Several months ago I listened to a podcast interview of a man who, with the exception of his car and the possessions he had hastily packed into it, lost everything in the Los Angeles fires. He was remarkably sanguine about the situation, saying that although his house and everything in it burned to the ground, he was actually looking forward to collecting the insurance money and starting over again, somewhere less expensive, where he could continue to work remotely.
I am sure there was a complicated journey to get to that place of peace, I am sure he had some mourning and grieving and anger, but I was impressed by this attitude. I am not sure if I would ever get there myself, should I find myself in that kind of situation. But he said that he and his wife, who also works remotely, had no children and at the end of the day, where would their possessions go anyway? The only thing – the only thing! – his wife was sad about was the loss of the family Bible that had recorded births, deaths, and marriages for generations.
But then, he said, what would have happened to it anyway, after they died? The best case scenario, he said, was that eventually that Bible would end up in a secondhand shop, hopefully found by someone who placed value on old books.
Well.
I related this story over dinner and my sons both seemed to think this was a completely normal and reasonable thought process, and maybe it was. We all learned that lesson, my older son said, when we moved. We got rid of something and five minutes later we forgot we ever had it.
I don’t know if that’s depressing or uplifting, but I do think there’s some truth there. What WILL happen to all of our stuff upon our demise? Will anyone want my gnomes? My books? My non-blooming Christmas cactus? Who’s to say. I do know that when we were cleaning out my grandma’s apartment, twenty-five years ago, my cousin handed me yet another dollar store tchotchke and said gravely This is why you should never give your grandma knickknacks for every birthday and Christmas and Mother’s Day. It’s true. Whereas she treasured these gifts from her grandchildren, none of her grandchildren wanted anything to do with the little ceramic unicorns or, in my case, inexpensive brooches from Sears.
I’m not a minimalist, certainly, and I do have some things from both of my grandmas that I value deeply: my framed Desiderata, some old books, a stack of magazines featuring Princess Diana, a piano stool, and an entire set of Lavender Rose china, which I brought out on Friday for an afternoon fondue party with the girls.
The truth is that although I don’t bust out the fancy china very often, I am not a believer in saving things for special occasions. Years ago my friend Swistle (HI SWISTLE) wrote about family heirlooms that literally never got used and spent decades in boxes in order to “save” them. That post affected me deeply, honestly, because what do we have stuff for if we are never going to use it? Swistle wrote “It WOULD be sad if an irreplaceable 1940s plate got broken, it WOULD. But I’m looking at the two possibilities: (1) using the dishes many, many times and enjoying them each time, and ending up with a set that has a few missing/chipped pieces, or (2) never using the dishes, and ending up with a perfect set. That we never see. Because it is in a box.” I don’t think I could possibly add to that.
I think there is a mentality, particularly with people of a certain generation, to want to preserve and keep things because they lived through a time where possessions were so precious and of such great value. I am sure we all had an older relative who covered all the furniture in those clear plastic covers; no seat was comfortable by any stretch of the imagination, but at least the upholstery was preserved! Gorgeous wooden tables covered with ugly wipeable tablecloths, lampshades with the cellophane still on them, all the blinds closed so that nothing fades from the sunlight. Guest towels that would get you killed if you used them, ditto the flower-shaped fancy soaps in the powder room. Whole rooms that no one could go into, lest they become polluted by the people entering in. All of these beautiful things that took a lifetime to amass, and that were, at best, rarely used and never enjoyed, due to the worry that they would get “ruined.”
My friend Elisabeth (HI ELISABETH) just wrote about this on her Patreon: fancy candles, special clothes, handmade quilts all going unused so as to not ruin them. It breaks my heart a little bit; what is the point of having possessions if they never get used? Especially since – and this is also mildly heartbreaking – there is a strong possibility that no one will want them later. I mean, I cannot imagine my sons will ever want my grandma’s china. It’s possible, I suppose, but not probable. The same goes for the stack of Princess Diana magazines; chances are they will end up in the recycling when I shuffle off this mortal coil to join her, may that be many decades in the future. And I would never blame them, I don’t want them saddled with boxes of things that were mine but that they have no interest in.
Listening to the man who lost everything in the fires really sparked something in me; I love my home and all the things in it, I have so many treasures and beautiful art and special things. I would be devastated to lose them. It reinforces my determination to appreciate and use all of them. As my friend Liv (HI LIV) used to say when I’d talk about using Grandma’s china, Pull the Ferrari out of the garage!
