Category Archives: Luckiness

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Nifty and Fun Edition

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Thank you all for the lovely birthday wishes! In a misguided attempt at being celebratory, my body gifted me the most intense and prolonged perimenopausal symptoms I have ever had, for ten solid days. Coincidence? I don’t know, but this is a Favourite Things, and although I am Pro-Aging and aware that it is a privilege and a gift and not everyone gets to experience perimenopause, waking up with sweaty jammies and crushing fatigue are not my Favourite Things. Such topics will be discussed at a later date!

I did have a lovely birthday, with a trip to the garden centre for flowers, basil, tomatoes, and peppers. They have not been planted yet, but will be soon, and in the meantime all my little seedlings have sprouted, life is good. Strangely, on my birthday walk with Rex I did not encounter one person I knew. I ALWAYS have at least one conversation with walking regulars, and I was ready to tell them it was my birthday to receive good tidings for the day, but NOT ONE did I encounter. Next time I AM wearing that sandwich board.

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Nifty and Fun Edition

Feet Don’t Fail Me Now

In addition to wearing the contenders for the Ugliest House Sandals Award, I have also embraced middle age and purchased items from Dr. Scholls, specifically designed to relieve pain from plantar fasciitis. I put a pair of these into my trail runners for my daily walks, and they really have helped.

Turn That Frown Upside Down

A few weeks ago I was running errands ahead of my pedicure appointment, and as I approached the young man at the liquor store counter, he gasped. Well! You look lovely! he said with genuine enthusiasm, to which I responded with appropriate gratitude for the compliment. I mean it! You are so beautiful. Look at you! Your hair, your eyes, everything. I felt like Amy Sedaris in Elf, when Buddy tells her that she’s so pretty, she could be on a Christmas card. I strutted out of there, swinging my bottles of tequila like John Travolta’s paint cans.

On the way to the salon, I was stopped at a red light and the men in the utility truck beside me started giving me the eye. Wow, I thought, I really have it going on today! I strutted into the salon and as the esthetician started Dremelling off my polish, she asked if I had grandkids.

A few points to consider: I am 51, and I look 51, and it would not be strange to have grandkids at this age. I also hope that one day I do have grandkids, what a gift that would be. I did think it was a bit of an odd question, but I don’t want to judge anyone who works in a salon and who has to make small talk day in and day out. I’ve said some weird things myself while teaching yoga. I did not think it was an offensive question in any way, and I did not take offense.

That was before I learned that the reason she asked was because she thought I was the grandmother of her teenage son’s best friend.

My feelings on that discovery are not unrelated to the feelings I had when I was plucking my facial hair, looking into my “daylight” 10x magnifying mirror and noticed three faint vertical lines going up my forehead, in between my eyebrows. At first I thought I had, somehow, made three perfect lines in my forehead serum, but no. These are permanent features. I have long accepted my horizontal lines, as they have evolved from a lifetime of raising my eyebrows or otherwise making happy faces.

But these lines seem to be a result of frowning, which I do not like.

In any case, I use The Ordinary Multi-Peptide HA Serum on my forehead every day. It doesn’t turn back time – nothing does, short of injections or surgery – but I do think it helps slow the line-developing process. Maybe I’m frowning more than I think I am! I will have to address that. First step: stop reading the news.

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger?

My friend Sharyl (HI SHARYL) has been an inspiration for many years now. She took me under her wing when I first started teaching yoga, and she had me assist, co-teach, and then take over her Yoga for Stroke Survivors class. That experience taught me more about bodies and how they move than my entire teacher training, it taught me how to teach a single pose in multiple ways for multiple abilities, all at the same time. Her goal was to get people to move without pain, and to feel good in their own bodies.

During the pandemic Sharyl started teaching yoga with small weights, and then she got into strength training, around the same time that I did. But she got REALLY into strength training; she is a woman of small stature who can dead lift 210 pounds. She posted a video of her doing a pull-up, and I started thinking: could I do that too?

Just before my fiftieth birthday, I made a loose goal of working towards doing a pull-up by my fifty-first birthday. And I am now 51 and I cannot do that. But I can do three assisted, using exercise bands under my feet as support.

Obviously I move the bar first, but you can see the stretchy bands in this photo.

Maybe next year! But I have come so far; when I first started I could only hang, straight-armed, for ten seconds. But I kept working on it and working on it, and I have seen so much progress. Maybe I never will get to a point where I can do them unassisted, but I have gotten so much stronger in the process. Also progress, not perfection, right?

Fueled By Cake

Everyone knows I love cake, and, to the amusement of my friends, I really love a grocery store sheet cake. My husband delivered!

Every Sunday I make a big dinner, complete with dessert, and sometimes that dessert is cake. Earlier in the month I had a craving for lemon cake, and so I made an angel food one. Fun fact: you can easily do this by substituting half the water in a typical angel food cake mix with lemon juice. I think it would be even better with some lemon zest, but alas, I had no lemons.

It was perfect with raspberries and a dollop of non-dairy whipped cream.

Channelling Mr. T

When I was about fifteen, a boy told me that I wore “more jewelry than Mr. T,” and I have taken that to heart as my personal esthetic ever since. It’s a good goal in life.

I have switched into my Spring Uniform, which typically is a short-sleeved top and jeans, as opposed to my Winter Uniform, which is a sweater and jeans. The move to the short sleeves is a significant one, though, because it means I can wear multiple bracelets on my left wrist, without getting them jammed in clothing.

Except for the chakra bracelet, which was given to me years ago by a yoga student, I bought all these in Vietnam at the floating market.

My look reminds me of when I was about thirteen, and I was low-key terrified of my friend Julie’s very stern German father (HI JULIE). He looked at me one day, me with my armful of jelly and friendship bracelets, and said, gruffly, Why do you wear so many bracelets? before staring me down. Eeep! I don’t know! When later Julie told her dad – in front of me! – that I was scared of him, he said, sternly, Why? I like Nicole. Upon that statement, he stared at me silently, while I wished I could melt into the floor.

