Ducks, Dialects, Daddy Cool

Posted on by

I learned something absolutely wild this week, and even though I immediately fact-checked it, I still was in shock and disbelief. I still AM in shock and disbelief.

From an episode of Were You Raised By Wolves – my current and longtime favourite podcast about modern etiquette, which is more fun than it sounds, really – I learned that, in Minnesota, the children’s game Duck, Duck, Goose is not Duck, Duck, Goose. Instead, it is Duck, Duck, GREY DUCK.

I had to turn off the podcast for a moment to stare out the window. It felt like everything I had ever known was in question. Do I, like Oprah, know anything for sure? I just cannot say, I just cannot say.

I instantly texted my favourite Minnesotan, Lisa, to ask her if this was true, if everything I have ever known was a lie? And Lisa, darling Lisa, Lisa who would never lead anyone astray, told me that yes, all is true and more. Not only do Minnesotan children chant Grey Duck before running around the circle, but so do those in North Dakota.

The world, it is a wild and wonderful place. (HI LISA).

Isn’t it wild, isn’t it WILD how things differ between regions? Let’s take language and dialect, for example. It is a common perception that Canadians pronounce about like aboot, and yet I have never in my fifty years met a single person who sounds like that, and I have met people from all over the country. Accents and dialects do differ across our great country, of course. I can tell a prairie accent from a Maritime one, I can pinpoint if a person is from Newfoundland or Quebec; I live in BC and I have friends all over Ontario, and yet never once have I heard the word aboot. Eh, I hear and say often, but aboot? Never.

Calgarians can easily identify non-Calgarians, simply from how the city is pronounced: it’s Cal-GREE, not Cal-GARY, and although I no longer live there, I will offer a gentle correction. That is the only thing I will correct, though, because so many words are pronounced differently based on regional dialect, and there is no such thing as “correct” or “incorrect” when it comes to that. When it comes to mischievous, coyote, groceries, mascara, and tomato I personally say mis-chee-vious, kai-oh-tee, grow-sher-ees, mah-scare-ah, toe-may-toe. I also pronounce tour with two syllables, too-er, rather than “ture” or “tore,” but I pronounce tournament as ture-nament. I contain multitudes.

It’s funny that language and dialect are so interesting to me, yet so dull to write about. I’m boring myself. Let’s move on.

The other day I heard the song Daddy Cool twice during a single workout: once on my own playlist while I was on the elliptical, and then once during a Peloton ride. God, I love Boney M and I love that song. It reminded me of a funny, albeit embarrassing story circa 1995. My friend Alice (HI ALICE, if you’re reading this) was engaged, and had confided to the Econ Girls, of which I was one, that she hated the word fiance. Our friend Tony, not an Econ Girl per se, but as he was studying economics we didn’t exclude him based on his sex, suggested that we refer to her fiance as Big Daddy Cool, and that stuck.

It stuck a little too well. I was at her bridal shower, and one of the games involved questions about the couple, including the correct spelling of the groom’s name. It was at that moment that I realized that not only did I not know the correct spelling of the groom’s name, I did not know his name at all. I had never called him anything at all except Big Daddy Cool, or, sometimes, Big Daddy. I was seated right next to his mother, and if there’s anything worse than being at a bridal shower and not knowing the groom’s name after meeting him dozens of times, well. There’s actually a lot of things that are worse, but still, it wasn’t my best moment. It could have landed me on a segment from Were You Raised By Wolves.

Weekly Reading

The Spoon Stealer. This book concerns a peppy old lady looking back on her life, which is divided between Nova Scotia and England. She has a talking dog and a habit of stealing spoons wherever she goes, after her brother tells her that a spoonful of kindness is all it takes to make a difference. It’s a very sweet concept and there are a lot of heartwarming messages in this book, but the writing style just wasn’t for me and I found it very difficult to be engaged with the story. In fact, I kept thinking when is this going to end, and then at the actual end, I discovered that the story was based on the author’s family, which made me feel terrible for mentally disparaging it.

