After the neighbourhood started locking up their garbage in the spring, we hadn’t seen any signs of our resident bears until about a month ago. All of the ripening fruit around here was beckoning the bears with their fruity siren songs. Three weeks ago, my mother-in-law was sending me text after text, updating me on the sightings on our road; first the mama bear and her THREE cubs were in her friend’s fruit trees, then they were in another neighbour’s raspberry bushes, and then, finally, she spotted them herself, hanging out by our machinery shed. Later that night the bears pawed through our recycling bin, which was probably as disappointing to them as it was upsetting to me. The claw marks that they left on our bins were, to say the least, alarming.
I am relaying this very calmly, but I was not feeling very calm. I was very, very worried on behalf of Rex and all the myriad neighbourhood dogs, should they have a Close Encounter of the Bear Kind. In fact, a few weeks back Rex and I were headed to the garden and he took off at full speed. Typically this means he’s chasing off a deer or a squirrel or even a flock of birds, but as I saw a fuzzy brown bum disappear through the grape vines and down towards the hay fields below, I knew. My mother-in-law told me no, it surely must have been a deer, but I knew. I knew. And I was worried because although he’s proven he won’t go near a full-grown bear, the cubs are very small, and hence chaseable, for this time of year. I don’t think they are any bigger than Rex himself.
I was anxious and worried every time I let Rex out of the house or left the house myself. I’d scan the yard from every angle, I’d arm myself with the flashlight if it was dark, and my husband kept our bear-scaring noise-making gun loaded and our bear spray nearby.
I was writing in the office when my husband asked me to come look out our bedroom window.
There they were, snacking away at the grapes.
Something happened at that moment. I realized the bears are not here to terrorize me. This isn’t the 1976 film Grizzly. They are just trying to prepare for winter, they are trying to survive; which, by looking at those skinny tiny cubs, feels unlikely right now. They are eating the fruit and when the fruit is gone, they’ll move on, I thought, and that is exactly what happened. The fruit has been picked and/ or eaten, and the bears are no longer en evidence.
But in that moment, looking at those cubs, I felt an immense peace settle over me. It was a perfect example of changing my attitude when the circumstances were not in my control. Honestly, I felt at that moment like I could be a motivational speaker.
Literally nothing changed, except my feelings about the bears. I still scan the yard, I still take out the flashlight, I still watch and listen carefully, but I no longer feel anxious or even upset about it. They are just doing what they naturally need to do, and we can coexist.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not stupidly thinking that these bears are my friends or my pets or – if we go back to 1976 and the Governor General award-winning book Bear – my lovers. But I probably won’t see them until next spring, and I have a feeling that I won’t see those cubs again at all.
Weekly Reading
The unofficial theme this week is Unstable and Chaotic Women.
All Fours. Listen, there’s the usual chaos that surrounds perimenopause, and then there’s completely going bananas. When I put this on hold a few months ago, I saw a five-star review that simply said “middle-aged women going insane is my favourite genre” and I think “middle-aged woman going insane” pretty much describes this book. Wow, is it wild. IS IT WILD. A podcast was discussing it; one of the hosts had not finished, and the other said “have you got to the weird part yet?” and after reading this, I can say “what weird part?” THE WHOLE THING IS THE WEIRD PART. It is absolutely bonkers and I really enjoyed it BUT here is a warning for anyone who is sensitive in a totally normal way – this is very graphic, and very crazy, and it totally made me think of that woman who wrote a book about her open marriage and who recommended a waterproof dog blanket for a “sex blanket” as it was wipeable, for all the fluids. There are a lot of fluids in this book. So it’s about a woman’s journey into her own sexuality, gender, marriage, and kind of everything else? But it’s also really symbolic and pretty in-depth about women’s lives, expectations, and roles in society. The insights about being a woman in midlife, with all the power and all the invisibility and all the expectations, are spot on. It is also really, really funny. As an example: she is filming herself doing what can only be described as a mating dance, and she carefully buttons up a blouse and tucks it into giant beige panties, pulling the shirt hem through the leg holes. She looks at herself and thinks “this is a new outfit he’s never seen before.” I MEAN. I would not recommend this to anyone who has any kind of squeamishness about…kind of anything sexual, but also about open marriages and infidelity, and also, weirdly, dog poop? But I have to say I could not stop reading it and while I am generally a squeamish person, particularly about fecal matter – who isn’t, really – I did really enjoy this. But then, I like the kinds of books that have a lot of metaphors and symbolism.
