Category Archives: Playtime

Productivity Week Is At A Close

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Today is the last day of karate camp, and I’ve been SO PRODUCTIVE this week. Some of the accomplishments have been less fun – like taking the car in to get the tires rebalanced, and getting teary-eyed and having to call my husband because the guys at the tire place said we didn’t have an appointment and I’d have to leave the car there all day. Doing anything car-related, whether it be a tire issue or an oil change, makes me feel terribly anti-feminist and clichéd because I honestly have nearly zero understanding of car-related issues and my first reaction when anything goes wrong is to cry and call my husband. I know! It’s terrible. The most terrible part is that getting teary-eyed and calling my husband works every time, EVERY TIME, PEOPLE, and so I have no motivation to change this repellent behaviour. It always ends up with the car guys quickly fitting me in and apologizing for any inconvenience this may have caused me, and would I like a coffee? Sigh, I know. I hate being a cliché and yet, at the dealership where we bought our car, there is a manicure bar, a MANICURE BAR, PEOPLE, for women just like me who need to bring their cars in for oil changes but who also have anxiety attacks at the thought of it so hey, pretty lady, how about a manicure?

When I was in grad school I studied gender differences in incomes and I had two posters on my office wall: one was a fish riding a bicycle and the other was the Feminist Manifesto. Fast forward sixteen years and I’m crying at the tire place and getting my nails done at car dealerships.

Anyway, other than the tire balancing, it’s been a great week. Save for a half-day camp at the local farm/ petting zoo five years ago, my children have never been to a day camp. I’m kind of wondering why not, because they have gotten so much out of this camp, and it’s not just the improvement in their karate katas. For example, Jake has suddenly learned how to dive for rings at the bottom of the pool, which he would never do before. I realized the motivation behind this sudden act of athletic bravery when I learned that he was swimming with a very pretty thirteen year old brown belt. I see! Jake does not have any confidence issues on that front, given that he heard me singing You’re So Vain while I drove them to camp, and then casually mentioned that he thought that song WAS about him, since he’s so handsome and whatnot.

It’s been beautifully hot here, and we’ve had very few storms, which is highly unusual for Calgary. I could tell one was coming yesterday afternoon by the feel of the air and also because I am now 90 and I can feel it in my bones. Anyway, once I got the boys home from camp I threw their disgustingly dirty camp stuff in the washer, whipped up a batch of cookies and put it in the oven, and started dinner. The boys were relaxing like little non-evil Frank Underwoods, playing video games, and suddenly all went dark. The power went out! We rarely have power outages so I wasn’t overly prepared. I took the cookies out, put the just-thawed chicken breasts back in the fridge, and wondered what to do. Apparently I’m not at all like Ma Ingalls because I literally had no idea what to do. The house was super dark even though it wasn’t yet 5:00, what with the storm and black clouds. Eventually my husband came home and we all went out for dinner – being my car was trapped in the garage with the electric door. How dependent we are in this modern existence! God, I wouldn’t last a damn DAY on the old homestead. The power was off for over two and a half hours, but by the time we got home the power was on, the washer had finished its cycle, and I put the cookies back in the oven. Note: they turned out way flatter than normal but still were edible, so if you should ever be in a similar situation, try re-baking. It works, apparently.

The other day I was watching the news and there was this guy, Michael Bridge, playing the accordion. Now, my “experience” with the accordion is hearing the polka and while polkas are fun and all, they are not exactly remarkable. THIS GUY. He played a few tunes of a classical bent, and then suddenly ripped out with Sweet Child of Mine. On the accordion. It was the single most amazing thing I’d seen, music-wise, and I’ve been scouring the internet trying to find a video of it. No such luck, but if you find it, please let me know. A friend, after hearing about my fascination with this accordion-playing wunderkind, sent me this video and while it’s not an accordion, it IS pretty cool. A ukulele version of Billie Jean? Sign me up!