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. This has been on my TBR for a long time, but I had forgotten about it until Lisa and Laura (HI LISA, HI LAURA) mentioned it to me recently, so I bumped it up. I have a lot of thoughts, buckle up. This is a memoir by a very acclaimed author of her family’s move from Tucson to a piece of land in Appalachia; the move was precipitated by their desire to eat entirely locally which the author claims is impossible in the arid land of Arizona. They were motivated to reduce their carbon footprint via trucked-in or flown-in food, and I do think this is a very admirable thing to do. Each family member was able to choose one exception to this rule, and her husband chose coffee, which was extremely relatable to me. They do accomplish this locavore-style of eating, both through community purchases and their own garden and animals. I will say I skimmed over quickly the parts in the book where they discuss slaughtering their own meat versus factory farmed meat. I already know about this, I agree raising one’s own meat is a sustainable way to eat meat if one does, and also I do not want to read about it. The book is peppered with recipes – Laura had mentioned one for zucchini chocolate chip cookies, you can bet I’ll be trying that – and that is quite delightful. However, I found the book as a whole to be a bit dated – it came out nearly 20 years ago, and even the updated epilogue from 2017 was a moment in time – and also reeking of privilege and judgement. I was in my early thirties – around when this first came out – when I read The Good Food Revolution; before reading that book I had absolutely no idea what a food desert was. I had never heard of it. I had never heard of children unaware that carrots and potatoes grow in the ground, that apples are from trees, etcetera. I had never, not once, realized that there were entire communities of people without access to a grocery store or to fresh fruits and vegetables. That book really changed my perspectives and cultivated a lot of empathy in me for people who are just trying to feed their families in any way that they could, and after reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, I felt that the author was a privileged white woman whose answer to climate change was to a) grow a garden, or b) go to the farmer’s market. And I love both of those things but it is an incredible privilege to do so. Gardening is a lot of work and takes a lot of time. Going to the farmer’s market requires access to one, as well as money, and I’m not sure in this day and age if that is always possible. We don’t all have a piece of land in Appalachia that we can ditch our life for, even if we could all just leave our jobs. Another thing that stuck in my craw a bit is that the author and husband takes a trip to Italy, and while I loved reading about their local eating in places I had so recently enjoyed, I also wondered how they justified the jet fuel. I suppose one doesn’t preclude the other, but it was a detail that bothered me. The last thing I’ll say is that the author speaks very lovingly and with great empathy for the tobacco farmers of her youth, who built the communities surrounding her. I do think it’s a really hard thing, seeing an industry that employed everyone you know disappear, but I wondered what her take on other reviled industries – let’s say energy, for example – would be. I wondered if she would have the same level of kindness for people who were also just putting food on their tables via an industry that is generally not looked on with love. Laura and I spent some time discussing the author’s more recent book – which I haven’t read and I WILL NOT – Demon Copperhead, which is about the opioid crisis in her very community. Was the disappearance of the tobacco industry a precursor to that? Maybe. Anyway, lots to think about, the tl;dr is that I loved the descriptions of gardens and seasonal recipes, and I hated the privilege and judgement emanating from this. The food industry as a whole, and the way we approach eating and nutrition are extremely complex and often terribly problematic, and this book does shine a light on those issues.

Whew! After all that, I am going to give you an update on my own garden! Because I am nothing if not a multicoloured tapestry of a person. I have been using garden spinach in my smoothies all week, there are teeny tiny green tomatoes on two of my plants, and the iris garden, friends, the iris garden is bringing me so much happiness. Every morning there is something new! We have so many different colours – purples and burgundies, white and yellow, peach and variegated – and I love them all.

You have no idea how difficult it is for me not to post a photo of every single iris in the garden, thus making this ridiculously long post even longer. I blame Barbara Kingsolver! No, I only have myself to blame. Have a beautiful, flower-filled week, my friends. xo

Homegrown Salad Season Begins!

Posted on by

For absolutely no discernable reason, for five days last week I had Slide by the Goo Goo Dolls intermittently stuck in my head. How this happened, I have no idea. I hadn’t heard it recently. I wasn’t thinking about anything that could trigger such a thing. I had not been on any slides and I hadn’t watched any slideshows and I hadn’t thought I’ll just let that slide. The source remains a mystery. Then on Friday, after five days of singing I wanna wake up where you are, I took a Peloton ride and near the end was the song Slide, the familiar tune coordinating with my already-there earworm.

The universe works in strange ways.

My own little universe has been very green lately as I have been sliding into homegrown salad season. We’ve had quite a bit of rain over the past month or so, and temperatures have been in the mid-to-high teens, which is ideal growing weather for green leafy vegetables. I had my first harvest of kale and arugula last week, which was celebrated by making a giant salad for dinner.

I harvested on Wednesday, and by late in the day Thursday I could barely see where I cut from. The greens are growing before my very eyes! A key lesson I took from last year is to stagger the plantings so that I’m not completely overwhelmed, and even so, even so I currently have an astonishing amount of spinach, kale, and arugula. Well, I like smoothies and I like salads, and I really don’t mind this problem at all.

Another key lesson from last year was to only plant one zucchini. I confess that I did plant more than one zucchini seed, and until last week I had two pretty healthy looking, sizable plants. My husband, upon learning this, grabbed a spade and dug one up. My baby! Murderer! After a short period of mourning for the zucchini that never was, I had to concede that it was for the best. I still, despite best efforts, have nine cups of grated zucchini in the freezer from last year’s bumper crop. I also still have friends, although those relationships may become strained if I tried to force zucchini on them like I did last year. I’m leaving these here, no take backs! I actually said at a girl’s movie afternoon last September. I was only steps away from leaving zucchini on people’s doorsteps before Nicki Nicki Nine Dooring myself out of there.

