Giving Up The (Trend) Ghost; Eighty Weeks In

I have always loved clothes and fashion. When you were a teen, did you “reinvent” your look every summer to have a bold new style in September? I sure did; some elements I would keep – to this day, I wear silver hoop earrings just like the ones I adopted back in 1989 – and some would change from year to year. I think fondly of the clothes I wore back in my high school years, particularly the babydoll dresses with army boots and the cute little kilts with turtlenecks. Some styles were less cute:

That’s me in grade eight, and it tells you everything you need to know about my style at the time. What can I say, it was the Eighties.

Anyway, I love clothes and September feels like a good time to talk fashion, what with the changing leaves and the crispness in the air. Although, who are we kidding, I live in Calgary, it’s been crisp for a month now. I’m almost fully transitioned to sweaters and scarves, and my fuzzy slippers have made their reappearance after their summer hiatus.

I follow a number of fashion blogs; one of the women is in her thirties, but the rest are over forty, and I do find these blogs both inspirational and aspirational. I love the styling and accessories, I love seeing women express themselves through clothing, but I also find that, with some limited exceptions, these outfits are completely irrelevant to my life. Where are the blogs that have twenty-five different ways to style yoga pants, or what to wear when your only outing is to the grocery store, or what are we doing about jeans these days.

JEANS. I have never been what you might call a particularly trendy person, but over the years I have generally incorporated some current trends into my wardrobe. Until now. I always wondered at what point women just give up on “what’s in style” and go their own way, and I feel like for me, that point is age 46. You see, I am realizing that current trends are completely not appropriate for my body, in particular, JEANS.

On the one hand, nothing dates a person faster than out-of-date jeans; just think about how “Mom jeans” got their name back in the early 2000s, when we were all wearing super-low-rise boot-cut jeans. Women of my generation made fun of those generously-fitting jeans with the nine-inch zippers as our thong panties poked out of our dangerously low-rise, dark-wash boot-cuts, but what we tend not to remember is that we wore those very things ten or fifteen years prior. We wore them with pride, with our cropped tees or tucked-in blousy tops or, possibly least-flatteringly, our gigantically outsized sweaters.

The above photo is from my grade eleven yearbook, taken when I was in rehearsal for the play Buried Child by Sam Shepard. Do you know Buried Child? If so, you may be staring into space wondering how a high school could possibly put on such a play. Looking back I wonder the same thing, and yet it seemed fine to me at the time. Dead babies and incest, themes that are incorporated into every high school production. That seems perfectly reasonable for a bunch of teens. Anyway, I played Shelly.

Remember puffy shirts?

Now, of course, those jeans are stylish, as are boot-cut – but not low-rise, no, waistbands must end just below the ribcage now – and the skinny jeans I have been wearing and loving for the past nine years are emphatically out. Well, maybe not emphatically, but they are on the way.

Empirically, boot-cut jeans are THE most flattering jeans, but I am of the opinion that they look best worn with heels, which is not something that interests me at all anymore. Give me flats or give me death, with very few exceptions. The thing I love about skinny jeans is the ability to wear them with tall boots, tall FLAT boots, which is a look I adore. I don’t want to get rid of my skinny jeans, but are they dating me? Maybe. Do I care? Maybe a little.

Current styles are highlighting the following: high-waisted, looser fit jeans, crop tops, and PADDED SHOULDERS. No, they don’t call them Shoulder Pads, they are Padded Shoulders, as if this is a different thing, as if this is a flattering direction we are going in. I say a big old no to Padded Shoulders, but also to the high-waisted, loose fit jeans and crop tops. As a woman going through perimenopause, my waist is not something I want to draw attention to. I want to smooth things over in that area, not highlight them. This is why I love skinny jeans or leggings with long, drapey sweaters. Crop tops and – as seen above – blazers with Padded Shoulders are not a direction I to which am willing to turn.

I recently purchased, for the first time in at least seven years, a pair of jeans. I was on a mission but when I walked into Bootlegger I just stood there, overwhelmed. It occurred to me, once I set foot in the store, that I was absolutely not the correct demographic for that store and maybe I should just forget the idea altogether. Too late, I was approached by a very lovely young woman by the name of Alexis who asked if she could help me. Honey, you have no idea. I told her I was looking for jeans, and that I usually wore skinnies, but I knew they were out of style, and she immediately interrupted me. “Oh, god. I mean, yes. TikTok says that skinnies are over, but who cares? You should wear what you want! We have tons of skinny jeans.”

Was Alexis some kind of wise oracle? Maybe. You meet the people you need in life. I stared at her as she led me over to the massive piles of jeans, answering her questions as to size and colour. She handed me a few pair with some commentary on their stretchiness or otherwise, the fits she herself preferred, and then I followed her to the change room.

