One way in which I have been preparing my little birdies to fly is to have them gradually take control of their own medical and dental appointments. Some medical professionals, such as our podiatrist, who, YES, we are still seeing six months later, require me to be with my younger son as he is a minor, but for the most part, I have been letting them figure things out on their own, being in the background for support. This has led to some things I did not anticipate, such as my older son making an appointment for LASIK eye surgery later this month, but for the most part it’s been fairly smooth and predictable.
We have all had dental appointments in the past month or so, and my younger son’s was the most recent. He came home telling me that he’d had several x-rays, and he required dental surgery to remove his four wisdom teeth and an extra tooth that he had somehow developed. He was under the impression that a) it was fairly emergent since his wisdom teeth were growing in sideways, and b) the extra tooth was very close to a nerve.
He told me the dental office would consult with the dentist who performs these surgeries and would get back to me. I didn’t love getting this information second-hand, because have you ever received important information from a 17-year-old? But I Serenity Now-ed, and waited.
On Tuesday I was at the garden centre; my older son had the day off work and so went with me, which was a delight. An extra cart AND someone to encourage me to buy more flowers? Heaven. We were in among the annuals when my phone rang; it was the dentist calling to schedule surgery. My son has a lot of things going on in the next six weeks that I didn’t want ruined by a painful recovery, but the coming weekend was free and so we scheduled him in for Friday morning. I zipped around the next day, picking up soft, high protein foods, and the single Ativan-like sedative he was to take an hour before surgery.
A small onion in the ointment was that I had planned to go to my parents’ on Thursday for my mom’s 70th birthday. We are having a family party for her next weekend, but my aunt was up visiting – this is my beloved Aunty C, of the Aunties fame – and I hadn’t seen her since 2019, so after my Thursday class I packed myself and Rex into the car and drove up. It’s a two hour drive so I was in the car at 6 the next morning, navigating a weirdly foggy highway and Friday morning traffic, to be able to get my son to his appointment at 9:00.
I have never had a tooth extraction myself, but my husband had his wisdom teeth taken out when he was in his forties, and it was absolutely a non-event. I was expecting similar, based on the dental office (“He’s so young, he will recover so quickly!”), and based on the fact that my husband’s procedure took perhaps a half hour at most. So I was completely unprepared to be there for three and a half hours, during which my son’s freezing wore off and they had to redo it. I was also completely unprepared to be told, at 11:45, that the procedure was “more complicated” than they had anticipated and at that point, had only extracted two of the five teeth, and that he would have to get the other side done at a separate time.
By the time they finished, at 12:30, three teeth were gone and the dentist told me that their initial assessment of “Advil alternating with Tylenol every two hours” was now “go pick up this prescription for Tylenol 3, he’s really going to need it.” WHAT HAPPENED HERE. The dentist told me that he would not be able to work on the other side, it was too complicated for him, and that we would have to go to a specialist, which, honestly, I wish we knew in advance so we could have skipped this whole thing and just done that in the first place. Did they not realize this from the x-rays? Were they just hoarding my son’s procedure for themselves to collect the money? I couldn’t help but feel a bit betrayed.
I’m not going to lie: Friday was a really rough day, made worse by the thought that we have to do this all again soon. The dental office cheerfully assured me that my son would just “sleep the day away” post-surgery, which goes to show that they do not know him at all, the guy who slept exactly zero minutes on our red-eye from Maui, and who, like his mother, essentially has to have one foot in the grave before lying down for a nap. What can I say, we aren’t nappers. He did, however, have a really good sleep Friday night, which I did not expect at that point, and was much more chipper on Saturday.
I’m still a little salty, though. We have to do this AGAIN. In the next three weeks we have the following: a family party for my mom, my younger son’s graduation ceremony and all the stuff that goes with that leading up to and after, my older son’s LASIK surgery, my younger son’s graduation dance, my own 30 year high school reunion that I am organizing, and my husband’s colonoscopy. THIS IS A LOT OF THINGS. Not to mention our day-to-day stuff and everything else that is going on around here. We have to get it done before July, but he also has final exams in June, and I am just screaming into the void over here.