Maybe that could be a thing, but call it Nicole Nicole Nine Door, where a person answers a door only to find a pile of zucchini.

I’m getting ahead of myself, however, as it will be a few months before The Great Zucchini Season begins. In the meantime, my cilantro is coming up strong, which I am also stagger-planting, as I am the only person who eats it. I harvested a little last week to have on my stir-fry, and it was absolutely delicious.

In other garden news, the perennial garden is popping, the irises are irising, and in general everything is very fresh and green right now.

On one of our walk routes is a tree that is hung with dozens of handmade birdhouses, which is truly delightful. I have yet to see a bird in any of those birdhouses, or even in the vicinity of the tree, but no matter. It’s lovely to look at, even birdless. I don’t know the who, why, or how of it, but I enjoy it.

Weekly Reading

This Motherless Land. As mentioned last week, I reread Mansfield Park in preparation for This Motherless Land, as the plot of the latter is taken from the former, and I highly recommend doing that for a really interesting reading experience. This Motherless Land deals with two cousins, one in Nigeria and one in England, who due to tragic circumstances start living together, before another set of tragic circumstances separate them. It’s a story of finding home and belonging, and it contains a few of the most abhorrent, atrocious characters you ever did read. Fortunately for us readers, it all wraps up in a very neat bow, with a series of satisfying coincidences. Where Mansfield Park explores the British class system of the early 1800s, this book explores straight-up racism, which is pretty breathtaking, and not in a good way. It was a solidly satisfying read; I did not love it, but I liked it well enough, which is a lot coming from a person who has a strong tendency to dislike modern retellings of classic books.

Blue Sisters. What I am about to say is absolutely a Me Problem, not a Book Problem. The thing is, I have a very hard time reading about addiction, particularly hard-core drug addiction and alcoholism. I have a very hard time with the details about benders, physical effects, and the psychological behaviours and impacts. I blame Trainspotting for scarring me, back in the Nineties. Anyway, I know this about myself and yet I picked up this book that is about addiction, and wow, it was not for me. I almost DNFed it several times, but pushed on because I have so many friends who have read and loved it. But it was just too much for me. That said, it is well-written and contains a lot of other interesting themes, particularly about pain and how people cope with it, along with trauma, inter-generational and otherwise. So this book might be perfect for you! But it was just awful for me.

On that kind of downer of a note, I hope you all have a beautiful week ahead of you. Maybe with some homegrown salads? Or flowers? Take care of yourselves, friends. xo

The 100 Day Project Begins

Posted on by

100 Days of Music

My friend Kari (HI KARI) discussed the 100-Day Project in a recent post, which is exactly what it sounds like: a commitment to 100 days of something. That something could be any kind of creative or meaningful practice, and I knew I was in immediately. But what could I do? I’m not an artist, and although I think about what I’m writing every day, it isn’t beneficial to me to actually write every day. It feels like a cheat to choose yoga or walking in nature, which I do every single day anyway. Then it occurred to me: piano. I play piano most days, but not every day. I always feel like I need a block of time to play, which can be insurmountable some days.

But then I remembered my concept for Yoga Club, in which the only requirement for participants was one posture a day. Why not apply this to the piano? I don’t have to play a concerto every time I sit down; I am committing to at least one song – maybe more! – a day for 100 days. I started on May 5, which will take me to August 13. I got so excited about this that I ordered a new songbook, and in the meantime, I’m working on some old and new favourites.

Do you want to join? You don’t have to be a blogger, you just need to commit to something you’d love to do. My friend Michelle (HI MICHELLE) is doing 100 days of postcards, and I cannot WAIT to see her creations. Wouldn’t it be fun, all of us doing something together, but apart?

The Bears Are Back In Town

I was reading on the deck with Rex at my feet, naturally, when I heard a little rustle from the neighbour’s property. Typically this wouldn’t even register, since there are myriad quail and other birds rustling around in the grasses and shrubs, but Rex suddenly jumped up and started barking frantically. He backed his body into mine and continued barking, as I looked to see what it was. I couldn’t see a thing so I settled back down in my chair, but he continued to be very agitated. At that moment my son opened the door and asked me to bring myself and Rex inside because a mama bear and her cub had just been beside his car.

Eeep!

He had been taking something to his car and wasn’t thirty feet away when he spotted them, and after the bear made eye contact with him, she and her cub disappeared down the bank. I guess we are back in Bear Season. I’m trying to be zen about it: there are no reports of black bears attacking humans, and they would only attack a dog if they felt threatened. Rex has had ample opportunity to prove that he will not go near bears, unlike the deer who he will chase forever. There’s nothing for it but to continue to keep the garbage locked up in the shed, scan the yard before letting Rex out, and deep breathing.

