Very frequently, of late, I have looked into the mirror and noticed what I thought was mascara smudged under my eyes. Each and every time, I try to remove the smudged mascara only to realize that it is not smudged mascara at all: it is just my skin, and that is how it looks now. Since this happens almost daily, you would think that I wouldn’t be surprised by this, but you would be wrong. I am surprised, every time.
My undereye circles are a bit more pronounced this week; I have been just a little short on sleep for several nights in a row. It turns out that those fifteen or twenty minutes each night start to add up, and I’ve been feeling just a little bit tired.
There was a parent meeting for my son’s club wrestling, and it was in person. I was so startled by this turn of events, I hardly knew what to do. I was waiting for information on a zoom link, and when the information came that the meeting would be in person, at the university, you would think that someone would have told me that I was slated to perform an interpretive dance in front of an audience of 1000. What do I do, where do I go, what do I wear, how is this going to work? It was fine, of course, although it has been over two years since I have been in a room with thirty other people. It has also been almost 25 years since I was at that part of the university, and it was very fun to walk by the fitness centre and the racquet centre, places I used to spend considerable amounts of time at, and that have – not surprisingly – changed a great deal.
There are lots of changes afoot. The people that bought the house next door, and are renovating it completely, are so nice and I am so looking forward to having them as my neighbours, not just because I think they will be a lovely addition to our neighbourhood, but also because that will mean that their renovations will be complete.
I see the gentleman a few times a week, on the occasions that I happen to be outside when he’s checking on the progress of the renovation. We always have a quick chat and he always says, in the most amiable way, “I hope the noise isn’t bothering you too much!” to which I respond, perkily, “No, no, it doesn’t bother me at all!” And that’s true! Mostly.
I am a person who can easily absorb loud noises and just go on with life; it’s almost like the sounds of hammering and beeping and what have you becomes white noise to me, with the exception of the afternoon that they jackhammered out the front steps and walkway. When that happened, my whole house shook intermittently for two hours, and my nerves, people. I kept repeating my favourite coping line, stolen from Allison (HI ALLISON) a decade ago: there will be a time after this. There will be a time after the jackhammering.
But mostly, it’s been just fine. I don’t have any babies or small children for whom the noise might disturb their sleep schedules, and the dog is almost completely deaf, so he is unbothered. The only problem came last weekend, when it appeared that the workers were on some kind of deadline, perhaps to coordinate trades for the week ahead. For five days straight they worked until 10pm.
For normal people, I am sure that wouldn’t be an issue, and if you were standing on the street, you probably wouldn’t have noticed, but the side of the house they were working on was the one nearest my bedroom, and 10pm is over an hour past my bedtime. I lay awake, hearing the hammering of…pipes? I don’t really know what they were doing. There will be a time after this. This is temporary. It took me a long while after they finished work to fall asleep, and I repeated my sleep mantra, which is My body is resting, even if I don’t sleep I am still resting my body. I generally find that soothing enough to fall asleep without becoming stressed out and anxious that I’m not sleeping enough.
The construction is temporary, the neighbours are not, right? I like all our neighbours; I cannot stress enough how important it is to me that the neighbours and I get along. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by a feud between neighbours; I will do anything to keep the peace, including never saying anything about workmen being noisy right up until the bylaw deadline. After all, over the past 22 years our neighbours have been wonderful, and that includes the times when we have had swarms of children in our yard, jumping on the trampoline and screaming, and also my son’s daily drum practice. I feel grateful to have had such fantastic people of all ages and personalities living nearby, and I just know our new neighbours are going to be lovely.
And the more work they do on the house, late in the day, the faster the renovation will be done. Right? Right. In any case, I got a little more sleep last night, downgrading my undereye circles from Raccoon to Lightly Smudged Mascara.