Those are words to live by. Use the fancy dishes, drink the expensive wine, eat the good chocolates, wear the silk top or the cashmere sweater or the sexy shoes! Dry your hands on the guest towels after washing them with the specialty soaps! Open up the blinds and let the sunshine in, even if the flooring and upholstery fades because of it!
In a way it reminded me of a show from years ago – maybe it was Ally McBeal? I don’t remember, honestly – in which a character talked about her tricks to keeping her skin young-looking and wrinkle-free: keep facial expressions to a minimum, don’t laugh, and stay out of the sun. Talk about living as grimly as possible! There is such a thing as sunscreen! I suppose it would keep the face pretty youthful; I wouldn’t know, since I resemble the crypt keeper these days, but I’d rather have that than a lifetime of no facial expressions.
It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? It’s just as ridiculous as having a houseful of things that never get used.
Weekly Reading
I embarked on a Very Special Reading Project this week, which I will write about in a separate post later this week, so I just have one book to talk about today.
Sandwich. I read this last year but wanted to refresh myself since Catherine Newman’s new book, Wreck, is coming out next month and it centres around the family in Sandwich. I love this book. I love the thoughts on menopause, women and their reproductive lives, empty nests, aging parents, marriage, all of it. As you know from last week, I am a Catherine Newman Superfan, and I really love this one.
Speaking of Sandwich Life, today is a very special day – my younger son turns 20! Two decades of joy.
I hope you all have a joyful week – pull those Ferraris out of the garage! Put your (sunscreened) faces to the sun! Pop the champagne! Whatever you’re saving for a special day – today is a special day! xo
Hey, Nicole!..obviously this blog hit home with me since we just moved. 24 years in 1 house so we needed to get ride of stuff. I like stuff too, but I now consider myself more of a minimalist. I get a lot of question on how I slimmed down our treasures so you inspired me to write about this very subject soon. HBDay to you son! What cute pictures!
Hi! We were 23 years in one house so TWINSIES! There was a box in our storage space that still had packing tape on it from when we moved there 23 years before. I basically donated everything in that box. Nothing motivates a clear-out like moving!
I love this!!! I’ll bet that man and his wife went through a period of grieving after losing ALL THEIR POSSESSIONS, but then came to a place of peace with it- as I”m pretty sure we all would if we were in that situation. I really learned this lesson when both my parents were gone and I had to clean out their place. So many things that were saved for years, only to go into a dumpster or to Goodwill. Yes, your kids are not going to want your crap once you’re gone! With a few notable exceptions, of course. For some reason my mom saved a ton of useless stuff, yet got rid of her high school yearbooks- those were things I would have liked to look at! I remember I was mad when she told me she threw them away.
Yes, I think there was a generation of people who were afraid to use their nice things (maybe people who lived through the Depression?) For the most part, we don’t do that in our house- but in honor of your post I’m going to think about this, and pull out something today that we haven’t used in a while.
Looking forward to the reading project- and I love the baby photos!!!!
Oh, too bad about the yearbooks! Those would have been nice to have. I have heard so many stories – so many! – about clearing out parents’ stuff and just…there’s so much and no one wants it. I don’t want to do that to my kids (may that day be many decades down the road!)
I have been guilty of using the little soaps in my MIL’s bathroom.
Still have Sandwich on my TBR list.
Happy b-day to J!
Hahaha omg Steph, why did this make me laugh so much??? I’m just imagining you surreptitiously using the fancy soaps. I hope there was a guest towel that you used to dry your hands!
Several years ago, I downsized to a condo and got rid of a ton of stuff, including china and crystal. I try now to live a more minimalist lifestyle. It’s true that the next generation won’t want anything of ours, not our delicate china nor dining tables with matching hutch (got rid of those too). A lot of possessions packed up in corners and boxes weigh us down is how I feel. My locker could still use a good clean out (one day soon), but the thing I now struggle with is – what to do with all the hand-written journals I’ve accumulated?
Oooh that is a tough one. I would definitely keep them! I got rid of all my teen diaries in a fit of pique and I do regret that.
Ooooh look at you and baby J!!!! Such sweet photos. The one of infant him smiling up at you made me all teary. Happy birthday to him and to you.
Well. This post. Hoo boy. You are so right, Nicole. Pull the Ferrari out of the garage. There is no reason to save the things you love — USE THEM. (Says the woman who hasn’t used her own good china in… years.) Sometimes I morbidly think about what in my house, besides the living beings, I would save in a fire. And I think really it comes down to my kid’s favorite blankie, my laptop, a painting my mom made, my wedding album, in that order. I might try to save my husband’s music computer, too, if I were the only one here. There are the things we surround ourselves with because they give us comfort or beauty or pleasure… but among them, few are truly precious. (Oh, now I am thinking of a couple of handmade artworks my father and mother-in-law each made for my kid that would be nice to save from my HOPEFULLY HYPOTHETICAL fire, too.) I mean, I ADORE my book collection and I would be devastated to lose it. And also I would get over it. Not easily, I’m not saying that. You know what I’m saying.