Walking Each Other Home

I had JUST come off a week of coyote encounters, so I didn’t really need the bear excitement. The most dramatic of the encounters occurred by the creek on the walking path, when a very brazen coyote was just walking along the path, with people and dogs everywhere. When I encountered him, Rex and I were 85% of the way through our loop, and there were two options: to keep going and hope that Rex’s size and loud barking would get him to leave the path, or to double back and do almost the entire 5 kilometre loop again. As I stood there, a very nice couple offered to walk with me until we passed the coyote, strength in numbers, etcetera. The coyote did disappear into the greenery as we passed, with Rex giving the warning bark, and I appreciated the couple and their kindness so much. It reminded me of Rumi, and that we are all walking each other home.

Speaking of such, I have been loving Simple Abundance so much; May has been a month focused on the concept of home. I found this quote so interesting:

Was Edith Wharton a Buddhist? Probably not, but it reminded me of the concept of the body being a rental house for the soul. Also, I did not realize that Edith Wharton was an interior and landscape designer! People contain multitudes.

Weekly Reading

Speaking of multitudes, I have a couple of very opposite, yet weirdly similar books this week.

Animal Instinct. I came for the pandemic sex, I stayed for the incredible commentary on motherhood, marriage, and the need for connection. Wow, this book! It was recommended on Catherine Newman’s substack, and it is definitely a Pandemic Sex Book, although I will say that the sex descriptions are much less graphic than what I’ve seen in so-called spicy open door romances. Here’s the synopsis: it’s spring of 2020, and newly divorced Rachel makes a profile on a dating app. She is fresh off of a demeaning and lonely marriage, and she is DTF. No strings! She is also kind of a tech genius and starts to create an AI bot based on all the good characteristics of the people she meets, kind of a perfect person. And she gets a little obsessed with chatting with this perfect, non-existent person. This story has so much to say about the pandemic and how it shaped our relationships with screens and virtual contact. It has so much to say about motherhood, and how a woman can be a good and devoted mother and a sexual being at the same time. It has so much to say about marriage and the division of labour, childcare, and the mental load. It has so much to say about not giving up on love, even after heartbreak, and giving life a second chance. I loved it so much, but it is NOT for everyone (Lisa, I’m looking at you, HI LISA, do not read this). If you are at all triggered by descriptions of early pandemic days, and particularly the thought of other people having a lot of casual sex in spite of public health protocols, this is not the book for you. Personally, I have come to believe that the loneliness epidemic and the long-term effects of isolation on mental health were terribly destructive, but some might find the furtive booty calls upsetting. Also, like I said, this book is not as graphic as many contemporary romances, but it’s still pretty descriptive. In particular, there is an anal sex scene that still has me inadvertently clenching and Kegeling whenever I think about it, including this very moment.

Mansfield Park. Speaking of Lisa, she had mentioned a book called This Motherless Land, which, she said, is a retelling of a Jane Austen novel. I immediately and stridently said that I WOULD NOT READ IT because I LOATHE retellings, but then remembered that I had been currently reading Caroline, and also once upon a time I loved Bridget Jones’ Diary. And also the movie Clueless. And then I looked into This Motherless Land and discovered that it’s a retelling of Mansfield Park, which is a deep cut, it felt like. Given the synopsis it seemed like a fascinating book as well. So in Lisa’s comment section, I came full circle, and put This Motherless Land on hold at the library. This is a long way to tell you that while I waited for it to come in, I pulled out my old copy of Mansfield Park, which I haven’t read since the Great Jane Austen Pandemic Reread in 2021. I think this is a really underrated Austen, with its interesting themes of infidelity and colonialism, of the British class system and the creation of wealth via unethical means, of kind generosity for its own sake and the indolence of inherited wealth. One might think that the two books I read this week have nothing in common, but that’s not true: they both involve social propriety and othering people who choose differently, loneliness and forbidden love. There is also a joke about admirals, with their rears and vices, so really, what else is there to say? Jane, you saucy minx!

Devotions. There is no good segue here, but I have been reading a poem or two prior to my yoga practice, and have once again finished this, the most wonderful collection by my very favourite poet. She brings so much meaning, and finds so much glory in the natural world, and I love her so very much.

We all know that I too find so much glory in the natural world, but I could do with a little less of the large predatory mammal part of the natural world this week. My nerves! There has been a lot of deep breathing and meditating, believe you me, and in the meantime, I’ll be assuaging my feelings on the piano. Do join us for the 100 Day Project! We’re all in it together. xo

A Day In The Life: Saturday, What A Day, Grooving All Week With You

Posted on by

Everybody’s doing it, so I will too! Day in the Life posts are abounding in my lovely blog community, and I realized that a) it’s been a while for me, and b) I’ve never done a WEEKEND Day in the Life, and so here we are. Even though I have no job, no kids who are in the school system, and a retired husband, I do like to make a distinction about weekend activities. I could probably make every day the same, but I thrive on a schedule and routine, and I like to have a different one for weekends.