Outfit of the Month

Behold the Spring Uniform!

The big smile on my face tells you that we were on our way to the garden centre! Short sleeved chakra tee, Silver jeans which are “boyfriend cut,” Skecher Mary Janes, and my beloved old Lululemon bag. I don’t really think I need a bag this size anymore, but I just cannot quit it.

Isn’t that yellow shrub pretty? Its next stage is green leaves and flowers. It delivers beauty year-round. I feel like that should be a segue into a discussion about seasons, seasons of life, perimenopause, and all the sweatiness, but I will leave that for another post. In the meantime, what were your Favourites this month? Tell me everything. xo

Modern Miracles

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This spring I’ve felt something akin to survivor’s guilt when I see the weather forecasts coming out of Calgary, and in the rest of Canada in general: heavy snowfall after heavy snowfall. I almost feel guilty that things are in bloom and I’ve been out in the garden for weeks! We have had a dry winter and spring, so hopefully that doesn’t spell doom when it comes to forest fire season. Well, there’s no point mentally rehearsing for bad things to happen; either they will happen or they won’t, I don’t need to dwell on it. Instead I will just focus on what’s in front of me.

Speaking of not mentally rehearsing for doom, the news continues to be objectively horrible and frankly terrifying. Recently both my friends Suz and Bijoux (HI SUZ HI BIJOUX) gently reminded me that whatever happens in 2026, our great-grandmothers had it much worse. I think there’s room for both feelings: gratitude to be living in the modern age where we have such luxuries as the vote and refrigerators, and sadness that the current masters of the universe are insane, evil clowns who value human lives just slightly more than they do mosquitoes.

But Suz and Bijoux are right; my great-grandmothers’ lives were extremely hard and full of tragedy. One of my great-grandmothers died in childbirth, and another had a number of unspeakable hardships imposed on her by the various men in her life. And the only thing worse than having oppressive, unkind men was to have no man at all – my grandma was widowed in her thirties, with no money and six kids aged twelve and under. Life was, to put it mildly, not easy for her. Two of my grandmas had babies who died, and all of these women lived through the Depression and World War II.

Meanwhile, here I am, brushing my dog’s teeth.

They also had to do laundry by hand, and if there is anything that should make us grateful to live in this moment in time, it’s the invention of the washing machine. Of all the household chores, the laundry is the absolute easiest to deal with: dirty clothes are put into one machine and then, wet clean clothes are transferred to another. It’s magical! It’s a miracle of the modern age!

My husband’s grandmother, in whose house we now reside, worked for a time at the laundry in the hospital, and if there is a more physically taxing, miserable job than that, I don’t know what it is. Just think of all those heavy soiled sheets and blankets and towels, being washed by hand on a scrub board, and then wrung out and hung to dry. Imagine the state of your hands. Just doing laundry for a household would be difficult enough, what with the hauling and heating of water, and the misery that would be diapers. But working as a laundress in a hospital setting? I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

Adjacent to the daily appreciation I feel for my washing machine – “He worked hard, Grandpa.” “So do washing machines.” – is the immense gratitude I have for running water. Isn’t it amazing that we have it? So many things have to happen in order for us to have clean, running water: scientists work to ensure that it is safe to drink and workers put that science into action, infrastructure is conceived, built, and maintained to transport that water to our homes, which are plumbed and equipped with heaters so that, with the merest touch of a finger, we are served with water whenever we want it and at the exact temperature we desire. It’s truly a daily miracle. For so many centuries, this was not the usual thing. For so many centuries, a simple bath was an enormous undertaking.

My life is soft and luxurious by any standard, but in comparison to my ancestresses, I might as well be the Princess of Wales.

What was good about them? my mother-in-law once said in response to someone’s pining for the good old days. She’s not wrong. There have been rapid technological changes not just in my lifetime, but also in that of my children’s, who were born before smartphones, streaming, and the maps feature in the car. I remember the wild feeling of being able to pause live television, and the idea that if I like a song, I can simply listen to it on my phone. But just think of the advancements that came into being in our grandmothers’ lives. For one thing: indoor plumbing. Imagine the enormous quality-of-life boost that our grandmothers had when they went from outhouses to indoor bathrooms. I am not sure where this fits on the scale of running water to washing machines, but it’s up there, Steve. A few years ago, I checked the website for the campground at which my family reunion was to be held, and I noticed that they proudly advertised modern flush toilets. It was honestly a selling point to me. Who wants to live without modern flush toilets? Not me. Now it’s become a family joke; whenever my husband books accommodation for a trip, he lets me know that there are modern flush toilets.

I am an optimist by nature, but I do need to take care not to veer into toxic positivity. Earlier this week I wondered if we were indeed going to see a nuclear war, and at least we have toilets was not as cheering as one might think it would be. If my obsessive listening to The Rest Is History has taught me anything, it’s that there have always been despots and atrocities, there have always been men in power who behave terribly, and everything passes. Everything passes, and hopefully we learn and grow, globally. I listened to three episodes on Operation Barbarossa and the Battle of Stalingrad, and all I could think of was Stalin versus Hitler. Stalin versus Hitler! I need say no more, we can all draw our own parallels. I will leave it there and go pour myself a glass of water from the miracle that is my kitchen tap.

Weekly Reading

Stay With Me. This book was a wild ride, and I was here for it. Set in Nigeria against the backdrop of political instability and military coups and resulting dictatorships, it is the story of a couple who have been unable to have a baby. The man’s family decides it’s time for him to have a new wife, and pressures him into a polygamous marriage. The only way for this polygamous marriage to be dissolved is for the first wife to become pregnant – which she does, in kind of a shocking twist. The shocking twist gets stranger as the book goes on. I liked this book a lot but it’s definitely a twisted story. I read a surprising number of books that are set in Nigeria, and every time, I feel grateful to be in Canada.