My productive week is almost at its end; this afternoon I will be watching two and a half hours of a karate tournament and demonstration, and tomorrow I will also be at a karate shiah tournament, and so I feel like my new identity as a sports mom is complete. I’m totally going to be Lynn Raisman, just give me a couple of years.

Empty Nest Overcompensation

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The kids are in karate camp this week, which means that I am kid-free for SEVEN HOURS A DAY. This is not something that happens ever, even during the school year, since they come home for lunch. I seem to be compensating for this empty nest by DOING ALL THE THINGS. I have been unbelievably productive, to the point where I’m starting to question my sanity. I mean, do I really need to be frantically busy every second that the children are not here just because they’re not here? Do I need to seize every single moment to do something useful or work-related? It’s not like they are toddlers; I can actually accomplish things when they are at home.

In the face of all this me-time, I did what any girl would do: book an appointment for a dental cleaning and check-up. Perhaps not the most hedonistic thing to do but my dental experience has improved exponentially by the introduction of an electrosonic dental-scaler. Maybe it’s hydrosonic. I don’t know, in any case it’s so much better than the old-school scalers of yore which would leave me with bleeding gums and in a foul mood for the remainder of the day. (note to self: floss EVERY day). I used to think that a Pap smear was highly preferable to dental scaling but the advent of this electro/hydro thingy, and my recent experience with a substitute OB/GYN who could only be described as “ham handed” has me singing a different tune. I mean, it wasn’t exactly a trip to the spa, but then again I’m not desperate for me-time pampering, given that I just had a weekend at my parents in which I was completely spoiled. For one thing, my mom and I had pedicures and lunch out; for another thing, I spent hours like this:

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And watching this:

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And also consuming lots of wine and chips and other tasty things. So, I’m feeling pretty relaxed going into this nearly kid-free week, with the only stressors being a) packing lunches and b) making sure the kids are covered in sunscreen before 8:30 am. This is more challenging than it sounds; apparently I’m off my school-year game.

Another thing I’ve saved to do this week is bra shopping. My very favourite black bra finally gave up the ghost, as I uncomfortably discovered when the underwire broke loose. I had to walk around wearing my ridiculous “for special occasions” push up bra. I just wanted a regular bra, not one that would “add two cup sizes”, not one that is described as “sexy” or “flirty”, just an everyday bra to wear under everyday tank tops. A trip to Victoria’s Secret was in order! You all know how I love Victoria’s Secret: the pretty, generous, and nicely lit change rooms, the fancy displays, the sweet and business-like salesgirls who don’t yell at you for wearing the wrong bra size like the ladies who work in The Bay. Now, I know it’s not for everyone, but for us run-of-the-mill B cups, Victoria’s Secret is excellent. Plus they have this Body by Victoria collection, and it is amazing. Super soft, non-ridiculous bras.

Speaking of ridiculous, look what I saw at the mall:

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A one-piece, strapless, DENIM short set. Why. WHY.

Nicole’s Favourite Things – Summer Loving

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I love summer. I love heat, I love sunshine, I love seasonal berries and vegetables, I love not feeling like my hands and feet are those of a ninety-year-old woman’s. Despite – or perhaps because of – my propensity to schedule and organize everything to the minute throughout the school year, I love having lazy unscheduled days. I love writing ONE activity on my calendar: “afternoon swimming!” or “zoo?”. I love the fact that I’m still in my sweaty yoga clothes at 10:00 in the morning and the boys are in their pajamas some days until noon. Sure, around September I will somewhat willingly switch my sandals for boots and my tank tops for sweaters but for now? I’m soaking up every minute I can of this (strangely warm and glorious) summer.

It’s time for Nicole’s Favourite Things – the summer edition! Reminder: all products mentioned are not sponsored in any way. I am not in any way being compensated for this post – I just love these things and want to share!