Pandemic Reading
The Ex-Boyfriend Yard Sale. When a broke actress finds herself in major credit card debt, she tries to think of ways to raise money: what if she sold the items given to her by ex-boyfriends? The idea of valuing such items turned into a one-woman stage show, and then, obviously, this book. She enlisted the help of mathematicians and economic theorists to create a formula for valuing gifts from exes, and the value the exes brought to her life. The economic theory and math was fun to read, and for me, it made this book a worthwhile read. However.
Listen, we have all had our share of bad relationships and made our share of bad decisions. What would it be to read a memoir in which no bad choices were made and everything was just fine. AND YET. I found myself constantly frustrated with and disappointed in the author. MAKE BETTER CHOICES, MY GOD. If a man has sex with you for three years, and yet refuses to be called your boyfriend, that is not just a red flag, it is an entire skyscraper ensconced in red velvet. If a man tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, don’t keep trying to be in a relationship. Even if he does “give you six orgasms” or an orgasm that “lasts three minutes” every time you have sex (which, what?). There is a part where she tells him everything she wants in their relationship, and people, this is THREE PAGES LONG and lists everything from “spending every holiday together, just the two of us” to “never letting our sexual desire fade” (understandable, given the six-orgasms-per-sexual-encounter), to “buying a sectional for snuggling.” After this three page monologue, the guy says that he doesn’t want any of those things, and he cannot give her any of those things, AND YET SHE PERSISTS IN TRYING TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. Girl, this is a booty call. He is not spousal material. The whole time I was reading this, I kept thinking, girl, no. Just no. Stop calling him. I don’t know, maybe I’m just getting too old to read these kinds of memoirs.
Whoa, that was a long review. I have feelings, I guess. Moving on.
The Story Hour. I enjoyed this book about the relationship between two women; one from India, the other her psychiatrist. Midway through I thought I knew where it was going, but it turns out I didn’t at all. I like that. The major theme was the mistakes that we make, how we atone for them, and can we forgive others’ mistakes as well as our own. Thrity Umrigar is a real talent; her ability to craft characters that are multi-dimensional is breathtaking. It also made me think about the judgements we make about people, and how there is always so much more to their stories than what we see.
It’s been a more social week than usual; lots of visits with friends, so I’m feeling happy coming into May. May! Already! Every month it feels shocking to change the calendar. Happy May to you, my friends. xo
An in-person meeting with that many people would surprise me, too. So far all school meetings are still virtual.
Construction noise until 10 would get my goat. Our next door neighbors are doing a big renovation but so far it has not been particularly noisy. We share a driveway and the vehicles sometimes block us in, though.
Xander is almost deaf, too. North picked him up from behind yesterday and startled him so badly he cried out in alarm, even though doesn’t mind being picked up. North says he probably thinks he lives with a bunch of ninjas.
Yes! We often pet Barkley and he sometimes doesn’t see it coming, and is startled.
Yeah, I also wouldn’t raise a stink about the renovation noises. As you said, it’s temporary, and the neighbors will be there for a long time. And anyway, it’s not like there’s a way to operate a jackhammer more quietly. The work until 10 pm gets into a questionable category, but once again it’s temporary. If that was a permanent situation complaining would be justified- but it’s not. I hope they finish soon!
Your review of the Ex-Boyfriend Yard Sale is pretty funny. I don’t think I want to read the book, but I’m glad I read your review. The Story Hour, on the other hand, sounds really good! I just put a library hold on it.
We just had a work meeting last night (I know- why on a Sunday night??? It’s the only evening our clinic is closed to clients, so it make sense for a meeting.) It was the first in-person meeting we’ve had since Covid, and it would have been nice to do it via Zoom rather than leaving my house on a Sunday night! Oh well.
I have to admit, part of my reticence about the meeting was leaving the house in the evening – I’m tired!
I completely understand the ‘leftover mascara’ under the eyes.
I DO hope you get all your sleep back.
10pm? Wow. That is late for workers to make noise; you are the best neighbor ever!
“There will be a time after this” I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS MANTRA.
Reading your review of the memoir makes me want to find that woman and shake some sense into her.