Any Other Family. I picked this book up on a whim and I’m glad I did. The premise is a bit complicated: a young and incredibly fertile woman has four children who she has chosen to put up for adoption, due to her youth. The four children are adopted among three sets of parents, and the birth mother is involved. It’s all like a big extended family. While the three families are on vacation, the birth mother calls to tell them that she is, once again, pregnant, and will also be giving this one up for adoption. The story is about how the three adoptive mothers cope with the news and with the newly expanding family; it is a triple POV story. Despite the confusing and somewhat unbelievable premise, I was immersed immediately and very invested in the outcome. I kind of wish we could have seen the birth mother’s POV, but maybe that could be a follow-up book. This was really well written and completely engrossing.

The spring air really does give me a feeling of hope and optimism; my little arugula seeds are sprouting, and flowers are popping up everywhere. Now, will I be devastated from opening my news app as soon as I publish this? Maybe! But at least we have washing machines. xo

Reason, Season, Lifetime

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In yoga, we try to cultivate what is known as “beginner’s mind,” which means that we want to approach our practices with openness and a sense of curiosity, letting go of expectations of what we “should” be doing, and focusing on what we are doing. In this way we can experience growth and mindfulness, without preconceived notions, judgement, or ego getting in the way. For example, just because I could do this in 2012 doesn’t mean I should be able to do it now:

My yoga practice looks much different these days, but it is still nourishing and joyful.

My friend Tara (HI TARA) sent me this Facebook memory from 2009:

No context needed, really, given that on that date I had two preschoolers and a puppy in the house, the days are long but the years are short, etcetera. This little gem explains a lot of what was going on in my house at the time, and it also made me think how incredible children’s minds are, and how their view of the world is so full of wonder and curiosity. My friend Pearl (HI PEARL) wrote about how, instead of “living every day as if it’s your last,” we should live every day as if it’s your FIRST. It reminded me of how I spent hours, literally hours every week just walking around the neighbourhood with the boys and standing there staring at different cars or trees, because they were fascinated with them. The whole world is fresh and new from a child’s point of view. There was a mechanic who lived at the end of our block; he had many cars in his yard that were in various states of disrepair, and the boys would spend HOURS peeking through the fence to look at the cars. HOURS. Occasionally there would be construction or demolition in our neighbourhood, and we could eat up an entire afternoon just watching it. There were always rocks to pick up and house decorations to notice, there were puddles to splash in and sticks to brandish, making me concerned that someone was going to lose an eye. We spent so much time doing what would appear to be nothing from the outside observer.

This was a time of my life where I was very in the moment, even if my mind occasionally wandered while the kids splashed in snowmelt. I was very present, in large part because smartphones weren’t around then, and there was nothing to do but watch the kids at play. I would like to remember it as a time of great mindfulness and presence, and I do, but truthfully I remember it as being often very lonely.

Every time my life has changed and I’ve entered a new era, I’ve been a bit nervous, worried about making new friends. The years before my children were in elementary school were lonely ones, particularly when they were babies. I did have friends, but scheduling playdates with everyone’s naptimes and preschool and the inevitable viruses that all the children had in perpetuity was difficult, and even when we did get together, conversation was constantly interrupted by said children. I went to a weekly playgroup but friendships never got past the surface level. Some of it, I think, was the inability to converse uninterrupted, but some of it was weird parenting time that we were in. Gen X women, it seemed, reacted to their own free range childhoods by becoming total weirdos when it came to parenting, especially in those early years. One had only to bring cupcakes with pink frosting to a soccer game to garner judgement and disdain. A certain kind of conversation about breast or bottle feeding could drive a wedge between two women, and bad feelings could fester forever.

Friends truly do come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime. I have been so lucky to have found a circle of women here who are the epitome of encouraging, of lifting up other women. This weekend, they gave me a party, and I am still so warm and fuzzy from it. I mean, would you look at this cake?

My friend Sandi (HI SANDI), who was the beta reader that gave me the title Inhale Exhale, had this VEGAN cake made! Isn’t it incredible?

Can you even? Can you even believe this? It was beautiful.

In my Ask Me Anything, Anna asked how I met my wonderful new friend group, and the truth is that I was very, very fortunate (HI ANNA). I had been friends with Sam, hostess with the mostess (HI SAMMI) since 2014, and when I moved here, she threw a girls’ night to introduce me to some of her friends. Then some of those friends introduced me to their friends, and now we have a circle. We are all in a similar stage of life and we are all open to meeting and getting together and doing fun things. It’s a real gift; I was very worried that I would be lonely here, but it’s been the opposite, as you can see. (HI SQUAD).

Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) asked what is an absolute deal breaker in a friendship and I’ve been thinking about that since she asked it, months ago. I would be much more likely to reseat the theatre than to dramatically end a friendship, to be honest. I mean, if someone was a toxic mean bigot, that would be a deal-breaker, but I probably wouldn’t be friends with such a person in the first place. I have had friendships fade away, and I have been ghosted, but if someone has time for me, generally speaking I’m going to have time for them.

It’s interesting that the word “friend” is such a wide umbrella term for me. In the same way that I use “love” to describe both my feelings for my children and for Aperol spritzes, I use “friend” very liberally. Former schoolmates who I haven’t seen for decades but keep up with on Facebook, a random woman I met at a blog conference in 2013, the people I talk to briefly every morning on the walking path, all of these people I consider my friends. But on the other end of the spectrum are the lifelong friends who have seen me through every iteration, and loved me all the same, even during my Jim Morrison poetry phase. There are also the local friends, my squad, who I see regularly and miss desperately when I don’t talk to them for three days. And then there are the long distance friends who make an effort to keep in touch and who I might not see for years at a time, but when we do it’s like no time at all has passed.