People. There have been a LOT of changes in the past seven (or more?) years when it comes to jeans. The material! It’s stretchy! It’s forgiving! It was a complete revelation to me. The waistline, while not ending near my ribcage, was higher than that of my old jeans and it was so comfortable! They are so comfortable. I love them so much and, as Alexis said, looking at my ballet flats, they go perfectly with your shoes!

I’m happy. I have decided I shall swan into my dotage with no regards to what’s trendy or in-style, I am going to WEAR WHAT I WANT. Thank you, Alexis.

All the styles right now remind me so much of my teen years, and I do have that old adage in my head, that if a person wore it the first time around, they should not wear it the second time. I don’t entirely agree with that – we should ALL wear what we want, there are enough societal rules around women’s bodies and lives, clothes are for fun, not for a grim reminder of the flight of time and the invisibility that accompanies women of a certain age – but also, I kind of do. Maybe I do because I hate the current styles; maybe I’d feel differently if a style returned that I really love, although I am having trouble thinking of any such styles right now. I guess I’ll just stick with twenty-five ways to style yoga pants and leave it at that.

Pandemic Reading

It was a really good week for reading – I went through some incredible titles!

The Hundred Secret Senses. I really liked this book about sisters, fate, and past lives. I do not know much about Chinese history, but the secondary story line deals with the Taiping Revolution, which I have since learned was the bloodiest civil war in history. The main story follows a woman in 1990s San Francisco, and her relationships with her husband and half-sister, but also delves into past lives. It’s a really interesting and well-written book, and it has caused me to research some historical events, which I love. It ended much differently than I thought it would, but it was one of those books that caused me to really think about the people in my life and how people come into your life for a reason. Like Alexis. Ha! Just kidding, kind of.

Secret Daughter. I absolutely loved this book. It was incredible on so many levels, and delicately delved into so many topics: motherhood, family, poverty, fortune, careers, illiteracy, hope. It really focuses on the sacrifices mothers make for their children, but on different levels. A baby girl is left at an orphanage; her mother cannot keep her as she “needs to have a boy” in her culture. As a side note, due to sex-selective abortion, India has 93 females to every 100 males. The baby ends up being adopted by an American couple, both of whom are doctors. The story moves between the two families, and is very heartwrenching. There are so many emotional moments; one, in which the American woman looks at herself in the mirror at age 52, having given up a promising career in pediatrics for one that allowed more scheduling flexibility, but was dismal and dull and poorly paid, and being estranged from her husband and her daughter being far away, well. It’s poignant, is what I’m saying. If ever I have a moment where I think “I need a bigger kitchen” or “We have so much stuff; I need more storage space,” I will endeavor to remember the description of the human desperation in the slums of Mumbai. It’s worthwhile to remember my own privilege when there are fellow humans who are doing everything in their power every day to just have food and shelter, no matter how poor that food and shelter is. Anyway, I want to read everything by this author now.

Anxious People. Backman is hit and miss for me and I am often wary of books that are surrounded by a lot of “buzz” but this? This was incredible. Such a witty, intricate, wise book about compassion, empathy, and how we are all connected. It’s a lesson that we never know the whole of anyone’s story. “…that was why you should always be nice to other people, even idiots, because you never know how heavy their burden is.” It seems to start funny and light and just grows deeper and more complex as it goes. This was exactly the book I needed to read right now. It’s just wonderful on every level.

Have a great week, everyone! Enjoy your own foray into fall! xo

Comments

  1. I recently chose new glasses, which is a big fashion thing for me, considering they are one of the main features of my face. And it is a little stressful, because looking back at old photos, the GLASSES can be very amusing, in the manner of gigantic t-shirts with the shoulder seams down to the elbows (mine was blue tie-dye) and giant hair (I had bagel bangs). And, as with the concept of Mom Jeans, one does not want to look ridiculous by trying to fit in with the high school kids when one is in one’s 40s—and yet, one does not want to be wearing something BREATHLESSLY outdated, either. Something IN BETWEEN. I explained this to the middle-aged woman helping me choose glasses. She said, “Well, they are wearing frames LARGER these days,” and I said, “So let’s go SOMEWHAT larger,” and then we said together “But not AS large.”

  2. I love all the photos from Nicole’s past!

    I agree, we should wear what is good for US, not so much trendy, but not so much IN THE PAST either.
    I am NOT a fan of the high waisted pants as I am short-waisted and having jeans go UP over my (not so small) belly and stopping just below my (not so perky) boobs is not comfortable OR flattering.

    I recently found some MOTHER jeans at Anthropologie; they have a mid-rise and funny enough, they call them ‘ankle’ length, but they hit me right at the top of my foot. Perfect fit. I’ve never spent so much on a pair of jeans, but they are amazing and make me feel amazing. Can you put a price on feeling amazing?

