I am very accustomed to drawing a lot of attention on my daily walk, because I am accompanied by a living embodiment of a gigantic cartoon dog whose facial expression is exactly this for the duration:
Every day people pass me and actually laugh at him, in a good-natured, look at that silly dog kind of way. He’s a happy guy is something I hear many times a week. I am constantly being stopped and asked what breed he is, how much he weighs, what is his name, can they pet him.
So I’m used to attention and being stopped and spoken to, and therefore I thought nothing of it as a gentleman jogger approached me and started talking. He wanted to let me know that there was a vole on the path that didn’t seem to be moving. I was happy for this information so that I could be on guard. Last week on a walk Rex pounced into a garden full of daylilies and, startlingly, half-killed a small bird, leaving it flapping and bleeding on the sidewalk. It was, needless to say, very upsetting.
It reminded me of how Barkley, who looked exactly like a Gund stuffed animal, was actually a blood-thirsty killer. He once cornered and caught a squirrel and then tried to break its neck, he mangled a bird in our backyard that I THINK was already knocked out by hitting a window, but who knows, maybe Barkley was faster than I thought, and, unspeakably, ate an entire mouse, which I found out the hard way. Do not ask me what that hard way was, let us never speak of this again.
What I am saying is that I am no stranger to horror masked in furry adorableness.
I appreciated the public service announcement about the vole, not wanting another to deal with another harrowing Rex-versus-small-wildlife incident. Less appreciated was the way the man kept looking at my chest as if I was Marilyn Monroe reincarnated. I thanked him and went on my way.
It was so strange, every man who passed me kept glancing at my chest and then smiling at me. This would have been par for the course back in my youth; in those days, men had no compunction about ogling a young woman’s chest in a not-secret way, and also I was a lot more, shall we say, gifted back then. However, in the year of our lord 2024, I like to think that ogling isn’t the socially-sanctioned pastime it used to be, and also, the girls are not the glorious globes that they once were. Not to be too descriptive, but let’s think of semi-deflated water balloons, and you’ll probably have a good idea why I never go braless. Well, that and I can’t stand the feeling of being free and floppy.
On the way to the family reunion in August, we had stopped at my aunt’s house and I ended up visiting with one of my older cousins who I don’t see often at all. He told me that he had stopped using social media as his wife was worried about internet safety and stalking, to which I replied that I had reached a stage in life where I would be a little flattered to have a stalker. I was, of course, joking – NO ONE STALK ME PLEASE – but I thought of that as I walked with Rex, being the recipient of many chest-glances. I had this strange mix of what is with all these creepy perverts at 7:30 am and still got it, baby. As I have said many times before: life is a tapestry.
It wasn’t until I got back to my car and caught a glimpse at my reflection in the window when I remembered what tee I had pulled on that morning.
Well. That explained that.
It is widely believed that dogs react to the energy of the household and take on personality aspects of the owners, and I think that has been very true in my case with both Rex and Barkley. Those aspects do not, however, overpower their inherent nature, as evidenced by the fact that when opportunity strikes, they become killing machines disguised as fuzzy cutesters.
And for me, there is no overcoming my natural nerdy tendencies, particularly when it comes to announcing such tendencies to the world, and completely forgetting such announcements.
Weekly Reading
Speaking of (book) nerdy tendencies, I had a couple of interesting and thought-provoking reads this week. I have a lot to say, so buckle up!
