In addition to thousands and thousands of song lyrics, my head is filled with quotes from various movies and television shows. Rarely these days do I watch a movie or television, or if I do, the plots or lines don’t stick with me, so most of these quotes are from popular culture dating back to the 80s and 90s. These quotes will pop into my head randomly, depending on the circumstances.
Whenever I feel like my internal emotional state does not match what is happening with the rest of the world, I instantly think of Groundskeeper Willie on a mechanical bull, saying “Ach! How come no one else’s chair is doing this?”
This is how I felt this past week, like everyone else has been sedately enjoying their beverages on regular chairs, and I am flailing around on a mechanical bull. And I want to point out that in no way am I a catastrophic thinker; I tend to be optimistic and feel that Everything Will Work Out, with, apparently, one exception, and that exception is possible interruptions to my children’s education.
I think perhaps I have some kind of low-level PTSD from school cancellations during the pandemic. I know many people did not mind online, at-home schooling, and some people even enjoyed it and saw their children thrive, but for our family, it was terribly detrimental and I still cannot think about that time without feeling fluttery panic in my chest. Just remembering the initial closing of the schools, which was something that I never before considered even a remote possibility, has me in full Riding The Mechanical Bull Mode.
Last Sunday my husband drove to Calgary, where he needed to be for two weeks for work. This is the longest we have been apart for the entirety of our marriage, but originally that was not going to be the case. The initial plan was that he would drive out, and then fly home to help my older son move to the university dorms this past weekend, and then fly back to Calgary for this coming week. This did not happen for two reasons, and the first was that due to the fires, most flights were grounded or cancelled, and we weren’t sure if he would be able to make it either here or back, and we didn’t want him stranded one way or the other. The second reason is that my son’s move-in date was postponed, again, due to the fires.
We had paid extra for our son to move in a week early, and then to participate in a special orientation week for first-year students. It looked like a lot of fun, and we really wanted him to have that experience, so it was very disappointing to discover that the week was cancelled and his move-in date postponed to this coming weekend. Do not get me wrong: I am happy to have him at home for an extra week and I realize that there are many worse things in the world than missing out on what is essentially a fun and fairly frivolous experience, but on hearing about the cancellation I immediately found myself on the mechanical bull. Everyone in the house, including my son, took this disappointment in stride, but I started thinking what if the university never opens back up, what if the fires just keep going and going, what if the whole university burns to the ground, what if he has to do online learning, what if after this whole gap year and his hard work to get into this program it is all for nothing, all for nothing, all for nothing, how come no one else’s chair is doing this.
Well. It’s fine. IT IS FINE. All signs point to a university start date eight days from now, and a single day of orientation, and it’s going to be FINE. Of all the disasters in the world this doesn’t even register on the disaster scale, it’s like trying to weigh a half cup of flour on a bathroom scale, it is miniscule. And yet.
My friend Hannah (HI HANNAH) sent me information on how wildfire smoke can affect not just a person’s physical, but also their mental health, and that really explained a lot, not just with me and my university panic, but with people I observed around me this past week. Mostly that consisted of people I see daily on the walking path and at the dog park, and let me stress that the vast majority of those people are absolutely lovely. However, there are some people who are, for lack of a better word, total weirdos.
These men – and they are all men – are constantly bad-mouthing other people and dogs to me and, I assume, other innocent bystanders. The feeling I get is a very unpleasant one of being recruited to take their respective sides, the likes of which I haven’t felt since my days as chair of the School Council/ Parent Association, when I would be pulled into multiple directions for such controversial and impassioned topics as Fun Lunch: Who Is In Charge, and Fresh Fruit Fridays: Yes or No. I do not like hearing from strange men that the black French bulldog is aggressive or that the brown mutt named Rigsby is out of control, even if those things do appear to be true.
I try to keep to myself, which, as we all know, really goes against my natural instincts. I can only assume that this weird five-way feud has been taking place since the beginning of time. I have definitely noticed that the dogs in question are sometimes poorly behaved and show aggressive tendencies, but because Rex has taken on the role of Big Friendly Buffoon in the dog park, no one bothers him, and I keep a smiley, but cool, distance from these men.