Gah. I am probably in too maudlin a mood to read this with the optimistic spirit in which it was written. But I do hear what you’re saying and I take it to heart. Enjoy what you have!!! Things are meant to enhance life, not to sit on a pedestal and collect dust.
Awww thank you, I love that photo too!
I would be devastated if all my books went up in flames! But I guess I would eventually get over it (BUT WOULD I??). You’re totally right – enjoy what you have, don’t put stuff on a pedestal!
My parents grew up during the depression/WWII and they were definitely “collectors of things that weren’t to be touched” and while there wasn’t plastic on the couch there was cellophane on the lampshades LOL! I think that does come from living through a time when food, never mind things, were hard to come by and what you had needed to last.
I have collected a few things over the years, but am more of a minimalist. What I would hate to lose are my photographs. While I don’t pour over my albums daily, they are memory triggers and take me back to a specific time and place that I am always happy to revisit.
Thanks for this post, Nicole! It’s reminded me I should get on that scanning project I’ve talked about doing.
Oh yes, the photo albums! I still print out all my photos too (although lately have been VERY bad about putting them into albums). That would be a sad loss for sure.
I love the flashback photos of you as a young mom! There’s such joy in those photos! Happy birth day to you, too, mama!
I think a lot about the accumulation of possessions. I want to make things easier for our kids when we part. That was part of the reason I was compelled to donate my wedding dress. What would they do with a preserved wedding dress?? (well, I never had it preserved, but if I had, what would they do with it??). My mom has her wedding dress preserved and one of us kids will have to make the decision to throw it away… We’ve all been married and none of us girls even considered wearing her dress. I’m not a very sentimental person when it comes to possessions. I can’t really think of anything my mom owns that I would want… I have my memories and that’s what I value most. The only possession that my kids might want is my beautiful Kawai piano. But maybe they will have no interest in it! Time will tell.
Thanks Lisa!
Yes, I have thought about donating my wedding dress, because WHAT AM I DOING WITH IT. It’s silly to keep such a thing. I had my grandma’s wedding dress for the longest time and that was just a waste of space, honestly. Why would I keep a dress from the 1930s that was never preserved and was all dusty and musty, not to mention she was half a foot shorter than me…
Ah, Nicole. With the nail-on-the-head, again. Just got back from spending another summer downstairs from my lovely, 80-something parents: talk about stuff. They claim not to save it; my mom, in particular, was offended that my sister cleared off a shelf of candles so she could store things during her stay…”but I DO use those! Don’t donate/throw away!” (the dust coating suggests otherwise…
Other than my daughter wanting a set of dishes *someday*, none of their grandchildren want their treasures. Their daughters certainly don’t… we have more than enough of our own stashes to deal with!
Sigh. Back to my Swedish Death Cleaning (you know about that, right)?
Hope J has a wonderful year being 20!
😘
I do indeed know about Swedish Death Cleaning – I think I read that book when we were both at AYC, like 2018? Um, yes, if there is dust on an item then it is probably not getting used. Sigh.
I just cleaned out my mother’s house and I think about this all the time. Every single thing that is my house will have to go out of it someday. And I have no children of my own, so whoever does it is not going to give two shits about the high chair my great-great-grandfather built.
If something doesn’t get used in this house, I’m tossing it. For realz. No one needs to deal with our set of silver that my husband’s father gave us because no one else would take it.
If I love it (photos, etc.) or it serves a use, it can stay. But I really have to think about whether or not anyone would ever want/need it outside of this household and it’s shocking that for 95% of things, the answer is no.
Am I at peace with this? Not really. Am I dealing with it? Mostly.
I think that Marie Kondo said that items had to be useful or joyful to be kept in your home, and I think about that a lot. Because sometimes, stuff is just stuff and it’s not useful or joyful but we hang onto it anyway, and what for? It’s a good lesson, what you say, to just toss something if it’s not getting used!
Hear, hear!
My grandmother, born in 1885, was of this mindset. She got very irritated by people putting aside things, saving things, not using things, especially things she made. She was a gifted seamstress and tailor; she made all of my winter coats and jackets until I was 13, many of leather. She made purses, hippie fringed vests, quilts, pillows, ties, and she also crocheted and canned. She insisted that all her creations be used and not “put up.”
She scoffed at the idea of Antiques.
