Category Archives: Playtime

Boyhouse Year In Review 2020

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WELL! I don’t think any of us could have possibly predicted the year that we just had, in any capacity. I would like to think that we will never take things for granted again: our health, our ability to travel, our friendships and family, but human nature being what it is, there will come a day when we probably will.

2020 was disastrous in so many ways, but I think that looking back on it, we can see massive change and growth, and, looking forward, glimmers of hope. I know that going through this year has made me re-evaluate many things, and I have realized that many things I felt I could never live without, I have.

So let us look back on the year that was absolutely unlike any year we have experienced, but that will surely be talked about and written about for decades to come.

Boyhouse Year In Review 2020

January

I was stressed out about juggling doctor, dentist, and orthodontist appointments for the boys – remember juggling things? – it was insanely cold and I went for a mall walk like an elderly person, and I got weirdly stressed out about getting a gel pedicure. I also – sob – complained about exam break and my son being home from school IMAGINE YOUR KIDS BEING HOME FROM SCHOOL FOR THREE WEEKS JUST IMAGINE LOLOLOLOLSOB.

January 2020 Nicole was such an innocent, and also I did not go for that gel pedicure.

February

I overheard a man at Walmart asking for extra-small condoms, I went to Math Night at the high school and was comparatively a hippie, I went to Costco on a Sunday afternoon for the first and last time and also baked a heart-shaped cake for dinner with friends, and I wore a different outfit every day in February.

All the outfits were pretty similar though.

March

I talked about how insidious jealousy is, although I freely admitted to being insanely jealous of my friends’ hair, I noticed people buying a LOT of toilet paper at Costco (cue ominous music), I really did try to fulfil my New Year’s Resolution of buying a bra but failed, we cancelled our trip to Mexico and I bought a lot of groceries, my son turned 16 and we had our first Pandemic Birthday, and I accidentally hoarded taco shells.

Everything shut down, including the yoga studio, and so I also started my home yoga practice. This was a huge change because nearly every day for thirteen years I went to the studio to practice in the early morning hours. School was also cancelled “indefinitely.”

April

In what can only be described as the Worst Timing Ever, my coffee maker started leaking, grocery shopping became a harrowing, soul-sucking quest and I started wearing a mask, my sons stopped shaving, I got my very first cloth mask and declared it to be the New Lipstick, I coloured my own hair for the first time in decades, and I cleaned and reorganized the hideous laundry area.

I also had a pandemic birthday and my friends brought me a gift while wearing dinosaur costumes and playing Danger Zone.

May

Some things started to open up, notably the orthodontist, which meant that I did NOT have to use toenail clippers to cut my son’s brace wires, we had a Pandemic Mother’s Day and I stressed out about baking powder, we visited my parents for the first time in months, I aired my grievances, big and small, and I was really on edge about grocery carts.

I also talked about pandemic beauty products.

June

Amid lots of worries, we celebrated Barkley’s birthday, we started to catch up on appointments as medical and dental offices opened, I gave myself a bikini wax and I learned some things are best left to the professionals, the renos were finished on our vacation home and so we went there for a little break and I thoroughly enjoyed the newly-flushing toilet, and I reminisced about Hammerman.

I also shared my hair styling tips, follow me for more great beauty advice.

July

I talked about the role of luck in life, I had lots of adventures, including one in which I learned how outhouses in the backcountry get emptied, I GOT A PELOTON AND IT HAS BEEN LIFE-CHANGING (and also practiced gratitude), and I talked about leaning in and out, yin and yang.

I also talked about sweat! Again, follow me for more fascinating and glamourous topics.

August

I finally watched Hamilton and also bleached my hands accidentally, someone called the cops on my son and his band, I realized after months of wearing shorts that the boys had vastly outgrown all their pants, we were on a vacation of sorts and I prepared for the boys to actually go back to actual physical school.

I also talked about my beloved herb garden.

September

The boys went back to school (!!!!!!), my son turned 15 and had a socially distanced birthday party, I marked six months since I had my hair cut and professionally coloured, I had the Lido Shuffle stuck in my head and I actually did get my hair cut and coloured.

Also, Barkley shared my passion for fall fruits.

October

My son finally (FINALLY OMG FINALLY) shaved off his pandemic moustache and I got excused from jury duty, we enjoyed incredible fall colours and for the first time ever I got to eat something at Thanksgiving dinner (that I made myself, but still), I had an adventure at Costco, and I talked about Mom Jeans and Dressy Sweatpants.

November

My husband declared himself the winner in the Halloween decoration war, it was the return of the Tiny Secret Festive Season and I finished my Christmas shopping, I had a small breakdown in the grocery store, I talked about Friluftsliv, and we got put on a mini-lockdown.

I also had fun – and THANK YOU ALL FOR WEIGHING IN – discussing Divisive Issues! That was probably my favourite post to write, and my favourite comment section of 2020.

