Category Archives: Playtime

According to Buzzfeed, Elvis is my boyfriend from a past life.

Posted on by

Happy Belated Thanksgiving! I had full intentions of writing an emotionally-charged gratitude/ thankfulness post, but then my post-Blissdom cold morphed into a Super Cold which left me unable to sleep or function in a semi-coherent way. I was also at my in-laws’ for five days and now I’m catching up – again – on the mountain of laundry that somehow appeared although I actually did laundry twice whilst at my in-laws’. I also cannot comprehend the date: how is it halfway through October? Jake was looking at his calendar last night and said “Hey, it won’t be too long until Christmas, and then I get a new calendar. The year is just flying by!” Tell me about it.

I’m thankful for many things, not the least of which is the approximately one hundred pounds of apples I currently have in my house, and the fifty pounds of grapes. Fruit leather, coming up. Now that I think about it, I really am not sure why I thought this was an appropriate amount of fruit to take home, but there it is. My husband suggested last night that I make some grape juice, but the thought of the juicer and the insane cleanup afterwards just seemed overwhelming, especially after we spent the majority of the day in the car. Fortunately there was not much traffic, and so my husband had very few people to swear at; another thing to be thankful for.

I was so sick last week that I actually missed a School Council/ Parent Association meeting. Such a thing has never happened before. I made it to the meeting, but my friend looked at me and said “Um, I think you should go home. NOW.” Meanwhile, I blinked at her uncomprehendingly. What? Nicole doesn’t understand. By all accounts it was quite the dramatic meeting so I guess it was for the best, since I probably would have passed out, drooling on my notes, while the activity took place. Staring blankly into space and drooling is probably not the best way to chair a meeting, although it might be an interesting experiment.

There was a music tag game going around last night, in which one puts their music on shuffle and notes down the songs that come up. It’s quite an interesting portrait, this peek into people’s playlists. Here’s mine, and I must note that I thought I had written down ten songs, but it was pointed out to me that I actually wrote down nine. I was a queen in calculus but apparently I can’t count to ten. I blame the road trip!

Nicole’s Shuffle Playlist: My Personality, as represented by music

Dreadlock Holiday (I don’t like reggae. I love it.)

Islands in the Stream (Sail away with me. To another world.)

Fast Car (Take your fast car and keep on driving.)

Me and Mrs Jones (We got a thiiiiiiing going onnnnnnn)

Nights on Broadway (Blaming it all on the nights on Broadway. Blaming them love songs. Blaming them straight to the heart songs)

Linda Put The Coffee On (I got sunshine and red wine, a friend of mine taking it easy)

Thrift Shop (Is that your grampa’s coat?)

Over My Head (And it sure feels nice)

BUST A MOVE (Okay smarty, go to a party.)

When I did this exercise, I actually fretted for a moment, as to whether or not I should post these songs. I mean, Islands in the Stream? Really? There are two ways to face it: with total confidence that this is a fabulously eclectic collection of music, or with shame. I’m going for the former.

meandboys

Happy Thanksgiving!

No Cash Cab, But Heart-Pumping Cab Rides Anyway.

Posted on by

So I didn’t get to ride in the Cash Cab, but I did have a fabulous time in Toronto (well, Mississauga, really) this weekend. I had been fretting a little that I was leaving the kids for too long but they were absolutely fine. Everyone had a great time and as my husband said, It’s GOOD if they miss you. It’s good for them. It’s true, of course.

And I had a great time – I was busy enough not to miss the children desperately, and I met so many wonderful people (*waves at everyone*). All the late nights, the constant hugging and handshaking, and the less-than-perfect nutrition (read: snack mix and Bellinis for dinner) has caught up with me, since I’m nursing a cold. Post-conference illness, it’s a real thing. Not to mention flying; airplanes are just one giant petri dish of recycled air that I don’t want to think about too much. Someone told me once that airplane seatbelts have very high levels of fecal matter on them, apparently from people not washing their hands after using the teensy little lavatory. Ew! I have always had slight misgivings about headrests as possibly housing lice of epidemic proportions, but happily my headrest was vinyl.

Despite the germ-factory that is an airplane, I really do love flying. It’s so exciting, the thought that in a few short hours I’ll be somewhere totally different! Adventure awaits; it’s the miracle of flight. I remember the first time we took the kids on a winter vacation, how amazed they were that we could leave a snow-and-ice filled city, and just a few hours later land somewhere warm and full of flowers and green grass. It’s truly wonderful, and I still get a little thrill about it. Also, there’s something really nice about being forced to be inactive for a while. It’s kind of nice to just stay in your seat, watch a movie, and eat cute little snacks from the cute little flight attendant.