Nicole’s Favourite Things – Summer Loving

Sun Protection

At least once a week I like to take the boys to the local outdoor pool. What’s not to love? It’s a big sunny area with some shade, grass, and picnic tables. Ice cream sandwiches cost $2 and it’s a great meeting place for friends. My kids are at the age where they can swim and I can hang out and watch them. I love soaking up that Vitamin D but I don’t want to look like a) an Oompa Loompa, b) a leather purse, or c) an apple doll. I also have known people who have died from melanoma and so I cannot emphasize the importance of sun protection.

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I’m going to get on my soapbox now and tell you that there is ONE way to safely apply sunscreen, and that is NOT at the pool when you have already been exposed to the sun. I am wagging my lecturing finger at you right now if you are someone who gets to the pool, hangs out for half an hour, notices skin pinking up, and THEN applies sunscreen. NO. DO NOT DO THAT. There is one way to do it and that is to apply it to your body after your shower: naked and in front of the mirror. I know! Who wants to stare at themselves naked and covered with sunscreen? No one, but it’s important. I am generally not a “spray” girl – I haven’t been a fan of aerosol sprays since 1988 when I realized that my Salon Selectives addiction and my penchant for vertical bangs were in part responsible for the destruction of the ozone layer – but I love these Neutrogena “Wet Skin” and “Beach Defense” sprays. I can spray my whole back and I don’t have to rely on anyone else to help me. This is how you get bikini ready – it has nothing to do with diet, in my opinion, and everything to do with getting sunscreen on your back by yourself. I only use the spray on my back; for the rest I love Hawaiian Tropic. It smells like vacation!  For my face I like Ultra-Sheer Water Light, which doesn’t make my face all shiny and oily. DON’T FORGET TO REAPPLY. Also, if you’re reapplying, and it’s windy, don’t use a spray. The spray will get carried away in the wind and it will be ineffective. This seems obvious but based on the number of people I’ve seen applying spray in the wind, it needs to be said.

For the first time ever I bought a sun hat. It’s gigantic and ridiculous and makes me feel like I’m wearing a sombrero, but it keeps the sun off my face – who wants wrinkles? – and off my shoulders, which are usually the first thing to burn. I bought it at La Vie En Rose, from their Aqua collection. They have some great sales on right now, including on their beach cover-ups, so check it out!

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Another benefit of wearing a giant hat? My processed hair doesn’t get over-dry and bleached by the sun.

My Garden

The problem with Calgary is that it’s largely colourless for so much of the year. When it is finally, finally gardening season I go all out. I have something blooming all the time in my garden.

 

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These annuals were called “Strawberry Shortcakes” at the garden centre. Am I made of stone? No. I had to have them.

 

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These Siberian irises were planted by the original owners of our home. I love watching them bloom every year. The blooms are almost done now, so I have to enjoy them while they last.

 

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I planted three new John Cabot roses this year, and this is one of the new ones. Blooming already!

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This is one of my old John Cabot roses. It was just budding when I took this photo a week ago; now it’s covered in blooms!

 

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Love my little garden Buddha.

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Barkley!

 

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Gratuitous Barkley shot.

 

Summer Style

I’m not going to go all Adam Glassman on you and tell you what I think of shorts. You probably already know. But, as someone once said to me when I went on a diatribe about shorts, It’s not about style. It’s about practicality. It’s true that in the winter I don’t wear an ankle length puffy coat with gigantic Sorel boots because it’s stylish; I wear such items so I don’t die when I walk the dog or pick up the kids. But people, let me speak up in favour of the running skirt.

A running skirt is an amazingly cute little number that has shorts underneath. It is genius. Cool, comfortable, and no fear of wardrobe malfunctions.

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I know, two colours AT THE SAME TIME. What is the world coming to? Barkley obviously is confused.

 

Skirts are great too; I bought a couple of super-comfy ones on sale at Old Navy for about ten dollars.

