In beginning of The Blind Assassin, my favourite book of all time, there is a scene where octogenarian Iris is presenting an award at the local high school, watching the graduates file on stage.
Up they trooped, solemn and radiant, in many sizes, all beautiful as only the young can be beautiful. Even the ugly ones were beautiful…None of them understands this – how beautiful they are.
I first read this book when it came out, in 2000, when I was only 25, and this scene resonated with me even then. I think about it all the time, particularly at this time of my life, particularly when I see groups of girls walking together, going home from school or hanging out at the mall. I always think they don’t understand how beautiful they are.
Because, let’s face it, they don’t. I mean, I didn’t! And I am not going to write about the perceived negative effects of aging and perimenopause on my face and body – that’s IMPLIED, my goodness – because the truth is that I feel so much more confident in my appearance now, at 48, than I did 30 years ago. I would rather FEEL beautiful, the way I do, than BE actually youthfully beautiful, with all the insecurity around my appearance that I had when I was youthfully beautiful.
Now, let us be clear, I’m not blind. I feel beautiful but I know how mirrors work. I realize that my neck looks like a striated tree trunk when I smile a certain way – but that certain way is when I’m really happy and excited. I realize that my forehead is lined from a lifetime of speaking expressively with my whole face and that I have lines around my eyes and mouth from laughing and smiling, but I think those are a pretty decent price to pay for visual reminders of joy and happiness. I realize that my breasts resemble semi-deflated water balloons and require feats of engineering in the bra department, and that my waistline isn’t quite so defined anymore, but I HAVE breasts, which I do not take for granted, having so many friends go through cancer treatments, and if my pants are a little tight at the waist, well, it’s a sign of enjoying my life and also that, perhaps, my incredibly frequent Ladies’ Holidays might be nearing the end. I rejoiced at the expansion of my waist during pregnancy, and while I am not rejoicing, I refuse to be upset with the expansion of my waist during perimenopause. It’s just a new stage of life, and also, elastic waistbands exist.
Listeners of Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend will be very familiar with the segment “Just Me Or Everyone?” where guests will talk about something that they do or think, and wonder if it is something only they experience or if everyone else is experiencing the same thing. I love this segment. I, too, feel sadness and concern when I see a little boutique or restaurant that is empty! I, too, feel guilt when dusting up a spider web, thinking I destroyed the hard work of an industrious little arachnid who is trapping pesky bugs for my benefit!
When I see groups of young girls, and I think of that quote from The Blind Assassin, I want to actually go up to them and interrupt their conversations about whatever young girls discuss to tell them how beautiful they all are. I mean, I have to remind myself that this would be a creepy and strange thing to do. Imagine! Imagine how weird that would be! But I see teen girls, and I know – I KNOW – that they are filled with that special kind of female self-loathing perpetuated by our patriarchal society that makes girls and women think that their worth lies completely in their physical appearance, I know that they are all dissatisfied with their faces or their hair or their bodies or all of the above, and I want to pull over my car, jump out, and tell them to their beautiful, youthful faces how gorgeous they are. Probably they wouldn’t believe me anyway. Probably they would just live with their loathing until several decades go by and they look at photos of their younger selves with wonder. Is it just me, or does everyone want to do this too?
Speaking of the youth, is it just me or does everyone get confused when people change their names on Instagram? This seems to happen quite frequently, and it always throws me off. Who is that? I’ll think as something shows up on my feed. Where did they come from, why am I following them? Finally I’ll realize that my friend’s daughter simply changed her handle for the fifth time, or that random follower from my YMC days got divorced, or that I’m not even following that person at all, they are simply “suggested for me.”
Despite occasional confusion, I do love Instagram. Mostly because I am nosy and I love little peeks into other people’s lives; I realize that what people share and the reality of their lives can be two different things and yet, I love it. I most certainly understand that no life is a highlight reel of fabulous vacations, brilliant, high-achieving children, or even good hair days; there is a side of everyone’s life that they don’t always care to show.
