It feels like I was JUST saying that February is tomorrow, and here we are, MARCH is tomorrow! February flew by; part of it was that it felt like Life Was Hectic, with wrestling tournaments and a new school semester and a five-day weekend thrown in for good measure, but part of it was that we have had absolutely gorgeous, mild weather in a I Can’t Believe It’s February kind of way. This, however, came to an abrupt end this past week; I had to put on my snowpants, again, to go for a walk.
It’s weather like this that makes automatic car starters so popular around here, for people who don’t have garages. I mean, obviously. I am no expert on this subject, but I can only assume that if a person were to use an automatic car starter while their car was in a garage, they might drop dead of carbon monoxide poisoning on entering the garage, unless the garage door was open, but if it was, why would you need the automatic car starter? Why would you go into the garage, open the door, and then use an automatic car starter? Why wouldn’t you just start your car?
Anyway, automatic car starters. I don’t have one – I have a garage, and I use it – but I’m sure they are great for weather like we had this past week. As I was walking the other day, attired as above, I started to pass a truck parked on the street, and then that truck started lightly honking its horn. I thought maybe it was a neighbour, trying to get my attention, but then I wasn’t sure how anyone would know I was me, dressed as I was, with sunglasses to boot. Startled, I looked up, but no one was in the truck. Then the truck started, and I thought, oh, automatic car starter and kept on my way. Shortly after that, the same thing happened with ANOTHER vehicle. And then another one! Three times this happened to me in a sixty minute walk, a light honk and then the car starting just as I was passing it, with no one in the vehicle.
I actually started to wonder if I had suddenly developed the world’s weirdest and most useless superpower, the ability to start cars merely by passing them on the street. Imagine! It would have been nicer to suddenly develop the ability to fly, or control the weather, or even swing from buildings using webs shooting out of my own wrists, but I will admit I will take anything I can get in the superpower front.
As I was walking, I was listening to a podcast that was recorded in the summer, in Los Angeles, and one of the hosts mentioned that she hates showering, and showers only when she has to, which turns out to be every three to four days. Now, before I get further, I am going to say that if you are a person who is of similar mindset, I am not judging you: I assume we all know our own bodies and needs best, and this is a safe space, we are in the Trust Tree here. You do you.
Personally, I am a Daily Shower person, and I realize this is a great privilege of the Modern Age, but my Daily Shower is an Anchor in my day, and without it I feel like I would drift off into the Sea of Life. Even though I do not wash my hair every time I shower – that I do only about every 2-3 days – I feel refreshed and happy and like I hit the Reset Button Of Life every time I step out of the shower. It’s an important ritual in my day, and also, if you’ve ever seen me post-daily-workout, you would probably think a daily shower should not only be encouraged, but vital.
I get sweaty, is what I’m saying. I haven’t weighed myself since August 2020, and I don’t plan on weighing myself ever again, but sometimes I wonder how much water weight I lose in a workout. I’m a person who sweats a lot and I shall not sweat-shame myself, but honestly. I could wring out a tank top post-workout.
Back to the podcast. After the host mentioned her distaste for showers, the other host asked if her husband was still showering twice a day and that brings me to my whole point. Twice a day showers feels like a lot, but I have definitely done that in the summer, after a day spent outside gardening or hiking, covered in sunscreen and bug spray. But what I have a hard time reconciling in my head is what is their marriage like? You never know, of course, what goes on in someone’s marriage, but if my husband – who also showers daily – started showering every 3-4 days, I think it would end in divorce. I just couldn’t handle it. I recognize, again, privilege and that our bodies adjust to what we do to them, but still.
It’s the mismatch that gets me. It’s not like I think my husband and I should be clones of each other, because that would be weird and disturbing, and also I would not want to be married to my own clone, god, there can’t be TWO of us. But I also don’t think that Opposites Attract, or if they do Attract, they don’t Stay Attracted, if you know what I mean.
I have been thinking about this because we are coming up to our twentieth anniversary – twenty years! – in a few weeks. I find it interesting, there are so many behaviours that would never bother me if anyone else in the world did them, but if it was my husband, NO. NO SIR. The following would put an actual strain on my marriage, an I don’t think this is WORKING kind of strain: smoking, leaving dirty clothes on the floor instead of in the hamper, drug use, neglecting his health, and, importantly, less frequent showering than me. Fortunately, none of those things have come to pass, so we shall happily celebrate our China Anniversary later this month, minus the china.
