Category Archives: I almost failed Home Ec

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Cleaning Items That Are The Real Heroes Of The Pandemic Edition

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I think we can all agree that household chores have taken on new importance during this pandemic. I like to have a clean and tidy home and that has been amplified by being at home all the time.

It’s interesting to me, how different we all are in terms of cleaning preferences: not just products, but also methods. My mom, for example, was a Spring Cleaning kind of person, who would literally clean the house from top to bottom over a 24-hour period, not just in spring but several times a year. She kept a very clean house, and there was always one day a week that was Cleaning Day. I am more of a Short Bursts of Energy kind of person, wherein I like to do one or two things each day, rather than set aside a whole day or weekend.

When I was first married, my mother-in-law told me that HER mother-in-law used to wash the walls monthly. Every single month, she would take everything off the walls, move the furniture, and wash them. My mother-in-law said, in a very well meaning way, “That’s just not necessary! Every month. Once every three to four months is plenty!” I remember smiling and nodding and thinking every three to four months? To this day, I think I’ve washed the walls a) when we’ve repainted, and not always then, and b) when we were first in lockdown and I was bored. I spot-wash the walls when they look grubby but other than that? No.

In general I spend between 10 and 30 minutes a day doing household chores, depending on the day and not including the kitchen. The kitchen, really, is its own entity. I spend so much time cooking and preparing food, and I am a clean-as-you-go kind of person, and so much more time is spent doing dishes and wiping down countertops. If I add that time up, I will become depressed, so I am not going to do that.

One thing I will NOT do as an adult is dry dishes. That was one of my chores as a child and to this day I cannot stand it. If no one is home to dry them, I pile everything into the drying rack and allow them to air dry; the only exception is if I have wine glasses or the coffee pot in the drying rack and I am trying to fit something heavy in there, like pots and pans. I will not risk the life of my coffee pot, and hence the life of my family, and so I will dry it with a feeling of being under extreme duress.

Anyway, 10-30 minutes a day of small things adds up, especially because my house is not very big and I am very fortunate to live with three pretty neat and tidy guys. They do the post-dinner cleanup on weekends, the boys keep their rooms neat and clean, and they are all good at putting dishes away and emptying the dishwasher and not doing gross boy things like peeing on the toilet seat. Don’t get me wrong; I am not sure at what point anyone would actually wash the dishes in the sink without being asked specifically, and no one has EVER cleaned the bathroom without specific instructions, or emptied the bathroom wastepaper basket, and there is constantly an empty juice container squished and left on the kitchen island when the recycling bin is literally fifteen steps away and everyone passes it every time they go downstairs, not that I’m bitter. In general, my cleaning time is mostly spent in the bathroom and also dealing with the floor; at this time of year it is generally covered in paw prints.

This month’s Favourite Things was inspired by Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) and her Chores Chat, where I discovered I am LITERALLY fascinated by other people’s housework methodologies and cleaning products.

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Cleaning Items That Are The Real Heroes Of The Pandemic Edition

Roomba

I cannot say enough about my Roomba. I actually have two Roombas; one on the main floor and one downstairs. I am not in the least exaggerating when I say that getting a Roomba was Life Changing. I mean, I can go about my day while a robot cleans my floors, what could possibly be better than that, cleaning-wise? A ROBOT IS CLEANING MY FLOORS.

Go, Roomba, go! I believe in you!

White Vinegar

I am going to confess something here: I am a little bit of a hippie when it comes to cleaning products. While we do have some chemical products – for example, toilet bowl cleaners, I am not a monster – I like to be as natural as possible. I know, it’s weird to say that during a pandemic, but here we are.

I love white vinegar and use it diluted for washing mirrors, windows, glass shower doors, and the hardwood floors. As a result, my house often smells like a pickle factory, but hey, it works. It’s a potpourri, really: vinegar, delicious baking, and elderly dog. Maybe I should market it: Nicole’s Home Fragrance.

I buy the STORE BRAND because, Scottish.

Swedish Dish Cloths

Another confession: I was almost thirty when I realized that people use paper towels for cleaning. I honest to god thought that those commercials showing people using paper towels to clean up spills were just commercials; I didn’t know anyone who used them that way. I know! I know. I was brought up in a house in which spills – and everything else – were cleaned up using rags that were kept under the kitchen sink, and so my house has rags kept under the kitchen sink; rags, by the way, that I have made out of old receiving blankets, pajamas, and towels. Between that and the vinegar I’m practically Ma Ingalls.

However, someone had mentioned Swedish dish cloths to me, which are like a reusable paper towel. I ordered some and yes, I keep them under the sink. They are pretty and cute, and they work great for cleaning the sink and stovetop, and buffing fingerprints off the stainless steel appliances. I still mostly use rags for everything else though.

My Mother-in-Law’s Dish Cloths

My mother-in-law knits these dish cloths and is extremely generous with them. She can whip off one in an hour or less, and she has literal drawers full of them, so I help myself whenever I visit. As a result, this is in my hall cupboard:

These are my EXTRAS, for when my current kitchen stash wear out and become, in the Circle of Life, under-the-sink rags. I have enough to last me until I’m in the Home. Or dead. My great-grandchildren will be divvying them up amongst themselves and wondering why Great Grandma had so many dish cloths. Anyway, these are great for washing dishes – which I spend an alarming amount of time doing – and also wiping down the kitchen countertops – ditto.

Method Cleaning Products

These hippie products smell good and work well. I use the blue one for the bathroom sink and toilet, the granite cleaner mostly for the bathroom granite but sometimes for the kitchen when I’m feeling fancy, and the antibacterial one for the kitchen sink.