December

Everything was fine, I got festively crazy, the mini-lockdown turned into a major lockdown which we are still in today, and we got a whole lot of snow.

I also talked about being a Linus’ blanket to someone else’s Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

As we wrap up 2020, I’m looking back at my goals for the year (I still didn’t buy a new bra) and looking forward to setting goals for a fresh new year. I learned a lot about myself this year, I grew as a person, so many things changed, there was much sadness and despair but also much happiness, beauty, gratitude, and time with my little family. (SO MUCH TIME WITH MY LITTLE FAMILY).

Thank you so much for coming along with me on my adventures during this strange year; I wish you so much joy and love for the New Year. Here’s to 2021! xoxoxo

No Need To Dream, It’s A White Christmas; Forty-One Weeks In

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Well, hello! I hope you are having a happy holiday season. I am at the very lovely point where I have consumed so many Christmas treats that I don’t actually want to eat any more Christmas treats. It’s nice to have that Completely Satisfied feeling, however:

If anyone is wondering where all the chocolate is, we have it.

The past week has been so lovely and relaxing, filled with treats and wine – so much wine, my god – and gifts and walks and happiness. We had a massive winter storm a few days before Christmas, with an unusually enormous snowfall.

Do you know what’s great about a global pandemic and lockdown? Having an enormous snowfall; I had nowhere to go and nothing to do, and so just enjoyed the beauty of it and the leg workout that came from walking through it. The boys made a quinzhee in the back yard and are still adding to it. I’m currently taking bets as to how long it’s going to last, since they built it in the absolute coldest and shadiest part of our yard. Without intervention, it should be there until June at the earliest, possibly even July, knowing what our spring weather can be like.

We’ve had even more snow since I took this photo Christmas Eve, so it’s even bigger now. Perhaps this will be a series! The evolution of the quinzhee. Stay tuned for more exciting updates.

Speaking of exciting updates and living on the edge, I baked two artisan loaves on Christmas Eve. I haven’t baked bread in a long while, but during the spring – or possibly summer, who really knows, time is a fluid concept right now – I was walking down the baking aisle at Superstore and they had yeast, so I grabbed a jar. I didn’t need yeast. I wasn’t planning on baking bread or anything else that required yeast. But there it was, so I bought it. I know you can all relate.

It wasn’t regular yeast, however, but “pizza yeast.” I was well aware of that but still I bought it, and it has sat in my pantry ever since. Last week I began preparing to make the dough for bread, and I looked at the jar, which specifically stated that this pizza yeast was not to be used for bread baking. WELL. Danger is my middle name and so I used it anyway.

I thought, what’s the worst that could happen? What is the worst possible scenario here? Why the dire warning? Was the dough going to explode all over the oven? Was it going to spontaneously combust? Or, more probably and less dramatically, would it never rise or perhaps implode?

There did seem to be a few very hard lumps in the dough, but upon baking the loaves turned out just fine. Better than fine, really, they were delicious.

Living on the edge! Baking bread with pizza yeast! What’s next, having a pile of twelve books from the library during a lockdown? Well. That’s a nice segue into…

Pandemic Reading

Oh, this was SO fun. I really like Emma Straub. This was just lovely and the characters were all great. All in all, very enjoyable.

This was very Shirley-Valentine-finds-herself in the best possible way. A marriage ends and everything changes. Fabulous and a perfect holiday read.

I’m all about the feel-good books this week, and this was a very strange yet lovely story about a woman who takes a job looking after ten-year-old twins who…spontaneously catch on fire when they are upset. It was really enjoyable.

Of course, Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without my annual reading of Santaland Diaries and Dinah, The Christmas Whore.

And on a non-book-related topic, it also wouldn’t be Christmas if the boys weren’t making an insane-looking gingerbread house. Excuse me. An insane-looking gingerbread MANSION because we are nothing if not Fancy People around here.

I hope you are enjoying many holiday treats, and that you received lovely gifts, and that you are all well and healthy. I will leave you with a photo of one of my favourite gifts this year, and possibly ever.

Happy happy, friends. xo

Sometimes You’re The Charlie Brown Christmas Tree, Sometimes You’re Linus’ Blanket; Forty Weeks In

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I’ll Take Le Tits Now For $200, Alex

I love this time of year, for many reasons, but also because it’s Decorative Tin Season, Motherfuckers. I have a lovely assortment of festively decorative tins, and I love to fill them with once-a-year treats. Why don’t I have decorative tins for other times of year, when they clearly bring me joy? I don’t know.

Every time I open the fridge, I’m faced with this tin that is filled with peanut butter truffles:

And every time I open the fridge and see this tin, I get Sean Connery’s voice in my head. I’ll take Le Tits Now for $200, Alex. I get that voice in my head whenever I receive a Let It Snow-themed Christmas card, see a festive pajama set or decoration, or, god forbid, hear the song. Le Tits Now, Le Tits Now, Le Tits Now.

