I had my hair cut this week – and, as a complete sidebar, it was the best cut I have ever had in my life and I have never before been so happy with my hair, in all of my 47 years of life – and the salon owner was there, as he usually is. I don’t normally chat with him much but I noticed he was sporting a thick moustache. It was then that I realized that, apart from the inhabitants of the Boyhouse, I do not see many men on a daily basis.
Pre-pandemic I would have men in my yoga classes, I worked with men, I would see men in various events and meetings, and every November a large number of them would suddenly have moustaches, and I would wonder to myself did he always have that moustache, or is this a Movember thing?
Many years ago, my sons were in a karate school, and one day when I was waiting for them to be dismissed I recognized a man waiting for his son; we had been friends in university but I hadn’t seen him since. I said hi and introduced myself, and we chatted for not ten seconds before he pointed to his face and said “Excuse the moustache, I’m doing this Movember thing.”
Before we get too far into things, I want you to know, dear reader, that I am not anti-moustache. In fact, if I let things go in the hair removal department, I would certainly be sporting a handlebar myself. I think many men suit a moustache, particularly men of a certain generation: I’m thinking specifically of Tom Selleck and Sam Elliott. But moustaches in general are not my favourite, and I am working hard to keep this opinion to myself.
My younger son, for reasons known only to him, has decided to grow a moustache for the month of November. Possibly beyond November. We don’t know. Only time will tell. The last time such a shaving-mutiny happened in my house was at the very beginning of the pandemic when the boys, at that time aged 16 and 14 1/2, decided they would not shave until the pandemic was over. Well. At the time they probably thought it would be a month or maybe six weeks, and in fact, my younger son thankfully did shave around May 2020. My older son held on until the fall, when he saw a photo of himself and was horrified.
This time is different. There are many guys at the high school who have full beards, and while my son is not one of them, he does have quite a dark, relatively thick moustache, for a 17-year-old. I don’t love it but it’s his face, it’s just facial hair, and our children are their own people with their own body autonomy and ability to make their own choices. Right? I think of when I was 17; if someone had told me they didn’t like my army boots with babydoll dresses, or that some day I might regret the long, spiral permed hair with giant bangs, or that Revlon’s Love That Red lipstick was a bit much for math class at 9 in the morning, I would have wanted to tell them to go fuck themselves. So I support my son’s facial hair choice, even if I prefer his face clean-shaven.
Many, many years ago, I remember a woman on Twitter who went by the moniker PhD In Parenting, which is a pretty bold statement, in my mind. Personally, I think of myself more as a High School Graduate But In The Remedial Stream In Parenting, so this is not expert advice, but I think the key to parenting at any age, but especially teens, is to treat our kids in a way that we would also want to be treated. I often think of that poem “Your children are not your children,” because they need to make choices and decisions and live their lives in a way that might not always jive with my way.
So far it’s worked for me. I acknowledge that I am very, very fortunate in that all our personalities get along in this house, and that we have not had any major issues. This is, I think, more luck of the draw than parenting, but sometimes I get praised in a way that I don’t think I deserve.
My younger son and his moustache have been seeing a podiatrist for about six weeks now, and every time we go there it’s like a Celebration Of The Wonder Who Is My Son. It’s quite over the top and I love it. This reaction from the staff is possibly because he appears to be the only patient under 65 in the office, and hence is a bit of a novelty, but he is truly a very kind and polite person. The receptionist and nurse fawn all over him, and when he does something simple like ask them how they are doing, they gush about his manners and congratulate me on raising such an incredible young man.
I accept this praise and congratulations wholeheartedly, but I honestly think parenting is only part of the story. It’s an important part, to be sure, but so much of the way a person presents themselves to the world is on them. So much of a person is just the way they ARE, and that leads to a philosophy I strongly adhere to in both parenting and in life: we need to meet people where they are and accept them for who they are. We need to accept them even when they are different from us, even when they have our own traits that we don’t like, and even when they decide that moustaches are the way to go.
Weekly Reading
The Beauty of Living Twice. Two things: 1) Sharon Stone has led an incredibly interesting and meaningful life, 2) she is a very intelligent woman but intelligence doesn’t always translate to “good writer.” I think this book could have benefitted from a ghostwriter. Her journey is fascinating but I was very put off by the choppy writing style. I didn’t realize she had suffered a major stroke – and, apparently, massive medical incompetence to the point of malpractice – and nearly died. A lot of this book is about her healing journey, her activism, and her embrace of Buddhism. The writing kind of wrecked the story for me, sadly, because I think it’s a good one. She overcame poverty and childhood sexual and physical abuse, as well as her health issues and “being too old” to get work in Hollywood, post-stroke.