Scrubbing Bubbles

I quick-clean the bathroom every other day with vinegar and Method, but once a week I give it a thorough cleaning: scrubbing the shower tiles and floor. We have two bathrooms in the house and the main floor one is heavily utilized. Twenty-eight showers a week – at minimum – means that the main floor shower gets quite a soap scum and hard water buildup that really, no amount of diluted vinegar and hippie cleaning products are going to touch. I love Scrubbing Bubbles for that purpose; this is the only bathroom cleaner whose smell I can stand. It’s fresh and clean smelling, and it really works.

Plus, I like to imagine a the bubbles actually looking like that, in a world we cannot see, scrubbing away happily.

Weiman Stainless Steel Cleaner

Anyone that has stainless steel appliances knows the bane of their existence, fingerprints and smudges. My mom told me about this and WOW, does it ever work. I have tried every hippie method known to man – coconut oil, vinegar, praying to the cleaning gods – and nothing has worked like this.

Caveat: be careful when spraying it on the appliances, because if you get it on the floor it is VERY slippery. Be warned! Also, admire my shiny fridge!

Feel free to share your favourite cleaning hacks, products, and methods. Or, don’t! If cleaning is not your jam, don’t worry, next week we will delve into another favourite topic: Costco. Until then, my friends! xo

A Year of Wonders; Fifty-Two Weeks In

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I am absolutely a person who thrives on routine and ritual, and exactly one year ago my daily routines and rituals, like everyone else’s, were disrupted and destroyed. After a few weeks of muddling about, I created new routines and rituals that I have kept to this day. I wake very early in the morning, the only time the house is quiet and mine alone, I drink some coffee and read and write for half an hour, and then I select a poem to read. I read my poem and do my yoga practice, and that is how I start my day.

The very first poem I read when I began this ritual was this one, by Mary Oliver.

I read that poem and then, as I practiced, I watched the sky change from pitch black to inky blue, lightening into morning. This past week, pre-time change*, seeing that same change of darkness opening into morning as I do my yoga practice, reminds me more than anything else of last March. It is as if watching the sky change at that exact time is now imprinted on my soul and forever will be, and will always remind me of the time when the world changed.

When I think about March 2020, I remember it as a time of cold and darkness. I remember the feeling of disbelief, fear, panic, and, above all, despair. I remember lining up in the cold grey parking lot to get groceries, I remember the apocalyptically-empty shelves at the grocery store, I remember trying to manage the household with suddenly everyone at home all the time. If anyone had told me then that the pandemic would last as long as it has lasted, with time yet to go, I would have simply curled into a ball and cried, I would have not been able to go on.

But here we are! Look at what we have done! We have made it a year, and we can keep going! We have been running our houses and caring for our families and working and supervising our children’s education all under the strangest and most stressful of circumstances, and WE ARE HERE. Things may be far from ideal, mistakes have been made, sometimes we feel like we are failing, but WE ARE HERE. I know so many people who have been knocked down, over and over, and have dusted themselves off and gotten back up; I know people who have switched careers, who have adapted to and thrived in new circumstances, who are homeschooling their children, who are all doing and learning new things, and WE ARE HERE. I am so proud of all of us and everything we have accomplished.

After our second lockdown, in December, I fretted to my friend Nicole (HI NICOLE) about all the new measures, and what if all these measures didn’t work? She said, soothingly, that we can just do what we can do, the rest is out of our control. So true. If this pandemic has taught me anything, it is that life is like the Serenity Prayer: we need to accept the things we cannot change, have courage to change the things we can, and have wisdom to know the difference. I am not a front-line worker, I do not provide an essential service, I am not a scientist working on vaccines. All I can do is wear my mask, distance from people, and avoid travel and gatherings. I am a teeny tiny cog in the giant wheel of life, and yet collectively, collectively we are all actually making a difference. My efforts are small in the singular, but put together with all of YOUR efforts, they are significant.

We have all just tried to figure things out. Last spring, I had many well-meaning friends share what probably helped them get through the days, but were soul-crushing to me: friends who gave suggestions about disinfecting my groceries, for example, or friends who suggested digging out my flower gardens to plant vegetables for anticipated food shortages. Those suggestions, well-meant as they were, were not good for my mental state. At the time, thinking ahead more than one day at a time, or one week at a time, propelled me into a sadness spiral. Even now, if I think about the economic and financial ruin, whole industries devastated – restaurants, travel – not to mention the loss of so many lives, well. I cannot think about it. I have to keep myself going and so I keep my focus on the day to day. I don’t read the news anymore, I have scaled back hard on social media, and I remind myself that there is nothing wrong with being in the now. In fact, the pandemic has made me more mindful about living in the present; I think to the week ahead and no more, not really.

I do imagine that at some point in the future, I will be able to travel again, and I hope I will never take that for granted. In the future, I hope that I will be always grateful to share a meal with friends or hug someone. Right now I am grateful every single day for the schools, every day that the kids are at school is a boon. I hope that I never take any of those things for granted, for the rest of my life.

My initial reaction to March 2020 is, as I say, the feeling of cold and dark, but as I think of it more, I remember some really wonderful things. I remember the massive amounts of sidewalk chalk art as I walked through the neighbourhood. I remember people putting signs in their windows for children to look at. I remember how it felt when the sun came out, and the snow started to melt, and how we were all pulling together to support each other. It felt like spring, it felt like hope.

*Time change, can you believe we are still doing this? I mean, have we not been through enough?

Outfit of the Week

I have walked every single day of this pandemic, regardless of weather, and so it seems fitting that this week’s outfit is a walking one.