Last week in the height of the smoke, I entered the dog park and one of the usual men came right up to me and said, loudly, “Watch out for that German shepherd, he’s attacking ALL THE DOGS.” I looked at the German shepherd, who was calmly sniffing a tree, and his owner nearby who clearly overheard this, and I just nodded and said “Okay, thanks,” putting my earbuds in and walking the loop while Rex bounded around like the clown he is. While I was admiring Rex’s run-and-barrel-roll routine, I heard shouting and swearing, culminating in threats to get the fuck out of here before I make you wish you had. What. I watched this out of the corner of my eye, thinking that I was actually going to witness a physical brawl. The upshot of all of this was that the German shepherd owner allegedly did not scoop after his dog, and that person in question retorted that his dog had not defecated so there was no need to scoop, and a third person announced that he filmed the entire thing on his phone, including the allegedly defecating dog, and that he was going to send the video in to the local news station. Gross. I leashed up Rex and left the dog park.
I have not seen the Feuding Fellows since, and I did mention this upsetting altercation to a very nice woman at the park later in the week. “Ugh,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I know who you’re talking about. THOSE GUYS.” I had thought perhaps tempers were frayed and that could be blamed on the smoke and the negative impact it has on everyone’s mental and emotional well-being, but it appears they are just regular assholes.
Weekly Reading
This week’s reading is brought to you by Elizabeth Strout!
Anything Is Possible. The follow up to My Name Is Lucy Barton is a dive into all the people’s lives in the stories from the first book. It’s an incredible peek into family life, secrets, classism, and connections. I love it. It’s a reread for me and another book that I get more out of each time I read it.
Oh William! The third of the Lucy books, and this one deals with her relationship with her former husband. These books are so compelling to me, and so compassionate. This is another reread for me, but so worthwhile. I love how Strout writes about secrets and reveals character traits in such subtle ways. Gorgeous.
Lucy By The Sea. Finally! The reason for the rereads! I received this for Christmas and wanted to reread all the previous books before starting on it – I really recommend doing this, it is an excellent reading experience. This book delves into the pandemic and all the political and social things that happened during that time. Like all the books, it is about love and family, class and divides in society, and crossing those lines. This book did a great job of illustrating how we all felt during those early days of the pandemic: the feeling of things not being real, the inability to take in the news, the boredom and tedium of life when we couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. This was moving and emotional, and included characters from her other books, as Lucy and William experience lockdown in Maine.
It’s the last week of August! I can hardly believe it. What a blur this summer has been. I am crossing my fingers and sitting in lotus for a smooth week ahead, and I hope you all have a good one as well. xo
So glad it was a good book week again, Nicole!
I was surprised about your hubs being at work… I thought your move had been enabled by retirement! I must be projecting my own fantasies, ha. But what a week to not have him around! I hope the shortened orientation works great for your older kid. I always think kids with a gap year under their belt are so amazing at college, so maybe he doesn’t need the extra orientation. (And I hope you get a refund on the extra you paid.)
I hope you have a chair in which to sip delicious beverages, read amazing books, and look out on your amazing views this week!
Thanks Maya, the gap year was really great for him and he is so ready to be at school! I think we are SUPPOSED to get a refund, but it hasn’t happened yet…
Well, I envy your usual optimistic self ! I can spiral down in catastrophic thinking at any time… takes a lot of mental energy not to do it. And SO HARD when it is about your own children.
Hi Ann! It is SO hard when your kids are involved, but fingers crossed!
The stress about changes to schedules is very valid.
AND SO IS PTSD OVER FRUIT SALAD. I can’t believe you brought up the fruit salad. To soon, Nicole.
WHY DON’T YOU WANT CHILDREN TO EAT FRUIT, KOURTNEY
Ugh, that would be hard to deal with! I mean- it’s just a week. But you’re all geared up for this and it’s disconcerting not to have it go on schedule. And, believe me- I’m still bitter about what happened school-wise with the pandemic. My son missed his SENIOR YEAR of high school!!! He’s over it, but I’m still heartbroken over the things he missed. So yes- I would be upset over anything that reminds me of that time.
