Fly High Free Bird
The soul-crushing airline industry has completely ruined my idea of what is normal and what is not. To me, flight departure and arrival times are completely nebulous, an approximation at best. I just assume that no flight will ever take off or arrive on time, ever, which is why I will do almost anything to avoid flight connections. So you can imagine my surprise when not only did our flight to Vegas was on time, but so was our flight home. We arrived home at 4:00 pm, which meant that I could pick Rex up from the boarder’s, rather than waiting until the next day. “Our flight got in early!” I excitedly said to the woman at the boarder’s, and my husband reminded me that no, it wasn’t, but it was on time. I guess I just assumed 4:00 could mean anything from 5:00 to midnight.
We had booked these flights before I became incredibly spoiled by our recent, premium seat flight to Mexico, but we did have the exit row, which is quite comfortable for me and my swollen, badly circulated, here-are-the-warning-signs-for-blood clots legs. On the way there I was seated beside a lovely Australian woman who had been rerouted to Vegas in the strangest way: she was heading for Calgary, where she would connect to go on to Houston, but as she was driving to the airport she was notified that her Calgary flight was delayed for over ninety minutes, and she would miss her connection. Back in the day there were many flights from Calgary to Houston, but apparently not anymore, and so she was flying to Vegas, of all redirections, and then getting an evening flight on a different airline to Houston. It sounded exhausting and reinforced my deep distrust of airline connections.
On discovering that the woman was from Australia, the fellow in the window seat struck up a conversation, and continued the conversation for the entire three hour flight. I was in the happy position of being in the aisle seat, so I could eavesdrop easily but I could also just read my book. The conversation almost entirely consisted of his recounting of The Times He Got Drunk In Australia, along with one horrifying description of the Time He Tried To Barbeque Kangaroo Meat.
I had a brief conversation with this young gentleman when he arrived to his seat, and that conversation was about the Superiority Of The Airport White Spot as a Drinking Destination. “Their liquor license starts at 6:00 am, and there’s no difference in the price of a beer at the airport versus the White Spot on Harvey,” he said, “And no one has to drive because we are all getting on a plane!” He has a point. The flight attendant came by with the drinks cart and when he asked for a beer, she told him there was Molsen and Coors available. “The Silver Bullet!” he said happily. It was just after 9:00 am. I lost sight of him after deplaning but I feel sure he had a great time in Vegas.
My Milkshake Brings The Instagrammers To The Yard
For the second year in a row, St. Patrick’s Day completely fell off my radar and I didn’t realize until just before we left that we would be in Vegas for that occasion. I assumed that all of the pubs would be very busy, but either there is just a glut of pubs or people were partaking in the festivities elsewhere, because every pub we passed seemed pretty quiet. People were definitely partaking in festivities somewhere, as dramatically demonstrated by the fellow in a tall green hat and a shirt emblazoned with “Pat MeCrotch” falling into the elevator with us, followed by his apologetic wife, who was wearing a gigantic glowing green necklace made up of shamrocks and the words “Kiss Me I’m Irish.”
In any case, my husband and I had a lovely lunch at a pub at the Venetian, which is near the Sphere. We had tickets for the 2:00 show, and so we leisurely sat at the bar and had some really great pub food, including a vegan falafel burger. This was the type of pub that had a whole page of the menu dedicated to extremely decadent and extravagant milkshakes: the rims were coated with frostings and sprinkles of all sorts – Fruity Pebbles! Jimmies! Oreo crumbs! – and then topped with ice cream or whipped cream, with some kind of large baked good on top of THAT – a strawberry Pop Tart! A jelly doughnut! A cinnamon roll! – and then THAT was topped with, somewhat anticlimactically, a cherry.
I saw one such milkshake being delivered to a woman, around my age, sitting alone. It was bright red, with a slice of what appeared to be cheesecake on top, and I was filled with curiosity as to how someone would actually consume this. Would there be a side plate? Would this person just pick up the cheesecake and eat it with her fingers? I watched out of the corner of my eye to see what would happen.
First, the woman took several photos of it, which, well, is relatable. Then she started taking selfies with the milkshake, including one in which she was holding the cherry with a big, wide, open mouthed smile. I waited to see what would happen with the cheesecake slice, but then it was apparent that she was videoing herself with this milkshake – I could see her talking. Was this an Instagram reel? Was she posting on TikTok? I kept waiting for her to eat the cheesecake, or at least sip from the milkshake, but she just kept filming.