It’s continued to be mild and so last week’s light puffy coat is making an appearance, along with boots, and my very favourite bum warmer from My Cozy Buns.

Here’s what’s under all the outerwear (bonus Barkley photo): a decade-old sweater from Jacob that I still love, yoga tights, and the longest warm socks you have ever seen. Comfortable and warm, and perfect for walking and also lounging.

Pandemic Reading

No one can accuse me of not reading a wide variety of genres this week.

First of all, a shout-out to my librarian cousin Karen (HI KAREN), who sent me this book with the request that I drop it off in a little free library after I finished; she had put a bookmark with a sweet note in it as well, which made me want to put little notes in every LFL book.

Isn’t that sweet? Anyway, about the book: it is a compelling, uncomfortable, well-written, unsettling book that is about a fictional dystopian world of injustice and inequality, that does not actually feel very fictional. It leaves the reader with a tiny glimmer of hope.

I really love Malcolm Gladwell and this is probably my favourite of his books. It was a reread for me but well worth it. It’s all about success and the myth of meritocracies, and how we all – whether we know or acknowledge it – are products of our environment, legacies, and lucky breaks.

I don’t always read historical fiction…but when I do I like it to be juicy and scandalous. HOO BOY. This was juicy. The woman in question was, like Wallis, an American; in fact, she was the twin sister of Gloria Vanderbilt the senior. She was also married to a British peer who knew and kind of sanctioned the whole affair. It’s QUITE the story.

I decided to read this on the exact anniversary of the lockdown, which for us was Saturday. I had read this book when it first came out, probably twenty years ago, for a book club. Reader alert: it’s a little gross. I mean, it deals with the bubonic plague, and there are descriptions about the bubonic plague, so be warned. Anyway, it’s a fictional account of a true story about a village in England that quarantined itself during the Great Plague of London in 1665-66. It’s an interesting read about how people respond in a crisis not that we would know anything about that, would we??? The ending is great, some of the book drags for me, but overall decent.


I’m planning to restart my running routine after a winter hiatus in the next week or two, so I picked up this book that I received as a Christmas gift. It reads like a blog, probably because it was based on a blog. The author is the head instructor at Peloton, and her positive energy and inspiring words shine through. I don’t think there are any great or new revelations here, but it’s a good manual for runners or people interested in becoming runners.

And Sunday was Pi Day! Did you celebrate? I personally loathe pie, but I love my guys, and so she’s my cherry pie.

Have a great week, friends, stay strong. xo

Shiny Happy Oven; Forty-Three Weeks In

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I know that it has been a crazy week but I have a very important update:

Let us all admire my gleaming, shiny oven!

Cleaning the oven led to one of those If You Give A Mouse A Cookie cleaning scenarios: I soaked the racks in the downstairs bathtub, which led to the scrubbing of said bathtub, which somehow led to the mopping of the downstairs tile, and then, since I had the mop and bucket out anyway, washing the floor of the back entry. Then, for no reason at all, I decided to move all the living room furniture to sweep under it, and, in conclusion, I am very happy my teaching schedule is picking up this week.

Every time I clean my oven I think, that wasn’t so bad, if I did it more often it would be so easy and then I make a resolution to clean it quarterly or at least every four months. Inevitably, years pass, and this same scenario repeats itself. I do have a self-clean function, but I do not use it. I used it once, naively, during the winter and I a) spent the entire time terrified that the oven would catch on fire and burn the house down, and b) the house smelled terrible for days. Never again! I vowed to use only elbow grease and some kind of crazy fume-free spray from that time forward.

Note: my mother-in-law got a new oven and it has a steam-clean function; the oven itself heats up to about 250 degrees with a pan of water inside, and it somehow cleans perfectly. I want that for my next oven, which, hopefully, is years away. My mom told me yesterday that the average age of appliances before they die is seven years, and we bought this oven in 2012, so hopefully I didn’t just jinx myself.

Another note about my mother-in-law: she still has the chest freezer from when she got married in 1962 AND IT STILL WORKS. I mean, it probably sucks up vast amounts of energy resources but IT STILL WORKS. I find that remarkable.

One more note about my mother-in-law: as all of us canners know, it is impossible to buy lids right now. They are…just not available. Who knows when they will be? The last time I saw my mother-in-law, who is an avid canner, she told me that she had recently learned that lids can be reused. As long as they are not damaged in any way, they will still seal. When I expressed extreme skepticism about this, she took me to her pantry and showed me rows of preserves and tomatoes, all with perfectly sealed lids. “Wow,” I said, “I’ve thrown out a lot of lids.” She looked at me and said “I’ve been canning for sixty years, imagine how much money I’ve spent on lids that I’ve thrown in the garbage.” We both silently stared at her jars, contemplating this.

After that visit, I made jam with old lids and voila:

Perfectly sealed! I admit I was a bit worried but I thought that a) jam is a pretty low-risk item, and if they didn’t seal I would just refrigerate them, and b) I like to live dangerously.

As my friend Tora (HI TORA) said back in April, if we can take away one positive from this pandemic, it’s that we are learning new things and saving money.

Part of my New Year’s Mindfulness Resolution is to shop more mindfully, something that absolutely went out the window in 2020 as we all lost our minds in the grocery stores. I think my husband will leave me and my mother will disown me if I attempt another one year shopping challenge but this year, I am going to really try to be mindful about my clothes. I mean, you guys. I have so many clothes. I really do. My closet is literally bursting, but particularly with yoga clothes, sweaters, and boots. Those three items are ALWAYS the items I am attracted to when shopping and I really (probably) (maybe) don’t need more. This year I am going to really try to be mindful when shopping and, when tempted, before hitting “purchase” (because who is actually shopping in person these days, or ever?) I am going to “shop my closet.”

