Remember that Seinfeld episode where Kramer had one line in a Woody Allan movie – “These pretzels are making me thirsty!” – and George co-opted that line to be a metaphor for his life which, at the time, consisted of a lonely man with no job, no girlfriend, and who was incompetently and temporarily moving cars around the block for money? THESE PRETZELS…ARE MAKING ME THIRSTY!
I thought of that episode a lot last Thursday when I was at the book fair. “The posters are five dollars.” I said this so many times that it truly felt like a metaphor for my life, or maybe my tagline in the made-for-TV movie in which I play the Book Fair Lady Who Encourages A Young Child To Purchase A Lego-Themed Book Rather Than A Highlighter Set That Looks Like Ketchup And Mustard. If this sounds like a less-than-stellar movie, well, I would counter with there have probably been worse films. Waterworld, for example, or Howard the Duck. THE POSTERS…ARE FIVE DOLLARS!
It took me all weekend to get my hands to recover from the incredible amount of hand washing I did on Thursday. My hands are not as yet fully recovered, as they still have a sandpaper feel and the cracks keep catching on my sweater. But oh, the germs in an elementary school in November. The coughing and sneezing into the hands which held the treasured book fair funds was enough to send me into surgeon-scrubbing mode, but there were a few incidents that horrified even seasoned old me.
First, a perfectly pleasant young boy wearing a knitted toque purchased a couple of books and pencils, and after I added his total, he removed his toque to reveal a mop of sweaty hair and a small baggie full of money. I gingerly accepted it, running through my emails in my mind, wondering if there had recently been a lice notice or not. I supposed the money was in the baggie and so it couldn’t have been penetrated by lice anyway, and I wasn’t rubbing my own head with it, but still.
Next, a boy purchased a book and a poster ($5) and when I told him the total, he reached down, took off his shoe, and handed me a moist $10 bill and a damp $2 coin. I stood there with the sweaty goods, horrified, while he smiled and bid me adieu.
Are these children out to get me? Maybe, but in any case, we raised a lot of funds for the library ($3700! Yay!) and I have three more to go! I feel a bit like I’m on the 20 minute workout, but with book fairs instead of leg lifts, and eighteen months instead of twenty minutes. And three more…
I guess, generally not having purses or wallets on them, they have to be creative about where they stash their cash. Pants pockets do come to mind, though. I have to say you are making me waver in my resolution to volunteer at at least one book fair before J finishes elementary school, though.
Oh my goodness! I could have handled the baggie but the sock money…!
Shoe money? SHOE MONEY? NO, honey, just no.
I actually volunteered to help run the book fair at the school that my kids NO LONGER ATTEND. How stupid am I?
I cannot believe you volunteered for book fair again!
I thought when you stepped down from Council you might have also run screaming in the opposite direction of the book fair.
You are a really awesome school volunteer.
Now about the Minions poster. Is *that* one also $5? 😀
For the past 3 years I volunteered to reshelve library books at my girls school a couple of hours per month – and I wore rubber gloves(or those little mini gloves – whatever I could find!!) Could not handle the germs. This year I have taken on fundraising – and I’m almost missing the germs and gloves….