What’s the opposite of a hypochondriac? Whatever it is, I think I am one.
I had my annual physical this week, and my doctor has started giving me the lab requisition prior to my appointments, so we can discuss the results together. I have never had any issue with my lab work with one exception: I have a weirdly low white blood cell count, which is something that sounds pretty alarming. If you look up “low white blood cell count” the first dozen or so results will be cancer in various forms, followed by autoimmune things like lupus and AIDS. Another possible reason for low white blood cells is low Vitamin B12 levels, but my Vitamin B12 levels are absurdly high, along with my iron levels, which is fairly unusual considering my plant-based diet. In any case, I’ve had low white blood cells for many years, and I’m not dead yet, or incapacitated in any way, so I guess that’s just the way it is for me. My doctor agrees, saying some people just have lower than normal levels; it’s one of those weird unexplained things, and I’m fine with being weird and unexplained.
Anyway, other than that small and strange issue, my lab work is always just fine, so I was very surprised to get a phone call from the doctor’s office a few weeks ago. I was in Superstore, because where else would I be if not grocery shopping, and the nurse informed me that my lab results were back and I have a bladder infection, and so she would call in an antibiotic prescription to the pharmacist near me. Imagine, if you will, feeling perfectly normal and healthy, standing beside the red peppers with a mesh produce bag in one hand, talking through a mask to a nurse who is telling you that you have a bladder infection, while other shoppers dart around you and your giant cart, trying to grab a pepper, with soft mellow music playing in the background. “A bladder infection?” I said, “I don’t think I have one.” She said that I sure did, and listed off the symptoms of such an infection, familiar to all of us, but not applicable to me at that moment.
While still shopping, my husband texted me to say that the pharmacy had called, and I had a prescription ready? The pharmacist was confused since I haven’t had a prescription in a decade or so, and my husband was confused because he “didn’t know I was sick,” and I was confused by the whole thing. By that time I had only made it to the bakery section, and they didn’t have the pitas I like. On my way home I picked up the prescription and then I put it in the cupboard and forgot about it.
I figured that if I developed symptoms, I would certainly take the antibiotics; we were going into the long weekend and what is worse than getting a bladder infection or UTI and having to wait to see the doctor, but if I’m being honest, I thought the lab maybe made a mistake. I mean, wouldn’t I KNOW if I had a bladder infection? If you know, you know, I thought.
Fast-forward to my doctor’s appointment and after all the usual things, he brought up my “recent bladder infection” and asked if the antibiotics cleared it up, at which point I told him that I never took the antibiotics because I didn’t think I had an infection. This led to a careful examination of my results, an assurance that my name and health care number was right there, and a gentle admonition that Some People Can Have Infections With No Symptoms.
Me: But wouldn’t I KNOW?
Doctor: Usually, but not always.
Me: Can it clear up on its own? I feel fine.
Doctor: On some occasions your immune system might fight it off for a while, but untreated infections can go into the bloodstream and cause sepsis.
Me: I am pretty sure I would know if I had sepsis.
Doctor: Well, yes. You’d be delirious and probably hospitalized. That’s why we don’t let it get to that point. That’s why I prescribed the antibiotics.
Huh. Solid point. He went on to say that perhaps my symptoms present differently, and was I feeling a bit more tired lately? That could be it.
Come to think of it, I was feeling a bit more tired than usual, but I chalked it up to nightly hot flashes, my son’s graduation, the frenzy of gardening that comes when Calgary gets decent weather, finishing up my yoga classes until September, and an existential crisis about it being June and my sons growing up. But I guess there could be a medical component in there.
This whole thing is WILD to me. I mean, what are the chances that I just happen to have an infection right when I go for lab work? What if this had happened a few months ago? If my only symptom is tiredness, I would never seek medical attention, never. Theoretically, could I be a little bit tired and then go into sepsis? God, I hope not. This is just like when Covid hit our house, and the first person who tested positive was completely asymptomatic the whole way through, and my only symptom was being tired. Should I be suspicious every time I feel a little tired? I’m going through perimenopause here, what is Normal Tired and what is Halfway To Sepsis Tired? What is It’s Been A Long Week And I Need More Sleep Tired and what is Pack Your Bag For The Hospital Tired?