Essential Oils

My friend Julie told me about DoTerra essential oils, and while I wasn’t exactly skeptical – I love that crazy hippie stuff – I wasn’t over-the-moon excited either. I mean, I was happy to use lavender oil on my myriad mosquito bites and lemon oil to deodorize the bathroom, but it wasn’t totally life-changing. And then I tried the cleaning products. Dear reader, I am not exaggerating in the least when I say the DoTerra On Guard cleaner and oil have revolutionized my life. This is a discovery on par with green smoothies. It’s antiviral, antibacterial, and it is THE most powerful cleaner I’ve ever used, and that includes bleach-based products. I’m doing weird things like cleaning out my kitchen compost bin and the bathroom garbage can JUST so I can use this product, which smells like cinnamon and cloves. Now, you know I’m a vinegar-and-water kind of girl but to be honest, that always left my hardwood floors a bit streaky. I thought that was just the way it was with hardwood floors, and then I used a few drops of the On Guard oil in a spray bottle of water. My floors are amazing. All summer long the kids are leaving bare footprints on the floor and the dog is tracking in dirt with his “I walked through wet grass and then through the garden” paws. But this has CHANGED MY LIFE.

 

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The Terra Shield works great as a bug spray, for those of us who are constantly covered in gigantically swollen mosquito bites. Mosquitoes are the one downside to summer.

 

Cold Snacks and Drinks

A little self-promotion here: I have been making frozen treats for myself and the kids constantly this summer, and have been posting them over at Yummy Mummy Club. Click the photo to go to the recipe!

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Knock-off DIY Frappucino

 

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The kids love these fudgsicles!

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DIY Dole Whip

 

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Chocolate soft-serve – no ice cream maker required!

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Key Lime Pie – made with avocados!

 

Also, you all know I’m a red wine girl. But sometimes it’s actually too hot for red wine. I know! I hardly know who I am anymore either. But I’ve been making cosmopolitans like nobody’s business lately, and the recipe will be up at Yummy Mummy Club next week! Stay tuned! In the meantime…

Cosmos

Is it me, or when anyone says “Cosmo” do you think “Kramer”? If these pretzels are making you thirsty, maybe try a Cosmo to alleviate things.

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I had to do a LOT of testing to get JUST the right proportions. The sacrifices I make for this job!

And now, dear reader, I turn it over to you – what are your favourite things about summer? Are you a summer lover or can you not wait until September? Tell me everything. xo

These are the people in my neighbourhood.

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Proving my theory that every single day is special, yesterday was International Kissing Day, followed by today’s festivities – International Chocolate Day. I think I can get behind this romantic turn of events. Just this morning as I was opening up my drapes, I noticed my across-the-street neighbour walking his girlfriend to her car, kissing her goodbye. Awwww! Sweet! My across-the-street neighbour is not exactly the grand prize to womanhood, so I’m very happy to see him with a lady friend. In related news, I am now in the running for the nosy neighbour on the street. I’m in competition with all of the octogenarians in the surrounding houses.

Years ago, one of my across-the-street neighbours was a man in his eighties, and he had a girlfriend who was probably about 65. They were both widowed, and every Saturday night they would go to 5:00 mass together, then to the Legion for dinner and dancing. It was one of the cutest things ever. One Sunday morning I was opening the drapes to witness Henry walking Frieda to her car and kiss her goodbye; moments later Henry’s adult children pulled up for a visit. It made the romance a little more illicit in my eyes. The moral of this story is that romance is ageless. This is good to know for those days in the future when I’m an orange-haired old lady with bleeding lipstick in my slacks-and-pumps with plastic white purse containing a roll of mints and a change purse.

Ah, romance. It’s everywhere, from the sanitation worker across the street to the teenaged ride operators at the amusement park, from the elderly man down the street who told me his secret to over half a century of happy marriage was saying “Yes, Dear” right to my own home. Yes, the romance is alive at the Boyhouse, even if no one appreciates my kale chips or my version of The Greatest Love of All.