Of course, there are all of you, my long-distance blog friends and readers, my pen pals. Without all of you, these words would just be floating off into the abyss, and so I’m grateful for all of you.

Weekly Reading

Just one book this week but it was a big one, clocking in at almost 500 pages.

Homeseeking. This is an epic story that follows two people over a six-decade span, from their childhood home in Shanghai to Hong Kong, Taiwan, and the US. This is the kind of book that you want to read with references – I learned so much about Chinese history, the Chinese diaspora, relations with Taiwan, and multiple languages. The author makes a very interesting stylistic choice, telling the story from both points of view but in different timelines. She also changes the names subtly to reflect the different languages being spoken (Shanghainese, Taiwainese, Mandarin, Cantonese, English). It’s a love story but it’s also a story of devastating choices and occurrences. I’m not going to spoil anything, but I did wonder what would have happened to the male character had he stayed in Shanghai; I think he would have been killed in the Cultural Revolution. I learned a lot reading this, and I’m really glad I read it.

Happy March, everyone! One of my dear new friends just turned 50 yesterday, and I’m so excited for her to enter this new decade. Thirty years ago I kind of thought 50 was the end of the line, so to speak, and even fifteen years ago I thought it would be a wrenching time of Landslide feelings. Now I realize it is a decade for reinvention and revival, and the empty – or semi-empty – nest has allowed me space to really cultivate and bring richness to my relationships, with friends and with my marriage, and also with my adult children. Spring is springing here in the Okanagan Valley, and I am feeling the renewal. I plan to spend this month, and hopefully all to come, with the goal of viewing the world with a beginner’s mind, with curiosity and awareness. The buds on the trees are swelling, the perennials are greening, the grey and clouds of winter have lifted, and I spent time yesterday weeding. It’s happening! I hope you all have a beautiful, lamb-like first week of March. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Southeast Asia Adventure Edition

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I’ve been home for two and a half weeks, and it already feels like my trip to Southeast Asia was some kind of dream that happened ages ago. This month has just flown by, what with travel and then recovering from travel, with catching up on all the one million things that I was behind on because of travel, and with running errands and going to appointments and all the little things that add up to make a life.

February is a short month, that’s true, but still I can hardly believe it’s time for Favourite Things already!

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Southeast Asia Adventure Edition

ELEPHANTS

Right out of the gate, I’m going to talk about elephants. Being around those magnificent creatures was the highlight of the trip – maybe even of my life – to the point that I can barely remember the rest of the tour. I have to go back and look at photos to remind myself that yes, there were MANY other incredible experiences. But elephants!

Such intelligent, beautiful animals. I love them, and it was such an incredible gift to be able to be so close to them and to see their personalities. The young male was particularly funny; he kept shoving greenery and bunches of bananas underneath his tusks, stealthily removing them to eat later. While we were in the pond bathing them, the male’s caretaker said something to him, at which point the elephant lowered his trunk into the water, raised it slowly, and sprayed us. I got sprayed! By an elephant! I did not even know that was on my list of things I wanted to happen in my life, but it was.

Silk and Silver

Cambodia is renowned for silver and for silk, and I love both of those things. We visited a silk farm and watched women weave; it was fascinating and intricate work, and the amount of labour that goes into a single scarf is astounding. I felt a strong sense of duty to support the local economy!

In Hong Kong: red wine and silk, two Favourite Things.

I have loved silver jewelry since I was a young teen, and when we visited a women-run family silversmith business, I had a hard time not buying everything I saw. After all, there’s always room in the carryon for necklaces.

I also fell in love with this little Buddha, who serenely sits on a windowsill.

Watch Out!

On our last day in Cambodia, my beloved Garmin watch died. It just completely and suddenly died, and I was bereft. And then I was bereft that I was bereft, because what kind of spoiled and terrible person is upset about a watch in a country where people are worried about things like land mines and poverty and lack of education.

And yet.

When it died, I realized that I check my watch many, many times an hour. Every time I reflexively looked at my naked wrist I felt sad anew, and then I felt sad for being sad, the snake is eating its tail. The day after the premature Garmin death, we flew to Bangkok, and as it turns out you can buy literally anything in Bangkok. If you can’t, it’s because it doesn’t exist. This is particularly true for technology, and so my husband and I headed for Siam Square mall on our free evening, where I found a Garmin and my husband found a sun hat and mango sticky rice.

This new updated watch is very fun as it gives me all sorts of cheerful encouragement throughout the day. Also I like to say, casually, I bought it in Bangkok. Just going to the mall in Bangkok felt like an adventure; we took tuk-tuks there and back and I did have a thought, as we zipped in and out of relentless traffic, breathing in fumes with the wind in our faces, what if we get in an accident? Well, if we did, I would not be here to tell the tale. Fortunately we did not, and we were able to witness the absolute chaos of one of the biggest malls in Bangkok on a Saturday night. So many teenagers! So many insanely loud people with microphones doing demonstrations of things I didn’t understand! So many interesting outfits! So many girls dressed like anime characters!

Not, obviously, the mall in Bangkok, but a photo of my new watch in the wild.

Mangoes and Pineapples

Speaking of mango sticky rice! I have never liked mangoes, but I now realize that is because I have always had Canadian imported mangoes, not fresh ripe ones. I could not get enough of fresh Thai mangoes, or of pineapple.

We visited a pineapple farm where I learned how they are grown. When I expressed astonishment, one of my new tour group friends said What, did you think they grew on a tree? and I guess I DID think that. More accurately, I have never once thought about it, which seems strange but is true. Anyway, a single pineapple takes one and a half years to grow, and each plant can grow up to three pineapples in its life. One and a half years! I am in awe of this spiky, crowned crop.