Well. I went home and started the antibiotics, to my husband’s horror – “You mean you DIDN’T take them already? You got those three weeks ago! Why wouldn’t you take what the doctor told you to take?” – and I feel…fine. Less tired? Who can say? If I listen to my body, it’s going to say I’m fine when in reality, who knows? Hopefully by the time you read this I will not have dropped dead from some mysterious ailment with no symptoms.
Is that bad luck to write? I hope not. I feel a little superstitious, but not enough to delete. I’m fine! I’m sure I’m fine.
Weekly Reading
This Is The Story of a Happy Marriage. About halfway through this book of essays is a 40-page essay entitled The Wall, which is about the author’s experience going to the LA Police Academy as research. I felt sure I had read the essay before – most in the book had been previously published – but on examination I didn’t think I read a 40-page essay in the Washington Post in 2007, when my kids were 2 and 3. The next essay – and please keep in mind, people, that by this time I was well over halfway through the book – seemed very familiar too. I looked at my spreadsheet where I record all my books read and discovered that I had already read this, in 2018. Oops. Some of the essays were very much worth a reread, some were not.
Atlas of the Heart. There was so much food for thought in this intelligent, yet easy to read book about connections and emotions. Some chapters really resonated with me. The section on “Bittersweet” summed up exactly how I’m feeling these days and the existential crisis I am having.
“Sadness about letting go of something, mixed with happiness and/ or gratitude about what’s been experienced and/ or what’s next.”
No Cure For Being Human. We all know that life is short and miraculous, and technically we all know we could be living our last day today, but what if you REALLY knew today could be your last day? What if you were living with an incurable and terminal disease and you’d already outlasted expectations? How would you live your life? This is a truly beautiful book about finitude and living within our limitations as people. I read her first book, but in my opinion this one is much better and more uplifting.
And now, my dear friends, I shall pass the microphone on to you. Where do you land on the hypochondriac scale? Have you ever had a medical issue without knowing you had a medical issue? Are you having an existential crisis of any kind? Have you ever read more than half a book before realizing you had already read it? Tell me everything. xo
Yes I am an “opposite of a hypochondriac” as well. There needs to be a word for that. The bladder infection is very strange, but I’m sure that there’s no harm in doing a round of antibiotics here and there. I’ve taken my anti-hypochondriac-ism to the extent of not doing routine checkups though, and I really need to stop doing that and make the appointments already.
The making of the appointment is always the hardest part!
Oh, hurray, I am glad you liked No Cure! (I recommended it in your comments when you read her earlier book and I would have felt irrationally responsible if you had hated it.)
I have always kept a physical list of books read but the bit about checking your spreadsheet makes me wish for a CTRL-F option. The combination of more lifetime books read + a memory that is just a leetle bit wobblier these days — well, life is too short to reread books that don’t need rereading.
I knew someone recommended it but I forgot who! Thanks Jamie! I liked it a lot!
I recently download a Liane Moriarty and about 80 pages in, I realized I read it 2 yrs ago. (A lot of her books are similar with jumping around between time periods and characters ‘s perspective, so I didn’t recognize it at first.) I did just check out a book that 2 chapters in I now realized I read a few months ago. In my defense, the first one was digital, and the second large print, so cover art was completely different.
I mildly whine about illness but am not a hypochondriac. (I have a husband and daughter for that.) The few times I go because I think I’m really sick it’s usually a virus so there’s nothing much to do anyways.
I have had something I didn’t know I had – and my doctor missed it in my physical. The screening test a few weeks later brought it up. Preventative maintenance is key, people!
Now I’m curious – which Moriarty did you read? I think I’ve read all her books, or most at least, and I get what you’re saying.
I’m so glad the screening brought it up!
Truly Madly guilty – I had liked it the first time I read it but apparently not as much as I thought!
I have read that one! But it was a while ago so I could see myself accidentally rereading it!
I am more toward the hypochondriac end of the scale, but wow, if “tired” is the only symptom I would never know I was sick. I’m pretty much always tired! I hope the antibiotics clear up the hidden sickness for you. Though how would you know?
