“What is with your health?” my husband asked, watching me blow my nose for the hundredth time. “Maybe you need more protein.” I looked at him silently, then raised my eyebrows lasciviously, and burst into giggles. Because I am all grown up and mature like that.
My sinuses feel like they are out to get me. My very lovely yoga teacher, who is also a nutritionist, advised me to stay away from sugars to obtain maximum immunity from illnesses. It was working really well until the Christmas season and its demands on me to consume my body weight in mint chocolate. So I’m back on my no-sugar plan because frankly, pressing my hands dramatically against my sinuses and complaining is getting old.
But back to my protein giggles. My standard of humour is very low. Someone slips on a banana peel? Hysterical. A wedding singer drops the F-bomb in the movie Old School? Side-splitting. But even I did not find The Hangover funny. In fact, I felt like I morphed into some prim elderly lady who is continually shocked by the downfall of society. “A baby in a car with no car seat? That’s just not funny. I mean, that’s irresponsible. I know it’s a movie. I know. But it’s just stupid.” I ended up going to bed mid-movie in protest, which is where I wanted to be anyway – it was past nine o’clock.
We’ve been watching a lot of movies over the holiday. It’s been great to catch up on films from the last decade or so. I gave my husband the X-Men trilogy for Christmas and I now have a small crush on Wolverine. “I can see why Hugh Jackman is so popular!” I kept saying, in step with people newly relieved and annoyed that the whole Y2K phenomenon was such a hoax.
My husband – without me – watched the new Star Trek movie. I have never once seen an episode of Star Trek, and it occurred to me that it is an entire cultural phenomenon that I know absolutely nothing about. Nothing! I grew up with two brothers, both of whom were into superheroes and Star Wars, so I have a whole untapped mental catalogue of information pertaining to those topics, but I have no clue what Star Trek is all about. “Are they like, aliens traveling around in space ships?” I asked my husband. He stared at me for a few moments, then said, “Yes, Nicole. That’s what it’s all about. Aliens traveling around in space ships.”
All of which is to say, I need some more sinus medication. And maybe some protein! Tee hee.