My husband chided me for creepily watching someone not-consume a giant milkshake, but to be honest, I didn’t think it was any creepier than watching an Instagram reel of a person I don’t know, the creation of which was more than likely what was happening. All I was missing was her handle. I never did see what happened with the milkshake because she still hadn’t partaken in any of it by the time we left to go see the show. I hope she enjoyed it.
Mars Ain’t The Kind Of Place To Raise Your Kids
As I alluded to before, we went to see Postcard From Earth at The Sphere in Vegas. The Sphere, in case you don’t know, cost two billion dollars to build and the outside consists of thousands and thousands of lights. It is really a feat of technology and engineering, the inside filled with all sorts of technological wonders. During the movie, the seats move and vibrate – no, not THAT kind of vibrate – and there is wind and scent and it’s a real sensory experience. I cannot even describe how amazing it is.
I loved 85% of the movie, which is about the glory of nature and our mother earth, the ways in which we honour her and the beauty of nature. It also shows how we have abused her, and how she is protesting via climate change and crisis, and I was on board with all of this, one hundred percent. We are in a climate crisis, I think that much is obvious, and it is our doing, as a global population. This, I think, would have been a great place to give the viewer practical information about the changes we all can make on individual and corporate levels.
However, this is where the movie took a turn. The solution to the climate crisis, said the movie, was for everyone to leave earth in order for it to heal. So, everyone on earth got to get into a space ship and go to another planet, presumably to fuck that one up as well, although that thought was left unstated.
Now, I know, as the man behind me said to his sobbing child who did not want to go to space, Daddy, it’s just a movie. But really? THAT is the thesis regarding the solution to the climate crisis? For us not to be here? Honestly, the film should have a warning on it for anyone suffering depression or extreme climate anxiety, because the thesis is that the world would be better WITHOUT US IN IT. Surely there could have been a better conclusion than that, but since space travel for seven billion people is exactly not a practical tool, the implication is that it’s just better if we don’t exist anymore. You can’t find a hotel room with a balcony or a window that opens in Vegas, so you’d think they would know that your existence is the problem isn’t maybe the best theme for a movie in that particular location.
Obviously there are no clear answers or quick fixes to the climate crisis, but maybe there could have been a lesson here about mindful, reduced consumption rather than let’s go to Saturn, it will be fine. Perhaps stop using single use plastics, or don’t buy into the fast fashion industry, or, maybe, don’t go to Vegas.
Las Vegas is probably right up there with the Disney resorts when it comes to environmentally disastrous tourist destinations, and I found it incredibly ironic that this movie would be shown in a two billion dollar, electronically powered, round theatre. It felt like getting a lecture from Leonardo DiCaprio about the environment just before he boards his yacht with all his buddies. So thanks, but no thanks, on the suggestion of flying to space and never coming back to earth ever again.
Glory Days, They’ll Pass You By
If you can believe it, I have been a mother for twenty years! Well, twenty years and two days.
It was a bit of a hectic weekend, what with cake baking and guests and a funeral and feeding people and just general life, but it was lovely all the same. And now we are looking down the barrel of a really normal week, albeit one in which we are busy gearing up for gardening season. Preparing to garden in March will never not be a novelty to me, after so many years of snow and ice.
I have many books to tell you about, but it will have to wait until later. I hope you all have a beautiful week, the first full one of spring! xo
I read a book once called The World Without Us, which is basically a series of predictions about how long it would take for the Earth to heal if we all ceased to exist, when various mileposts would be hit. It was fascinating.
One year at Hershey Park around Halloween we split a milkshake with chocolate-covered pretzel rods sticking out of it and a pumpkin roll on top of it. It was a multi-person job. We did not extensively document it (though we did take a picture). You can also get a big mug of soda topped with frosting there, which the kids have tried. The words “that sounds too sweet” almost never leave my lips, as I have a killer sweet tooth, but I didn’t even want to try that. It seemed kind of gross.
I also like sweet things and I love frosting, but YES soda with frosting does seem like a bridge too far for me.
That book does sound fascinating, and I wonder if I have the bandwidth to read it! Maybe I’ll see if it’s at the library.
