The world is such an interesting place, isn’t it? It’s wild that a person can go from this:
To this, in only a matter of hours.
It has been very grey and foggy this week, but it’s so mild and windless that I don’t mind it at all. Our snow is basically all gone, except for piles in parking lots and along the walking paths where it had been shovelled. Those piles are a source of great joy to Rex, who likes to roll and slide down them, and then starts to eat them. His penchant for eating snow is pretty cute, and so I’m trying not to be horrified when he shoves his face into filthy parking lot snow. I mean, he is a dog, so I am assuming his digestive system can handle it.
After what felt like a long run of books that ran the gamut between Good and OMG Boring, last Friday I read a really fabulous collection of short stories, entitled Today A Woman Went Mad At The Supermarket, and if that title does not pique your interest, then you are living a very different life from me.
Hilma Wolizer has been around and writing for decades – most of these stories were written in the 1970s, one as early as the 1966 – and so I am puzzled as to why I haven’t heard of her before this. All the stories are interconnected and deal with my favourite genre: ordinary, everyday things written in an extraordinary way. The last story has to do with the pandemic, written in 2020, and I mention it as a warning for anyone who is not in a mental space to read about the early days of Covid, specifically how it affected elderly people living in New York City.
The foreword of this book is written by Elizabeth Strout who, as you know, is one of my favourites and who also really writes the Slice Of Life books that I adore. In the foreword are two quotes from Wolitzer, which resonated with me so much and made me want to call her up and scream ME TOO into the phone.
Everyone’s face was fascinating to me, and I would wonder what their lives were like.
I don’t believe there’s such a thing as ordinary life. I think all life is extraordinary.
I cannot even begin to explain how seen I felt after I read that; I felt a deep kinship with this 90 year old writer.
On our trip to Mexico, I spent a lot of time by myself at the pool; I am the early bird of our group, so I would lounge around waiting for my husband and our friends to arrive, reading and soaking up the surroundings. I tend to chat with anyone within ten feet of me, but on this trip people were mostly swimming by me, or in large groups, and so instead of chatting, I’d just imagine what their lives were like. How long had that couple been married? What was it like to look exactly like the guy who talks about the O Face in the movie Office Space? What does the man swimming early-morning pool lengths do for a living? Where did that woman get that fabulous hat?
One afternoon I was reading while my husband and our friend were floating around in the pool, drinks in hand. They noticed a couple who was in the pool beside them; this couple was involved in what can only be described as An Extensive Makeout Session. The guys couldn’t believe I didn’t notice the couple, because, as I mentioned before, I am always people-watching, and so they were shocked I missed the estan caliente teenage-like making out and, if you will pardon the extremely crude expression, but nothing else comes close to describing this accurately, dry-humping that was happening in the pool right in front of me. How did you not see it? our friend asked, puzzled at my obliviousness. The guy got out right in front of you and he had a massive boner, how could you miss that? my husband told me, with his usual delicacy of manner.
How indeed?
Nevertheless, it wasn’t long before I started seeing this couple everywhere, though, and always in a similar state of semi-clothed in flagrante: in the lobby bar, standing next to the pool, in a single pool lounge next to the pool. From what I could see the man was probably in his fifties, and the woman a couple of decades younger. Their level of passion was truly inspirational, although if continued to completion, I would assume that there would be a lot of chafing and possible cystitis involved in this holiday.
I did, of course, wonder what their story was. I concluded that if they were married, it wasn’t to each other, and before long I had an entire Harlequin-like romance written in my head about them.
Speaking of marriage, my husband and I were wandering through the resort one night; our friends had gone back to their room, and we were enjoying the full moon and the music that was coming from a wedding reception being held nearby. One of the songs was Baby Got Back, which I love, but which also seems like a strange choice for a wedding reception. In any case, there we were, getting our groove on, when my husband was swarmed by a group of young women in an advanced state of inebriation. Josh! Josh! they squealed, to our bemusement.
It turns out that these lovely young women had mistaken my husband for an actor named Josh Duhamel, who I had never heard of before, but who has the distinction of being from Minot, North Dakota, which is not far at all from where I was born, in Saskatchewan. These girls were slightly disappointed that my husband was not the star of a Transformers movie, but were extremely sweet and cheerful. We saw you by the pool today! they said, then turning to me. We just thought he had gotten remarried! Well, that was cute, but there are two things that I found out later: Josh Duhamel used to be married to Fergie, of Black Eyed Peas fame, and is now married to a former Miss World America.
