Hello! I have missed you! I have just returned from a two-week vacation, visiting friends and family in the Okanagan. It has been an entire year since I have seen my mother-and-sister-in-law; partly this was pandemic-related, partly Barkley-related, but mostly it was because we didn’t have a place to stay in. I haven’t said much about this, but for the past year our Vacation Home has been turning into our Future Retirement Home; this has been a big project, including the addition of a second floor, that my husband coordinated from afar, while working full-time at his stressful regular job, and all his hard work really paid off. It’s beautiful.
We have been on many, many family vacations of all different kinds, but our Okanagan vacations are always pretty chill; friends are always surprised to hear that we don’t do any big activities or excursions when we spend time here. You’ve never been to the kangaroo sanctuary? What about the zipline tours? No, never.
Our days are all pretty much the same: we visit with family, I cook simple dinners or we very occasionally go out for dinner, we have friends come by to drink wine on the deck or we meet up with friends, I read a lot, I get my steps in and we all get caught up on sleep, and that is pretty much it. This visit, my husband and boys spent time doing odd jobs around the house – putting up towel rods, setting up weight equipment, cleaning out the old shed, taking things to the dump – and I grocery shopped a ridiculous number of times, which is what happens when I don’t do a full weekly meal plan. In the afternoons we would head over to see my sister-in-law, who has a suite in a house on the lake, and we swam.
This was such a great option to have, since there was an Actual Heat Wave happening, as opposed to a Calgary Heat Wave. It was hot enough that I headed out for my daily run or walk fairly early each day; once at the beginning of the trip I felt lazy, started a little later, and finished my run at 9:15 am. I thought I might die, or at least dehydrate.
I don’t think I have really mentioned this, but I have had a loose goal this year of walking or running at least five kilometres a day, and most days I easily exceed that; there have been a couple of days that hasn’t been physically or emotionally possible, like when Barkley died or when I had Covid, and there have been a handful of days when the weather was so bad it was all I could do to make it to four kilometres, but for every one of those days there are at least ten that I would be quite a bit over that goal, so it all evens out in my favour.
Despite this, I haven’t really been running long distances; I just haven’t felt like it, and I am at the point in my life where I am not going to do things that I don’t feel like doing. At home, I have a Run Day twice a week, and I will take a 20 minute Peloton spin class before running six kilometres, and that’s as much running as I feel like doing. But when I was on vacation, I found I had a different mindset, and also I did not have my Peloton and was getting more sleep, so I seemed to have energy to burn. The first day we were settled in, I started running and I didn’t feel like stopping. For one thing, Calgary is at a much higher elevation, and for another, my home run route is uphill for the first two kilometres; in the Okanagan, our house is on a hill so the first two kilometres are downhill, and then it’s completely flat. I ended up running eight to ten kilometres every other day, although I will say that the last couple of K, going up the hill without any shade, in temperatures 20 degrees warmer than at home, were a bit of a grind. I felt pretty accomplished, though, at the end of it.
One morning I was walking, and lost in the beauty of the walk and in my Jiffy Pop Culture podcast, and when I looked up I saw something coming towards me. It was this young fellow:
I have seen many deer in my life but I have never been that close to one. He kept coming towards me, even though I stopped walking. He stopped maybe twenty-five feet away and we looked at each other; I heard a bike coming up behind me and I waved to get his attention. The cyclist looked exactly like a slim Santa Claus, and we murmured in an awestruck way about the beauty of nature, etc., when he offered to take my photo with the deer.
A couple of bikes were coming from the other direction and at that point I got very nervous; this was a young buck, and we were kind of surrounding him. I stood very close to Slim Santa, and we watched as he meandered to the creek and left us.
Bucky wasn’t the only wildlife I encountered; when we were swimming at my sister-in-law’s, I grabbed my phone to take a few photos, and I saw this GIANT fish swim right up near the dock. It was at least two feet long, and it was in very shallow water. I have never seen anything like it; it looked like a giant version of those sucker fish that you buy for your fish tank to keep it clean.
I was thinking while on vacation just how easy everything is now. When the boys were small and we stayed in the original, unrenovated house, with one bathroom and a toilet that flushed maybe once every four times, at best, and that backed up into the shower while I was showering, everything was hard. A “vacation” simply meant that I was doing all the things I normally did at home, but in much less convenient circumstances; it was exactly like that Onion headline:
But now we have a beautiful house with THREE bathrooms and all the toilets flush, and I make meals we like without feeling sad that no one ever makes meals for me – no one does, but I have moved past the Sad Feeling – and the boys clean up the kitchen and help with the everyday jobs, and put on their own sunscreen, which is, as every parent knows, an amazing gift, and if I forget something at the store I can send my son out to pick it up, and we can entertain friends without worrying about bedtime or crying or anything else. With the kids becoming adults, family vacations will become rare and more complicated, and they are probably numbered, really, so I treasured this time we had together.