Later in The Blind Assassin, twenty-something Iris visits her childhood home and stands looking pensively at the portrait of her grandmother who she never knew, a portrait that had been there her whole life. With insight gained from her own life experience, Iris thinks I bet you were alleycatting around…I bet you had a secret life. I bet it kept you going.
Is it just me, or does everyone occasionally become struck with the idea that every single person we encounter has a whole side of themselves that few to no one sees; perhaps a secret life, like Iris’, but usually it is just a personal side of themselves. I remember this striking me incredibly when I was a young woman working on the trade floor for an energy company. There I was, surrounded by men in a professional atmosphere, everyone working and making decisions and, in some cases, screaming at people on the corded phones. I remember seeing all of their wedding rings glinting in the harsh overhead fluorescent lights, which, by the way, did not contribute to a feeling of positivity about my own face and appearance, see above for “self-loathing,” and I thought All these men are married. All of these men, who are currently swearing at their screens, presumably bought rings and nervously paced while preparing to propose, all of these men have a secret life that I know nothing about. And on the flip side, their spouses probably had no idea what their work life was like, probably they did not know the gritty details of their days and had no idea, while sitting across from them at the dinner table, that they spent many hours of the day tersely shouting at their brokers and were possibly being recommended by HR to take anger management courses.
People contain multitudes, is what I’m saying, and sometimes I feel something nearing awe at the idea. Every person has a multifaceted story and a secret side of life.
When I was visiting my parents last week, my mom and I went to my friend Merry’s Mercantile – if you are in Central Alberta, you MUST go – and when I saw that card in her display, I laughed until my stomach hurt and immediately purchased several. I am loathe to imagine anyone at all doing the deed, but there is something particularly unsettling and disturbing about one’s parents taking a trip to pound town. I’m sure my own children share this sense of horror and have mentally blocked out any such idea. Secret sides of life, we all have them.
Weekly Reading
The Librarian Of Burned Books. This book of historical fiction brings attention to the Armed Services Editions, books sent to soldiers in WWII, alongside book burning in Germany in 1933, and banned and censored books through the war. It also looks at the treatment of the LGBTQ community in Nazi Germany and what it means to be a bystander, and it felt like all these subjects, sadly, still have relevance today. It’s interesting and culturally relevant but I will say that unfortunately I found this book to be more of a “Tell” instead of a “Show.” That aside it’s still a pretty decent read, with different and connected characters.
This Is Big: How The Founder of Weight Watchers Changed The World (and me). Woof. This was one of the most depressing books I have ever read. Talk about self-loathing brought on by our culture of shame, judgement, and obsession. The book itself is well-written and is designed in a really unique way: the biographical chapters about Jean Nidetch, founder of Weight Watchers, are alternated with memoir chapters, where the author details her year of joining Weight Watchers and her life of weight cycling and, frankly, self-hatred. It is kind of hard to read: the author was put on her first diet before she was five years old, and her parents basically body-shamed her for her entire life (“you don’t need the bread basket.”). The author admits that she spent her entire life obsessed with food, diets, and hating her body and while I wish this was a unique experience, I feel like it isn’t. It’s an extreme case but I would say that every woman in this world has spent a great deal of time in the same way, and it is shitty. It is SHITTY. It is sad and depressing and terrible. The parts about Nidetch are fascinating and also very depressing. She built an empire, but after the sale of Weight Watchers to Heinz, she was no longer president, and kind of floundered, gambling and shopping and basically trading food for other obsessions. She ended up dying alone, with less than a million in the bank, and given she made a LOT of money, this is really saying something. I finished this book and just stared into space for a while.