Right? So strange! I mean, can’t we be tired without it being a THING? My doctor wants me to do a follow up test to make sure I’m infection free, which is a bummer but I guess I’ll do it.
i’m like you, more like the opposite of a hypochondriac. I regularly ignore odd little symptoms, and so far everything has just gone away. Ha ha, maybe that’s not a good long-term plan. I also had a low white blood cell count for a while, but that corrected itself (See???) So maybe that’s more common than we know. That is kind of weird and suspicious about your asymptomatic bladder infection. You’re right- what if you weren’t getting your bloodwork done regularly? What then?
The existential crisis you’re going through is very, very familiar to me. Last summer when my son graduated high school and then left for college, it hit me hard. All I can say is… you get used to it. My daughter is still pretty young (13) but now I’m hyper aware of how fast the time goes. SIGH! It’s not easy.
Oh, that is good to know, both on the low white blood cells and the “getting used to it” thing. It’s hard! I’m feeling a little bit raw these days.
So last time I had a physical, I also had an elevated level of whatever it is that means you have a bladder infection. Except my doctor said, that’s fine, unless you feel bad we’ll just ignore it. That was like 6 weeks ago and I’m fine… I’m not saying you didn’t have a bladder infection, but I’m guessing that this is a thing that doctors handle differently. I have definitely done the “I am not taking medicine if I don’t feel anything is wrong with me” before!
If you liked No Cure for Being Human you might also like Between Two Kingdoms.
I have read that as well, and I liked it, but not as much as No Cure For Being Human.
I didn’t love taking antibiotics when I feel just fine, but then again, I guess I don’t want sepsis…and I take meds so rarely that I got a little “meh” about it.
That is SO WEIRD. The whole thing.
I definitely fall more on the hypochondriac end of the spectrum, which makes it extra good my husband and father are doctors so I can consult them about my every twinge without wasting other medical resources. If tiredness is a precursor to sepsis I am ever at the edge of death.
And I am definitely having an existential crisis these days, so I empathize completely.
That is a HUGE benefit of having doctors in the family! Your own consult, right there!
Sorry about your existential crisis. Big hugs, my friend. xo
Wow — that is wild about your blood test showing you have a bladder infection when you felt completely fine (albeit a bit tired). I didn’t even know the blood test can specify an infection; I thought it’d just show there’s an infection but not pinpoint to a specific one! Good to know!
I’m more the opposite of a hypochondriac, too…and yes, to the point I don’t often feel like I need to go to the doctor for my annual physical. When my doctor said there’s no longer a need for a yearly pap (every couple of years is now the “new” guidance?), it made me even more lackadaisical about it. One example: I didn’t have a mammogram for 3yrs (my doctor kept giving me orders and the good people at the imaging center kept calling me to make an appt — I kept ignoring it all) and it got to the point my health insurance bribed me to go take one! A $25 bribe!! How could I resist??? LOL But actually, that kind of scared me a bit, thinking, “If they were willing to give me money to get this done, maybe I should??” So I went…but didn’t care to claim my $25. LOL
Oh, I should have been clear – it was the routine uranalysis that showed the bladder infection, not the blood work. I get them done at the same time.
I am getting paps every two years now but I do get a mammogram yearly because, as my doctor says, I am “dense and lumpy.” Lol!
Well, you beat me! I’m only dense but was not called lumpy. You win! But anyway, this last one I had (last month), my doctor ordered the 3D mammogram because of the “dense”.
I’m rather neutral, I think, about my body. I wouldn’t consider myself a hypochondriac, but every few years something will crop up and I force myself to get to the doctor just to make sure all is well. What I am terrible at is sticking to any treatment plan. I am like the worst patient ever if it’s long-term. Taking a daily vitamin just does not happen. I’m a questioner and I feel like I’m forever trying to evaluate if a course of action is actually warranted. Thankfully I’m rarely sick, but I’m sure I would really frustrate doctors. In the short-term (say if I had to take antibiotics for a week) I’m fine, but taking Vitamin D every day like my doctor suggests? This definitely does NOT happen.
Oh, and I’m the opposite – I take SEVERAL vitamins and supplements every day. It’s possible they are useless but on the other hand…I feel great so maybe they aren’t?
I used to be a hypochondriac, but soul homework has made me more like you. But now I’m worried that I might have sepsis. LMAO. Just kidding. OR AM I??
