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Actually, I prefer the term "Big Fat Whore"
March 25, 2010 Beauty and body

After I posted the pictures of my sad little flat cake, a friend suggested I cut it in half and make a mini layer cake out of it, which struck me, quite frankly, as brilliant. It worked perfectly, although Jake and I went a little crazy with the confetti sprinkles.

Don’t I look relieved? The cake isn’t ruined after all.


Mark loved it.
I rarely read any of those “Fame Baby” articles, mostly because I couldn’t care less about what Suri Cruise is wearing these days or what kind of stroller some celebrity I vaguely recognize purchased. However, I was drawn to a blurb about the Brady/Bundchen baby, mainly because my husband is a New England Patriots fan, meaning that to maintain marital harmony I am as well, and although Tom Brady is a little young for my tastes he sure is a tasty slice of rye.

I immediately wished I hadn’t been so eager to see #12 because the latter half of the blurb focused on the return of Giselle Bundchen’s glorious figure mere months after giving birth. Giselle herself was quoted as follows, “I think a lot of people get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals. I was mindful of what I ate and only gained 30 pounds.”

I felt about this comment the same way I feel when someone boasts about their six week old baby sleeping through the night, or their child who eats everything set in front of him, or their toddler who was toilet trained at eighteen months: that is, efforts in that direction are helpful, but there is some kind of underlying genetic code that makes this possible. If your newborn sleeps through the night, that does not necessarily mean that it is because of your superior parenting skills – although you may have superior parenting skills, don’t get me wrong – but it is more to do with your individual child than anything else. The implication to Giselle’s comment is that if we all weren’t such disgusting garbage disposals, perhaps we too could be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, which is, of course, not possible. I am not denying that I actually was a garbage disposal during my first pregnancy: you do not gain as much junk in the trunk as I did without some serious gorging. However, not counting my gross Cheez Whiz on toast addiction during my second pregnancy, I did watch what I ate and I did gain only 32 pounds, which was significantly, significantly less than my first, and even still I was not a contender for a Victoria’s Secret spread. That is because I am not Giselle Bundchen. I could put all my best efforts into it and there is no way that I could ever become a supermodel.

Do you know what I’m saying here? Mindful eating is a huge part of maintaining your figure before and after childbirth, yes, of course. But boasting about your amazing willpower without laying any credit on personal genetics, not to mention the childcare, personal chefs, nutritionists, and trainers available to someone of Giselle Bundchen’s income bracket is not helpful to the rest of us.

I eat sweets very rarely, I eat desserts even less, for a variety of reasons, not all of them to do with weight. After I read this blurb I enjoyed a delicious slice of Mark’s birthday cake. And I was mindful of every bite.

"5" Comments
  1. I wonder if miss Giselle also had a tummy tuck section?

  2. I totally agree. And I think with the Giselle Quotes we’re accumulating, it’s increasingly clear that she lacks the genes that would have given her (1) tact, (2) introspection, or (3) the sense God gave a slice of Swiss cheese.

  3. One can never have too many confetti sprinkles.

    The more I read about Giselle (and frankly I try to avoid reading about her) the less I like her. I gained 70+ pounds with each pregnancy. Most of that was because I was on insulin and processed it too quickly so I would go into hypoglycemia so I had to eat to raise my sugar levels back up blah, blah, blah. The dietitians actually had me on a schedule where I had to eat 6 full meals a day (including one at 3am). It was nuts. And any time I hear garbage from models about how they only gained 25 or 30 pounds when pregnant and all they needed was some will power I feel like punching them out.

  4. A Venti Carmel Machiato and a bear claw everyday ….. that is not garbage! BUT it is largely responsible for my 50+ lb weight gain. Now at 5 ft tall that is 10+ lbs per foot. Yup. Giselle may have graced the pages of SI but her ‘people’ would NEVER has had the insight to tell her to make a layer cake … just sayin

  5. Giselle needs to read the post Beck just put up written by Mad.

    Pretty cake!

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