Splinters: Another Kind of Love Story. About her best friend, the author of this memoir wrote: “It was that she felt, in certain ways, fatigued by our friendship. I was always in the midst of some dramatic transformation…I was always poised at the threshold of some major change, or reeling in its aftermath. She said ‘It gets exhausting.’” I feel like that summarizes my experience reading this book – which, I will hasten to add, is absolutely gorgeously written and completely compelling. But it is kind of exhausting and I feel like if I was this woman’s friend, I would feel similarly fatigued. The author is a sober alcoholic who essentially transfers her neediness and addictive behaviour to the care of her infant daughter. I mean, I feel for this child. I cannot imagine what her life is going to be like in the future. Anyway, the author separates from her husband, who, by the way, is a widower and still grieving his first wife and really, THIS IS A BAD IDEA. They were in couples therapy when they decided I know, let’s have a baby to fix this marriage, which, no no no no no. Surprise surprise, the marriage is in shambles, and the author rails against custody for him, not because he isn’t a caring father – he has a child from his first marriage who is mentioned only as a passing fact once – but because she doesn’t want her baby to be away from her. She doesn’t want her baby to have two homes. The description of her marriage reminds me of my theory that relationships between two creatives are usually doomed. I’m sure the blame goes both ways, there are two sides to every story and her ex does sound like a dreadful, angry man. But also? His first wife just died of cancer and he was writing a book about the experience while he was married to this author. SO MUCH TO UNPACK. Anyway, post-separation she very quickly becomes involved with a man who doesn’t believe in monogamy, but she can CHANGE HIM. Well, until he gives her chlamydia. Here is the PSA I will put into the world: girls, you will never change him. People are who they are, do not go into a relationship thinking well, I can fix that. It’s not fair to either party. This is such a chaotic memoir but who wants to read about a dull life? I couldn’t put this down, honestly, so well done, I guess? I applaud the author for her vulnerability and also her self-awareness. It takes a lot of bravery to paint such an unflattering portrait of oneself.
A History of Burning. CANADIAN AUTHOR ALERT! Wow, this is an absolutely incredible epic story of a family, spanning 1898 in India to 1992 in Canada. The family starts with a teenage boy living in poverty in India; he is promised a job and a better life, and ends up, unknowingly, getting on a rickety boat heading to what is now Kenya to build the railroad. He realizes the terrible things he needs to do just to survive and to find that better life, and he does them. He ends up in Uganda, where his family lives for seven decades before being ousted by Idi Amin’s rule. There they go to Canada, which ends up not to be the promised land for “their kind,” but they work to build that better life and community. It is devastatingly sad, heart-pumpingly terrifying, and incredibly touching story. It is so well done, so thoughtful, so perceptive, so eye-opening. There is a very interesting literary device: each chapter is told from the point of view of a different character, in the third person close, until about 2/3 of the way through the book, in which it switches to first person for one character only. This line near the end summarizes everything: “They left to keep their family whole, something their ancestors had understood. But this time, it was their choice…How sometimes, holding on required letting go.” Chills!
Speaking of letting go and nature versus nurture, this weekend I listened to a podcast about, of all things, Finding Nemo. It has been many, many years since I have seen that movie, but it was interesting to hear the discourse about parenting styles and anxious overparenting. I listened to this podcast just after I had been subjected to a very tiresome conversation about being a parent of adult children, and as I listened I couldn’t stop considering it. I think I have completely morphed, parenting-wise, into Crush the turtle. There was a Dory quote discussed a lot in the podcast: If nothing ever happens to him, then nothing will ever happen to him and here I am, quoting words of wisdom from a cartoon fish.
On that note, I hope you all have a wonderful week in which lovely things happen to all of you. xo
Young Sir Barkley certainly did look like a stuffed Gund animal, didn’t he? Thanks for the eye candy (Rex, Barkley, and you)!
_Splinters_ sounds like a dumpster fire I just couldn’t handle but _A History of Burning_ sounds just my thing, and I wish I could have taken credit for it when you asked me if I had recommended it, haha.
You are such a great parent, Nicole. Your kids seem such good people and capable adults and at least some of that must be from you.
I honestly thought it was you! And now I have no idea who to thank. Maybe it was a podcast? Anyway it is EXCELLENT. Five stars! Plus I love a Canadian author.
Thank you so much for your sweet words. xo
Hee hee, Rex! I’m glad you’re such a people person, because you definitely have an attention-grabbing dog. As introverted as I am, I think if I saw the two of you walking toward me I would break into a huge grin and say “Oh HI THERE!!!” Especially if you were wearing your Nerd Patrol shirt.
i love Finding Nemo! My favorite part is where they’re in the whale, and Dory is telling Marlin they have to let go- “Everything will be okay!” Marlin: “But how do you KNOW?” Dory: “I don’t!”
