What an incredible week it’s been! Although I don’t believe Mondays to be a portent of the week to come, last Monday night it poured rain, which settled the smoke in the air. We woke up to blue skies and sunshine, and the ability to take a full breath outside without feeling like this might be the first step to lung disease. I thought this was a sign of a great week, and it was.
I was especially happy – not just because the smoke was giving me aching muscles and general fatigue, which disappeared immediately after the rain – because we had such a busy and exciting week ahead. My younger son had his graduation ceremony, and all the fun hoopla that comes with it. The ceremony was on Friday, but the kids had to return their gowns immediately afterward, so Thursday after school I photographed my son and his group of friends. There is a group of about ten of them that have been really tight for years – some since kindergarten – so to see them all in their caps and gowns was really wonderful.
It was so much fun; they were all such good sports for their photo shoots, humouring me with silly supermodel poses and changing locations around the school, blowing kisses and posing in a conga line on my cue. “Work it, work it!” I’d say, and then “Frolic through the trees!”
I had a belated birthday lunch with my dear friend Tara (HI TARA) on Saturday; both our second children graduated this week and we were discussing the ceremonies. Both our ceremonies had a lot of graduates – there were 691 in my son’s class, and a similar number in her daughter’s – and we both had a feeling of deep gratitude that we could be there and experience it. I had the same feeling last year, when my older son had the first grad ceremony held since 2019.
If there is one gift that the Covid pandemic has given me, it’s extreme gratitude for the ability to celebrate occasions. After the ceremony, one of the moms had arranged a luncheon at a golf club for the boys in their group – the Brentwood Boys, as they are known – plus all the family members and grandparents. She had asked us all to send in photos of the boys throughout the years and then created a slideshow, which was really wonderful and special. There were photos from elementary school, sleepovers, Halloweens, and birthday parties, and, of course, there were a lot from the pandemic. They finished junior high in June of 2020, and we had photographed them all outside, all standing six feet apart, and it was a little sad to see those photos, thinking of the fun things they missed that year. There were so many of those pandemic photos: birthday parties where they had masks on, standing outside, bundled up for the elements, a few of them in my own backyard, with chairs six feet apart and a big bottle of hand sanitizer in the foreground, school lunches every day at a friend’s nearby backyard and garage, even when it was well below freezing, because they weren’t allowed to eat inside the school. These kids have been through a lot and all I could feel was happiness that we were all there together, sharing a meal and laughing and hugging. How incredible to have such friendships over the years. How incredible to be a part of this group.
We moved into this neighbourhood twenty-three years ago, and one of the biggest selling points was that there were schools of all levels within walking distance of home. We had the choice to bus the kids to other, specialty schools, but we really wanted the kids to be able to walk to school and make friends in the neighbourhood. I am so glad we made that decision all those years ago.
Back when the boys were very small, I would walk them to the elementary school playground after naptime and before the school let out for the day. It was a good way to kill some time before dinner and allow the kids to have some fresh air. I was so lonely back then. Being home with two very small children can be a very lonely experience; it was always hard to coordinate playdates with other moms of more than one child, playgroups were only once or twice a week, and there are just so many long hours in the day. My husband was gone twelve hours in the day, generally the twelve hours that the boys were awake, so I was just on duty all the time. So I would take the double stroller to the playground, and I would see two moms who were always there with their kindergarten age children, waiting for the older ones to finish for the day. I desperately wanted to be friends with them, and I did try to talk to them, but the chasm between a mom of a one-and-two-year old and a mom of a five-and-seven-year old is vast and wide, and also, if you have ever tried to strike up a conversation while caring for two toddlers, you know of which I speak. Conversational continuity is nearly impossible, and so I continued being lonely, looking at those women longingly.
Only a few years later, I did become friends with them when my own children were at that school, and we were all on the same volunteer committees together. I happily was absorbed into their large circle, and we have been friends all these years, the self-named Brentwood Babes. Saturday night, some of the Babes went to dinner theatre, which I had never done before. My son’s best friend – they have been friends since age 3 – works there, and we had a great time watching the rendition of The Wedding Singer, which involved really great music and lots of laughs.
It’s amazing, really. I’m the baby of the group and it’s pretty incredible to have a group of friends who are a few steps ahead in life, who have supported each other through so many life changes and hardships, and who have shared in each other’s joys. This neighbourhood is a bit like a small town, with its shops and parks and kind of knowing each other’s business, with its Food Library and Little Free Libraries and the actual public library, with its schools and playgrounds and grocery stores. For me, this neighbourhood is the best thing about living in Calgary, and I was really feeling it this week.