Well. On that note, let’s pivot a little and look forward to the week ahead. We have a birthday to celebrate, I have some fun things planned, and the weather promises to be gorgeous. I hope you have a gorgeous week as well. xo
Yes!!! I do this too – I see groups of young women and think how beautiful they are. All of them. I wish there were some way to communicate this knowledge but I suppose it is one of those special gifts of sight that come only with age and experience and cannot be translated to the youth. I think as I age I have become in some ways less judgmental about appearance and I welcome it; where I might have been snarky about a clothing or hair color choice a decade or so ago, I now marvel at the confidence and individuality of these decisions. Being yourself! It is so precious!
That birthday card is hilarious. And I am with you on wondering about people’s hidden lives. Especially couples who seem to be ill matched or who have relationships that are so dissimilar to my own. What is it like to be in that marriage??? People are so interesting and we get such tiny glimpses of them!
I am also so much less judgmental now, whereas before I would wonder “why is she wearing that” I now think “go you!” I love that, actually. Live your life!
I often wonder about other people’s relationships and how it works and what they do and wow, the world is endlessly entertaining and interesting!
You’ve written before about complimenting girls at a high school event, I love that about you, Nicole! Yes, young girls deserve to know how lovely they are in as many non creepy ways as possible.
I will say though, that I can see many young people break out of the old modes of beauty and size. I love the way they use makeup as self expression (rather than to highlight or embellish a certain feature) and how they dress in ways that celebrate fashion (seemingly without regard for body size expectations). There’s a great scene in the Sex and the City reboot (AJLT), where Charlotte is inspired by her young colleagues who’re wearing belted dresses without worrying that belts make their bellies look poofed out or whatever.
That card is HILARIOUS!!! And also: GROSS! 😀
Hahahah hilarious and gross was exactly my thought!
And yes! It’s so fun to see people express themselves through fashion, hair, and makeup. It’s so much fun!
I haven’t read The Blind Assassin in decades, but I remember liking it. Maybe I should give it a re-read.
I guess that’s why they say youth is wasted on the young. It is sad, though, how little they see it sometimes.
Oh Steph, please do reread it and then we can talk about it!!!
And seeing StephLove here reminded me… Nicole, perhaps you’ve already read it… but Emma Cline’s _The Girls_ captures this mood so brilliantly.
I have not read it! But I am putting it on the list if it comes from both you and Steph!
That postcard. I know, eh?!
That WW books sounds like one I think I should avoid – what a heavy, sad, and yet oh-so-relevant topic.
I wish I knew now back when I was 20. I think I’d look at the world – and myself – a lot differently. I try to tell my daughter REGULARLY how beautiful she is because wow the world is a hard place to grow up these days, especially in middle/high school. And the messages we’re all bombarded with are hard to ignore 🙁
Elisabeth, I am going to recommend you NOT read that book. It’s SUCH a bummer of a book, I still feel kind of depressed and despairing.
You said something like this when- I think- your son went to prom. You mentioned that all the girls in his group were so beautiful, like all young people are, and how they didn’t realize it. I always think about that- it’s so true! I look at my daughter and her friends, and they’re SO BEAUTIFUL. And they’re focused on their skin and hair and bodies and all the things they don’t like. I agree with you- I’d rather FEEL beautiful now, than actually be back there when I really was beautiful. Although, can’t we somehow merge the two worlds- give me back that youthful beauty and I swear this time I’ll appreciate it!!!
Often when I’m giving a massage I’ll start thinking about what the person’s life is like. I’ll think how he or she is someone’s son or daughter, I”ll look at their finger to try to figure out if they’re married, I’ll imagine them at work… it’s fun. Fascinating to think about all the things we don’t know about the people we meet.
Yes, that’s right, Jenny. It was my older son’s grad and I just couldn’t get over all the beautiful girls in their fancy dresses. And I overheard them talking trash about themselves in the bathroom (“my arms are so fat, my hair is so gross, etc”)
Sometimes I think like that in the grocery store, I’ll see someone and just idly wonder what their life is like!
As they say, youth is wasted on the youth.
