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Disney’s Hollywood Studios, Where I Connect With My Star Wars Alter Ego and My Longtime Muppet Love

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Doesn’t everything feel a bit like a Herculean effort during the month of January? Yesterday morning was a feels like minus 32 with the wind chill kind of day, plus it had snowed overnight, sending traffic into one gigantic snarl, not that I’m battling traffic when I’m doing the school drop-off, but still. Just getting things done takes massive amounts of willpower: a) getting out of my cozy bed into my 16 degree house, b) getting into the freezing cold car to get to yoga, c) leaving the warm yoga studio to get back into the even-more-freezing car, d) getting out of the steamy hot shower, e) taking off the fuzzy robe to put actual clothes on in my chilly bedroom, and f) leaving the house several times a day to do various drop-offs, pick-ups, and errands. It takes a lot of effort and layering of clothing just to get through the morning routine around here.

Whenever I start to feel a bit sorry for myself in this cold climate that I am NOT suited for, I think of the Ingalls family, in their crappy little house in town. I mean, 16 degrees is nothing compared to sleeping in an unheated, un-insulated attic with only your sister’s body and a heated brick to keep you warm. It’s not like I have to undress in front of the stove, the only source of heat in the house, that is running on twisted pieces of hay. It’s not like my daily sustenance is one baked potato and a slice or two of bread. Winter life: it’s not so bad, really. Of course, comparing anything to the Ingalls’ way of life is bound to make you feel thankful for everything.

On that note, I have more to say about my Florida vacation. What? I know I’m stretching it out, but it’s JANUARY. If I don’t write about Disney’s Hollywood Studios, I’m going to be writing about how cold it is and how busy it was at the grocery store, my two usual January topics. You know you want to hear about my latest Costco experience. No?

 

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Me, in an attempt to look glamourous for Disney’s Hollywood Studios. Fun fact: I put this tank top on – containing a shelf bra – backwards, and wore it as such for a solid two hours before realizing that it was backwards, in what is the saddest commentary on my bosom ever. In fact, the only reason I realized it was backwards was that I noticed the lululemon symbol, which is normally on the back.

But I digress. No one wants to hear about my deflated state of affairs. Let’s talk Hollywood!

We went to Hollywood Studios the day after our epic Magic Kingdom day, which meant we were all a bit more tired than normal. We had planned for this, since Hollywood isn’t the biggest of the parks; in fact, we only walked 11.2 kilometers. Hollywood Studios is home to Aerosmith’s Rock and Roller Coaster, which is a blast – literally – and a stunt show starring Indiana Jones (not, obviously, the REAL Indiana Jones).

There is also the Great Movie Ride!

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This ride is so fun as it is set up like Mann’s Chinese Theatre, and while waiting for it to start a number of classic movie clips and interviews are shown. It’s very fun, and again made me wonder about the lives of the cast members involved in this ride. Basically, it’s a large tram that takes you through a number of classic movie scenes, narrated by a tour guide, and co-starring a gangster moll who hijacks the tram. I wondered how many times Aidan said “I’m your tour guide, Aidan, and I just LOVE movies!” in the course of a shift. I guess if you were an actor, maybe this would be a great on-the-side gig for you, but it WOULD get pretty repetitive. Would narrating the same thing every ten minutes with the same amount of enthusiasm lead to madness in the end? Only time will tell, I suppose.

Outside of the Great Movie Ride are the handprints and footprints of certain celebrities, just like in the real Mann’s Chinese Theatre. I tried my footprints against the Star Wars character who – according to my kids – most resembles me.

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It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and I’m wondering if it would be suitable to watch with the kids. I think I was about 13 when I saw it, so maybe? Then again, that was in the 80s, and we all know “anything goes” back then.

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My kids have flipper feet.

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KERMIE! More on him later.

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Hollywood Studios is also home to all things Star Wars, and although we were told that the Storm Troopers do NOT pose for photos, we did manage to get a family photo with Kylo Ren. Meeting Kylo Ren was much more fun than I imagined, although not as much fun (and not as soft and snuggly) as meeting Chewbacca.