This is not to say that I won’t buy new things, because let’s face it, we all need some source of joy. But maybe, just MAYBE, I don’t need another pair of knee-high black boots. Maybe.

On that note, I introduce…

Outfit of the Week

I will not bore you all with an Outfit of the DAY, who has time for that, but I am going to choose my favourite outfit each week. I love clothes, and I think it’s important – even in a pandemic – to find joy in getting dressed every day, even if that day only involves working on that 1000-piece puzzle my mom gave me for Christmas. That puzzle, incidentally, has taken over our lives. It is our new master. We sit down to look for Just One Piece and then, hours later, look up from The Puzzle, bleary-eyed and completely disoriented.

This is a Friday outfit; underneath that super-cozy sweater is a yoga tank and long-sleeved tee, as I teach on Fridays. Yoga leggings are so comfortable but not quite warm enough on their own for January, so I have also added legwarmers, like the 80s girl I am.

Barkley approves.

Pandemic Reading

Do you want to read about a 54 year old unemployed copy editor who goes to Cuba and instantly falls in love with a 31 year old Cuban woman? Do you want to read about a 54 year old man getting drunk on rum and having sex with his 20 something colleague in the ladies room at a bar? Do you want to hear this self-described unattractive man speak disparagingly about those women’s appearances, including the term “puppy fat” and details about moles and moustaches? Then this is the book for you. There was a small interesting twist but not much of one. I eye rolled through much of this book. Pass.

Oh, this was good! A complex and wonderful book about women and choices, consequences and fresh starts. A woman in Jaipur, who left an abusive marriage at 17, is enjoying a life of renown as a henna artist and herbal healer. Things get complicated when her husband shows up with a sister she didn’t know she had! Includes a few recipes, a history of the caste system, and even a glossary of terms. Highly recommend, unless you’re a person who doesn’t believe that women have autonomy over their own bodies and should have the ability to make choices for themselves.

My friend Julie (HI JULIE) told me about this book; it’s a really incredible book about finding meaning in life, written by a man who survived four different concentration camps and all manner of horrible tortures. Choosing our own response and attitude to the situation we find ourselves in is the last of the freedoms, it is something that can never be taken away. Amazing book.

I ran my library stack right down to zero because my husband has been urging me to read this book for quite some time. It is a very incredible story of survival, but I am not an adventure story type of person, so I cannot say I enjoyed it. The whole time I was reading it, my Mom Voice kept popping up in my head: What are you DOING? GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW. Which is, of course, the point of the book.

The boys are back to in-class school this week; fingers crossed all goes well. Have a beautiful week, everyone! xo

Boyhouse Year In Review 2020

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WELL! I don’t think any of us could have possibly predicted the year that we just had, in any capacity. I would like to think that we will never take things for granted again: our health, our ability to travel, our friendships and family, but human nature being what it is, there will come a day when we probably will.

2020 was disastrous in so many ways, but I think that looking back on it, we can see massive change and growth, and, looking forward, glimmers of hope. I know that going through this year has made me re-evaluate many things, and I have realized that many things I felt I could never live without, I have.

So let us look back on the year that was absolutely unlike any year we have experienced, but that will surely be talked about and written about for decades to come.

Boyhouse Year In Review 2020

January

I was stressed out about juggling doctor, dentist, and orthodontist appointments for the boys – remember juggling things? – it was insanely cold and I went for a mall walk like an elderly person, and I got weirdly stressed out about getting a gel pedicure. I also – sob – complained about exam break and my son being home from school IMAGINE YOUR KIDS BEING HOME FROM SCHOOL FOR THREE WEEKS JUST IMAGINE LOLOLOLOLSOB.

January 2020 Nicole was such an innocent, and also I did not go for that gel pedicure.

February

I overheard a man at Walmart asking for extra-small condoms, I went to Math Night at the high school and was comparatively a hippie, I went to Costco on a Sunday afternoon for the first and last time and also baked a heart-shaped cake for dinner with friends, and I wore a different outfit every day in February.

All the outfits were pretty similar though.

March

I talked about how insidious jealousy is, although I freely admitted to being insanely jealous of my friends’ hair, I noticed people buying a LOT of toilet paper at Costco (cue ominous music), I really did try to fulfil my New Year’s Resolution of buying a bra but failed, we cancelled our trip to Mexico and I bought a lot of groceries, my son turned 16 and we had our first Pandemic Birthday, and I accidentally hoarded taco shells.

Everything shut down, including the yoga studio, and so I also started my home yoga practice. This was a huge change because nearly every day for thirteen years I went to the studio to practice in the early morning hours. School was also cancelled “indefinitely.”

April

In what can only be described as the Worst Timing Ever, my coffee maker started leaking, grocery shopping became a harrowing, soul-sucking quest and I started wearing a mask, my sons stopped shaving, I got my very first cloth mask and declared it to be the New Lipstick, I coloured my own hair for the first time in decades, and I cleaned and reorganized the hideous laundry area.

I also had a pandemic birthday and my friends brought me a gift while wearing dinosaur costumes and playing Danger Zone.

May

Some things started to open up, notably the orthodontist, which meant that I did NOT have to use toenail clippers to cut my son’s brace wires, we had a Pandemic Mother’s Day and I stressed out about baking powder, we visited my parents for the first time in months, I aired my grievances, big and small, and I was really on edge about grocery carts.

I also talked about pandemic beauty products.