Ha! Well, Vegas is a prime spot for people watching. The guy on the plane sounds SO ANNOYING- I feel bad for the woman trapped in the middle seat! I also would have been fascinated by the woman with the milkshake. My feeling is, if someone is doing something weird in public ON PURPOSE, like taking selfies with a milkshake and (presumably) making instagram reels, you have every right to watch as much as you want.
I’m laughing at that movie- it sounds like an appropriate Vegas take on the climate crisis.
And, happy birthday to your son!!! It goes fast, doesn’t it?
Yeah, I was glad I was on the aisle, but to be fair, the lady DID seem engaged in the conversation, so yay that they found each other? I mean, who’s to say. I got some great eavesdropping in thought!
I bet that the milkshake girl barely touched the milkshake. I am sure she probably took a bite or scoop or whatever just so she could film it, but likely did not consume the entire thing. It is like food testers; they just nibble at things I would completely finish! We used to work with a guy whose wife was a food tester and he would bring us all kinds of leftover knobs of cheese and half consumed bottles of olive oil. I got some great cheese because of her!
I kind of hate Vegas; I am sorry to say this since you just got back but it is such a hive of commercialism and it embodies everything I try to avoid. Also I remember when I was younger comparing the drought in California to how much water the fountain at the Bellagio used each day.
Well, I can say with confidence I could never be a food tester – if something is yummy I want to eat the whole thing!
I’ve never been to Vegas. My husband has been many times (it is a HUGE destination for conferences) and he says I must visit at least once but that after a few days you start to feel…icky?
“I lost sight of him after deplaning but I feel sure he had a great time in Vegas.” Bwhahaha.
And TWENTY. Gosh, this hits close to home because TOMORROW I HAVE A TEENAGER. A TEENAGER, NICOLE. A TEENAGER. I just cannot even…I may need to hop on one of those spaceships and leave earth for the next 5-6 years? We had a rousing party on the weekend and it was delightful and so far I think this parenting stage will be glorious with a side of horrific?
Yes, three days is the perfect stay – more than that and you start to feel weird.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR GIRL! I love the teen years personally, although that said, I have boys who are historically less, um, roller-coaster-y? Hopefully you won’t need that spaceship!
I’m still basking in the glow of our on time/slightly early flights on the Punta Cana trip. It’s kind of like the total eclipse that’s going to happen in my area in April – a very rare, special thing.
I’m not sure how I would consume a milkshake with a piece of cheesecake on top but I’m willing to put in the work to find out!
Look I’m not a scientist or anything but I agree that maybe just maybe there’s a way for earth and humans to co-exist. C’mon now.
Happy 20th birthday to your baby! We’ll hit that milestone next year. The cake is on point!
“a rare, special thing” indeed! Honestly, if the flight takes off within an hour of the posted time I am thrilled, this is how beaten down I have become.
Yes, there has to be a better solution than “we should all just not exist anymore.” COME ON!
Wow, that move is something else! Sheesh. There were a whole lot of solutions they skipped over before jumping to the solution of everyone leaving earth. Instead perhaps all the climate change doubters could leave earth…. that’s the real problem IMO. We are all doing what we can on our own but until more in power do something it seems hard to see meaningful change happening, which is a depressing line of thought.
Wow, that milkshake sounds like something else… all I can think about is how much it must have cost and then she didn’t appear to enjoy the thing. It sounded more like a prop for social media. And that right there is the perfect example of why I kind loathe social media! I was listening to a Brene Brown podcast episode with Ester Perel and they talked about social media and how Brene overheard a table say “no, the phone eats first” meaning – take a picture of it before you start eating it.
Wow, I sound like a grumpy elder millennial with a lot of “get off my lawn” energy. 😉
Happy birthday to your son! And happy 20th year of parenting to you! Look at young Nicole!!!
Lololol the phone eats first! Well, I have definitely been guilty of Instagramming my food so I shouldn’t talk TOO much, but I always do eat the food!
And thank you! 20 years!
LOL, your comment makes me laugh, Lisa, because I *am* the friend that must take a picture of my food before eating. My friends/mom just know to wait before taking a bite so I can take a photo. What can I say? I like to document things!