A winemaker friend of mine once told me that any occasion becomes a special one if you open that Special Bottle Of Wine You’ve Been Saving. The wine alone makes any meal or occasion special, so pop that cork.
Great post, even better photos. How can Time be so fleeting?
Your grandma sounds awesome. I like her style! I am not going to name names, but I have someone in my life who is OBSESSED with antiques, and she is always going on and on about the antique value of this or that…and the thing is, no one wants antiques anymore. Or so it seems to me anyway. And if you spend your whole life worrying about something decreasing the antique value of something, well, what good is it doing? I like your grandma’s attitude so much.
YES on the wine! Opening the wine makes it an Occasion!
The ditty that’s coming to mind is “In Heaven there is no beer, that is why we must drink it here”. My parents have a lot in common with Elisabeth’s about all of the family heirlooms that they are saving. There’s just no reason for it. I would much rather have memories of eating on the family china all of these years than to inherit a mountain of stuff when I’m 70 (presuming that my parents will live the same long lives that their parents lived).
Also…as long as I had 30 minutes to grab a few possessions and the dog, I kind of wouldn’t mind having my house disappear and starting over with an insurance check.
But I am also here to defend giving tchotchkes to grandma every chance you get. If the worst thing that your kids have to deal with after you’re gone is what to do with your extensive gnome collection, then I’d say they have it pretty good. The gnomes bring you joy and that’s the perfect reason why you NEED them.
I had to chuckle over the ditty. Not being a beer drinker: If there’s no beer, that’s fine. I do hope though there’s wine!
Oooh same same
Hahaha that is true, I do get a lot of joy out of my gnomes! I hope Grandma got joy out of her ceramic dogs or what have you. She probably did!
Hi Nicole – This topic of belongings is something I’ve been working on for years. I remember advice from a show, Clean House, regarding honoring the memory of loved ones by hanging on to their belongings, usually things buried in basements getting moldy or in the back of a closet: how are you honoring their memory by doing this? One piece of advice: pass it on to someone else who can and will use it. This struck me, and I began looking at possessions this way: if it belonged to Grandma, am I caring for it or is it being ruined or abandoned? Would she be happy with me hanging on to this and not using it, or would she rather I gave it someone who would actually use it? (She would rather I passed it on.)
Another thinker: when house-hunting, we looked at a home where a woman was trying to clean out after her parents death, and it was a struggle – they had kept everything, and she was overwhelmed. Is this what we are going to do to our kids? We went straight home and started going through everything, keeping in mind the advice from Clean House. It helped a lot, and I feel comfortable with the decisions we made.
One last thought – when doing the big clean-out we found our wedding china and crystal and realized – we have a whole new set of dishes! This became our every-day dishware – why not? And we haven’t broken any of it (yet)!
I’m glad you wrote about this, it is such a tough issue; a balancing act? We should be able to have our things around us and enjoy them and not always worry about what comes later….such a thinker!
Hi Donna! That reminds me so much of Swedish Death Cleaning – I read that book seven years ago and it really affected me. And you are absolutely right – if something is just being abandoned in a box somewhere, wouldn’t it be better off to be passed to someone who could use it and enjoy it? It is a balancing act for sure – but I love that you are using your wedding china and crystal. Why not!
Oh this topic is one of my favorites, and I am firmly on the side of use it all up!! My grandmother gifted me, on the occasion of my wedding, the china she had been gifted for her wedding and which she NEVER USED, NOT ONCE!! We used them as our everyday dishes until they all broke (3 young boys at the time). And guess what, I have ZERO regrets. I cannot fathom how it would be better for me to still have the set untouched in a box somewhere.
I do confess that I am very low on the spectrum of sentimentality associated to material things.
Oh Mary, I love that so much! I love that you got so much use out of the china – I would also have zero regrets about the breakage. Kids are going to kid, what are you going to do? I love that – they do absolutely NO GOOD in a box!
Oh, “I cannot fathom how it would be better for me to still have the set untouched in a box somewhere” really resonates with me!
Cleaning out my parents house this year so they could move to assisted living & memory care was a nightmare & my dad refused to get rid of half of everything, saying we would want it. He seems to not realize we are all in our 50s and already have homes full of stuff of our own. So now everything is storage & we’ll have to deal with it a second time when they pass away. It made me think though, that if there are things I want my daughter to have, I should pass it onto her when she needs it-give her that china to use to eat pizza off of if she needs plates for her first apartment. It brings me joy to think of that. I picture her telling her friends that the dishes are her parents 1990s wedding china and everyone marveling at the retro style.
