This is probably a strange thing to admit, because I know that generally it is a task that is dreaded and disliked, but I actually kind of love weeding. Like the laundry, or cleaning the kitchen, or really cleaning anything at all in my house (I’m currently looking with a side-eye at my fuzzy companion, due to whom we never have clean floors for more than thirty minutes), the weeding is never done. It reminds me so much of Newman’s meltdown about the mail, how it never stops. That’s how it is with weeding, the weeds just keep coming and coming.
But maybe that’s what I like about it, that there is always something that needs tending. I also find weeding to be very meditative; typically when I’m performing dull, repetitive tasks I listen to podcasts or music, but when I weed I leave my phone and earbuds in the house, and it’s just me and the weeds, with the sounds of the outdoors around me. There’s something so calming about feeling the warmth of the sun with my hands in the dirt. It’s absolutely a meditation.
This week I found myself meditating a lot on friendship, and the role of social media in our lives. I have been reminding myself of the platitude that friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. What is interesting to me is how social media has changed that in some ways; people who we lose touch with decades ago can come back into our life via the miracle that is social media.
I think of one of the closing lines of Desiderata nearly every day: With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. This sentiment could easily be manipulated to be applied to social media: With all its sham, fakery, and advertisements, it is still a beautiful thing. So many incredible people have come back into my life and I have met so many people on social media channels who make my life richer and more interesting.
In a way, it’s changed the for a lifetime part of the platitude, because although I might not be intimate with my childhood best friends or my group from junior high, I still feel like I know them. I know their children’s names and what they look like, and sometimes I even know what they are eating for dinner or where they are travelling to. I love that. It’s an incredible way to stay connected, and I don’t think that I would be connected with these people were it not for social media.
I fully understand the pitfalls of social media, of course, but as a woman my age I’m pretty much over comparing my life to anyone else’s. I like to celebrate when others are celebrating, I want to commiserate when others are sad or in mourning, and I really do like to see what other people are eating for dinner. I know that mindless scrolling can be not only a waste of time, but also detrimental to my attention span and general wellness, and so I apply boundaries to my Instagramming and Facebooking and I stick to them.
There is one part of social media that I fall prey to, though, and that is the advertising. Wow, am I a soft touch. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit, but I have purchased – and, I hasten to add, absolutely loved – at least three products that were marketed to me on Instagram, and although I don’t buy a lot of things, I definitely look at the advertising reels and think about them intensely. You should see my algorithm, you guys. It’s almost entirely makeup and skincare for “the older woman,” plus shapewear. The other evening I was glancing at my feed and I accidentally mused out loud Miracle Balm, hmm, do I need Miracle Balm? The responses from the men in the house was immediate and emphatic.
My younger son: NO.
My husband: What? How many products do you already use every day? Forty? You don’t need forty-one.
My older son: You can’t stop the forward march of time, Mom.
Well, they are probably right, other than my husband’s conjecture about the number of products I use. I don’t know exactly how many I use, it depends on the day, but surely it’s less than forty. Surely. In any case, it’s true, you can’t stop the forward march of time. No matter how miraculous the balm.
Weekly Reading
There are two things I wanted to tell you before I get to the two very excellent and entertaining books that I read this week. The first is that I guest-posted over on Engie’s blog (HI ENGIE), and I talked about twenty favourite books that I have each read at least three times. Technically there are twenty-two, since I slipped Heidi and Deenie in at the end. Anyway, I wrote it a few weeks ago but since I was travelling, I wasn’t able to link up. Here it is, I hope you enjoy!
The second thing I wanted to say – and this is notable since I rarely do it – is that I DNFed a book this week. I have been trying to do this more, as I have a tendency to push through with books I am not enjoying, which is a waste of time, really. A woman in my writing group had strongly recommended a Japanese series, the first of which was Before The Coffee Gets Cold. She was so enthusiastic that I just put it on hold without looking up what it was about. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered it was all about time-travel; longtime readers will remember how I loathe time-travel as a literary device. I started it all the same, slogging through the first forty pages, and then I remembered my resolution to DNF if I am not enjoying a book. Freedom!