I do not have low self-esteem or lack for confidence, but I admit I did feel a bit strange at this exchange. The tables, they had turned. My people-watching had ricocheted back to me; me, with my giant sunhat and streaks of mineral sunscreen on my legs and bikini, with my slightly-bloated margarita tummy and fuzzy, out of control beach hair. Did these women really think that Josh Duhamel, one-time star on All My Children, left Miss World America for ME? Were they making up their own mental stories about people around the pool generally, and me specifically? I cannot imagine such stories would cast me in a very flattering light. Listen, I would like to believe that we live in a world in which women of all ages, visages, and bodies are embraced equally by ex-soap stars, but let’s be realistic. The most likely answer is that these women’s vision was blurred by unlimited day-drinking; in fact, I think that is probably my best-case scenario. Maybe they thought you WERE Miss World America, my husband ventured, to which I answered with a look only. He shrugged sheepishly. When a couple has been married for a few decades, sometimes non-verbal communication is the best kind of communication.
So cool! That book was written for you! To inspire you to write your own book about events happening at the grocery story (which I hope you are currently writing). 🙏😍
Hahahaha my grocery adventures COULD fill a book! It’s a content idea!
I love everything about this. Even the gratuitous boner. You need to write a book of essays, in addition to your other work, please and thank you.
I love people watching. It’s one of my favorite things. I am so nosy. I love driving through small towns and wondering who lives there and what they do for work and where do they go to have fun. I love gazing at strangers in airports and thinking about where they’re headed and why and WHO are they talking to on the phone at six in the morning. I love driving down dark streets and peering into brightly lit homes whose inhabitants have not closed the drapes. (This makes it sound like I am out driving at night for the specific purpose of peeping, which I am NOT; it’s all incidental, fleeting looks.) People are endlessly fascinating. I think this is why I love blogging so much. It’s so fun to get these glimpses of other people’s lives! We are all so similar and yet so different! I love it!
Josh Duhamel would be lucky, Nicole.
Suzanne, I used to do that all the time, walking in the neighbourhood at dusk. Other people are SO fascinating!!!
Lol, is there any word in the English language funnier than “boner?”
I am a people watcher, too. Our street is on several bus lines so sometimes on warm nights, I will be sitting on the porch and see one go by all lit up inside and look at the people on it and wonder where they’re going and why. Somehow night bus trips seem more potentially interesting than day ones (maybe because almost all of my bus trips are during the day).
Oooh yes, I would do that too if buses were going by my house! Night bus trips – maybe super interesting, maybe just someone working a late shift, WHO CAN SAY!
Ha ha! I would just take that compliment and run with it. Maybe up close you had streaks of sunscreen and frizzy beach hair, but from their vantage point you were obviously on par with Miss World America. It is a funny story though.
Yes, I wonder about people all the time! I used to do that when I lived in New York. Sometimes I would be on the Subway extremely late at night or early in the morning, and I would look at my fellow passengers and wonder where they were going. I knew where I was going at 4 am, but what about these people? I agree- everyone’s lives are extraordinary. There’s an interesting story there, somewhere! I wonder if that’s why we like “Day in the Life” posts so much- other people’s lives are fascinating.
Lol, perhaps their alcohol-dimmed eyes saw me in a whole different way, like the Beer Goggles from the Simpsons!
You know, I think you’re right. I am fascinated by Day in the Life posts, and this is probably why – I’m a nosy people watcher!
LOL!!!! Your last two sentences have me dying over here!!!! Bahahaha! But girl, how did you not know Josh Duhamel?? He was SO HOT, back in the day. However, I recently saw him on Jeff Lewis’ show, Hollywood Houselift, and Josh looked a bit rough. I mean, if you know a camera crew is coming, maybe shave and wash your hair and don’t wear a baseball cap backwards? But yes, he remarried and his new wife is quite a bit younger than him. So anyhoo, I’d take it as a compliment, any which way you look at it!
That book is totally intriguing, especially that Elizabeth Strout is recommending it. I will check it out!
It’s true, I had NO IDEA. And…I still kind of don’t? I don’t think I’ve seen anything he’s in! But I will take the compliment regardless!
