I remember exactly what I was doing when I realized it. I was on the couch, with two babies in my lap, watching Sesame Street. What you must remember is what Gen X mothers were like, back in the early 2000s. Our generational Meh Attitude completely morphed into something else when our babies were born. We became laser-focused on the task at hand, the task of raising our now Gen Z children to be future stars of the world, and screen time was not a part of that process.
At the time, the expert recommendation was no screen time at all for children under two, and so any time I collapsed on the couch with my one-year-old and my newborn, colicky baby, I felt a deep sense of guilt and wrong-doing. It would only be a few years later where small children would be pacified with iPads in the grocery store, in waiting rooms, in restaurants, but that was not part of my reality, not at all. My generation was the one with the Baby Einstein board books and activity toys, it was the generation that actually put thought into whether black-and-white toys were more intellectually stimulating than colourful ones, and screen time was akin to neglect at best.
But my god, I was tired. I was tired and lonely in only the way you can be when you are surrounded by crying, needy little beings all day long. Someone was always crying, it seemed, someone always needed something, and it took a solid two hours to prepare to leave the house. And so sometimes I would succumb to the siren song of PBS Kids and watch Sesame Street.
And it was then that I realized that I really identified with Bert.
It was a startling, St Paul on the road to Damascus feeling, akin to the day I realized I wasn’t Jo March, I was Amy, and I wasn’t Elizabeth Bennett, I was Charlotte Lucas. Sure, I don’t have a paperclip collection, nor an interest in pigeons, but I did show everyone I know the photo I took of a blue heron.
I would have liked to think I was a wildcard like Grover, or a good time like Ernie, or even a secretive, mysterious Snuffalupagus, but no. I’m Bert. I like the colour grey, particularly in clothing and home decor, I enjoy oatmeal very much, and, most of all, I love what other people might term Boring Stories.
During the pandemic, when I started posting all the books I read on Instagram, I received a nasty message from a woman who berated my literary choices. She had bought – bought! – several books that I had raved about, and was sorely disappointed in every last one of them. How could you even like these? she wrote. Literally nothing happens! They are the most boring books I’ve ever read in my life!
Well. If you know me at all you know I’m a big fan of character-driven literary fiction. It’s true, I don’t love a thick plot or a lot of action. One of my favourites is Diary of a Provincial Lady, and nothing at all does happen in that book. Literally, nothing.
The same is true in my choice of podcasts, and nowhere was this more apparent than when I was road tripping with my husband this past week. He likes Things To Happen, I don’t, and so we end up with a happy medium of comedy podcasts and celebrity interviews. A current favourite of mine is Cookbook Club, where the hosts sound like the Schweddy Balls ladies on SNL, and are apt to take a five-minute digression about rainbow sprinkles and whether white sprinkles should be included in a rainbow mix and should we all just create our own rainbow sprinkle mixes? If I were to play that in the car with my husband, he would be liable to drive us off a cliff just to end the suffering.
We did not drive off a cliff, obviously, but we did have poor driving conditions for at least seven of the nearly ten hours that we spent in the car on Tuesday. The least of it was rain; we also hit snow in Rogers’ Pass and through the Jasper Parkway, plus fog most of the way, but mostly in Saskatchewan Crossing.
We were visiting my parents; it was my dad’s 75th birthday, and so there was a nice big house party with my aunt, cousins, and uncle. I had a great time visiting, playing dice poker, eating and drinking. I also enjoyed the sunrises over the lake:
And of course, walking in the fall foliage.
Rex is a really great traveller, and was so well behaved when we stopped for an overnight with our friends in Calgary.
We came home on Saturday and although the conditions were better, the drive was so long and slow due to road construction and single lane traffic. The views made up for it though.
Even still, I am feeling slightly resentful having to get in the car after all that driving. The only thing I miss about Calgary, other than friends, is the ability to walk anywhere in my neighbourhood. I have to drive to walk the dog, and yesterday Rex and I were not super excited to get back into the Subaru.
Speaking of Calgary, we drove through that old neighbourhood, and I expected to be very emotional, but I was not moved at all. Did my soul leave my body without me knowing it? The old house looks the same, other than the garden being a shambles, but it wasn’t sad to me at all. I guess I’ve really moved on.