Saturday May 3

3:55 am. I wake up at my normal time, but then I remember it’s Saturday! So I doze off and on for a couple of hours before getting up just after 6:00 am. Every single day, I do the same thing when I get up: I go downstairs, start the coffee, and drink two big glasses of water. After that I let Rex out of his crate and after he’s joyfully greeted me like it’s been years instead of hours since we’ve seen each other, I let him outside. While he’s there I fill his bowls and do my morning ablutions – wash face, brush hair and teeth, apply SPF moisturizer – and then go check on him. He’s still out and about, probably sniffing the resident coyote or deer scents. When we moved here I fretted so much about having no fences, but it turns out dogs really can be trained to stay within their range, and he does. He’s out there for a while this morning, so I pull out my laptop, pour a big cup of coffee, and start answering blog comments.

I’ve been taking branched-chain amino acids in the morning lately; it’s supposed to help with perimenopause-related fatigue, and I think it does. I mean, I’m very much a Placebo Effect person, so who really knows. I let Rex in after about twenty minutes, and he flops at my feet while I edit my Monday post and read a few blogs, as well as my daily Simple Abundance reading and a Mary Oliver poem.

7:25 am. Time for walkies, but before that I give the downstairs bathroom a quick cleaning. I get dressed, brush my coffee teeth, put on a little mascara and tinted lip balm, and head out with my favourite fuzzy companion. We walk by the creek, which is super high, so we take the high path instead of the more-fun, but now flooded, low one. We meet and greet a lot of the regulars, including but not limited to the man with the chocolate lab who always has a ball in his mouth, an older fellow wearing a “Canada Is Not For Sale” hat – elbows up, sir! – a couple with a fifteen-pound version of Rex, and a gentleman who refers to himself as “Grandpa” and who, every single time I see him, tells me the same joke regarding a quote from Winston Churchill and the inscrutability of women. He always says Stop me if I’ve told you this before but at this point, I’m never stopping him.

9:05 am. I arrive home to a bustling kitchen, where my husband and son are making breakfast. I make my own breakfast – a green smoothie – chug some more water and coffee, and notice how gross the floors are, even though they’ve been vacuumed and washed twice this week already. I do it a third time, wash the blender and accoutrements, call the vet to order Rex’s preventative lice/ flea/ tick/ heartworm medication, brush my now-green teeth, and head downstairs.

9:45 am. After a week of more-strenuous workouts, on Saturday mornings I like a Peloton recovery ride, so I choose a 20 minute one. Following that I give myself the gift of a restorative yoga practice with a silent meditation, and Rex tries to hold my hand while I have my legs up the wall.

10:30 am. I feel great! I drink some more water, and then Rex and I head to the garden. It’s supposed to rain this afternoon so I’m taking advantage of the sunshine to check things out. I get super excited to see that my spinach is close to harvesting already, weed a little, and then head back to the house as the clouds gather.

10:55 am. I make our bed, clean the ensuite, and change out the towels, after which I take a shower. Makeup on, hair done, and dressed, I put an absolutely enormous load of laundry in the washer, write out a few birthday cards, and read a document my husband asked me to review.

12:15 pm. I drive to the library to exchange some books and then to the vet to pick up the medication plus Rex’s expensive dental chews. I mail the cards, go to the bank, and then grudgingly to the grocery store to get eggs. I have long considered the egg industry to be terribly cruel, and to assuage those feelings and compromise with my egg-loving guys, we get a biweekly egg delivery from a local urban farm; I can see the hens on one of our walk routes, and they look happy and healthy. We get two dozen every two weeks, but I did not account for our older son being here for a transitional week between his dorm closing and moving into his new apartment. I spend some time talking to the employee about which eggs are most humane, buy ANOTHER two dozen, and hope fervently that the humane eggs really are.

1:15 pm. I’m home, and I’m hungry. My general view of leftovers is simply NO. I will not. The exception to this is Greek salad; I have lately been making a ridiculously large salad on Friday so I can have the leftovers on Saturday; I round it out with a protein smoothie, supplements, and lots of water. After that I brush my teeth and start food prep: two dressings for the next day’s dinner, and pasta sauce for tonight. Fun fact: I wrote about using my grandma’s trick of adding baking soda in order to cut the acidity of tomato sauce when I worked for YMC; this was in 2015 and so, predictably, my editor titled it Tomato Sauce: You’re Doing It Wrong. Wow, did I get blowback from that. Good times on the internet. As I reminisce about the days when you could expect an attack on your character for adding baking soda to tomato sauce, I wash all the dishes and wipe down the countertops.