Speaking of illnesses, I have a condition called “I can’t stand Brene Brown and I don’t know why.” I have no reason not to not like her, but I get bad vibes. Same with Glennon Doyle.
So wait, did you take the antibiotic??
I did take the antibiotic! Trying to ward off sudden sepsis 🙂
I feel the same about Glennon Doyle! And this is the first book of Brown’s I have read; I liked it but I did try to listen to her podcast on the advice of a friend and I just…did NOT like it.
Let’s start a secret club.
Oh my gosh! I have the same condition re: Doyle and Brown!
You’re in the club too.
Yes! It’s a deal.
Can I be in the club too? I don’t see what all the Doyle fuss is about. I do like B.B. but found her podcast not as enjoyable for some reason. Too dramatic or something.
You are IN the club!!
Oh my goodness. If a doctor told me to take an antibiotic, I think I would do it. I do think it is incredibly odd that you just so happened to get labs drawn while having a symptom free bladder infection, or incredibly lucky? I am a rule follower, but I don’t think I am a hypochondriac. I’m glad you ended up seeing the doctor and taking the meds.
I have a sister in law, who is lovely, but she is what I call Munch-hausers (spelling?) without the munch. She believe her kids have EVERY illness, but she doesn’t inject them with every illness.
I do have a thing that happens in my insides, that no doctor has been able to figure out. I hope it is nothing, but occasionally when it ramps up I do fear that it IS something, like something horrible and not yet able to be detected, and then I worry that this is getting to be the end of the line for me. I do not fret about it constantly though, so I don’t think it counts. I keep trying to figure out how to write a post about it without being too graphic.
I do not think I’ve re-read something, but I also don’t read as much as you. I also don’t have a spreadsheet, so how would I know. 😉
Yikes, I have heard of that syndrome and I think I even read a book about a very extreme case.
I hope you’re okay! That sounds alarming! I think I would get more worried if I had something chronically painful/ upsetting.
I have read both of Bowler’s books and appreciate her perspective on things. In her last book, she included a list of things to not say to someone with cancer/a terminal illness/going through something hard. I think it should be required reading for all humans! Like don’t reference God’s plan, or say everything happens for a reason, or that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle and so on and so forth.
I probably fall on the more hypochondriac side of the scale but I also have a lot of things going on between rheumatoid arthritis and other maladies. What stopped me in my tracks was reading that you haven’t had a prescription in 10 years! OMG I am so envious. I am on so many meds (mostly related to my RA) that I have a day-of-the-week pill box w/ AM/PM boxes. Because it is too much for my poor brain to keep track of. I also had a scary situation in my first pregnancy around 33 weeks. I had this AWFUL pain my leg and multiple people were like – oh it’s round ligament pain, that bothered me, too. So I thought, wow I can’t really walk or sleep but I guess it’s just worse for me? So I tried to see a PT that specializes in pregnancy and she gave me some stretches that were so so so painful that I couldn’t do any of them, but still I thought – well, this is part of having a baby. Luckily I had an OB appt that week, mentioned the awful pain and the NP sent me for an ultrasound just to be sure it wasn’t a blood clot. Turns out it was a massive blood clot and going forward everyone in the practice knew who I was – “the woman who had the huge blood clot” – from the receptionist to the ultrasound tech to the nurses to the OBs. Because I had the most epically huge blood clot. Not round ligament pain. I also kind of dismissed the pain I had before my RA diagnosis as getting older (even though I was only 32 at the time!). So I think those 2 experiences have taught me to be hypervigilant, plus I am an ANXIOUS person. That said, I’ve never, to my knowledge, been asymptomatic, and certainly not when having a bladder infection. But if I had to use exhaustion as a signal of something wrong, I would be screwed. My husband never tested positive for covid and we talked about how he is very tired, but show us a parent of young kids, one of which is going through an awful sleep regression and waking way too early, that isn’t tired. I think exhaustion isn’t a symptom for us, but just a stage of life?? So God help us if we are supposed to pay attention to being more tired!!!
Oh my god Lisa, how scary about the blood clot! Thank goodness you had an OB appointment that week! That kind of thing takes my breath away, honestly. And I am so sorry you have RA, that sounds absolutely dreadful. I can only imagine the level of tiredness at your house!