Weekly Reading
Speaking of boring books, I read some that were boring TO ME, and both of those were memoir. Typically I love memoir but these just did not hit. However, I read a really excellent novel this week, so I guess things even out.
On Being Human. As I was reading this, I kept thinking that this seemed familiar, this memoir of a yoga teacher who discovers that she has had lifelong hearing loss in adulthood. Well, I discovered the reason I found it so familiar: I read this in December 2019. Obviously it wasn’t all that memorable. I am kind of annoyed with myself for spending time reading this not once but twice. To be fair, I did enjoy reading about her childhood and yoga journey, but I was just not in the mood to read chapter after chapter of self-loathing, name-dropping, and her experiences with creating a brand via Facebook. Wow, was it repetitive. If I pick this up again in five years, thinking it looks interesting, please remind me to drop it.
Good Material. A stand-up comedian is going through a breakup, and it’s devastating to him. Suddenly he is an apartment-less, emotional wreck who discovers that being single and 35 is different than being single in his 20s. This book is written almost entirely from the male point of view, which is not usually something I read, but which was entertaining and very well written. The point of view switches near the end and really shows that there are two sides to every story, at the least. The book ends in January 2020, which is a really interesting choice by the author – we know that things are doomed, but our characters don’t. I really enjoyed this book, it is so well-written and uniquely thought out.
More Please. A couple of years ago I swore off millennial memoirs, on account of me being just a bit too old to appreciate them. This is a Me Thing, not a Them Thing – I’m just not in the right stage of life. However, I heard this woman speak on a podcast and was impressed enough to pick up her book – and I wish I hadn’t. It was so repetitive and boring, not saying anything new or interesting. The good news is that it only took me a couple of hours to read.
Before we left on our road trip, we took our annual family photo. It’s interesting; we are not a family who fights or bickers, but when it comes to family photos, we all suddenly hate each other. Historically, that is, because somehow we took the photo with absolutely no conflict whatsoever. It was a red-letter day. Anyway, this photo will be our Christmas card, and if you are a person who also likes to send Christmas cards, let me know, and I will add you to my list. Very important caveat: I am only interested in a Christmas card exchange; I get hurt feelings if I send a card and don’t get one back. If we exchanged cards last year, you are already on my list! If you’d like to be included, message me in the comments and we’ll exchange addresses. Have a beautiful week, everyone! xo
Yes yes yes. When my son was little, I had undiagnosed hypothyroidism and I would get SO TIRED in the afternoon- like, painfully tired. It was so awful, I don’t know how I got through it (eventually the problem was diagnosed and corrected with medication, hooray!) Anyway- when I look back on it now, I wonder why I didn’t just put on an episode of Bob the Builder and take a quick nap- it would have helped me SO MUCH. But, as you said, this was the generation where screens were to be avoided at all costs and I would have felt guilty. And, it’s funny you mention Bert- when we were little, my sister and I had Ernie and Bert puppets. I was DEFINITELY Bert and she was Ernie.
Your photos are amazing! As always, I love seeing Rex. You must walk around all day smiling and laughing, with him by your side.
Did we exchange cards last year? I feel bad that I don’t remember. I did send out a lot of cards! I’m going to check my list and make sure you’re on it.
Bob the Builder! My kids did like that, and Mighty Machines. That was a Canadian program, I think, and it was literally footage of different large machinery, with narration.
I think we did exchange cards, I will have to check my list but I’m pretty sure I got one with a cat with a Santa hat from you!
I DO walk around all day smiling and laughing with Rex!
I love it when the reader has information that the characters don’t have – such as the book with the January 2020 ending. It’s so satisfying.
Heck yeah I want a Christmas card and I agree to the terms and conditions of putting you on our list.
Let’s hear it for the boring things in life. I need to be in on a discussion on rainbow sprinkles – someone has to talk about this stuff!
All right, you are on the list!
It was such an interesting ending, I just loved thinking about the whole thing. It was a very unique book, I thought.
Noah was two and a half before we let him watch tv and that was back when I was teaching full time and papers to grade all the time. But by the time North came along, it seemed impossible to hold to that same standard because Noah was already watching and it was hard to keep North out of the room, so I just let it go, somewhat guiltily. BTW, the recommendations have not changed for under twos. I was researching it recently for a (work) blog post.
I feel we once had a family discussion about the white sprinkles in rainbow sprinkles once and North was adamant that they are the clouds.