These are the good old days.
These little purple flowers serve as a reminder to me: when the boys were small and my husband was golfing on vacation, and I was feeling exhausted and resentful, my late father-in-law would try to help me out a little, by taking me and the boys for rides on his Kubota utility vehicle through the vineyard, which they loved. I mentioned once that I liked these pretty purple flowers – they are chicory, I think – and then he silently drove a long way to a part of the vineyard that was covered, absolutely covered, with these flowers. He stopped the Kubota and told the boys we were going to sit there for a while, so “Mom could look at the flowers.” It’s such a lovely memory and one that reminds me that while some things always stay the same, everything changes, and what is hard right now maybe won’t be, in the future.
Why am I sobbing Nicole??? This is so lovely and so poignant. I am not even IN the worst of it right now, but oh how your words touched me!
It sounds like a wonderful soul cleansing vacation and your renovated house is gorgeous. And I am also very happy you are back. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much, Suzanne! xoxo
Same, except I *am* in the thick of it (four girls, 6, 4, 2, and 2), and this really touched me. Thank you, Nicole!
Congrats on finishing the renovation. That must be a great feeling.
I am having some of the same feelings about this summer, because it’s likely the last one Noah will be home for months at a time, as he graduates from college next spring. I have even thought of the same Carly Simon lyric in this context.
Going to look up this song now…
Maya, it’s from Anticipation – and I often think of Steph when I hear that song as she told me that Carly Simon wrote it while waiting for James Taylor to come over. I love little facts like that!
Oh gosh, and he’s going abroad too. Hugs hugs hugs.
These are the good old days… that’s so, so true, Nicole. Loved reading about your father-in-law and his “chicory gift”… what a beautiful memory. Glad you’re back, glad you had what sounds like an absolutely blissful and restful vacation, and your reno looks gorge!
Welcome back from vacay! YES YES YES on running just as much as you want to – I’m working on that myself. And yes, life is so much easier with older kids.
Your vacation home is gorgeous!
Thanks so much! I wonder how much I’ll feel like running now that I’m home! We’ll see!
Welcome back! Sounds like such a lovely time away.
Thanks Jamie!
The renovated home is so beautiful, plus the surrounding area – breathtaking. Hooray for that. I am wondering how far is your actual home from the future retirement/vacation home? I run 4.4 miles every other day in the summer, and I feel great and accomplished when that is done. Once babysitting kicks in, I will not be able to run as often, or at least not as far. I’m enjoying my summer runs.
I remember so well the ‘vacation’ days that were challenging due to all sleeping in the same hotel, or trying to make sandwiches while on long road trips and hoping the younger set would nap in the car, and dealing with their moods if they didn’t. Not to mention packing things that either soothed or entertained little people. I feel like whatever time we are able to spend with all the kids now is so special, because who knows how many more trips we will take when we are able to all gather. *sigh*
The story of your father in law is so touching. What a wonderful, sweet man. We just returned from a weekend with Coach’s family. His father doesn’t even try to converse with me, and makes no effort to spend time/converse with many of his grandchildren. Very sad.
Oh, my friend. I love the house for a variety of reasons. The scenery, the peace it will provide you and your husband. But, most importantly, I love the story of your father-in-law seeing you. To truly SEE you in the midst of your life’s chaos. I’m sitting here crying as I type because I, like many other mothers, can identify to this.
Maybe we aren’t invisible after all. Xoxo
We aren’t invisible after all, YES. Sometimes people see us exactly as we need. xoxo
Welcome back! Can I just say how much I appreciate you referring to this stage of life as the good days? I feel so much pressure as a parent of young kids to love the heck out of every moment because they are fleeting… and yes the kids grow fast but I feel like the outlier in not being sad when the kids turn a year older… Maybe that sounds awful, but I feel like I am best-suited for the bigger kid years. I am really enjoying Paul’s age (4) and I feel like it just gets better and better. And I recognize bigger kids = bigger problems, but it can still be a wonderful stage of life.
One of my best friends (who I met through blogging many years ago!) used to live in Kamloops. I visited her before we both had kids and we drove through the Okanagan region since I flew into Kelowna. I can see the allure of that area! It’s kind of like the lakes region of Minnesota, but even better with all the mountains/foothills surrounding you. What a wonderful feeling to know you’ve got your retirement home all set up for you. It looks gorgeous and dreamy. We are a ways away from retiring and since we had kids so late in life, that probably pushes off retirement or getting a retirement home. My husband is not a planner so doesn’t even like to talk about where we might go. But I for sure can not spend 12 months of the year in Minnesota. No, sir. I need to get away during the cold months.