Same As It Ever Was. It takes massive talent to create a such an incredible character arc and redemption story; it takes so much talent to write such a compelling book with such an unlikeable protagonist. I spent the first half of this 500 page book strongly disliking and being frustrated by the main character; it took until the halfway point when I could see a complex backstory that was breathtaking. When I say “frustrated,” I mean that I passionately wanted to shake this woman by the shoulders and tell her to pull herself together, for the love of god. Her behaviour was absurd to me, and incredibly unrelatable. But then! Then we are introduced to her mother and wow, this mother makes all other mothers look like Mother Mary. This woman is one of the meanest women in literature – and yet, the backstory is woven in so cleverly that you can’t help but feel a bit of pity for her. This is such a complex family story about mothers and daughters, about marriage and aging, and about friendship. It’s beautifully written and so satisfying.
We are heading out on a road trip this week! Not an All Fours type of road trip – I hope, dear god, I hope – but a fun time nonetheless. I will catch up with you all when I’m back, and in the meantime, please enjoy these lovely photos from our beautiful, currently bear-free, home base. Don’t be deceived by appearances: the creek is gorgeous right now, but incredibly stinky. It’s Salmon Spawning and Subsequent Death season, and the creek is full of dead salmon. Alarmingly, every once in a while there will be a decaying salmon on the walking path and I’m just not sure of the logistics. I’m surprised I haven’t seen the bears down there, snacking, but I guess they don’t like already-dead fish. xo
Oh, Nicole–the calm that descended on me as you talked about the shift in your attitude about the bears! (It was a bit like how I felt when Nu framed our snake as just going about its life outside where it was supposed to be…) But please continue to be alert and safe, friend.
I really need to get my hands on that Claire Lombardo book, because so many people I trust about books have been raving about it. I’m going to find it next actually!
Have a lovely time on your road trip <3.
Oh, I’m definitely alert, but so much less anxious than I was!
You’re getting some great bear photos – they are awfully cute, aren’t they? I love your new outlook about bears, but yes, it’s best to stay vigilant and especially not to get between mama and babies! When I was in high school, I was walking in the woods with my parents, and a bear ran across the trail. It didn’t stop or do anything scary, yet my legs just collapsed, it scared me so badly!
I hope you have a fun road trip!
Oh I would have collapsed too! The cubs are small and cute but the adult ones are huge and those claw marks on my recycle bin! They make me feel a bit faint, actually. Definitely staying vigilant over here!
I’ve always heard that bears aren’t really dangerous to people (other than grizzly bears.) So I’m very glad you’ve made your peace with them! I think if I were in your shoes I would be more worried about Rex than anything else- but you’re taking precautions (and honestly, the bears would probably be afraid of him.) Also, now that the bears have finished your grapes, you may not see them again.
Ha, All Fours sound wild- I can see how you would either love it or hate it. The Claire Lombardo sounds good!
Enjoy your trip!!!
Grizzlies are terrifying and I’ve seen a few from a distance, in the mountains. But I think the black bears around here are just doing their thing – although I do worry about Rex!
I’m glad you’ve found some zen with the bears. You get up close and personal with nature where you are, which has its ups and downs, I guess. You and Rex stay safe.
I heard the author of All Fours interviewed on a podcast, too. It was Death, Sex, and Money. I may put it on my list.
We are DEFINITELY up close and personal!
I am going to download that podcast. I am so curious about the author – I read that this book was “most similar” to her own life, which, whoa nelly.
Oof, seeing a bear up close is a terrifying thing! I am glad you’ve found your peace with the situation. The baby bear is incredibly cute, though!!!
I was listening to a patreon podcast where an indie book store picks out 5 books each month – All Fours was one of the books they suggested. When the hosts started to describe it, I added it to my libby hold list, but by the end of the their discussion of the book I was like – NOPE, NOT FOR ME!! It does sound very intriguing but I know I’m not the right reader for the book.