I’ve been re-reading the Anne of Green Gables series, which I haven’t read since I was a kid. I love them as much now as I did then; maybe more. I love the old-timey romance and the descriptions of the college girls entertaining their gentleman callers decorously in the parlor, I love the descriptive details of the landscape and the furniture, but most of all I like how it follows a woman throughout what is really quite an ordinary life. All of us ordinary people are stars of our own stories; everybody’s life is book fodder.

The only thing that’s not great about the Anne books is all the ejaculating. “Anne, what do you think you’re doing?” Marilla ejaculated. Awkward!

It’s been warm and sunny here, happily enough. I’m driving around with the windows open in the car and wearing sleeveless shirts, and it feels wonderful. A man riding a motorbike was stopped in front of me at a red light, and he was wearing a shirt that said boldly, across the back, “Go Big Or Fuck Off”. It made me think of my across-the-alley neighbour who frequently wears a t-shirt that has a picture of a clock on it and the words “Fuck The Time”. I was driving the kids to school one day when he was wearing that shirt, having a conversation with the elderly lady from three doors down. He cheerfully waved; the boys were fascinated. Did you see his shirt, Mom? Do you think that Mrs. D noticed what it said? Yes, I did, and maybe? Then again, maybe she has cataracts.

The other day I was working in my back garden, and I could hear my next-door neighbour talking with her next-door neighbour – that’s Beeps’ “daddy”, for those of you who have been reading about the Boyhouse for a while. My ears perked up when I heard my name mentioned. Did Nicole change her hair? Beeps’ “daddy” asked loudly. Because it sure looks different. Was it always that colour? It seems awfully…red. I thought of Anne Shirley, and how she would flip whenever her hair was referred to as “red”, rather than “auburn”. I’m just glad mine wasn’t being referred to as “orange”. I wondered if I should make my presence known, but then I decided to stay quiet just in case they started gossiping about me. Sadly, the conversation moved on to tree pruning and the weather, so I never did find out about my hair’s approval rating in the neighbourhood.

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For the record, I did not change my hair. But my roots ARE out of control.

A 1970s Summer, But With Helmets and Seatbelts and Sunscreen

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It’s hard to believe that one week ago today was the last day of school. It feels like much, much longer, but not in a bad way. We just got back from three nights at my parents’ lake house and it was wonderful. But of course! How could it help being anything but when everyone – including me and the dog – gets insanely spoiled by Grandma and Grandpa? If anyone needs me I’ll be detoxing from my wine and chip consumption.

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There’s a lot of buzz around a certain theme this summer – a give your kids a 1970s style summer theme. I read the original article, smiled nostalgically, and was only a little surprised to find out a few days later that this idea, the idea of a free-range, lots-of-TV, drink-from-the-garden hose kind of summer had been taken very seriously. I didn’t realize that it was meant to be taken any way but as a heart warming nostalgia piece, but evidently, I misjudged the internet.

I don’t remember too much about the seventies – I was still pretty young – but I do remember watching The Dukes of Hazzard as a child. Age-appropriate shows weren’t exactly a thing back then, but fortunately, the law-breaking, moonshine-running plots went over my little bowlcut-sporting head. I was twenty-three before I realized that the underlying theme for Three’s Company was that Jack was pretending to be gay so he could live with two girls. I literally had no idea. I just remember feeling mild resentment that I, as a brunette, was forced to be on Team Janet. Add that to the Little House on the Prairie books – Beautiful Golden-Haired Mary versus Very Bad Brunette Laura – as well as the fact my best friend had thick, wavy, white-blonde hair, and it’s no wonder I have hair issues.

But back to the Dukes of Hazzard: while at my parents’ place, we went into town for the Canada Day festivities. A few blocks off the main street is this amazing place:

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I did not go in, despite the exciting claims of “Daily Food” and “Patio Pool Table”. But oh, how I wanted to.

Sunday had pretty much the worst possible weather imaginable for late June – high winds, pouring rain, and a high temperature of thirteen degrees Celsius. And here’s where the 1970s summer comes in: in the absence of video games and other technological distractions, Mark and I played approximately one million games of Go Fish, only one of which I won. Jake and I played a 40 minute game of War, and the only reason it ended at 40 minutes is because I eventually put a time limit on it. It was like playing a low-rent version of Risk. Mark made up his own games by drawing Pokemon and making little cards, and Jake played a game racing various Hot Wheels against each other.