After I Do. Friends, I could not put down this book about a young married couple who fall out of love. It was one of the most intensely readable books I have had in a while! It was all about the little quirks that we have that are endearing, but maybe on a day to day basis become really irritating to our partners, and vice versa. It’s also about how small resentments (think: arguments about where the car is parked) can become fury-inducing, and how a lack of communication can tank a relationship. I mean, who among us hasn’t felt Hulk-level rage at something ridiculous like a toilet paper roll not being put in the recycle but instead left on the bathroom counter for all eternity? Anyway, this couple takes a year separation to see if their marriage can be saved, it’s a circuitous route that struck me as odd, but such a satisfying and engrossing read. I was so invested in these characters. Interesting note: this was written in 2014, and the author has gone on to have massive success. I have read a few of her very popular books and I didn’t enjoy them half as much as I did this.
Happiness Falls. I don’t know what I thought this book would be like, but it wasn’t this – and I LOVED IT. What an incredibly written book with such a unique and original voice. A father goes missing and the only one who has clues to this is his autistic, non-speaking fourteen year old son. The rest of the family, along with the police, try to piece together what happened and if the son is at all to blame. As a side note, the father has been researching the notion of happiness, trying to quantify it in terms of baselines – if you come in from a cold, rainy day and warm up, you’re happier than if you never left the house, for example. It’s given me lots of fascinating things to think about. If you read this, be sure to read the author’s note on how she came up with the idea, because it’s very interesting.
Don’t worry, I won’t be exclusively writing about weeding for the next five months. OR WILL I? Will weeding become my new grocery shopping, in terms of blog topics? Stay tuned! xo
Loved this post – what interesting and insightful reflections on social media (and, to a certain extent, blogs) and friendship.
I love that you love your products, though your family’s responses are rather hilarious. We can’t stop the forward march of time, but we can make it more pleasant, right?
I don’t particularly enjoy gardening…until I do it. For example, we have a flagstone pad in our backyard and the sight of weeds growing in the cracks between stones drives me nearly to distraction. Last week I got my screwdriver (I’m real fancy with my gardening tools), a little stool, my headphones and a podcast. I worked for almost 2 hours and cleared out every single weed and I swear I felt like I could rule the world for the next hour. Also – it looks fantastic.
I know it’s going to need to be done again in a few days, but it was meditative and satisfying to work with my hands and even feel the slight soreness in my back from the weeding.
Oh, that sounds VERY satisfying!
Each family member’s response is very “them” if you know what I mean!
Good for you for DNF’ing that book! I am also trying to do that more. Sometimes I do it as early as 5%! If it’s not grabbing me, I will set it aside. 5% is more like ‘sampling’ a book as a podcaster I listen to would say. But there are too many good books out there to push through a read. I haven’t read that TJR book but I should. I have enjoyed her books. I did not love Happiness Falls as much as you did. I got annoyed by the HQ talk even though it appeals to my math major brain. I also loathed the footnotes. I almost exclusively read books on my kindle so footnotes are very very annoying since you have to touch it just so to pull up the footnote. So it better be worth the hassle.
Now onto social media… I went off in December 2021 and haven’t looked back. But I am in a different stage of life and am far more susceptible to the comparison trap. So it was best for me to go off of the platforms. That next year my word of the year was connection so I focused on connecting with a different friend or family member in a meaningful way – so meeting up for a walk or having a zoom if it was a faraway friend. There are aspects of social media that I miss and I know my mom kind of hates that I am not on social media but oh well. Phil is in our family Facebook group so will pass along updates from that page. I miss seeing pics of people’s kids and pets but not enough to go back on social media. But I recognize that I am an outlier in being off those platforms!
Oh, I can see how the footnotes would be annoying on a kindle – I read a paper copy and I really liked them.
If SM doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t work for you, and that’s totally okay! I’m just glad you’re around the blogosphere!
Love how you’ve found meditation in weeding, Nicole. There are times when I too feel the need to ditch my headphones to reconnect with the moment.
And I am completely with you about social media–I am grateful for how connected to my international family and friends I am because of it. FB has been growing really messy with ads lately though.
Making note of your book recs, and scrolling back for another peek of that awesome photo of you and smiley Rex! XOXO
Ugh there are SO many ads and so many of them on FB are just completely repetitive.
I can imagine for you especially with your international family, FB would be so important!
Ooh that After I Do book sounds really good! As I read the recap I was already like, oohhhh do they stay together or not?!! I guess I’ll have to read and find out. 😉
I don’t mind some weeding but we have a landscape bed in our front yard that is rocks, not mulch. Every year this annoying vine like weed grows in there and it’s SO hard to deal with. I can’t really dig it out well due to the rocks, and it spreads all these little offshoots around, so it’s not just a one and done thing. I can’t really spray it with something either because there are some perennials scattered there and I don’t want to get those…. In fact it’s on my to do list today to get out there and (try) to deal with it because it is getting out of hand. Totally ruins the look but it’s SO hard to control! I dig out/pull out what I can but inevitably miss some of the roots… argh.