Look at that sweet young thing! She had no idea that in twenty years, she’d be writing about marital shower habits.
Pandemic Reading
Notes From A Small Island. When I posted this on Instagram, a friend introduced me to the Bill Bryson Theory: the first one you read is hilarious, and then each subsequent title is progressively less funny. YES. I have enjoyed Bryson so much in previous books but this, meh. It follows him on a seven-week tour of Britain, his adopted country, and yes, this was published in 1995 so it is obviously dated and yes, Britain in the 80s and 90s was a grim and depressing place to be, but ugh. This book was so dull and disappointing. There were a couple of amusing anecdotes and some interesting facts, but whoever reviewed this at The Globe and Mail – “Doubled over belly shakes and seltzer through the nose funny” – was maybe drunk.
Black Is The Body. This was excellent! I love a good essay collection and this one was insightful and thoughtful. The first essay, about the author being randomly stabbed at a coffee shop, was startling; the rest of the book deals with race, home, marriage, and motherhood, all tying back to her body and what it means to be black in America.
The Echo Chamber. This is a very clever satire and commentary about appearances, social media, and cancel culture. The Cleverley family is an absolutely ridiculous group of caricatures, but there’s a thoughtful and interesting pre-SM backstory. Also interesting to me is that it was published in 2021 and there are quite a few references to past mask-wearing, vaccinations, and how fun it is to go shopping again, now that the pandemic is over. Oh, sweetie. The epilogue I could have done without, but in general it was smart and amusing. As I say, it’s satire, so definitely not for everyone, as there are a few storylines that feel distasteful.
My Boyfriend Wrote A Book About Me. I am NOT the correct demographic for this book, that much is obvious. It is supposed to be a humorous book of essays about bad dates, relationships, and one-night stands, but I found it so terribly sad. The whole time, I kept thinking Oh, sweetie, no. No, don’t sleep with that guy. No. That’s not going to help your self-esteem. It’s been a long time since I was on the dating scene but hoo boy, this woman had literally the worst luck with men. As a preview, her ex wrote a book about her, referring to her as his “fat-assed girlfriend,” which should give you an idea about the general temperature of the book.
There has been a lot of terrible news this week, as we are all aware. I haven’t mentioned the incredible sadness and fear for the people living in Ukraine, for all my Ukrainian friends, but of course that has been on my mind this week. Lots of love to all of you, from my little corner of the world. xo
At the grocery store yesterday Beth met someone we know, half of lesbian couple whose kids went to the same preschool as ours, and discovered the couple had split. It upset her (Beth) even though we are only causal friends because it was surprise. They seemed happy. It’s hard to know what’s going on inside a marriage.
I do think that in L.A. in the summer more than twice weekly showers are probably called for, and I am not a daily shower person (every other day or more often if I swim in a chlorinated pool because that makes my skin itch).
StephLove, until you described Beth’s reaction, I didn’t realize it was unusual. I too react with dismay when people break up–although as it has been pointed out to me, happy couples don’t break up so it’s all good.
That kind of thing upsets me as well – sometimes you can see it coming a mile away, and sometimes it’s just a total shock. It really is hard to know what’s happening in other people’s houses.
Los Angeles in the summer is hot. Even if you are not working out daily, you need to bathe. Plain and simple. That person just has a low threshold for cleanliness; ughhh.
Laughing so hard at your new and unusable super powers!!
Happy 20th anniversary to you both!
Yes, bathing is a good thing, A GOOD THING!
Ha, well I have to admit I hate showering. Well… “hate” is a strong word. It annoys me. But, I live in Florida and work out almost every day so I do it (I know you were worried there for a moment.) I only wash my hair twice a week, so on the non-hair washing days I rush through my shower as quickly as possible, but then still have to go through the annoying process of drying myself off. I know this all sounds really strange- I think it started when my kids were little and in that phase you’re always rushing through things like showers. Maybe I should learn to like showers again, but on the other hand I guess I’m saving water, so I should just stick to what I’m doing.