June

Amid lots of worries, we celebrated Barkley’s birthday, we started to catch up on appointments as medical and dental offices opened, I gave myself a bikini wax and I learned some things are best left to the professionals, the renos were finished on our vacation home and so we went there for a little break and I thoroughly enjoyed the newly-flushing toilet, and I reminisced about Hammerman.

I also shared my hair styling tips, follow me for more great beauty advice.

July

I talked about the role of luck in life, I had lots of adventures, including one in which I learned how outhouses in the backcountry get emptied, I GOT A PELOTON AND IT HAS BEEN LIFE-CHANGING (and also practiced gratitude), and I talked about leaning in and out, yin and yang.

I also talked about sweat! Again, follow me for more fascinating and glamourous topics.

August

I finally watched Hamilton and also bleached my hands accidentally, someone called the cops on my son and his band, I realized after months of wearing shorts that the boys had vastly outgrown all their pants, we were on a vacation of sorts and I prepared for the boys to actually go back to actual physical school.

I also talked about my beloved herb garden.

September

The boys went back to school (!!!!!!), my son turned 15 and had a socially distanced birthday party, I marked six months since I had my hair cut and professionally coloured, I had the Lido Shuffle stuck in my head and I actually did get my hair cut and coloured.

Also, Barkley shared my passion for fall fruits.

October

My son finally (FINALLY OMG FINALLY) shaved off his pandemic moustache and I got excused from jury duty, we enjoyed incredible fall colours and for the first time ever I got to eat something at Thanksgiving dinner (that I made myself, but still), I had an adventure at Costco, and I talked about Mom Jeans and Dressy Sweatpants.

November

My husband declared himself the winner in the Halloween decoration war, it was the return of the Tiny Secret Festive Season and I finished my Christmas shopping, I had a small breakdown in the grocery store, I talked about Friluftsliv, and we got put on a mini-lockdown.

I also had fun – and THANK YOU ALL FOR WEIGHING IN – discussing Divisive Issues! That was probably my favourite post to write, and my favourite comment section of 2020.

December

Everything was fine, I got festively crazy, the mini-lockdown turned into a major lockdown which we are still in today, and we got a whole lot of snow.

I also talked about being a Linus’ blanket to someone else’s Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

As we wrap up 2020, I’m looking back at my goals for the year (I still didn’t buy a new bra) and looking forward to setting goals for a fresh new year. I learned a lot about myself this year, I grew as a person, so many things changed, there was much sadness and despair but also much happiness, beauty, gratitude, and time with my little family. (SO MUCH TIME WITH MY LITTLE FAMILY).

Thank you so much for coming along with me on my adventures during this strange year; I wish you so much joy and love for the New Year. Here’s to 2021! xoxoxo

Sometimes You’re The Charlie Brown Christmas Tree, Sometimes You’re Linus’ Blanket; Forty Weeks In

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I’ll Take Le Tits Now For $200, Alex

I love this time of year, for many reasons, but also because it’s Decorative Tin Season, Motherfuckers. I have a lovely assortment of festively decorative tins, and I love to fill them with once-a-year treats. Why don’t I have decorative tins for other times of year, when they clearly bring me joy? I don’t know.

Every time I open the fridge, I’m faced with this tin that is filled with peanut butter truffles:

And every time I open the fridge and see this tin, I get Sean Connery’s voice in my head. I’ll take Le Tits Now for $200, Alex. I get that voice in my head whenever I receive a Let It Snow-themed Christmas card, see a festive pajama set or decoration, or, god forbid, hear the song. Le Tits Now, Le Tits Now, Le Tits Now.

Hilariously, I have had several people tell me lately that when they try to access this blog from certain locations – work, mostly – that they get firewalled, and in some cases, the site is flagged as pornography. Let’s give them something to talk about.

Side note: imagine how disappointed a porn-seeker would be on being directed to this blog. Oooh, a GIRL in a BOY house. Let’s see…huh. There’s a lot about grocery shopping – ooh! Maybe it’s a produce stockboy storyline…no. No. She’s just literally buying groceries. And getting upset about people who don’t return their carts. Maybe on this next page…no. More groceries. Oooh, double up the D! No. No. She means Vitamin D.

I’m Not A Regular Mom, I’m A Cool Mom

At least a few times a week, I sassily tell the boys that, despite all appearances to the contrary, I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom. I also text them gifs to that effect, which they accept with weary resignation.

My older son was assigned the movie Mean Girls to watch for his Career and Life Management class – side note, why? When I was in grade 11 CALM I certainly was never assigned to watch movies. – and he burst out of his room with a startled look on his face.

“I didn’t know that was actually from something!” he said to me. “I thought you were just saying you were a cool mom.”

Me:

Is It Better To Burn Out Than To Fade Away, Asking For A Friend

Mean Girls notwithstanding, school-wise the last two weeks have been very intense for the boys. I found myself longing for the pre-high school days when December was an absolute shit-show and no academic work was attempted. Sure, they were hyped-up messes by the time they got home, but at least they weren’t completely burned out shells of their former selves. My younger son had a math test during the last period of the Friday before the break. My older son had a major Social Studies unit test the day before; both of them were basically the walking dead last week. I never was a fan of Pajama Day at school but now I’m remembering those days fondly.

I woke them up Friday morning by blasting One Day More; I can’t tell if they were happy about that or not.

We celebrated the end of school – after my younger son spent TWO HOURS after classes finished working on a project due THAT DAY THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL – as we usually do, with a viewing of Christmas vacation, snacks, and, in my case, boozy coffee.

Pandemic Feelings, Summarized

I did not click on any of these stories; I’d rather live with them in my imagination.