How To Keep House While Drowning. I heard an interview with this author, and I knew I wanted to read her book. She was due to have her second baby and, given that she suffered postpartum depression with her first, she set up a whole support network to help in the weeks after giving birth. She arranged for meal delivery, help with housework, for her older child to go to preschool four days a week, the works. She had the baby in February 2020. I don’t need to tell you how that affected her postpartum support.
Remember in the early days of the pandemic when we were all scrubbing our baseboards and purging our closets and using powdered Tide to “strip” the laundry? Remember all those cleaning hacks? This book is not that. This book is a very gentle, very kind guide to creating a functional living space and caring for that space, and yourself, when you feel like you are literally drowning. This is a support book for people who might feel like they just can’t get the energy to brush their hair, let alone polish their sinks. This book is written for the neurodivergent – the author herself has ADHD – and for people who are really, really struggling with executive functioning and day-to-day life, but I think that anyone can benefit from reading it. At the very least, you will come away with the idea of “moral neutrality,” which means that housework or lack thereof does not dictate what kind of a person you are. You are not a superior person if you fold your laundry and you are not inferior if you cannot wash the dishes more than once every three days. Those things are morally neutral. This book creates a feeling of kindness and compassion for ourselves and for others, and uses the words “care tasks” in place of “chores,” which has a much nicer connotation. There is also a very important discussion about environmental choices, and how most environmentalism serves able-bodied people of privilege, but doesn’t consider those who are disabled in any way. Most of all, this book gives permission to take care of yourself and your living space – in whatever form that takes – without moral judgement. It’s a quick and easy read and I highly recommend it.
Catastrophic Happiness. How did I miss this when it came out SIX YEARS AGO! I was devouring Newman’s We All Want Impossible Things when I saw that this book of essays about parenting children in the pre-teen, post-baby era existed and I never read it! Colour me embarrassed. Well, this gave me a lovely nostalgic feeling and fans will just love it. I did! It also made me breathe a sigh of relief that tantrums, childhood illnesses, and stress about am I doing this right are in the rearview mirror for me.
My husband finished all the outdoor decorations just in time before another harsh cold front descended, and the four of us put up the tree and indoor decorations, all while wearing our WWE Christmas sweaters, speaking of meeting people where they are and showing interest in teens’ own niche interests. Longtime readers may recall that at the time of our sweater acquisition the only female wrestler-themed sweater available was six sizes larger than the one I typically wear, which makes it pretty cozy. Could I have purchased a MALE wrestler-themed sweater that would have been closer to my size? I could have. But I am a firm Supporter Of Women, even for something this ridiculous. In other news, I have two new gnome decorations for the tree – one from my mom – and the house feels very hygge and festive as Old Man Winter descends once again with frigid temperatures and snow. I hope you are cozy and hygge, wherever you are. xo
Noah started growing a beard and mustache last summer. Unlike when he was in high school and it came in weird and patchy when he didn’t shave for a while, it’s full now and I like it on him. My father had a beard so it’s how I subconsciously think men should look. Well maybe not subconscious if I know that.
Speaking of pandemic hair growth, he didn’t get his hair cut for almost a year and a half, starting March 2020. His pandemic mane got quite impressive. It finally got long enough to hang down (it usually grows up).
I’m glad you got a happy-making haircut.
I think Noah looks great in a beard! It suits him!
I can’t remember how long the boys went without haircuts, but it was long enough that M had a bandanna to keep the hair out of his face, and finally snapped and cut it after we went for a long hot hike. Maybe it was a year, now that I’m thinking about it.
Nicole, I just adore you. I mean this sentence: “ In fact, if I let things go in the hair removal department, I would certainly be sporting a handlebar myself.” Chef’s kiss perfection. Also the part where high school you would tell critics to fuck themselves. And also the very real, very honest, very thoughtful parenting advice. I think one of the hardest things about parenting for me is that acceptance bit. And of course children are not tools put on the planet to teach us but i learn from my kid all the time how okay it is – how fabulous, even! – to be Not Like Me.
Your new gnomes are also very cute.
It is hard and also wonderful when kids are Not Like Us – there is a big letting go that has to happen and that is a leap, for sure.