I wish we had automatic car starters when I was little- getting into that icy cold car was one of the worst parts of winter. Interestingly, I just met someone who lives down here but hates the heat (what?) and he has an automatic car starter to turn on the AC before he gets in. Somehow, I never even thought of having an automatic starter in Florida. And yes, too bad your new superpower is so unusable, ha ha!
I NEVER thought of an automatic car starter for AC! But, I bet it’s gross to get into a super hot car in the summer, so that is actually a great idea!
I would love to have an automatic starter, but I have a manual transmission, so it’s not an option. Actually since I started working at home an automatic starter would be useless since my car spends most of its time in the garage and I’m good with that.
I’m Team Shower As Needed which means at least once a day and sometimes more for workouts. My husband is on the same page. Both of my stepsons are currently Anti Shower and the dog is Anti Bath.
Oh, I never thought of a manual transmission, of course that wouldn’t work!
You actually CAN get an automatic car starter for manual transmission. It requires a bit more thought (having to leave the car in specific settings)…and I think only certain places will install them on manual transmissions, but it can be done (we actually looked in to getting it done on a manual, but ended up selling the vehicle before we got around to it.
I love showers, but don’t have to have one every day. When I take showers they are usually long and scalding. In university I would shower every morning, but tend to take evening showers now to be warm and cozy for bed.
The only reason I don’t shower every single day (or multiple times away, aside from the waste in water and energy) is the fact I really dislike being wet and cold. I heat up the bathroom and will wear a shower cap if I’m not washing my hair, but I still have to be SO careful not to get freezing cold
We used to have an automatic car starter and I MISS it! We don’t have a garage and this winter on the East Coast has been brutal. I am so, so ready for winter to be ove.r
Brrr, I’m thinking of you having to scrape your car off in the mornings – not fun!
I, too, am incapable of showering only twice a week. I know it’s supposed to be good for hair, but no. I’m also aware that many celebrities follow this lifestyle. I can only imagine how smelly they must all be, and it makes me incredibly giddy. 🙂
Happy 20th Anniversary month!!
Thank you! Maybe the body just adapts but…no for me.
I shower daily but once in a day when I do, unless there’s gardening involved and I might have to take a quick second shower to wash the mud off. I don’t know how you could only shower twice a week. I don’t weigh myself either, but the doc’s scales say I’ve lost 12 lbs during the pandemic.
Yes, when there’s gardening I usually need a little rinse off at the end of the day, just a quickie.
Wow, Ally! Even though you weren’t weighing yourself, did you suspect in how your clothing felt?
Yes, I knew I was slowly losing weight. It was obvious because of the clothes. No downside to it, so all is good.
I have similar shower habits to you – daily, but not so frequent hair washing. My husband also showers daily, but I shower in the morning and he showers at night. So far that works for us.
I had never heard of that Bill Bryson theory and I think it checks out! I read In a Sunburned Country first and think it is one of the funniest things I have ever read. I then read A Walk in the Woods, which was also very funny. And then the books became less and less funny. I do sometimes wonder what I would say if I had read the books in a different order.
I have both of those books on my TBR book and I will be interested to report back to you!
I love showers…but I don’t like getting out of the shower in the winter. Our bathroom (even with a heat vent) is subarctic in the winter.
Happy anniversary! A beautiful bride! I loved that picture.
Oh, thanks Gigi! xo
Nicole–you look lovely in every picture, but that wedding one is particularly lovely! Very Audrey Hepburn-esque, and like her lovely *and* kind.
I wonder what happens if a spouse develops habits that are incompatible? When we were dating, the first time I visited hub’s apartment I was quite impressed by how clean everything was… turns out he cleaned for me and didn’t think he needed to do it once I fell for him. Ha. I’m going to put that Emily Bernard book on my TBR, thanks!
Nicole–you look lovely in every picture, but that wedding one is particularly lovely! Very Audrey Hepburn-esque, and like her lovely *and* kind.
I wonder what happens if a spouse develops habits that are incompatible? When we were dating, the first time I visited hub’s apartment I was quite impressed by how clean everything was… turns out he cleaned for me and didn’t think he needed to do it once I fell for him. Ha. I’m going to put that Emily Bernard book on my TBR, thanks!