Those people in the dog park… why, why why are people like that??? It’s like they’re looking for a battle to fight. I love your description of Rex as Big Friendly Buffoon. i hope you can keep enjoying the dog park despite the aggressive humans.
i haven’t read any Elizabeth Strout! You’re making me curious though. Can I read Lucy By the Sea first, or would you really recommend starting from the beginning?
I know, I think it was just so hard on the teens. I’M NOT OVER IT!
Here’s your fair dues warning, since I know you love plot: these books are not plot heavy at all. I love them, but you might not. I don’t think I’d read Lucy By The Sea first, I think it might be a bit confusing with the characters. I mean, you could, but I think the best way to read them is in order, as there are lots of overlapping characters.
OMG. Jerks at the dog park. Who would have thought!! What in the world. I hope you don’t have more encounters with them. My heart kind of raced just thinking about that. I do not handle conflict well AT ALL.
Ugh I can understand the PTSD around school closures. I don’t think there was an “easy” stage for kids to be in during the pandemic, but I actually think my kids ages weren’t all that bad. Paul turned 2 in March 2020 and Will was born in Dec 2020. It was tough having my entire pregnancy during the pandemic and for Will to be born when we were at peak covid cases/full hospitals/etc. But our daycare never closed! We did keep Paul home for 7 weeks until my 8 week ultrasound but then sent him back for my mental health… I think it would have been far harder to have school-aged kids! Or like a kindergartener?? Or a HS kid who missed landmark things like prom or graduation, etc. I vividly remember sitting with my MIL on her porch in the summer of 2020 and her commenting on how we might all still be home and schools might still be closed when Paul started K in 2023 and I was like -HELL TO THE NO. I could not have that kind of catastrophic view of life… I could not imagine a world where, 3 years from then, we’d still be in lock down. Things were so uncertain then, so I guess it was a possibility, but I had to choose to believe life would be more normalish by then. Thank goodness that is the case.
I saw two of the guys this morning! I didn’t hear any fighting but I also just put my earbuds in 🙂
I agree, there isn’t any “good” age for children for the pandemic, but I think the hardest for working parents would have been elementary aged kids. I just don’t know how people managed at all. I guess your kids probably won’t remember much if anything from pandemic times, which is a good thing!
I am too fragile for the emotionality of Elizabeth Strout, I have decided. I appreciate your love for her, but I’m going to just keep reading books about magic and love stories and avoid pain and complicated family relationships.
It makes total sense to me that people might be on edge because of the smoke! It’s affecting your whole body, including your brain! I guess I wouldn’t have thought about it in those terms until you pointed it out, but of course!
Engie, I still feel bad that you read Lucy Barton and I would absolutely NOT recommend any of the other books to you, but particularly not Anything Is Possible. I love those books but they will not be at all for you.
There’s no doubt about it, having a wildfire in the area is going to mess with you. Keeping in mind that the only experience that I’ve had with them was this summer when we had a few smoky days, but those were super weird days.
Ugh on the “Park Dog Police”. Not that it matters, but do those guys even have dogs or do they just hang out in the park? Creeps.
Yes, they all have dogs and none of their dogs are particularly well behaved, so no one is the “nice guy” in this situation. I can only think that this feud has been going on a long time, given my brief conversations with some nice women in the park.
The dog park situation sounds terrible. I hope they don’t show up again. It’s a bit like parents who get angry at coaches. The dogs don’t care. The kids don’t care. Why do the owner/parents get their underwear tied up in horrible (and potentially dangerous) knots. Sigh.
What a stressful situation with the university start and a disappointing start. But it sounds great that things are still set to go ahead on schedule with classes beginning and maybe they’ll incorporate more frosh-week activities into the early weeks of the academic term to compensate for the changing schedule? I am with you 100% on the pandemic was HORRIBLE for my kids schooling. They turned into shells of themselves and it was just so sad to watch kids who had loved reading and learning CRYING over being forced to do gym class online. Don’t get me started on that one (I offered to take pictures and videos of my kids going on walks and bike rides, but the gym teacher OF MY SON IN GRADE PRIMARY said his report card would reflect if my son didn’t attend the online gym class which was a YouTube video. You mean it’s better for my son to look at a screen and do jumping jacks – while the connection goes in and out and everyone is frustrated – over going outside and playing. Okay, I got myself started…I said screw it and let him skip online gym in favour of going outside).