Splinters does sound kind of insane, but as you said, who wants to read about a dull life?
That’s such a great quote! I love Dory’s vibe.
For some reason my kids detest Finding Nemo (why?), and I haven’t seen the movie in years, but mostly I can’t believe it’s 21 years old?! Where did those two decades go? To me Finding Nemo is still a recent movie, but it’s not. Again, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??
It’s been so long since I saw it as well! I did see Finding Dory when it came out and it was extremely touching.
Our cats don’t go outside, but the next door neighbor’s cat left us a mouse head recently. I think it was meant as gift. He’s a friendly fellow.
That sounds like some heavy reading.
Ha! It’s a gift from one neighbour to the other!
HAHAHA. Nerd patrol. Obviously, you DO still got it — but I’m pleased that you are not actually living among so many perverts.
Your dogs are THE CUTEST. Look at Barkley. He would NEVER dismember a mouse or throttle a squirrel! Never! And Rex does have the power to improve my mood just by looking at a photo of him. I can only imagine the magic he contains in person.
He’s pretty magical! It’s hard not to feel joyful around him!
I know of at least 2 couples that decided to have another child, thinking it would save the marriage and I want to say – HOW DID YOU THINK THIS WAS GOING TO WORK?? (Neither marriage survived.) If a couple hadn’t had children, I can see how they might think this will save their sinking ship (although did they talk to anyone with young children?). But wow, they must have experience a different version of parenting if they thought it would make them closer/help them overcome challenges in their marriage! *steps off soapbox*
That is too funny about your t-shirt attracting attention! But I am glad you weren’t encountering a bunch of pervs on your morning walk! My chest has never been noteworthy, even in my youth so now it’s extra sad. The deflated balloon description sure is accurate.
Now I need to know more about this tiresome conversation about parenting adult children! I feel like the people I know with adult children (I don’t know many TBH) is very positive and “gosh they are fun and I miss them but am also excited to see them come into their own.” Since it was a tiresome convo I’m going to assume there was a lot of complaining.
HOO BOY on the “baby saving the marriage” thing – what a sad thing, honestly. And the poor baby! It didn’t ask for that. Also, I can’t think of anything that strains a marriage more than having really young children and all that goes with it. It’s like Catherine Newman said, it’s like a couple becomes friendly coworking zookeepers.
I cannot say more about that conversation publicly, but yes, it was a tiresome thing! I love having adult children, btw, and if they are happy, I’m happy, you know?
Rex does have a great smile! You made me nervous when you wrote about that man approaching you about the vole. I won’t walk alone in the parks anymore, as there are so many weirdos. Glad you’re patrolling for nerds. I feel safer.🤣
Sorry to make you nervous! It’s very safe, the walking path is wide and there are always lots of people. Plus, anyone nefarious probably WOULDN’T approach me with such a big dog!
Almost every morning I walk Hannah with a tshirt that says “Loves Animals, Tolerates Humans” and I don’t think anything of it until someone says “I love your shirt” to me and Hannah loses her little doggy mind because someone dared to talk to her human. So, yeah, I guess people are trying to read shirts.
ALSO, ZELDA IS A FILTHY MURDERER. She looks so sweet and innocent and fluffy, but she’s DANGEROUS. The less we say about this, the better.
Hahahaha Hannah and Rex could not be less alike in that respect! Rex is like “MORE PEOPLE YESSSS” whenever someone talks to me!
Oh Zelda! Oh Zelda!
I love that shirt! If I’d seen you, I definitely would have told you so. 🖤
Our beloved dog Buddy and my parents’ cherished dog Tink (may she rest in peace) once murdered a bunny in our backyard. It felt like a crime scene for a while! I felt just as you did—how could our sweet pups do something like this to another animal? In our own yard, no less? 🤣
As for parents of adult children, I’d absolutely love to see you write a post on that topic. (Rubs hands together). That’s a good quote.