Well, it will get done, just like everything else. In the meantime, it’s hard to stay too salty when I look out my window and see not just Salvadore, but two new friends, Slider and Fernando, who my son and I came across at the garden centre. Look at them frolicking in the kale patch! Life is good, even when it’s frustrating, is the lesson I’m taking away.
Weekly Reading
A Likely Story. I’ve often wondered what it would be like to be the child of a very famous person, and the pressure involved in following the footsteps or finding one’s own way. See also: Ty Gretsky. This excellent novel follows the only child of a very famous writer – who also happens to be a narcissist. After the death of her beloved mother, the daughter discovers a secret and becomes involved in a convoluted web of lies and secrets, all the while trying to please her famous father. This was a great story with complex characters, and I had no idea what to expect from the ending. I really enjoyed it.
I’m Glad My Mom Died. I initially put this on my hold list last summer, and then changed my mind after a few months as I didn’t think I had the bandwidth to read about a mentally ill and abusive stage mother and her daughter’s coping mechanisms of alcohol abuse and eating disorders. But then a few friends read it and thought it was good, and I guess I had a weird kind of book FOMO? Anyway, I put it back on the list and here we are. I feel kind of gross and sick after reading this, to be honest, and I have to warn anyone who might want to read this: there are some pretty grim and graphic descriptions of her bulimia. Like, really graphic. Based on what she went through I’m impressed that she’s still here – her mother sexually abused her in the shower on the daily until she was 17, her mother forced her to restrict her calories and generally treated her like garbage. The cover blurbs say that it’s “impressively funny” and all I can say is I don’t think we read the same book. I didn’t find it funny at all. I did think it ended weirdly, with her vow to overcome bulimia and then the next chapter she was healed? I don’t know, I applaud her for writing this, as it was obviously therapeutic for her, but it was not therapeutic for me to read. I read most of it while in the waiting room at the dentist, and I will say that I am not a book snob, but I actually felt embarrassed when someone asked me what I was reading, because the title is so incendiary. I don’t generally wish death on people but I am also kind of glad her mom died. She made Joan Crawford look encouraging and nurturing.
Easy Beauty. This was a brilliantly written memoir about moving through the world and navigating motherhood with a painful and very visible disability. The author weaves her story with journeys – the actual travel kind but also emotional and spiritual – and discussions about works of art and philosophy. It’s dense and not an easy read, particularly when it comes to the way a person values themselves in a world that values and revolves around the able-bodied. I can’t say I enjoyed this, exactly, but it’s an impressive piece of writing.
I hope you all had a beautiful, restorative weekend. It was obviously a pretty low-key one around here, but the Mayday and Nanking cherry are in bloom, my older son and I planted containers and I did some gardening cleanup, there was cake, and we all watched Top Gun Maverick for the second time. Here’s to more blooming in the week to come. xo
Oh NO. I am shuddering at your poor son’s experience! Dental work and I do not mix so I have a great deal of empathy for him. (I woke up in the middle of my wisdom teeth extraction. Also, it takes me FOREVER and massive amounts of novocaine to get numb, and laughing gas doesn’t work on me. KNOCK ME OUT.)
I do love your approach to getting your kids ready to be on their own by making their own appointments. Very smart. And your son made a LASIK eye surgery appointment for himself?! That would be surprising! But sounds like he is going through with it?
Also, I was delighted by your description of going to the garden center with your son. That sounds so perfect. And yay! The gnomes are back!
Hope this week is free of medical/dental surprises!
Oh gosh, you WOKE UP?? The freezing wore off for my son halfway through but he was awake the whole time. I’m not sure if that’s better or what but ugh.
It does sound like my son is going through with the LASIK, so we will see how that goes!
Oh Nicole. I am so sorry! There is just so much going on and a lot to juggle for everyone in the family. I JUST watched that (Antidentite) Seinfeld episode two nights ago!
I’ve had three wisdom teeth out, but always one at a time and the recovery hasn’t been fun …but very manageable. My husband had all four out (when he was about 38?) and it was not good. I won’t go into details because he was clearly an n=1, but…it is not a Christmas we like to dwell on (yes, he got it done weeks before Christmas, but we actually ended up in the ER Christmas Eve because of those dang extracted wisdom teeth). Funny story – actually, it wasn’t funny at all: en route to the oral surgeon I went to an eye clinic to pick up some new glasses and ended up hitting myself in the forehead with a giant heavy door and had a huge laceration and goose egg on my forehead. When we arrived at the oral surgeon he looked at me and said: I’m more worried about getting you sorted than dealing with your husband’s teeth. So they bandaged my forehead and got me ice packs. That was quite a Christmas (and I still have a tiny scar on my forehead).
