Early in January of this year, I found myself looking thoughtfully at a Costco display of two-packs of jade plants. I was soon joined by my husband who, since retirement, likes to accompany me on my semi-monthly Costco trips. He asked suspiciously why I was looking at the plants, adding, not unreasonably, that we really didn’t have space for any more in the house.
I had something in mind that I had been pondering about for months, but there is something you must know about my husband: he is a Man of Action. I tell him nothing until I am ready for Things To Move, if you know what I am saying. Some examples of things that I spoke about casually and that materialized fairly rapidly are the Peloton and our home gym, a trip to Morocco, more closet space, a new house, every small appliance in our kitchen, and garden beds. I had only to say I really like raised garden beds and then, like a cartoon character leaving a pile of dust in its wake, my husband was out sawing and hammering and shovelling soil into the resulting six beds that he made with his own hands, erecting fencing material around it to keep out the deer.
So I didn’t immediately tell him what I was thinking, which was that Noelle, my beloved but non-blooming Christmas cactus, was at the end of her life, along with her sister and shelf-mate, Stella the star plant, who never really recovered from her move here in 2023. Some of you may be thinking so what, plants die but you are not seeing the depths of my feelings on this subject. Noelle is symbolic of many things: my friendship with Denise, who gifted her to me when she moved out of the country (HI DENISE), my relationship with my younger son, who is the same age as Noelle, and my entire life prior to moving here. You might be thinking that this is a lot to put on a houseplant, and you might be right.
In any case, I knew. I knew the way you know about a good melon, but in this case it was the way you know that a part of you has changed forever and life must, as it does, go on.
And so I bought the two-pack of jade plants, after telling my husband that It Was Time. To his credit, he did not express the glee I’m sure he felt at not having to see the slowly-dying plants every day. He asked me several times if I was sure, was I ABSOLUTELY SURE that I was ready, and I was. He took them out to the shed, never to be seen again.
Shortly after, my younger son came home from work, to find me silent and trembling in the kitchen, chopping vegetables in a deeply sorrowful way. Tears sprang to my eyes and my voice cracked as I told him the fate of Noelle and Stella. He nodded very seriously and then said, so gently, the way you might speak to a very sad child, Those new plants look nice. Are they twins or just sisters? Twins, I shakily told him. Do they have names? Jane and Jennifer, I said. Those are nice names, he said, while I burst into tears at the thought of Noelle and Stella, alone at the bottom of the compost.
The twins are beautiful, as are the rest of my plants, of which I have probably pathologically intense attachment to.
Alice, the aloe, was given to me as a mere sprig from Aunty C (HI AUNTY C) and has since grown into a happy monster. She resides on the kitchen windowsill beside Eva, the snake plant.
The other, much larger, snake plant is Sabrina, who enjoys her spot by the piano, and the gnomes who live with her.
Christy, the unknown plant given to me at Christmas from my friend Darlene (HI DARLENE) was covered with tiny white flowers when she arrived. A few months later, she shed her flowers and started to establish a lot of new growth, so much so that I think she’s going to need a new pot.
Beside her is Pippa, the pepperpot plant, who is a recent and much-loved addition to our home. My friend Tara (HI TARA) brought her as a hostess gift only a couple of weeks ago.
Finally, Anna the amaryllis was given to me by my friend Sandi (HI SANDI). After she bloomed I cut her back, and now she’s all leafy again. I’m going to try to get her to rebloom next year and will hopefully not have some kind of breakdown if she dies.
There is no Becoming. I Have Become a Crazy Plant Lady. I refer to the plants collectively as The Girls, unless I’m talking to one of my sons, in which case I refer to them as Your Sisters. Even for me, this seems unhinged, yet I am not willing to make any changes to make myself seem more sane. There are worse things than being a Crazy Plant Lady, and, in any case, gardening season has begun and I have started planting a few rows of seeds in the aforementioned handmade garden beds. In other words, Crazy Plant Lady is taking her show outside.
Weekly Reading
I devoured this book that follows an Australian woman living in London over a ten year period. If you know me, you know that “the extraordinariness of ordinary life” is my favourite kind of book, and that is this – relationships and motherhood and finding oneself across the political backdrop of the UK from 2013-2023. There is a truly incredible cast of characters, and the book is hilariously funny and also incredibly moving, all at the same time. I doubled over crying laughing a few times, only to have my breath taken away by the emotional depth a few pages later. I loved this so much.
