I have been reading Keep Moving by Maggie Smith, and it’s beautiful; I wish, though, that I had read it two years ago, at the beginning of the pandemic. It’s perfect for Pandemic Life; for any kind of Life that has encountered loss, really.
It was exactly two years ago yesterday that everything shut down, and thinking back on that time, it seems surreal. Did we all just…stay home? We did and what I remember most is that hopeless feeling that came from the schools shutting down, lining up to just get into the grocery store, and becoming completely intolerant of hearing predictions about what would come next, how long this would last, and all the other end-of-the-world prophecies.
It would be wrong and horrible to say that a pandemic that has killed almost six million people, that has caused financial and economic ruin to many, that has brought so much pain and suffering in so many different ways, that has divided us as a people seemingly irrevocably, and that has left us all with skyrocketing inflation and government debt is a good thing. It isn’t. But when I read the above passage, from The Choice by Edith Eger, something pinged.
…the things that interrupt our lives, that stop us in our tracks, can also be catalysts for the emerging self, tools that show us a new way to be, that endow us with new vision.
If that doesn’t describe Pandemic Life, I don’t know what does.
March 2020, I remember, was very cold and grey, and this month has also been very cold and grey. I personally do not feel cold and grey, at least not figuratively. Literally it’s pretty cold and also I need to colour my hair this week. But, you know, I feel fine. It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine could be the theme song to my life over the past two years.
We have all come so far and done so well at learning how to pivot and change and roll with the punches. There have been a lot of punches, that’s for sure. Life sure isn’t what I thought it would be, but you know what, I have been thinking that we never know what life is going to be like. We are always going to grow and change and pivot.
The other day, my Facebook memories showed me at my very last book fair, in 2017, and I thought, oh wow! The book fair, and my life as the Book Fair Lady and Chair of the School Council took up so much of my time and energy, and now that time is far in the rearview mirror. Speaking of the rearview mirror, pre-pandemic, I was teaching up to ten classes a week, and now I teach two. It’s hard to remember the frantic pace I moved at to teach that many classes and the kind of energy I had to exude at each one. Those days are also long gone, like my food blogging days, like the days I was at home with the little ones, like the days I worked on a trade floor, like my own youth, but that’s okay. Life is always changing, and sometimes we look back at our past selves and think who was that woman?
For example, I came across the most insane “featured outfits” on one of the fashion blogs I follow. I stared at it for a long while, wondering if it was a joke. Balloon jeans, shorts with kitten heels and knee-length argyle socks, the weirdest looking shoulder pads I have ever seen. But then I remembered that I owned, and wore, red palazzo pants in 1996-97, and denim overalls in the early to mid-nineties. Who was that woman? And why is her hair like that?
Nothing says “night on the town” like a nine-inch zipper and a bandanna-style top.
Anyway, two years! This past weekend we went to a restaurant to celebrate my parents’ 50th anniversary; six months ago I could hardly even fathom doing such a thing, but I am so happy we were able to do so. To be honest, I was worried that we would end up doing nothing for them, and that made me so very sad. For their 25th anniversary, I somehow organized a surprise party; this was pre-email, pre-internet, and so I think I mailed actual invitations, looking up their friends in the phone book. That party was a success but having since been to a couple of surprise parties that were NOT successes – the guests of honour being somewhat horrified about having a party sprung upon them completely unprepared, wearing sweatpants, or being very angry with the surprise party-organizer-who-happened-to-be-their-spouse-who-is-not-coincidentally-not-their-spouse-any-longer – I can tell you that surprises are not for everyone.
Maybe we as a general population are just not great with the unknown, or with anything that causes us to change course suddenly, or to think longingly of the past.
It just occurred to me: maybe the pandemic is like an awkward and unwanted surprise party, thrown by the spouse who you were completely incompatible with and everyone could see the split coming a mile away, not that the surprise party was the catalyst for the breakup, exactly, but it was just one of many symptoms of a larger problem. The party has gone on for much too long, and everyone, upon grabbing their jackets and leaving, will be changed on some fundamental level. Is this metaphor unravelling as I write it? I don’t know.
Oh wait! It’s like The Breakfast Club, complete with all the fat-shaming and slut-shaming and general shaming. We are thrown together in a punishing way and may think that we have been changed fundamentally when it’s over, but are we? At the beginning of the pandemic, I thought we would emerge stronger as a people, undivided, with more gratitude and compassion, and now I wonder if anyone will ever acknowledge Brian in the hallway. Will anyone learn from this?
Well. Two years of Pandemic At The Disco. One of the ladies in my Monday class had a throwaway comment about Covid being over, and another lady got pretty snippy and said that Covid is NOT over and I had to sweetly smooth things over, lest a brawl erupt in Strengthen and Tone Yoga. But I feel that they were both right, in a way. Covid is not over, but I feel like the fear and panic that we have been feeling for two years is subsiding substantially. In any case, the weekly count continues.
Just stay right here, ’cause these are the good old days.