2:30 pm. I practice my DuoLingo – I’m learning French and Arabic along with my Spanish – and then fold the giant load of laundry while talking to my mother on the phone. I brush Rex’s teeth and let him outside with a chew, I bake a pumpkin loaf and chop up cauliflower while drinking wine. I wash the associated dishes again, because I am spending my wild and precious life doing so, and also because I cannot abide a messy kitchen.

4:00 pm. I pour another glass of wine and settle in to read for a while, occasionally ambling to the kitchen to cycle pans of cauliflower into the oven and heat up water for pasta.

6:00 pm. Dinner time! We eat the roasted cauliflower with the internet-maligned pasta and sauce (it’s delicious), and the guys clean up the kitchen while I take Rex outside. I go upstairs to change into my pajamas, I brush and floss, wash my face, and apply my night creams along with my hand and feet moisturizers.

7:15 pm. Thus sexily attired and lubed up, I come downstairs to snuggle with my husband on the couch. We watch a movie – The Hit Man – but it’s so boring that I fall asleep for half an hour, and then when I wake up I’m incredibly confused. I watch the end, not knowing what’s going on, and then I go to bed.

9:10 pm. Good night!

I hope you enjoyed this peek into my Saturday! I’d love to hear about yours. xo

Cinco Para Cinco de Mayo

Posted on by

Smile More

The city is so beautiful right now; all the flowering trees are in bloom, and every day is a little bit more colourful. When Rex stops to sniff, so do I.

We came across a little painted rock on the path the other day.

We both obliged.

It was funny to find that rock as I had just finished reading a chapter in Radical Acceptance about Unconditional Friendliness, and the importance of smiling to one’s spiritual health. Buddha, the book noted, is always portrayed with a smile to illustrate this concept of Unconditional Friendliness, which means to accept and meet feelings, people, and situations with openness.

In recent years women in particular – for good reason – have bristled at being told to smile, but honestly? Smiling is pretty great when it’s on your own terms.

I was in Costco last week and it was pure chaos – this may break the already well-established record for futile statements – but I made a conscious effort to smile amidst the pure mayhem that is endemic within that store. I will tell you that while it did not make the people blocking the aisles to get their free samples of sausage slices move out of the way, it did make the entire experience better. I welcome you with Unconditional Friendliness, I thought while maneuvering around them, I say yes to this experience. My Unconditional Friendliness was challenged in the dairy section, and wavered a lot in produce, but I kept my probably-low-level psychotic smile as I breathed through it. By the time I got to the checkout, there were no lines, and so I am going to conflate correlation with causation for my own purposes.

Science, Bitches

Typically I listen to podcasts while walking with Rex, and most of the time those podcasts are as frivolous as can be, but occasionally I will listen to something serious about economics, history, or science. I was listening to an Ologies podcast about Salugenology, the science of social prescriptions that increase health and well being, the categories of such being nature, movement, art, service, and community. It was a fascinating interview and I immediately put the author’s book, The Connection Cure, on hold at the library. I haven’t been reading much non-fiction lately, but I feel sure that I will love this, and you can be sure that I will report back.

On the topic of non-fiction, I have been approached more than once in the past several months by people asking about my newly-written, but not yet ready for publication, book. Strangely, the conversation immediately pivots from I heard you wrote a book to I never read novels, only serious non-fiction. I read to learn. Which, well. There is a lot of subtext to unpack there, and a lot of opportunity to practice Unconditional Friendliness.

Bad Bad Bad Bad Books, You Make Me Feel So Good

The great thing about books and literature is that there is something for everyone; there are countless books of all subjects and genres. On yet another walk I was listening to yet another podcast, this one by two women who have a romance publishing company. One of the hosts said something interesting: when it comes to books there is a subset of people who consider a book “bad” if one of the characters makes a decision that the reader disagrees with, or if the characters are not likeable.

I don’t belong to that subset. Three of the best books I read in 2024 had extremely unlikeable characters, or characters who made dubious decisions. Sometimes those characters were in both categories. Long Island Compromise was a work of art, it was so smart and so funny and such a great commentary on our society, and every single character was absolutely atrocious. Margo’s Got Money Troubles concerned a very young woman who becomes pregnant via an affair with her professor, and opens up an Only Fans account in order to make money. My Last Innocent Year also concerned a professor-student relationship that could never end well. I guess I’m part of the subset who really enjoys ambiguous endings, unwritten backstories, and layered stories. This is not to say that I don’t occasionally enjoy a cheery, predictable romance or bouncy celebrity memoir or even a serious non-fiction tome that increases my personal font of knowledge! But the only way I will consider a book bad is if it bores me, if the writing is poor, or if it doesn’t make sense. And yet, books are so subjective, one person’s I’d give it zero stars if I could is another person’s five star winner. It’s an interesting distinction: is the book objectively bad, or did you just not like it?