“It’s not a whorehouse. It’s a whorehome.”
Workhorse. I am mixed. The author worked at Vogue for seven years in the early 2000s, which is exactly the time period of this book about an absolutely atrocious slob of a young woman with zero moral compass and questionable personal hygiene who – despite those things and also her complete inability to converse like a normal, non-cringey person – lands and keeps a job at a high-prestige magazine (i.e., Vogue). On the plus side, there are a lot of juicy inside-baseball details about magazine culture during that time, in which I am genuinely interested. On the minus, OMG this is long. It is WAY too long. At 552 pages, it could have been cut in half and been a snappy, exciting book. The plot is good! The ending is good! If it was cut back, it would be very good! As it is, it is a “tell, not show” book, a writing style which I do not admire, and it is all a little on the nose. Also, in addition to the immense, unneeded length, there are a lot of weird little editing misses: girls referred to by their hair colour, which changed from one paragraph to the next, someone graduating from Columbia when the paragraph before says that person went to UPenn, that kind of thing. Disbelief must be suspended as the main character not only does not look the part (i.e., not only is she a cheaply-dressed hot mess, she is a size six, which in Vogue world is just not acceptable), but she lies on her resume and although there is a hint that there might be repercussions, that thread never gets picked up. No matter. If you’re into juicy details about early 2000s magazine culture, and if you want to settle in with a doorstop of a book, this is for you! Like I said, the plot IS good and I liked the ending.
Wherever You Go, There They Are. This was published in 2017, and as I read it I recalled that the 2010s were a really hot time for books of essays written by B-and-C list celebrities. You don’t see them much anymore, or at least, I don’t. Probably they all have podcasts instead. Anyway, many of these essays were a big dull to me, but there was an absolutely killer one about MLMs, which is another thing that was hit in the 2010s and I don’t see much of these days. Thankfully! I haven’t had a “hey girl” message on Facebook from an old schoolmate for a long while. I admit I picked up this book about the author’s dysfunctional family thinking “I’ll see you and I’ll raise you” but no. She wins.
Have a beautiful week, friends! xo
I’m laughing at the thought of your son talking to you gently, asking about the plants’ names. Yes, your family knows you well! I’m very sorry about Noelle and Stella, BUT, your new girls- and all your plants- are beautiful! You must be very excited for garden season!
That first book sounds great- and I like the blurb by Catherine Newman, “Absurdly good.” And I like the title of the last book, although not enough to make me want to read it.
Jenny, it was Absurdly Good! Catherine Newman had a front AND back blurb and honestly, that would be enough for me. I just loved it!
I am SO excited for garden season, I planted some seeds yesterday and some new perennials last week. It’s such a fun time for gardening!
I am sorry for your loss.
I don’t name my plants any more, but I did when I was younger and Alice the Aloe reminded me I had an Alan the Aloe in college.
Alan! I love it!
RIP Noelle and Stella. Their work in the compost pile will show up in your garden.
I have near zero interest in growing plants but much admiration for those who do, in the same way that I have zero interest in picking up a paint brush but I love art.
I’m adding Consider Yourself Kissed to the TBR. Your review of Workhorse is consistent with the other reviews that I’ve seen, so at this point it’s earned a spot on my NGBR (not gonna be read).
THEIR SPIRITS LIVE ON!
Oh, I feel you on the paint brush. That’s not my wheelhouse at all!
I love the names of all the plants! Definitely adding “Consider Yourself Kissed” to my TBR.
Thanks Sam – I hope you enjoy it! It was an absolutely perfect Nicole-coded book!
This is so sweet, Nicole. I didn’t realize the depth of your attachment to your plants. I have never been able to keep a plant alive long enough to develop an attachment! Maybe you can think of them as living on in a different form – they couldn’t thrive as houseplants anymore because they wanted to be free to fertilize new plants in the wild outdoors. ♥️
Oooh I like this reframe. I LIKE THIS REFRAME. Their spirits live on in other garden lives!
The depth of my attachment is ocean-like, and probably unhealthy, but here we are!