Hilariously, I have had several people tell me lately that when they try to access this blog from certain locations – work, mostly – that they get firewalled, and in some cases, the site is flagged as pornography. Let’s give them something to talk about.

Side note: imagine how disappointed a porn-seeker would be on being directed to this blog. Oooh, a GIRL in a BOY house. Let’s see…huh. There’s a lot about grocery shopping – ooh! Maybe it’s a produce stockboy storyline…no. No. She’s just literally buying groceries. And getting upset about people who don’t return their carts. Maybe on this next page…no. More groceries. Oooh, double up the D! No. No. She means Vitamin D.

I’m Not A Regular Mom, I’m A Cool Mom

At least a few times a week, I sassily tell the boys that, despite all appearances to the contrary, I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom. I also text them gifs to that effect, which they accept with weary resignation.

My older son was assigned the movie Mean Girls to watch for his Career and Life Management class – side note, why? When I was in grade 11 CALM I certainly was never assigned to watch movies. – and he burst out of his room with a startled look on his face.

“I didn’t know that was actually from something!” he said to me. “I thought you were just saying you were a cool mom.”

Me:

Is It Better To Burn Out Than To Fade Away, Asking For A Friend

Mean Girls notwithstanding, school-wise the last two weeks have been very intense for the boys. I found myself longing for the pre-high school days when December was an absolute shit-show and no academic work was attempted. Sure, they were hyped-up messes by the time they got home, but at least they weren’t completely burned out shells of their former selves. My younger son had a math test during the last period of the Friday before the break. My older son had a major Social Studies unit test the day before; both of them were basically the walking dead last week. I never was a fan of Pajama Day at school but now I’m remembering those days fondly.

I woke them up Friday morning by blasting One Day More; I can’t tell if they were happy about that or not.

We celebrated the end of school – after my younger son spent TWO HOURS after classes finished working on a project due THAT DAY THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL – as we usually do, with a viewing of Christmas vacation, snacks, and, in my case, boozy coffee.

Pandemic Feelings, Summarized

I did not click on any of these stories; I’d rather live with them in my imagination.

All It Needed Was A Little Love

One of my favourite Christmas TV moments is when Charlie Brown places a single ornament on his frail little tree, and, after he freaks out because he thinks he’s killed it, Linus wraps his blanket around the trunk. “It just needed a little love.” Then, magically, it grows branches and becomes a visually-perfect little tree.

I was talking about this to one of my yoga classes the other day, because it occurred to me that sometimes we are all Charlie Brown’s tree; just hanging in there, dropping needles like crazy, but still standing until someone hangs a metaphorical ornament on us, when we droop alarmingly. Do you feel like this too? Like, we’re fine, we’re fine, but then something happens that SHOULD feel festive but really feels like an anvil dropped on us, and that is IT. We are DONE.

In years past, I would have said that the ornament was a metaphor for all the obligations of the season; this year I think it is the feeling that we have to make the best of everything, making this the Best Home Christmas Ever in the face of much loss and sadness, in the season where we usually are frantically Seeing Everyone but this year we are Seeing No One.

And when we feel that droop, when we feel weighted down, we need a metaphorical Linus’ blanket to prop us up. What I want to tell you is that we are all each other’s Linus’ blanket. You, friends, have propped me up, and I hope to return the favour. Sometimes we are the tree, and sometimes we are the blanket. We are all in this together.

If you feel you can be a blanket this week, and you are heading out into a grocery store or pharmacy, consider gifting something to your cashier. I’ve been packaging up Lindt truffles and leaving them at the very end of my groceries, so when the bag comes through and the cashier looks askance, I thank her for all her hard work.

Pandemic Reading

This was just so excellent and so important for someone like me – white, privileged, Canadian. It is narrative nonfiction and explores the Great Migration of Black people from the American South to the North. From Jim Crow laws in the South to discriminatory housing, education, and employment practices in the North, this book really was insightful and a good resource for understanding the incredible obstacles faced by the migrants and the people who stayed in the South. It is a book of resilience, strength, tragedy, and hope.

The title says it all! By turns hilariously entertaining and heart-wrenchingly sad, this was enlightening and educational about mental illness and its effects.

Do you like reading about financial markets? Do you like reading about Monte Carlo simulations, random walks, and other nerdy econometric applications and theories? I do too!

Oh, I laughed so much through this book. It is VERY wittily written and really brought me back to my quantitative analyst days. The author’s general attitude reminded me so much of a former colleague, Warren. Oh, Warren. Warren worked in our Houston office but was originally from Chicago; once we were all at a conference in Chicago and, over dinner and every single opportunity he had, Warren regaled me with every detail you can ever imagine about the city’s history. And then, the first mayor Daley… I don’t remember the details because for some reason, I got really drunk on sangria. This page made me think so much of him:

I have to confess that my optimal strategy…was to speak as much as I could, while totally avoiding listening to other people’s replies by trying to solve equations in my head.

