ONE. One of the greatest pleasures in the world is good food, and Elisabeth (HI ELISABETH) asked what was the single best meal you had in 2024? I mean, I went to Italy for three weeks. I had so many good meals! Plus, my garden was so prolific this year that I was able to eat so well, and so fresh, for months. But if I had to choose one meal, just one, it would be the pappa di pomodoro in Sienna.
A close runner-up would be this bruschetta in Rome, complete with Aperol spritz:
Not pictured but always remembered are the myriad bowls of delectable pasta with tomato-based sauces and with pesto, the baskets of bread with balsamic vinegar and oil, and one particular cup of orange non-dairy gelato from a place in Rome, just down from our hotel. The gelato had tiny pieces of candied orange scattered through it and I may be thinking about it until I shuffle off this mortal coil.
TWO. It was during our trip to Italy that my husband and I decided we needed more intentional connection. Do not worry, this is not going to be a discussion about intercoursing, although of course that is a good thing to keep the home fires burning, as it were. I think that marriages, and relationships more generally, go through many iterations over time, particularly if there are children involved. When the kids were very small it felt like my husband and I were amiable zookeepers, just trying to figure things out to keep the zoo inhabitants thriving. Then those inhabitants got older and busier and my husband’s work ramped up and life just became demanding. Now, of course, all those things have changed; one might think that because my husband is retired, we are together all the time, but that’s not the case. The two of us often have parallel days, with the exception of dinner, which we eat together every night with whichever of our children is around, and at which we have never allowed screens or devices. Unless, of course, if there is an “important” football game during the dinner hour, and then it’s screened quietly in the background in the room adjacent to the dining room.
In Italy we decided it would be good for us to have a devoted time together, just the two of us, no phones or books or television, and so we decided to have a weekly cocktail hour. Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) asked how did you come up with the idea, and how do you implement it? As with everything in my life, it’s scheduled – usually on Fridays, late in the afternoon. My husband makes us cocktails or pours wine, and we turn everything off, and talk. It’s a fun treat that I look forward to, and I think it’s good for the old marriage vows.
THREE. It’s not all sunshine and cocktails around here, though. We disagree on a few things and probably always will. Elisabeth (HI AGAIN ELISABETH) asked what topic are you most likely to disagree about? We disagree about cilantro, the definition of the patriarchy, cake frosting, and whether or not Rex should have a treat just for coming inside after a romp around the yard. I’ll leave you to decipher who is on which side here. But the topic that we disagree on the most, and that I have waved the white flag about because one can only fight so long, is how to hang up towels.
My husband hangs up all manner of towels – bath, hand, tea – folded neatly down the middle. I think that folding in thirds, with the outside edges hidden, is far superior from an esthetic standpoint, and also from a use-of-space standpoint, particularly with regards to bath towels. Friends, you cannot change a leopard’s spots, and I know when to fold them, literally, in this case. I listened to a podcast in which a man said that he gave up fighting his husband about leaving his dirty underwear on the floor, and just picks it up, and now it’s marital bliss, and I thought oh god, at least I’m not living with a grown man who is incapable of using a goddamn laundry hamper. If this long-suffering dirty underwear-retrieving fellow could survive such atrocities, I could survive incompatible towel folding methodology! Do you want to have towels folded in thirds, or do you want to be married? I asked myself, and so now I spend upwards of forty-five seconds a day refolding his neatly folded towels.
FOUR. This is not, however, the silliest thing we’ve ever argued about, which was another question from Suzanne (HI AGAIN SUZANNE). That distinction goes to a fight we had in 1999 regarding a Sex and the City episode, and although the particulars have been lost to the annals of time, I still remember the episode, and the key line “Your girl is lovely, Hubble,” said to Mr Big by Carrie. She talked about being a wild horse, running free, and it was this that sparked the argument that led to door slamming in our tiny apartment. Again, I don’t recall the specifics of this incendiary topic, but I remember the emotion behind it.
FIVE. I opened up the Ask Me Anything form to see that there was a new question! And it was from Kyria! (HI KYRIA) I excitedly scrolled down to see the following: Tell us a poop story.
Me:
Kyria! No! Everyone knows how I feel about the worst emoji ever invented! No no no!