Shine On

Months ago my friend Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) recommended Neutrogena’s Invisible Daily Face Serum with SPF 50 and since I am a huge fan both of Suzanne and of Neutrogena products, I snapped one up later that same day. I will go on record to say that it is the best face sunscreen I have ever found. It’s light and not greasy, and is perfect for the kind of heat and humidity that I experienced in Asia.

I wanted to take a light foundation or BB cream as well, but all my containers felt a little big for the amount of makeup that I wanted. I want to be efficient with the amount of liquids I take in carryon luggage, and so I was intrigued by the tiny tube of Fenty Matte makeup that I saw on sale at Sephora. I think this tiny tube may see me into my grave, or, more accurately, it’s going to go bad before I use it up. It is a VERY high coverage item, so only the tiniest dab, mixed with the Neutrogena serum, is needed for a perfect, matte finish that – and I am not exaggerating here – lasts all day. Now, would I use this matte makeup at home in a dry Kelowna winter? I certainly would not. But it was perfect for the extreme humidity and heat. Even when my eye makeup melted, giving me the look of heavy eyeshadow without ever wearing eyeshadow, my skin stayed perfectly matte. THAT, my friends, is a product.

Outfit of the Month

It was handy that we went to the mall in Bangkok, because as it turned out, I had a pressing clothing need. The next day we were going to the Grand Palace, and my clothes were all, apparently, inappropriate. I had researched clothing requirements going in and I knew that my knees and shoulders needed to be covered much of the time, but what I didn’t know was that at the Grand Palace, “knees covered” only referred to skirts. Our guide told me that my capri-length pants were forbidden, and to just wear long pants. Friends, I did not have any long pants, and when I said this, three women in our group said, incredulously and almost in chorus, Nicole, you don’t have PANTS? followed by three offers to loan me some. I would have taken them up on had I not seen this skirt at an outdoor kiosk at the mall:

I think I’m entering my long floaty skirt era. Once I got used to not stepping on it while going up the stairs, I really loved wearing it. So light! So cool! So princess-like! I wore it to the Grand Palace, with a sleeved tee from the Gap that I bought ages ago, and Skecher sandals, and then I wore it again later that night after my second shower of the day. It was extremely hot at the Grand Palace, and so my clothing was less fresh than I would have liked, but sacrifices must be made in the name of travel. An old friend of my husband’s happened to be in Bangkok for only a few days at the exact time we were there, and so we met up with him for dinner, where I nosily dug into his entire backstory. He is what I would call a free spirit, and has been travelling the world for the past forty years. He regaled me with tales from the first time he was in Thailand, thirty years ago. Malaria and amoebic dysentery featured heavily in some of the stories, and I was here for it. Amoebic dysentery! I guess I ate something I shouldn’t have he said when I asked multiple questions, which feels like an understatement of all time. None of this has anything to do with my new skirt and my new era of long floaty skirt wearing, but it was an interesting night out.

It’s a privilege to travel and a privilege to come home. I hope your month was full of Favourite Things too. Tell me everything. xo

Deep Breath: The Journey To Inhale Exhale

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“Move about after dinner, and meet acquaintance whose name I have forgotten, but connect with literature. I ask if he has published anything lately. He says that his work is not, and never can be, for publication. Thought passes through my mind to the effect that this attitude might with advantage be adopted by many others.” EM Delafield, Diary of a Provincial Lady, one of my favourite books

Last Tuesday, I had an epiphany while on the elliptical trainer. I realized that my new work in progress is all wrong. I was 21000 words in, and I had been going about it all wrong. All wrong! I decided I was going to just start over, from the very beginning, rather than pivoting and making changes in the next draft. Two days later, I got my period.

Many of you will remember that 2023 was a year of change and transition for me, not to mention a year of numerous non-hormonal emotional breakdowns. We moved here in July of 2023, and by late August I was a bit at loose ends, having unpacked and settled in. I missed my yoga students and I missed teaching, but I could not handle even the thought of starting all over again in that world.

My husband encouraged me to take some creative writing courses and write that book I’d always talked about, and in the fall of that year I registered in a series of online courses at UBC to do just that. With my yoga students in mind, and with great nostalgia for the Calgary Yoga Shala, I planned my story. I took the first two UBC courses – How To Write a Novel: Structure and Outline, and Writing the Draft – that fall, and I took the third and final course, Edit and Revise, in January 2025, at which point I was starting my third draft of what would become Inhale Exhale. It took me just shy of six months to write the first draft, and then a year after that to revise it to something I was satisfied with.

I spent a lot of time soul-searching and meditating about what to do with my project. It was written with joy; it was such a happy and fun process, taking an idea and creating characters. I was very happy with the end result, and I wanted to share it with the world. But how?

Last week, in my Monday night writing group – created while taking the UBC courses – my friend Jen said something that really resonated with me (HI JEN). She said that turning 50 made a switch go off for her, a sense of urgency. There’s no time to fuck around anymore. It’s really true. I have found, since turning 50, that I have a desperate urge to do all the things that I thought I would do someday. I might live another 50 years, it’s true, but I also might not. When it comes to friends, family, and former classmates, there have been an astonishing number of deaths, death scares, and diagnoses in the past couple of years. No one knows how much time we have left. What if I die before I do the things I want to do?

I don’t know how much you know about the publishing industry, but the path to traditional publication is complicated and full of blockades. The typical path is that after many, many months of querying, an author gets an agent, who may or may not be able to sell a book to a publisher, and that book may or may not see the light of day. It’s a very long process at the very best of times, and unless an author is of Elin Hildebrand or Stephen King stature, there is almost no money to be made. Very few authors earn out their advances, and when asked the question about how authors pay their bills, my creative writing instructor said they get a second or third job, like teaching creative writing. Something that may surprise you is that book tours are funded at least partially, if not totally, by the author, not the publisher. Authors are expected to do a lot of the legwork in terms of promotion, and on top of that, the royalty percentage through traditional publication is very small.

