, at least I’m not living with a grown man who is incapable of using a goddamn laundry hamper. If this long-suffering dirty underwear-retrieving fellow could survive such atrocities, I could survive incompatible towel folding methodology! Do you want to have towels folded in thirds, or do you want to be married? I asked myself, and so now I spend upwards of forty-five seconds a day refolding his neatly folded towels.
FOUR. This is not, however, the silliest thing we’ve ever argued about, which was another question from Suzanne (HI AGAIN SUZANNE). That distinction goes to a fight we had in 1999 regarding a Sex and the City episode, and although the particulars have been lost to the annals of time, I still remember the episode, and the key line “Your girl is lovely, Hubble,” said to Mr Big by Carrie. She talked about being a wild horse, running free, and it was this that sparked the argument that led to door slamming in our tiny apartment. Again, I don’t recall the specifics of this incendiary topic, but I remember the emotion behind it.
FIVE. I opened up the Ask Me Anything form to see that there was a new question! And it was from Kyria! (HI KYRIA) I excitedly scrolled down to see the following: Tell us a poop story.
Me:
Kyria! No! Everyone knows how I feel about the worst emoji ever invented! No no no!
But I don’t like to disappoint, and I did say ask me anything, not ask me anything that is unrelated to bowel movements. So I will say that I am thrilled that dietary fibre is finally having a moment. I feel like I have long been a Fibre Evangelist; I don’t like to track my food consumption – that way lies madness – but I am sure that I far exceed the recommended intake, mostly via fruits and vegetables, but also with beans and legumes. I mean, when I was a kid my favourite cereal was Raisin Bran, which requires no further comment on my part.
Years ago in my yoga teacher training, the woman who was leading the sessions about chakras spoke passionately about the muladhara, which is the root chakra. Her words have been burned on my brain lo these many years: she said, on the topic of having a bowel movement, that it was the happiest time of the day. At the time I thought that was an unhinged response to using the toilet, but on further reflection I cannot say that she’s wrong. Anyone who has ever suffered in that department knows what a literal bummer it is.
But in addition to improving that happiest time of the day, fibre is so important for our health. It’s vitally helpful for aging generally but for women in perimenopause and menopause specifically. There have been numerous empirical studies that show the multiple benefits of fibre for women in controlling perimenopause symptoms, which is wildly exciting to me. Bring it on, I say as I spread the word, stepping onto my bran-shaped soap box, raising my fist in the air, my fist full of chickpeas and kale.
Do you have a question for me? Let me know and I’ll do my best to answer it. Please, though, no more questions on poop. I think I’ve exhausted the subject. xo
That Kermit gif is perfection!
I am laughing at your furious argument over SATC. But I totally get it. Sometimes our beloved spouses are just WRONG.
Thank you for answering my (and others’!) questions!
Those meals in Italy look so amazing as does your well-appointed bar! And now I really want to know about the SATC fight? Was it that wild horses don’t really run free?
I like towels folded in thirds… I learned from watching A do that :).
Hahaha that last question! I’m not surprised to hear about the muladhara… when I was a kid I heard an ayurvedic doctor say that the good food should enable good sex, good sleep, and good shits. (I stored that up; sex with yourself counts as I’m prone to telling my kids.)
This post made me howl with laughter! The photo of Kermit said it all! Thank you Nicole, and Kyria, for such an excellent belly laugh. Well, I guess I won’t ask my burning poop questions. 🤣 Your owl towel is adorable, and of course it should be folded in thirds. I’m glad you’re able to let the husbandly half-fold slide, and focus on no underwear on the floor! It’s those small things that make a happy marriage. My husband and I worked together for years, so we learned how to give each other space and quiet time. That’s carried over into semi-retirement, so it’s been a smooth transition. I know it’s not like that for everyone so I feel very lucky. The food photos look so delicious, and that gelato sounds amazing.
I bet it was hard to pick a meal.