Lastly, I love the story of your FIL. What a kind, sweet man. The Kubota you describe reminds me of the ranger that my parents have. My parents live on a lake year round now, so we spend 5 days there every August. That’s as long of a vacation as my husband can handle… he hates being a guest! But it’s a lovely reprieve from the business of daily life and our time up there looks like yours. We don’t go anywhere or do much – we enjoy being by the water, feeding crackers to the fish, etc. And I appreciate having extra help from my parents with the boys.
Your post about mom doing all the chores away from home reminded me of this gem about whether you are on a vacation or a trip. We are solidly in trip years for many years to come!!
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/vacation-or-trip-a-helpful-guide-for-parents_b_7789310
I am a mom of four little girls (6, 4, 2, and 2) and I really feel this! The older they get the more fun they are, and the little years are so so so so so so hard. There is joy, but there is also so much stress and exhaustion; it’s ok to look forward to easier days, while also recognizing there are things about these days we will miss. Life is change. ❤️
Thank you for saying this! It’s nice to hear other moms who feel this way! And wow, 6, 4, and twin 2yo!! You are BUSY!!! But yes, life is change and change isn’t necessarily bad!
Wow, what a busy woman you are, Ariana! I kind of hated when people would say Enjoy Every Moment, because wow, that is hard to do when you are just completely exhausted. Yes, we can find joy, but we can also look forward to the day no one needs to be buckled into a car seat and they can apply their own sunscreen (it’s coming!). Life is change indeed!
Oh Lisa! I’m thrilled that you have been there! My husband has family in Kamloops as well, and grew up in Kelowna. It’s a gorgeous place!
As for kids…I have loved all the stages but I think I loved each subsequent stage more and more, if that makes sense. Yes, I loved squishing those baby cheeks, but I loved the stages as they grew and developed even more. I think it just gets better and better. I know that there are issues with the teen years but Lisa, I have loved them! I think you will too. Teens are just so fun and interesting.
I remember seeing something like that years ago – is it a trip or is it a vacation? I think mostly with littles it’s a trip. I had a similar situation to you; my parents live on a lake and they are so helpful and always have been with the kids. I don’t know what I would have done in the early years, if it wasn’t for my mom helping out.
What a beautiful post! The photos are stunning and your writing is so touching. So that’s your future retirement home? I would want to retire right this second! It sounds like you had the best vacation ever. Yes, those days of taking “vacations” with little kids… ha ha, I love the Onion article. Having them grow up is truly bittersweet. I miss those old days… but life is so much easier, and well, for the most part, more pleasant now.
I’m glad you had some great runs! I’m sure the lower elevation helped, as well as starting downhill. I’ll be wondering how your runs feel back at home now.
I’ll be interested to hear what you read while on vacation- you know I rely on you for my reading list!
Today is a run day, and we will see how it goes! I have a book vacation post in the works, stay tuned!
I so agree with you about the vacations now. My daughter is 17 and when we went to the coast this summer, I woke-up ALONE in the hotel room. My husband always wakes really early and goes out for a walk but my daughter woke, saw he was gone and took herself to the lodge to get breakfast. I woke to an empty room. At first I was horrified that she left by herself, until I realized she’ll be going away to college in a year and will be out in the world, by herself, all the time. It was a strange moment, mixed with sadness, fear, and joy. Your retirement home looks lovely. Too bad about the heat wave, though I don’t really trust you when you say you are having one. Was it 100 degrees (F) like it was here yesterday? Ha!
Sadness, fear, and joy – this is exactly it, isn’t it! *breathes deeply*
There was one day where it was 100 degrees! Does that count? I’m back home now and the “heat wave” continues, but I think it MIGHT hit 90 midweek. Maybe! Lololol. Everyone is melting.
What a beautiful renovation! You’re so lucky to have someplace so wonderful to head to for vacation (and retirement!). I love all the photos of nature and the critters you ran into. I was once wandering through this tiny little wooded park in our neighborhood and came face to face with a deer and it was so startling. I mean, of course there are large mammals in the woods, but I never expected to see one!
Thank you! Deer are so big! It is startling to be sure!
I love your idea of vacation, just relaxing and doing what you want, no pressure and rushing around. Very relaxing! And that sweet story of your FIL, so touching.
It was very relaxing! We rush so much normally, it’s nice to just chill.
