Thank you everyone for your kind words and love on Barkley’s passing. I miss him dreadfully and the house feels so strange, like something’s missing. Probably because something is missing. Because I did a lot of the Dog Care and Maintenance, I am finding myself automatically going to do things – check the water dish, mop up around the water dish, let the dog out, take him for a walk – and then stopping, realizing. It’s a very strange and sad feeling.
This past week was the first week of summer, as the boys had finished exams on the 20th and 22nd of June. We had some beautiful warm days interspersed with cold, incredibly wet and rainy days, which isn’t atypical but it does increase appreciation for sunshine. One of the warm days was Monday, and that was a very lucky thing as I had some very special company that day: relatives from California were road-tripping through Calgary and they were stopping by for lunch.
My cousin Nikki (HI NIKKI) and I are the same age, and we were pen pals back in the late 80s and 90s. Did you ever have pen pals? I had a number of them and several years ago I found a box full of correspondence. What a treasure. It seems like such a strange notion now: we would write letters, asking each other questions and telling anecdotes about our lives, and then a month or six weeks later, we would get a response. Now, of course, we can get instantaneous responses and feedback on photos, we can ask a question and feel piqued if someone leaves us on “read.” But there is something so special about written correspondence. I wrote to so many people that I would get stationary every Christmas and birthday, and at one point I even had monogrammed stationary, courtesy of my grandma, who was a recipient of many letters and who had a vested interest in my stationary supplies.
Nikki and I hadn’t seen each other for nearly thirty years, which seems crazy. I was thrilled that the day was warm and beautiful as there were sixteen people, and my house is small but my backyard is big. Two days after this, I was driving to the grocery store and the heavens opened. Just getting from my car to the store, my jeans were soaked and my shoes squelched for the entire trip. I was very thankful, despite my gross discomfort, that the rain didn’t decide to come on Monday.
We went up to the lake for the long weekend to visit my parents, as per our Canada Day tradition. It wasn’t warm, by a long shot, but it was Warm Enough, and it was sunny, so we spent the day on the boat, and the boys went paddleboarding a few times.
I am trying to do more Fun and Interesting Things, YOLO and all that, and so I told the boys that if they jumped into the water – which, I will tell you, is not warm by any stretch of the imagination at any time, but especially this year with the long winter and cold spring – I would too. Here’s my face when they both jumped:
Well, a promise is a promise, Lieutenant Dan.
It was, I will say, refreshing.
We bustled to make hay/ get all our fun outdoor activities done while the sun shone, and then later that night as we played dice, the heavens opened, again, and almost four inches of rain fell throughout the evening and night. A good lesson to seize the moment, I guess, and also a good reason to pour another glass of wine.
Weekly Reading
Girl Gone Viral. This is second in the Modern Love series, and it’s a cute bit of fluff; a romance between a wealthy woman and her bodyguard. I have now read all three – and you do not have to read them in order, I certainly didn’t – and I think the series gets better as it goes on, which is a bit rare, I think. Don’t get me wrong, it’s mind candy, but it’s cute mind candy.
The Maid. I am by no means a book snob – see above! – but it is very rare that I feel that a “buzzy” book lives up to the hype. This one sure did! I loved this story about a non-neurotypical woman working as a maid in a hotel. She finds a dead body, and becomes central to the investigation. Part whodunnit, part treatise on friendship, family, and the differences that make up the world, it’s a really great read. I didn’t want to put it down, and I was incredibly charmed by the smart writing and the complex character development.
Euphoria. This was such a fascinating and complex novel, inspired by real events in the life of Margaret Mead. It follows three anthropologists in New Guinea in the 1930s, and there are so many layers to the plot and characters, but in such subtle ways. I love that, I don’t like being “hit over the head” with details; I love when authors explore plot points in a way that makes you think. In fact, I woke up in the middle of the night last night, and thought “ohhhhh, that’s what happened.” I will be thinking about this for a while.
Our first week of summer was certainly marked with deep sadness, and today is supposed to be another cold and rainy day, but we are grabbing every moment of sunshine we get. I hope you have sunshine, wherever you are. xo
Thank you for everything in this post, Nicole. Big stores are beginning to put summer stuff on sale around here, and that made me panic–it’s good to know that summer is still here–nearly two whole months left! Grabbing the days of literal sunshine and the moments of figurative sunshine is definitely the way to go.