I am hopeful that this generation of kids can be raised with less body hatred than we were. I’m working hard on it with my kids, and I know a lot of my peers are too. It’s been good for me, too, to learn to speak and think of myself and my body kindly.
Oh gosh, when we were kids! It was so hard and there WAS just so much body hatred. It’s good for us to model kindness to ourselves for the next generation.
I’ve never read your favorite book [hangs head in shame] nor have I noticed people changing their names on Instagram [which would confuse me]. Are you on Threads yet? You can be who you are there, the same as on Instagram.
I know that the ways in which people define ‘beauty’ can directly influence their acceptance or rejection of being told they’re beautiful. I try to determine if that word is a loaded one before I use it to describe someone. Communication can be tricky, you know?
Oh, I think I know what you mean, Ally. I probably overuse the term, but so many things/ people/ ideas ARE beautiful to me. I have a hard time not saying it BUT it is a good thing to keep in mind!
I’m not on Threads, I’m not sure I have the space for any more social media platforms!
I so agree with you – young people probably don’t KNOW that they are beautiful. At our high school, I see most of the girls wearing identical outfits. Black Lulu leggings with a crop top. Lots of makeup. Why? Does anyone want be themselves instead of who they think everyone WANTS or EXPECTS them to be? It saddens me. I so disliked my looks, my hair, my handmedown flood-pants clothing, my glasses. Eek. If only I could go back and reassure myself, or if only I had a parent or someone tell me that I looked great. *sigh*
Over the weekend the weather was terrible for our tailgate at Notre Dame. It ended up improving, but I was so busy refilling food and serving chili, that I never climbed back into the van and changed out of my MEN’S SNOWPANTS and 6 layers, etc. I felt a little bummed that everyone else was dressed normally and I looked like an OOMP-LOMPA. Then I saw a photo someone took of me posing with my drink, because of a funny back stroy, and I thought – OH, I LOOK HAPPY AND MY SMILE SAYS IT ALL. And I realized my garbage man attire didn’t really matter. 😉
That birthday card is hilarious. I do agree, everyone has OTHER things going on and happening. When I am stressed out, or upset, I sometimes look around me and think – THESE PEOPLE ALSO HAVE THINGS THAT ARE GONG ON AND MAKING IT HARD TO FUNCTION, AND WE JUST DON’T KNOW IT.
The Shenanigans have a secret happening. I have SO many other things that have happened lately (Mini’s college roomie almost died last week and it was terrifying), but soon I plan to share the secret thing.
Oooooh my goodness, I hope Mini’s roommate is okay. That is absolutely terrifying. And I look forward to your secret happening!
I think happiness makes us beautiful! So yes, your snowpants probably didn’t matter at all!
I know what you mean, Nicole, young people are so beautiful, no matter their shape, size, or features. I hope that one day girls will be free from all the beauty expectations put on them. As for me, when I turned 50, I became invisible! It’s the strangest thing, but I rather enjoy it! There’s a feeling of freedom in being older that I wouldn’t trade for youth! And now I’m seeing beauty in older women that I’d never noticed before.
Michelle! I know what you’re saying! It’s so strange, the cloak of invisibility that we ladies of a certain age have on. It’s kind of nice actually. And when I was teaching senior’s yoga I would look at my ladies and think, god, they are all so gorgeous and glowy.
I too think from time to time of that secret inner life thing. It amazes me to think of all the people who’ve died with secrets: our ancestors had crushes on people! some of them had AFFAIRS! some of them HAD BABIES WHOSE PARENTS WERE NOT THE PRESUMED PARENTS! some of them were sent away as teenagers to have secret babies and then go back home and act like it never happened!! All these things!
And especially since The Greatest Generation was overall kind of huffy about Personal Things, so a lot of things WERE secrets, even things that wouldn’t be secrets now. I remember I once wondered aloud to my grandfather about why some of their friends—a couple they’d been close friends with for FIFTY YEARS—didn’t have children, and he sort of drew himself up and said he’d never thought to wonder. WHAT???? And I learned only from another relative’s obituary that she’d lost an infant daughter. People didn’t talk about things; I wish to know all those things; I will not get to.