So one does not write a book for the money, but that’s okay, because I wasn’t. I was writing a book because I wanted to write a book; I love writing, and I hoped that people would read and enjoy my writing. I did not want my book to sit in a drawer, unread, while I desperately queried agents for years, getting rejection letter after rejection letter. Do you know how often rejection happens? It’s a real thing, and I guarantee that all of your favourite authors went through many rejections before being published. As an example, Lisa Genova’s Still Alice was rejected over one hundred times, at which point she self-published. It was picked up later and reissued by Simon and Schuster, but still. OVER ONE HUNDRED REJECTIONS. Kathryn’s Stockett went through sixty rejections over three and a half years before someone picked up The Help. New authors can be rejected dozens of times AT MINIMUM, and I just didn’t have it in me. Also, as mentioned before, I didn’t feel I had time.

So I decided that I was going to go the hybrid publishing route, which means that as an author, I would pay for editing services, cover design, and promotional and positioning assistance. I had done a cost-benefit analysis, being an economist, and decided this was the way to go. I had received a monetary gift from my parents for my fiftieth birthday, and I felt that there was no better way to spend it than to invest in something that had been a lifelong dream for me. My thinking was that even if I failed, even if I did not sell one single book, even if everyone who read it hated it, at least I would have tried. At least I would have accomplished something I always wanted to accomplish.

And I’m so glad I did, friends. I’m just so glad. Live your life with arms wide open! Do the thing, take the chance, dip your toe into the water. We don’t know how much time we’ve got, so let’s take advantage of life while we can.

Weekly Reading

As I alluded to last week, I had some great reads this week. Oh, I am excited to talk about them!

Heart the Lover. I have been waiting so long to read this and wow, it did not disappoint! I loved it so much. Lily King is such a talented writer; she conveys so much emotion in such a spare and economical way. This book is filled with emotion and absolutely heart-wrenching scenes. It shows us how choices affect our lives, and what it is like to take a turn at the fork in the road. It’s about past loves and current lives, and how mistakes, pride, regrets and lapses in judgement colour our world. She perfectly conveys what it is like to be in love at a young age, she perfectly conveys what it is like to build a life with a long-standing love. One thing I really loved is what it was like to have a long-distance relationship in the late 80s/ early 90s. It was HARD to get in touch with each other. Letters took a long time and phone calls were expensive. She smoothly moves between timelines in a deft and perfect way. I LOVED THIS BOOK.

Why We Can’t Sleep. My friend and book twin Anna (HI ANNA) had mentioned this book, and she said that it was both interesting and depressing. She was right on both counts! This is all about Gen X girls such as myself entering midlife, and all of the challenges we as a generation face. I found a lot of it relatable, although not all – some pieces seem to me to be uniquely American, such as crippling debt from student loans and medical bills, along with short or nonexistent unpaid maternity leaves. Still, there’s lots for us Canadian girlies to relate to. To me the most interesting part was the chapter entitled “The Very Filtered Profile Picture” for the discussion of body image and aging. I laughed – out loud! – at the quote “I’m not looking for inner peace,” a friend quipped when I asked her about why she skipped the resting stage of Savasana at the end of a yoga class. “I’m looking for outer hotness.” I also liked the discussion about seeing the task of living well in a negative, self-punishing way, such as “I should be exercising more/ eating better/ being the most mindful ever.” This was published in 2020, and I wondered what the author would say these days, post-pandemic, insane-news-cycle. Then I remembered she authored the WILD novel Crush, about polyamory, in 2025. Was that what was happening for her during the pandemic? I mean, I can only speculate.

Surfacing. CANLIT FOREVER! I don’t know how I got to this age, as a lifelong Margaret Atwood fan, without reading this book! This is the type of book that requires careful line reading and analysis; it contains a lot of symbolism, with themes of gender and national identity. This was published in 1972, which was a time of great importance for Canadian identity, as well as for feminism, and these parallel themes weave together in a story about a woman searching for her missing father in an island in northern Quebec. I really loved it.

Thank you to everyone who entered into the giveaway for a signed copy of Inhale Exhale; the winner of the random draw is Lorraine Anderson! Congratulations, Lorraine! I will contact you for your details. A huge thank you to everyone who has purchased a copy! If I may impose, it would be SO helpful if you left a (five star?) rating and review at Goodreads, Storygraph, or Amazon? Reviews are incredibly important, especially for new authors. And thank you all for being here. I hope you all have a beautiful week. xo

My Southeast Asia Adventure

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Happy Monday! For Valentine’s Day, I got a lot of sleep, and thank goodness. I think I underestimated how exhausted I was from travel, jetlag, and the busyness of our trip to Southeast Asia. It was well worth it but still I am glad to be, in the words of Spirit of the West, home for a rest.

We took a guided group tour with Travel Talk Tours, and on the first leg – Vietnam to Cambodia – there were 26 of us. Six people left, and two more joined when we arrived in Thailand. It was a nice mix of people; mostly Canadian, followed by British, with one couple each from India and the US. I will say that guided tours are fantastic for seeing a lot in a limited amount of time, and with all the border crossings and transportation, it was very relaxing to have all of the logistics taken care of. Also, it’s great to meet people from all over the world! For those of you who were wondering, there were no “Ms NZ’s” on this trip, although I did encounter an absolutely dreadful woman from Estonia on our boat crossing from Vietnam to Cambodia. She was the only unlikeable person I met during the entire trip.

Good Morning Vietnam!

After twenty-six hours of travel, we arrived in Vietnam. Our hotel let us check in five hours early, so we happily showered and immediately went exploring in order to stay awake before meeting up with our group that evening.

Ho Chi Minh City

Still often referred to as Saigon, Ho Chi Minh City is a busy, chaotic city – and I loved it! We quickly learned how to cross streets in Vietnam: just start walking, and hope for the best.