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If it wasn’t insanely expensive, I would have made my husband buy this costume for (ahem) personal use.

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He wanted to buy this one though.

I have always been a big fan of the Muppets, and I was sadly disappointed when the new Muppet show was cancelled.

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Oh well, Kermie. We’ll always have Orlando. Here’s looking at you, kid.

Magic Kingdom, or The Land of Many Mouse Ears

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It’s January, so no one should be surprised, but I still shuddered a little when I checked the weather forecast, and the following warning popped up at me:

BITTER COLD AHEAD FOR ALBERTA IN JANUARY

Not just cold, BITTER cold!

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This was the view from my parents’ place on Boxing Day, when it was minus 32 with wind chill. Pretty! But so cold.

Well. ‘Tis the season, and there’s nothing for it but to bundle up and drink a lot of cinnamon tea, which is precisely what I am doing right now. That and keeping warm by thinking of our Florida holiday – we’ve been home over a month and I still haven’t written about Magic Kingdom! I shall rectify that immediately.

We went to Magic Kingdom on the third day of our holiday. Magic Kingdom is the most popular of all the Disney World parks, as evidenced by the giant double buses that transfer people from the resort. The funniest moment of the day came on the bus, on the way to Magic Kingdom. A group of moms with their kids were standing near us, holding the rails, and one little boy said, in a very loud and clear voice, “ARE YOU GOING TO POLE DANCE, MOMMY?” I am going to assume that she is a practitioner of pole dancing fitness classes, and not a stripper, but still, it was amusing.

At the Disney resorts, there are waiting areas for each of the buses, and it’s kind of alarming to see the huge lineup of people waiting for the Magic Kingdom bus; happily, since the buses are gigantic, they can accommodate a lot of people and all their strollers and paraphernalia. Of course, there are more strollers here than anywhere else, since Magic Kingdom is the park that is most enjoyable for the little ones. It is also the park that has the most toddler meltdowns per square foot, the most little girls dressed up like princesses, and the most mouse ears.

Side note on the princesses: IT IS ADORABLE. At Magic Kingdom, there are so many opportunities for kids to meet the “real” characters, and it seems like the big attractions are meeting Cinderella, Ariel, Belle, and the other big-name princesses whose names I do not know because I haven’t seen a Disney princess movie in some years. Kids can also get all dressed up, and get their hair done as well, for these experiences, so everywhere you look there are tiny princesses in pouffy dresses with updos and tiaras. It is pretty cute. Apparently there is a more masculine option for little boys – I think it’s to get dressed up as a pirate – but to be honest, I didn’t see any.

Interestingly, there is a rule at Disney that dressing up as a princess is only for the under-14 set. So if you have your heart set on wearing your ballgown and tiara to Disney, you had better save the luggage space for regular clothes. There is a very good reason for this, and that is that Disney doesn’t want unauthorized princesses on the premises, because guests might think that they are employees. This is very smart, because at Universal Studios, there are thousands of people walking around in Harry Potter robes, and it is easy to assume that you might be able to ask them questions about the park. It’s actually a bit disorienting, so I applaud Disney on that rule.

Another side note: the mouse ears. Remember back in the day when the only mouse ears were those felty black hats that had names embroidered on the back? Life has changed since then and there are so many mouse ear options. There are women walking around with bridal veil mouse ears, accompanied by girlfriends wearing sparkly bridesmaid-style mouse ears, there are Christmas-themed mouse ears, full-on Minnie Mouse ears with bows – pretty much anything you can imagine, you can buy.

Yet another side note: the fashion. The last time we went to Disney, I wore my support stockings under my capri-length jeans, and my mother was MORTIFIED on my behalf. I answered that if she saw what people wore at Disney, she wouldn’t be so concerned. Now, there are no judgments here. I am not the fashion police. I understand the desire to keep everyone together. And still. And still I was a little bit surprised at the sheer volume of groups of people wearing matching shirts. Smith Family Disney Vacation 2016! the shirts proclaimed, in bright colours. Daddy Mouse, Mommy Mouse, Brother Mouse, Sister Mouse said others. So many custom shirts in matching bright colours – even fluorescent tie-dyed ones. That’s great, but I have a question.