I just had PRK (instead of LASIK – I wasn’t eligible for LASIK – whomp, whomp). How exciting; I wish I had gotten it done as a teenager!
I think you know how I felt about I’m Glad My Mom Died. I literally wanted to take a shower when I finished. It is NOT funny (the librarian I talked to when I picked up my hold on this book said something about how even though the subject matter was heavy it almost didn’t feel that way because of how humorously it was written; it feels a bit like that blue/black dress vs. white/gold thing – like how could someone possibly find this book even remotely funny?!), and I was actually shocked with the level of detail on her eating disorders. When she described her TOOTH FALLING OUT I just couldn’t even…I applaud the bravery of telling her story, but it felt too soon after the events to be writing about it. I also saw an interview from her book tour where she mentions being completely cured of her eating disorder (she looked extremely thin and sickly, still) and while I very much hope that’s true, as someone who has struggled with disordered eating, I find that basically impossible to believe.
On a happier note – the gnomes are wonderful and I loved Top Gun both times I watched it!
Oh my goodness, Elisabeth, what an ordeal!!!
Yes re: taking a shower after reading the book. I felt GRIM. It was such a sad and horrifying story on so many levels!
Oh my stars, I love your garden gnomes! I have so many dreams of having a group of my own; however, a handful of years ago my guy (who loves horror movies) was gifted a solar “zombie gnome” by my mother – a desperation gift, to be certain. My daughter was just a little at the time was so scared of it that she decided all gnomes are suspect and holds this belief to this day. Here’s hoping she’ll see their adorableness some day (and all the good thoughts to you and your son – dental work is never fun and that whole experience – and what’s to come – seems excruciating!)…
Aw, I hope she learns to love gnomes one day!
Oh dang, Nicole, what a brutal week. Dental work is never fun, and this sounds truly awful. And having the next appointment looming over your head is a lot of added stress – on top of everything else you’ve got going on. When it rains, it pours! Hang in there!
Thanks for the summary/review of I’m glad my mom died. It’s been so hyped up, but now I know that I can skip that one!
And hooray for garden gnomes!!! They’re so cute! I NEED some of those ASAP!
It was a brutal week and yesterday was the day of EVERY LITTLE FRUSTRATION happening! Oh well. At least we have gnomes!
I’m sorry the dental work is so complicated. That sounds awful. Good luck getting through your busy time.
Thanks Steph! We’ll get through it!
Wait. Your husband had his wisdom teeth out in his 40s and it was easy? I had mine out when I was 46 and it was TERRIBLE. I thought it was harder the older you get. I’m sorry your son is having such a bad experience with it and yes, I would be frustrated and angry. How did they not see it was going to be so complicated from the x-rays??? But as you said… it will get done, eventually. I hope your son is feeling better now.
Based on your review I”ll be skipping the McCurdy book (although a part of me is so curious- the same way you can’t look away from a car wreck.) A Likely Story sounds good though!
That’s what I want to know, Jenny! How did they not know??
Yes, I was surprised at how easy it was for my husband. They popped right out and he had maybe one day of swelling.
I love that you give making medical and dental appointments to your kids. I also try to do this. What bothers me is that the ortho and dentist are the same practice, in the same building. The ortho encourages kids to take control of their braces treatment and book their own appointments. Dental WILL NOT allow this. It’s the same front desk person. But the dentist won’t allow anyone under 18 to make their own appointments. It’s so ridiculous.
Oh, how annoying is THAT. What a ridiculous thing!
Oh, no! I have dental issues and reading this made me stress out so MUCH. Your poor son! How is he even going to be able to force himself to go to another appointment?!
(I had my wisdom teeth out in my mid-30s. It was actually NBD because they had already erupted. I think it’s only a bit more challenging when they’re impacted, right? Or am I just making this up from some folk wisdom?)