Mekong Delta, Cai Be, Can Tho

The very next day we headed to the Mekong Delta, where we boated around for a while and visited floating markets.

We enjoyed the night markets at Can Tho, and that was where I had the best meal in the entire trip. As a side note, it was not as easy to find delicious vegetarian dishes as I thought it would be. I was absolutely able to get rice or noodles and vegetables everywhere, but any dish more interesting than that was a rare sighting. Particularly in Thailand, where there was fish sauce and egg in nearly everything, it was trickier to eat. It was not at all hard to be dairy-free, though.

Chau Doc

This was such an interesting place; Chau Doc has a hotel from which a large speedboat launches to take tourists across the border to Cambodia. This is where having an organised group tour really pays off; the border crossing was as smooth as it could be, given that there were quite a number of restrictions and a lot of paperwork to be done. Other than the one hotel, Chau Doc is NOT a tourist destination; in fact, there are no shops, no restaurants, and certainly no English speakers that we encountered. My husband and I opted out of the bird watching excursion because I could not stand the thought of being on the bus for another two hours, and instead we wandered around the town that could not have cared less about us. It was a really cool experience.

Phnom-enal Cambodia

After a total of six hours on the boat and an hour at the border crossing, we landed in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I absolutely loved Cambodia, and I think everyone should visit and boost up that country with tourism dollars.

Phnom Penh

Phnom Penh is the capital of Cambodia, and I had emotional whiplash there. We visited our first of many Buddhist temples, where I was so happy, followed by a visit to the genocide museum, where we met one of the seven survivors of the prison and killing fields. Seven! And two are still alive. It was incredibly moving and both a testament to the human will to survive and also to the absolute horrors of the Pol Pot regime. After that, I was emotionally wrecked – I basically started to hyperventilate while looking at the mug shots of all the prisoners – but then we were taken to our absolutely stunning hotel complete with rooftop bar and hip hop music. I did not expect that at all. If that wasn’t enough of an emotional turn, the next day we toured the Royal Palace in all its beauty.

Battenbang

We saw SO much on this part of the tour! Travel Talk, like most responsible tour groups, chooses family-run businesses to patronise, which lifts them up out of poverty. We visited two women-run businesses: silver smithing and pottery. The pottery woman, in her early 60s, was a widow who also looked after her adult brother, born without the use of his legs. Life is very hard in general in Cambodia, but for widows and the disabled it is particularly difficult. In any case, I was very pleased to use my shopping dollars for silver and pottery! In between those two, we climbed to a hilltop temple, visited a monastery, and then went to a cave to watch the nightly migration of eight MILLION bats coming out of a cave. I will tell you that by that time, I was tired and a bit cranky, and as I stared at the cave I thought this is stupid. But then! A couple of reconnaissance bats flew out, followed by an enormous flow of bats that continued for twenty minutes. It was honestly really incredible to see. Nature! It is miraculous. The bats feed on the insects in the rice paddies that would otherwise harm the crops.

The next morning we took a ride on a bamboo train, which I thought would be an actual train, but instead was this:

It was honestly so fun; once these were used to haul bamboo and other things, but now they are used for tourist rides, and I am one hundred percent into anything that brings money to these regions. After that we climbed to another hilltop temple – this one an ancient Hindu temple – and carried on to Siem Reap.

Siem Reap

We had a fantastic day touring Angkor Wat, Angkor Thom, and Ta Ream. Truly incredible sights, a memorable day to be sure.

I was seeking out shade – we were there in “winter” and wow, it was hot!

Thai-ing Out Thailand

We flew from Siem Reap to Bangkok, and if you think I didn’t have One Night in Bangkok stuck in my head, then you don’t know me at all.

Bangkok

There are 44000 temples in Thailand, and I will say one thing right now: if you’re not interested in temples, maybe give this trip a pass. Fortunately, I AM interested, and a day in which we visited two temples and the Grand Palace, where the famous Emerald Buddha resides, was lovely.

The queen’s mother had just died, and so the Grand Palace was not open to visitors until 1pm, which meant that it was very hot and very crowded – but hey, it’s Bangkok! The world’s our oyster!

Kanchanaburi, Ayutthaya

After Bangkok, we visited a museum dedicated to those who died building the railroad from Thailand to Burma, and went to the Mae Klong river, also known as the River Kwai.

We took a short hike through Hellfire Pass and saw Burma in the distance.

Phisanoruk

This day started early for six of us, who got up to make a food donation to a local monk, and received blessings in return. After that we visited more temples, and the remains of an ancient royal palace.

Sukhothai, Chaing Rai

There were a few long driving days, but we saw more incredible temples and a “hidden” Buddha.

Chaing Rai is home to the Blue Temple – my favourite colour! – and the very Instagrammable White Temple. I know this is a controversial opinion, but I love seeing people set up photos that are obviously meant for Instagram. It’s kind of delightful.

Chaing Mai

There are some days that will forever be etched in my memory. This was one of the best days of my entire life. We visited an elephant sanctuary, where we fed, bathed, and walked with elephants that had been rescued from very bad situations in the logging industry and circuses. Elephants are such incredible creatures, and it was such a gift to be so close to them.

A couple of people have asked about the clothing that we were all wearing: the rescue organisation gives every visitor to the sanctuary these red outfits to wear, plus rubber boots. Elephants cannot see very well, and because of their abused pasts, get agitated with unknown people. But they associate these red outfits with safe people, and so they accept the presence of visitors wearing them calmly and without stress.

If that wasn’t enough, after the elephants we drove up a very long and winding road to a temple that overlooks Chaing Mai. I was not particularly prepared for this, and was wearing a tank top and short skirt, which are not allowed inside a temple. I had resigned myself to just walking around the outer area.