Woooof that just made me sigh deeply, about all that stuff in storage. Well, I guess at least it’s organized and in one place.
I LOVE the idea of your daughter using your wedding dishes for everyday! That’s lovely.
Yes! I agree! Pull the Ferrari out of the garage! I generally do live that way and can’t think of anything I’m saving because it’s too good to use. I even donated my wedding dress to charity because I didn’t like it uselessly hanging in my closet. But like most people, I still accumulate a lot of stuff. One relative that passed away left cupboards and cupboards FULL of Cool Whip containers. Everyone was astounded that she had so many. But she was raised in a time when those were too useful to throw away.
The thing that makes me laugh is that ever since the pandemic, I’ve felt like I need to have a stockpile of toilet paper. I can imagine some young niece going through my house when I’m gone and saying, “OMG, why did she have so much toilet paper?”
Oh I am absolutely my-grandmother-with-her-heap-of-empty-Cool-Whip-containers-and-pile-of-used-tin-foil about toilet paper, and I plan to be FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I have a giant commercial 80-pack in the attic! (Also, I have questions about how my grandparents and all the other grandparents ATE SO MUCH COOL WHIP. Cool Whip is delicious! But I go through life absolutely not restricting Cool Whip consumption, and there is no way I’d have such a pile of containers even if I saved them all! I suppose it was a major ingredient in all those jello salads.)
Lol, I do love Cool Whip! If I kept every yogurt container in this house, I would have an entire room full of yogurt containers! But yes, I think we are ALL going to be keeping giant packs of toilet paper JUST IN CASE.
Swistle, that made me laugh so hard! The jello salads!
I know someone like that, but with margarine containers instead of Cool Whip! You know, I have been thinking about donating my wedding dress. It still looks great! It’s a simple sheath dress so never out of style. I inherited my grandma’s wedding dress and I hung onto it for years – then donated it when we moved. I mean, what was I possibly going to do with it? She was like 5’2″ when she got married and tiny, so there was no way I could fit into it even if I wanted to wear a wedding dress from the 1930s.
I still do keep a VERY healthy stockpile of toilet paper too! I don’t go less than 12 rolls per floor.
It was an emotional thing to donate my wedding dress, but my husband was supportive and that made it easier. Once it was gone, it was like a burden had been lifted – and it gave me a nice chunk of space in the closet! Space for a stack of toilet paper!
Hahahah!!! I wonder if I should do it!
I am terrible with this and candles. Like, what even is a candle FOR if not to BURN? Happy birthday to your baby– twenty years seems like a big milestone for you and him 🙂
It is a milestone for sure! Thank you!
My MIL passed away in May, and my FIL in March 2024. They still lived in their 2400 square foot house with a full three car garage, and wow. It has been a major job for my husband and brother to get through, and so much of the stuff hasn’t seen the light of day for decades. It’s really very sad, all of it. I continue to declutter my own house as a result, and tell everyone to just take the trip, do the thing you always wanted to do, and try, TRY not to worry so much. It won’t help anything. (This is must tell myself daily!) 🙂
See, that is a VERY good mantra! Worry gets us nowhere, there will never be a time when we are younger than we are right now, so do the thing! Also, whew. I’m sorry about the big cleanup. That does sound like a major job.
I am so on the same page as you. I use everything that I have. I have no concept of saving things for special occasions. Every day is special! I have my mother’s “good” dishes.They are chipped here and there but have served countless big family gatherings and parties over the many decades. I think of her every time I put them on the table. Years ago my late MIL gave me a really pretty and unique candy dish. I thanked her and as we were preparing for a party I went to put some treats in it. She said, somewhat horrified “you aren’t going to use it are you?” Hmmm. I said ummm no guess not. That dish is still sitting in a cabinet somewhere and it’s never been used. I think I will get it out very soon!
Hahahah “you aren’t going to use it?” Lol! I guess that candy dish is doomed.
Someone asked me if I handwashed all the china and I was like, no. I mean, what’s going to happen? It’s going to fade a little, so what?
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. It’s so true. My mom’s basement is full of treasures that she never uses (we’re hoping to tackle that project this winter). But I’m like this too—the other day I was thinking about a candle I love. It sits on my table, and I only light it when we have company. I love the scent of it, and yet I only light it when I’m not truly appreciating it, because there are others in my home and I’m not paying attention. I want to light the candles! Why am I not??
I love your china, and I’m glad you pulled the Ferrari out. 💜
I hope you light those candles! Today is a special day – every day is a special day!
I did! That’s so funny- I just lit it right before I saw this comment. 💜
Well, you know this post was going to strike a chord with me.