All It Needed Was A Little Love

One of my favourite Christmas TV moments is when Charlie Brown places a single ornament on his frail little tree, and, after he freaks out because he thinks he’s killed it, Linus wraps his blanket around the trunk. “It just needed a little love.” Then, magically, it grows branches and becomes a visually-perfect little tree.

I was talking about this to one of my yoga classes the other day, because it occurred to me that sometimes we are all Charlie Brown’s tree; just hanging in there, dropping needles like crazy, but still standing until someone hangs a metaphorical ornament on us, when we droop alarmingly. Do you feel like this too? Like, we’re fine, we’re fine, but then something happens that SHOULD feel festive but really feels like an anvil dropped on us, and that is IT. We are DONE.

In years past, I would have said that the ornament was a metaphor for all the obligations of the season; this year I think it is the feeling that we have to make the best of everything, making this the Best Home Christmas Ever in the face of much loss and sadness, in the season where we usually are frantically Seeing Everyone but this year we are Seeing No One.

And when we feel that droop, when we feel weighted down, we need a metaphorical Linus’ blanket to prop us up. What I want to tell you is that we are all each other’s Linus’ blanket. You, friends, have propped me up, and I hope to return the favour. Sometimes we are the tree, and sometimes we are the blanket. We are all in this together.

If you feel you can be a blanket this week, and you are heading out into a grocery store or pharmacy, consider gifting something to your cashier. I’ve been packaging up Lindt truffles and leaving them at the very end of my groceries, so when the bag comes through and the cashier looks askance, I thank her for all her hard work.

Pandemic Reading

This was just so excellent and so important for someone like me – white, privileged, Canadian. It is narrative nonfiction and explores the Great Migration of Black people from the American South to the North. From Jim Crow laws in the South to discriminatory housing, education, and employment practices in the North, this book really was insightful and a good resource for understanding the incredible obstacles faced by the migrants and the people who stayed in the South. It is a book of resilience, strength, tragedy, and hope.

The title says it all! By turns hilariously entertaining and heart-wrenchingly sad, this was enlightening and educational about mental illness and its effects.

Do you like reading about financial markets? Do you like reading about Monte Carlo simulations, random walks, and other nerdy econometric applications and theories? I do too!

Oh, I laughed so much through this book. It is VERY wittily written and really brought me back to my quantitative analyst days. The author’s general attitude reminded me so much of a former colleague, Warren. Oh, Warren. Warren worked in our Houston office but was originally from Chicago; once we were all at a conference in Chicago and, over dinner and every single opportunity he had, Warren regaled me with every detail you can ever imagine about the city’s history. And then, the first mayor Daley… I don’t remember the details because for some reason, I got really drunk on sangria. This page made me think so much of him:

I have to confess that my optimal strategy…was to speak as much as I could, while totally avoiding listening to other people’s replies by trying to solve equations in my head.

Fun fact, Warren also had married a woman, and I believe this marriage was one that used to be referred to as “mail order” and that is all you need to know. Ah, I have fond memories of him. Good times.

Oh! Remember when I spoke about the guy who broke his phone on the trade floor? I wasn’t alone!

Ah, good times.

I’m keeping that in mind this week, that the holidays are often a difficult time for many people, and this year even more so. Practicing compassion and empathy, coming into this very dark time of year. As we approach the darkest day of the year, we need to shine our lights to light the way for others, and to reflect others’ light.

So shine your light, wrap your blankets, and if you’re losing needles and drooping under the ornament, know that I’m holding you in my heart. Merry Christmas to you all, I hope you can find some joy and peace this holiday season. xoxo

Festively Locked Down; Thirty-Nine Weeks In

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What Even Day Is It

Here we are, the last week of school (or, “school”) before the holidays, and I am feeling that old familiar what even day is it feeling. When I wake up in the morning, I rarely think in terms of Monday-Friday; instead, I categorize the day by what class I’m teaching or IF I’m teaching. My week is Strengthen and Tone, Seniors, Grocery Day, Foundations, and Ashtanga, but this week my registered classes – 3/4 of the classes I teach – have all wound up for the year, and so I’m feeling a little at sea.

Monday! It’s Monday. We are thirty-nine weeks into the pandemic and in a full lockdown.

Library Lockdown

Yes, as of yesterday, we are now in a full-scale lockdown; in other words, it is now illegal to have a gathering of any kind, any number, inside or outside. I feel a bit salty about this, as I haven’t gathered with other people in months, and my god, how are we back here again but you know. Perspective. I’m fine. We’re fine. Everything’s fine.

I WAS horrified to learn that the library is now closed. Our library app has a “for later” shelf where I have listed about 150 titles; the app has a feature that shows which of those “for later” titles are available right now. When I discovered the library was closing, I did what anyone in my position would do, and started putting all of those available titles on request immediately. It was the library version of panic-buying at the grocery store.

I was feeling quite satisfied with myself, thinking of the titles that would come in before the library closed at 5:00 on Saturday, until I found out that, unlike during the last shutdown a) the library is still doing curbside hold pickups, b) the return chute is still open and due dates are still firm, and c) all of the books came in and this is my current To Read pile:

And I have another FOUR titles that I need to pick up this week. Luckily my social calendar isn’t exactly packed. It’s fine!

Wrapper’s Delight

My least favourite Christmas-related task is gift wrapping. I am terrible at gift wrapping. Maybe I should have saved some of those gift bags? But we are a Tear Open The Paper kind of family, so I stand by my decisions.