Oh this had me laughing out loud at every turn. I love making up stories about people, and people watching, my family even has a Hungarian code word for when this is happening and we might want the other to engage in the people watching on the sly. Hopefully this doesn’t sound rude! I suppose people could be watching me too, although I think I’m terribly boring so if they can say something interesting so be it. I loved that collection of short stories and when I was listening to the audiobook I wondered if you had read it too! It’s definitely your genre!
It doesn’t sound rude at all! I kind of want to be in on your code word! Maybe we are all watching each other and imagining what all our respective lives are like!
Oh, Nicole, you are SO funny! I laughed all the way through this post! I love it! The boner! Your lively imagination! The withering look aimed at your husband! OMG!!! Anyway…
I also like to people-watch to some degree. It’s why I can’t read as well in public areas because I like to look around too much. But I should start doing like you — imagine their “hidden” lives! LOL I used to be much better at being tunnel-visioned but my husband must have rubbed off on me. He loves to people-watch and he notices everything! He’s the complete opposite of a tunnel-visioned person like me!
I know it’s not popular with some people, but my husband LOVES to go on a cruise. He gets a lot of chance to people-watch and strike up conversations with people! So we go…it’s an easy/lazy way to spend a week of vacation for us, specially if we can catch a ship out of Los Angeles or San Diego ports (no flying!) which we did for the first time last year (we even did it twice…only a month apart!); previous times, we always flew…either to FL or to Alaska, etc, to get on a ship. Most of these cruisers have the unlimited alcohol packages so yes, there could be some funny moments to watch but we’re old (ha!) so we go with the older-cruisers ships most of the time so it’s not as crazy as it could get.
Thanks for the laughs this morning, a rainy and gloomy day in SoCal.
I have some friends who also really love cruises! I love the all-inclusive resort because what could be more relaxing? I imagine the cruise life must be similar.
People watching is just so fun!
This is such an entertaining post! The make out couple, your husbands delicate manner, the girls rushing him. Hilarious. I am also a people watcher. When I was young I rode the Toronto subway to and from work – it was full of interesting people, you’d see the same people most days. I loved to create imaginary backstories for all of them!
Oh gosh, yes, I remember riding the LRT to work back in the late 90s and just daydreaming about what everyone was doing and where they were going. I mean, probably to work since it was 7am, but who knows?
So very funny, Nicole. Oh my gosh. I do not know who Josh Duhamel is either, but that should surprise no one. I enjoy people watching. I’ve hung out by the pool often when I travel with Coach and he is teaching a PT class. I’m the same – always striking up a conversation with someone nearby. It’s so fun to meet people and find out what they’re doing at the hotel, etc. The couple getting-it-on, wow. I can’t believe that, especially when they seemingly had a room at their disposal. Ha. We took the kids to the beach years ago in Chicago and a couple was doing more than sunbathing and it wasn’t until we had hunkered down with all of our stuff that we noticed. We spent the next few hours trying to distract our young kids.
That book of essays does sound fun. The name alone – so relatable.
Hahaha I kept thinking that maybe they found it more exciting WITHOUT going to their room!
What a fun post, Nicole! I enjoyed reading about your adventures, and you made me laugh! I used to watch the TV show Las Vegas, and Josh Duhamel was one of the stars. How fun that your hubby was mistaken for him, and you are definitely movie star beautiful. You could’ve played along!
Awww you’re so sweet! I have never seen that show, maybe I should look it up!
I have written whole posts about people-watching. I remember driving slowly in Toronto traffic and seeing a teenager biking nimbly around the cars with a tennis racket in his back, and feeling deeply how different his life is from mine and my teenagers’.
Remember our friend with the last name Boughner? Which they pronounce kind of like Bogner? Once he said to me “there’s the two rude ways to say it, and then there’s the right way” and I could only think of booger, and then at world trivia night Lynn came back to our table and said “I was talking to some friends – oh, you know them, the Boners?” and I was like, OH, THAT OTHER rude way”.
I do know our friend and I have never in my life thought of Boner when it came to their name! All that changes now.
People’s lives are all so different and so interesting!
So my first thought was, “Isn’t Josh Duhamel something like 25 years old?” and then I googled him and he’s 51 and I had a bit of a moment. I feel like there’s a whole celebrity lifetime gone in a blink of an eye!
