Horse With No Name. For the past thirty-five years or so, my younger brother and I have had a running April Fool’s joke, the punch line of which involves a dead horse. I cannot even begin to explain to you the nuances of said joke, but nary an April 1st passes by without one or the other of us referencing a dead horse.
This hilarity is at the edge of my limit when it comes to April Fool’s. I hate jokes that come at other people’s expense, and so I very much dislike pranks, which often feel mean-spirited and unkind. Also, they can backfire. I felt vindicated in my general loathing of pranks when a friend told me about removing the filling from Oreo cookies and replacing it with toothpaste, thinking her kids would immediately spit out the concoction and laugh at her antics. Instead, the kids ate all the tampered cookies. I’m no doctor, but probably we shouldn’t be consuming that much toothpaste? And I could see myself falling for this as I love the taste of mint. Anyway. April Fool’s! I find it SO dumb at best, and potentially hazardous at worst.
Up On Cripple Creek. I was telling an elderly couple about my leash mishap and fall, and the gentleman asked which side I fell on. I assumed he was talking about what side of my body, but he meant what side of the pathway; i.e., the creek side or the non-creek side. I fell on the non-creek side.
After he asked that, I started to have some weird post-mildly-traumatic stress thinking. I could really visualize an alternate scenario in which I was on the creek side of the path, and ended up tumbling down the very steep bank into the icy cold water, breaking bones and drowning my phone. Like, I could really SEE it, and now I can’t unsee it, and I am guiding Rex to the opposite side of the path at all times because WHAT IF. And THEN I started seeing a scenario in which I was being watched and filmed, because of course people are interested in the fascinating and action-packed way Rex and I plod along every morning, and the video of me flying through the air and landing in the creek, hitting everything possible on the way down, becomes a viral sensation and I turn into Pete from Mad Men.
Feeling All Right. Other than this weird mental imagery, I seem to have recovered from my fall. In other words, my sitz bone is no longer bruised and painful. Happily, my plantar fasciitis seems to be abating as well, after three weeks of intense foot stretching, ball rolling, and icing, along with a steady rotating diet of Advil and Tylenol. It probably would have gotten better quickly if I stayed off it entirely, but we all know that’s not going to happen. I cannot even imagine the mental state I would be in without my daily constitutional, not to mention Rex.
Rex does have a bed – several beds, in fact – but when I am reading on the couch he wedges himself between it and the coffee table. I was marvelling to the guys about how calm and mellow Rex is, and they looked at me like I had just eaten a shoe. After a brief silence, they all started to talk at once about how Rex is NOT a calm and mellow dog, and that I only think that because we walk 5-7 km daily prior to 9 am. I suppose this is correct. Again I started imagining alternate scenarios in which I shatter bones by falling into the creek and Rex DOESN’T get his daily walk and omg you guys, I must stop thinking of this alternate universe.
Boogie Shoes. Part of my plantar fasciitis recovery process has been wearing sandals in the house, as opposed to my usual bare or sock feet. I think it’s really helpful and also, I cannot help but feel like the guy wearing crocs and socks.
At least I’m not leaving the house like this.
Rich Girl. My friend Hannah (HI HANNAH) sent me this:
Because I am a woman of great privilege, I texted her this photo from Superstore.
LOOK WHO WON THE LOTTERY Hannah replied, because I am a Fancy Rich Lady who buys Mini-Eggs and who will be making them into little nests today.
Also, I cannot think of the word “nest” without thinking about the couple’s therapy scene in Old School, where Frank talks about panties and then, when his wife makes a noise of disgust, says “I thought…I thought we were in the Trust Tree, are we not? In the nest?”
I hope you all have a lovely weekend, and that you can splash out on Mini-Eggs or similarly ridiculously priced Easter treats. xo
Sorry to hear about your fall, that must have been frustrating with your pain killer diet, discomfort and the uncertainty of its duration. I find the most frustrating part of the
Recovery of an injury is the wait for it to get better and not knowing how long.
Coco, that’s exactly it. My sitz bone is fine now, but I’m starting to worry that the PF is still here! HOW MUCH LONGER? I think if I knew an exact time, it would be so easy! Or easier.