I LOVED that list of things not to say. It was so smart and I agree – should be required reading.
In 2015 a blood test revealed that I was anemic. I didn’t really get worried about it because I thought if it was that bad, surely I’d know right? So I ignored it for awhile. Eventually my doctor called me and insisted I come in for an iron transfusion because I was severely anemic – as in I had an iron level of 4 (out of 100). I remember the doctor asking basically how I’d been functioning – wasn’t I tired etc? My response: I work FT and have two kids, of course I’m tired! Everyone I know is tired! I got the transfusion and my iron levels approached normal and I was still tired because I still work FT and have two kids… Now I just make it a point to take iron supplements and eat more iron rich food because evidently I’ll never know short of annual blood work whether I’m anemic or not just based on tiredness 🤷🏼♀️
Wow, that is really anemic! Have the supplements and iron rich foods worked for you? The thing about using tiredness as a symptom is that it is so subjective. Like, what is the baseline here?
So far so good with supplements and eating iron rich foods. Plus (this is probably TMI but oh well) I got an IUD and stopped getting my period, which had become completely ridiculous and was definitely contributing to my anemia. I wish there was some mode to measure tiredness that included a baseline because I feel like becoming a parent nearly 20 years ago just blew out my ability to properly evaluate tired 🙂
I mean, yes, and add menopause-related sleep stuff…how would we know what is normal tired?
I tend to hypochondria, but not the kind where I go to the doctor, just the kind where I freak out internally and suspect I’m dying, but then eventually don’t die so figure out I was wrong. Every time I’ve gone to the doctor suspecting something is wrong I’m generally correct. I’m always tired, but there’s the kind of tired where I know my iron is low again and the bloodwork results always confirm it.
I love pretty much everything Ann Patchett has written, including that book of essays (“little old nun toes” is my biggest takeaway – so charming) I’m a bit more iffy on Brene Brown, but it might have just been the wrong time to read it.
This was the first I’ve read of Brown, and I did like it, but a friend had recommended her podcast and I did not like it at all. Then again, it could have been the timing of listening as well.
This is weird.
Not to be a scaremonger, but my uncle died this morning of sepsis. Now, he had a host of complications. He was 65. He had spastic quadriplegia from cerebral palsy, and his health and mobility declined very dramatically the past few years. He was permanently cathaterized, which is notoriously difficult to keep from developing bladder infection.
Last Friday my grandmother visited him—he had been moved to a nursing home three months ago—and he was fine. She visited him on Tuesday afternoon, and he was very ill. They called 911 and he was taken to ICU and put on a ventilator. This morning he passed away. That’s how fast sepsis can go.
OBVIOUSLY you are fit and healthy. But when you said bladder infection, then you said you put the antibiotics in a cabinet and forgot about them, I gasped. THESE TWO SITUATIONS ARE NOT EQUIVALENT. But please perhaps be a little more hypochondriacal.
Oh Erin! I am so very sorry about your uncle’s passing. Thank you so much for sharing this story and I promise to be less cavalier about things – I did take the antibiotic and I am going for a follow-up lab test. Again, I am so sorry about your uncle and am sending big hugs and love to you and your family.
Knock on wood-I’ve never had a medical issue without out knowing it. I just had my full physical last week and Knock on wood, I’m pretty healthy. A bit ‘fluffy’ and my cholesterol numbers are over the norm, but still, I’m hanging in there. Now that I think of it, I have been more tired lately….
I can’t believe you could have a bladder infection without knowing it. That’s crazy!
I always wondered how you knew what books you’ve read before….and now I know! A spreadsheet. “Of course Nicole has a spreadsheet” Suz says to herself. 😜
I love my spreadsheet – where would I be without it! Well, I would be rereading books without knowing it a lot more, I guess.
I loved your story! I think I’m more on your end of the spectrum. I always assume that we’ll all just bounce back from whatever is going on and that everything is just a cold!!
I also read that Ann Patchett collection a few years ago and loved it. Glad to hear that it (mostly) holds up as a reread 🙂
We are like that guy in Monty Python – it’s just a flesh wound, really! *arms fall off*
I did that with Lighthousekeeping (Jeanette Winterson) once. Once I realized I’d already read it I kept going because it was so good. I had the opposite experience recently with Stephen King & Richard Chizmar’s Gwendy’s Button Box. I thought I had read it but I was going to re-read in preparation for reading the rest of the series and when I got started I realized I’d never read it.