Thanks to Covid, I will never take for granted these long-standing friendships and the ability to spend time together; I would never say the pandemic is a good thing, because it was terrible, but no mud, no lotus, as they say.
Weekly Reading
Fleishmann Is In Trouble. There are at least two sides to every story, but sometimes, when you are in the thick of a story, it’s hard to see the other side. This book, which on a surface level, deals with a divorce and custody of children, was brilliantly written in three parts. The first part focuses entirely on the husband and all the things that he is going through, and I found myself incredibly sympathetic to his plight. But then, the narrator – who is a third party – starts to show cracks and glimmers of insight into the wife’s life and motivations. It’s complex and very, very gripping. More than just a book about a breakup, it’s a scathing treatise on marriage, divorce, wealth, class, and, most of all, what it means to be a woman moving through this world. Women, as we all know, can never really win or have it all, particularly mothers. There is always something we are giving up or giving in to, there is always some societal pressure on us to act a certain way or be a certain way, and if we give in to that pressure, it’s going to come at us from another angle. This book was brilliant and is definitely one of my favourites so far this year. Someone recommended this to me; my initial thought was Engie (HI ENGIE), but she read it in 2020, and it was recently recommended. Was it Birchy, or maybe Suzanne? (HI BIRCHY HI SUZANNE). If it was you, let me know!
Don’t Call Me Home. There is an Alice Munro story called Jakarta, which features a running joke between two women that starts with “I’m no prude, but…” and I kept thinking of this the whole time I was reading this memoir about the daughter of an Andy Warhol muse and an artist. I’m no prude, but…this book was shocking and kind of horrifying in every sense of the word. I don’t even know where to start but let’s just say the first ten years of this woman’s childhood were spent nomadically, until her mother became pregnant with her sister – actress Gaby Hoffman – at which point they lived at the famed Chelsea Hotel in NYC. Every single detail about this memoir had my eyes opening wide and my eyebrows finding refuge in my hairline. Obviously her mother was mentally ill and it’s pretty sad that Warhol made tons of money without disseminating any to the women who worked for him, but also, my god. This book is bananas. It’s also weirdly written and there are just so many people in it that I found myself thinking “wait, who’s Ron? Who’s Kathy? Is Mike their son or…wait, is that her own COUSIN she’s considering having sex with? It is? Oh my god.” I mean, your mileage may vary but I found this so disturbing and not written well enough to warrant me overlooking the material.
It’s gearing up to be a pretty busy week around here, once again, but not quite as exciting or social as last week. I hope you all have a beautiful week with lots of blue skies and sunshine. xo
Ah, so much to say… but first of all, congratulations to your son! I had tears in my eyes just looking at the pictures of the graduation- these things always get to me.
I’ve always been adamant that my kids go to our local, neighborhood schools that we’re zoned for. We can walk to the elementary school and the middle and high school are very short drives away. Why make life more difficult- and also, all our friends are right here. You didn’t mention it in the post, but you must be very emotional over this graduation- it’s the end of an era for you in many ways. What is your son doing next year?
That first book sounds REALLY good- I’ll look for it at our library. I just finished The House on Mango Street! So good.
Thanks Jenny!
Exactly, why would my kids take a bus for 30 minutes each way, when they can WALK TO SCHOOL and be friends with the kids in the neighbourhood? In elementary, they played in the playground or – mostly – sledded down the hill behind the school after school every single day. It was a really great experience for them to just be able to do that.
Congratulations on your youngest’s graduation, Nicole! The years do indeed seem so short, but what a lot you’ve packed into those years. The knowledge that you made the right decision 23 years ago and the lovely friendships for J and for you too that have resulted from it sound perfect. We’ve moved so much, so every time we did, I too would yearn for the mama friendships other people seemed to have so effortlessly sometimes from being in high school or childbirth classes together. I’m so glad to hear you found your ‘babes’!
Only two books this week? You must have been busy, busy, busy!!! 🙂 (I had a copy of Fleishman someone gave me as a birthday present. I wasn’t able to get into it (or the TV show version) so I put the book in our Little Free Library hoping someone would have better luck with it.)
Only two books! I did not have too much down time this week – although I have a lot of “waiting room” time this week, so I’ll definitely get more in!
Congrats to Jake! You’re all done with high school. What a milestone.