Oh Nicole, I am so sorry about Noelle and Stella. I remember how much trouble your husband got into when he suggested that Noelle might be past her prime, and I love how gentle your son is with you, hoping to cheer you with talk of Jane and Jennifer. I do not name my plants, but I have a lot of trouble letting go of those that are clearly struggling. I have a couple of fuchsia plants that I have had for years, even though they never come back to how they were when I got them. But they sprout little leaves! They are alive and trying. SIGH. I aspire to be like Monet, ripping out plants and replacing them at will to get just the lush garden I want! But it’s really, really hard. I have 3 spider plants. I am actually not a fan of spider plants, and I have no idea where these came from, but they are SO HEARTY (HARDY?). I think I will give 2 of them to new homes on my Buy Nothing group, and keep one. “Why keep one?” you might rightfully ask. God only knows, because I sure don’t.
I just put Consider Yourself Kissed on my TBR via Libby, thank you!
I know what you mean – I can’t rip out plants either (obviously, I clearly have attachment issues). Even in the garden I hesitate before taking something out – I have to make sure it is absolutely dead (i.e., our clematis which bloomed beautifully in May and then, oddly, all the leaves and vines died in July). (last year).
Hardy plants are the way to go – indoors and outdoors. Why fight it? Grow the things that GROW!
I don’t want to cause you pain, but clematis hybernate. Cut them down to the ground, and leave it, they will come back.
Not to worry – this one was dead! We had clematis in Calgary. But I think a vole ate the roots because when we pulled it up…there were no roots!
WHEW! I love my little clematis, and I love watching it come back every spring. It generally blooms just in time for my husband’s birthday in early May.
What I’m getting from this is that no one should gift you a plant lightly or casually! I’m not a serious plant person the way you are, but I did name a plant once. I got a golden pothos and he was named Seymour—not that I am a Little Shop of Horrors fan, but yes, I do know that the plant was not the one named Seymour! Look, odd things happen in offices.
Hahahaha you are not wrong! I seem to conflate the friend-who-gives-me-a-plant with the plant itself!
Seymour!!! I love that. I don’t have a pothos but I would love one. I just…don’t have a great place for it, unless I buy a special plant stand (idea: tell husband I would like a plant stand, see what happens)
ALL my pothos(es?) or pothos plants come from this ONE pothos that is still alive and kicking! Since 2015! TEN years and four more pots of pothos that are crazily overgrown but I honestly don’t know what to do with them anymore. They just keep multiplying… I may run out of space.
Wow wow WOW! I love that! I just said to Caroline above that I would love a pothos but I need space for it. Hmmm…..
RIP Noelle! I thought of her often and wondered if she made it…she struggled for years but had a good life. 😂
RIP! I mourned her deeply, my friend!!!
Although I do not share your miles-deep emotions for plants, I do very much understand not wanting to give up on them. I used to go through this every Christmas with enormous poinsettias. I’d keep them even when the pretty bracts fell off and the whole thing looked leggy and naked. If there was a sign of life, I felt they deserved to try. I’m the same way in my herb garden, not dividing chives or brutally cutting back my thyme and oregano as is advised.
I do feel intensely about trees, however. I shall never, ever, EVER stop mourning my Japanese maple, and it left us more than a decade ago. And watching a huge, stately (or once-stately) aged tree of any kind being cut down makes me very emotional.
Oh god, I hear you on the trees. I also become incredibly attached to trees – which seems like a really unsurprising thing to say. We had this gorgeous Mayday tree in the front yard of our Calgary house, it was a dream. My friend used to text me photos of it after I moved here, and then she stopped. Well, I was visiting Calgary and drove past the house, to see my beloved gardens and trees totally neglected and overgrown, and the tree looked like it might be meeting its maker. I mentioned this to my friend and she said that’s why she stopped texting me photos, because it was so neglected – and with so few blooms – that she found it too depressing.
Also! I have a very hard time dividing plants. I always think that will spell the end of them!
I was not prepared for how emotional the Noelle and Stella situation would be. One minute I’m reading about houseplants, the next I’m fully invested in your entire plant household. And then you’re naming the new ones through tears… I nearly lost it, Nicole!
Your Man of Action made me laugh, because it reminded me why I’ve spent the last 34 years living with a 100-piece tableware set I DON’T LIKE, courtesy of my fully committed Man of Action.
It was SO emotional! I still get teary thinking about it!