Oh, that’s interesting the guidelines haven’t changed. I wonder what they are for the preschool set. It feels like preschoolers are often given phones/ iPads to keep them occupied in public places.
I like the idea that the white sprinkles are clouds!
Nicole, I love that you enjoy character driven books where nothing happens. Me too!!! I will be checking out that podcast, because I love nothing more than soft spoken people talking about sprinkles! I know that I also identify with Bert because I took an online quiz some time ago, and it said I’m a Bert. Those breathtaking views of the Canadian Rockies are so amazing. It’s like the Montana Rockies on steroids. We exchanged Christmas cards last year, and I definitely want to again this year!
Oh you are definitely on my list!
I think you’d love that podcast, it is so soothing and lovely. They alternate episodes between trying out recipes in a particular cookbook, and talking about general cooking things. It is just a delight.
I love and heartily agree: Very important caveat: I am only interested in a Christmas card exchange; I get hurt feelings if I send a card and don’t get one back.
I actually cull my list every year based on who I have not exchanged cards with or heard from over the last year or so. I don’t feel like I should always be the one to reach out or send stuff; it should be a give and take! However, they don’t have to send me a card, as I know some people are not really organized or mail people or whatever, but there has to be some sort of symbiotic relationship.
I think I am going to have to side with your hubby when it comes to needing action or an ending or a solution; I don’t really love things that just go on and don’t solve something or I do not learn something. I like things nicely wrapped up at the end! However, I do remember the schwetty ball ladies on SNL. Good times!
I know I am already on your list and am looking forward to seeing the happy family photo!
Yes you are on my list!
A few weeks ago Engie asked a would you rather: good story, bad writing, or bad story, good writing, and I would take the latter any day of the week. I don’t care as much about the story as I do about some beautiful prose. I hate bad writing! It makes even the best story tiresome to me.
I don’t mind white in the rainbow sprinkles. I know that there is no white in the actual rainbow, but white is cheerful and happy and fits the brief. Brown sprinkles, though? Get out of here. Like, who wants brown in your happy rainbow?!
I have started to cull my Christmas card list a bit, too, mostly because I send out TOO MANY. If you have not sent me a card in the last three years and I have not had contact with you, you will need get a card from me. That’s reasonable, right? I’m not being a jerk? I sort of feel like it makes me a jerk? What if they can’t afford to send cards? Or they’re disabled? Why do I worry about these things?
That is totally reasonable and you are not being a jerk. It should go both ways! And if someone is disabled, you would probably already know that and maybe make an exception. If they don’t have money to send cards, well, maybe receiving them makes them feel guilty for not reciprocating. So I say YOU GO AHEAD AND CROSS THOSE PEOPLE OFF YOUR LIST.
Are brown sprinkles in rainbow sprinkle mixes? That feels wrong indeed.
I don’t think you are being a jerk. There has to be give and take. Also, I always think, are they getting the cards? If I have not heard from them AT ALL in five years, I will assume they are not, and I will stop sending them.
I also trim my Christmas card mailing list based on who sends me cards in return. I’ve decided life is too short to write people who don’t write back (with the exception of one family member who sends zero cards out but is very busy and so I send a card because I know it is appreciated). Speaking of family, I think I am going to cross a few people off my list this year. They don’t send a card anymore and they’re not my favourite folks (even though they are family). And they live in America, so the stamps are NOT cheap.
Having small kids was the worst for me. Sure there were great moments, but it was absolutely exhausting and my body and mind were a wasteland. It was equal parts mindnumbingly boring and overstimulating. I love my kids to bits, but I am elated that I will never have a newborn or toddler again.
SNOW! SNOW! Nicole, I am simply not ready for snow!!
Oh goodness, I totally agree with you. I have crossed people off my list for those exact reasons – a card is an expense, both of money and time, and I feel like it has to go both ways.
Snow only in the mountain passes! Kelowna will be snow-free for a while!
Hooray for a family picture day free of conflict. It’s been 2 years since we took family photos and I still haven’t fully recovered from the dumpster fire that that experience was. The boys were so naughty and Phil didn’t want to have pictures taken in the first place. It was a real train wreck. Maybe by next fall I will have recovered enough to ask my cousin’s wife to take them again. She’s a delightful photographer and so easy to work with but gah, young kids + photos = disaster for us. So we’ll use candids for our holiday card, which is fine! And you are on my list so I should still be on yours!