Not a fan of the mustache!!! My son is doing “No Shave November” this month which meant that, sigh, he came home for Thanksgiving with a beard. But it was neatly trimmed, so I didn’t mind it. I think if it were just a mustache, I would have minded it much, much more. But, it’s his face. We have to let them do their thing, as you said.
All three of those books sound good- too bad the Sharon Stone one isn’t well-written. I’m tempted to read it anyway because the story sounds fascinating.
How did I miss your “Favorite Things” post??? I’m going back to read it!
Her story is so interesting, and I had no idea that she was basically unknown prior to being in Basic Instinct – and then she was a huge star! And then, not too much else after that. Interesting story, poor execution.
I love this post. I love you talking about how you would have felt if someone said your lipstick was too bright for a 9am math class. HA! I have also tried reading a few celebrity books that seemed like they would be interesting, but were too clunky. I wonder at times like those if they HAD a ghost writer, but a poor one. Perhaps a scribe. So they had all of these long conversations, and the scribe wrote them down, but it never got properly edited. Or perhaps it did, and the first 10 iterations were just horrible. Hmmm.
Regarding your amazing and kind son, I agree. I like to say that I don’t get all of the credit, nor all of the blame. My daughter is who she is, and always has been. Could my mother have done certain things that would have caused me to be different? Perhaps. But I’m guessing not a lot. And if your kids hit a real rough patch, the tendency too often is to blame the parents…oh, whom am I kidding. It’s blame the mother. So that bit of grace can be really helpful. Another bit of grace, that you described, is for the parent to understand that the kid is who they are. Meet them where they are, as you said. That can make a huge difference.
Oh J, you are so right. When things go wrong, the mother gets the blame. But I get what you’re saying – would I have been different if I was raised in a different way? Maybe in some ways, but not fundamentally.
Maybe Stone DID have a scribe! It was almost like just random memories here and there.
When Tank gets a little stubble, he appears older than he is. Most think he is older than Ed. This makes getting into bars with a fake ID much easier, which made him very happy when we visited Ed.
Coach sometimes grumbles when I cut the boys’ hair to their specifications. I’m not about making everyone wear their hair as short as I like it, probably because I grew up FORCED to wear my hair as short as my brothers. It was awful.
That being said, I love your perspective about our kids being who they are. I wish I’d been better at embracing that mindset over the years – beyond haircuts. I wouldn’t say I was uber controlling like my parents or Coach’s parents – but I tended to expect certain things. I certainly see things clearer now. I sometimes blame myself for Lad’s issues. How can it not reflect badly on how he was parented? Ed pointed out over the weekend when he was home – Lad is wired different. It’s just who he is. We are trying to support him with love while urging him to get help for his struggles. It’s not easy.
I am interested in this housekeeping while drowning book. I often beat myself up for the way the house looks. There is only one of me though, and it is overwhelming at times. I may not have the same issues that this woman faced, but it is a burden at times.
I think this book would be great for you – it’s great for anyone, really. And in terms of Lad, we are all different people – being wired differently isn’t anyone’s “fault” but it’s a part of who they are as a person.
I always forget the drinking age is 21 for you! It’s 18 here.
I basically think that Tom Selleck looks good in a moustache and no one else, so I really dislike Movember! A lot of hockey players do it, and as a hockey fan I can’t wait for December, when most of them will be shaved again.
What do you think when players get “playoff beards?” Or is it just moustaches you dislike?
Your kids are so, so lucky to have you and your parenting philosophy! And I think about that Gibran poem too. Bodily autonomy for all seems like it ought to be standard, but so many families cannot handle it.
My younger one shaved their head at the start of the pandemic, and the older one went for a full beard.
Wow, that’s opposite ends of the spectrum! But you are so right, bodily autonomy SHOULD be standard, but it isn’t.
That’s so funny about your boys and the not shaving in the pandemic thing!! It’s also funny to me because my 14 1/2 year old doesn’t have an ounce of hair anywhere on his face yet (or elsewhere that I can tell)! #latebloomer However, my husband is quite “hairy” and literally has facial hair growing back by the evening when he shaves in the morning. So I assume my boys will get hairier with time. lol.
Great book recs!! The one about keeping house sounds really interesting. I am what I consider an organized disorganized person. Like I’m organized in some ways, but kind of a mess in others. And I’ll have to look up that parenting book. Sounds like it could be a good one to gift my sister- she has 3, 5, and 7 year olds.