I think I’ve complained about this before, so I’m sorry if I have, but one of the challenges for the Pop Sugar reading challenge this year is to read a celebrity memoir. Now, I’m particular about memoirs/autobiographies in general because I don’t actually think people are as interesting as they think they are, but adding “celebrity” to it has made me really struggle and reading this made me cross the McCurdy book right off my list! *sigh* Back to the drawing board.
It sucks about the dentist, but he’s pretty stoic and accepting so hopefully the next round will go okay. Ugh.
I read a lot of memoirs, celebrity included, but I’m not sure the ones I’ve read would be of interest to you. Maybe Paulina Porizkova’s? I’m not sure if you’d like it or not.
Ella and I aren’t nappers either, so I completely understand. Ella and I both have medical anxiety, so I felt the entire procedure as if I were there with him. I’m glad he’s feeling better now. But GAHHH at having to go through it all over again.
I read Jennette’s book, and while I gave it a high rating (for the writing), I didn’t enjoy it at all. My kids (and Mike and I) watched every single episode of ICarly together, so it was difficult to read how poorly she was treated, and I doubt I’ll ever watch the show again. But you’re right, I’m glad her mother is no longer alive, and the title makes a lot more sense now.
I have never watched the show so I can’t say, but it was really sad to read about. I guess that show runner (the Creator) has a terrible reputation for abuse on-set.
I’m weirdly glad to say you’re also not a napper, people tend to give me a weird look when I say I don’t nap unless very sick.
Do you remember the creator of the show? He was on the television show Head of the Class, which was popular in the 80s.
Wait, he WAS?? I loved that show!
Just googled it! OMG!!!
I know. I KNOW.
Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry about the dental issue. I cannot believe the dentist office didn’t initially refer you to an oral surgeon. I think you have very reason to be salty.
That book sounds disturbing and unsettling, far from funny.
Best of luck with the upcoming busy events AND scheduling him to have more teeth removed.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY DIDN’T REFER US TO THE ORAL SURGEON EITHER. Ugh!
I liked Glad a lot but I was really shocked by the blurb (which I didn’t have for the audio version), because IT ISN’T FUNNY AND IT ISN’T WRITTEN TO BE FUNNY. The tone for the book that I read was “hey I was a kid and this is how the world was presented to me and then I grew up and learned that my childhood was not normal”. Based on the blurbs my guess is that Jerrod Carmichel didn’t read it and Lena Dunham scanned it and didn’t know what to make of it.
Sorry for the dental drama and I’m sending calming vibes your way for everything that you’ve got on your plate coming up. It’s a lot!
I did think Glad was written well and I liked the really short chapters as I could really speed through it. I really felt for her because it was obvious she was so enmeshed with her mom, who was absolutely horrible (although, given what her grandma was like, I guess it’s a generational trauma thing).
Sounds like you had a week. I’m trying to let me daughter do her own doctor appointments too. It’s an important part of adulting. I’m in the same boat as you are with a flurry of things happening in the next month and I’m feeling overwhelmed. But then I suppose that’s been every May/June since my daughter started school. Why do schools feel the need to pack the schedule at the end of the year? Just think, we’ll be free of it next year! WhooHoo! I have to go now-I have a graduation party to plan. (I need to remember that everything I *have* to do is great. Everyone should be so lucky to have a healthy, happy, and academically successful kid like mine!)
I always THINK I don’t have a lot happening in May/ June, but then it rolls around and I really do! Yikes! Enjoy your party planning!
What a week! Anything that involves any dentist makes me anxious on principle. I’m sorry to read about what happened with your son, and that you’ll be doing it again soon. I glanced through the McCurdy memoir in the store and said “no thanks.” Your review confirms it, not going to read it.
It was a very stressful thing, and now we have to do it again! Ugh.
Ugh I am sorry to hear about your son’s dental surgery experience. I had mine out when I was 16 and was put under for the procedure and I found it pretty painful… I would not want to go through it twice, although it sounds like he wasn’t put under. I’m glad I got it done while I was still on my parents insurance, though! Thanks, mom and dad. 🙂 But you already had enough going on with the various other procedures! I hope the next surgery goes more smoothly? I imagine he’ll be put under for that procedure?
I haven’t felt pulled to read the I’m Glad My Mother Died memoir… I have heard others say that they don’t see the humor – but how could there be humor in a story like that??