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Eventually the rain stopped and we sent the boys OUTSIDE.

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Clothing wise, it does seem like we are having a 1970s summer. Last week I took the boys to the local amusement park, and I felt like some kind of fashion anthropologist, pinning the year onto the styles all the kids were wearing. We arrived at the park and there were busloads of teens from surrounding rural areas, clearly on an end of school celebratory trip. The temperature was about eighteen degrees, but the girls were almost exclusively dressed in Daisy Duke short-shorts and tank tops. A few had sweaters around their waists that their mothers probably forced on them. The only thing that was confusing to this fashion anthropologist was that I counted four pairs of overall shorts and one pair of acid-washed short shorts, which seemed more eighties than seventies.

Since there were so many people arriving at the park, the boys and I made a beeline for one of their favourite rides, the Dream Weaver, which is basically a bunch of swings that go around in circles high in the air. The boys jumped into the very short line, and I snapped a picture of their angelically happy faces. Look at those angels!

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They must be so excited and happy to get on the ride, one might think from looking at this photo. In reality, they are looking in an amused way at the swings that were stuck high up in the air. “EVERYBODY STAY CALM!” screamed the operator. “STAY IN YOUR SEATS WITH THE SEATBELT SECURELY FASTENED!” I’m not sure if anyone was about to quickly unbuckle and jump thirty feet down just to be free of the Dream Weaver, but in any case, we steered clear of the ride for the remainder of the day, even after the maintenance people deemed it ride-worthy.

With the Dream Weaver off our radar for the day, the boys chose to participate in a water gun activity in which they were paired against a couple of teen boys, and let me tell you, nothing gets my kids’ spirits up like the idea of a battle challenge. They didn’t win.

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They were happy with their efforts, and didn’t complain at all about spending the day in soaking wet clothes. Later we had peanut butter sandwiches and bought cotton candy, which seemed ridiculously expensive. What is the markup on a $5.50 bag of cotton candy? I’m guessing $5?

Cotton candy, card games, and broken carnival rides – maybe it’s going to be more of a 1970s summer than I thought! In any case, a great first week. xo

School’s Out!

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Almost all my “last day of school” photos feature the kids wearing fleece-lined, windproof jackets and jeans because this is Calgary, and goddamn if Mother Nature is going to listen to anyone bitching about the “heat”. You don’t like the “heat”, motherfuckers? How about rain and gale-force winds then? HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

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Seriously, Mother Nature talks like that. She’s practically a sailor.

So thank goodness I took a photo of them yesterday, when it was sunny and beautiful and the camera didn’t almost get blown out of my hands by the wind:

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Yesterday was a bit of a rough day. It was an emotional roller coaster for everyone. Mark is sad because two of his close friends are going to a different school next year, and Jake is sad because his teacher is leaving the school. Both boys are excited for summer activities and they started their orange belt class yesterday, so it was an up/down/upside down oscillation yesterday. We’re sad! And angry! And excited! And happy! And nervous! And sad again. As for me, it’s “ladies’ holidays” so I was having a low energy, low spirits, high discomfort day, so dealing with all the emotion was about as fun as it sounds.

Then I was driving down our alley and I noticed something strange sticking out on the gravel. I slowed right down and then hit the brakes, gasping. It was a human arm. It’s not everyday you see a human arm so after I said omigod omigod to myself several times I looked again. Fortunately the arm was attached to a person, who was largely hidden by some garbage bags and a duffel bag. Also fortunately, the man was drunkenly passed out on the gravel, and not dead, as I kind of feared.