I feel you, Steph! Been there on both counts!
See, see, this is why I dislike going to doctors. You walk in healthy and happy, then they start down some path and you’re suddenly sickly and sad. People laugh at me when I say this, but doctors are only interested in you when you have something wrong with you… and if you don’t they’ll find something.
Ally, I hear you! Now I’m wondering if I need to be Concerned every time I’m tired!
Oh, Nicole. I’m glad you feel fine!
Rightly or wrongly, I too feel like I know my body better than my doc. and only follow the recommended procedures I feel are necessary. (And my doc spouse supports my take, FWIW.)
And I have to say LOVE all your book selections this week. I list towards fiction most of the time, so your list is particularly welcome.
I’ve been reading a lot of non-fiction lately, not particularly by choice, but because that’s what’s come in on my hold list at the library!
I miss ONE day around here! Glad to see you are still with us and functioning. My hypochondriac tendencies usually only flare up when I Google “Why is X happening?” That is never a good idea. On the other hand, while I don’t LIKE going to the doctor; I don’t mind it. But it’s picking up the darn phone and making the appointment that kills me every time.
Oh, making the appointment is the WORST. See, this is what happened when I googled low white blood counts. Cancer, cancer, cancer, AIDS?
Whoa that story is bizarre – but NOW I want to know what your stress levels on your Garmin said! I wonder if you had some weird numbers but didn’t notice. I can see a flare coming in my HS I think – I need more data to really tell.
I was not much of a hypochondriac and then 2 years of waiting for a diagnosis coupled with covid in the middle has knocked me solidly into the “every twinge freaks me out” camp.
Hmmm, you know what, I didn’t even notice. My RHR was unchanged, but I didn’t think to look at stress levels.
I hate taking antibiotics but I’m also thankful we live in an age when they are available so I try to find a balance! What a curious story. And yes, I am in the middle of an existential crisis myself. Kids growing up + aging. It’s an odd place to sit in.
Yes, Laura, that’s it exactly! Thank you modern medicine, but also, I don’t want to overuse it. Plus, all the tummy things that come with antibiotics!
I am 100% a hypochondriac. I definitely have some sort of medical-related anxiety because I start going into panic mode whenever I have a weird symptom. I can even start to worry about a brain tumor if I’ve had more than one headache in a week when the reality is, I just need to drink more water!
Like Lisa, I’m also astonished you haven’t had any antibiotics in a decade! That’s amazing. I feel like I’m taking at least one a year for some random issue, like the weird facial rash I dealt with at the beginning of this year.
That’s crazy, though, that you had a bladder infection with no symptoms! I wouldn’t have taken the antibiotics either, if I was feeling fine. How strange!
I have had bladder infections and UTIs before, and so it was just so weird to have something like that and be fine!
Honestly, I don’t blame you for not taking that blood work seriously. I’ve had some run arounds with doctors recently, have been reading up (yes, on the Internet) a lot and felt like I was totally dismissed albeit asking all the right ( and informed) questions. I feel like doctors often have only very limited knowledge and if anything are experts maybe in ONE area, and if they’re treating you for something else and haven’t heard of something that you bring up with them, they just dismiss it….
I had a persistent dry cough a few years ago and the doctor just told me I had allergies and prescribed benadryl… without looking any further. I didn’t get the prescription because I was convinced that I had no allergies. I feel like we often know our bodies better than a doctor that you consult for maybe 15 minutes…
I agree we know our bodies the best!
I’m in the same boat. I think you know I have a fracture now that I thought was a dislocation. I also have had two other fractures that I didn’t know about. I just dismissed them. One I thought was just a bad bruise on my arm, until I went in with a really severe infection. That almost led to sepsis, just so you know. The other, I found out about this year, when they took an x-ray of my foot, and told me that part of my heel had fractured off and was now up by my achilles tendon. So yeah, I get it. And I wouldn’t have taken the antibiotics either. I actually would have gotten in touch with my provider and said what the heck are you thinking? 🙂
Oh my goodness Anne! That’s terrifying about the sepsis, and the heel fracture. It must be so painful.