Also – funny that the people who were watching people were watching you!
I love that misty foggy winter picture. Yes, very different from the beaches and blue water, but just as beautiful.
Hahaha yeah, no one is mistaking my husband for a 25 year old! But yes, that is a whole moment when you realize a celebrity’s age, like the fact that Wilford Brimley was my age when he filmed Cocoon. WHAT.
I let Hannah eat snow and put her nose in giant piles of whatever is left now that the warming has happened and then she suffered days of GI distress and now there will forever be NO MORE EATING SNOW. You’re right that dogs should be able to handle it, but apparently MY DOG’S GI TRACT IS A PRECIOUS SNOWFLAKE. I am not at all bitter about this.
When my husband’s cousin got married, their first dance was to a song called “Strokin'” and they did an apparently filthy choreographed routine and my husband’s family was APPALLED. (Unfortunately, I was not at this wedding for a detailed report of the dance.) So I did not bat an eyelash at Baby Got Back. Seem appropriate to me, I guess.
Honestly, I bet you look just as good as Fergie or Miss World America when they aren’t formally done up. You are fit, have good skin, are absolutely lovely (your smile! your spot-on eyebrows!), and are hanging out with Josh Duhamel! (NOTE: I have no idea who Duhamel is.)
Ahahahahah I love the song Strokin! Oh, to be a fly on the wall. I love Baby Got Back, I was just a little…well, now that I’m thinking about it, I remember going to a wedding where the bride had specifically requested NOT to have the Thong Song played but somehow it still did get played. It was a whole thing. Oh weddings. So fun!
Also, you are SO kind, what a nice thing to say. Thank you!!!
I can see the resemblance between your husband and Josh Duhamel! And I can totally see why someone would leave a Miss World America for you, because you’re a lot more fun;-)
I can also imagine myself spending a day at the pool and being so absorbed in my book and pool life that I wouldn’t notice an epic make out session. Oh snap I’m just a week away from my own winter getaway.
Lol, you’re the best! Thank you!
Ooooh I am so excited for you and your getaway!
I LOVE people watching. It is built-in entertainment wherever I go!
True story!!
Such a fun post! I am also very curious about humans, especially while on vacation. And I love people-watching!
That night sky?? Gorgeous.
I love how someone thought your husband was Josh Duhamel. I’ve heard of him, but I wouldn’t be able to identify him in the wild. 🤣
I had never even heard of him!
The sky was so gorgeous that night – full moon, with intermittent clouds. Gorgeous!
This entire post was hilarious and had me laughing out loud. I also remember Josh Duhamel as being about 25 in my head… time flies!
I will check out that book as it sounds right up my alley.
Thanks so much, Leneigh! I just love short stories and especially short stories of a time period – and this was 1960s-70s New York, complete with small squishy apartment, etc. I liked it a lot!
The O face guy!! Oh! Oh! Oh! Haha. You have many great moments in this post Nicole. Many. I do love the word boner and used to always giggle at the concept of morning wood when I was younger. Okay, maybe I still do. Its just…wood? Really? I do think it is funny that you are SO observant but that you did not notice the make out session or the boner. My family loves a good people watch but my Mom has gotten a bit deaf and she likes to comment on the people we are watching and now her comments are NOT quiet! And it is just embarrassing instead of amusing and I feel like a teenager again, saying, Moooom, be quiet!
Hahahah oh mom!
I am SO glad you knew what I was talking about the O face! That movie cracks me up and that guy LOOKED JUST LIKE HIM. In fact, I had to look him up to see if it was possible it WAS him…but it turned out, he and his group were from Iowa.
I also can’t believe I missed the boner. It’s so not like me!
Josh Duhamel???? Tad Hamilton himself???? (AbsoLUTEly his best work.)
A+ post, that Duolingo screenshot sent me.
Hahahaha I am being introduced to a whole new world here! And I got that Duolingo WHILE I was on vacation, so that was fun and relevant!
OH MY GOD everything about this post is awesome. ESPECIALLY the make out couple and the wedding reception girls.
It was a really fun time for people watching!
Oh, Nicole! I’m going through some of those same readjustments from Mexican sunshine to receding snow. Also, I’m really, really excited to follow along on your gardening journey in Kelowna (although I don’t even know if you’re going to embark on one).