“He’s not your soulmate!” I said, a number of times, to the book!
You and I have a lot in common. The jackhammer story is one that I can really identify with. Not to mention the dark circles. Our family, however, has a hereditary predisposition to dark under-eye circles. I believe they are becoming lighter with each generation. Maybe it’s because we don’t have to wake up at 4 a.m. to milk cows?
The Ex-Boyfriend Yard Sale reminds me of Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls. I’m not sure if you ever watched that show, but Lorelai was infuriating to watch when it came to relationships. I know she wasn’t a real character, but it felt personal. 🙂
I’m so glad you had lots of social visits to make your entrance into May extra happy!
I never watched that show! I know exactly what you mean, IT FEELS PERSONAL. And, well, this woman is a real woman, and she’s in her 30s, and…you know, I feel like she should maybe have gotten it together by now.
10 pm feels SO late for work to be happening at a house? I also agree about not getting into disputes with neighbours. We have a WONDERFUL neighbourhood, but there has been a recent change that has been probably the single biggest point of anxiety for me over the last 6 months. There is a very complicated situation in our neighbourhood and because of where we live I am more involved in this complicated situation than I would like and it stresses me out. So much. I want to be kind but there are all these levels of considerations and I have to admit I wish I could turn back the time by 6 months and tweak something so this whole kerfuffle hadn’t taken root. Sigh. BUT, there will be a time, in the future, when this is no longer an issue. So, I remember that sort of thing and mostly get on with my days.
Oooh, that sounds frustrating and stressful. I hope it gets resolved!
Just this morning I looked in the mirror and thought, YEP. YOU DID NOT GET AS MUCH SLEEP AS YOU NEEDED. Puffy eyes/bags do not lie.
Oh my. I do find it frustrating when women make such bad choices. He is telling you this won’t work. STOP THE MADNESS.
I have read the THERE WILL BE A TIME AFTER THIS mantra here before. I need to remember it and USE it. Good stuff. I’m excited that you are getting new neighbors and I understand how you are looking forward to their renovations to be done. 10 pm is late. Goodness. My neighbor, Mary Ann, likes to tell us not to park in certain places on the street despite the fact that she has no authority over said parking. I would welcome renovation disturbances if it meant I could swap her out for a new, delightful neighbor. Hee hee.
THE EYES DON’T LIE, ERNIE! They always tell us when we need more sleep!
Having great neighbors is such a gift. We like ours, too, and the people on our block. We’ve only lived here for 2.5 years and moved in Nov 2019 and then the pandemic hit. So it took some time to meet people, but we get to know more people each year and our son attended the bday party of a girl on our block this weekend which he had a blast at!
Oh gosh, undereye circles are such an issue for me. This is where being an older mom really shows through! I can not handle the interrupted sleep and sleep deprivation like a 20-something mama likely could! Apparently there are some make-up tricks that can hide the circles but I am trying to wear as little make-up as possible since my skin is clearer when I don’t wear much so I am accepting that I will always look a bit tired!
OMG that ex-boyfriend book! It is hard to read books like that and not make judgments, isn’t it? I felt that way when my bookclub read “Welcome to the godd*mn ice cube” this winter. The memoirist just made horrible decisions at times that put her wellbeing in jeopardy so I was very judgy reading it!
I just looked up that book, having never heard of it, and NO. No, thank you! I would be the same way, reading something like that.
I find that makeup to hide my undereye circles tends to somehow make it worse, so I just try to go with it.
Oh oh oh the late-night construction noise sounds so awful. Like you, I would probably just ENDURE it, but I would be jangled while doing so. VERY JANGLED. Here’s hoping it is well and truly over.
This reminds me of one of the apartments my husband and I lived in before we were married. I worked from home then, as I do now, and the downstairs neighbors had two beagles who were miserable and howled all day every day. It was too much. My nerves were quite frayed.