Oh. I loved Lily King’s _Euphoria_ so much. I think it was the first book by her that I ever read. I read it with my mom, and I remember her reacting to what a minor character says about how the protagonist’s husband likes to break things and how that statement was the key to many mysteries.
YES! That was exactly the line “he break things” – I thought ohhhhhh okay. I see what happened. And also the story line at the beginning, with discussion of the first people they were visiting and what happened to all the firstborns.
I don’t remember the firstborns part, actually… going to go dig it out and reread! (If I have it… I think I may have passed it on to a student who was into anthropology.)
I have been thinking of you and Barkley frequently the past few days. I’m glad you were able to get to the lake and I hope that was comforting.
I’ve heard good things about The Maid.
Thanks Steph, it was weird being at the lake without him, but it was a comforting distraction to be able to enjoy the day.
I bet you are missing Barkley at every turn. Thinking of you.
I’m glad that you enjoyed your cousin’s visit, and that the weather cooperated. 30 years! I do have a cousin in Portland that I haven’t seen since I was a child, so maybe 40 years.
In 4th grade our class had a pen pal project. I was matched with a boy or girl in Australia. I don’t recall, but I do remember finding the cursive handwriting very unusual. That was so fun, but we didn’t keep up for very long. I wrote a LOT of letters in college. My friend in Dallas, whose kids I used to babysit for, used to call me the most letter-writing-est person he’d ever met. It’s so different now, not waiting long for a response.
I’m shivering for you – thinking of you jumping in that lake. Brrr. Years ago, when my kids were small, they begged me to jump off of the high dive on the last day of the pool season. I did it, and they were out of their minds excited. Now they find me entertaining if I simply join in their backyard volleyball games, because I’m terrible and they like to laugh at/with me.
We are enjoying a very sunny 4th of July holiday weekend in Chicago. Thanks, as always, for the great book recommendations.
Enjoy your holiday weekend! I think that the kids just like us to join in sometimes, and I’m trying to do that more.
When my parents lost their beloved dog, the loss of the little daily tasks/encounters were the things that hung on even after they’d accepted his absence. Little pinches of grief. I can imagine how disorienting it is to come across those things regularly.
Your weekend looks wonderful. I’m glad the weather was dry for your visit.
Suzanne, this is exactly right: little pinches of grief. It really is disorienting. xo
I have elderly relatives who live pretty far away and I still try to write them pen and paper notes every month. I don’t always succeed, but it’s nice to have pen pals, even in this modern world with Facetime and email.
I honestly can’t imagine what my day-to-day would be like without our dog, so I can only imagine how empty the house is and how reaching for the leash to go for a walk just happens. I’m glad you had the distraction of fun summer activities to try and keep your mind off of it, though.
So much is habit and muscle memory, and I think it’s going to take a long time to get used to the emptiness.
Yes- it’s going to take you a while to adjust to Barkley being gone. You don’t get over it, but you do get used to it.
I can’t even imagine your weather (it’s so frickin’ hot here, every. single. day.) But I guess the cool rainy days really make you appreciate the nice ones! You are brave to jump in that lake…brrr.
i also liked The Maid! I haven’t read Euphoria but I read Writers and Lovers, and really liked it. So I’m pretty sure I would like Euphoria- I’m putting it on my TBR list!
It’s a very typical Calgary summer – we have some nice days and some really cold days!
Ah pen pals. I used to love writing and of course receiving letters, and yes at one point I had monogrammed stationary.
Eek on the jump on the lake! Been there, done that (and going back there, will do that again).
I love that you had monogrammed stationary as well!
Hi Nicole! Thank you for hosting lunch for us that day. It sounds like the good weather happened at a perfect time.
It was perfect timing!
If I may, congrats on your smokin hot bod. I guess all that yoga is good for something other than mere mindfulness.
Thank you so much, Erin!