Fun fact, Warren also had married a woman, and I believe this marriage was one that used to be referred to as “mail order” and that is all you need to know. Ah, I have fond memories of him. Good times.

Oh! Remember when I spoke about the guy who broke his phone on the trade floor? I wasn’t alone!

Ah, good times.

I’m keeping that in mind this week, that the holidays are often a difficult time for many people, and this year even more so. Practicing compassion and empathy, coming into this very dark time of year. As we approach the darkest day of the year, we need to shine our lights to light the way for others, and to reflect others’ light.

So shine your light, wrap your blankets, and if you’re losing needles and drooping under the ornament, know that I’m holding you in my heart. Merry Christmas to you all, I hope you can find some joy and peace this holiday season. xoxo

Festively Locked Down; Thirty-Nine Weeks In

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What Even Day Is It

Here we are, the last week of school (or, “school”) before the holidays, and I am feeling that old familiar what even day is it feeling. When I wake up in the morning, I rarely think in terms of Monday-Friday; instead, I categorize the day by what class I’m teaching or IF I’m teaching. My week is Strengthen and Tone, Seniors, Grocery Day, Foundations, and Ashtanga, but this week my registered classes – 3/4 of the classes I teach – have all wound up for the year, and so I’m feeling a little at sea.

Monday! It’s Monday. We are thirty-nine weeks into the pandemic and in a full lockdown.

Library Lockdown

Yes, as of yesterday, we are now in a full-scale lockdown; in other words, it is now illegal to have a gathering of any kind, any number, inside or outside. I feel a bit salty about this, as I haven’t gathered with other people in months, and my god, how are we back here again but you know. Perspective. I’m fine. We’re fine. Everything’s fine.

I WAS horrified to learn that the library is now closed. Our library app has a “for later” shelf where I have listed about 150 titles; the app has a feature that shows which of those “for later” titles are available right now. When I discovered the library was closing, I did what anyone in my position would do, and started putting all of those available titles on request immediately. It was the library version of panic-buying at the grocery store.

I was feeling quite satisfied with myself, thinking of the titles that would come in before the library closed at 5:00 on Saturday, until I found out that, unlike during the last shutdown a) the library is still doing curbside hold pickups, b) the return chute is still open and due dates are still firm, and c) all of the books came in and this is my current To Read pile:

And I have another FOUR titles that I need to pick up this week. Luckily my social calendar isn’t exactly packed. It’s fine!

Wrapper’s Delight

My least favourite Christmas-related task is gift wrapping. I am terrible at gift wrapping. Maybe I should have saved some of those gift bags? But we are a Tear Open The Paper kind of family, so I stand by my decisions.

One of the fun things about doing so much online shopping is that when you go to wrap the gifts, you discover all the things that you bought and kind of forgot about. As I was wrapping, it occurred to me that some t-shirts I had ordered for my older son – whose personal style is jeans and a graphic t-shirt, but not just any graphic t-shirt, it has to be a specific unique random thing that I’ve often never heard of, who even is Tyler Bryant – had not yet arrived, even though I ordered them in early November.

Not two minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. It was the elderly lady across the street letting me know that she would be away for a few days, and if anything happened to her house, could I call her, and by the way, did I know I had mail? And like a Christmas miracle, there it was, the package of Seinfeld-themed t-shirts with These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty and Look to the Cookie emblazoned on them.

Everything is fine!

Speaking of (W)rap

If you are a person who has a Spotify account, undoubtedly you will have discovered your number one song for 2020. My music genres are wildly varied, from hard rock and 1990s hip hop for workouts and running to Broadway show tunes, from mellow 1970s music to soul and Motown, alongside the hippie chanting and instrumental music I use for my yoga classes. I was excited to see what my very number one listened to song was.

It was – wait for it – Walk This Way by Run DMC. I was puzzled – I do love that song, it is on two separate playlists for running and cardio workouts, but I was surprised it was my number one song.

The mystery was solved when my husband looked at his list. His number one song was Let’s Stay Together by Al Green, followed by Copacabana by Barry Manilow, two songs he has never consciously chosen to listen to in his life.

His Spotify account is linked to our kitchen Sonos, which is what I listen to when I’m in the kitchen, which, as we know, is many, many hours a week. Hilariously, the rest of his list was filled with Aretha Franklin, the Bee Gees, and the Doobie Brothers, and although I am amused at the idea of him secretly grooving away to Nights on Broadway, you will have to believe me when I say he is not a Bee Gee kind of guy.