I love that you also have a Man of Action (100 piece tableware set! That is a COMMITMENT!!!)
Congratulations to the new girls in the house! I have a slightly different version of Plant Lady Craziness, in that I try to bring things back from the almost-dead via cuttings or various forms of attempted pampering and I do not really have a green thumb. Sometimes it works – I have three plants that have almost died or have looked like they were dead but still come back – but it certainly always results in a lot of very unattractive plants for a long time while they grow back from the couple of segments that were not dying, or similar – but they’re all working on it!
Also, I can recommend adding giant googly eyes to indoor plant pots if you need a speck of whimsy next January or so, but they should only be on there for a month or two or they may make the personalization problem worse…
GIANT GOOGLY EYES. I have never once thought of doing that and you can BET I’m going to!!! Amazing idea!!!
You and I are cut from the same cloth, I think “they’re trying their best!” They’re working on being big plants!
Hooray! I hope that brings you some joy! 🙂
Yes! They’re trying their best! (… probably. Some of them may be phoning it in, honestly, sometimes.)
Lolololol “phoning it in”
Oh such a sad day for Noelle and Stella. I know how you feel. I lost a beautiful orchid this winter gifted by my friend who raises many orchids in her home in Singapore. I’m embarrassed to tell her when she comes to visit. I am also a crazy plant lady but I haven’t named any, I think it’s time!
Oh NO I am so sorry! Orchids are lovely and I would be sad too.
You MUST name them! And then report back!
Oh Nicole, I am so sorry about Noelle and Stella. I am also one who cannot bear to give up on a plant. I saw Alice the Aloe and she looks so happy and healthy that it makes me feel bad for the scraggly droopy little aloe plant I am trying to keep alive. (It never occurred to me to name my plants. Hmm, I might start doing that) And I have not gotten poinsettias in many many years because it breaks my heart to just toss them. They just will NOT die, they barely hang in there looking very sad.
It’s like that old 70s song “don’t give up on us baby.” That’s us! We should reclaim this song for all of us Plant Ladies (I left the Crazy out in deference for you, you do not appear to be crazy, Dulcie!)
I think you should name your plants and then tell me what you named them!
I am sorry about Noelle and Stella but I am sure your husband gave them a thoughtful burial. I have such a black thumb, but I decided to dip my toe into raising plants that are known for being each to keep alive. My friend’s husband developed a hobby of propagating jade plants during the pandemic so I took one home when this friend had 2 of us over in the fall. It was not an option to say no and I was assured it is impossible to kill the plant. So far it’s still living at my desk at work thanks to coworkers that water it when I travel. Then my therapist gave me a part of her spider plant but it’s living in a paper cup currently because she gave it to me after I had thrown out the soil I used to pot the jade plant. So it’s kind of sad looking at it in a paper cut, but I’ll pot it in the next couple of months when it’s growing season here in Minnesota (which is far off – the kids are still wearing winter coats/hats/mittens to school – SIGH).
Yikes, where was the editor for that Workhorse book? Very few books warrant 500+ page. Actually, it’s rare to warrant 400+ IMO. I like a max of 350 pages in general. I’ll make exceptions, but look what Lily King did in 188 pages!!
Jade plants are great! I had a tiny little one given to me by a student, it was a true miniature. I think it was maybe an inch and a half tall. Her name was Jade! But of course! And she did NOT survive the move. My SIL had brought out my plants for me, which was very thoughtful, but she didn’t realize the bowl Jade was in (think decorative yoga-ish bowl with coloured sand and little pieces of bark) HAD a plant in it. So Jade ended up squished. She was tiny so it’s forgivable BUT IT WAS SAD. Of course, I was having a breakdown every other day back then, so it was just one more breakdown in a long series of breakdowns.
This is really sweet Nicole. You are a great plant mom- love that you refer to them as your boys’ sisters! I have never been a plant person, but I’m getting better. I was gifted a gorgeous hibiscus and kept it alive & flourishing for about 5 years but alas it got some little bugs I couldn’t eradicate. I was sad but not Nicole level sad!
Oooh a hibiscus! Oh, that would be sad to lose.
I’m sorry for your losses (RIP Noelle & Stella). I used to be a Crazy Plant Lady; but sadly, I’m only down to a few now since this house doesn’t have enough natural light for all the plants. And now I’m sad that I never named any of my plants. I may have to re-visit that with the few I do have left.