Oh, Nicole. I was also in tears. Your father in law was a very intuitive, empathetic man. Your vacation/retirement home is absolutely gorgeous! And I love that you have a place to go to rest and relax .
Definitely, these are the “good old days” – I figured I had a couple of me & Man-Child adventures ahead of us before COVID hit. Now, I think those days are gone. Oh sure, we may still head out as a family one day; but the days of just the two of us? I think they are gone.
Oh Gigi. I had to take a deep breath, reading that. I hope you can still head out on an adventure with your son, but I know exactly what you’re saying.
I rarely comment, but love lurking and reading all about your daily adventures. But this post, well, I’m feeling… everything. You write so wonderfully about your family, your life and yourself. Thank you, sincerely!
Hi Elizabeth! Thanks for your lovely comment and thanks so much for reading! Hope you are having a great day!
Welcome back – I was worried about you! I wanted to send you a message to check in but thought that seemed a little strange. So glad you enjoyed your time away and wow! What a lovely future retirement home you have! 🙂
Oh thank you Katie! I’m sorry to have worried you! Aren’t you the sweetest! xoxoxo
Oh Nicole, this is such a beautiful post. I have never appreciated the sunscreen application thing , but I will now! What I really appreciate every time I do it though, is not being responsible for cutting anyone else’s nails!!
I’m going to spend more time counting my blessings, and not despairing over the things that I’m finding hard right now, as , as your post so eloquently and beautifully points out, they maybe won’t be in the future. Thank you xx
There are so many sweet and touching tidbits in this post. Your vacation/retirement home is stunning – you must be thrilled! Your father in law; such an intuitive and thoughtful man. It means a lot when people see us and acknowledge what we are going through doesn’t it? It is a lovely stage when your kids become independent, and I agree 100% that although babies are sweet, it’s very hard work! Although it’s sad when they grow up and move out it’s still wonderful to have these adult relationships with them too! The “good old days” continue.
I love that, Pat, that the good old days continue! I agree with you! It’s super hard to let go but the rewards of having adult relationships with your kids – priceless.
Gorgeous post. So glad you’re back and rested and wow – that house looks amazing!
Thanks so much Elisabeth!
Oh my gosh. I’m crying! Thanks girl, as if I could go one day without tearing and here you are pulling on my sentimental strings! Your father in law sounds like an amazing human.
I am OVER THE MOON for your vacation/retirement home being finished and to your liking and convenience. It is spectacular and a place where you will make many more memories with your boys, their future partners and maybe the pitter pat off little feet one day.
I think that was a cat fish?
And oh lawd, the deer. SO PRETTY!
*passes tissue* sorry Suz!!
Thanks so much for your sweet words! It could be a cat fish? I don’t really know my fishes, to be honest (except, like Nemo and Dory).
Oh, Nicole, this is a beautiful post! I love your later father-in-law; he sounds like he was such a sweet man. Your vacation sounds wonderful; I wondered what happened to you when I didn’t see your regular Monday post and hoped you were off doing something fun on vacation somewhere.
I love your retirement home! The house looks gorgeous, the views are awesome, and it looks so peaceful! I’m so happy for you! I’m curious — would you go back and forth from your current to your retirement home or would you move to live there all time? I am wondering because when we bought our current home 12years ago, I said, “I’m buying my forever home because I’m not moving again!” I throw that statement at my husband every time he talks about retiring somewhere else. LOL
I think that fish might be carp? They’re usually what I see around docks on lakes. I was surprised to see it has whiskers but I asked the mighty Google if carps have whiskers and it seems they do!
I don’t think we’d travel back and forth – it’s an eight hour drive – but you just never know!
Maybe it is a carp! I don’t know fish types!
Your vacation/future retirement home is GORGEOUS! What a beautiful place to escape to when you need it, and it will be such a lovely little space for new memories when the boys are adults and bringing their own families. <3
That’s what I thought too – we wanted to make it big enough for possible future families!
What a lovely getaway, Nicole. Your vacation home looks lovely (oh, what I would give for a vacation home in a beautiful place LOL). I am also very proud of your for sticking to your running routines… that’s really awesome. So lovely you ran into that buck (I always love seeing deer on my runs!).
Thanks San! It felt good to run longer distances (but I’m back to my 6 km now that I’m at home and have my Peloton!)
You know what the best thing is about your renovated home? (Well, other than the bathrooms, because yes, I hear you on that!) It’s how happy you look in all of the pictures. You clearly have your happy place – and I am so happy for you that you found it. <3 (And now I am adding the Okanagan (I think I spelled that correctly?) to my "cool places I'd love to visit" list. 🙂
Thanks Anne – it’s a beautiful part of the world and I think you would love it!