It’s so interesting in his high school, there are kids with almost zero facial hair, and there are kids with full, thick beards! Some of that is age and some is just the way they are, I guess!
I love your words “We need to meet people where they are and accept them for who they are.” So true in so many circumstances! I support anyone’s desire to have a moustache…except Jimmy Fallon! Oh, how I wish he’d shave that thing!!
Oh, I haven’t seen him in forever – I’ll have to look up what he looks like!
I am firmly anti-facial hair! I would have to tolerate if my child wanted to try to grow some, but chances are they will take after dad in the facial hair department. Phil’s facial hair is very sparse so he can’t grow a beard or mustache. Thank. God. My dad had a mustache for much of my childhood. I remember one summer he decided to shave it off without telling my mom. He worked outdoors a lot in the summer so gets VERY tan. Had he ran the idea by my mom, she would have told him to wait until the fall or winter. But instead he had a lovely mustache-shaped patch of white skin after shaving it. It was quite the look.
I am reading Catastrophic Happiness right now! I am really “enjoying” the toddler year reflections. I feel so seen. Toddlerhood is HARD for everyone! I actually had not heard of Catherine Neumann until recently. I will read her fiction book soon and plan to check out her back catalogue. I love her style of writing/sense of humor.
Newman is one of my favourite writers and has had a huge influence on me! Her Birdy is a year older than my older son, so I felt like I was seeing the near future, when I read her writing back then.
Lolololol about the tan lines! I would have never thought of facial hair tan lines, but of course!
My husband and I have been together for 18 years and I have never once seen him without a mustache. I’m sure I wouldn’t recognize him if he shaved. At this point the mustache is so much a part of him that I don’t have an opinion on it, but in the end it’s his face and his choice. I do whatever I want with my hair, so it’s only fair to extend the same to all members of humanity! I love what you wrote about parenthood. A lot of parents attribute their children’s good qualities to their own stellar parenting, but in the end, kids are humans who are who they are. I need to remember this every time I go into my 9-year-old’s disaster of a bedroom.
Someone “joked” that I should “shave him while he’s sleeping” and although that was a joke, I did not find it at all funny. Imagine if someone cut your hair while you were sleeping. HAHAHA HILARIOUS JOKE.
My late FIL had a full beard since probably the 60s and I am sure I wouldn’t recognize him without it. He had chemo in the early 2000s and was quite worried his beard would fall out – but it didn’t, thankfully!
My husband is a Man with Facial Hair and I like it. He has a full beard and mustache and I am now pretty convinced that it’s how Men Should Look. When I see clean-shaven men, I think there’s something a little off about it. This is very much like how we have a long-haired cat (DRAMATICALLY long-haired) and now when I see your garden variety short-haired cat, which are the vast majority of cats, I think they look half naked. Anyway. Some ladies like the facial hair is what I’m saying and Movember pleases us muchly.
Engie, FAN OF MOVEMBER!!! I love it! All the ladies who love facial hair are ALL IN!
I think some men suit facial hair and some don’t. My late FIL had a full beard and moustache and I cannot imagine what he would have looked like without it.
I totally agree on letting our kids make their own decisions whenever possible, as well as agree that the ways our kids turn out is only due to our parenting, in a very small way. I have 4 kids and they couldn’t be more different. Fortunately all are kind, respectful and personable. But that’s where the similarities end. I honestly cannot believe how different they are, and yet the same time how close they all are. (Also – If I let nature take its course, I’d be sporting a goatee!!)
Pat, this is a very solid point. I have two brothers and the three of us could not be more different. Same parents. Same house. COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
Parenting matters for sure, but so much is what that person wants to be.
When I was a child, I was terrified of moustaches. I remember my cousin having one, and I used to cry whenever he came near me. This, of course, made my family members laugh, so what did they do? They pushed me close to him at all times. And they wonder why we need therapy.
You provide excellent book reviews. You should work as a professional book reviewer.
Celebrities, I think, are such narcissists that they do not always hire ghostwriters because they genuinely think they are good writers.
Kari, I understand what you’re saying. My grandpa used to take out his dentures and pretend to bite me. I was absolutely terrified. This was when I was small, before I understood that you could lose teeth. It absolutely terrified me that someone could take teeth out of their mouths. I used to run away through the house, screaming, and everyone thought it was so funny. HONESTLY.