Oooh yes you should name them! It’s never too late!
I love my indoor plants, but not as much as you. A man of action is a good thing most of the time. G also likes to get things done and if they somehow make it onto his list I know that he will soon be pestering me to spend a couple of hours out of my day (at a time that is convenient to him) to go and look at whatever he has picked out. Last week (which was a short week, so it comes with inbuilt scheduling issues), I had a sudden reorganisation of my Wednesday to go look at fold-down beds for Ethan’s room. I’ve found that it’s best just to go along and get it done because he does not let it go.
Sometimes just going along with it is the only option!
I am not a plant person, but my Husband is. He has so. many. plants. I appreciate his plants and enjoy the life they bring to our house, but I would never think of owning a plat myself – mostly because I don’t want to own something that will die on me. But I love your little posse of plants and it makes me wish I were a plant lady too.
I don’t think my Husband’s plants have names. He did have a cactus once named Nancy. Only I would forget that he named it (her?) and once in a while he would mention her in conversation (“I might move Nancy to a bigger pot…” for example.) And I would get so very very confused.
Consider Yourself Kissed articulated so many things that I didn’t even know I felt myself until she said it. And with such insightful wit too. That section about the pandemic was spot on. At first, I thought, “Where’s the plot?” but then I realized it wasn’t that kind of a book.
Nancy! I love that!
I love a book that is kind of plotless. I am definitely a character-reader, in that I really don’t care much about plot at all!
Patty Pathos died over here after 20 years, and I CRIED. I love my plant ladies so much. Yours are lovely!
Oh I would totally cry too, Sarah! 20 years! I need a pathos, I think (but where will I put her?)
Nicole this had me in tears. It is hard to let go. I am sad with you about it all. Sending you a hug.
Thank you so much my friend xoxo
I accidentally killed a spider plant that one of my friends gave me when she was leaving Minneapolis and I DON’T LIKE TO THINK OR TALK ABOUT IT.
Ack no!!! I feel this so much!
May your plant babies rest in peace! ❤️🩹 The girls are so pretty! Crying over the loss of one is the only reasonable reaction. They’ve been with us as we grow and go through all kinds of phases, so of course we should mourn them!
Me and my mom moved into a walk-up complex in 2019, and we were so lucky to have a tree right in front of our window. We were on the third floor, so we were even luckiER to hear the birds right there, every morning and evening. Until my annoying, miserable bald neighbor (who doesn’t even live in my building, but the one next to it), started complaining because of the bird poop on his car. He was the only one to complain, because everyone in the parking lot simply parked a few feet back instead of all the way into their spot; problem solved! But apparently it wasn’t enough for him. Long story short: we don’t have a tree anymore since 2024. To this day I still mourn it, I was so devastated. The birds had nowhere to go, and now some pigeons hang out by my window, my door entrance, and the tops of the building.
Me being a pigeon lady, it’s no problem. But if Bald Man complains, i don’t even wanna think about it.
Sorry, I went on a tangent! But this tree I could always see through my window during sleepless nights; when I was either studying, heartbroken, missing someone, or playing video games, and the birds would remind me at 4am to get my ass to bed 😂. I haven’t had the privilege to become a plant lady yet, but I totally understand your sentiment ❤️🩹.
Also, your husband being a Man of Action is so funny and cute! It was so sweet to read because it reminded me of my godfather. If I said “oh this orange you bought is really nice!” you can bet two days later a whole sack of oranges was going to magically appear in the fridge.
Oh NO that makes me so sad about your tree! What a miserable person! JUST DON’T PARK UNDER THE TREE! It’s an easy solution!!!
Hahaha that IS like my husband for sure – things swing into motion pretty quickly around here!
I love Crazy Plant Ladies. I do not have the touch, or good places in my house, or the ability to figure out what actually would grow in my house. My friend Jody has plants taking over her kitchen eat-in area and it’s very cozy worming into the table in the middle. She has palm trees, and a monster plant from outside that lives in her en suite bathtub in the winter. I had a beautiful cyclamen that died when I was in the hospital having Angus, and I kind of gave up after that. Can I be your plants’ lame-ass disappointment of a cousin?