I’m glad your plantar fasciitis is on the mend. I cannot walk around barefoot anymore, I have to wear slippers with arch support (vionic) around the house. That’s not PF for me, it’s my RA.
While I know your daily walks help calm both you and Rex, I suspect that’s he’s a lot calmer than he used to be. What a darling he is.
Your Easter baskets are adorable! I don’t know if we’re doing ANYTHING for Easter. I don’t want to do a huge thing. Maybe we’ll go for a walk? (I mean, we always go for a walk on Sunday, but still…) Time will tell!
J, I’m not doing anything other than our usual big Sunday dinner, and the Easter treats. That feels like enough!
I agree, Rex at 1 1/2, when we got him, was much, much more spazzy than now!
HAHA, those kids just calmly eating the toothpaste Oreos! I CAN’T!! 😂 I’m sure that became a family legend.
Speaking of which, I love that yearly insider dead-horse joke with your brother! Only siblings understand this sort of thing.
My husband’s birthday is on 1 April. This year I secretly arranged for “our” coffee shop to bring a slice of banana bread to our table after the gym, and it worked perfectly. A small little thing, but it was a good surprise.
I mean…I could totally see myself doing that! “Mmmm minty Oreos.”
The inside joke is SO funny to me but it’s one of those things that if I tried to explain it to anyone else, I would just get bemused looks.
Happy birthday to your husband! That sounds like a nice little treat!
I’ve always hated pranks. I remember always being so stressed out as a kid whenever my friends (or even family members) would make me take part in them; some were just mean and not funny. I am also the kind of person to die laughing before I even finish my jokes, so I wouldn’t have been an ideal accomplice anyway.
Those little nests look so cute!! Is that granola? It looks so yummy. We have a similar brand of those eggs in Puerto Rico and I remember being obsessed with them when I was a kid. They’re so addictive!
Alondra – I KNOW! I know exactly what you mean. I find that kind of thing so stressful!
The nests are made of oats and coconut, with cocoa and coconut oil – they are a “no bake” kind of cookie that I shape into nests!
Since I’ve met Rex, please tell your family for me that he is a calm and mellow dog. If they don’t believe me, they can come visit and meet Doggo. It’s true that dog walking has its share of occupational injuries, but I feel confident that you and Rex will continue to pound out 5-7 km walkies for the rest of his days (and to be clear, Rex is going to live FOREVER).
I want the Cadbury nests! I made jello shots for our family Easter dinner, so can we teleport and trade goodies?
JELLO SHOTS. I think you just won at family Easter dinner, Birchie!
I WILL tell everyone that he is calm and mellow, thank you for supporting me!
The question from the older gentleman who asked what side you fell reminds me of when I bought my first condo back in 2005. My aunt and uncle asked what direction it faced. I said “the pool”. They were like – “no, what ordinal direction?” I shrugged because ordinal directions do not come naturally to me. I was 24 and really had zero f’s to give about what actual ordinal direction it faced…
I’m glad you’ve recovered and that your PF is getting better, too! I have magically avoided that malady which is kind of a miracle given how much I’ve ran in my life. My old coworker/mentor had it. He kept a can of soup at his desk and would roll his foot back and forth on that can of soup. When he quit that job (read: abandoned me for another company – which I then joined about 3 years later) he offered me the foot soup as a parting gift as a joke. I of course passed. But foot soup was quite a long running joke between us as well, kind of like your dead horse joke with your brother. I love it when long-term relationships have a hidden language/joke. For Phil and me, it’s the phrase “I’m ready to be done” – which is what I said in the middle of a hike at Griffith Observatory in LA after we had to backtrack multiple times – obviously you cannot be done in the middle of a hike. But that’s our phrase to indicate we’ve reached out limits.
FOOT SOUP OMG.
I am with you on directions, my dad would always give me driving directions and say “turn east” which, you might as well have asked me to transcribe ancient Sanskrit. I…don’t know? Although I will say I have gotten marginally better as a) I have that info in my car now b) we live on the east side of the lake so I know that if I’m looking across the lake, I’m looking west. And then I go Never Eat Shredded Wheat. It takes TIME.