I also enjoyed Same As It Ever Was (although that title is so forgettable that I had to scroll up to remind myself of the title…). I had similar thoughts about the protagonist. It was hard to see her sabotaging herself the way she did. Like pull it together, girl. But then you see some of the why behind her decisions. Right now I’m reading “Wellness” which is a book I had on my hold list, then removed, then added back because a good friend enthusiastically recommended it to me. I know you’ve read it and overall I would say it’s “fine” – it could have been great if it was 200 pages shorter (I know you felt similarly). Where is the editor in the process! Sheesh.
I just had a roller coaster reaction reading this. When you said you added it to your list I almost dropped everything to text you – and then saw that you didn’t. While I was reading it I thought several times “must tell Lisa not to read this.”
I liked how nuanced the characterizations were, with the backstories. The mother was the meanest character ever, but then when the big reveal about the backstory came up, I thought…well…I mean, I can see being bitter here.
I agree wholeheartedly with Wellness. It was fine! But omg so long. It needed an editor.
I am also puzzled by the bears’ disdain of the salmon? FREE FISH??? But I love your description of your mental shift over the bears’ presence near you. It’s such a complicated thing, sharing resources with wild animals. It’s a delicate balance, right?, between continuing to live your life while also not habituating the bears to humans or human food. Ugh.
Also I am taking a deep cleansing breath over all the text messages from your MIL. Like, what a kind and thoughtful thing for her to do, to alert you to the movement of the bears! But also. Regular panicked texts from a MIL are some kind of thing.
I have the Lombardo on my holds list at the library, but I am undecided on All Fours. I am not particularly squeamish, but it does seem a bit much?
Have a wonderful trip, Nicole!
Hahaha yes, exactly, I want to be kept in the loop for sure but also? That wasn’t helping my anxiety levels.
It is so complicated, living around wild animals. I mean, they have to go somewhere! They have to survive too. But also, it’s kind of unsettling.
I hope the bears are gone! But also, am glad for the reframing (as long as reframings do not cause us to let our guard down in a way that is likely to be lethal, I love it when we can see something differently in such a way that it dissolves a lot of the anxiety we’re having around it).
That is *fascinating* as a book genre – and also reminds me, by reverse, of the book “Mother went Mad on Monday” which is a 1944(?) book about… a woman finally going sane, basically, proooobably in the general neighborhood of perimenopause. (she sets boundaries! And stops doing pointless things she doesn’t enjoy! And stops enabling all sorts of toxic behavior within her family and larger circles!)
But also, of course, her family thinks she’s crazy. It is mostly written as comedy but also is sometimes tooth-gnashing, because family/community gender expectations are wild and also still a thing (what *does* “being a good mother” mean in terms of daily make-things-easy-for-the-rest-of-the-family thankless tasks, etc.).
Anyway, it is available for free on the Internet Archive if it sounds like your jam [it is 100% not a recent book, and, as stated, is not about a woman going insane, so I have doubts]: https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.76074/page/n9/mode/2up
(revision: only the first bit of the book is about the mother, sigh. But that first bit *is* a rather glorious revolution.)
It 100% sounds like my jam! I am going to read that for sure. It sounds like I would love that. Thanks so much for the recommendation, KC!
I am thinking that maybe the logistics of the salmon are…turkey vultures. They seem to be everywhere and eat everything! However, until then, I can only imagine how bad the rotting salmon must smell! When I am riding, I can smell a dead animal a mile away; okay, maybe not a literal mile, but I can definitely tell when there is something on the verge or coming up along the road.
I have All Fours on my holds list, thanks to you. When I saw your IG post and your comments on Birchie’s (?) post, I knew that I had to check it out, even if it is disturbing. I will report back.
Poor bears; that cub does look awfully skinny! I wonder how many calories they need. Actually, wonder no more; I just Googled it and it is 20,000 per day!! Yikes. When I was racing and burning about 6,000 per day, I had a lot of trouble trying to eat enough to satisfy my hunger, so I cannot imagine trying to eat 20,000 calories a day, especially when it is mostly berries and fruit. Imagine the number of grubs that must be. Never mind; I just Googled it and a 20 gram serving of Witchetty grubs contains 71 calories! That is a lot of work to stay alive.