Oh weeds in rocks are BRUTAL to deal with!
You should read the book and report back!
I am determined to read After I Do soon. I know this makes no sense but the reason why the only TJR books that I’ve read is 7 Husbands of Everlyn Hugo is because it was such a perfect book that I haven’t wanted to read anything else of hers because I’ve been afraid that it wouldn’t hold up. But too many people have loved After I Do so I know that I’m just being stubborn to be stubborn and I’m missing out.
I will always love social media because it lets me keep up with people who would otherwise have fallen out of my life. Sure there’s a lot of garbage that goes with the territory but that doesn’t override the good stuff.
Well, I really liked it, and maybe you can tell yourself it is a different author? Or just go in with low expectations?
YES on the social media! How many people are you in touch with from your youth WITHOUT SM? I think I have maybe one person (I didn’t get email until I was like in 4th year university, I think we are the same age so probably similar for you).
My supervisor at work recommended that Before the Coffee Gets Cold series so intensely and so repeatedly that I really, really, really tried to read it. I read the entire first book and I think the entire second book—the whole time thinking “I don’t get it. What is so great about this. I must be missing something.” I think it was a good call to give up on it.
Oh thank god you had that experience too, because I was so underwhelmed and bored by it!
I love your outlook on social media, Nicole! It does have a lot of good points. I have to admit that I have a hard time with all the advertising and creeps! Thank you for admitting that you’ve fallen for the advertisements! I have too, so many times, and I’m usually pleased with what I buy! My feed is filled with art classes, art supplies, tote bags, and suitcases – and then there will be the occasional odd thing, like portable air conditioners. I never looked that up, and I have air conditioning in my house. They’re sending out feelers, I guess. Now that I typed it out here, I’ll probably get a million more ads for them!
I can see how weeding is meditative and satisfying in the moment. Yes, they grow back, but when you finish a section, you can see the work you did, and it’s a good feeling.
Hahaha it is SO creepy when things like that happen. I had a private message thread with a friend and we were talking about Halloween candy…and suddenly I got all these candy ads. STOP WATCHING ME!!!
Yes to how meditative gardening can be. (I can’t really speak to weeding – I am terrible at that part! And I have nothing to harvest, as yet. But watering and planting and even just puttering around admiring the plants are such fantastic brain breaks.)
Nicole, I am so easily influenceable! The ads are so persuasive! I have bought this spring alone at least three products that I saw on Instagram. Have any of them worked as promised? No, not really. But I am — of course — convinced it is user error, because how could it work SO WELL for the Instagram set and not for me?
You and Rex are so cute. And I would read a million posts about your meditations while weeding.
Puttering around is just the best, isn’t it?
OMG Suzanne, the things I am tempted to try. And then if you watch the video, all of a sudden that’s all you see, and then you think about it and think about it…isn’t the marketing so insidious!
Oh goodness, I was almost sucked in by this silicone face hammock thing the other day that promises to get rid of your jowls, and I suspect the only reason I didn’t buy it was that they showed a woman sleeping in it, and I am not willing to be THAT un-sexy. Also, I fell for another product that was a silicone thing you put on your chest and it was supposed to get rid of wrinkles there, and it did zero for me. Suffice to say, I have been suckered in a time or two myself. I love Facebook for all of the reasons you do, though. I have Instagram, but I rarely post there and don’t even look at it much.
I really enjoyed both of those books, though all of the talking about happiness quotients got a bit old for me. I listened to both of them. Birchie’s comment makes me want to read ‘The 7 Husbands’, not sure why I haven’t done that yet.
Ooooh I HAVE SEEN THAT HAMMOCK. I did wonder if it worked, there is an undereye thing as well. I am going to remember your chest experiment and maybe not buy any of those items (maybe) (I will try not to buy them).
I liked but didn’t love the 7 Husbands, but I am in the minority, seems like everyone adored it!
I agree with your assessment on social media. I’ve reconnected with so many people from my past. I also discovered a 3rd cousin in Germany that still lives in the small village that so many of my ancestors were from and it’s been amazing to exchange photos with him. And I’ve discovered a lot of people’s deaths, that I wish I could unlearn, but that’s life, isn’t it?
That is so cool about your cousin! It’s just so interesting what we can find out. I hear you about the deaths, though. It’s so sad to discover that someone who was once in our lives is now gone.