Do people wear the matching shirts every day and if so, how badly do they smell at the end of the vacation? Or do they wash them in the sink on a daily basis? I mean, it’s hot in Orlando. When we were there I was precluded from even being a fashion disaster by wearing my support hose, because it was too hot. The thought of putting on my medical grade stockings made me want to die, so I didn’t. So, you can imagine how hot and sweaty and humid things are – what happens to the matching t-shirts?

Also, occasionally I would see a teenage girl wearing her matching monogrammed shirt, trying desperately to pretend that she didn’t belong to the super-embarrassing group. It reminded me of Rusty in European Vacation, with his monogrammed beret. Won’t someone think of the teenagers? If my parents had, GOD FORBID, made me wear a matching shirt when I was that age, I would have literally died.

Anyway. Back to the park. We split our day up into two parts: we went early in the morning for a few hours, and then went back later for fireworks and extended “Magic Hours,” which meant we were there until 1:00 in the morning. Zzzz. Magic Kingdom is kind of old-school, with rides I absolutely love, like the Jungle Cruise.

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Everything was decorated for Christmas, including the fake tarantula:

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I ended up wondering about the employees, as is my wont, and particularly if the rehearsed speeches by the Jungle Cruise Tour Guides would haunt them in their sleep. How many times would a Jungle Cruise guide – or ANY employee dealing with public speaking – say the same exact thing during a shift? Would you go home and just start cracking bad jokes about watching your step, so you wouldn’t have TWO bad trips instead of one? Would it just become second nature to say “I’m Nicole, I’ll be your skipper today” when meeting someone new? When I worked at Pizza Hut as a teenager, I often answered our home phone with “Hunterhorn Pizza Hut, Nicole speaking.” I can only imagine.

Magic Kingdom is split into Tomorrowland (featuring Space Mountain), Adventureland, Fantasyland, and, my kids’ favourite, Frontierland. Frontierland is home to Big Thunder Mountain and Splash Mountain, both big favourites in the Boyhouse. I lost count of how many times we went on those. We were only able to go on the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train once, but it was very fun. There is also the famous Sleeping Beauty castle, which is kind of dull to walk through, unless you are having breakfast with Cinderella or something. It makes a fabulous backdrop for a photo though.

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The most special experience of the trip was the fireworks. After our morning at Magic Kingdom and an afternoon relaxing by the resort pool, we went back for fireworks. The best place to view them, after some discussion with employees, is on the green space between Casey’s Corner and the ice cream parlor on Main Street. The fireworks start at ten, but we were pretty exhausted, so settled on a patch of grass shortly before nine. It was well worth the wait. The experience was truly incredible. No one does fireworks like Disney.

After the fireworks we slowly edged our way through the massive crowds – be prepared for MASSIVE CROWDS – and enjoyed the shorter lineups for Magic Hours. We then dragged our exhausted selves to the bus stop and waited for what seemed like an interminable time for our bus. It was probably only 15 or 20 minutes but at that point we had walked for 19.1 kilometers, we had been up and at it since 6:30 in the morning, and we were pretty tired of people, in general. Still, a great day and a wonderful experience. I didn’t meet any Disney characters but I did get to eat a delicious frozen strawberry bar, so I call it a draw.

FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS

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Happy New Year!

I was in a class yesterday and the teacher was talking about numerology, something I know very little about, and of which I’m slightly wary. 2016 was a 9 (2+1+6=9) and life goes, apparently, in nine-year cycles; the end of a cycle can be tumultuous and full of grief, endings, and closing doors. 2017 is a 1, meaning a time of new beginnings and initiatives, which is a perfect way to think of the new year, in my opinion.