Beth is thinking of retiring early (within a year or two), while I plan to continue to work for at least six more years. I have often wondered what it will be like when she’s the one with more free time. I know I’m going to ask her to take over half the cooking, but other than that, I don’t know.
I hate that emoji, too, like really, really hate it.
We had a fight about font for our wedding save the dates. FONT. It almost ended our marriage before it even got started. We think of that fight very fondly in our house now. Ridiculous.
No one in our house cares how towels are folded or how toilet paper is put on the roll. It is freaking ANARCHY over here. You would hate it.
My favorite cereal as a kid was also Raisin Bran and I love it to this day! My Mr and I are in that phase of life where kid activities and work really drive our days – but, one of our goals this year is to have monthly date nights and I’m super proud that I have finally found a babysitter to support that (at least through June) – which I am hoping will mean he will come up with things we can do when we go out, haha!
You have an unfair advantage over us on the best meal of ’24 question. No doubt yours was spectacular, ours was much humbler— homemade Mac and Cheese using some pumpkin in the sauce. We argue the most about how to load the dishwasher: my way is the right way, his is not.
I think we have discussed this before but my husband and I also have a cocktail hour and I look forward to it all week. We listen to vinyl records, have wine, and talk about our week and make plans for the upcoming weekend. I think a lot of marriages could be saved with one.
My mom also prefers the tri fold approach to folding towels, but we are heathens that fold it down the middle. It definitely looks better when it’s trifolded, though. I’m trying to remember if we ever had a light hearted argument. On Maya’s post yesterday, I commented on how I’m often told to lighten up and not take things so seriously. I think because I’m not super light hearted our arguments tend to have a lot of depth to them… our last big argument was from this summer when we were assembling taco’s new bed and Phil chose that time to comment on how my mood had been impacted by prednisone… It was not good Bob. But hey, part of me married is figuring out how to argue and still love each other.
I love the idea of your happy hour. I’d love to do something like that in our empty nest phase. You know, in like 15 years! Ha. By then, we might have like an AI robot that would make our cocktails. We are really working on doing more date nights in 2025 though.
I agree that it looks nicer with a trifold, but I’m generally too lazy.
When you mentioned waving the white flag I thought that meant YOU folded down the middle now. But I guess it means you don’t complain when your husband doesn’t…but then you go and “correct” it. Sounds like you feel about towels how we feel about toilet paper placement.
I’m very, very curious to know which side of the great cilantro debate you are on, but I will not pry :-). Glad to hear you enjoyed the food when you visited Italy – I always was a bit meh about Italian food until I met my mother-in-law and then I understood that I really just didn’t care for AMERICAN Italian food!
I often think about foods we’ve had on trips. Maybe they seem grand because we will never have them again? 🤔 Speaking of trips, I once mentioned to my doctor that I have trouble pooping on vacation and she told me that was totally normal. I think about that a lot, too 🤣🤣🤣
And kitchen towels do NOT get folded in our house. Hang that sucker fully open on the oven handle!
You were right to “throw in the towel” on the towel disagreement. MY husband, God love him, couldn’t fold a towel if his life depended on it. I will wash the towels and fold them neatly. He will grab it; take a shower and throw it haphazardly over the bar and call it good – no actual attempt to fold it at all. But if he actually attempted to leave his underwear on the floor? Well, that would be that and we’d have a real problem.
YESSSS!!! We have a contender for Best Post of 2025.
At some point last year the Hubs and I realized that we were too much in fire fighting mode and not enough in fun mode, so we’ve been working on adding “us” time in addition to our “run around like chickens with our heads cut off” time. That’s where things like our biking projects and Seinfeld rewatch are coming from. He is a fun dude to hang out with.
Fortunately everyone in my house likes cilantro! That would be a hard one to work around, when we already have a severe spice tolerance difference.
This was all DELIGHTFUL!
I fold towels in thirds for storage, but for hanging in the kitchen, it’s usually just stuffed any which way.
My uncle is a gastroenterologist and he always said to his kids (my cousins) to eat their vegetables, not to grow strong and healthy, but so that they would always be able to poop.