When those neighbors and the poor beagles finally moved out, two twenty-something dudes moved in. They had the habit of blasting music before they went out in the evening… which was often ten or later. One night the music went on and on and on and my husband and I finally went down to the neighbors’ apartment in our pajamas, well past midnight, and asked him to turn it down. Turned out that the young man whose music it was LEFT HOURS AGO and locked his door with the music on inside. Probably to go pay a booty call to a young woman who wanted much more of a commitment than he was willing to give.
I am glad that apartment living is in my past.
OH MY. That sounds absolutely dreadful!!
I know that shock of realizing you are going to be around people in person. It happened to me a week ago. It’s weird to think how natural it was, but now it seems unusual. I’m sorry your neighbors are working on their property at 10:00 p.m. I like your attitude though– the sooner they’re done the sooner it’ll be quiet again. Who needs sleep when you have happy neighbors next door! 😉
Ally, you’re exactly right on – it used to be natural and now it’s unusual. I remember how weird it was having virtual meetings – and now seeing people in person seems weird!
I’ve found as I get older my ability to tolerate/sympathize with characters that consistently make bad choices about dating/romance has diminished. Like, if it’s one or two bad choices, well who hasn’t done that in their lives? But if it’s a constant plot point or continues on to tons of bad choices made by fully grown, adult characters, I just get tired of it and stop reading or watching because I feel really frustrated.
Getting along with one’s neighbors is so important! We’ve lived in the same house for 17 years and our neighbors on either side have been here even longer and are lovely people that we enjoy sharing boundary lines with. One house across from ours has changed hands three times but every time some lovely family has moved in and it’s wonderful. The other house across the street has also changed hands three times – initially it was owned by truly awful neighbors, then by wonderful neighbors, and now by so-so neighbors who mostly mind their own business so it’s fine. The truly awful neighbor situation continues to make me feel low-level anxiety whenever someone new moves onto our street though, I mean it can really tank an area if the people near you are unpleasant but it’s not like we can just pick up and move willy nilly!
Yes to this – I’ve never really had bad neighbours but I can imagine the difficulties.
I would NOT recommend you read that book. It’s…well, I couldn’t sympathize. I was so frustrated!
I realized a couple of years ago that I just couldn’t deal with young adult novels anymore. I understand that I am no longer the target audience, but I was constantly thinking “where are your parents?” and “why are being so silly about that?” and “this isn’t as important as you think it is” and realized that the problem was with me, not the books. The books know their audience and the somewhat erratic behavior of tween/teen/new adults, but I am too old and have forgotten what it’s like to have all those feelings. But sometimes it’s infuriating to read about bad decision after bad decision, so I totally understand your rant.
YES! I mean, I know I’m not the target here. But also? This woman in question was in her 30s. Early 30s but 30s nonetheless. Which I feel like…maybe she should get it together by now and realize that guy is NOT HER SOULMATE?
“There will be a time after this” is just the perfect mantra. I am sorry though that you’re so tired from lack of quality sleep. I hope the time after is sooner rather than later. Hugs.
No construction last night so things are looking up (today, anyway!).
Nicole–I hope the 10 pm construction is done. (But I was thinking about this and… if I were your neighbor I think I’d want to know if the builders were going that late and making me seem like an asshole before I even moved in. Is it possible that he doesn’t know?)
That’s possible – he might not know! But I do know they are on a tight schedule…anyway, it hasn’t happened for a while, thankfully.
I just wrote your mantra down and stuck it on my laptop to remind myself of this every day.
The renovations going late into the night would be irritating but good neighbors? Yes, please.
It really helps me, and I hope it helps you too!
I am surprised about doing things in person now too. It’s all so strange! And I hope you get some good rest soon – it makes all of the difference.
I hope you have a great week!
Thanks Katie! It was so weird to get the email! In-person, what a concept!
Oh gosh, renovation work until 10pm? That feels excessive. You are a better person than me to give them such grace. Not that I would complain to anyone. Instead, I would spend my time formulating all of my complaints in my head and then not doing anything about it, ha. But there is a catharsis in that process, at least!