Thank you!
That’s a really good question, Maya. What if you start marriage one way and then develop other habits?
I do not love taking a shower, but I love having showered. And yes, I am deeply interested in the marriage of these two shower opposites. I wonder if they have any other completely opposing habits?
That’s what I wondered too!
Congratulations on 20 years! It’s something to be proud of…this marriage thing, as wonderful as it is at times can be very challenging. My husband and I are approaching 20 yrs (although it’s not the first for either of us). We head home tomorrow after 2 months of travel and almost constant 24/7 togetherness. We are very similar in our love of activity so run every day, then walk a couple times for another hour or so, but this means very little individual activity. I said a few days ago that sometimes I know he really loves me and other times I feel like he can barely stand me – and vice versa. That’s when I put my earphones in and go for a walk alone or go float in the ocean (he doesn’t like to swim). Those little breaks seem to work.
Pat, you understand perfectly! It’s wonderful and also can be challenging – I also need my individual activity/ time to reset. Congrats on your 20 years!
Oh the joys and weird of being 20 years in. Thank you Nicole.
Thanks Lisa xo
This was so entertaining. The shower habits of people. I require a daily shower. Usually after I workout if I hesitate to get in the shower because I start doing something, my people beg me to get in the shower.
The Super power story reminds me of our 1st camping trip. Yellowstone. I woke in the night to pee, as one does. I stuck my feet partially in my shoes and squatted behind the tent. Curly was a baby and I worried she would wander out after me. So I did not go to the actual facilities. The lights to the Great White van went on. I thought movement sensor lights? How on earth? Then I realized the clicker to the car was in my shoe.
Hahaha! That’s a great story! Whoops!
Daily shower club as well. And like you, I workout every day and get sweaty so it’s a neccessity…I am curious, how do you not wash your hair? My hair would be so sweaty and greasy if I didn’t, though I know it’s not the best hair care to wash it every day. Also, I could not stay with my husband if he didn’t shower each day. No way. My nose knows 🙂
Hi! It was a process to get to the place where I wash every 2-3 days, let me tell you. I used to wash daily, then started skipping a wash once a week or so. I gradually built up to it, and my hair truly did adapt. It’s not greasy at all on day two, even with sweaty workouts. This was NOT the case when I started, which is why I only skipped a day once a week at first. But eventually it adapted, and sometimes I use dry shampoo on the third day. I will say that less washing has really helped with hair fall and also breakage, as well as my colour lasts longer. Well, the ends, my roots are still disastrous by week 3.5 of colouring.
I used to be someone who couldn’t fathom not showering every day, but now I have to be like, “Steph, it’s been three days. YOU NEED TO TAKE A SHOWER.” (Ahh, that work-from-home, living alone lifestyle where I can go days without seeing anyone…) If I don’t get in a workout or get sweaty in some way (very soon, going on even a 10-minute walk will mean buckets of sweat, sigh), it feels pointless. I’m also someone who has to wash my hair frequently. It gets oily SO easily and I tried for years to train my hair to only need a few washes a week but it just needs to be washed every other day and I’ve accepted that. I’m trying to get into a habit of showering every other day. I love how I feel after a shower! It’s just the process that I resist.
Sometimes it feels like A Process, that’s for sure!
I shower at least once a day, often more but the extra showers are very quick – I have trouble regulating my temperature and cool showers help with that. I agree with you on the husband showering – I think with relationships you don’t want to be exactly the same or diametrically opposed, but there are some core things that have to be the same and then some differences that don’t tank the whole enterprise.
I read that Hilary Winston book and totally agree.
YES. This is exactly true!
I am late to comment, but wow did the talk of daily showers inspire so many comments 🤣 happy anniversary!
You crack me up, Nicole 🙂 and I confess to be a fellow sweaty person… every time I get off the Peloton, there’s a puddle beneath the bike and my tank is completely soaked. What gives?
Having said that, I am also a daily showerer (and often my hair gets washed too because that’s soaking wet after my workout, too).
I love the photo from your wedding. You were (and still are ;)) a stunning bride!
Oh San, we are exactly the same. There is always a puddle and I swear I could wring out my tank top (GROSS, I know!) after a class.