Pandemic Reading
Keep Moving. As I alluded to, this book, which was written after the author’s divorce, is perfect for pandemic life. This would have been a perfect book to read, one page at a time, before daily yoga. However, I got it at the library, so I read it just like a regular book. I wish I had read it in spring 2020. I may get my own copy so I can savor it over yoga.
The Hundred Wells of Salaga. This book is based on the experiences of the author’s great-great grandmother in pre-colonial Ghana. It follows two women, one a princess who wants power in her father’s male-dominated court, one a woman kidnapped and sold into slavery. I was glad there were family trees and a cast of characters as it was quite complicated and tricky to follow at times. It’s an interesting look at internal slavery within Ghana.
Welcoming the Unwelcome. Would you believe this is the first Pema Chodron book I’ve read? I know! Talk about a great book for pandemic life. This was written in 2019 but is perfect for right now; the focus is on opening your heart and working on building community in an increasingly polarized world. The polarization of our world is something I have been thinking about a lot. How do we even come back from this as a society? How do we move forward from the us versus them mentality that, let’s face it, we all have. This book was clearly written to address the then-current US administration, but the lessons can be certainly applied to today’s world, as we start to heal as a people.
At least, I HOPE as we heal as a people.
Happy Two Year Pande-versary, my friends. Take care of yourselves, especially as it’s TIME CHANGE WEEK. Ugh! Give yourself a little extra grace this week. xo
I’ve been working on my two-year anniversary post, too, and I have to say looking back at it that the second year was easier than the first (when North was having all those health issues on top of everything). The last six months have been when things approached normal, with the kids back in school. Approaching normal, but still not quite normal. I’m glad you were able to stop a brawl from breaking out among your yoga students.
The second year was so much easier! And North’s health issues were so fraught and scary too.
I just placed a hold on that Maggie Smith book (it’s available at my very own branch immediately) and I’m excited to read this book.
You know, March 13th was the day that really signalled the change for us (my husband had been at a HUGE conference in Las Vegas and arrived home on March 13th – which happened to be a Friday, sigh – and that was the beginning of the end). The kids never went back to school, we isolated for a week since he had just been out of the country. Everything changed that day and has never fully returned to normal since that time and yet…yesterday was the 13th and I didn’t even realize it was the anniversary of such a big moment.
And yes to the giving grace this week. It’s Nova Scotia March Break and DST felt brutal this morning! Ugh. I really do wish we could just do away with this whole thing. But the sun is out and even though it was bitterly cold yesterday, I know spring is coming and I’m so ready for to emerge from this winter of cold and despair – both here and around the world. What a hard, hard few years it has been – I have been so fortunate through it all, but can’t help feeling a heaviness in heart as so many people (around the world, but especially thinking of Ukraine right now) struggle with day-to-day life and the injustices of a broken world.
DST is such a hard transitional week. One of my students is a therapist and she said yesterday she sees a huge uptick in her practice this week, with family conflicts.
I think you will really like that book, it really resonated with me, every page.
Ah, more great books! I want both the Maggie Smith AND the Pema Chodron- i think I especially need the Pema Chodron. I need to fortify myself, because seriously I don’t know how we’re going to get through another presidential election. I’ve keep telling myself that 2024 is a long way away, but that’s not going to work for much longer. Thanks as always for the recommendations!
Oh god, it feels like you are constantly in an election cycle down there! You will like the Pema Chodron, I think – it’s really great and a pretty fast read too.
I definitely need that book! Also, I love that you have an Anne Geddes poster in the background of the picture of you in the red shirt. I had similar ones and was telling my girls about them not too long ago. They thought the idea of dressing up babies as animals was hilarious! March 13th 2020 is a day I remember well- my daughter’s 13th birthday and when we were all feeling like what’s going to happen now. I don’t want to associate her birthday with pandemic life, and yet find it hard not to. So far her teen life, and my other daughter’s upper elementary school life has been all pandemic, and it’s kind of sad to think they won’t remember anything but. Sigh. But. Keep moving… 🙂
OMG I wondered if anyone would notice that! I also have a stack of cassette tapes on the shelf.
It’s hard not to associate it with the pandemic – both my boys high school lives have been defined by this. Happy birthday to your daughter! And yes, keep moving.
I remember being sent home early one day (and being really confused because we’d already been in our teams all morning and any damage from that day was already done) and immediately taking the dog out for a walk. The streets were quiet and I spent a lot of time on that walk wondering if I was doing something wrong by taking the dog out. I just didn’t know what was in store in the next two years and I’m glad of that – I think it would have really ruined the quiet moment if I’d known.
I remember those quiet streets too, so eerie and strange.
Oh, Nicole–I feel so deeply your dismay about people not banding together… At the beginning of the pandemic, I thought this common experience would make us all grateful and compassionate. In some ways, it has just riven the differences deeper. The Maggie Smith and Pema Chödrön look amazing. (As an aside, I did not realize her name was spelled with umlauts–I’m giggling because usually death metal stuff has umlauts on it and that’s not her at all.)