It was interesting to read about your history in the neighborhood. Even though it was important to me to give the kids a childhood in one place (because we moved a lot when I was a kid) the only schools in walking distance from our house are elementary schools. Both kids attended one of those (from K-3 for Noah, K-5 for North). Noah was in magnets from 4-12th grade, but none of them were very very far away and the one he attended in high school was in our home school, just a ten-minute drive. North goes to school a half hour away at a school they chose to rank high in the lottery because of its art facilities and faculty. (There’s an art magnet there, even though North didn’t get into it.) Beth has said if she’d known North would be in school part-time for most of this year (and possibly next year) and she’d be driving them to school every day she wouldn’t have let them choose it.
I feel so lucky that everything is in walking distance! It’s really fortunate.
Congratulations to your son! It’s an exciting time for him and for you. His school is is so big! I agree that nothing should be taken for granted since Covid. I can only speak for myself, but it has made me much more grateful for in-person events or gatherings with loved ones.
I moved a lot as a child, so I can appreciate living in the same place for a long time. We moved to this neighborhood in 2005, and both of my daughters love our house, our neighborhood, and so on. Because of how long we’ve been here, it’s the first place I’ve ever felt truly at home.
His school is huge, I think there are 2500 students.
It’s such a nice feeling, that feeling of “home.”
CONGRATS!!! Someone in my house also graduated high school this week and I’ve been feeling all the feels. IT’S A BIG DEAL!!!!
I haven’t read Fleishman but I keep hearing about it so it’s only a matter of time. I saw a little bit of the TV show. The story was great but there was something about the actors and the staging that was off for me so I bailed – but if I read the book I’ll still have the story and get to make my own actors and staging.
Congrats to your graduate! Hail the conquering graduates!
Fleishman was a TV show? HOW AM I SO OUT OF IT, BIRCHY?
Oh my goodness. The years ARE short. And so, so beautiful. Congratulations to your son — and to you and your husband. You DID IT.
Being able to gather together is so precious. I am so glad both your sons had a “normal” graduation experience.
And I have not read Fleischmann! It sounds interesting though.
Thanks so much, Suzanne!
So, it wasn’t you! Hmm. WHO WAS IT??? I cannot rest until I find out!
This post made me cry a littler– especially the pic of your son at the park. This was exactly our routine when the kids were little, and I understand that chasm SO WELL. And now the moms of my kids’ friends seem so old to me, and then I realize I AM ALSO THAT OLD– seeing it all with fresh eyes through Minnie.
Thanks Sarah – the thing about having two kids so close together is that SUDDENLY PHASES ARE ALL DONE, FOREVER. It’s so strange. I mean, in a couple of weeks I’ll be totally done with the public school system!
Congratulations to your son – your heartfelt post made me tear up a bit. It’s so nice to read about a group of kids that have been friends since childhood, willing to pose for silly photos, enjoying life and having fun. It gives me hope that the world will be OK in the future. May all the graduates be blessed! ❤️
Thank you so much my sweet friend!
Last week OG mom blogger Heather Armstrong died by suicide and I perhaps unwisely picked up her second book from the library, The Valedictorian of Being Dead.
I actually liked it a lot more than her first book, but boy was it sad. Especially considering what happened just six years after the experiences of the book (which were her undergoing experimental treatment for treatment resistant depression). It was a good book.
I think I may have read her first one (was it called It Sucked and I Cried or something?) but it was so long ago I don’t remember. I did read her blog back in…maybe 2008 or 2009, but then things started to get weird and I didn’t. I did see she passed and I hope she is at peace, but gosh, her family. Her poor family.
Congrats to your son! How exciting for a brand new adventure for him!
For the next couple of weekends I’ll be going back to my hometown for graduation parties for my high school friends’ children. One of them even graduated from our high school! It is such an important milestone and I’m happy to celebrate with them. Plus, then my friends and I can also pose in ridiculous photos because we still think we’re eighteen.
I’m so glad you can celebrate with them! The older I get, the more I appreciate all the people who are in my children’s lives, and that includes all my friends who have watched them grow up.
Congratulations to your son! I still feel bad for all the high school/college kids who missed out on the many milestones due to the pandemic. It sounds like you both had a great support group of friends.
I remember moving to this area and having my first child while my husband was just starting his career. He was also working a ridiculous number of hours and often traveling. I was so desperately lonely. And this was before the internet, which would have been a big help back then. Oh well. I survived and developed a great friend group about 6 years later.