I’m also a Bert! For the longest time I tried to fight against my nature which is to kind of like boring things. Now I embrace it. And I LOVE character-driven novels! I will read some plot-based stuff, but not very often. It’s fun once in awhile but give me a character driven novel where nothing really happens! But what a terribly rude comment from that person! Sheesh! In the words of Stephanie Tanner – HOW RUDE.
Woof, that sounds awful, Lisa. Since my youngest was about five, we’ve been doing our own photos with a tripod and camera timer, and mostly the photos turn out great, even if we all seem to want to murder each other.
You are definitely on my list! I seem to remember yours was one of the first I received last year!
I so identify with those early days of motherhood! I gave into TV too & my daughter seems to be doing pretty good, better than most. I’ probably an Ernie too-though I tend towards bright colors & floral prints. But I love a good character-driven novel. In fact, most of my stories are character driven. So keep those book reviews coming!
Love love LOVE the character-driven novel!!
I think our kids are great! Even if they did watch Sesame Street!
Oh yes, those early days of motherhood and fatigue and guilt. Ugh. I am with you, though — I also identify with Bert. I have a friend who loves nature and one of my favorite things is to walk with her because I can stop mid conversation and point at, like, a caterpillar on the ground, or ask her what type of flower that is or pause to open my bird ID app to listen to a bird, and she not only tolerates this behavior, she does it too. I have other friends with whom I WOULDN’T DARE.
Of course you had snow on your drive. SIGH. I’m glad you made it there and back safely and I hope it was wonderful. Also, YAY that you feel like you have moved on from your old home. That makes me feel very hopeful.
OMG there’s a bird ID app??? I need that for flowers as well. Is there a flower ID app?
“the ability to walk anywhere in my neighbourhood”
I felt that way when we moved here to suburbia and still have days when I sigh about how much I’d like to walk over to the grocery to pick up a few items, instead of drive there. However, if nothing else, I’m much more aware of where all the city and township parks are here. We adapt, eh?
We certainly do adapt, Ally. I used to be able to walk anywhere I needed to in about ten minutes, and now I have to drive. But I have a gorgeous view and garden, so it all evens out.
I a FOR SURE a Bert. We have very similar taste in books and podcasts.
We did not do screens under 2 (but, I mean, the little kids were, like, in a room with screens of course— they just weren’t babysat by them when they were bebes), and there is NOTHING like that late afternoon SAHM exhausted.
Sarah, do you listen to Forever 35? I think you would like it! It’s all about skincare and self care and I LOVE IT.
I stopped sending Christmas cards many years ago for this very reason. My goodness, how I love you.
I can’t believe the nerve of some people! I don’t understand why that woman felt the need to share her thoughts on books with you. 🙄
We also get along well as a family, but as soon as it’s time for a photo, all bets are off. Why is that?! 🤣
I have no idea why but I am buoyed by the idea that this isn’t just my family! What is it about a camera and a tripod that brings out everyone’s evil personalities?
Also – yes about the books. I mean, I definitely get to know a person’s taste before I take recommendations from them, and even then I USE THE LIBRARY!!! I’m certainly not shy about telling people what I like and don’t like.
Hello, fellow identifies-with-Bert! I had to laugh at your title — very clever!
I was very tired with one child so I don’t know how parents did with more. Mine was very high-need, needed to be carried/cuddled 24hrs a day and I practiced what was popular at that time: attached parenting. When my husband asked me if I wanted another child, I said no right away. A few years later when my son was older and not as high-need, we revisited our another child question, and I said no because I couldn’t imagine being back to that state of tiredness!
Snow already?? Ack! But definitely makes for very pretty views! I went with a former coworker to a Fall festival yesterday and it was 93 degrees! It was inland so it was much hotter. My husband is driving back from Las Vegas today where it was in the high 90s for the last few days, and it’s a high of 74 here today so I’m sure he’ll be very happy to be home!
Yes snow, but just in the mountain passes! It will be a while before Kelowna gets any. That said – 93 degrees! That’s pretty hot for October!