Festive Friday

I have declared the two Fridays leading up to Christmas to be Festive Friday, and so last Friday we decorated gingerbread men. This is, as longtime readers will know, an annual tradition that leaves us with dozens of identical gingerbread men with three buttons, two eyes, and a smile, all made by me, and about a dozen of ridiculous messes that no one will eat because that icing is really not that great. Allow me to illustrate.

After decorating, the boys proceeded to squirt the remains of the icing tubes into glasses of water, which they drank like tequila shots, at which time I uncorked a bottle of wine.

Pandemic Reading

Thanks to Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) for recommending this book. Light-skinned Black twins run away from home to start new lives – separately. It is a compelling read about racial identity, gender identity, and the pull of family. I immediately looked up other books by this author and put them on my (ever-growing) to-read list at the library.

So. Did someone recommend this to me? Was I drunk when I was on the library app? All I know is that I would have never put this on hold if I had read the plot synopsis. DEAR GOD. It is set in the fall of 2020. It concerns – wait for it – a deadly virus that is causing a global pandemic. A deadly NOVEL CORONAVIRUS. The incredibly uncanny thing about this is that it was written and edited between 2013-19, and published MARCH OF 2020, and there are many details about self-quarantine, wearing masks, and end-times panic about groceries. What the what. Why did I even read this to the end, I don’t know. It was written in a style I very much like: different viewpoints and timelines, showing how all of the characters are interconnected in the manner of no man is an island, ask not for whom the bell tolls, etc. However. Maybe if we WEREN’T currently living this dystopian nightmare, I’d feel differently about reading it, but we are, and I cannot UN-recommend this book strongly enough. Unless you like reading about the deaths of millions of children, then go for it, fill your boots.

Yummy Things

In addition to gingerbread, this week I made mint squares, peppermint bark – the Christmas treat that is so easy and yet always impressive – and chocolate truffles. Important addition to the latter: after rolling into balls, I placed them on wax-paper lined cookie sheets and then put them in the freezer. Meanwhile, I melted 1 cup chocolate chips with 1 tablespoon coconut oil, then dipped the frozen truffles into the mixture. Then I put them back to the freezer, and I’m taking them out as needed.

Have a beautiful week, everyone! Are your kids still in “school” this week? Are you all ready for the holidays? Tell me everything. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Festively Crazy Edition

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Do you have a Buy Nothing group in your neighbourhood? I do, and it’s really a great thing: people post items that they want to get rid of, and also items – and sometimes acts of service – that they need. I have been able to re-home many items from my house in this way, and it makes me happy to think that someone local is using our outgrown clothes and boots, old towels, and bought-on-a-whim-but-never-used toiletries.

Some of the things gifted on the site are kind of bizarre – partially used salad dressing, for example, expired coconut milk – but hey, no judgement here, the point is to keep things out of the landfill, and almost everything that goes on the site is snapped up.

On my most recent Organization Spree Because There Are So Many People Home All The Time In This Small House, I pulled a big Rubbermaid bin from a closet downstairs. The bins below it were filled with various knitted objects from my mother-in-law, and a quilt my grandmother had made for me as a child, and the bins above it were filled with spare blankets for winter.

You might think that the bin in question would also be filled with similar items, but you would be wrong. It was filled to the brim with gift bags.

I have another box, handily residing on a shelf, that I store gift bags in, and so I did not even realize I have saved every gift bag from every gift I have ever been given. I mean, this bin had gift bags that I remember getting at my baby shower, my baby shower being held in May 2004.

I also was made to realize that every year I buy packages containing hundreds – hundreds! – of Christmas gift tags, and then only partially use the package as I don’t, obviously, give hundreds of gifts annually. In other words, I had stacks and stacks of partially used packages of gift tags. I may never have to buy gift tags again. When I die, my grandchildren will be cleaning out my apartment and will wonder why I have so many gift tags.

Also found: many ribbons, partially empty boxes of cards, and bags of Easter grass.

Thank god for the Buy Nothing group, is all I can say. Two nice ladies took the bags – one specifically taking dozens of wine gift bags, guess what people like to give me – and both commented, after picking them up from my front step, that that was more than they expected. THEY’RE YOURS NOW, LADIES. Enjoy the monkey paws.

My vow to not buy gift tags did not extend to actual gift WRAP because, although I knew, I knew in my heart that I had several rolls of Christmas wrap at home, I still bought a Costco roll on my last trip. We all know how long those rolls last. I guess my grandchildren will also be clearing Christmas paper out of my apartment and thinking that Grandma was Festively Crazy.

I am Festively Crazy! And why not. Here we are, the darkest month of the year, the darkest year of the century/ millennium/ dear god let’s HOPE it’s the darkest year, and, as you know, I’m Feeling Festive.

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Festively Crazy Edition

Gnome Sweet Gnome

Back in mid-November, I noticed this guy in my neighbourhood.