But I don’t like to disappoint, and I did say ask me anything, not ask me anything that is unrelated to bowel movements. So I will say that I am thrilled that dietary fibre is finally having a moment. I feel like I have long been a Fibre Evangelist; I don’t like to track my food consumption – that way lies madness – but I am sure that I far exceed the recommended intake, mostly via fruits and vegetables, but also with beans and legumes. I mean, when I was a kid my favourite cereal was Raisin Bran, which requires no further comment on my part.
Years ago in my yoga teacher training, the woman who was leading the sessions about chakras spoke passionately about the muladhara, which is the root chakra. Her words have been burned on my brain lo these many years: she said, on the topic of having a bowel movement, that it was the happiest time of the day. At the time I thought that was an unhinged response to using the toilet, but on further reflection I cannot say that she’s wrong. Anyone who has ever suffered in that department knows what a literal bummer it is.
But in addition to improving that happiest time of the day, fibre is so important for our health. It’s vitally helpful for aging generally but for women in perimenopause and menopause specifically. There have been numerous empirical studies that show the multiple benefits of fibre for women in controlling perimenopause symptoms, which is wildly exciting to me. Bring it on, I say as I spread the word, stepping onto my bran-shaped soap box, raising my fist in the air, my fist full of chickpeas and kale.
Do you have a question for me? Let me know and I’ll do my best to answer it. Please, though, no more questions on poop. I think I’ve exhausted the subject. xo
That Kermit gif is perfection!
I am laughing at your furious argument over SATC. But I totally get it. Sometimes our beloved spouses are just WRONG.
Thank you for answering my (and others’!) questions!
I mean I wish I could remember the details. Or do I? Perhaps it’s best left in the past!
Those meals in Italy look so amazing as does your well-appointed bar! And now I really want to know about the SATC fight? Was it that wild horses don’t really run free?
I like towels folded in thirds… I learned from watching A do that :).
Hahaha that last question! I’m not surprised to hear about the muladhara… when I was a kid I heard an ayurvedic doctor say that the good food should enable good sex, good sleep, and good shits. (I stored that up; sex with yourself counts as I’m prone to telling my kids.)
I wish I could tell you what the fight was about but I truly do not remember! Maybe I blocked it out? Probably it was something about wild horses, who knows, all I know is that as I got older Carrie’s character became more and more atrocious to me.
Hahaha, sex, sleep, shit – I mean, he’s not wrong.
This post made me howl with laughter! The photo of Kermit said it all! Thank you Nicole, and Kyria, for such an excellent belly laugh. Well, I guess I won’t ask my burning poop questions. 🤣 Your owl towel is adorable, and of course it should be folded in thirds. I’m glad you’re able to let the husbandly half-fold slide, and focus on no underwear on the floor! It’s those small things that make a happy marriage. My husband and I worked together for years, so we learned how to give each other space and quiet time. That’s carried over into semi-retirement, so it’s been a smooth transition. I know it’s not like that for everyone so I feel very lucky. The food photos look so delicious, and that gelato sounds amazing.
You and your husband have done so well – working together is not easy and here you are, happily married all these years!
I’m so glad you noticed that about the owl. If it’s folded in half, you can’t see the owl!
I bet it was hard to pick a meal.
Beth is thinking of retiring early (within a year or two), while I plan to continue to work for at least six more years. I have often wondered what it will be like when she’s the one with more free time. I know I’m going to ask her to take over half the cooking, but other than that, I don’t know.
I hate that emoji, too, like really, really hate it.
Steph, I don’t know how it will be for you, but my husband has really picked up a lot of the domestic chores that I used to do, now that he’s retired. IT IS LOVELY. He hasn’t taken over the cooking, though, but I haven’t really given him that option either.
We had a fight about font for our wedding save the dates. FONT. It almost ended our marriage before it even got started. We think of that fight very fondly in our house now. Ridiculous.
No one in our house cares how towels are folded or how toilet paper is put on the roll. It is freaking ANARCHY over here. You would hate it.
I’m with you on the toilet paper roll, as long as there is toilet paper available I could not care less how it’s on the roll. But towels, who knew I would be so strident with towel folding methodology?
FONT. That’s amazing and I love it.
My favorite cereal as a kid was also Raisin Bran and I love it to this day! My Mr and I are in that phase of life where kid activities and work really drive our days – but, one of our goals this year is to have monthly date nights and I’m super proud that I have finally found a babysitter to support that (at least through June) – which I am hoping will mean he will come up with things we can do when we go out, haha!
RAISIN BRAN LOVERS UNITE!