Here’s to new beginnings! January can be a bit of a grim month, what with the post-holidays blues and – in my case – the frigidly cold weather. But it can also be kind of exciting, what with fresh new things to think about. Plus, the theme for the month of January in my Horse Yoga calendar is “Strength,” which seems apt. It takes strength to get out of my warm cozy bed in the morning, into the cold. It takes strength to get out of the steamy shower, and strength to actually put on regular clothes. We can do it though, we can be like the horse in the funky headstand.

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The quote on the bottom says “Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”

Some people pooh-pooh resolutions and goals and “words of intention” in January, and it is true, most resolutions are scrapped by mid-January. Exercise machines have a tendency to become clothes-hangers and healthy living cookbooks collect dust. Regardless of that, I love New Year’s resolutions. I love the idea that we are all hoping to turn a fresh leaf and better ourselves, to make the world a bit brighter and our bodies healthier. In the words of the movie version of Professor Bhaer, we are all hopelessly flawed, so why shouldn’t we turn to self-improvement? It’s never a waste of time. We need to harness the good energy, block out the bad.

We all know that when resolutions fail it is because of their extreme nature. If someone has never exercised in their life, then probably setting a goal of six two-hour workouts a week is not sustainable. There’s a reason people don’t stay on the Whole 30 for their entire lives. It’s not sustainable. Which is not to say there aren’t benefits to a new exercise program or eating regimen, it’s just that smaller steps towards healthier living are much better than an extreme lifestyle change.

Anyway, I have a few goals that I’m going to work towards; more piano playing and less social media-ing, writing down the books I finish so I can see what I read during the year, using the library more (so much easier now that I have the CPL app on my phone), continuing to do three cardio workouts a week, continuing to track all my expenses, continuing to find joy and happiness in little things, continuing to work on being more social and flexible in my thinking, and, finally, finding focus.

I often pride myself on my ability to multi-task, but lately it has occurred to me that this is nothing at all to be proud of. Multi-tasking just means I am not doing a good job at focusing on one thing at a time. Think about it: instead of doing one thing at a time well, I am attempting to do many things at the same time, not well. Flitting from task to task is not the most efficient or effective way to complete anything. How much better would it be if I sat down to write and instead of having ten tabs open with notifications popping up all the time, I simply used my time to write creatively? How much better would it be if I completed one thing before moving on to the next, instead of always restarting? How much better would it be if I wasn’t always interrupting myself to do something else, if I just focused on ONE THING? I AM NOT A HUMMINGBIRD, PEOPLE.

So that is what I’m going to do. When the kids or my husband talk to me, I am going to put down my phone or book and really listen and pay attention to what they have to say. When I am cooking, I am going to pay attention to what I am cooking and stay in the moment. When I’m reading, I’m not going to interrupt myself to make my grocery list and when I’m in savasana I’m not going to think, not for one second, about my daily to-do list. It’s going to be about staying in the moment and focusing, and it’s going to be hard, but as the horse yogi says, strength comes from an indomitable will. I can do it!

 

2016 Boyhouse Year In Review

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Everyone is talking about kicking 2016 to the curb, and certainly it was a strange year, with sadness and loss and disheartening attacks. There were lots of tragedies this year, but as always, there is light and love and laughter to be had too. 2016 had some tough losses in the Boyhouse, but there were also many wonderful, hilarious, and silly happenings.

January

I started the year by detoxing my life, and then I was forced into a Little House on the Prairie situation in which I did not have electricity for a whole day. My husband bought me an ice cream maker, which literally changed our entire lives and has since proven to be one of my most favourite small appliances ever.

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February

I attempted to Kondo my clothes, which ended badly. I had an anxiety dream about Cookie Monster, which may have been related to terribly uncomfortable Pap tests. And it was a Leap Year!

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I also discovered they still make Fun Dip!

March

I talked about beauty products, wine, and eye bags, and wondered what life would be like if we could walk around with a permanent Instagram filter. I had a mammogram and was struck by my inability to follow basic instructions. And we went to Maui, and I briefly wondered what life would be like as a motivational speaker.