I’ve cut down on my Instagram quite a bit the last month – I wanted to cut it entirely but there were certain posts I wanted to see and also I realize this is how some people and places update, so I have to check to make sure a class is running, business is open etc. I also wanted to do this because of all the advertising! I get extremely influenced, including buying the Miracle Balm!! I do enjoy the product however I don’t think it is worth it for the price and the colour doesn’t stay like it should. I got overzealous with the application once while trying to make it stay and I was out with my dad. He wondered why my skin looked so red!! So there is my review. 🙂
Oooh this is good information to have. Maybe I’ll give it a pass!
I really like getting book recommendations on IG (from you, mostly!)
Love this post. I’ll have to try the meditative aspect of gardening & weeding. I really don’t enjoy either but I need to get some flowers in. I’m late as left wrist was in a cast and also our nights here in SW Ontario have been chilly. I always put my hibiscus out on the front porch, but even this week it’s going as low as 8 or 9 a couple of nights! I have put both of those books on hold (I usually flip right from Girl House to Libby!)
Your wrist was in a cast? Oh no, did you break it? I think I missed something, Pat. Hope you’re doing okay.
I cleaned up our patio yesterday and I had to pull some random weeds on our cobbled patio and it was fun to see it all cleaned up. I wish I had more success in gardening though (I always blame it on the heat here in CA because I’ve only had mediocre success in the past… but then, maybe I am not putting in enough effort). I agree though, tending to a garden can be very meditative.
I agree with you on Social Media… I love being in touch and following the life of people, old and new friends. Yes there sometimes is the comparison game (who is immune to that) but overall it’s so fantastic that we can keep in touch with – and meet new people – this way?? 🙂
Re: the advertisement, I am a little susceptible to it too… if you do order the miracle balm, let me know if it’s worth it LOL
It’s just so satisfying, although it’s never done – I guess there is a zen lesson to be learned! I do love social media just for that reason – to keep in touch and to meet people!
I find weeding more satisfying than house cleaning because I think although they come again, at least you have a bigger break before there’s mess again.
Social media -As soon as I access the instagram app I click over to following (never look at the home feed) which gives me only accounts I’m following in reverse chronological order with no ads. Facebook I gave up on, because their equivalent (friends/pages/groups feeds) still has ads, although I’ve recently found a way to filter the ads so I’ll probably just access that on my computer where the filter works.
I’m the opposite to you—I love time travel books, and always give them a go.
Hmm, I tried that on IG after I read this comment and all I see are my individual followers, so I can’t actually see their updates. Is there a trick I’m missing? Yes, the home feed is shit – I miss a lot of things from friends and get a lot of ads!
Reading this, I just remembered I used to feel that way about weeding. I wonder how I lost it and how I could get it back. I think the problem is our property is so weedy it just seems impossible and overwhelming and like I’m never making a difference when I do it.
I just put a time travel book on my to-read list because I heard the author interviewed on a podcast. Not recommending it, because if you know that’s not your cup of tea, that’s fine. Life’s too short.
Steph, you and my friend Nicole (not me, obviously) both know my taste so well, and you two have similar tastes. I feel like when either one of you recommend a book for me specifically, you really know what I am going to like! Maybe you’d like this time-travel coffee book, though!
Hee hee! Thanks as always for the photo of Rex. He always makes me smile.
I actually do know what you mean about weeding, although I haven’t done it myself for quite some time. There’s something very soothing about getting your hands in the dirt. You don’t have to think much, yet you’re doing something important (the other plants can’t grow if you don’t pull the weeds!)
I also liked Happiness Falls- a very unique book. And, that TJR book sounds really good. Sometimes it seems incredible to me that anyone stays married at all- it’s so hard! And…social media. There are definitely people i’m able to stay in touch with only because of social media. Like so many things in life, it’s a good thing if you can manage it well.
I’m with you: I apply boundaries to my Instagramming and Facebooking and I stick to them. [Well I don’t do FB but do Threads instead, so in essence I do the same thing.] I like connecting with people but I also like my privacy so I balance the two with my needs being paramount.
I like weeding. I see instant improvement and get a good stretch or two in while I do it. Kind of creating my own yoga moves outside.
You can come to my house and deal with *gesticulates wildly* the jungle that is our yard. There are so many weeds, but also so many purposeful plants that have just taken over. *sigh* Neither my husband nor I likes to do yardwork, so things that just progressively more insane every year.