And my parents DO have cellophane over some of their lamp shades (I forgot to mention that in my post). And their tables are always covered with wipeable tablecloths and placemats!
I think sometimes we really do just forget to use the nice things. We’re so accustomed to “saving” and “preserving”…it actually takes a pretty big mental shift to remember that nice things are meant to be used.
Although, to be fair, there is a balance when you have young kids. I have some lovely local pottery bowls I like, but I don’t use them much because I KNEW they would get broken if I had them out with the kids when they were little. The shame in this story is now they’re older and likely wouldn’t break them…but I rarely pull them out. Guess what my goal is for this coming week? Use the pottery bowls!
Yes, that is a SOLID point. Young kids can be kind of accidentally destructive. Also, Rex. That tail is a weapon, let me tell you, one wag and the coffee table is cleared off!
HI NICOLE!!
I loved Sandwich, too. I finished it, went to my computer, and had copies sent to three friends. So good and perimenopausey!!
It’s so good, Swistle, and her new one is coming out next month!!!
I am with you on using the nice things NOW. After my grandma died in 2019 one of things I got was a set of glass plates given to my grandparents when they got married in 1947. Deciding to use these breakable nearly 80 year old plates daily was a conscious decision and yeah, I don’t give them to the kids for safety reasons (5,3,and 1) my husband and I use them all the time. One has broken, but five are in use and they bring me joy every time I use them and think about my grandparents. They’d be safer in a box in the basement, but they’re meant to be used, and I get so much more family connection out of actually using them than I would finding them again in X years!
Maria! I love that! I love that they bring you joy with each use – what a wonderful way to honour your grandparents. That’s so beautiful, thank you for sharing!
We moved out of our 4 bedroom colonial (lived there 38 years) to a smaller 3 bedroom ranch. I started decluttering a couple years prior to moving since I knew we couldn’t keep it all. There is only one thing that I had to replace (a bundt pan) out of all those trips to thrifty shopper. I am still decluttering because I don’t want our kids to have to do so much when we wake up on the other side of the grass.
Omg, that baby smile pic 3 (it’s been a while since I pulled out the heart bum).
The house my husband grew up in had a ‘living room’ with plush white carpet that no one ever went in but the dog – honestly by the time I got there no one resented it, the little doggy footprints in the pile of the carpet were adorable. My grandparents fled Poland during the war, so I have a tablecloth from them (which is on my table right now) and my mom has a wooden spoon, but I have Matt’s Nana’s china, and we use it all the time. Anything that we’ve stopped using, we get rid of. I don’t worry a whole lot about what will happen to my stuff when I die, other than trying not to accumulate plastic crap that will clog up the landfill – I hope most of it will be used and loved by other people.
I just gave Sandwich as a birthday gift on Saturday!
WHITE CARPET OMG. That gives me a stressy feeling! But so cute to have doggy pawprints.
I didn’t know your grandparents fled Poland, I had no idea! What a treasure that tablecloth is.
I’m in the process of decluttering my house, and your son is right. Once I get rid of something, even things that I really debated and worried about, I do not miss them. It’s just a relief to have them gone.
While I was going through my kitchen drawers, I found some wooden salad serving spoons a friend bought for us in Africa that we have never used because I don’t want to ruin them, and a silver plated lasagne server that we received from my great aunt as a wedding gift that we have never used because we don’t eat lasagna. I was considering getting rid of them, but my husband gave me another option. Use them. I love that man. So we’re using the salad spoons, and so far they are holding up absolutely fine. I haven’t managed to use the lasagne server yet, but next time we need a spatula to serve, it will come out.
Use them! Yes! Is a lasagne server like a pie server? I’m trying to picture it. Maybe I should google it!
He is right – I don’t even remember half the stuff we got rid of!
My parents sold their city apartment last year, and we helped them get rid of heaps so they could fit what they wanted to keep in their house at the beach. My siblings and I all took a few things that we wanted (dad sent a very expensive painting our way because they had nowhere to hang it, and he didn’t think it would go in my siblings’ places). We also packed up a box of things for E and his fiancée. A lot of things went to the op shop or to the tip. I was really glad that they sold the apartment because I did not want to have to pack up two houses after they died. My dad, at one point before the sale, said they probably wouldn’t sell because Mum couldn’t face packing everything up, and they would just leave it for us kids to do. Hmmmm. That’s why I went in and spent a few days helping her. I’d bring things down from the cupboards and get her to make a decision right then. I’m sure they’re relieved too.
I stay pretty minimalist, and moving house after the kids were finished with all their toys, crafts, etc, allowed us to clear out a lot of things. I don’t really have anything that I keep for good.