Ha! True!
But yes, it is so disheartening when you think – we are more polarized than ever before, and that is saying something.
I recall those early days of the pandemic at the disco; so surreal. I personally had an uneasy feeling in my gut, just knowing things would never be the same again. But boy oh boy have we come far since then?
I’m so happy you guys were able to properly celebrate your parents anniversary; it must have been lovely for all of you and no now was angry over a bad surprise.
We have come SO far and those early days just seem so surreal.
I love the nesting doll analogy. It is true, there are many parts of me from my past that are no longer current parts of me. Back when the kids were tiny, I never would’ve thought that one day I would work out at the level that I do. I also fondly remember the adventure of running a parish wide garage sale in our Catholic school, but yikes – I wouldn’t want to go back to those back aching days.
My mom’s birthday is March 13h. I vividly remember the kids coming home from school, sort of celebrating an unexpected break. The looks on their faces though, confusion. Anyway, I always remember the day because of mom’s bday. She turned 80 yesterday.
These are some good books. I might invest in that Keep Moving book. Lately I feel like I need a reminder to keep moving. Lots of frustrations in life see to be building on one another. Yet, there are many good things happening.
Happy 80th to your mom!
I loved that nesting doll analogy too. It just hit so true.
Well said: “maybe the pandemic is like an awkward and unwanted surprise party! That sums it up. I am tired to my bones of this pandemic, and now a war, but am trying to keep moving. If not in a literal way, at least in a spiritual way. I cannot make all these obstacles go away, but I can try to rise above the frustration I feel about them. Some days I even manage to do this!
You and me both, sister, you and me both. Trying is all we can do sometimes!
Before I forget, your library’s name is fantastic. Crowfeet. That’s a really fantastic name.
I can’t believe it’s been two years, yet it feels like much longer. I feel like we’ve always been wearing masks, standing six feet apart. I am astounded at how we used to live when I see old movies.
It makes me pleased to know that other people appreciate Edith Eger and Pema Chodron as well. Keep Moving has been added to my TBR list. Those quotes are spot on for what I’ve been attempting to incorporate into my life.
Calgary has a lot of roads with First Nations names and that’s one of them!
I was thinking when I was walking, how second nature it is to give another person 6 feet of room when we pass. It was so weird to do it at first, and now it seems weird not to.
I think you’ll love that book!
I have given up hope that the pandemic will change anything for the better – the relentless crush of capitalism won’t let it. I am trying to concentrate on the smaller moments of grace and humanity that have come out of the horribleness. I had to look up whether the book was by British actress Maggie Smith, which of course it is not, which is almost a relief because I love that Maggie Smith and this Maggie Smith sounds lovely but this book coming out of Downton Abbey Maggie Smith would entail a high level of cognitive dissonance.
That’s so funny because I thought the same thing when I heard about the book. “The Dowager wrote a book about divorce and moving on?”
For some reason, I have it in my head that we were sent into lockdown on the 18th (which it may very well be right for here – as I know for a fact, I had a doctor’s appointment at least two days before the actual lockdown – so either the 15th or 16th). Either way, who would have thought we’d still be here?
I do remember thinking, about a month or so in, that this could be a defining moment in our history and that maybe we would come away from this having learned a lot about ourselves and how society functions, in general.
And while, yes, some of this has come to pass for a lot of us and has changed some societal norms; we have also reached a point of no return once this all morphed into “politics.” *sigh*
I also keep looking at the kids – particularly the teenagers and young adults who are watching all this play out and I keep thinking, “They will do things differently. Better. They’ve already figured out just how screwed up a lot of things are; and will figure out a way to make it better. I just know it.” God, I hope, I’m right.
It could have been different for you – I remember our date because it was Friday the 13th! I think you’re right about the kids and young adults. I’m hopeful for them.
Your commentary on the bandana shirt and parka-length jeans zipper made me literally lol. Also you said Maggie Smith and now I can’t stop imagining The Dowager Countess reading all those kernels of wisdom with a sassy, dour expression on her face.
“What is a WEEKEND? Keep Moving.”
I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on these past two years as well. I certainly did not think we were going to be still in a pandemic two years later. Remember when we thought it was just six weeks?? Sigh. What a whirlwind.
I remember someone saying “we will still be doing this in the summer,” back in April 2020, and I thought that was SO depressing!
Oh, my. So many thoughts… and I do not think it’s “over” by any stretch of the imagination. That said, we have come a long way…
Thank you for the book recommendations! I have downloaded samples of both and suspect that Keep Moving will move into my library sooner rather than later!
In the early days of the pandemic, it really felt like this would be a substantial shift in society, we would really come together and make this world a better place… and then selfish people proved us wrong once again. Sigh.
“[…] maybe the pandemic is like an awkward and unwanted surprise party”, man you said a mouthful. LOL
P.S. I lived in jeans overalls in the 90’s. 🙂
Jeans overalls were really a thing!
I am having a hard time getting over my disappointment that there hasn’t been a real “come together” shift in our society.