And yet, there is a big downside to flying, and that is other people. Most people, I think, are kind and decent, but it’s a one bad apple kind of situation. On the flight home, there was a dog on the plane. It was a little dog, like a “purse dog” and the poor puppy whimpered and/or barked the WHOLE TIME. Now, I’m a dog lover, and I’m sure that dog’s ears were in pain with take-off and landing, but OMG. People, a high-pitched whimper for four hours. My husband had given me his fancy noise-cancelling headphones, so I was able to tune out for most of the time, but take-off and landing were agonizingly noisy. I would far rather be next to a screaming baby than be anywhere near a whimpering dog.

Further to that, I would rather be on a flight with a whimpering purse dog than with the crazy woman behind me on the flight to Toronto. According to my friend who was seated behind her, this crazy lady put her headphones down on the seat behind her, where they evidently fell off. The woman then looked around her to find the headphones, and noticed an older lady in the row behind her who was wearing a pair that were the exact same colour and style. What are the chances? The older lady must have stolen them, or so said Headphone Lady. “My headphones were here, and now they’re not. It’s funny that you have a pair exactly like the ones I JUST lost.” The older lady explained they were her own headphones, to which Headphone Lady replied, sharply, “If you wanted to BORROW my headphones, you could have asked!”

Slight digression: who on earth would ask to borrow a stranger’s headphones, and for that matter, who on earth would loan out their earbud style headphones to a complete stranger in the row behind them? That’s pretty gross, and also very weird considering that Air Canada just hands out headphones, free of charge.

All through the huffy exchange, to which several witnesses said that the older lady had been wearing the headphones for a while, and had not picked them up off the floor but taken them from her purse, I fretted that this would turn into some sort of strange headphone brawl and the plane would have to turn around. Remember the Bubble Guppies lady (who was not a robot) of just a few weeks ago, who got into some trouble over headphone-related anguish? I was a bit worried this would happen and we’d be forced to land in Winnipeg or somewhere and I’d be late for the Yummy Mummy Club meeting. Everyone just stay calm, I wanted to yell, there are enough headphones for everyone on board this aircraft. After landing, when we were all deplaning, my friend noticed the headphones lying on the floor, thus proving that the headphone-wearing older lady did not, in fact, steal the other woman’s headphones.

Headphones aside, it was a great weekend. Here are some of my favourite photos:

072

PJ’s and Bellinis

Carny

The Lentil Carnival, on the red carpet with the creepiest carny ever, with the possible exception of the guys who would grope teen girls while buckling them into roller coaster rides at the Calgary Stampede during the 80s and 90s.

strongman

The strong man at the Lentil Carnival. I asked him if he felt objectified, and he said he was paid to be objectified. Which doesn’t make it BETTER, muscular guy in little shorts.

carnival

And then he picked me up and my hands got all oily from inadvertently touching him, so that was kind of odd.

MeAndDan

I spent most of my time at the YMC booth, alongside Daniel Thompson Beauty, who is a goddamn makeup genius.

YMC

YMC girls, and Cheryl Hickey from ET!

redheads

Pretend redhead hanging with Catherine from Always a Redhead!

ekapada

Bellini-induced eka pada sirsasana, in the hotel hallway.

The time that seemed as if it would never end seems as if it never was.

Posted on by

There is exactly one week left of summer vacation, and I have to tell you, I’m a little glum about it. It’s been an epic summer, really, with great weather and lots of sunshine and water and happiness. And I know that I’ll be happy to get back into routine and I’ll be happy to be able to write more than a few words without hearing prolonged discussions about imaginary characters named “Dim Sum” or “Marmoy” – or worse, be asked to watch a YouTube video made by some guy named Blitzwinger who has apparently attained fame and fortune by making videos of himself playing video games and showing his audience cheat codes. I will, however, be unhappy to give up our lazy mornings, and I’m not exactly looking forward to my usual plethora of volunteer activities. But time marches on, and meanwhile I’ll be enjoying this last week of summer.

Nosehill

Nature walk!

 

nosehill2

At the top.

nosehill3

Sunshine.

nosehill4

We even saw deer, and my dog proved his intelligence by NOT running after them. Way to go, Barkley.