Stephany, no judgement here – I frequently photograph my food! J once waited as I sliced up some dessert, and when I asked him what he was waiting for – grab a plate, buddy – he said, “Don’t you need to take a picture of it?” Lol!
First, what a precious photo of you and your baby boy! You look like you’d never been pregnant! Love seeing a photo of you, back in the day. You really haven’t changed!
Oh brother on the shipping us off onto another planet. How ridiculous is that message? Yeah, I don’t care to be preached at by celebrities, either.
Aren’t the airlines a real shitshow? I remember about 10 years ago, when I began to notice the flight times were changed. We used to fly nonstop to San Francisco in 4 hours. Suddenly, it was 5 hours? Same to Florida, but they increased that by 30-45 minutes. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that that was their way of compensating for delays and still show that they were on time. What a damn scam!
I would have been looking at the Instagrammer with her mega milkshake, too. My guess is that she took one bite and that was it.
Oh my goodness, Bijoux, I didn’t even THINK about the airlines increasing flight times to accommodate delays! Of course! The very most frustrating thing happened last summer, the guys had driven a couple of cars to BC prior to our move, and then flown back. They were to arrive at 8. The boys’ friends were having a going-away party for them that night. I went to pick them up at 8…and they were on the tarmac until after nine, because “they couldn’t get the door open.” They were at the gate, on the tarmac, waiting for someone to OPEN THE DOOR WHAT EVEN IS THAT. It was a big annoyance in a long line of annoying things about the move.
And thank you for the sweet words about the photo!
I’m so happy your flight was early/on time. I almost hesitate to say this out loud but with all the travel we have done in the past 20 years we’ve had such good luck. I can only recall 2 long delays/missed connections, never lost luggage. We do mostly carry-on now except for the 3 months in Mexico. Such a sweet pic of you and your first-born! I didn’t get to comment on your Vegas post – I have only been once & loved it. It did however rain almost non-stop for 3 days although everyone says that it never rains in Vegas. We had decided to splurge and take the helicopter trip over the Grand Canyon & Hoover Dam. I think it was almost $500 US per person and it said “no refund for any reason, including weather”. We got up in the wee hours to drive to the site for a 6 a.m. departure…and it was cancelled due to fog and rain. They did however give us a full refund – phew!!
Oh whew, it would be awful to lose $1000 because of rain! I think that would be SUCH a cool thing to do! I’m sure that it would have been cancelled as well when I was there because it was raining (and IT NEVER RAINS IN VEGAS!!)
I hugely enjoyed the entire description of the Sphere movie, laughing literally out loud at “although that thought was left unstated.” And then the Leonardo DiCaprio part, and the don’t go to Vegas, and the windows that don’t open, and the thanks but no thanks. Just: sublime, the whole thing.
Thank you so much, Swistle!!
Maybe it’s because I read too much cli-fi, but how else would that movie end? I definitely need to expand my reading horizons, I think. I was just nodding along thinking, yeah, that’s how these things go.
Also, in another nod to my deep level of pessimism on this cold, rainy March morning (*sigh* my SAD lamp cannot keep up with this), I doubt that woman ate a single bite of that milkshake, or if she did, she only ate it to be recorded doing so. The milkshake was a PROP! (Hey, do they say “jimmies” in Canada? All the maps I have found on this particular linguist phrase just have the US. Please give me more data. We say sprinkles here in the midwestern United States and I give serious side-eye to “jimmies” as a concept.)
Boy. This comment is dreary.
HEY! What kind of beans did the Easter Bunny put in his stew?
Jelly beans!!
Did that save the comment?
I say “sprinkles,” not “jimmies,” but I was studying this milkshake menu like I was going to take the MCAT, and their ingredient description was “jimmies,” so for the purposes of passing on correct information that’s what I used!
I do like the jelly bean joke!
Engie–Does it help or hinder that “jimmies” are slang for undies in British :D?
Nicole–What an adorable pic of you and your firstborn! That first baby is the #1 game changer, for sure!
That milkshake sounds gross and soggy, sorry. But your cake… is beautimous!
I’ve never understood people talking about looking for new habitable planets and it makes me mad… what about this wonderful planet we already have?!?! WTF? DO they move to a new house when they’ve trashed their current one?!
The first one IS the game changer! That’s for sure. Thanks Maya!
