A little while ago, an article was circulating entitled “Why do friends with kids never have time?”, all about stay at home moms and what they do all day. I agreed with the article’s general sentiment but thought it was a bit mean spirited and maybe even a little self-righteous. I mean, really, unless you are actually at home with kids, you probably don’t know what that entails. And that’s okay. So here is my day, today. Now get ready, it’s pretty glamourous.

5:30 – Yoga: my favourite part of the day.

7:00 – Prepare, eat, and clean up after breakfast. Shower, do laundry, “encourage” boys to get dressed, etc., while I wonder what to do with all the new layers my hair seems to be in. Read “Magic School Bus Takes a Moonwalk” and wonder if Neil Armstrong actually did walk on the moon, or are the conspiracy theorists correct?

9:15 – Take the boys grocery shopping to Superstore. Good Lord. Stand in line behind the least efficient shopper ever, and try to think nice thoughts.

10:45 – Unload massive amounts of groceries.

11:00 – Check email and think, not for the first time, that my idea of getting involved by volunteering to be soccer coordinator was very, very ill thought out.

11:30 – Prepare, eat, and clean up after lunch.

12:00 – Make two giant batches of muffins for snack at the preschool tomorrow, as well as mini-muffins for today. While they are baking, I accomplish the following tasks: folding laundry, being the “crew chief” for the game “race cars” in which the boys run laps around the house making loud engine noises, wash dishes (again), supervise and help out with five different craft projects, one of which is a disastrous effort with glitter glue, and mediate the debate “Resolved: Scooby Doo’s real name is Scooby Dooby Doo”.

1:30 – Cut back some perennials in the yard and remove a bit of leaf mulch, with helpers. Helpers scatter debris all over yard, attempt to rake it up independently, and as a result the dog is covered in leaf mulch, dead grass, and twigs.

2:30 – Snack time! Prepare and clean up snack. I think I see a pattern emerging. Slice up two pounds of strawberries while listening to two very long, very detailed stories that are overlapping but not really making sense. Brush the dog and vacuum up immense amounts of leaf mulch, dead grass, and twigs.

3:00 – Help Jake build a fort under the coffee table. He and Mark start a strange and disturbing game in which one of their stuffed dogs is being held prisoner. A whole lot of pipe cleaners are involved. I play the piano for a bit to regroup a little.

4:00 – Start dinner preparations. Life would be so much easier if I had a personal chef. If ever I become extraordinarily rich, that is what I would get.

5:00 – Dinner. I’m all ready for retirement. Dinner at five. Guess what? Dishes!

6:15 – Rob arrives home and I make a break for it, taking the dog for a walk. Ah, my little canine friend. I love him so. Come home in time for bedtime snacks (sheesh, kids eat a lot), stories, bath and bed.

7:30 – Drink wine and write down this list. Now, it’s off to watch Hell’s Kitchen and fall asleep before 9:30! The glamour! The intrigue! And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.