It’s a tricky topic! But I could try. I mean, it’s not tricky from MY perspective, but hard to keep up with the whole “privacy” thing, you know?
Hahahaha that shirt! I still remember the horror that ensued when our childhood basset hound (who loved to chase birds– it was hilarious because he was so fat and slow and had the shortest legs) caught a bird because the poor thing got stuck in our chain link fence. SO MANY FEATHERS. THE BLOOD. Omg.
That was probably the best day of its life lololosob
Love that shirt and yes I’m sure you’ve still got it! Judging from the recent pics you posted when someone commented about your still great rack! My brother used to have a feisty little Jack Russell Terrier; cute dog but man was she a hunter. Possums, entire families of rabbits and once a racoon that was at least twice her size.
Hahahaha it’s not so much “good rack” as “good bra with lots of structural engineering.”
Jack Russells – those dogs have crazy energy!
NICOLE. I feel as if you and I have a pretty wide book overlap, but I don’t know if we have tested it the other way: that is, I pretty routinely add books you recommend to my reading list and can be reasonably certain I’ll like them—but I DON’T know if YOU tend to like the books I recommend! So I don’t know if I should be rushing to recommend a book to you, but here I am, just in case: Margo’s Got Money Troubles, by Rufi Thorpe. It did not seem like my kind of book, and was recommended to me by someone with whom I have VERY LITTLE overlap (she likes thrillers with titles like The Neighbor and The Mother-in-Law, and also romances), and so I tried it with very low expectations, which of course contributes. But it was extremely my kind of book, and now I am curious to know if it would ALSO be your kind of book. It could fall well outside the overlap!
Swistle! I am on the hold list for that book – I hope to get it soon! I love that we have book overlap – I will report back when I read Margo.
Rex is such a cutie, and I know if I saw you out on a walk, it would be the highlight of my day! But yes, animals live in a vicious world of murder and mayhem, and it’s always surprising when that side comes out. They don’t even seem to feel bad about it! 🤣
On the contrary, they seem VERY proud!!!
Wait, why don’t I have a Nerd Patrol shirt??? Note to self: do something about this.
Stepdog took out a couple of chipmunks, and Doggo got her first hit when a mouse ran out in front of her on a walk. I don’t think she killed it but she got a bite. Yep, our loveballs are very cute killing machines when they have the chance.
You must get a matching tee. My husband gave it to me like ten years ago but I bet you could get one now!
I am laughing at your tee-shirt story. I have a friend with breasts, and I personally do not have breasts. She used to tell me that she never wore shirts with logos on them because people would always stare at her breasts. I had to tell her that (a) I’d never even considered that and (b) I don’t think anyone had ever started at my (non) breasts. So I am not sure I would have even noticed! My torso is invisible to men. 😁
I can totally relate to your friend!!
It’s so shocking when our pets start killing the wildlife. doubly so because they are usually slow and pampered, well I know mine is. Our dog Riley prances along the street when we go out and when he is at the dog park he has to visit every owner to say high and get a pat. He will usually sit next to some random stranger waiting for them to pay attention to him. I’m sure he would have no hestiation gonig home with a stranger.
I was very glad when you revealed your T-shirt … the alternative of all those perverts in your area was alarming.
Hahahaha normally I walk and chat with everyone but have never had so much, um, chest looking?
It is shocking, because our dogs live such pampered lives for sure!
In a rare moment of clarity on my run this morning, I realized that I never commented here. This happens sometimes when I read blogs while feeding a baby a bottle. 😉
Barkley as a Gund stuffed animal. Aw. I can totally understand how people must remark on Rexburg when they pass him. A whole mouse? Yikes. My sis worked for our neighbor who was a vet when we were kids. She refilled his truck with meds and developed his xrays and fed his cat. The cat thanked us by killing mice and leaving them on our side door entrance. Never speak of this again cracked me up. Goodness the woman who wrote the memoir- it sounds like a train wreck. Not sure i could read that without feeling frustrated.