Elisabeth, I saw two of the guys this morning! And one of them, his dog was behaving aggressively! Not to Rex, who is about ten times that dog’s size, but still. I just keep to myself and try not to talk to anyone except some nice women I’ve met there.
Your comment reminded me of my son doing online gym class in his room. I’d just hear thumping and he was doing burpees or what have you. What a weird time that was.
I’m struggling with the fact that someone took a video of a dog taking a dump. What on earth? I feel like ‘if a bear shits in the woods’ could somehow make sense here. What nonsense. It reminds me that some people just have TOO much time on their hands.
Sorry about the missed orientation. That is disappointing. I hope that the college works in a few unique opportunities for the new students to get acclimated.
I haven’t read Elizabeth Strout. I’ve added her books to my list. I wonder which one I should start with.
Ernie, ME TOO. Imagine having a video on your phone of someone’s else’s dog taking a shit. IMAGINE DOING THAT. And then sending it into the news station, what. Like the news is going to show that. WHAT EVEN.
If you are going to read the four ES books I just mentioned, I would go in order of publication. There is a lot of overlap between the books, with all the characters, and I think it would be confusing not to go in order.
I feel bad for sending you the TikTok of the smoke above the clouds on Instagram. I was literally adding fuel to your fire. By the way, my chair can also be a mechanical bull at times. A lot more times than I’d like to admit. I believe post-pandemic lockdown disorder is real. PPLD.
I hate the fact that there is drama in such a beautiful setting as the dog park. I’m sorry. 😘
Someone had previously recommended Elizabeth Strout to me. I have her on my TBR list.
No no, don’t feel bad!!
It’s funny how sometimes things just hit you. Like, a delay in the university move-in, and all I could think of were those awful days when it was announced that school was closed…indefinitely. Woooooo I have to go do some deep breathing now.
Elizabeth Strout is one of the most talented writers of our time, in my opinion. Her writing is gorgeous, and bleak all at the same time.
Ugh yeah there are dog parks I won’t go to (I live in a very dog friendly area so I’m lucky to have a pretty wide choice of places) and times I won’t go to the dog park I prefer due to these kinds of interactions. I just want to let my dog run around and chase a ball and play with some other dogs. I don’t need a lot of social stress along with that, thanks…
Isn’t it nuts? I feel like I COULD go to a different dog park, but why should I change my course due to some weirdos? So I’m just putting in my earbuds and going about my business.
I wish I could blame the attitude of many Americans on wildfire smoke, but unfortunately, it seems the world is becoming full of people who are easily triggered. You know what they say though, ‘hurt people, hurt people”. I am trying to be kind where I can in response. It helps to read anything by Elizabeth Strout too-is there anything more poignant?
You know, Laura, you’re right. Hurt people hurt people, and I found ES really poignant to read this week. There was a part in Lucy By The Sea where she really puts herself in the shoes of her sister, and has a moment of clarity, and that has stayed with me.
Honestly, stuff like not having the orientation week would have disappointed me so much more than it would for my son. I think we have the advantage of looking at college in our rear view mirror and wishing it was our move in day! I really feel for all these kids who’ve missed out on those special once-in-a-lifetime experiences (and now I’m thinking of the Talking Heads song!)
Well, you already know how much I love all of those books. When I read Lucy By the Sea, it was the first book I’d read that had anything to do with the pandemic. It was so strange to me at the time, but now I’m seeing it more and more.
Yes, Bijoux, I think you’re right about wishing it was our move-in day!
I have read a couple of books that dealt with the pandemic, and this one sure brought back a lot of memories.
This is an interesting revelation because you seemed to cope so well through the pandemic; goes to show that we all have our Individual Things that stress us out and send us into tailspins. That being said, I felt so sad/bad for young people and teens during all the lockdown and online schooling. It is life shaping time that was altered/lost.
I just bought Olive Kitteredge for $1.99 on my Kindle! I’ve never read any Strout before.