“They would just leave it for the kids to do” – DAD NO
I’m glad they did go through with it because that is a LOT of work! Holy moley. Good for you for helping out!
I think you nailed it, why some people hold onto things more than others, because of preciousness of them when they got them. now with abundant of things, we value them less. Also, I think the more often one moves, the more we realize how little things matter, things can be replaced, memories cannot, but memories will always be here without the things.
I look forward to read wrack too.
Oh yes, Coco, you’ve moved a lot and I think that is the magic key – no one wants to move useless stuff! You’re right, things can be replaced but not memories.
This resonated with me. I’ve started using more of the prettier things I own in an effort not to “save them”. My favourite wall “whale” plate has become a regular in my morning routine, as well, the matching ship and leviathan tea cups from Anthropologie have come out of special occasion retirement! My favourite things though are more often than not becoming moments and not things at all. I want to take in more experiences! On the weekend we had a very foggy morning and I took my tea and devotional book outside and sat in the backyard enjoying every minute of it. I’m starting to edit my life to get it down to what really matters. Connecting with people I love, eating good food, enjoying all the beauty my life affords. We have today to live and I want to live it. Shoot the works!
“Edit my life to get down to what really matters” – Elise! This says it all! Me too! I love this for us. Editing our lives and using the good things. We should enjoy all the beauty our lives afford, I want to print this comment out and read it daily.
Fascinating how the idea of not keeping things can be as disruptive as the idea of keeping things. I like stuff, but I also am a pragmatist who made the mistake of accepting lots of heirlooms from relatives. And here’s my reality: it’s difficult to find a way to get rid of them. I’ve been unloading furniture and household items for years, giving most of it to charities. But now I’m down to the stuff with financial value and finding a buyer is crazy-making. Coins, antique jewelry, china, silver, quilts, leather-bound books— those items are still here weighing on me with no one to blame than myself.
Ally, I hear you. I have also done that – accepted things I didn’t really want and then it is a WHOLE THING. I haven’t sold anything or tried to but I can see how that would be incredibly difficult. Good luck with it all, my friend!
This is so amazing. My parents (in Russia) were savers- with everything. They mended clothes, they fixed things. Different times indeed. When I went to Russia this past summer, my mom had some “things” for me that she hoped I can bring back. Me: I’m sorry mom, I love you, mom, but no.
Tony’s grandma sends him back with boxes or two of stuff each time he visits and, I’m sorry to say, it goes right to Good Will down the road.
I am also sooort of a minimalist, for myself, surely, but also for my kids. I don’t want them digging through my stuff and feeling guilty.
But I also see Ally Bean’s point about being a pragmatist.
Daria, you are so smart to just immediately donate the stuff – unless there is a significant sentimental value for Tony, it’s just going to be stored uselessly at your house! Your way of dealing with it is so smart.
I’ve had to deal with the house clean out process for family members who have passed away and, you know, so many possessions are thrown out or donated. The only memento I’ve kept from my grandparents is their old Bibles since they have their notes written in the margins. But, like, those Bibles just live in a shelf in my closet. I never actually take them out and look at them! So I need to figure out some other way to preserve them, maybe.
I am not a very sentimental person so it’s easy for me to get rid of things. If I don’t have a need for it, it gets donated. If I wear something that doesn’t make me feel GREAT, it’s donated. I don’t have any fine china or stuff like that, that I’m scared to use. But yes, let’s use it and ENJOY it while we have it.
Stephany, I love your attitude!!! It’s so refreshing – just to get rid of stuff you don’t love and doesn’t make you feel great!
Happy birthday to your baby!
I finally got on board with this, Using All The Stuff, about ten years ago. I joke about wanting my house to look like no one lives there (I do keep it tidy), but everything in our house gets used and abused! The good plates, the good glasses, the expensive candles—all of it!
I’ve heard about Sandwich before, and I’m adding it to my wish list for one of my next reads.
You are NOT THE CRYPT KEEPER. Stop it. Like you, I earned every single laugh line, and I will earn more in the future if the good lord allows.
Thanks Suz! You are right – and my husband gave me what-for for my usage of crypt keeper as well! We did earn those laugh lines, many more to come!
After my in laws passed away, we had to go through their stuff, and they had a whole house full pristine things. And a lot of it was not useful – not that it was in bad shape, but rather it was so outdated that there was no use for it. Anyhow, there are certainly times now when my barometer for keeping something is, “Do I want my kids to have to deal with this when I die?”
I don’t have a lot of nice things, but I do have a ridiculous collection of potato chips that I can’t bring myself to eat because they are limited edition flavors and I think if I eat them, I’ll never get to taste them again. Though of course I’m not tasting them now.