You’re so sweet – I would love a job like that!
OMG, Nicole. I am laughing so hard, but also? WTF. Why were our grandparents/parents so stupid?? 🤣🤣🤣
My husband has a goatee and I love it. Occasionally, he will grow a beard and that’s fine too. Clean shaven or just a mustache on him? No, thank you (probably because he’s always had some kind of facial hair since we’ve met. Except for that one time when our son was an infant – and that infant cried when Daddy didn’t look like Daddy anymore!). And honestly, you nailed it – Tom Selleck and Sam Elliott are probably the only men that I can think of (off hand) that can pull off a mustache.
When Man-Child went to college he began to emulate the college mascot (think ZZ Top/Mountain man beard). It was…not a good look (particularly since the mustache portion of the beard was…sparse) but I kept my mouth shut. Because it was his face and his facial hair. Now he sports a neatly trimmed beard/mustache (which has grown in) and I don’t mind it at all.
My neighbour has a beard and he shaved it ONCE – his daughter (probably six at the time) wouldn’t speak to him until it grew back!
You’re so smart to “keep your mouth shut” – so much of parenting older children/ adults is about that!
I am NOT a fan of moustaches…on anyone. But I love when my husband grows a scruffy beard. He doesn’t do it much anymore and it makes me kinda sad, because I love the beard!
This is a huge tangent, but you of all people will help me get to the bottom of this thought…
You wrote: “The receptionist and nurse fawn all over him, and when he does something simple like ask them how they are doing, they gush about his manners and congratulate me on raising such an incredible young man.” The first thing I thought when I read this was, I wonder if they’d do this if you were coming in with a daughter? I’m already noticing things like this with my kiddos. It’s like people assume this helplessness from boys and so when they do something sweet or even just “normal” they get a lot of adulation and praise. This happens to my 8-year old, and my older daughter already seems to get less “praise.” THIS IS NOT A CRITIQUE of your son who I’m sure is positively lovely and I think it’s glorious he gets all sorts of attention, but it’s something that has been on my mind. The same happens to me/my husband. He’ll do something that I do regularly, get observed doing it and get high praise. I feel like you’ll have thoughts on this? What are your thoughts, Nicole?!
All this said, I have to admit there is something extra endearing about my son. Boys are just…sweet in a different way. Have I bought in to the “helplessness” stereotype, too?! I’m sure Freud would have a whole lot to say on this topic.
This is such an interesting point, Elisabeth. I don’t have a daughter so I can’t speak to that specifically BUT I do think that society in general has much stricter rules/ higher expectations for women than for men. Just look at parenting. If a man is out with a baby in a Bjorn and a toddler, immediately he is praised for being such a good dad, maybe even that he’s “giving Mom a break,” etc. But if a woman is out with the same, well, no big deal. My husband used to take the boys to the mall when they were small to walk in loops (in the depths of winter, you understand) and people would often stop and talk to him about the adorable kids, how fun, etc. I would go to the same mall, nothing. In terms of the podiatrist, though, I think it’s because they do not see any young people and I think they think that teens are just a sullen bunch of mumbling grumps. I mean, he’s the youngest by about half a century! But it could be a bit of a gender thing too. He is polite and kind! But also, he’s just asking them how they are today, which I think is pretty baseline for any normal discourse.
Yup. My hubby definitely gets compliments when he takes the kids out and about or plays with them at the park (I’m more likely to be chastised for letting them do something too dangerous on the play equipment)!
This reminds me of the Cup of Jo article about Mary Catherine Starr’s cartoon on how society tends to view the same behaviour between fathers vs mothers: https://cupofjo.com/2022/02/07/have-you-seen-this-viral-comic-about-parenting-double-standards/
Aww. The podiatry team must love to see him coming!! I dislike to lump all teens (or any age group into a single category), but sullen and mumbling do in fact represent a few teens I know right now (I haven’t actually parented a teen myself yet, so we’ll see how our family fares when our time comes!). It really does automatically allow kids to stand out – in the best way – when they’re polite and articulate. I suspect “how are you today” isn’t very typical fodder for conversation with many teens!!!
I have similar feelings about my relationship to my kids. https://erinetheridge.substack.com/p/this-is-my-son-in-whom-i-am-well
BUT a few weeks ago we had our first Big Kid Problems to deal with, which was jarring. Big kid problems are way different than little kid problems, and test the parenting mettle in different ways. Such as “can I be supportive and loving WHILE ALSO being clear about disappointment and expectations AND FINALLY turn this into a moment of growth and trust building and not One of the Things He’ll Talk About in Therapy one day because his parents whiffed.