For reading, I finished my book club book, “Vita Nostra” but I did not end up rating it on goodreads (I pretty much always rate what I read). It’s a sci-fi/fantasy book and those are 2 genres I generally do not read as I very rarely like them. It was a bit of a slog for me but others in book club LOVED it. I’m looking forward to the discussion, though. Now I’m reading “Symphony of Secrets” which I’m really enjoying. It’s a musical mystery/thriller type of book (I would not use thriller but that is how it’s marketed). I love music and played piano for years, so I really enjoy the book but I think even those w/ less understand of music would like it. I liked his first book, too – The Violin Conspiracy. The author is a black, classically trained musician who also taught music, so it’s cool how he’s found this niche area of publishing!
I don’t like sci-fi at all so I’ll pass on that, I think!
I think he’s going to be put under for the other procedure, and hopefully it will go a bit smoother.
So sorry about your son’s dental issues! I had my wisdom teeth out in 2 separate sessions – but they were 20 years apart. The first one was when I was 16, and did not have sedation and I remember it to this day. The second time I said “Knock me out”, which was preferably except for the reaction to the anesthesia. I’m sure he’ll be glad he got it done at this stage in his life, and not, like, when he had a newborn or something.
I’m Glad My Mom Died is not funny at all and I don’t understand why that quote is on the cover! I actually appreciated the descriptions of her eating disorder because it made me understand how terrible these actually are. Oh, and Easy Beauty won a Pulitzer last week! It’s been on my list for awhile and I’m looking forward to reading it.
He’s definitely a “let’s get it over with” kind of person, so that helps.
“Impressively funny” – what? What PART? I am not surprised about Easy Beauty, it’s a really wonderfully written book.
Oh to just be a garden gnome frolicking in a kale patch; no thoughts, just vibes. ✨😭
I wish you nothing but a lot of patience and strength throughout the following weeks!
Thanks Alondra, I am going to be spending a lot of time looking at my gnomes, just breathing!
Oh wow, Nicole. That is a LOT! And the dental procedure…why wasn’t he at an oral surgeon to begin with!? Removing wisdom teeth is (for me) a surgical procedure requiring one to be put under and a surgeon. I’m so sorry he (and you) has to go through this again.
THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT!!! Hopefully this round will be better.
Eve’s wisdom tooth extraction was also a bit harrowing – she needed more freezing, the dentist’s foot was basically up on the chair for leverage at one point, and then the pain meds made her sick – wow, do you ever not want to be throwing up after wisdom tooth extraction -but they did get it all done. I think, from what I’ve heard, it can sometimes be hard to tell exactly from the x-rays but whatever, if you want me to be mad at the dentist I’m here for you.
I was alone all week-end, but some fun stuff happened anyway. I’m going to be late planting because we’re away next week-end, but I was late last year and this just meant the prices on all the plants were reduced, so I’ll deal.
Lol, I DO need you to be mad at the dentist with me! Ugh, barfing with the wisdom teeth extraction does not sound fun.
I still have my wisdom teeth and have zero plans to ever part with them— so sorry he had a rough time, but you are a parenting rockstar with your gradual release of responsibility.
Thanks Sarah – it’s not easy!
I had to scroll back for that picture with Salvadore, Slider, and Fernando to calm myself, Nicole. That’s a lot to be dealing with–involving every member of your family and beyond. Worse, book lottery this week doesn’t seem to helping. I hope the next few weeks resolve in the best possible ways to your satisfaction. I’m so sorry about the dental work and having to sit through it again, especially.
That picture of sunrise over water is fabulous. Is it by your parents’ place?
Yes, that sunrise is my parents’ back yard! So it’s a very nice place to visit.
I just started a book that seems like it will turn things around in the reading department!
You are the best Mom! Your boys will go out into the world with many clues as how to manage life, thanks to you. But OMG, the dental surgery. It breaks my heart that the Dr. wasn’t fully prepared for what would come. I hope your son’s mouth is feeling a bit better by now.
LASIK surgery! WOW. I had it in 2015? 2016? I’m so happy to have done it. Although my healing time took way longer than most people’s does, still one of the best things I’ve done for myself.
Of course I love the new Bee Gnome in your garden. 😉
I knew you’d love that guy!
I had LASIK done in 2000 and it was so great. Of course, I’m old now so I need to wear reading glasses, but it’s SO much better!