We had been planning this nature walk today, but I was considering just being completely lazy and staying home, for the very valid reason that I’m exhausted today. I am exhausted because of television. Yes. I considered not taking the kids and dog for a walk because I was too tired due to the television show I’ve been watching, just in case you wanted to feel better about your own life decisions.

The thing is, I’ve been watching a miniseries called Sensitive Skin, and I watched the final episode of the season last night. In case you don’t know, the show is about a fiftyish woman having a midlife crisis, and the episode I watched yesterday was so very sad. It was so sad I kept thinking about it, and couldn’t sleep, and then I started thinking about The Good Wife. I know, you’ve been watching The Good Wife for years, but I just started and I’m finding the whole backstory concept to be devastating. She had a perfect marriage and life and house and the whole time her husband was a horrible cheating bastard. So I lay awake last night, my mind flitting between the two shows, wondering why I don’t just stick with watching Downton Abbey and NYPD Blue DVD’s. Watching Sipowitz bust a perp by rolling down the blinds and threatening to beat him to death is much less disturbing, apparently.

My cousin posted a fun game on Facebook, wherein you post your favourite line from a book. Because I am a huge nerd, I immediately ran downstairs to my bookshelves and grabbed an armful of titles. Then I realized that I would completely hijack her account with my ramblings, so why not blog it? Is that not what a blog is for, like a really long Facebook status?

Here’s the thing: I don’t want to be left hanging. I’m going to expose myself to you via favourite quotes, and I hope you can leave your favourite quote(s) in the comments. Let’s make a game of it; I’ll do a random draw…next week? Winner gets a random prize! Prize to be determined, contest closes September 5. It’ll be fun!

Favourite Line Ever: I thought Jem and I would get grown but there wasn’t much else left for us to learn, except possibly algebra. (To Kill a Mockingbird)

Favourite Line About Career Aspirations: Move about after dinner, and meet acquaintance whose name I have forgotten, but connect with literature. I ask if he has published anything lately. He says that his work is not, and never can be, for publication. Thought passes through my mind to the effect that this attitude might with advantage be adopted by many others. (Diary of a Provincial Lady)

Favourite Romantic Line: “In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings must not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” (Pride and Prejudice)

Favourite Old-Timey Romantic Line: Taffy. He thinks about taffy. He thinks about how it would take his teeth out now, but he would eat it anyway, if it meant eating it with her. (Five People You Meet In Heaven)

Favourite Line About Motherhood That Goes With My Landslide-y Mood: I had to sleep close beside them at night and sit with them climbing around me in the daytime; my body felt bruised by their knees and elbows and feet. I did think then that it would be lovely to be a woman traveling alone, able to sit after a meal drinking coffee and looking out the window, able to go to the club car and have a drink…now all that time of care and confusion that seemed as if it would never end seems as if it never was. (The Spanish Lady)

SOB.

Your turn: is there a line from a book that affects you so that you close the book and stare at the wall?

Three Things

Posted on by

After an entire summer of beautiful, sunny, warm weather, it is suddenly cold, dark, and rainy. There are a few red leaves on my Mayday tree, and the heat clicked on this morning. Brrr. I bit the bullet yesterday, and donned socks and ankle boots, instead of the sandals and ballet flats I’ve been wearing all summer. The boys willingly put on their fleece-lined jackets to take the dog for a walk, which is really saying something.

In the face of all this damp chill, tomorrow is my brother’s wedding, and it’s an outdoor ceremony. I have only one thing to say, and that is that outdoor weddings are for the very optimistic, especially in Alberta.

A friend of mine had posted “Three Weird Things” on her Facebook yesterday, and I was suddenly inspired to do the same. I’m going to share three strange facts about myself, and I would love it if you did the same!

1) When I was very young, I apparently thought that growing up was a metamorphic free-for-all, because I wanted to be a flower. Repeat: I wanted to be a flower when I grew up. I can remember feeling actually devastated when I realized that flowers DIE in the winter. Yes, they might be perennial, and they might self-seed, but they DIE. After this terrible realization, I amended my life goals.

2) My favourite childhood treat was Pink Elephant popcorn, which my dad would buy for me when I’d go with him to run errands. I loved those boxes of pink popcorn; pink was my favourite colour and I believe there was also a prize inside.

3) When I was sixteen, I was in a play called “Buried Child”, which was all about incest and infanticide. It was staged at my high school, which seems alarming and unbelievable. I played Shelley, and in one of the scenes I carried a prosthetic leg around. There was an awkward scene where a character shoved his hand in my mouth; thinking of the hygiene of high school boys, I shudder.

buriedchild

A photo taken from my high school yearbook – I was in rehearsal.