Erin: Yes; AGREE! I thought that too 👏😊
I could feel your grief in your writing, my friend. I’ll be thinking about you all week as I do my soul homework. I’m sending you a lot of love, and so much sunshine. ❤️
Thank you, Kari xo
I can only imagine how quiet and sad your house must feel without Barkley. We now share our cat w/ my MIL and whenever she goes back, my husband and I both think we hear or see her, even though cats are very very quiet. It’s the weirdest feeling, but it’s temporary for us since we will get her back/see her at my MIL’s but it would be so sobering to think of never hearing or seeing her in our house again. 🙁
I am glad you had a fun getaway to your parents lake. My parents lake was so cold when we were there 2 weeks ago and I am sure it’s far warmer than your lakes since we are further south. And your parents lake maybe gets run-off from the Rockies? That is what I envision! BURR. The lakes in Minneapolis have warmed up as we’ve had some super hot/humid weather lately so they are quite comfortable!
I really want to read “The Maid”! This is a good reminder to add it to my holds list.
It’s really hard, and yesterday was an especially hard day. But I guess it will get easier. Thanks for your kind words. xo
That water looks brisk! Glad you’re having fun with your family. Oh and thanks for the book recommendations, too! I just finished reading Happy-Go-Lucky (D. Sedaris) and am now looking for something new. Mind candy fits the bill. 🙂 Mona
Oooh, I love David Sedaris but I don’t think I have read that one!
When Dutch passed away, I was still working in an office and I remember trying to make plans after work every night because I just didn’t want to go home to an empty apartment. We had such a nightly routine down and it was AWFUL being in the silence. It definitely takes time and I think you’re doing everything you can during this time of grief – acknowledging it and finding tiny moments of joy in the midst of the pain. <3
I am so relieved you loved The Maid. I just adored the maid character and loved the way her new friends rallied around her. Such a heartwarming story!
Oh, Stephany, I can totally understand this. It’s so strange, coming home with no Barkley! It has gotten better – Tuesday was an absolute low – but it’s slowly getting better.
I LOVED the maid character! It was just such a good book!
It’s so wonderful that you had a visit from your California people. I think I might have had a pen pal at one time, but it didn’t last long enough to make an impact. Now I’m wondering if I was ghosted.
I imagine that water was really cold… you are brave. Wait, I take that back, you are a Cool Mom, not a regular mom.
I hope your heart is healing, but that emptiness does linger. I had a dream about our dog Cocoa last night and she’s been gone almost four years; I still miss her terribly. Big hugs to you guys.
Hahahaha I was a REALLY Cool Mom that day! Really, really cool!
Thanks for your words – it’s actually healing to know that other people have gone through this too. I feel like I will miss Barkley forever.
Oh, Nicole…your first paragraph just gutted me. 🙁 Hugs to you! I am glad you had family visit (from my state!) and weekend away surrounded by your family to give you some uplifting moments during these times.
You are so brave jumping into that lake! I barely get my feet/toes wet on the beaches of Southern CA because it’s too cold! LOL I’m definitely a wimp when it comes to cold, specially cold bodies of water. You are still experiencing cold weather days while I spent almost a week in 100+ days in hot-hot-hot Las Vegas! I was so happy to be back in temperate San Diego!
It’s too bad we can’t split the difference between Calgary and LV! It would be perfect. Then again, San Diego sounds perfect.
Coastal San Diego tends to be cooler but it’s still hot many days in the middle of the day, with the sun beating down on you. But the heat doesn’t linger, only a few hours and the mornings and evenings are cooler. We really need rain here, though…it’s been so long!
I enjoyed The Maid too! And yes to pen pals! I had stationery that smelled like vanilla ice cream when I was young which was the best. I still have pen pals but don’t have scented paper anymore. Let me know if you want to be pen pals!
Ooooh scented stationary!!! I am thrilled you still have pen pals – yes, I would love to!
Oh! Pen pals. I had several – yet I am not sure how I found them? There were at least 2 from England, and one with whom I corresponded for years. To the point where we met her and her brother during a trip to London (my first overseas trip!) long, long ago. Helen. I cannot remember her last name but oh, I remember the fun of receiving those tissue paper airmail envelopes. What wonderful memories!!! So, so happy you were able to reconnect with your cousin/pen pal.
That’s so fun! I forgot all about airmail envelopes!
OMG, I had a gazillion penpals in the 80s/90s…. one of my best friends is a penpal from back then who lives in Sydney, Australia. I mentioned meeting up during one of her trips to the US a couple of years ago. It was so amazing. I loved writing letters and waiting for the response. I still do write longer emails with some people (but even that seems to become a rarity as everyone has moved on to Whatsapp).
I know – there’s no waiting for the responses anymore, and I think that’s kind of a shame.