I think a monthly date night sounds absolutely wonderful! Good for you for getting the babysitter situation figured out – that’s a big step.
You have an unfair advantage over us on the best meal of ’24 question. No doubt yours was spectacular, ours was much humbler— homemade Mac and Cheese using some pumpkin in the sauce. We argue the most about how to load the dishwasher: my way is the right way, his is not.
Oh I know many couples who argue over the dishwasher! We are both on the same side of that, thankfully.
Your homemade mac and cheese sounds great Ally!
I think we have discussed this before but my husband and I also have a cocktail hour and I look forward to it all week. We listen to vinyl records, have wine, and talk about our week and make plans for the upcoming weekend. I think a lot of marriages could be saved with one.
Laura, I agree so much! It’s been so great for us.
My mom also prefers the tri fold approach to folding towels, but we are heathens that fold it down the middle. It definitely looks better when it’s trifolded, though. I’m trying to remember if we ever had a light hearted argument. On Maya’s post yesterday, I commented on how I’m often told to lighten up and not take things so seriously. I think because I’m not super light hearted our arguments tend to have a lot of depth to them… our last big argument was from this summer when we were assembling taco’s new bed and Phil chose that time to comment on how my mood had been impacted by prednisone… It was not good Bob. But hey, part of me married is figuring out how to argue and still love each other.
I love the idea of your happy hour. I’d love to do something like that in our empty nest phase. You know, in like 15 years! Ha. By then, we might have like an AI robot that would make our cocktails. We are really working on doing more date nights in 2025 though.
Fifteen years from now I’ll remind you of cocktail hour!
I have light hearted arguments fairly frequently and real arguments much less frequently, but I will say that the Sex and the City argument was very fiery! And yet here I am, I cannot remember what it was about specifically at all. Ah, the fires of youth.
Also, assembling furniture is fraught!
I agree that it looks nicer with a trifold, but I’m generally too lazy.
When you mentioned waving the white flag I thought that meant YOU folded down the middle now. But I guess it means you don’t complain when your husband doesn’t…but then you go and “correct” it. Sounds like you feel about towels how we feel about toilet paper placement.
Elisabeth, I have never thought of it that way before but YES my towels are your toilet paper! And you’re right, I don’t complain about it or even really think about it, I just refold. I mean, it takes like half a minute at most so really, is it a big deal?
I’m very, very curious to know which side of the great cilantro debate you are on, but I will not pry :-). Glad to hear you enjoyed the food when you visited Italy – I always was a bit meh about Italian food until I met my mother-in-law and then I understood that I really just didn’t care for AMERICAN Italian food!
Oh I’m happy to tell you! I love cilantro. My husband is one of those “it tastes like soap” people. So I have to keep it on the side when I make dishes with it.
Real Italian food is so amazing! It’s just so fresh and delicious. It’s magical!
Ha, I side with you on the tri-fold, but I am firmly in the “tastes like soap” camp! I’m very curious to know what it tastes like for people who enjoy it.
I often think about foods we’ve had on trips. Maybe they seem grand because we will never have them again? 🤔 Speaking of trips, I once mentioned to my doctor that I have trouble pooping on vacation and she told me that was totally normal. I think about that a lot, too 🤣🤣🤣
And kitchen towels do NOT get folded in our house. Hang that sucker fully open on the oven handle!
Bijoux, yes, I think that everyone has that problem on vacation!
Oh you have an interesting new contender – fully open!
You were right to “throw in the towel” on the towel disagreement. MY husband, God love him, couldn’t fold a towel if his life depended on it. I will wash the towels and fold them neatly. He will grab it; take a shower and throw it haphazardly over the bar and call it good – no actual attempt to fold it at all. But if he actually attempted to leave his underwear on the floor? Well, that would be that and we’d have a real problem.
Your husband is an untamed rebel in the towel department! I guess it’s better than ending up on the floor? I mean, imagine having to deal with underwear and towels on the floor!
YESSSS!!! We have a contender for Best Post of 2025.
At some point last year the Hubs and I realized that we were too much in fire fighting mode and not enough in fun mode, so we’ve been working on adding “us” time in addition to our “run around like chickens with our heads cut off” time. That’s where things like our biking projects and Seinfeld rewatch are coming from. He is a fun dude to hang out with.
Fortunately everyone in my house likes cilantro! That would be a hard one to work around, when we already have a severe spice tolerance difference.