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April

I talked about weight loss and my love of clothes, I found out that the taco and eggplant emojis do not mean tacos and eggplants, and I went on two field trips to the Police Interpretive Centre.

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It was also an incredibly warm spring and my Mayday bloomed in April, which has never happened before!

May

My kids and husband cleaned the entire house for Mother’s Day and it was way better than a Mother’s Day tea. My sweet friend Alison passed away, and she is much missed. I went to my second-last Volunteer Tea, at which my son was emcee.

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And the lilacs bloomed in May!

June

I had more than one person become weirdly passionate about my eyebrows, which is when I discovered that eyebrows are really a “thing” these days, there was a Mafia-like turf war in my backyard, waged by neighbourhood birds, and my sweet baby cousin got married!

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We did NOT stay in this motel, but it does have In-Room Coffee! And Vacancy!

July

I became extremely disheartened by people and a heated discussion about reclining airplane seats, I learned how to bake a pie, and I found lots to smile about in little things.

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My roses had a record year!

August

I read the Life Changing Magic of Tidying-Up and it magically changed my life, Barkley got very sick – but then recovered, no need for panic – and I continued to Kondo everything, and I made a resolution about clothing purchases.

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September

I took the car for an oil change and remembered why I never take the car for an oil change, I had a slight blip in my magical tidying-up journey, I did that “three fictional characters that describe me” AND my friend’s sister let me in on the secret to a shiny, beautiful fridge and it CHANGED MY LIFE. 

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October

My attempts at getting to my in-laws’ for Thanksgiving weekend kept getting thwarted by the weather, although it did work out in the end, I talked about not buying things not on my lists, and also how hard it is to work customer service, and I had confessions to make.

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November 

There was – and still is – a vanilla shortage, which meant it was all Panic at the Disco around here, I went on a field trip in which hundreds of fifth-and-sixth graders were given NOISE MAKERS, and we said goodbye to my father-in-law.

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Also: my second-last book fair!

December

We went to Orlando, and it was a fabulous trip, I talked about Disney’s Animal Kingdom and also Universal Studios. We also did Christmassy stuff, of course.

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AND AND AND! I became a Registered Yoga Teacher!

So that’s about it for the Boyhouse for 2016! See you next year. May 2017 bring us all health, happiness, and lots of laughter. xoxo

It’s a Festivus for the Rest of Us.

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I am BUZZING on caffeine. It’s 7:14, I’ve been awake for over three hours, and I have people coming over this afternoon. Whee!

Note: I say this like it’s something unusual but the fact is I am almost always awake around 4, so it’s just like a regular day, with the exception that it is December 23:

I’ve been on a bit of a tear this week, with baking too many things and cleaning way too much. On Wednesday, I had that feeling that all is a shambles and so I recruited the children for some good, old-fashioned housecleaning. You know the kind: scrubbing down the kitchen cupboards, cleaning behind the garbage cans, dusting all surfaces and baseboards, and re-sealing all the granite, all to the tune of “80s Yacht Rock” on Spotify. The children went along with it, probably in fear for their lives.

I am a very organized person and I’ve been “ready” for Christmas for a while – gifts purchased long ago, wrapped weeks ago, baking done (and consumed by the children, so this is more of an ongoing thing). However, purchasing groceries is not something that can really be done in advance, unless you’re into rotten vegetables and mouldy bread. So, yesterday I took a deep breath and went to Superstore.

Holy moly, even in the morning it was insane: the parking lot was packed, people were everywhere. I listened to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch “Good Vibrations” on my way, just to get myself in the right head space. The only way out is through, I said to myself, as I breathed deep ujjayi breaths, maneuvering into a parking spot far from the entrance. I vowed to just smile at everyone I saw, to really embody the Christmas spirit.

The first person I smiled at was an old man at the cart corral. This led to a brief flirtation – what can I say, I’m irresistible to the septuagenarian set – and I noted that there were very few cars in the corral, an ominous sign. The old man wished me a Merry Christmas and said “I hope we all took our patience pills!” as we went in. I’m going in.