Cute, right? Then, suddenly, he started multiplying and I was seeing this sweet greenery gnome everywhere around the neighbourhood. Sometimes I would see three or four houses in a row with gnomes on their front steps or gardens. I finally saw a gnome owner – a gnowner, if you will – and she told me that a local nursery was selling kits and giving webinars to Make Your Own Gnome. Right there I knew it was a non-starter for me. I am the least crafty person I know, and if I was to try this project – which the woman said “was tricky in parts” – it would end with a pile of shredded greenery, and me dissolved in a puddle of tears. I did look on the nursery’s website, and the kits themselves were $80, which seemed like a lot to spend for a decoration that would only last one season (I’m half Scottish), and also for something that I would surely destroy accidentally.

This all doesn’t stop me from admiring each and every gnome on my daily walks, nor did it stop me from talking to my husband about the gnomes. Look at how cute they are, I love gnomes, I especially love the kind of gnomes that have faces like that, I wish I had a gnome.

Look what arrived on the weekend!

Dreams do come true! I am now officially a gnowner, without the tears and shredded greenery.

Pulling The Ferrari Out Of The Garage

My friend Liv (HI LIV) uses that term for bringing out the good china, and although I have a full set of Lavender Rose Royal Albert china that was my grandma’s, I rarely use it. It generally comes out for fancy Christmas coffee and treats with the girls, which is obviously not going to happen this year. I do not feel like going through the trouble of bringing out the Lavender Rose for the guys, who do not now and never will appreciate it. However! Our Sunday night desserts have been a variety of the Christmas treats and baking I’ve been doing, which is a perfect opportunity to bring out the Christmas Spode platters.

So many trees.

I love Spode; the platters hide in plain sight year-round. This bowl usually houses decorative balls with Chinese writing, but at Christmas gets filled with pine cones I collected years ago, from my in-laws’, my husband’s childhood home.

Party For One, A Festive Kitchen Party

If you’re going to spend a lot of time at home, and in the kitchen, may I suggest festive tea towels? You can see the Spode one above, but I have a wide variety, almost exclusively purchased post-Christmas at huge discounts (Scottish, again).

I use the wine-themed ones only on Fridays and Saturdays as a celebratory reminder.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside Bum Warmers

FRILUFTSLIV! I know I’ve talked before about My Cozy Buns, the local woman who repurposes old sweaters and makes them into these adorable skirt-like bum warmers, but I do not think I can talk too much about them. I mean. Honestly. How much cuter of an idea can you get? Plus, recycling, upcycling, keeping warm in the winter, looking cute, and friluftsliv! I am normally an all-black-or-at-most-very-neutral colour person, but I saw this set – which comes with a matching headband, not shown – and it was just the perfect pop of festive colour without making me feel weird and conspicuous.

Please note that I am only coatless to take this photo, I immediately layered up afterwards.

Don’t Throw Me Down, Clark

My friend Chloe (HI CHLOE) sent me this coaster last Christmas (she also gave me her heart, but I gave it away) (I hope this year she gives it to someone special) and it makes me smile every time I look at it, which is often.

When this pandemic started, I vowed to write a monthly Favourite Things, and it has really helped me to focus on the positive. I think I’ll keep it up! So tell me, what are your favourite things lately? They don’t have to be festive (but I am here for the festivity!). xo

Divisive Issues; Thirty-Six Weeks In

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The general manager of the community association at which I teach yoga classes – currently zoom, but previously in-person – was telling me that she is very tired of people coming in to the community centre, seeing her with a mask, and calling her a sheep. Are…people still doing that? Apparently, yes. We are well into our ninth month of this pandemic. We have had a mandatory mask mandate in the city since August 1. We are in a literal crisis situation with regards to our health care system, but sure. Let’s ridicule people following health directives. Sir, have you read the news today. Have you read the news in the past eight months.

I was quite shocked when she told me that; it’s my own fault, really, for being shocked, as I have unfollowed and unfriended everyone who was posting ridiculous things like photos of a lion rising above a herd of sheep with captions like Me in the grocery store without a mask or various diatribes about how the virus is a hoax and any vaccine will be used by the government to track our movements.

Ha! I dare anyone to track my movements and stay awake in the process. She’s getting in her car and…going to Superstore. Now she’s home, putting groceries away. Oh look, she’s…walking in her neighbourhood. Wait wait, here she goes…to the library. And she’s…going to Superstore. Again.

Anyway, since I don’t see anti-mask posts like that anymore I find myself surprised to find that masks are still a divisive issue. Our fitness club has been sending out emails to the effect that if members are unable to wear face masks for health reasons, then they must wear face shields. I cannot imagine face shields being MORE comfortable than masks, and knowing the demographics of our fitness club like I do, I feel that “health reasons” are a euphemism for “I don’t want to.” If my teenagers can wear masks at school all day every day, along with 2200 other teenagers obeying the directive, then certainly the rest of us can slip one on for a couple of hours in public places.