And the young-people-are-beautiful thing, yes, and I remember when I was a teenager there were sometimes middle-aged women (aunts, mostly, it seems like, or Mother’s Friends) who would look at us all with shining eyes and tell us how beautiful we all were, and I know that feeling now the way I know the urge to tell young mothers how much I miss those days etc. But also, something that has happened to me just within the last few years, is that I will look around at my friends’ faces and think how beautiful they are—and I don’t remember doing that, say, ten years ago. We’ll be chatting, and yes drinking wine but that’s not why, and I will look at THEIR shining faces and think GAH they’re all so BEAUTIFUL. And we are none of us young! But it feels like our faces are getting carved with character and interest, in a way the young people’s smooth baby faces have not started.
And I am motivated to clarify: I don’t mean that I CHOOSE TO THINK how beautiful our aging faces are, or that I am TRYING TO SEE the wrinkles and sags as beautiful—I mean, it is something that is happening to me, just in the last few years, where that IS how I see it, at least on my friends’ faces if not quite my own. It is delightful.
Swistle, I understand this completely, because I have that feeling too! I think exactly like that with my girlfriends, and we are all getting older, and I just see THEM and how beautiful they are!
There were SO many things kept secret back then, particularly with the GG who NEVER talked about any of it! I discovered some things recently that made my eyebrows go up into my hairline, but they were Secrets that no one told anyone about!
That card. It’s reminiscent of the Mik Wright cards from the early 2000s. I would read them and laugh until I was in tears. That’s a good card. It reminds us that we are much more alike than we are different, which I believe is the best way to summarize this entire post. ❤️
Kari, every time I look at it I laugh SO hard, my goodness. Everything about it cracks me up.
I think that we very much see eye to eye on the whole aging process. I’m 42 and the weight is starting to shift down and while I don’t love it, I’ll take life in my 40s over the despair of my teens or 20s any day of the week. I’m more sure of who I am, what I like, whose opinions matter, how to dress myself, and how to stand up for myself than I was in my younger decades. I am less thin and have more wrinkles but oh well. I think it’s good for us to remember what a GIFT it is to age! So I have desire to botox-away my wrinkles. I understand why some choose to but I’m a hard pass. And yes I have undereye circles but oh well. It makes me think of the Theodore Roosevelt quote (which has very white male energy, but I like the point he’s making about being in the arena). I think of the wrinkles and undereye circles as my “dust and sweat and blood.”
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
Oof, that last read sounds a bit brutal… I’m reading R. Eric Thomas’ first collection of essays (Here For It) which I really like!
Yes, Lisa, this is exactly it! I know what clothes I like and what looks good/ feels good, and you know what, so what if my tummy is soft and round, I’m 48, THINGS ARE DIFFERENT NOW!
I always crack up at those black and white photo cards. For years, I was on a forum that mostly talked about sex (I know I’m weird) and I was AMAZED by the married couples who had no qualms openly discussing their sex lives with their children. I found it very disturbing because a) I would never want to know about my parents’ intimate life and b) my kids would rather die than discuss sex in any form with me! 🤣
Oh good god, I would never, I would NEVER discuss my sex life with my children and they would never want to hear it. I think that if my mother talking about having sex with my dad I would have just dropped dead, right there, no warning just…dead on the floor.
Yes yes yes I will take my 48 year old appearance gladly in return for how much more comfortable I feel in my skin now compared to when I was young. Those kids…they don’t know. But sigh, there really isn’t a way to tell them.
I kind of want to read This is Big, even though it sounds hella depressing. Sigh.
So the thing about This Is Big is that it WAS interesting to read about how WW came about. That was a super interesting thing! And then it was interesting to read about the company’s evolution. But the whole damn book is so depressing and made me just completely despair for us all. So…balance?