Oh dear falling is so scary and that gentleman made it scarier. I slipped on ice two years in a row and now am very scared of it. I walk so funny. The video would be hilarious.
I have an issue with the nerve on the bottom of my foot so cannot go barefoot either. I miss it but if I even walk 20 feet, I pay for it.
Oh I love those little nests. I am going to try to find a recipe; although, since we are having Easter dinner tomorrow, it is too late to make them. I could make them for another holiday and substitute M&Ms of the seasonal color.
I literally never thought of falling before, and now I’m thinking about it all the time! It IS scary!
I’m glad you’re feeling better – that fall sounds so scary, and I get why you’re having nightmarish what-if thoughts. I’m prone to doing that too. Ah yes, I also wear “house shoes” which at the moment are stretchy Skechers slip-ons with good arch support. They’re not cute, but they do their job, and I love the stretchy mesh fabric. Your little Cadbury Egg nests are so cute! Happy Easter!
Michelle, we are twinsies!!! My sandals are Skechers. I love that brand – I find their shoes so comfortable and they fit the shape of my feet perfectly. We are a “shoes off” household, so I’m getting used to putting on indoor shoes, like I’m a little kid at school! But it is helping for sure.
Those nests are brilliant. I wish I’d thought of them! So very glad that your sitz bone is better and the same with the plantar fascitis. I’m in the indoor sandals camp too, unfortunately, but it really does help. Rex is so darned cute. I love a close-sitter!
Hahaha the sandals are NOT attractive but hey, they work!
He IS a close-sitter! Mostly it’s adorable, but when I’m working in the kitchen I do have to step over him a lot!
I hate April Fool’s Day as well. I’m mildly traumatized by thinking about children eating toothpaste Oreo’s. I hope you continue to recover. Shoes in the house would be difficult!
Bijoux, it’s hard to get used to as we are a “shoes off” household, and now I’m a “let me put on these ugly but comfortable indoor sandals” person.
The imaginary alternative thing is so uncomfortable! I do that a lot — either with things that could have happened, but didn’t, or with things that might happen. Like I will picture my kid running up the stairs and grabbing the railing and it breaks and she plummets to the ground. Or I picture the cat jumping at a plant and pulling the planter down on himself and crushing his little body. You know, that kind of pleasant little brain game. WTF, BRAIN.
My kid likes April Fool’s Day, and often comes up with really cute ideas that seem like they will not hurt anyone or make them feel stupid. This year, she taped signs to the girl’s room mirrors that said, “Mirror broken, do not use!” which I find so charming. She did come up with a fairly benign prank to play on her father, and I begrudgingly agreed to it, and then it was AWFUL, Nicole, so awful, and I felt terrible, and it re-solidified my desire for NO PRANKS EVER. (He is fine, he didn’t get hurt, or too embarrassed, it just… wasn’t funny AT ALL.)
Your chocolate nests are so cute!!!! Must be nice to have such an abundance of riches.
Mirror broken, do not use – that is the perfect thing for April Fool’s, IMO. Gentle, funny, and NOT AT ALL AWFUL. I’m so sorry about the other prank! Ahhhh.
Engie just posted about children playing on a roof and even READING that, from this far away, I’m having horrible alternate-universe thoughts about them all falling off!
I make your nests every year and they are so good! But I’m going on a bit of a chocolate detox so I’m going to make Rice Krispie nests for my kids instead. I somehow missed that you had a fall, and I hope you heal soon. When I sprained my ankle last year my dog had to adapt and she did go a bit nutty without her walk. However she refuses to walk wit anyone else while I’m in the house so it’s her own fault. Like Rex, she’s very attached to her person. Happy Easter! 🙂
Anna, I don’t…know if Rex would walk with anyone else. I doubt it, not if I was home. Barkley absolutely refused. I always tried to get the boys to take him, and he’d last half a block before turning and pulling them back home!
I’m glad you’re physically recovered from your fall, even though your brain won’t let it alone.