I took a short rest yesterday and I remember telling myself that even if I didn’t fall asleep, I just needed to rest my body and my mind. I really like that mantra!
I’m in my 30s so I would probably be the target demo for that memoir but I just CANNOT with women who make dumb dating decisions. It’s so hard for me to relate.
Yes! It’s not like I’ve never made dumb dating decisions in my life, but the same dumb decision over and over, willfully not seeing that THE GUY ISN’T HER SOULMATE.
I relate to this post. We have amazing neighbours, but also live behind a school. As a result there are kids outside at any hour of the school day and holidays. The noise of kids playing has become white noise, but what has driven us to insanity the past four or five years is the big court sized basketball hoop directly behind our back fence. People of all ages play back there day and night as soon as it goes above freezing! It’s been such an ordeal we finally but the bullet and have decided to move, after 17 years. I’m going to bawl when we tell the neighbours. I hope this doesn’t sound like a Princess Problem. What does everyone think?
Wow, you’re moving! That’s big news. But you know, the basketball thing is not temporary, so I understand. There are limits to what we can take!
Yeeeeeah I would not deal well with the construction noises that late at night. Also, I totally get what you mean with the eyes and I feel understood 🙂
Ha! Is it a mascara smudge? Or is it my face?
I laid awake for hours in our hotel room in Elmira Friday night trying to think that ‘I’m resting even if I’m not sleeping’ thing. I’m not sure it really worked. I almost always sleep like crap the first night in a hotel, but I had a full slate of baseball games and family hanging on Saturday. It was still a great day, but I’m still exhausted.
It’s so true about the bad decisions thing. I remember being really mad about that Not Without My Daughter book because I felt like the woman was dumb not to have foreseen what happened and I hate when dumb people get book deals just because they did something dumb – but I was much younger then, and I think I would feel much more sympathetic to her now, even if she was a little willfully blind.
I agree about not making a fuss about the noise, but I find it slightly annoying when people say things like ‘I hope the noise isn’t bothering you too much’, because what the hell are you supposed to say?
I forgot about Not Without My Daughter! I saw the movie but I’m not sure if I read the book. I wonder how I would feel if I read it now. Some things I’m more sympathetic to, some less, I guess.
Betty Mahmoody (who wrote NWMD) lives in the small (pop. 9000) town I teach in . Every year someone will suggest that she ought to be our women’s month speaker–and I have mixed up feelings because her horrific experience matters and the way she grew is inspiring. But then, I’m afraid people will just glom onto the muslim husband and it’ll fuel Islamophobia.
I am usually not bothered by outside noises too much, unless I a) need to sleep and b) have conference call right when the gardener are blowing existing leaves in front of my window. LOL But great neighbors are a blessing. We have good neighbors, overall, if the lonely lady next door wouldn’t keep coming into our front yard and mess with our bushes.
Isn’t that always the way, you have an important call and suddenly the neighbourhood noise ticks up!
*non-existing leaves. FPS.
I can’t comment on house neighbors, but will say that good *apartment* neighbors are sooo important. I cannot believe they were jackhammering at 10 pm! I would have lost it! I admire your restraint, and I, too, love “there is a time after this”. I need to adopt that mantra.
My major noise issue? The (sorry) morons in the gym across the hall who look right at the sign telling them not to drop the weights who… drop the weights. It then sounds like I have anywhere from 20-100 pounds of…something…dropping on my apartment. They’re not above me – they’re across the hall, so it’s some weird acoustical thing. There are days when I can ignore it and days when… let’s just say that is more challenging. Fortunately, it’s not constant – like yours likely was! I hope it’s long-over and that you are now sleeping.
Oh no, they were just hammering at 10pm, not jackhammering – that was earlier in the day, thank goodness! Wow, your noise issue sounds really annoying! I know exactly what that sounds like and that would be irritating!