OK, that photo of you with your new baby is beyond wonderful! Knowing that little bundle of sweetness is all grown up and respectable citizen of the world fills my heart with joy and hope.
I will avoid watching Postcard from Earth. You’re right – it seems strange to have that movie in Las Vegas, with all its many extravagent forms of pollution!
And I’m with you – the airline industry is soul crushing! Not just the crammed seats and delays, but did you find that going through security was humiliating and stressful? I sure did!
Thanks so much Michelle! I am also filled with joy and hope when I see our young people!
now THAT is a CAKE– gorg! I love your people watching on vacay– can we please go away together to bask and watch people make content?
OMG I WOULD LOVE TO!!! Imagine the fun we would have!
Happy birthday to your baby!!!! I love that photo of you two. OMG. Can you believe that they were ever that small?
Laughing for days at this: “I lost sight of him after deplaning but I feel sure he had a great time in Vegas.”
The instagrammer thing is so perplexing and fascinating. What a cultural phenomenon, the entertainmentification of everyday experiences. (Says the blogger.)
It’s so hard to believe that they were so small! Especially since they tower over me. And thank you!
Happy 20th to your kid! And look at BABY NICOLE in that photo!!
That climate film is interesting, especially being in such a… place that is not exactly climate friendly, lol. I don’t love that the solution is to just leave the planet because that’s not a realistic ending. How about let’s talk about how to take better care of the planet NOW? IDK.
Thanks so much Stephany! And yes, I agree, let’s stop talking about going to space and try to maybe be better stewards now?
I so agree with you about flying. Not only do I consider it completely untrustworthy and always book a direct flight if possible, but it is a miserable experience. As I was trying to side shuffle out of the window seat (in which I couldn’t help but worry the entire flight, would become an open air, hole in the side of the plane experience), I couldn’t help but wonder how we would all get out of our seats if there was, goodness forbid, a real disaster that required a quick deplaning. In addition, I for one, agree heartily that flying to another planet isn’t an option for the climate crisis. I mean, can you sitting on a spaceship for a few years in coach? And then missing your connecting flight, leaving you stranded on Venus for months?
Yes, so, I was in the exit row and the flight attendant was giving me the run-down on what to do in case of emergency. The biggest thing is to not have trays down and items stowed underneath the seat, no tripping hazards. She said “We would need to evacuate the whole plane in 90 seconds. NINETY SECONDS. I’m…not sure that would happen?
I laughed so hard reading this comment, btw. Stranded on Venus! “I missed my connection, the spaceship was late taking off.” Lololol forever.
The guy on the plane sounds super annoying. Who cares about your alcoholic tramps around the world. But yay for flights coming and going on time!!
Those milkshakes sound about as appetizing as the GIGANTIC bloody Mary’s that you see around. Um, a shrimp, lobster claw, whole carrot, etc. No thanks! Gluttony at its best, right?
Yeah, the movie sounds like it wasn’t done properly….or in the proper place. *Sigh* I’ve often thought it would be lovely if we could send all the asshats to another country and let them duke it out. You know, just have us earth loving, peaceful happy people stay here?
Happy birthday to your babe!
Oh, I’ve seen those Bloody Marys and always thought – well, if that was your dinner, I guess?
I would have been annoyed if I had to sit next to the guy on the plane – but with the lady in between taking the fall, I was just entertained by occasional eavesdropping!
I just realized that I missed this post. How? I suppose it’s because I was traveling when this was posted, even though I thought I was paying attention. Anywho- the milkshake lady made me laugh. I find it hard to not watch what people do in restaurants, esp if they are behaving in an unusual fashion. I so agree with your point – incredibly ironic to show that movie in that billion dollar, lit up dome thing. Goodness. That guy’s St. Pat’s t-shirt cracked me up. I haven’t seen that one. Happy 20th to your son, a little late. Mini will be 20 on the 12th.
Happy early birthday to Mini! I had never seen that particular t-shirt before and I found it really funny.
Those milkshakes sound completely crazy! I can’t even imagine where one would start. I can barely do a frosty, for Pete’s sake.
I thought, at first, that the beer-loving dude and the Australian woman might, you know, enjoy Vegas *together*, but alas. Not to be, since she was traveling on… 😉
Well, and also her husband was in the row behind her! Although that would have made a GREAT story!