Thanks Erin, I feel like I did the best I could but the school stuff was pretty hard – my younger son, who is a real extrovert, especially suffered being in his room on a screen for hours a day.
Report back on Olive Kitteredge! I liked that book a lot too, but not as well as the Lucy Bartons.
Those guys at the park – and trying to pull people into their situation. GAH, why are people SO angry? It seems like I see that more often than not these days.
I’m sorry your son’s orientation/move in was delayed. I imagine it did bring back the early pandemic vibe.
Woooo did it EVER bring me back to that time, but he has a scheduled move-in time now so FINGERS CROSSED ALL GOES WELL!
The pandemic was really rough on North, as you know. I think it affected them in ways that are still reverberating. Noah missed a lot, too (more than a year of college!) but he was better able to roll with it.
I’m glad M will be on his way to school soon.
Me too! One of the reasons for a gap year was that he really didn’t want even the smallest possibility of remote learning for university. Fingers crossed!!
Oh gosh, the dog park. I never thought anywhere could be worse for people trying to make small talk than a child’s playground but alas I was wrong – the dog park is worse, much worse! At least in my experience. I really prefer to just get in, do our walk and get out when it comes to the dog park and I too use earbuds to my advantage to do so. We have a local “dog community” Facebook page here where people are often complaining about certain dogs 🙄 luckily my girl, Nia, is very easygoing and friendly and gets along with almost every dog she meets!
I don’t mind small talk at all, actually I am the Queen of Small Talk, but I don’t like how with some of the dog park people “small talk” is replaced with “talking shit about other people in the park.” It’s really weird and I haven’t experienced anything like this before! I’m sure Rex would love Nia, he’s a really friendly dog too.
Sounds like Dog Park Dudes are your version of Condo Commandos–the men around here (and yes, it always seems to be men) who are fiercely protective of their condo’s grounds. Years back, my mother got scolded for cutting through a neighboring condo’s property when she was hurrying to get a letter to the post box the next street over before the pickup. She wasn’t even walking on the grass, though what harm she would have done it I can’t imagine (the grass down here is not delicate, trust me), she was on their driveway but Mr. Nosey had to tell her she shouldn’t be doing that. Why?
Oh, THOSE kind of guys. I know exactly the ones who you are talking about! Ugh!
First of all, I love the video clips! They made me laugh and they were the perfect illustrations for your writing! Second, I’m sorry to hear about the dog park duds. I can’t even imagine taking a picture or video of a dog pooping! I think you’re handling the situation very well. I don’t know why some people have to be like that.
Imagine being a person who takes a VIDEO of a dog pooping, and then keeping that video on your phone. IMAGINE.
The dog park guys? I can’t even. WHY!?!?
Even more, though — what are these guys like with their families? Or, is it some macho guy aggression thing that only surfaces around other men? I think there is a lot of stress and anger in the world. I find it all very sad.
I do think that kids & even young adults roll with disruptions and disappointments easier than we do. Is it because they came of age in covid times and they had no choice but to adapt? Is it because they are more resilient than us in middle age?
I just started reading Everything All At Once. Not sure if I heard of it here? Good writing, but heart-wrenching and not sure if I’m up for it, but I’m reading it anyway.
Take care and I hope you have a great celebratory dinner before your son moves into his dorm. Those days feel like a million years ago for me, but at the same time like it was just yesterday.
Chrisoula, I didn’t even THINK about what they would be like with their families, but of course you could be very right. It is very sad.
I didn’t read that book but I have heard of it.
I do feel like my kids dealt with Covid better than I would have if I was their age. But who’s to say? What a time.
Okay, I appreciate you complaining with perspective, but the move-in week being cancelled because of fire this soon after all the stuff cancelled by the pandemic SUCKS and would absolutely have thrown me for a loop, along with your husband being sort of trapped even if not actually trapped. And I absolutely felt the mental health effects of the smoke here, and the fires weren’t nearly as close.
That dog park business would be really upsetting for anyone, let alone a sweet friendly person like you. I hope they don’t show up too often.