You won’t be disturbed! I think you’ll get a few chuckles out of it. My only peeve is that I felt like the takeaway message was “it sucks to be a middle aged woman”. We’ll have to have an off line CBBC to discuss…although it’s fading pretty fast in my memory so the discussion will be you and Nicole reminding me what happened.
I agree, Birchy, I didn’t like the whole thing about what it’s like to get older, it wasn’t exactly uplifting.
I know! They are working so hard just to make it through the winter!
I haven’t seen turkey vultures in the water but I do see a lot of eagles and hawks, so maybe that’s it? It’s pretty gross, whatever avion carrier.
Okay ladies, I will report back after reading! I mean, dog poop, tampons and dancing in my panties in a hotel room? I am intrigued.
Bears can be very scary, but the picture of that tiny bear was quite cute! I’m not sure I could read the All Fours book, it would probably be a bit too much for me? Although it sounds quite fascinating… I’m putting the other one on my tbr though!
It was prettttty crazy, honestly. It was a wild ride and so far from my own life that I enjoyed it!
You read All Fours! That was such an odd book, I liked it and also didn’t like reading it? I can handle the weird sex stuff but nope nope nope to the dog poop scene. I also enjoyed the fact that someone wrote a strange book and got it published (well, a notable person with some clout already), it really stands out from the ho-hum books out there. Honestly the thing that made me “ick” the most was the amount of money she spent on that hotel room!
I felt the same way! And the hotel room was a wild detail. Although I did just order my next shampoo to be tonka bean scented, so I’ll report back. Hopefully it doesn’t make me go insane and redecorate a hotel room while wearing giant panties and filming myself dancing for IG.
The DOG POOP but also the tampon!
The bears – wow. We were so excited to see bears when visiting National Parks, but in my own backyard would be a different story. I’m glad that knowing they are hanging around for the fruit has given you a less frightened approach to them. I hope sweet Rex doesn’t decide to chase a bear cub.
That All Fours book is definitely not for me. I’ll count that one as one that you read so that I don’t have to. Ha.
Enjoy your road trip.
Too late, he already chased one! Thank goodness mama bear was not around.
I’m here to serve and to read all the disturbing books!
Living in bear country certainly has its pluses and minuses, I imagine — but I was glad to see that you made peace with the bad part. When we went to Alaska in 2016, I wanted to see bears in the wild so we took an excursion where we took a floatplane so we could watch bears fishing! It was such an incredible sight — bears in their natural habitat doing what they do….standing in water and catching spawning salmon and eating them, right there and then. Some bears went to a rock to eat their catch and some just stood there and took bites out of their fish then grabbed some more. We were in a blind so we don’t disturb them but a baby bear came and took a peek at us! I was face to face with the baby — and he looked so perplexed, probably wondering why we look so different! LOL Our tour guide said it was probably 2yrs old, newly separated from its mama and still learning (need to learn to stay away from people). Sorry for that long comment/story!
I want to read the 2 books you read!! Thanks for the recs!
Oh wow, what an experience that would be! What a cool trip, M! My husband and sons have been to Alaska and they didn’t see any bears – but we saw them frequently when we’d be hiking in the Rockies. And now, of course, here!
I cannot even imagine the stress of having pets with bears around. Stay safe, entire Boyhouse family!
I just had a string of two books I DNFed because the main characters were irresponsible and did not have their shit together and I just could not with them anymore. I don’t know how you wade through these books and don’t end up screaming into the void.
Hahaha! I’m pretty sure these books are not for you, Engie. I did like the writing and I was compelled to keep going! But the mains were hot messes, omg, in the Lombardo book the main character was so frustrating for the first half! Then things were explained a lot.
I must confess that as soon as I saw the title, my mind immediately went to the book Bear. It’s a book that I have never read…and will never forget thanks to your description. Let alone the trilogy of the doorknob and balloon animal book.
If there were bears here of course it would freak me out to no end that Doggo would encounter one…oh wait we have coyotes so there are big bad things out there that are outside of my control. Ima take a break to get some puppy snuggles.
PS Happy Road Tripping! Have fun!