The self-confidence that comes with aging is remarkable. I definitely had betters skin, a tinier waist, and non-grey hair when I was a teenager, but I did not have the self-confidence that comes with life. I love others, I am loved, and my belly pooch does not define me. I wish all teenagers the ability to earn that self-confidence.
I think about everyone’s lives all the time. I see someone driving down the road. Where are they going? To the store? To their lover’s house? To adopt a dog? To buy cigarettes? I mean, I imagine it’s mostly mundane, but IMAGINE THE POSSIBLITIES.
Engie, same! Same! I’m always wondering where people are going and what they are doing.
Much like you, Nicole, I am enthusiastically curious about other people, their lives, their secrets all of it. I think this is partly why we are bloggers and social media users – to get a peek into other people’s lives.
And yes, these young girls have no idea just how gorgeous they really are. That is the one advantage to being older – we now have the confidence (most of the time) to accept ourselves as we are today.
This is such a smart comment, Gigi – I love the term enthusiastically curious! And we are confident enough to be satisfied and accepting.
I also want to tell young girls how beautiful they are, all the time. When we were away last week we had a young server who was stunning in an exotic way – I asked her if she grew up on Hawaii, and told her she was stunning. She gave me a very sincere & surprised “oh thank you!” Then I awkwardly mumbled something about old ladies (me, which I am to her…old) saying weird things.
I don’t think that’s weird at all Pat! I think it’s a lovely thing to say!
I read this at work yesterday, after just that morning watching a teenaged boy amble across the street in front of me at a red light carrying a Good Life bag and feeling acutely how different his life must be from mine – this kind of thing makes me insane sometimes if I follow it too far.
I totally agree about young people, although I still dislike the ‘youth is wasted on the young’ phrase, not even sure why. And I VEHEMENTLY agree about the fact that I would rather feel like I do now than look like I did then, even though I look at pictures and rage at myself for not thinking I was pretty.
I do shower compliments on strangers, and occasionally it lands badly and I am mortified, but more often it is a lovely exchange. And yesterday the woman I was picking up my contacts from told me the way I looked was “so bright and fun”, and well, how can that not be lovely to hear?
I think I might write about this too and link here – love you!
I don’t necessarily agree with “youth is wasted on the young” but I do think that I didn’t adequately appreciate my youth when I had it – and I don’t think probably anyone does, that’s why we go through this whole journey! I love the compliment “bright and fun” and I think that is a great descriptor for you in particular!
I realize I still have some work to do on loving the expanding numbers on the scale, even though I’ve amped up my strength training and exercise in the last 6 months. *sigh* I can’t believe I’ve never read The Blind Assassin, I’m adding it to my list!! I took my girls to the Taylor Swift movie and it was so joyful to see girls being happy and enjoying themselves. My hope is they went home and continued to revel in this joy and not try to ‘be’ or ‘look’ like Taylor Swift, marketing genius that she is. 🙂
Strength training is so important for women of our age! We need to fight the crumbling bones. At least, this is what I tell myself because I absolutely loathe it. But, it’s important. Also important is how fun you are to go to the movie with your girls!
Not just you. I have also had the temptation to stop and tell young women how lovely they are, and stopped myself because I know it would be creepy.
Imagining people’s lives and how different they are is amazing to me. Sometimes I see a homeless person, and I think, “Wow, she was a cherished baby once (I hope!) and something has gone really wrong in her life.” My weirdest thought along this line was last week, I was at a concert with thousands of other people, and I thought, “All of these people are human…which means every one of us came out of our mother’s vagina…” (Technically not those who were C-Section, but still…) I mean, WTF brain???
J, I also think that about homeless people, and how sad it is that their lives went on that turn. Now, I haven’t really had the vagina thought but…well, it’s true!