Taking It Personally

I saw a quote on Kari’s blog (HI KARI) that really resonated: If you understood how frequently people cope by projecting, you would learn to take nothing personally. I feel like we all should remember this all the time, both in our interactions with others, and our own responses to situations.

I’m a Creep, I’m a Weirdo

Speaking of responses to situations, a couple of days ago I had a notification of a comment on one of my Facebook posts. I looked at it, and then looked again.

This post was on the Calgary Yoga Community page, in response to a request for studio recommendations, and was written by me in November 2015. The commenter, John R Evans, says I was wondering if we could be friends, I already tried sending you a request, but it didn’t go through. Accept my sincere friendship, and please add me up if you don’t mind. THANKS.

First of all, Unconditional Friendliness does not extend to robot men on Facebook. Second of all, I’m sure the request did go through, but I would have instantly deleted it after seeing that the poster in question “works at US Army Fort Knox” and is “widowed.”

Of course I know this is not a real person, but still, it feels creepy. I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo. Fun fact: until only a few years ago, I thought the lyrics were I’m a creep, I’m a winner, and I always thought that’s so strange, it makes no sense, I guess they’re being sarcastic? Maybe I’m the weirdo here!

Weekly Reading

Caroline. This was a reread for me, first having read it in 2018, but it my friend Laura (HI LAURA) who, I have mentioned many, many times, runs Melissa Gilbert’s Modern Prairie book club, told me that this was their latest pick. So why not? It retells Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House on the Prairie, from Caroline’s point of view, with a few interesting and notable changes – those that were based on actual census data and not from Rose Wilder Lane’s libertarian editing. The wider story is about manifest destiny and fear of the indigenous people who they were displacing, which is hard to swallow these days. Still, I found it was such a thought-provoking read about what an incredibly difficult struggle daily life was back then. It must have been terrifying to be a woman – pregnant, no less, with two small children – riding into the unknown in a covered wagon and trying to figure out how to just make do with what she had. Imagine being pregnant and unsure if there would be a woman to help you with the birth! The reliance on good neighbours and how the very few that they had literally saved their lives is fascinating as well, and is something that is glossed over in the original books to reinforce the “pull yourself up by the bootstraps, be indebted to no one” theme.

Death By A Thousand Cuts. Last summer when my friend Jen was visiting (HI JEN), we went to Mosaic Books, and I picked this up. Then I had a flood of library books, forever, so I put it on my shelf. Friends, I forgot about it! When Jen was here last weekend, she was perusing my shelves for a book to borrow while she was visiting, and found it, still with the receipt. Didn’t you buy this book when we went to the bookstore? I had to right my wrongs and read it immediately after she left. And wow, wow, wow! It is so good! This collection of short stories is compelling and moving, and I devoured it. Every time I’d finish a story I’d think okay, just ONE more. Incredible! And the author is Canadian! You can bet I’m going to read everything she’s written now.

Three Days In June. This author is hit or miss with me, and this book was definitely a hit. I really enjoyed this tiny slice of life that concerned a woman attending her daughter’s wedding, with the day before and after. There was so much humanity in this little story, I loved it.

I wish you could smell these photos! You’ll just have to imagine – they are glorious! I hope you have a beautiful week, friends. xo

Five For Friday: The Month of Cakes Edition

Posted on by

About eighteen months ago, I read a book about Jean Nidetch, the founder of Weight Watchers, and it remains to this day one of the most depressing literary experiences in my life. I was still processing the book weeks later, particularly the part where Jean advises that on one’s birthday, every single birthday for the rest of one’s life, one should bake a cake, cut the cake, serve the cake, but for god’s sake, do not eat the cake.

I’m depressed all over again just thinking about it.

Listen, you all know me. I’m all about healthy choices and nourishing one’s body, I’m all about taking care of these rental houses for our souls, and yet. The thought of not eating cake, which is to me one of life’s greatest pleasures, is so incredibly sad that I can’t bear it. I can’t bear the thought of someone hating themselves so much that they would deprive themselves of a treat even once a year, on an occasion as momentous as one’s birthday.

And you might immediately say, No, Nicole, it’s not because she hates herself! It’s because she loves herself! She wants to be the best version of herself! and maybe that’s true. Maybe. But the pursuit of thinness at all costs – particularly the cost of an annual slice of birthday cake – is genuinely soul-destroying. It feels very much like self-loathing.

I think the thing I love about cake, other than its deliciousness, is that it is very much a Sharing Dessert. I suppose one could make a single-serving mug cake, but for me part of the joy of having cake is the passing around of slices, the communal enjoyment, the sharing of the moment.

A tradition in my little family is to have a big Sunday dinner, the kind that takes several hours to make and that always includes dessert. I decided in honour of my big birthday, and also because I love cake, that I would bake and/ or consume cake every weekend in April. Not only did I meet this low-stakes goal, I exceeded it! Here’s how it went.