    I’m still a fan of skinny jeans because like you said, you can wear them with so many different types of shoes/boots and tops.

    Shoulder pads? NOPE!

  3. I think it’s great and very freeing that you’ve ditched the trends, Nicole. I must admit that’s one good thing about having so many sensory issues around clothes, I only ever buy what I can tolerate to wear. And trends rarely ever figure in that equation, though of course I still want to look good. My choices are very limited, as a result.

    Thanks as always for your book recommendations. I often go straight to my library app to reserve some of your titles!

  4. I read this with great fondness and self-recognition; I believe I have that same photo, with the perm (well, for me it was a perm) and the teased bangs and the teal-with-black-polka-dots shirt. I believe my teal-with-black-polka-dots may have had matching teal stirrup pants? I’m glad we have moved on from the stirrups, at least. Also, so much thong-peeking-out-of-super-low-rise-jeans in my past. So. Much.

    I am delighted that you have had such luck with jeans. I have purchased… three new pairs this summer? And I sort of hate them all. But they are better than continuing to squeeze into the jeans that don’t fit. Oh well.

    I have that Amy Tan book on my shelves; I wonder if I have read it before? I don’t recall. But I have loved every book of hers that I’ve read. Have you read either of her memoirs? The Opposite of Fate was really enjoyable; I own and have not yet read the more recent memoir.

  5. Nicole, I absolutely LOVE all these pictures – you were, and still are, adorable!

    I have to disagree with you regarding bootcut jeans being the most flattering…when you have legs as short as mine you look ridiculous in bootcut jeans. They can pry my high waisted, skinny Levi’s out of my cold, dead hands before I give them up.

    Yes, the jeans today are much more stretchy and comfortable. But, I have found that you have to be careful because some jeans stretch so much that by the middle of the day they are saggy and unattractive.

  6. I love Amy Tan. I liked but didn’t love The Secret Daughter. I love my stretchy jeggings, which are words I thought I would never say.

  7. I just heard of A Man Called Ove or whatever – too tired to look it up, while at my book club. They all read it before I joined. I am looking forward to reading it. I am ready to be done with Catch and Kill. Wish I hadn’t started it. Just upsetting and disturbing and too many names to track.

    I’m laughing at the trends of the past that you miss. I’ll tell you that I embraced knickers in 6th grade circa 1983 because FINALLY a pair of pants that weren’t too short on me. Mom bought one pair and we all had to share, so not like I was totally saved. I can tell you that I hated the stirrup pants because the legs weren’t long enough and they had to hook under my feet, SO the crotch was all saggy and misplaced. I did enjoy oversized shaker sweaters though. I also owned knock off jams – the floral shorts. Otherwise, I was grateful for my Catholic School uniform because my wardrobe sucked.

    I’m with you on wear what you like. Amen. Someday someone can pry my skinny jeans for my cold dead hands. There’s no turning back. Also, no high heels for me either. I must have support or it messes with my back.

    Fun post, that I read while giving a 3 month old who just started at my daycare her bottle and didn’t have enough fingers to respond so here we are – late at night and exhausted. (when I tend to ramble)

  8. North is costumes manager for the school play and asked me at dinner what people wore in the early 90s, when the play is set. While I was struggling to remember, they said, “Well, what did YOU wear?” and I said same as what I always wear, but of course, that’s not completely true. I went big into rugby shirts in the 80s and I did have a pair of overall shorts and a baby doll dress in the 90s, (a dress I recently gave to North– it’s vintage now).

  9. I have a man called ove if you want to read it. SOOOOO GOOD. I will put Anxious People on hold thanks!

  10. Hahaha. I feel like I am always about 2-5 years behind any trends (and insist on just sticking with what I like to wear). I’ve finally come around to the skinny jeans (was a bootleg and even bellbottom kinda gal for YEARS) and now they want me to get rid off the skinny again? Nope and nope. LOL

    I wouldn’t mind blogs that have twenty-five different ways to style yoga pants. 🙂 (Oh, and share some of the fashion blogs you follow – I could use some inspo!)

  11. First, I’m kind of jealous that you are already wearing cozy sweaters and socks, as we’re still in the 90s around here in Florida. Why am I always disappointed by our October weather EVERY YEAR when I know it’s going to be like this?!?!

    Second, you can pry my skinny jeans from my cold dead hands! They are the only jeans that seem to fit me well and make me feel good! I cannot do the oversized jeans trend. Nope, nope. I’ll leave that for the gen z crowd.

    Third, I really want to give Anxious People another try but I abandoned that book around pg 75-100 because I just haaaaated the characters so much. But everyone says the ending is worth it!

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