Today seems much less drama free, which is a happy thing. Our home telephone is now magically fixed, after hours and hours of the repairman switching cables and drilling things into the side of our house, and working on the pole, but not in a glittery way. At first I was wondering if we were going to be those people who get rid of their landlines, because the repairman and supervisor were completely puzzled. They’d “never seen anything like this before,” which was moderately unsettling, like our phone line was the Nancy Spungen of phone lines – out of control and no one is sure why. But now it’s fixed and I’m receiving calls from telemarketers and automated voices telling me that there may be an issue with my credit card; please enter your credit card number now. I’m sure glad we got that fixed!

Happy summer, everyone! Here’s to a summer of relaxation and fun, and lots of margaritas too.

What do Count Almasy and Elaine Benes have in common?

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You know how some pop-culture moments stay with you for many years after their relevance has dissipated? Nothing dates a person faster than saying something like “Where’s the beef?” or “How YOU doin’?” and yet, I find myself unable to stop. If I’m making lasagne, I constantly say “VEGETABLE LASAGNE” like Elaine Benes, if I’m making hummus I say “This hummus is amazing. God bless the chickpea.” Probably right now you’re thinking how awesome it must be to live with me. I’m a barrel of fun! Just ask my husband and kids.

*note: my husband and kids would not say I am a barrel of fun.*

On this vein, when something occurs more than a few days in a row, I am reminded of Count Almasy in the English Patient, when he leaves Katharine in the desert to go get help. “I have been walking…I have been WALKING…for THREE DAYS…I do not want to spell my name.” Today I looked out the window at the pouring rain and said to myself in a fake Hungarian accent, It has been raining…FOR THREE DAYS…I do not want to walk the dog.

It’s been pouring rain here; the house is completely dark and no matter how well I wipe Barkley’s feet there are paw prints all over the floor. There’s only one week left of school and as always during the last week of school, it feels like a lot of effort, just putting one foot in front of the other. Just keep going! One more week! On the upside, the hostas are looking great and the grass is really green! I had optimistically written “weeding!” on my list of things to do today, but it looks like that is going to be a tomorrow job. Hopefully.

The sun is supposed to come out tomorrow, and so today I’m going to focus on Things That Make Me Smile.

Search Terms For This Blog

Nothing cheers me up faster than seeing how people come to read this blog *waves at all of you*. Here are popular search terms for this blog from the past 30 days:

jaminals – well, I can see that. I did write a post featuring jaminals.

why is a man’s forearm sexy – I’m not sure where this came from.

naked woman gardening in house – ditto. I don’t garden naked in the house. I don’t even have plants in the house.

huge boners – um

play in soccer in the freezing point of rain with pneumonia – sadly, this was an actual topic of a post back in 2011 when Mark had pneumonia and still wanted to go to soccer practice.

fat whore – huh

I drink green smoothie my tongue swell – CALL THE DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY!

and my personal favourite:

I watch my neighbor’s boyfriend wear panties outside.

Godspeed, internet searcher. Godspeed.

This Video With Little Hamsters Eating Little Burritos

I dare you to watch this and not be instantly happy.

This Amazing Internet Commentary

My friend Annabel posted this about a rainbow cake recipe that inspired an apocalypse of commentary, and it is pretty much my favourite thing I’ve ever read. I laughed until I cried and had stomach pains. As an economist, I appreciate how Keynesian economic theory gets mentioned, along with some uncivil discourse on the etymology of the word “liberal”. As one commenter so aptly says, “Shit’s getting real up on the recipe comments.”

Ah, I can only dream of the day when one of my recipes inspires a fascist versus communist, helicopter versus free-range parent comment war. You just never know what will set people off. I’m a member of several vegan discussion boards and often one member will casually mention “honey” or “owning cats” and ninety comments later you wonder what just happened. Whoa nelly. I remember several years back when a friend casually mentioned Esperanto on her personal blog, saying it was a silly, made-up language. She was instantly inundated with comments from the Esperanto Society. There are people who will argue anything, and that includes, apparently, a rainbow cake with numbers in it. As one of the commenters said, “Lmaooooooooooo”.