Thanks Allison, I have seen a couple of the guys since then, but not at the same time, so it’s been calm and quiet…but for how long!
Wow, your dog park situation does not sound fun at all! I hope you can stay away from all of that drama. And of course it’s the men causing the drama. AS THEY DO.
I imagine you have a lot of PTSD from those early pandemic times, especially because of what your boys had to go through. There is so much we haven’t fully healed from! And then to see something similar happen AGAIN due to a force outside your control. How awful. <3
Thanks so much Stephany. I feel like I could have sailed through the pandemic if it weren’t for the kids and all the things they missed out on.
Two weeks is the longest you’ve been apart for the entirety of your marriage! We’ve been apart for a 3 weeks, maybe a month, every once in a while along the way. Always for work or schooling, not because we couldn’t stand each other. I never thought about this aspect of marriage before. You’ll do fine on your own.
I just bought the first three Lucy books, will look for the latest one the next time I order more books. I didn’t care for the first book when I read it, but later when I reread it I felt better about it. Anyhow I thought I’d read the whole series through in order, immerse myself in someone else’s life.
The dog situation sounds oddly dramatic and threatening. What a weird situation to have found yourself in.
Ally, we have had time away from each other here and there, but it has always been less than two weeks – even when he took the boys to Alaska, it was less than that. So it feels like a long stretch but of course, I’m just fine.
I’ll be interested to hear your take on Lucy Barton!
So much drama at the dog park!?!? And I bet the dogs are all like, “Dad! Cut it out!!! Can we just go home?”
I think even when things *will* all be fine, it’s okay if it isn’t *currently* fine or settled. Because we have to get through the sh*tshow of now to get to “fine”. That underlying “not currently fine” makes me so unsettled even when I’m reminding myself things will be okay.
I hope you have some good times with your son in these bonus days!
I’ve never read any Elizabeth Strout! I picked up Lucy Barton at the little free library at the park a while ago but haven’t yet cracked it open.
Yes it’s true, Diane! It’s a journey to get to “fine” sometimes – and that’s okay!
When you read Lucy Barton let me know what you think!
Two weeks is the longest you’ve been apart? Dang. I remember the times of my LDR with Jon… we didn’t see each other for months at a time, even when we were already married and I was waiting for my visa. I don’t recommend it, but it did make us “tougher” LOL
I can understand that the anxiety about the school start and orientation. We – and with we, I mean students – endured so much during the pandemic and you just want for things to be back to normal. I hope your son has a great start at college nonetheless.
And please tell me why some people – men! – always have to create drama. (I thought that was a thing that women did – but once again, there’s always exceptions to the rule ;)). It’s smart to just stay out of it.
It is the longest we have been apart! We’ve both traveled for work independently but it’s always been less than two weeks, over the whole 25+ years of togetherness!
I loved all of the Lucy Barton books too! I would like to re-read (or listen to) them.
The wildfire smoke really does do a job on your mental health. At least here in California, when it is smoky and you can’t go outside and the sky looks scary…UGH.
Oh yes, J, not being able to go outside is so hard!
I have never read a book by Elizabeth Strout and I’m noticing that there are a lot of Strong Opinions. I think I’d read a sample first and then go from there. 😉 (One of those classic YMMV situations…)
Also? Anything in the environment affects your mental state. Smoke. Other pollution. Anything we breathe, honestly. (You don’t really want me to go off on the exposome, but… it’s a fascinating concept and one that makes a lot of sense in the world we live in today…) All of that to say – I am glad that things seem to be straightening out, and I hope your son had a wonderful – if delayed – start to college. <3
Thanks Anne. I love ES but she isn’t for everyone! Particularly if you’re a person who likes a thick plot, her books are not that.
I don’t know how I missed this post and am so glad you linked it– LOL the DOG PARK MEN! SO WEIRD. I did adore the togetherness of the panny and lockdown and online school and all of it (except getting sick and panicking about getting sick, obvi), but, I mean, hello privilege, right?? I will say this year’s crop of college freshmen seem like pre-COVID kiddos, so I think the trauma is healing, generally.
Sarah, I think you are the only person I have ever talked to who enjoyed lockdown! You are an original! I’m glad someone did!