One of the fun things about doing so much online shopping is that when you go to wrap the gifts, you discover all the things that you bought and kind of forgot about. As I was wrapping, it occurred to me that some t-shirts I had ordered for my older son – whose personal style is jeans and a graphic t-shirt, but not just any graphic t-shirt, it has to be a specific unique random thing that I’ve often never heard of, who even is Tyler Bryant – had not yet arrived, even though I ordered them in early November.

Not two minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. It was the elderly lady across the street letting me know that she would be away for a few days, and if anything happened to her house, could I call her, and by the way, did I know I had mail? And like a Christmas miracle, there it was, the package of Seinfeld-themed t-shirts with These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty and Look to the Cookie emblazoned on them.

Everything is fine!

Speaking of (W)rap

If you are a person who has a Spotify account, undoubtedly you will have discovered your number one song for 2020. My music genres are wildly varied, from hard rock and 1990s hip hop for workouts and running to Broadway show tunes, from mellow 1970s music to soul and Motown, alongside the hippie chanting and instrumental music I use for my yoga classes. I was excited to see what my very number one listened to song was.

It was – wait for it – Walk This Way by Run DMC. I was puzzled – I do love that song, it is on two separate playlists for running and cardio workouts, but I was surprised it was my number one song.

The mystery was solved when my husband looked at his list. His number one song was Let’s Stay Together by Al Green, followed by Copacabana by Barry Manilow, two songs he has never consciously chosen to listen to in his life.

His Spotify account is linked to our kitchen Sonos, which is what I listen to when I’m in the kitchen, which, as we know, is many, many hours a week. Hilariously, the rest of his list was filled with Aretha Franklin, the Bee Gees, and the Doobie Brothers, and although I am amused at the idea of him secretly grooving away to Nights on Broadway, you will have to believe me when I say he is not a Bee Gee kind of guy.

Festive Friday

I have declared the two Fridays leading up to Christmas to be Festive Friday, and so last Friday we decorated gingerbread men. This is, as longtime readers will know, an annual tradition that leaves us with dozens of identical gingerbread men with three buttons, two eyes, and a smile, all made by me, and about a dozen of ridiculous messes that no one will eat because that icing is really not that great. Allow me to illustrate.

After decorating, the boys proceeded to squirt the remains of the icing tubes into glasses of water, which they drank like tequila shots, at which time I uncorked a bottle of wine.

Pandemic Reading

Thanks to Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) for recommending this book. Light-skinned Black twins run away from home to start new lives – separately. It is a compelling read about racial identity, gender identity, and the pull of family. I immediately looked up other books by this author and put them on my (ever-growing) to-read list at the library.

So. Did someone recommend this to me? Was I drunk when I was on the library app? All I know is that I would have never put this on hold if I had read the plot synopsis. DEAR GOD. It is set in the fall of 2020. It concerns – wait for it – a deadly virus that is causing a global pandemic. A deadly NOVEL CORONAVIRUS. The incredibly uncanny thing about this is that it was written and edited between 2013-19, and published MARCH OF 2020, and there are many details about self-quarantine, wearing masks, and end-times panic about groceries. What the what. Why did I even read this to the end, I don’t know. It was written in a style I very much like: different viewpoints and timelines, showing how all of the characters are interconnected in the manner of no man is an island, ask not for whom the bell tolls, etc. However. Maybe if we WEREN’T currently living this dystopian nightmare, I’d feel differently about reading it, but we are, and I cannot UN-recommend this book strongly enough. Unless you like reading about the deaths of millions of children, then go for it, fill your boots.

Yummy Things

In addition to gingerbread, this week I made mint squares, peppermint bark – the Christmas treat that is so easy and yet always impressive – and chocolate truffles. Important addition to the latter: after rolling into balls, I placed them on wax-paper lined cookie sheets and then put them in the freezer. Meanwhile, I melted 1 cup chocolate chips with 1 tablespoon coconut oil, then dipped the frozen truffles into the mixture. Then I put them back to the freezer, and I’m taking them out as needed.

Have a beautiful week, everyone! Are your kids still in “school” this week? Are you all ready for the holidays? Tell me everything. xo

Everything Is Fine; Thirty-Eight Weeks In

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The first week of at-home schooling has been fine. So much better – oh my god, SO MUCH – than in the spring. For one thing, we finally bought my older son a laptop – my younger son has had one since seventh grade – and that right there was worth the price, times one thousand. Both boys can now work in their rooms, as opposed to my older son working on our desktop – the same desktop on which I am writing right this very moment – and my husband cobbling together a stand desk in our bedroom from an aerobics step and an upside-down Rubbermaid container.

Does that sound weird? It is weird. My husband still has to use this “stand desk” for the two hours a week that I’m teaching yoga from home, but mostly he is at the desk with his work laptop. Allow me to illustrate.

The stand desk.

Welcome to our “home office!” It’s a desk, right beside the gaming area and also home gym, hello open concept.

Gaming area is also attached to my library and the cardio machines (god I love those machines).

Cardio area, where I can watch the boys gaming if I want to be confused as to what they are doing. Anyone want to talk about Peloton with me? I feel like I’ve happily joined a sweaty cult.

The weight area, also the place where I teach zoom yoga from home.

IPad setup for zoom yoga, beside the laundry area.

Not one but TWO drum kits, one acoustic and one electric, the electric one being used any time someone actually has to hear anything else in the house. Not that I’m complaining! I love listening to my son drum. He’s learning In The Air Tonight and I have been waiting for that moment all my life.

Guitar cases and also a small peek into the storage/ pantry room.

The acquisition of the new laptop has made an enormous difference in our domestic harmony; my husband takes over the basement during working hours – except when I’m teaching – and the boys are in their rooms. The school is, of course, so much better equipped to handle at-home learning and although some of their option courses are a little strange to take online – mechanics, for example, and sports performance, both of which my younger son is in – mostly it’s fine. It’s fine! It’s fine.