I live but to serve and to read all the weird erotica! The Door was probably my favourite though. The sentient door! The doorknob!
That first photo of the bear standing up? It makes me laugh! I imagine the dorkiest voice of the bear talking to himself.🤣🤣 But yeah, in real life, not so funny. I’m glad you made peace with the situation. Do you guys not use the grapes?
I loved both of Claire Lombardo’s books. She has the best characterization of any author. I am currently reading I Capture the Castle and wondering where the hell I’ve been that I’d never heard of it before your blog?
We are surrounded by grapes, some are ours, some belong to the winery, and the ones the bears were eating belong to a neighbour, although they are on our property line. It’s complicated!
That bear does look like a total dork! “There’s no food in here!”
Thank you for the zen bear talk! I’m not sure how you knew I needed it. ❤️
It is absolutely beautiful there.
I’m also reading Same As It Ever Was, but I read incredibly slowly, so I’m looking forward to feeling all the feelings. 😊
Thank you so much Kari! Tell me when you’ve finished so we can discuss!
Definitely!
Enjoy your getaway sans bears, cute as they may be in photos. Sounds like you’re off on a fun adventure.
Thanks so much Ally! And they are cute…from a distance!
Love this reframe and am also VERY GLAD you are currently bear free!
Girl, you and me both!
“Fuzzy brown bum” hee hee. Does Rex have good recall? Lucy would be a total loss, although she’d probably be too small for the bear to see, so there’s that. I hope the little cubs get fatter!
The dog poop isn’t… like… part of the sexy times, is it? Otherwise I think I’d be good.
Rex does have great recall! But still!
The dog poop isn’t about the sex but it is about finding a deeper connection in her marriage, which, well.
The bear situation would definitely stress me out, but you are dealing with it with such grace.
Oh all fours, it’s a weird/wild book that I read it but didn’t enjoy it. It’s just off the second part of the book.
Enjoy your road trip, sounds lovely already given the pics.
It’s such a crazy book! I did enjoy it but maybe because it was so far off anything relatable in my life!
Having the right attitude about the bears is everything. You are right, they are just trying survive which is different than terrorize. We have a lot of them in GA and I’ve not encountered one while with my dogs, but I know it will happen. I do keep them on leashes because my little bitches can’t be trusted.
I bet the salmon carcass’s are moved around by birds or other animals. But ughh….I can’t imagine the smell of decaying fish.
What a great moment of bear zen. I guess that’s it, right – they’re not out to get you. Did you ever read The Grizzly when you were growing up? I remember reading it in Grade 6 – it’s about a boy who goes off in the woods on a trip with his estranged father and his dad gets mauled by a bear and they’re stranded in the woods. It’s quite horrific, actually. Why was this book in the curriculum???? Boy in wilderness seems to be a theme of books in the 70s and 80s, I guess. Where are the Girl in wilderness books?
I hope you are having a lovely road trip!
Ah dying salmon season… H’s family has a cabin next to a river where this happens every year. I had no experience with this the first time we went around this time of year and I was . . . surprised. I prefer going other times of the year even though the rest of nature is just gorgeous there at this time.
I have family in Juneau, Alaska, where bears regularly troll the neighborhoods for garbage. NOT FUN. They, like you, do not have fences that surround their yard, but they don’t have a dog. Could you perhaps put your boy on a leash when he goes out to do his business? Bears are tricky, often not dangerous, but then…dangerous.
Nicole I am so impressed with your new zen-ness about the bears. I think I would be mostly terrified most of the time. I built an “animal proof” compost bin for out cottage. It took me days -incredibly sturdy heavy weight plastic reinforced with many screws, chicken wire etc and dug into the ground with big rocks all around the base. It lasted one summer and when we returned in the spring it was at the back of our property pretty much ripped to shreds. No more composting there- it all comes home!
I just finished The Most Fun We Ever Had also by Claire Lombardo. Loved it! such flawed yet well written characters. Can’t wait to get into this one!
I truly love your change of perspective towards the bears, Nicole. I am just worried – do they know to not come near the house to look for food? I’d probably be ok if they just snacked on the fruit trees, but do they know to not come closer? I am just asking because I know people who have found a bear in their living room… eek!