The nests are very pretty (and tasty I’m sure). We’ve had Easter candy in the house for weeks and I have only dipped into it twice, which I think is pretty good.
That IS pretty good!
My brain! It won’t stop thinking strange things!
When our daughter was little we packed her lunchbox with felt, toy food on April Fools’ Day. There was also a note saying it was a joke & money to buy her lunch. She loved it. I also used to wrap baby carrots in the foil that covers chocolate eggs and put that in her lunch.
THAT IS THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!!! Now THAT is a cute way to do April Fool’s!!!
Yikes..sorry about your fall. It’s scary to be in a situation like that. So..I just discovered those Cadbury eggs this year. I bought the dark chocolate ones and I’m obsessed! I’m looking forward to all your book recommendations soon with you being off your feet. Happy Easter!
Mmmm Cadbury eggs! Enjoy, Judy!!
Mmmmm Cadbury ANYTHING! I remember my dad discovering Cadbury chocolate a hundred years ago, and I am eternally grateful for that. Also–do you remember when Cadbury Eggs, the big cream-filled ones, were way bigger? I loved those things even though they set my teeth on edge after a few bites. (I always managed to soldier through and finish them, however!)
Nance! Yes I do! I was always so excited to get one at Easter and wow, I had the same exact experience as you. Soldier through! I can’t imagine eating one now. They are SO sweet!
I’m from Australia so I’m a little spoiled with Cadbury choices, but geez they’re still so expensive over here. The mini eggs are so delicious though. This year my son got a cadbury sour patch egg for easter “from the bunny” – basically a hollow cadbury egg with some sour patch worms inside. He loved it!
My favourite prank I’ve heard is a war that goes on between a girl and her father. She’s now in her 40s and they still play. One year her dad got a truck load of dirt delivered to her house. It took her a lont time to use it up in the garden! 🙂
Hahaha well, I’m glad she had a garden to use the truckload of dirt!
I would honestly love that treat that your son received – I have a soft spot for sour patch treats! Thanks for stopping by, Kel!
I am not a fan of April Fool’s Day either, but I’ve never had friends or family who are into it, so I’ve mostly avoided the trauma. G and I were completely disorganised this year and had to go yesterday (Easter Saturday) to get something for the kids. We ended up at the Chocolate Box and came out with four overpriced chocolate bilbies.
Other than the Mini-Eggs, I haven’t gotten any Easter treats. What are bilbies? I am going to google that right now!
Oh! I’m back! That’s so fun – I had never heard of bilbies before!
I would probably be that kid who enjoyed the toothpaste Oreos – HA. I do not enjoy April Fools’ Day because I find most of the jokes pretty lame or distasteful. Like, a local restaurant that has a cult following posted that they were closing their doors. And it was a joke!! Come on, now.
I’m glad your sitz bone is healing fine! Good job for being a good patient and taking care of it.
I also fall into those imaginary thought spirals. I mean, I’m the girl who will immediately go into crisis mode if my mom doesn’t call me back within 10 minutes. IT’S FUN TIMES.
I mean, I would enjoy them too, Stephany – I love mint and chocolate! Alas. We’d both have some kind of fluoride poisoning.
April Fool’s! That’s so dumb. Is it worth the stupid publicity???
Ted says the same thing about Hannah re: energy. She’s only calm in the house because I walk her for a long time each day and play games with her and occasionally do training and she’s exhausted. And I think, EVERY TIME, THAT IS HOW YOU CARE FOR A DOG and get really upset at thinking people should be okay with their dog just going out in the backyard for ten minutes twice a day. IMAGINE IF THAT WAS YOUR LIFE. She’s truly a chill dog, though.
There was a really mean April Fools joke that Garth Brooks released his music to the streaming services and for a split second I thought my music game was going to really change, but I KNEW. I knew it was a jerk being mean. I hate April Fools. Not as much as I hate the pinching if you’re not wearing green on St. Patrick’s Day, which seems like allowable physical assault, but it’s pretty high up there on my hate meter.