 

Your turn! Tell me three weird things about yourself – the weirder, the better. Can you top wanting to be a flower? xo

Super Controversial Opinions

Posted on by

Last weekend we went to see Guardians of the Galaxy, where I found out that there is a 20 year anniversary screening of Forrest Gump, and also a remake of Annie. This is delightful news on all fronts. Forrest Gump was probably my favourite movie of the nineties; best scene ever was the one from the Black Panther party, with Hey Joe blaring in the background. And Annie – what’s not to love? A modern day remake that still includes Hard Knock Life? I’m sure it’s controversial but I say bring it on.

Guardians of the Galaxy, though. We seldom see movies in the theatre, and even more seldom do I enjoy those movies. For every delight like The Lego Movie, there’s a snore-fest like Man of Steel, or a movie that’s completely baffling and incomprehensible to me, like Thor. Going to the movies as a family means that the movies are almost always way too violent and action-y for my taste. But Guardians of the Galaxy was funny and entertaining, with a great soundtrack and a surprising revelation. Chris Pratt, shirtless. In that all-too-brief scene, I actually gasped, and then looked at my husband. I think he’s been working out I whispered loudly. Whatever his workout regime is, it seems to be effective. This is not Parks and Rec.

Speaking of excellent soundtracks, today marks the 37th anniversary of Elvis’ death, and although I think it’s a little creepy to commemorate a celebrity’s passing, I always remember that. I know it’s controversial, but in my opinion his greatest song ever was Suspicious Minds, followed closely by Kentucky Rain and Always On My Mind. Fat sweaty jumpsuit-and-cape-wearing Elvis is much, much greater than fit, leather-pant-wearing Elvis. I’ve always loved all his music, though. I remember taping songs from records onto cassettes, using the family’s crappy old tape recorder. When I was 11 I read Elvis and Me until it fell apart. Does anyone else remember the made-for-TV movie, Elvis and Me? I was obsessed with it. Wait…I just googled it and it’s available on YouTube!  Beehive hairdos for the win.

Other Controversial Opinions I Hold

Making The Bed

I cannot sleep in an unmade bed. I don’t need hospital corners, but I do need the sheets, blankets, and duvet to be pulled up nice and neat every day. I also need to have the pillow shams on the pillows and decorative pillows on the bed during the day or my equilibrium is disturbed.

Richard Scarry

Richard Scarry is my favourite children’s book author. My favourite book as a child was Busy Busy World, and the kids have a library of his books, although they don’t read them anymore. I’m sure there’s something unsavoury about him – there seems to be something you don’t want to know about every children’s author – but I love his books and illustrations. I also used to love when the kids would watch Busytown Mysteries when they were small.

When Harry Met Sally Contains The Answer To All Of Life’s Problems

When in doubt, ask for it on the side. They don’t make Sunday underpants. Men and women can never really be friends. It’s really fun to say Waiter, there is too much pepper in my paprikash.

That “Have Sex Every Day” Lady Is Crazy

Every day? Seriously? We aren’t teenagers anymore, people. I’m tired just thinking about it! Doesn’t absence make the heart grow fonder (but not too much absence!). Hey, my husband is the sexiest guy ever. He’s a zillion times sexier than shirtless Chris Pratt. And yet, EVERY DAY? No.

Puppies Are Cuter Than Kitties

IMG_1618 IMG_1626 Barkley

 

Now. Here comes your part – where do you stand on these controversial issues? Don’t worry, we can still be friends, even if we disagree! xo

Wardrobe Malfunction

Posted on by

In case you’re wondering how scintillating I really am, let me tell you about my recurring dream in which I am folding laundry. That is all that I do in the dream; fold laundry. Even my dream self gets bored as I patiently fold shirts, towels, etc., and sort them into neat piles. Sometimes I’m able to wake myself up, like a person having a nightmare, by saying to my dream-self you’re having that boring dream again – wake up! Unfortunately, when I go back to sleep I often have my second recurring dream in which I’m making soup. Just me, stirring a large Dutch oven full of soup. Often the soup in question is eggplant soup, and sometimes I wonder if I should leave it chunky or puree it, and then I get out my blender. At this point I usually wake up.

If dreams indeed do mean anything at all, I wonder what these say about me. I’m afraid it wouldn’t be flattering.