When my community centre classes went online a few weeks ago (WAS it a few weeks ago, time has lost all meaning) I was given the option of teaching from home or teaching at the completely empty community centre, and I chose the latter because OUTING.

Speaking of outings, last week I took a deep breath and decided to do One More Costco Run, The Last Until After Christmas on my usual grocery shopping day. When I do Costco and Superstore on the same day, it typically means that, even at top efficiency, Grocery Shopping And Putting Away The Groceries is, at minimum, three hours from start to finish. I chugged a green smoothie, popped my vitamins, drank a pot of coffee, and I was ready.

I was…surprised. If you need to shop at Costco in December, may I suggest going the week AFTER lockdown restrictions are announced? I can only assume that the entire city was in Panic Buying Mode the week previous, and now have no room left in their pantries and freezers. The parking lot was so quiet that I actually looked at my watch, phone, AND the car clock to ensure that I was here at a normal time, and not, you know, in the middle of the night. Time has lost all meaning. The store was as quiet as it’s ever been, it was quiet for Pre-Pandemic Times. In December. Carpe diem, I shopped the hell out of that store and then zipped over to Superstore, where it was also eerily quiet. Everything is fine. It’s fine.

Usually on Wednesdays, after my grocery shop, I look with great satisfaction at the fridge and pantry, thinking look at all this beautiful produce, look at this delicious healthy food, look at all these ingredients with which to prepare all the meals which I have lovingly planned out. This motherly feeling of accomplishment and abundance can last up to five days, at which point I look in the fridge and wonder what happened to all the grapes, they were meant for school snacks, and what kind of ravenous garbage monsters do I live with. This is a similar feeling to that which I get 24 to 36 hours after I lovingly bake muffins or snack loaf so that it comes out of the oven just before the boys get home from school, greeting them with scrumptious scents and warm baking, when I look at the tin and see nothing but crumbs or perhaps an errant chocolate chip.

This week was different.

It was only when I finished rearranging the fridges, freezers, pantry, and cupboards to make room for my grocery acquisitions that I looked around and thought okay, this is getting weird now. I have crossed the line from I’m just being prepared to I think I might be a crazy person. I would not blame you for looking askance at me and my forty kilograms of flour, three Costco-sized bags of chocolate chips, five crunchy peanut butters, five jars of salsa, and four and a half cases of almond milk.

What I’m saying is, I don’t need to buy staples for a while.

I need to remind myself, apparently, that the supply chain is strong and vigorous, and that there IS NO SHORTAGE OF ANYTHING AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE. Even my Just Nuts Crunchy Peanut Butter is, after many weeks, back in stock. JUST CALM DOWN, NICOLE. Anyway, my goal for the next month is to just buy produce and other perishables and work my way down through my massive stock of staples. It’s fine. Everything is fine.

Case in point: I was making tacos, and there was only one shell in the box in the kitchen. I wrote taco shells on my grocery list and went downstairs to fetch my spare box in the pantry. Except there were THREE spare boxes. It was with great strength of will that I crossed taco shells off my list. THERE IS NO TACO SHORTAGE.

This pandemic is messing with my mental state in many ways.

It doesn’t, for example, take a PhD in psychology to see what’s REALLY going on with my recent obsession with all the shoes and boots in this house, and the purchase of several shoe and boot racks, and the subsequent reorganization of all the closets in which shoes and boots reside. If someone was tracking my movements and purchases, they might see that this recent project was positively correlated with the recent school shutdown and the subsequent result that Everyone Is Home All The Time.

Side note: most of the footwear is mine, and all of it Sparks Joy, so not one pair has been purged, but they are all very neatly organized on one of the five shoe/ boot racks purchased in the last couple of weeks (has it been a couple of weeks? Time has lost all meaning.). Although, I should mention that when a shoe rack advertises that it “holds nine pair” that does not account for the fact that my younger son has size twelve feet and therefore any rack with his shoes on it yields a much different result. It’s fine. It’s all fine.

Everything is fine, and if anyone needs pantry staples, I’m your huckleberry.

Pandemic Reading

This was so interesting; a very comprehensive study about the “Spanish” flu (a misnomer, the pandemic actually started at an army training camp in Kansas, and from there travelled to France during the latter months of the war, but since Spain was neutral and did not censor its media, it was assumed that the flu was of Spanish origin). This discussed health implications, economic implications, how the pandemic became a global one, the rise of public health care, and how the war was affected by soldiers falling ill in the trenches. Absolutely fascinating. Am I recommending it to you? I don’t know. I would absolutely NOT have been open to reading it six months ago, but I was in the right stage to do so now.

Photo from 1920, 100 years ago!

This was published in 2017, so it’s interesting to see the “future pandemic” scientific protocols, when we are living it.

This was SO good, thanks to Allison (HI ALLISON) for the long-ago recommendation. I am not telling you one single thing about it because I want you to be as surprised as I was.

My Christmas baking this week consisted of sugar cookies and peanut butter truffles. Melt together 2 cups peanut butter and 1/4 cup refined coconut oil. Add some vanilla (I freestyle, probably 1-2 tsp) and 2 cups icing sugar. Chill until able to work into balls, at which point the balls go on wax paper-lined cookie sheets in the freezer. Melt 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips with 1 1/2 tablespoons coconut oil, dip the balls in the mixture, and freeze again. Easy peasy.

EVERYTHING IS FINE, WE HAVE BAKING. It’s fine. xo