My older two had their wisdom teeth extracted by oral surgeons while under general anesthesia. Neither wanted to be aware of what was happening. The first 24-48 hours of recovery is HARD. Then, it slowly improved. They were on so many meds for a few days — pain killers, antibiotics, and even steroids for my son. And, then, I know other people who have theirs removed with novacaine and take nothing but Tylenol. Maybe the difference is how impacted they are? I don’t know!! I’m just glad it’s over for them. I’m not looking forward to going through this again with my youngest — she is very sensitive to pain and will have a very hard time eating soft foods only. My son likes to joke that he is a slightly more evolved human than the rest of us because he had only 3 wisdom teeth!
Best of luck and patience and all the grace to you as you navigate your next few weeks.
What is it about gnomes! They are so cheerful. Have you heard of the movie Gnomeo & Juliet? It’s very silly and fun, and perhaps good for a post-surgery/procedure watch?
I have heard of that movie but haven’t seen it – but I should change that!
I just talked to the surgeon’s office yesterday – one of his molars is impacted and one is “really close to his sinus” so ahhhhh!
I hate going to the dentist and your son is very brave for scheduling the appointment so fast; I think I would have dragged my feet a bit more! I got all four wisdom teeth out when I was about 22 and it went okay but I spent a few days on the couch watching the Star Wars trilogy and did not want to go out in public for a while afterward due to my chipmunk cheeks. However, if someone had told me that only two were removed and I had to go back, I may just let them stay there! I don’t really even like having my teeth cleaned…
On a positive note, I love the gnomes! We have someone in our neighborhood who hides them on our local trail and it is so fun to try to find them when I am out on a hike. They are a little bit of cheer in my day, that is for sure!
I love gnomes so much. There is a house on my walk route that has dozens of them and it makes me so happy.
My son is definitely a “let’s just get it done” kind of guy, which has been helpful through this whole ordeal.
That sounds like a frustrating week, Nicole. In the US, we are automatically sent to an oral surgeon to do maxillofacial surgery such as wisdom teeth. I remember I went when I was 32, during hurricane Irene, here in NJ. The office was opened but I remember there were branches everywhere as we drove to the surgical office.
You do have a lot of stuff coming up, just be sure to give your self some grace and some breathing room. Always helps me.
Yikes! That sounds like a very alarming situation. I wish we had been automatically referred to the surgeon, it’s so frustrating.
Oh my, what an ordeal. I am so sorry about your son’s surgery. It sounds like one of the events that can traumatize you for life (how is he handling it?). I can totally understand your enragement .
He’s handling it really well, but I am still so upset about it!
Okay, reading all these comments about people getting their wisdom teeth out in their late 30s/40s is so interesting to me! I still have my wisdom teeth because they don’t bother me, and didn’t realize so many people were getting theirs out later in life. I don’t want to go through that, so I just hope they keep behaving!
What an awful experience for your son AND YOU! I’m sorry you both had to go through all of that, and that he has to go through it AGAIN. Ugh.
I’m Glad My Mom Died was such a hard book. But why are people calling it funny? It’s not funny! I listened to the audiobook and Jeanette does not have a fun tone when reading it because the subject matter is DARK.
I have two upper wisdom teeth but they are not causing problems because MY MOUTH IS SO BIG. This is a quote from the dentist. I have TONS of room in there! Lol!
That dental experience sounds horrific. I’d have been extremely upset about it all. I’m sorry you and he have to do it all again.
I’m so glad you reviewed the Mother book because I keep seeing it recommended and was thinking of reading it, considering the cover does imply that it’s a humorous book! OMG, I would have NOT been able to handle it. Thank you for saving me!
DON’T DO IT!!!! DON’T DO ITTTTT!
Dude. Nicole. That is NOT okay. Talk about a bait-and-switch on the teeth! They HAD to know. I hope that you have gotten the other surgery scheduled – if not completed? – and that your poor son is not completely traumatized by this experience. Poor guy.
That said, gnomes. Gnomes make everything better. I have never shared a photo of my little gnome, who hangs out on top of my desk clock. I shall have to do that soon, as he makes me smile every single day. 🙂 (As do you, so thank you. <3)
I do have the other surgery scheduled, hopefully it goes smooth!