It was pretty crazy but I kept smiling like an escaped lunatic who just wanted some nice produce and also some Motrin and tofu. It doesn’t matter how long this takes, I kept thinking to myself as I tried to wheel my giant cart around a crowd of other carts and an employee with a giant dolly of items to restock, It doesn’t matter in the long run. I can be here all morning. What difference will it make? I did make it out, finally, and then I went to the liquor store along with – apparently – every old person within a ten kilometre radius. What is with all the elderly? This isn’t Co-Op.

One of my favourite wines, as I’ve said before, is Middle Sister. It speaks to me, as a middle sister (well, middle child and sister so technically Middle Sister is an accurate description). I love how they often change the labels. My favourite was “After waking up at Stupid O’Clock this morning, I’m looking forward to Wine O’Clock tonight.” which aptly describes every Friday of my life. But they’ve changed the labels again and this is my new favourite:

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Santa Baby, just slip a bottle of Cabernet under the tree, for me. Been an awful good girl.

All of which is to say I am now completely “ready for Christmas,” food and all. There were many, many awful things in 2016, but there is much still to celebrate, and I hope you and yours can enjoy a peaceful, joyful, wonderful holiday season, with or without feats of strength and airing of grievances. xo

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Finally Feeling Festive, and Universal Studios: Wilder, Faster, Scarier, and Wetter.

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Normally I’m in full-on festive mode on November 1st, MAYBE November 2 if I’m exhausted from Halloween. But this year November didn’t feel very festive to me; too crazy, too busy, too sad. I was putting myself through the motions a little bit, but now after this weekend, I feel like myself again. It’s full on Nicole the Elf.

Friday was the first Friday night I have been at home since late August. So naturally, my husband had romantic plans for me: a trip to Canadian Tire. We bought a couple of strings of red Christmas lights to go with our icicles, light-up trees and animals, and other outdoor ornaments, plus two new extension cords. Woot. Then when we got home, he realized that we needed more clips for the lights, and recruited Mark to go with him. They came back with green spotlights, a light-up snowman and giant gift box, and eight glowing candy canes to make my lifelong dream of a candy cane lane come true. And they did get the clips as well.

My husband spent five hours arranging everything on Saturday, in the minus 25 degree weather, never once asking for my help, so there’s several stars on his heavenly crown. I made gingersnaps and we watched Love, Actually for the first time. Actually, I loved it!

Isn’t it funny how things like a movie or Christmas song can become combative and divisive? If you want proof that such things can be dramatically polarizing, just try mentioning Baby, It’s Cold Outside or Love, Actually. There are many arguments that Love, Actually is a terrible movie, and those arguments seem to be mainly based on the fact that it doesn’t show “real love” and isn’t “realistic,” has poor messages, etcetera. Have you SEEN the news lately? If anything is over-rated, it’s reality, and so when I watch a movie I want it to be as escapist as possible. I just want some good smooching scenes and a story line that doesn’t have anything to do with The End Of The World As We Know It, and therefore, I give Love, Actually two thumbs up.

Speaking of escapism, let’s talk Universal Studios!

We visited Universal Studios twice during our vacation, for a grand total of 18 hours and 29.6 kilometres of walking. Universal is, in the words of my husband, a lot more rock and roll than Disney. The rides are wilder, faster, scarier, and wetter. The big roller coasters: Hulk, RipIt Rocket, and Dragon Challenge all make Expedition Everest look like a children’s carousel. I am an intrepid roller coaster rider, and I actually thought I was going to black out on Hulk.