But who needs exciting, anyway? The house has enough excitement without ME being a thrill-a-minute. While we were on vacation, I realized – not for the first time, nor for the last – that my husband truly is the fun parent. He’s the one cannonballing into the pool with the kids while I lazily float by, only in the water long enough to cool off before resuming my poolside book reading. He’s the one who could spend hours with them playing in the wave pool while I need to go warm up in the hot tub after ten minutes. He’s the one who takes them on epic bike rides and stages legendary water fights while I drink wine and gossip with my mother.

138

Me, hanging out lazily while my husband takes the kids on an epic ride in the utility vehicle.

It might be weird having two fun parents anyway; I mean, someone has to be the grim-faced harridan who oversees sunscreen application and adequate hydration and proper nutrition even while on holiday. So that someone might as well be me.

On occasion, I can be actually fun. I will go down any waterslide at a water park, I will go on any rollercoaster, and I even buy the kids the occasional sno cone or cotton candy, considering that all that sugar and food colouring is PROBABLY okay in moderation. We were at a very fun aquatic centre while on vacation, and the kids had a blast. They finished the afternoon by jumping off the diving board several times, and they urged me to join them. I declined, but then started to think that maybe I should. I should TRY to be fun, I want the kids to remember me as being occasionally adventurous and cool. I watched my husband do a spin jump off the diving board, to cheers from them, and so I decided yes. I hadn’t jumped off a diving board in thirty years but dammit, I can be fun too, I thought. I removed my hair band, patted my braid into place, and stepped onto the diving board. I jumped, then swam to the side. My husband looked at me for a moment, then informed me that my bikini top had not stayed where it was supposed to. Wardrobe malfunction! I fixed it and said that I hoped no one witnessed my embarrassment. He was silent for a moment, while I was briefly encouraged that I was right, that no one saw my nipple. Eventually he broke it to me; several people, including the lifeguards and the parents at the side of the pool, DID see. Oh.

Fun and exciting, it’s overrated. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some laundry to fold.

What to expect when you’re expecting tween boys.

Posted on by

You know when you’re a new mama, and you have all sorts of ideals in your mind as to how you’re going to raise your children. You imagine the summer days full of dappled sunlight where you are cannonballing into a turquoise pool with your children, or maybe eating homemade freeze pops on long, warm evening walks? Those days are great, to be sure, but what I never imagined was being schooled by my children in Cars 2 racing games on the Wii, or having intense conversations on which model of car will be best for which race track.

Also things I’d never thought I’d deal with: saying things like “Don’t put your foot on other people’s faces”, “Don’t elbow your brother in the crotch”, and “No farting or talking about poop at the table”, listening to a litany of complaints about the unfairness of a video game that blew up someone’s car just moments before the finish line, and finding papers in the recycling bin that are divided down the middle with “Marmots” on one side and “Haters” on the other, “Marmots vs. Haters” scrawled across the top. What is going on here? I don’t know.

After the busyness of last week, this week seems to be all about staying in our pajamas/ sweaty yoga clothes as long as possible and taking things slow. Monday I went to Costco with the kids so that felt like a gigantic accomplishment. There were the customary arguments about who gets to put that item into the cart so I had to ridiculously instigate a rule in which the children had to take turns being helpful. I also had to rule against the children trying to pick up flats of sparkling water that was half their body weight. As per every mother everywhere, I got talked into buying a few things that weren’t strictly necessary. Unlike every mother everywhere, those items were blankets. The boys fell in love with “Sherpa Throw Blankets” and it’s been a struggle to explain to them that this does not mean that Sherpas are being thrown around in these blankets. They’ve been walking around the cool basement wrapped in these soft blankets, the blankets trailing behind like they are medieval royalty. Another thing I didn’t expect would happen.

Lately in order to fill that hollow space in my heart left from Mad Men and Breaking Bad, I’ve been watching House of Cards. I oscillate between fascination and curiosity as to whether or not politics is really like that. I’m inclined to believe that it is, sadly enough. The kids, on the other hand, are obsessed with watching Wheel of Fortune. It’s considered to be a huge treat to watch Wheel of Fortune before bed, and I don’t know if you’ve watched it recently, but it’s pretty much the same as it was 30 years ago, except that occasionally Vanna White wears pantsuits. Pat Sajak is exactly the same as he always was. I also discovered that Alex Trebek is 74 years old! Isn’t that incredible? I would have never guessed.

I just said “If you guys are going to wrestle, don’t mush each other’s face in the carpet” and “Don’t kick the exercise ball into the air!” so it is time to close for the day and reflect on the strangeness and unexpectedness of daily life.