I am the lone cilantro lover around here, Birchy. I am just a lonely gal. I keep it on the side and add it to my dishes.
It’s fun to realize that you can have fun with your husband! Or, to realize it again.
This was all DELIGHTFUL!
I fold towels in thirds for storage, but for hanging in the kitchen, it’s usually just stuffed any which way.
My uncle is a gastroenterologist and he always said to his kids (my cousins) to eat their vegetables, not to grow strong and healthy, but so that they would always be able to poop.
You’re wild, Diane!
Your uncle is RIGHT!
WHY KYRIA, WHY?
My mom used to fold towels in thirds, and I did that when I left home, and then once I was putting them in the cupboard and realized that they would fit better folded in half, and somehow that was me asserting my independence so now I can’t fold them in thirds ever again.
I once got a book for blog review called You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married. Eve was around ten, and she brought it in and read the title and then said “yeah. Because being married is…wrong.”
I so agree about having to create intentional connection. My husband is rarely in the same country right now, so I miss him when he’s away and then he gets home and it’s weird.
I feel so much better when I get a lot of fibre. I loved Raisin Bran when I was young – I still do but someone spoke disdainfully of the ‘sugar covered raisins’ and I just realized that put me off it, which is dumb. I’m going to buy some next time I buy groceries.
Oh! But Allison! I fold them in HALF to put in cupboards for exactly that reason. But I hang them in thirds. YOU CANNOT PUT A LABEL ON ME!
Hahahaha Eve. I mean, it makes sense.
Yes the raisins are sugar covered but they are so delicious and if they weren’t, maybe Raisin Bran would not be so awesome.
Haha, that Kermit gif is hilarious! Thanks for asking the question, Kyria… and yes, Nichole, I agree about the fiber intake. Having suffered constipation as a kid, I know how good a bowel movement feels. LOL
I love that you’re having ‘date nights’ with your husband where you make cocktails and talk. I am trying to get Jon into a “get coffee, walk + talk” habit this year, I hope.
I hope you can do that, San, I find it’s been really great for our marriage!
Lol Kyria’s question was appreciated by all it seems!
This is such a fun post! I love the idea of having cocktail hour with husband, although it may be awkward at first. the zookeeper analogy is a good one, and it is true that at that stage, marriage was 90% partner, 10% lovers. As they get older, the latter share increases and probably after 50 or 60s, more companionship.
I miss my fiber intake!!! I can notice the lack of it with my BM, but it’s hard to get the same amount of fiber when traveling and I don’t get to control my food.
Coco, you are exactly right! The percentages change, hopefully, as we go on in life.
Getting enough fibre while travelling is so difficult! I find that meals in restaurants are just not the same when it comes to the amount of veggies and fibre.
Oh man, you guys! I know you mothers have some good ones. I did not know that everyone would be so offended. All I know is that runners have a lot of good ones, and my Dad has a story about his friend who threw me up in the air when I was a baby with a full diaper. I won’t get into the details. Also I worked with an old Italian lady who was having some difficulty so her doctor gave her this white powder to stir into her drinks, and she went home to Italy and got pulled over at customs and searched because of her baggie of white powder! So there you go, two poop stories, rated PG.
I love your bar area. I thought I was going to try to be a cocktail person, but it turns out, I am not. I usually just drink wine, or beer if it is hot out, but having a weekly get together sounds like a great idea! Re the towels, we always folded them in thirds to put them away, but as far as hanging them, I think hanging them is good and I am happy; leaving them on the counter is annoying, and leaving them on the stove, tossed on the burner, is even more annoying. Wiping something up and then leaving the wet one squished up in a wudge on the counter is annoying. Hanging them is good, no matter how it is hung. But TP should be hung with the paper going over. 🙂
As you know I have no skin in the toilet paper game – couldn’t care less! But towels, this is where my neuroses lie, I guess. Just the thought of a wet on squished on the counter or OH MY GOD ON THE BURNER, WHAT IF THERE WAS A FIRE gave me the sweats!
I can hardly remember diaper stories at this point! I mean probably there were funny stories but it’s so far in the past. Look at all the conversation your controversial question generated! Now if we could combine the toilet paper dilemma with stories about defecation, how chatty we would all be!
Well we all need fiber, and we all need TP. Full stop.