It’s a shame that young moms have to feel guilty in addition to all the hard things they are doing. Oh yes I felt guilty, and often turned the tv on then I felt guilty some more. But it’s just the hardest and loneliest job in the world! My kids are older- mid 30’s -40; when they were toddlers there were no devices to bring along. I remember standing in line at the grocery store or bank (as we often had to go in then!) trying to referee 4 kids – moms today don’t know how easy they have it!
Well, they say motherhood without guilt is…fatherhood! Lol, it’s true, it’s always the mother who gets the blame and guilt. Sometimes we need to just make our lives a little easier!
I was cracking up at your Bert descriptions. I grew up on Captain Kangaroo, so there was no way I was going to let my kids miss some good children’s programming. And I’m not ashamed to admit that we’d never have been able to conceive child #3 without that Barney VHS tape! Thanks, Barney!!!!
You and I tend to read the same books at nearly the same time. I just finished Good Material a few weeks ago. I didn’t care for it. I just didn’t like any of the characters. The book felt so negative and heavy and then when it ended right before the pandemic, I thought, “Well, no surprise there! This guy is just doomed.”
Who knew we’d be thanking Barney for allowing some sexytime? Not me, that’s for sure! I didn’t rely on Barney, but my husband and I were grateful for Mario Kart in the basement!
So funny we read the same book but had such a different experience!
That is a very good picture of a blue heron, and I too am interested in sprinkle-color discussion.
I have put Good Material on my library To Read list, which I am beginning to think I should have called my Nicole list.
Aww, I love it, thanks Swistle! Fellow Berts, unite.
I remember the Baby Einstein books and programs and the black and white colored toys. I lived for Sesame Street. It was my time to shower and clean the kitchen after breakfast. No regrets. My kids disliked it when I turned off the TV after SS, but I couldn’t deal with that whiney Caliou character. Also, Hi, Bert. It’s me, Ernie. hee hee.
The views are amazing, but the slowed-by-weather travels sound irritating. I’m glad you avoided the cooking podcasts and thus avoided being driven off a cliff.
Haha!
I don’t think my kids ever watched Calliou. I guess I dodged a bullet on that one!
Oh, Nicole! I remember those days with young kids and no TV! Nu got TV so seldom, that they would sit there with tears running down their face–not because they were sad, but because their eyes were watering as they DIDN”T WANT TO BLINK AND MISS A SINGLE MOMENT. I think that’s when we decided we’d need to make our own rules for our own kids.
(But have you noticed how peaceful it is in restaurants even with young kids nearby since all of them are zombie-fied on parents’ screens? I remember stocking up with all kinds of quiet distractions every time we went to a restaurant…)
Happy diamond birthday to your Dad! Your pictures from your visit to your parents’ place are so lovely! The sunrise over that lake! (I was not ready for stories and pictures of snow though! I wish you’d posted a Trigger Warning! J/K)
XOXO to you and Rex!
That totally reminds me of a friend who got her kid to “earn” screen time and then it got totally out of control, and the kid would never move from the screen because they had earned it, and it was a whole shemozzle. Well, parenting is a learning curve, I say. You’re right – we make our own rules for our own kids!
Presumably you know you better than I know you, but I just cannot get on board with you as Bert. You are not grumpy and inflexible. You are a way better dancer. Your eyebrows do not remotely resemble the Bert brows.
Who the hell buys books on someone else’s recommendation and then complains if they don’t like them? DUMB. I do like a thumping good read, but I also like plotless books with robust characterization. And I never NEVER blame someone else if I read a book they like and I don’t like it (although I do sometimes feel guilty if I recommend a book and someone doesn’t like it).
WHO BUYS BOOKS INDEED. Why not go to the library? Or maybe look up the description on goodreads and figure out if it might be something you like! Don’t spend $100 on books AND THEN BLAME ME, SHEESH.
When my son was born in 2008, we CANCELLED CABLE. We never had that TV on! I put it on to show him Charlie Brown specials (on DVD) and the first Obama inauguration (he was 6 months old LOL). That was in the days of Netflix coming in the mail and my husband and I would watch part of a movie after he was down for the night. Then Sesame Street came out with their Old School DVDs and all bets were off.
I would LOVE to exchange Christmas cards! I love reading about your Canadian life and about Rex and have been lurking forever. 🙂
I used to put on Mighty Machines DVDs and Richard Scarry as well – Busytown Action Mysteries! I liked the DVD because it was finite, unlike the Treehouse channel.
I’ll email you!