The first week’s cake was a golden one, layered with salted milk chocolate frosting.

For the second week, I took a page out of my friend Sammi’s book (HI SAMMI) and baked a lemon angel food cake, topped with lemon drizzle. Sammi’s trick was to use an angel food mix and sub out some of the water for lemon juice and zest, and it worked like a charm.

The third cake was a mid-week one, and it was courtesy of Sammi herself! She hosted a birthday lunch for me, and she made a glorious flourless fudge cake with chocolate-covered strawberries, which are second only to cake as my favourite dessert.

I just love strawberries, and so the fourth cake was a favourite made by my mom when she was visiting (HI MOM); it’s an angel food cake with strawberry filling, topped with non-dairy whipped cream. Divine!

Last, but certainly not least, was my Nifty Fifty grocery store sheet cake, courtesy of my husband. Chocolate on the inside, vanilla icing and lots of it on the outside; I could not have been happier! There was plenty left over from the party on Saturday to have for Sunday dinner.

I think this Sunday we will take a little break from cake – I have another dessert in mind – but soon it will be Mother’s Day and I think that is a Cake Occasion as well. Have a sweet weekend, my friends. xo

Tiny Seedy Miracles

Posted on by

After two solid weeks of festivities and celebrations, this morning I’m looking down the barrel of a quiet week of regular programming. We had our dear friends as houseguests this weekend, which always feels like a holiday, and then we hosted a barbeque for about thirty people on Saturday night.

It was such a great time with wonderful people, and I achieved my lifelong dream of having a Nifty Fifty sheet cake.

Friends, the weather here has been gorgeous, so much so that I actually planted my tomatoes, peppers, and basil. I know. I know! I’m walking on the wild side, danger is my middle name, etcetera. But the forecast is great and the worst case scenario is that I would have to cover the garden beds in the event of frost, which seems unlikely at the moment. My arugula, spinach, kale, and cilantro are all up; I was low-key fretting that my zucchini and butternut squash hadn’t made an appearance, and then suddenly they both burst into life. My zinnias have sprouted as well, and now I’m just waiting somewhat impatiently for my onions and nasturtiums. Why aren’t they up yet? I asked my son, who calmly reminded me that I had planted those seeds less than a week ago, and that they may need a little more time.

Is this about to become a garden-centric blog? Yes, probably. But isn’t it just amazing, isn’t it just AMAZING that you can put a seed in the ground and then it becomes a plant? Yes, I know this is how the horticultural world works. But still! It feels like a miracle every single time!

Speaking of miracles, Michelle (HI MICHELLE) had mentioned a book called Simple Abundance: 365 Days to a Balanced and Joyful Life. As soon as she mentioned it I knew I had to have it; usually I would start a 365 day book on January 1st, but a) I didn’t want to wait that long as I purchased the book in March, and b) I thought it would be fun to start it on my birthday. It’s a really wonderful book and I highly recommend it – along with Michelle’s blog, which brings me so much joy I cannot EVEN. Sometimes when I’m feeling glum or blue I will go to some of her dollhouse posts and just look at them until I feel better. I recommend this course of action for anyone who needs a little pep in their step these days.

Weekly Reading

In addition to Simple Abundance and a book that I will surely be talking about at length in the future, Radical Acceptance, I finished three books this week.

The Flatshare. This was such a fun, cute rom-com! A woman answers an ad for a flatshare – the trick is that she is only in the flat in the evenings and weekends, and he is in the flat during the day (he works the nightshift). So they go for a long time without meeting, only communicating via post-it notes. You know how it ends – happily! There is a great cast of characters and a lovely, chosen-family subplot. This was so enjoyable and fun to read.

Rental House. I really enjoyed this very quirky book about two couples who come from very different backgrounds: one is a Chinese immigrant, the other left his small town in the Blue Ridge Mountains, they both met at Yale. It really explores two sayings: a) you can’t choose your family, and b) when you marry a person, you marry their family. The first half was wildly funny and I couldn’t stop laughing. The second half was more poignant and moving. I found so much of it resonant, particularly the sense of duty that one can have to one’s family, while at the same time being exhausted by that sense of duty. Family of origin versus family of creation, how can they coexist? It was a great read.

Watermelon. The day a woman has her first baby, her husband tells her that he’s leaving her for another woman. This book starts off with a bang! After this shocking news, she goes back to Ireland to stay with her family, and all is going smoothly until her husband comes for a visit and attempts to reconcile. This is a long book but it doesn’t feel long, it’s a pretty quick and easy read.

Speaking of gardening, don’t you just love these wildly insane flowers? Our landscaper planted them in the fall, when we were in Italy, so I had no idea what to expect from them. At one point they looked like tiny coconut palm trees. I’m here for this weirdness! Have a wonderful week, friends. xo