I can see the Josh Duhamel resemblance, and of course, I think you could be Miss World America or Canada or whatever geopolitical region you desire. I think those young women too were sincere in their adulation.
That book title is practically a siren call :). What a treasure Hilma Wolitzer is! I think I was introduced to her work by that last story you reference–is it about an old couple in NYC?
Maya, yes! I can’t remember the title of that story now. Maybe The Escape? But it was so good.
Oh girl, YES I am going to be gardening! There is going to be a lot of activity around here in a month or so, getting ready! Very exciting.
You’re SO sweet, thank you for the lovely compliment. xo
Legit excited about your garden!
Favorite part: “with his usual delicacy of manner.”
I have put the Hilma book on my To Read list.
I just loved it, Swistle!
Josh Duhamel should only be so lucky to share a room with you, Nicole! I do know him but I am from ND so he is our pride and joy. He has a ND tourism TV ad that we see quite often. I think he is very handsome in a non-intimidating kind of way? Like not a Jon Hamm kind of handsomeness.
Wow, that couple’s passion! I can’t wrap my mind around that because I am just so tired?? I read a lot on our Mexico trip last year but we also enjoyed people watching at the pool. There were SO MANY TATTOOS! And so many drunk middle-aged people! One time we got worried when a woman stumbled out of the pool to go to the bathroom. Her husband helped her get there and then returned but then she was gone for quite some time and we were wondering (quietly, between each other) when he might go check on her and whether I perhaps should go to the bathroom and make sure she wasn’t like passed out on the (disgustingly dirty) floor?
And now you’ve added another book to my hold list!
Lolololol “I can’t wrap my mind around that because I am just so tired?” Hahahaha yes. It takes a lot of energy to have hours-long makeout sessions. Who has the time? I mean, I guess on vacation one has all sorts of time. The last time my husband and I went to Mexico a fellow got SO drunk that by 3 in the afternoon he had to be escorted out of the pool. It was a relief because he was so drunk I was worried for his actual welfare.
What a story. I don’t know how I’d have reacted in the moment. But if nothing else I’d have been writing the blog post about it in the back of my mind.
Everything is copy, as Nora Ephron’s mother said!
If you’re looking for more Hilma Wolitzer, I enjoyed An Available Man.
I have that on my list! Thanks Jamie!
Now that your husband has been mistaken for Josh Duhamel, I can’t unsee it. He recently did a really silly reality show called Buddy Games, and it endeared me to him so much.
I love people watching but it makes me wish I could just sit everyone down and ask them all of the questions that are rumbling around in my head!
Stephany, YES. I would have loved to know the horny, PDA couple’s story. But then, what if it was just that they were spicing up their marriage? I liked my scandalous story that I had written in my head.
I had literally never even heard of Josh Duhamel, but now that I see him with some facial hair…I mean, there’s a resemblance! He used to get “you look just like Kyle McLaughlin” back in the Twin Peaks days (are you too young to know that reference?).
I had to look up Twin Peaks. I was 2 when it started airing, LOL. I’m such a wee baby!
Hahaha of course it would be before your time! And my husband is 10 years older than me, so he could kind of actually be your dad!
Ha, I know who Josh Duhamel is and I can see a slight resemblance with your husband… I agree with Lisa though that he’d be a lucky man to be even in the same room with you. Don’t sell yourself short, Nicole.
People watching is the best and I definitely contemplate their stories (or make some up for funs and giggles in my head LOL).
You’re too kind, thank you San!
Nicole, you made me laugh SO hard! Your husband DOES resemble Josh, but that’s not at all what I was laughing about. I just saw he (josh) and his lovely wife on a home makeover show (with Jeff Lewis: Hollywood Houselift) He’s a handsome guy and his wife is lovely too.
The mention of a boner at our age is funny and “I would assume that there would be a lot of chafing and possible cystitis involved in this holiday.” 🤣
I love to People watch too, so damn if I’d have missed the makeup session in the pool. 🙂
Oh wow, this is going to be one of those things that I hear about someone, and it turns out they are everywhere! I should look up that show.
I can’t believe I missed it AND IT WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
I am adding that book to my TBR, but of course it’s backed up for months at the library. Alas. And also. Wow. The wedding, the wedding party, the, um, couple getting it on in front of everyone? The people watching – it is epic. 🙂
I hope you enjoy the book when you get it!