So masks are – STILL, OMG – a divisive issue, but what I wanted to talk about today is FUN divisive issues, the kind of divisive issues that have no impact on other people, particularly no impact that could eventually lead to death.

The Top Sheet

I was well into my forties before I learned that not everybody uses a top sheet. Frankly, I could not have been more surprised if I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet. No. Top. Sheet. No judgment here, but what do you do for laundry? Even though I have adopted the “burrito method” for putting on my duvet cover, I still have to force myself to wash it bi-monthly or even quarterly, I hate that job so much. If you don’t have a top sheet, are you washing your duvet cover weekly? Aren’t you missing out on that lovely sandwich feeling of sliding between the sheets? And what do you DO with the top sheet that comes in every sheet set? I have so many questions, I will await your responses.

Making The Bed

I was in university when a friend chided me – CHIDED ME – for making my bed every day. “It’s the biggest waste of time!” she said to me. “What is the point?” Well, the point is a) it is a wonderful feeling to slide into a nicely-made bed at night, rather than a jumble of sheets (or, sheet, for those of you without a top sheet) and blankets, and b) in terms of making things look nice in the bedroom, there is no faster way to perk the room up than making the bed. I don’t know how long it takes you, but it is less than sixty seconds for me to pull the sheet and duvet up, and put on the pillow shams and decorative pillows. It is a pretty big bang for the cleaning buck, if you ask me.

Underwear to Bed

While we are speaking of the bedroom, what about wearing underwear to bed? I recall this being a Major Topic of Discussion during childhood sleepovers, the idea of letting the honeypot “breathe.” I do not know about the science backing up that claim. I am a person who is cold by nature – cold hands, warm heart – and also, despite my yoga life, kind of restrictive. I wear full-on pajamas, with underwear AND A BRA to bed. It’s a soft, sleep bra but a bra nonetheless. I guess I’m just more comfortable in lots of layers.

Eggnog

Is there a holiday libation more divisive than eggnog? God bless you all for cheering its festive appearance in the grocery store, but I am on the side of full-body shudder at the thought of consuming its thick viscosity. I know many of you right now are saying But with rum! But I have a great homemade recipe! But there are vegan versions! and bless you for trying, but NO. Here’s another secret: I don’t even like rum. I know! You think you know a person and then they drop a bomb like that.

Mint Chocolate

IT IS MY SEASON, PEOPLE. You Pumpkin Spice people, bless your hearts, have had your moment in the sun, but now it’s mine. I have good friends who think mint chocolate tastes like toothpaste. Well, a) more for me, and b) toothpaste tastes great, that’s why we like to be minty fresh. I have a box of candy canes that is going to be made into chocolate bark, it’s time to purchase After Eights and Peppermint Lindor, and my sweet little niece dropped off four boxes of mint chocolate Girl Guide cookies this weekend, LET’S CELEBRATE THE SEASON.

Last Christmas

I personally think that Last Christmas is one of the greatest holiday songs ever written, but there are people out there who do NOT. Have you heard of Whamageddon? It’s a game where people actively try not to hear Last Christmas during the holiday season. Why would you deprive yourself of joy? My first hearing of it was when I was briefly in the mall, and everyone around me (socially distanced, masked) was grooving to it, and that was November 5. On November 12 I started listening to all my Christmas Spotify playlists, including the one made by my friend Peggy (HI PEGGY) which is exclusively made up of different versions of Last Christmas. What I’m saying is that I would fail at Whamageddon on purpose.

All right, it’s your turn! Where do you stand on these divisive issues, and what issues did I miss?

Pandemic Reading

If you want to better understand the nature of depression, this is the book for you. It’s part memoir, part investigative journalism. Some of it is fascinating. Some of it is tedious. A lot of it is very difficult to read and very sad. It’s edifying but not enjoyable.

After reading about toxic masculinity and depression, I needed a break. This book was SO MUCH FUN. I love the blog Go Fug Yourself, and I loved their book The Royal We, but I have to say I loved this even more. It was just delightful, and the dialogue was A+.

My friend Mary-Lynn (HI MARY-LYNN) recommended this to me after I read Mrs. Dalloway. It’s brilliant! I love the kind of book that twines seemingly unrelated people together.

And the outdoor lights are up! Things are merry and bright – and this weekend, it will be the tree! Have a good week, stay safe, and don’t let the divisive issues divide us. xo

Halloween and Blue Moon Rising; Thirty-Three Weeks In

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There was a war going on in our neighbourhood and my husband declared himself the winner.

So how was your Halloween?

We had about 25 Trick or Treaters, which was a great number for our street. Our neighbours told me that they each had about six, and so I think kids were only going to houses with lots of decorations this year; a signalling thing, I suppose.