Hahaha the cat was just expressing its appreciation! Cats are probably befuddled that no one is excited about dead mice as they are.
I wish you could have heard my belly laugh when I saw your T-shirt! Hilarious. I’m so happy to know that not all men in your area are morning-time-perverts.
Dogs are so cute and so special, but they can also be so gross. They put everything in their mouths. I often find myself saying to mine: “YOU ARE ANIMALS”
And they just agree with me.
Yes, it IS nice that not everyone is a gross pervert!
Hi, Nicole, I thought of you this morning when another blogger mentioned how much she was enjoying a novel called Bear. I thought “OH MY WORD, I did not see that coming from this person.” Different author from the one you blogged about so memorably (Julia Phillips, never heard of her), so presumably less interspecies weirdness? One can hope?
I just started a book called I Hope This Finds You Well that’s set in Calgary. I’m not very far in, but the combination of setting + memorable central character made me think it might be up your alley.
Oh Jamie! First of all, I laughed that “Bear” reminded me of you. Bear porn! Funnily enough we are having the usual fall bear problem right now. Maybe I should entice them for a sexy relationship?
I hadn’t heard of that book but I have immediately put it on hold at the library!
“…when opportunity strikes, they become killing machines disguised as fuzzy cutesters.” That’s a perfect description of dogs. I like them but also respect their ability to go full on wolf. I’m entertained knowing that you’ve quoted a cartoon fish because why not!
Dogs are just one step away from wolves, after all!
So many people prefer to be braless, so I am THRILLED to hear of another woman who does not like to be ‘free and floppy’. I sleep in a t-shirt with a built in bra, that’s how much I dislike the flopping.
Sigh on animals and their murderous tendencies. Mulder never caught anything bigger than a bug, thankfully, but he tortured it mercilessly, as though he were a cat. He’d take it into his mouth, feel it crawling there, freak out and spit it out, then start over again. My daughter finally got involved and took it away. She said it was a war crime.
That memoir sounds like A LOT. I mean, they were in couples counseling, and decided to have a baby in order to fix their marriage? I’m ASSUMING they did not discuss this with their therapist.
The India –> Canada book…my husband’s family left India in what may be the same way. One of his ancestors, several generations back, was on a pilgrimage with 2 of her kids. Someone convinced her that their boat could get her to her destination more quickly, and they gave her a ride. And that’s it. She never saw her family again, and I’m sure they wondered where she went. Can you imagine? She was brought to South America, to Guyana, and put into indentured servitude. The family was there for I’m not sure how many generations…3? 4? Maybe even 5? My husband’s parents left Guyana in the mid 1960s, because Guyana was going through a revolution, and things were getting dicey. They went to visit Canada, and because both were commonwealth countries, and my FIL was an eye surgeon, they were invited to stay. They stayed there until the immigration policies in the US changed, when they moved to California.
J, me too! I wear a soft “sleep bra” to bed. I just cannot stand to be braless.
That’s so sad about your husband’s family. Imagine never seeing your family again! What a sad thing.
My dog Charlie also is the sweetest thing, yet I am 100% sure he would probably accidentally kill a squirrel/ mouse/bird/ what have you if he got the chance. He has to put EVERYTHING in his mouth. (He is a toy poodle mix and apparently poodles were bred as hunting dogs, so, I guess genetically it does make sense…). It has been tricky to walk him after dark this summer because where we live, near several ponds, all these little toads come out after dark. And every time he sees one, he tries to get them! I have to wear a headlamp and really watch for them because ew, I don’t want to pull a half eaten toad from his mouth.
LOL about your shirt. I was waiting to see what was going to be wrong with your chest. Ha. I thought maybe food dribbled down your shirt? Or a zip pullover accidentally pulled to far down…. hahaha. At least yours didn’t involve any actual indecency, hehe.
Oh toads! Yikes – that is not something you want to pull out of a dog’s mouth. So slimy, so easily squashed.
That shirt is everything (and definitely worth a glance to the chest region), HEHEHE. I love Rex and his smiley, innocent face (and I also adored Barkley).