A plant that lives in her bathtub, I like her style!!!
Nicole, this one got me in the feels. I, too, name my plants and become deeply attached to them (to the confusion of my family who do not have these deep plant connections). Noelle and Stella had such lovely lives with you and I’m so happy these new twins have such an amazing owner. PS: my Mr is the opposite of your husband and does not move quickly when there’s more research to be done. PPS: the only exception to this is our pup, Maysie, the best rash decision he ever made.
I love that we are both so attached to our plants!!!
Is it wrong to want to become a crazy plant lady? I bought a birds of paradise plant which is currently looking pretty split and unhappy, so I need to find a new position for it. And my neighbour gave me three cuttings in jars which I’m terrified I’m going to kill. I do not have the skills, or nerves, for this pressure!
You can do it! You can do it! You only need one plant to start on the Crazy Plant Lady journey!
I am not a plant person, but appreciate your love of them. There is a sense of whimsey being a plant lady! It’d endearing to name them and they DO look beautiful in your home! If I had a plant, I’d definitely name her Stella…
I think you SHOULD get a plant and name her Stella!!
I am sorry for your plant loss, but I am giggling to myself at referring to them as “your sisters” to your sons.
My friend Bri used to be a plant lady and she would name her plants after her friends. But then it got really sad when she would say something like “Well, Stephany is dead.” So she stopped.
LOL STEPHANY IS DEAD. I do have some friends who share plant names (Alice, and 10000000 Jennifers), so hopefully they will never die (my friends AND the plants!)
Being the crazy plant lady is probably a lot better than being the crazy cat lady! (And if you were that, you probably wouldn’t have much in the plant line.) But I have experienced that loss of a special plant (and other things) given by a dear friend. Little Keith, my jade plant, isn’t so little anymore, a take-away gift from a memorial service (party favor sounds terribly wrong in that case), is so special, I know I would be at a loss for that final goodbye. That said, you have a wonderful green family surrounding you and they are all lovely!
Oh that’s true – cats do love to eat plants!
I hope Little Keith lives on for years and years!
Whorehome. Hey, it’s all about verbiage these days, so yes!
I laughed at your referring to the plants as Your Sisters, to your sons. Yes, a bit unhinged, but I think most of us can relate! I’m sad about the loss of Noelle and Stella, may they RIP. They gave their all, and their time has come to an end.
I’ve not named my plants, but dang do I love them. Just yesterday I sent a pic of a new leaf coming out on my Foyer Banyan Fig to my daughters (also crazy plant ladies), stating that seeing that little new leaf just bring so much joy!
I have a jade plant that has been around for years, so I hope you have great luck with your new girls!
Oooh your plant family also sounds great – seeing new leaves is such a joy!
Is there a secret to jade plants? I have had one for many years, but it is not as green or as leafy as your new ones. Maybe I’ve overwatered it? What I have good luck with is your mystery plant – the Kalanchoe. I have 5 of them in various parts of the house. You can cut them back when they get too tall and repot the cuttings.
I have read so many of your book recommendations! I’m currently on Promise Me Sunshine. I’m slowly coming back to blogging, so give me another week to catch up!
Bijoux, thank you! I didn’t know what the name was and now I do. Thank you!
I have heard that with jade plants they can go a long time without water, so maybe too much water?
I love that you name your plants, but I noticed they are all female? Is there a reason you never buy any males? Perhaps they are like cats and the males make more of a mess? I named my plants until I started propagating them and my spider plant Harry had 12 babies and before I knew it there were just too many to name. Now I name my bikes, which you already know, and my friend’s 12 year old named my helmet “Cornnut.” Why not? I spent a lot of time with Bob and Cornnut, so they are basically friends.
Plants are girls to me, Kyria, and they always will be! There’s enough testosterone in this house!
Nicole, you are going to weep when you read this comment. I am planning to ditch all of my houseplants. They are not doing well—a consequence of living in an apartment with a northwest exposure, few windows, and a building across the street that blocks most of the minimal sunshine I get. I’m tired of failing in the plant department. The guilt, though, is unreal. So I can completely sympathize with you having All The Feelings when sending Noelle to grow the next generation of plants. But! The rest of your plants are gorgeous! Thank you for sharing. <3
Aww, that’s too bad, it’s hard to get plants to grow with such little light for sure!