This is such a touching post Nicole. Congratulations to your son on his graduation- what a milestone. The years do go by so fast- but those days when they were toddlers seemed so long. I had a dear friend a few houses away who also had 4 kids, close in age to mine. I treasured the good weather evenings spent at the park (almost every weeknight!). I’m sure they kept us both sane.
Congrats! What a week!
Now you are about to embark on a new phase in life.
That’s for sure – it’s a new chapter! Thanks Gigi!
Congratulations to your son on his graduation and thanks for sharing all these wonderful memories. You must be torn about moving away, but I am so glad you had these connections – and your sons too – throughout the time you lived in Calgary!
Thanks San!
Congrats to your son, and also to you and your husband. I always think parents deserve praise getting their kids to this milestone. So much goes into it and it is such a big and happy time. But also so bittersweet. I have two years to go and I’m just not sure how I will handle it! One step at a time I think… I’m so happy there are celebrations like this to be part of again – and glad your family got to participate. Also, what a lot of graduates!
One step at a time!
It’s a big school but the ceremony seemed to go fast!
PS. As your book twin I somehow didn’t recommend book, but would like to read it! 🙂
Look at that little climber! Congratulations to your graduate and your whole family. Your description of your neighborhood and community are lovely — it really conveys how blessed and lucky you feel.
I had not heard the phrase no mud, no lotus, but I get it. So true. Just a few days ago, my mom was in the hospital (she’s better), and I frequently reflected how different our ability to visit and freely be with her would have been during the worst of the pandemic.
Oh, I’m so glad your mom is okay and that you were able to visit her. Ugh, that was absolutely the worst part of the pandemic, all the families separated, and older people being so isolated.
First off, congrats to your son and to you and your husband! It’s a milestone for the parents as well. My nephew graduates – it’s my 2nd nephew to graduate and I just keep thinking – how is that possible? For the nephew graduating in June, I was a single aunt for much of his childhood so I would take him and eventually his little brother on “aunt dates.” So I have all these memories of taking him to the zoo, to an amusement park by the zoo, out for ice cream, to book stores, etc. And now he’s turning 18 this week and heading off to college. How! So I do understand “the years are short” sentiment. But I’m more so relating to your memories of being a mom of toddlers. It is very hard to socialize when you have young kids – especially at the park! Last summer I had both boys at the park and I texted my younger sister who is also a toddler mom to say – ‘a man is at the park with his kids and he’s – wait for it – reading the newspaper!’ She wrote back to say she saw a mom knitting at the park! We are years from that stage of park visits as we are solidly in the “active management” aspect of parenting. But I know we’ll be wistful for this stage one day!
I also loved Fleishman is in Trouble! I thought the tv adaptation was pretty good. It’s on Hulu. I watched it with my husband and he didn’t care for it but he hadn’t read the book. I just finished “Dinners with Ruth” which is a memoir about the friendship between an NPR reporter and RBG. It was a really interesting read as both were pioneers for their areas of work and it focused on the importance of female friendship.
Lastly, my kids will go to our local elementary school, too. It’s walking distance, too. Our neighborhood sounds similar to yours. There is lots of places that are walking distance away. I think nearly everyone, if not everyone, sends their kids to the local schools. I feel lucky that it’s a wonderful option for us and that we don’t have to pay for private school. My husband’s parents were both public school teachers so we’ve felt strongly about sending our kids to public schools.
I had no idea Fleishman was even on TV! Wait – did YOU recommend the book? If so, thank you!
I love having the kids go to school in the neighbourhood. I didn’t see the need to put them on a bus when they could walk to school in 10 minutes.
Those aunt dates sound so sweet. What a good auntie you are!
Congrats to your son; I remember fondly the months of school ending each year, but especially the graduation year. We felt so grown up and were SO EXCITED to embark on a new adventure. I don’t remember being nervous, but I am sure I was also nervous, or maybe the excitement overtakes the nervous part!? I am sure your son is super excited to move on to his next step in life. What a fun group of friends he has (and you as well); I think living in the same place through all of your schools years really is priceless, and for me the bonds that I made as a child are still unbroken in many cases! I think boys especially really have that “group of friends” that they stay chums with forever.
I have read Fleishman and I remember liking it but not as much as I thought I would, given the reviews. However, it was not me who recommended it, as I also read it in 2020.
Thanks Kyria, I agree about living in the same place for so long. I really wanted the boys to have continuity in their schooling and they have had that! So, I’m happy about it.