I handed out full-size chocolate bars like a Very Fancy Lady, in the most Covid-safe way I could think of. Most of the people in my neighbourhood, according to the Facebook page, had treat tables set up with little bags, and in one case, a giant spiderweb with full-size bars stuck in the web. However, I like to see the sweet costumes, and so tongs and PPE it was.

We weren’t going to carve pumpkins as the Decorative Gourds I bought are now, due to the extreme cold and snow, mush, but my friend offered me hers and so I stole an idea from my son’s friend:

I’m having a bit of a Nora Ephron I Feel Bad About My Neck moment here.

My kids did not Trick or Treat, being “too old,” but they did wander the neighbourhood for a few hours with their friends, all eight of wearing burlap sacks on their heads. Eight giant teen boys wandering around in the dark wearing burlap sacks on their heads, what could possibly go wrong.

Speaking of scary and spooky things, I have been reading Hans Christian Anderson Fairy Tales. When was the last time you read an actual fairy tale, one that hadn’t been modernized or Disney-fied? YOU GUYS. Shit gets REAL in Fairy Tale Land.

It all started months ago when I put this collection on hold at the library, as I was thinking about the original Little Mermaid. I knew it was a sad ending but couldn’t exactly remember how it went, and yes, it is definitely worth reading about the sharp and shooting pain that the Little Mermaid has once her fin is severed and she’s walking around on legs. It is a very sad story, but no more sad than most of the tales in this collection.

For example: The Little Match Girl. I vividly recall reading this story as a child; it was terrifying then and it’s even more so now. Here’s the premise for this tale geared towards children: a little girl, whose job it is to sell boxes of matches to passerby, is wandering around the street barefoot on New Year’s Eve. Let us recall that Hans Christian Anderson was Danish, and therefore it would be VERY cold wandering around the street barefoot on New Year’s Eve. She’s barefoot because she has no shoes; she wore her mother’s shoes to go out to sell matches, but as they were too big she lost them while dodging carriages in the street. Anyway, here it is, New Year’s Eve, and she is scared to go home as she has sold no matches today, and if she goes home without the pennies she would have earned for selling matches, her father will beat her.

Let’s just let all that information sink in for a moment.

So anyway, here she is, freezing cold and hungry – obviously she hasn’t eaten either – and not all that willing to go home. In any case, home is a literal shack with holes in the wall, and there’s no food there anyway. She sits down in a little corner of the street and tries to warm her hands by lighting a match, and from the illumination she starts to hallucinate things like a warm fireplace, a roast goose dinner, and a Christmas tree. She lights match after match and the hallucinations – yes, children’s story – continue until she sees her dead grandmother, the “only person who ever loved her.” She begs her grandmother to take her to heaven with her, and she subsequently dies, frozen, with a smile on her face.

WELL.

Another story I remember from my childhood – I am sure I had one of those little records with a book that you could read along with, that had a little chime when it was time to turn the page – was Thumbelina. Wow, is that a messed up story. I remember loving it as a child, and I can see why: everything is in miniature. Thumbelina has a walnut shell for a bed, a tulip petal for a boat, a little hammock woven out of grass. So sweet! And yet the story itself is Crazy Town. Thumbelina gets kidnapped by a toad’s mother so that she can be the toad’s bride. Hello meddling mother-in-law. She is, understandably, distraught about being kidnapped and marooned on a lily pad so she can’t escape her toady bridal chamber, but some fishes and a butterfly help her escape. When winter comes she seeks shelter with a little field mouse, who introduces her to her neighbour, a mole. The mole wants to marry her and all her troubles will be gone, as the mole is portrayed as being wealthy. The only catch is, because her new husband will be a MOLE, she will have to live underground forever and never see the sun.

I feel like a whole series of dissertations could be written about the symbolism herewith.

Anyway, Thumbelina finds what everyone thinks is a dead bird, but it’s really only just frozen. She nurses it back to health and it helps her escape her safe-yet-forever-underground life of Mrs. Mole; she subsequently lands in a flower and marries a little tiny prince who is in charge of all the flowers, and yay, happy ending.

Pandemic Reading

Thankfully, I did read something besides the unsettling and opium-trippy fairy tales this week.

I cannot recommend this book enough. It follows a woman who is principal of a Muslim girls’ school that is targeted by a shooter; it describes her life growing up and coming of age as a Muslim in America. It’s a very moving and important read.

On the other side of the spectrum was this book. It was the book equivalent of coming inside after shovelling snow in the freezing cold, and having a chai and a gingersnap. It’s a sweet, satisfying, warm hug of a book.

This series of essays about being a gay black Christian man in America was both hilarious and thought-provoking.

Here’s my best shot of the Blue Moon on Halloween; and on that note, Happy November! Or, as I like to call it, Happy Countdown To The Christmas Season! I’m thinking about all my American friends this week, and hoping for a peaceful transfer of power. Stay well. xo