ERIN!!! This: “I also don’t think it’s some sort of vicarious living or a projected sense of accomplishment. No, what I feel is more like awed disbelief: this young person, who is doing things and doing them well, exists in large part because of me. He has taken his own life—his sentience and consciousness, in his body comprised of millennia of human relationships, that grew in his particular place in his particular time from one particular chosen human partnership: his father and I—he has taken his life and begun to run with it, to make something uniquely his. How incredible.” That is IT exactly!!!
Sorry about the Big Kid Problems. They are tough. I don’t think there are any right answers on ways to deal with them either. I have dealt with problems in different ways with both boys; just go with your feeling, I think.
Hmmm…as you know I live with three men but yes apart from that I don’t get a lot of male company. The boys are a bit sparse in the mustache department, but one of them can grow epic sideburns. They both grew their hair out quite long in the past few years (coinciding with but not related to) the pandemic.
Sideburns! I kind of like a big 70s sideburn.
I actually think Angus looks really good with a beard, but he really likes just a moustache, although he does always apologize to me before doing it. I don’t like it at all, but I am also a firm believer in allowing my children their bodily autonomy – I even let him wear a tie-dyed shirt with plaid shorts to school once.
Angus DOES look good with a beard! Some guys really suit it. At least his moustache is thick and not patchy? Silver lining?
I can’t imagine ever saying that I have PhD in Parenting. Every kid is different and there’s no way one person can be the expert in parenting! I still feel like I’m a Kindergartener trying to parent. Sheesh.
RIGHT? THANK YOU! I always thought that was such a weird thing to say. How pretentious! Like any of us know what we are doing.
My Son In Law was sporting a really thick mustache recently and it took me by surprise. That being said, my husband almost ALWAYS has had a mustache and a short goat-ee. (not sure how to spell it) A few times over the years he’s shaved both and when I didn’t notice, I was chastised a bit. What can I say, I might not always look at his face?? 😜
You should take more credit regarding the two humans you’ve raised; they sound like amazing young men and the world needs more of them!
The books look interesting to me; I’m always so envious at how much you read.
It sounds like your attention is ELSEWHERE, SUZ. #sexytimes Update: HE SHAVED LAST NIGHT. HALLELUJAH IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.
LOL!! 😜
I’m sure that your son and his mustache will either become constant companions throughout life or they’ll part ways, reuniting occasionally during some decades. My husband has had a mustache, a beard, and a goatee as well as long then short sideburns.
I think the important thing is that your sons are kind smart kids who’ll grow up to be kind smart adults, like their mother.
Update! They have parted ways! At least for now, and I am hoping until after grad photos are taken. But we shall see!
The whole nature/nurture debate is an interesting one, especially, I think, as a parent of teenagers. There is such an element of nature to how people turn out to be, as in, you can do as much as you can to raise kind, good humans and they may not turn out to be that way at all. Which is frightening! One of the reasons I don’t think I want to have kids is because I’m always terrified I’d have asshole kids. WHAT IF THEY’RE ASSHOLES?!?! All you can do is love them, support them (and their moustache habits), and hope they grow into people you want to be friends with when they’re older, you know?
Hahahaha what if they are assholes indeed!!! It’s true, sometimes these things just happen.
Yeah, there are very (!) few people who can pull off a mustache IMHO (Tom Sellek being one of them) but people still have to be able to make their own decisions and the mustache obviously doesn’t change what a great human being your son has turned out to be 🙂
I think, I am a prime example (being a twin and basically being raised the same way alongside my sister) how different people still turn out. I mean, of course parents have an influence on their kids, but a lot of their personalities are just who they are.
That is such an interesting point of view that you have, San, of being a twin. I am sure people expected you to be very similar and compared you to each other. It is interesting, how different people are and so much of it is just the people we are!
I love your perspective on parenting and, well, life in general – you can’t change people. They are who they are, and what you think doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you understand that, and treat them like human beings. 🙂 It seems, though, as if some parents just assume their kids will be exactly like them, which, well, is never the case. Even if you did everything the same way your parents did raising you, you’re still raising your kids in a different time, place, and context. So it’s not really “the same” at all…
Thanks Anne – I do think sometimes parents think that kids should be just like them, and they are their own people!