I’m so glad the rain helped clear the skies and that the week was beautiful. It all sounds so wonderful. You are very fortunate that your son had such an amazing group of friends. Congrats on the graduation. What a large class! That first book sounds very interesting. The Warhol one, not so much.
Thanks Ernie – yes, it’s a big school! There are 2500 students!
What an accomplishment! Congratulations to your son. The picture of him at the playground made me tear up a bit. My son is three and he will be graduating high school in a blink of an eye, I’m sure. years ARE short. I often feel how when they are first born and are so helpless and the nights are long, and the feedings, and the diaper changes, and the burping, and fast forward three years, they are walking and talking and using the potty, and giving you attitude 😉 Thank for this wonderful post!
Thanks Daria! It sure does go fast. Before you know it…graduation!
Congratulations! This totally got me in my feels. Thinking about how you and your son and your family have navigated unexpected plot twists to the high school experience and are still able to celebrate and see the amazingness in it all is just the best! I have a number of years until my girl’s graduation, but I try to remember it’s coming and to savor the bits I have now because it flies by!!
Thanks Lindsay, it sure does fly by!
Oh my sweetness. Your son on the playground so many years ago; it really does go by too fast. I love how you made friends at the school and continued forth. It’s funny how many of us made our dearest friends because of our children; it’s quite a bond.
Thanks for making me giggle with: I SAID FROLIC!
You are a trip.
Congratulations on getting two fine young men through their most important education times!!
Thanks so much Suz! You’re right – it’s such a bond we form with our “mom” friends!
What a huge milestone for your family! The youngest to graduate and now no more kids in school. I’m glad you were able to give both your sons a childhood where they could walk to school. In my county, it’s very normal to go to specialized magnet schools for high school rather than your zoned school. My nephew graduated 8th grade this year and will be going to a first responders magnet high school. Ironically, the same HS my brother and I attended AND where my brother and his now-wife met. Crazy when life comes full circle like that.
Congrats to your son AND congrats to you and your husband!
Thanks so much Stephany! It feels like a huge milestone!
I loved Fleishman Is In Trouble – the spot on way that the author wrote of the angst of suburban motherhood/parenthood (even in a big city) while trying to juggle everything else…
Congratulations to your son! And Congratulations to you for getting him there!
YES! It was such a great book, Diane. I thought it really showed all perspectives in such an interesting way!
Congratulations to your son! <3 Moments like these are extremely special and unfortunately I was in one of those classes that graduated high school in 2020. The graduation was in a parking lot; everyone in their cars with the windows rolled down so we could hear the speech coming from the speakers. It was c r a z y, and I just wanted to go home.
I was glad that I never skipped any special class activities because once covid spread in Puerto Rico everything was immediately cancelled. No field day, no prom, and no senior trip. Nada. Ever since then, I have learned to never take a single moment for granted.
Alondra, I’m sorry you had to have your grad like that, but it’s so great that you (and me, too) have learned that we can’t take moments for granted! I used to for sure – there’s always next time, etc. – but Covid showed me that is not always true!
Congratulations to your son! Being able to really enjoy all of it together is a blessing indeed. I felt so badly about the kids graduating in 2020 and 2021.
California is prone to wildfires, so I understand the relief that comes with rain that clears out the stupid smoke. So glad you are breathing cleanly again.
My husband read Fleishman is in Trouble and really enjoyed it. We then watched the HULU show, which he also really enjoyed. I didn’t really pay attention to it, I think I was on my iPad most of the time, which is a fault of mine, because I can’t follow a plotline as well as I imagine that I can. Perhaps I will give the book a try. 🙂
Thanks J!
I didn’t even know there was a HULU show until I wrote this post!
I’m pleased to know that your son graduated and that there was a ceremony. Now that you’ve got your boys through high school the world is your oyster? Or maybe it is their oyster! I saw the Fleishman is in Trouble book in the bookstore, but for some reason didn’t pick it up to even glance at it. Now I’m adding it to my list. Thanks for the suggestion.
Thanks Ally – I am hoping the world is all of our oyster!
Good gracious, Nicole. This, plus moving this summer? I assume you are leaving your neighborhood, too (it does not sound like you are moving around the corner…). What a wonderful, wonderful tribute to settling down and finding your people. I’m so glad that group of moms opened their arms and hearts to you so many years ago. (How could they not? You bring light wherever you are, I imagine! You certainly bring light to my feed…)
Congratulations to your son, and I hope that the next steps on his journey go well.