So much juicy stuff here!! Oh man the Italy food – I am desperate to go back to Italy! I’m with you on the tri-fold towels. And that sweet owl towel is the best illustration. I love the “intentional connection”. It’s something you need to make a priority. We are in Mexico and walk literally everywhere. Everywhere. So it’s hours a day. We sometimes run out of things to talk about. And we have started playing Scrabble because I read it’s the best game to keep your brain sharp (he’s so worried about dementia). And of course since we are in Mexico there are a lot of cocktails. I always eat a lot of fibre, but prob not as much as you. However for bone density my naturopath added collagen & 5 prunes every day. Whoa Nellie…I had to cut it to 3 prunes and a different collagen without magnesium (which is also in my calcium). I was afraid to leave the house!
Towels belong in thirds. You fix his, does he come back and fix yours? Or does he not care enough about that?
i had to go look up that episode of SATC, and it seems the conversation is that Carrie is trying to explain why her relationship with Douche (Big) is bad by blaming Natasia for being boring. Hmm. I mean, Carrie is horrible in relationships, and Big is an ass, and I felt for them both many times. I loved SATC, I own the entire series on dvd. But yeah, problematic, and like you and everyone else, I wish I knew the argument.
The food looks amazing! I’m not sure what my favorite meal of 2024 was. Perhaps I have recency bias, but I really enjoyed our fancy lunch on NYE.
Oh, the poop talk. Hilarious. I will never share poop stories, but I agree wholeheartedly with your fiber discussion. SO important for so many reasons. My husband told me that one of his old coworkers said his favorite thing to do was have a good poop and then a nap. That’s fair.
Oh no, towels aren’t something he cares about so he’d never fix mine. I’m the weirdo here.
SATC – I loved it back in the day but wow, it’s problematic. Now that I’m thinking about it, didn’t Natasia fall down stairs and break something because of Carrie? It’s a fuzzy memory.
I think I can always rely on your posts for a giggle, but you certainly outdid yourself this time. We don’t have an oven handle now to hang towels on so I got Geoff to put some hooks up, so I will never have to think about how to fold towels. The only towels we could fold and hang are our bath towels but I want them to dry so no folding there. I think when I used to have an oven handle to hang towels on I hung them in half fold, sorry. This is probably the most I have thought about how to fold towels, except for folding towels for the linen cupboard, then of course it is in half long ways and then in three.
We fold towels for the linen cupboard in the exact same way! But I’m curious – I can’t picture an oven without a handle! How does the door open without a handle?
Ha ha, great answers. It’s true about fiber- people are so obsessed about protein all the time, when we really should be obsessed over fiber.
I side with you on the towels, and would go so far as to say that hand towels that have a design on them are MEANT to be folded in thirds. Your photos are the perfect example of this. Everyone else in my house carelessly folds towels in half, and I can’t tell you how many times, during the Christmas season, I went into the bathroom to see the hand towels proclaiming “JO.” No, no, no! Fold it in thirds so it says “JOY.” Sheesh.
Jenny, I have a similar towel that says JOY! Holiday towels definitely showcase why thirds are necessary.
I SAID THE SAME THING ABOUT PROTEIN AND FIBRE!!! We are on the same page girl!
I’m on your side about the towels! 😉 That SATC was one of my favourites of all time. I’m currently reading ‘Taste’ by Stanley Tucci where he talks about many Italian foods and restaurants and growing up Italian and what they ate. It’s a fun read! Also, your ‘intentional connection’ is for sure good for thought, so to speak. 😃
I barely got through this comment before going to the library website to put a hold on that book. YASSSS girl do I ever want to read that!
Am I the heathen here – I don’t fold my towels AT ALL. At least my kitchen towels. I just loop the whole thing over the oven handle so I can see the whole print. PLEASE STILL BE MY FRIEND.
I am very happy to be very regular and I don’t know if that’s because I get a ton of fiber in my diet or if I’m just genetically lucky in that regard. But I’m laughing at Kyria’s question. Trust a runner to ask a question like that!
Hahahah I know, it made me laugh too.
OF COURSE WE ARE STILL FRIENDS!
At least your husband ATTEMPTS to refold the kitchen towels; I generally find mine, crumpled in a ball on the counter. *sigh*
Laughing so hard at your big fight. HA.
Seeing your Meals From Italy, and now I’ve a hankering for Italian food.
COACH NO! NO! Lol, that’s why Bijoux posted a photo that was for the both of us. Monsters!