I struggled so hard with Happiness Falls and ended up not enjoying it. I didn’t want to spend time with that main character and while I appreciate the disability representation, I sort of wish it had been more representative representation, if that makes sense. What if Eugene had honestly been unable to communicate in the end? That would have been more realistic and, frankly, more interesting. But I’m definitely in the minority with my feelings on that book.
Some plants are pretty invasive! They can take over pretty quickly.
I had the opposite experience, about the main character – I really enjoyed her!
This is an excellent way to look at social media, my friend. I also set boundaries for myself.
Weeding IS meditative. I like the idea of listening to a podcast while you do it. That is a great idea.
Kari, years ago I was feeling kind of shitty about my face, before I realized that a) I was comparing my face to my friends’ on SM, and b) those friends were using filters. No more comparing, and also I don’t use filters either! Boundaries are good for everything, I think.
just went through your guest post and download many books of Alice munro and Margaret, can’t wait to dive in! 🙂
That’s so great, Coco, I hope you enjoy them!
I am not very good at adding people to my FB, which is to say that my FB friend list is somewhat incomplete. I haven’t looked up people from my childhood or from high school or college even. Maybe I’m missing out. Once I have friends added, I’m not great at looking at everyone’s posts and liking them, which I assume means I don’t follow good friend protocol on FB. I guess that makes me a boring, nonresponsive FB friend. Maybe I’m missing out. Maybe someday when I have more time, I’ll be more involved and will reach out to more people or pay more attention to what people post. I do think it’s great that so many people connect on there and manage to better stay in touch. I love stories about people reconnecting or becoming friends because of FB. I feel like I’m just not that good at it.
Moments after reading this post, I said, “I think there is a really large weed . . . where did I see it? By the front porch, maybe?” Tank was in the kitchen sweeping, which was very nice of him. He was like, “Well, I guess that means you want me to go pull that weed. You may as well have said If only I had a son who had working arms and could pull an oversized weed.” I died laughing, trying to explain to him that your post made me sort of think out loud.
Rex’s paws look like they might be bigger than your feet. I’m excited about the books you’ve mentioned. I died laughing at the time travel book. Time travel does not interest me in the lease. Hooray for DNR and the freedom it gives.
Well, Ernie, you have so much on the go, I don’t know how you would ever have time to be on social media! Maybe one day when things settle down for you.
Good for Tank for sweeping AND pulling weeds!
You know, it’s weird, I get served a lot of ads on social media but I barely pay attention to them. Maybe because I work in digital marketing and I know how the sauce it made, in a sense, lol. I will not let them get the best of me!! 😉 But I get served a LOT of cat + dachshund content and I’m not mad about that at all.
I think After I Do is the one TJR that I haven’t read! I went to an event of hers at a bookstore after she wrote Daisy Jones and the Six, and she said that she wrote her first four books soon after getting married and they followed the major things she was worried about in her relationship. IMAGINE. Writing about the things you are anxious about! No thanks!!
I also enjoyed Happiness Falls! I thought it was such an interesting book.
Oh wow, OH WOW. Well, knowing that…it’s a little unsettling! I can’t imagine writing about my marriage in that way while still being married!
Amen to boundaries. ❤️
On the home feed, go to the Instagram word at the top left. Click on it. A dropdown will appear with following or favourites. Click following. That will give you feed of just accounts you are following.
THIS IS LIFE CHANGING!!! Thank you Melissa!
This is in repsonse to your question to me re the following feed on intsagram. I thought I was replying to you, but obviously not.
You know how you said Do I need Miracle Balm out loud without intending? (Btw: Loved your men’s responses! HA!)
Well after reading your first line I said out loud: Of course Nicole loves weeding!
HA. I hate it with a passion. I mean, I suppose if I had a small garden area that was within reason, it would n’t be bad, but when you have SOOOOOO much space and SOOOOO many garden beds, it becomes daunting.
I agree with you on the social media thing; I love seeing my childhood friends and their families. It makes me happy to see everyone happy!
Well, and you probably have a year-long growing season! I might feel differently if that was my case!
Weeding…used to be the bane of my existence (my dad would make us pull out vines similar to what Kae mentioned…it took hours…and he paid something like $5, lol). Now? I love getting my hands in the dirt. But I have a black thumb, alas, and have determined that in-house succulents are pretty much it for me. 🙁
If social media keeps me connected to others’ lives I am here for it. And I am pulled in by…shoes. Kizik, Allbirds. I want comfy shoes, is that a crime? LOL.
It’s not a crime, I love comfy shoes – I wear so many kinds of Skechers! I would love to figure out a comfortable pair of heels for the rare occasion I need them, but so far, they are a unicorn for me.