Engie, you and I are on the same page. I truly don’t think a person should get a pet – particularly a dog, but any pet really – unless they are really willing to do all the things that make that pet’s life happy. Loving an animal is just not enough! They need so much care and attention. I know some dogs that don’t get walked, or walked rarely, and those dogs are not well-behaved. There is a correlation! Other than a handful of times over the 14 years we had Barkley, I walked him every day and every day he was so happy to go. It was hard when he was sick because people would meanly comment on his appearance, and I’d cry almost every walk, but I kept going because he still loved it.
last year I decided not to get the bag of mini eggs from Costco, thinking, “Who needs taht many mini eggs?” and I have regretted it for a year. This year, I got two bags from Costco. It still might not be enough.
NO REGRETS!!!! The Costco size bag is the only way to go. Economies of scale!
I freaking love no bake haystack cookies. NO ONE ELSE IN MY HOUSE DOES THO and I am the only customer. Ugh I had PF during the panny and had to wear the world’s ugliest Vionic sandals in the house– they helped quickly, though, and I am back to bare feet. Hope yours heals fast! (here’s the link in case you fear your are not ugly enough: (https://www.zappos.com/p/womens-vionic-relax-ii-slides-brown-multi-woven-fabric/product/9971533/color/1122643?utm_source=google&utm_medium=pla_x&utm_campaign=22102602674&utm_term=_o_60406154&utm_content=_g__w__l_CjwKCAjw1tLOBhAMEiwAiPkRHnjs3XMitUYzLK8Nz5rqIsFlMJ9my3rrJzAZFZIiyuuKeeMLnKAYaBoCYMIQAvD_BwE&gbraid=0AAAAADnIwa843fEH6xsZIdQwLX64Xa0QG&gclid=CjwKCAjw1tLOBhAMEiwAiPkRHnjs3XMitUYzLK8Nz5rqIsFlMJ9my3rrJzAZFZIiyuuKeeMLnKAYaBoCYMIQAvD_BwE)
Hahaha those are pretty good! I mean, whatever works!
No bake cookies are amazing, I also have a peanut butter chocolate recipe that is to die for!
I am also one of those people who has intrusive thoughts that I can not remove from my brain soon enough. You have got to stop thinking about the creek and falling into it. Maybe you need to be hypnotized? Nicole, stop. ✋
I can not go barefoot ever. I mean, only while sleeping, or in the shower, but that is it. I constantly have on comfy shoes, usually Vionic sandals or sneakers. I barely remember what it’s like to not wear shoes.
Toothpaste Oreos. Ok, how am I gonna get that out of my head?
Rex is so lucky to have such a good mama who takes him on long walks daily…that is why he is calm!
I don’t know that I’ve ever eaten a Cadbury Egg. I’m gonna go on a limb that I probably already have enough bad habits, and I shouldn’t start another one. 🤣
Once again, I feel like we are long-lost twins, as I walk around the house in my supportive sandals!
Maybe I DO need to be hypnotized!!
I am so glad that you did not fall in the creek! Although phones these days are fairly waterproof so as long as you keep it in your pocket, you never know, you may be able to recover it. However, you may be a bit cold! I remember swimming in a river in BC in mid June one year and freezing my patootie off! It was COLD. Actually I say “swimming” but really my friend and I were camping and needed to clean off a bit so I did the quickest dip you have ever seen. I hope you are feeling better now!
I was more worried about breaking something or hitting my head on the rocks on the slope! And also being cold! But luckily it didn’t happen and all’s well.
This is going to sound weird, but I am glad I am not the only person who pictures something horrible happening and all of the ramifications thereof. I do it when I’m going downstairs (horrible head injury, anyone?) and sometimes while driving (being t-boned?). I find it fascinating that my brain can conjure up such horrific scenarios so readily. Also mildly terrifying, like, does imagining it make it more likely?
And with that cheerful note, off I go to … go down the stairs and head out for my (afternoon, dog-less, sigh) mini-constitutional.
OH! I would strongly recommend continuing to wear your indoor footwear as a preventive measure, once your PF resolves. It’s made a huge difference in my foot pain. As in, it doesn’t exist anymore. 🙂
Anne, that’s good to know re: foot pain. I feel like a bit of a dork in these sandals but they are helping so much!