As I looked at the temple entrance, a woman materialised beside me, holding out a shawl and a long skirt, nodding toward it. I am not one to turn down signs like that. I put the clothing on overtop my clothes, and ended up being blessed by the monk inside.

Hong Kong

The next day we got up early for our flight to Hong Kong. Such a fascinating and busy city it is! We had only a day and a half there, but definitely made the most of it, exploring on foot and taking the Peak Tram to look at the city. The city is preparing for Lunar New Year, and I enjoyed all the horses around.

It was a wonderful trip, and I’d like to go back in that direction one day to explore northern Vietnam and the beaches of Thailand. I’ll be back later this week to tell you about the books I read – including a DNF! – but for now, I hope you have a wonderful week, friends. Thanks for coming along on the journey. xo

Five For Friday: The So Very Grateful Edition

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Inhaling Love, Exhaling Happiness. First of all, thank you all SO much for your enthusiasm and support for Inhale Exhale! I am overwhelmed with love and happiness. I have been receiving so many lovely messages and it means the world to me. My little novel is but a drop in the ocean of books released every year, but every time someone shares on social media, leaves a review, or blogs about it, the ripples get larger, and for that I am so very grateful. Thank you to everyone who has purchased a copy, shared a post, rated, and reviewed! Big thanks to Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) who very kindly hosted a giveaway, and to Coco, Michelle, Julie, Sarah, SHU, Alondra, Laura, Allison, Kyria, Maya, and Birchie, for the blog links. (HI SUZANNE COCO MICHELLE JULIE SARAH SHU ALONDRA LAURA ALLISON KYRIA MAYA BIRCHIE) (If I missed you, please let me know! I had over 200 unread posts in my reader on Monday, so apologies if things got lost in the shuffle!).

My book, in Vietnam!

Where In The World Was I? My husband and I were in Southeast Asia! We visited four countries, if you include the day and a half we spent in Hong Kong – which I do! – which meant four border crossings, four different currencies, and four languages in which I learned how to say hello, thank you, and vegetarian. I also learned how to say this food is delicious in Thai. In addition to our brief time in Hong Kong, we were in Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand, three neighbouring but very different countries. I will have more to say about that on Monday’s post; for now I will just tell you that it was a wonderful trip in which we saw and experienced incredible, interesting things. Travel is a big priority for us right now since we are both healthy, fit, and mobile, and as we all know, a person cannot take those things for granted. I hope we will be healthy, fit, and mobile for many decades to come, but you just never know. As we went through this trip, it occurred to me constantly that such travel would be very difficult for people with mobility and health issues. Steps and stairs, uneven walking surfaces, long hours on buses and planes – none of these things get easier with age, and so we have a pretty heavy travel schedule planned for the next few years. Health! I am grateful for it.

Getting steps in, literally.

Time Travel. Speaking of long hours on planes, it took us over twenty-six hours of travel to get from our house to Vietnam, and because we flew over the international date line, we skipped a day. On the way home, we left Hong Kong at 1 am on Monday night and arrived on Canadian soil at 7:45 pm Sunday, and it was nearly midnight before we were back at our house. Time travel! I should have bought a lottery ticket. It took until Wednesday for me to not feel that bone-deep, jetlagged fatigue, and to be able to do anything that required more than minimal brain function. I mean, I forgot the word for “lunch.” I will say that we had lie-flat seats for the long flights, which helped immensely, and I am, again, grateful to be able to travel this way.

Travel, make new friends.

Staying Healthy, Somehow. I am almost hesitant to write this lest I be smote, but my husband and I were healthy the entire trip, and have been since we got home. How, I do not know. It was pretty easy to avoid Traveller’s Tummy, because we only consumed hot, cooked meals, peeled fruit, and filtered water, but I don’t know how we dodged the coughs and colds that seem to be rampant. We were in many very crowded places, including several planes, and by the end of the trip it seemed like a third of our tour group was coughing and sneezing on the bus. There was even some dramatic tension between two friends travelling together and sharing a room, one of whom had a cough and the other of whom treated the cougher like a leper. I mean, I get it. No one wants to get sick! And I am grateful that I didn’t. But also? I felt for the poor cougher, who was – from my vantage point – being a bit shunned by her group of friends that had travelled with her.

The crowds in Bangkok were wild! This is in the Grand Palace, the site of the Emerald Buddha.
On the other hand, there were plenty of serene moments.

Today Is Galentine’s Day! It is officially Galentine’s Day today – February 13, where ladies celebrate ladies, and I am raising my glass to all of you. And, if you are a man reading this blog, you can be an honourary member of the Gals, just for today. I hope you enjoy my perimenopause content, and discussions about body sugaring. But as you all know I do adore my girlfriends, near and far, longtime and new, and everything in between. Where would we be without our gal pals? I don’t even want to think about it!

For the month of February, my friend Elisabeth (HI ELISABETH) is hosting The FIG Collective, where we all find joy in gratitude. I am grateful every single day for my life, but this week I am especially grateful for all of these things – the ability to travel, lie-flat airplane seats, health, and, most of all, the friendship and support from all of you. To show my gratitude, I am going to be doing some giveaways, both here and over on Instagram. To win a signed copy of Inhale Exhale, simply leave a comment and tell me one thing you are grateful for this very minute. If you already have a copy, OMG THANK YOU, and also I would be pleased to send, in the event that your name is drawn, the copy either to you or to a friend of your choice, in honour of Galentine’s Day. Contest closes February 21, 2026 11:59 pm PST.

I have so many things to tell you! I want to talk to you all about my trip, and books that I’ve been reading and rereading, and – since you asked in my Ask Me Anything – my thoughts about friendship, and my writing and publishing process, and SO MANY THINGS. But alas, all of those things will have to wait a few days. Happy Galentine’s – and Valentine’s! I am wishing for you an abundance of love, pink puffy hearts, and heart-shaped chocolates. And maybe a virtual elephant hug. xo