You are so right about all of this! I too would not like to go back to being ‘beautiful’ because it came with so many insecurities. Now? Not so fabulous (I mean, I do have good days) but having that ‘I don’t care what anyone thinks of me’ attitude is so freeing.
BTW: I have The Blind Assassin in my drawer, waiting to be read.
Thanks for the Laugh:::”there is something particularly unsettling and disturbing about one’s parents taking a trip to pound town” 😜😳
Well, I have to disagree with you, Suz. I disagree STRONGLY because you ARE fabulous, omg, Suz! You are SO fabulous. Any photo of you is just glowing and gorgeous.
The fact that there is a word (an invented one, but aren’t all words invented?) for “the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own” shows that you aren’t alone in that! Sonder.
I think that realizing that your life was much better than you thought at the time is one of those things you can never really express to people who haven’t grown older yet. It’s like having kids. I don’t know until you live it!
SONDER!!!! That is amazing, Sarah, thank you so much for that. Sonder! I love it! I had no idea!
I love this discussion about aging and confidence. When I think about the girl I was in my early twenties, I just want to give her a really big hug because she was FINE. I didn’t think I was and I wasted SO MUCH TIME being concerned about my belly and flabby arms. I feel so much happier with myself today and I spend a lot less time being self-conscious about my body or how loud my laugh is or what people think of me.
We already had this discussion on IG, but that WW book is going to be a big NO from me, dawg. It sounds really heartbreaking!
I know exactly what you mean, Stephany! I was so concerned about silly things that don’t matter – but I guess that’s the big reward of aging, to feel great in your own skin!
I often think, as I’m stuck in traffic – “All these people in all these cars … going somewhere, possibly home, to lives and partners and pets and kids and dinner. All these things that I get to go home to, there is a freeway of cars full of people who are doing the same thing.” It always blows my mind a little that so many people can be living lives too.
Diane, YES! I often think “where is everybody going?” It’s fascinating!
A lot of good points here! The first part about the young people being beautiful… I was running a few years (or so) ago and I run right through the Cal Berkeley campus and all the girls had those high wasted shorts with their butt cheeks hanging out, and my first (prudish 40 year old) thought was that they should cover their buttocks!! Then I thought to myself, hey if you’ve got it, flaunt it…and I wish my buttocks still looked that good! I mean, nobody wants a 40 year old letting their butt cheeks hang out from the bottom of their shorts (except maybe Pamela Anderson Lee) but those 20 years olds should do it while they can!
Re the trading floor dudes, YES! I do wonder sometimes what people’s home lives are like, what their wives/husbands see in them vs. what we (as coworkers) do, what our loved ones do at work or how their coworkers see them…its a weird thought process. I know that when I first started working at Nordstrom (stockings, three piece suits) everyone saw me as a prissy cheerleader when in fact I was SO MUCH more comfortable in my sweat pants at home with my friends, drinking 40s and chilling! We each get a different slice of each other, don’t we?
I feel like as I’ve gotten older I have gotten so much less judgmental about other people’s sartorial choices! Your example about the tiny shorts reminded me of how I used to think disdainful thoughts at women my age or older wearing such items, but now I just think, well, work it! Why not? YOLO and you might as well wear what you like, you know?
And YES, we only see small slices of people, unless those people, you know, have a blog and overshare like me! But even then, there are sides no one sees!
Oh, I have not read that book (but I put it on my to-read list immediately).
It’s so interesting that we can share so much with other people and they still only know the half of it… I often wonder about the “other sides” of people that I never get to see.
Jon keeps saying to me that his most favorite thing I ever said to him was that “I wish other people could see him the way I do”…. and I think that perception is such an interesting concept in every context, and self-perception is particularly interesting over time. Why can’t we see the beauty in ourselves when we’re younger and why can’t we even convey it verbally to a younger person with them understanding?
San, you’re right, perception is so interesting. It’s fascinating to think about seeing things from others’ eyes!