OMG Diane! Eat the chips before they go stale! Although I love this about you – you are the only person to “save” chips! I love potato chips but I never try those “new” flavours – maybe I should start!
I’m reminded of a book I read years ago about letting things go. There was an anecdote about a couple who had just moved, at a dinner party, and the wife mentions that she got rid of a lot of things when they moved. Her husband, who is a “keeper of things,” is horrified and asks what she got rid of. The wife says calmly, “What are you missing?” And he can’t name anything.
I’m not actually suggesting getting rid of other people’s things, but if I have something in a box in the closet, I easily forget what’s there. I need to do some looking and make some decisions. I sometimes find it hard to let go, but I tell myself that passing things on to people who can use them is good, and if I recycle that pile of paperwork I really don’t need, the space I clear is a gift to myself.
Oh that’s so interesting! I am the same way, if it’s out of sight it’s out of mind – and do I really need it if I can’t remember it?
Fabulous post, Nicole, and the comments are gold! That line about “pulling the Ferrari out of the garage” will stick with me.
I’m a die-hard minimalist, you’d think we were mid-move if you stepped into our apartment. Everything must be used or it’s out.
Yet somehow, I save things for “special occasions” that never come. Your post is the perfect reminder: sometimes, you just have to pull the Ferrari out and enjoy the ride.
Thanks Catrina! I hope you do pull it out of the garage! I imagine you as a minimalist for sure – it makes for neat living!
We were driving home yesterday (from yet another out of town week-long commitment) and I told my husband about how much I loved “pulling the Ferrari out of the garage” phrase and its effect on me! I was a minimalist for a long time but for some reason, stuff just caught up with me, and I’m surrounded by stuff….and the Ferraris get overlooked/undervalued. Sigh….
Happy birthday to your son! Oh, those pictures are adorable — specially the one where he’s gazing adorably at you!
Oh thank you M!
I think it’s time for you to start driving the metaphorical Ferrari!
I love the third photo of you and your son. So happy! As you know, I have basically nothing and don’t need much. I have found it very freeing. However, I have a family full of hoarders and some of them are worse than others. My grandma’s place is going to be very hard to clean out. My parents also have a lot of stuff but are trying to whittle some of it down but there are paintings done by relatives and many, many things made by hand by either my parents themselves or someone close. Those are the hardest to get rid of, or keep, if you decide to! When I moved into my last house, I barely bought anything. I just pilfered items from all of my hoarder friends and family and I had an entire home set!
My husband literally asked me how many of my friends would be true minimalists, and I said “Well, my friend Kyria sold her house and everything in it and now lives out of a backpack.” He’s like, yeah, that’s legit minimalism.
I don’t know if you read David Sedaris, but he describes his late father’s home, and it was SO upsetting. He was a hoarder and that sounds absolutely terrible to deal with.
I have read Sedaris and his stories about his Dad. Yeah, it would be (and will be!) hard for sure! I am a minimalist, but in all honesty I do have some boxes (and two bikes!) in my parents’ basement, so I am not quite down to just one backpack. I have about 20 cases of wine too, which I refused to get rid of. #priorities! However, I have a special occasion every day when I am home, and am working my way through them.
Oh well, I can totally understand the wine! I don’t have 20 cases but I definitely have several, and I just feel like it is an important part of my household!
We’re currently in the process of thinking about what to do with my MIL’s possessions in her house and I’ve been going through a lot of the same thoughts that you shared here. In the end, it’s just a bunch of “stuff”, with few pieces that might be valuable to someone. I am a big advocate of using stuff, not saving it for special occasion, because what’s the point?
My (late) best friend’s mom shared with me recently that she’s also switched to decluttering mode after my friend died this summer and that she feels like she doesn’t want to leave all the things for someone else to clean up when she is no longer here.
Sigh. Heavy feelings, but also good and cleansing, in a way?
Yes I think you’re right – they are heavy but cleansing. We all have so much stuff!
I think about this a lot – no spouse, no kids, no one is going to care about my stuff when I die. So, I’m working on getting rid of things that don’t bring joy. Fortunately, I no longer have silver or china (my ex got to deal with those post divorce, which I was totally fine with). If I did have them? I’d be in the USE THEM camp. Totally. Why keep something useful if you don’t use it for its intended purpose? So yes, drive the dang Ferrari, Nicole. And wear a scarf while doing so – you’ll look fabulous, as always. 🙂
You are SO kind, Anne, thank you!
But yes, it’s definitely a concern of mine…where will all our stuff go?