But the water rides, hoo boy. Last time we were at Universal, Mark went on a water ride called Dudley Do-Right’s Ripsaw Falls. He went by himself because the temperature was about 20 degrees and overcast and no one else wanted to get wet. He talked about it a lot, and since it was 30 degrees and humid when we were at Universal, Jake and I decided to accompany him. In my mind I envisioned something like Disney’s Splash Mountain – a few big hills with some splashing. I was not prepared for what happened. Fortunately – foreshadowing! – my husband decided to sit it out and hold my bag. The boys and I were getting on the ride when I asked the employee where I could sit to minimize getting wet. He looked at me with great amusement and said “It doesn’t matter. You’re going to be soaked.”

This turned out to be only too true. After a few splashy downhills, I started to curse Mark for coercing me into this. Then, as we were heading up a tall hill in our little log, I saw it: a waterfall that we were going to go through. An actual sheet of water. By the time the ride was over, my hair – which was in a bun – was plastered to my head, I had mascara streaks down my cheeks and on my chin, leaving only a few spikes on my actual eyelashes, and I was participating in my own personal wet t-shirt contest, the ONE DAY I wore a white tank top instead of a black tank top. Believe me when I say it was the saddest wet t-shirt contest ever.

If you love being clammy and wet for an entire day, I recommend this ride. Otherwise – maybe take a pass. I did see some young girls going on all the water rides, smartly dressed in bikini tops and little shorts, like the Florida veterans they were. I am not normally a “Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top” kind of girl, also being 41, but I tell you that I envied them, as my tank top clung to me clammily as the sun went down.

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Universal has all sorts of Marvel Comic rides – like the aforementioned Hulk, and Spider Man. It did make me wonder what would happen to those rides, now that Disney has bought Marvel. At any rate, the Universal employee costumes are much, much better looking than the Disney ones, as you can see here.

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One of my favourite parts of Universal was Krustyland. If you’re a Simpsons fan, this is very fun, and all the employees are dressed in Krustyland red-striped sideshow shirts.

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That’s me BEFORE the water ride.

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If you’re lucky, and you time it right, you can even fulfill your lifelong dream of getting your photo taken with Krusty the Clown and Sideshow Bob. I had to wait until the second day to do this, but it was strangely exhilarating.

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Don’t I look excited?

Of course, Universal is home to Harry Potter land, and I will admit something right now: I’m not a Harry Potter fan. I mean, I’m not NOT a fan, but I have never been interested in seeing any of the movies or reading the books. I live with three fans, however, and they were enthralled. Hell, I was enthralled too. The detailing is amazing and if you have passes to both sides of Universal – both Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure – you can take the Hogwarts Express between the two. We did that many times and it was really special.

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The train takes you between Hogwarts and Diagon Alley.

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My mother-in-law had given the kids money to buy wands at Diagon Alley, and it was a really special experience. You do not just walk in, grab a wand, and pay for it. There’s a whole wand ceremony, and throughout Diagon Alley are spots to use the interactive wands. If the wand-holder does the “spell” correctly, it activates a display – a water fountain spurts, a bird starts flapping its wings, a hat floats into the air. It is well worthwhile for fans and non-fans alike.

The 3D adventure rides – there is one at Gringott’s Bank and one at Hogwarts Castle – are a lot of fun but beware! I felt a little queasy and nauseous at the Hogwarts one, which has you flying through the air playing Quiddich. As I mentioned, I have a stomach of steel for roller coasters but this one did make me feel a bit off.

On the other end of the spectrum is the Who-ville Land, all gentle rides meant for the Dr. Seuss set. I forced the kids to go on a couple of those rides and we actually got stuck for a few minutes on the Cat and the Hat ride. We were stuck in the living room, on a ride shaped like a couch, for probably less than five minutes, but with the continuous loop of children’s music it felt like a lot longer. It reminded me of a colleague of my husband’s, who was once stuck on It’s A Small World for 45 minutes. This was what she looked like afterwards:

Anyway, if you have little ones it is a nice, quiet part of the park. Plus, at Christmas it’s all decorated up.

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At five o’clock on most days Universal hosts a parade, and if you’re there at Christmas, it is a copy of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. We missed it by one day when we were there, but we had seen it on our previous trip, and it is a lot of fun.

snoopy

Ah, look at that outfit. I am currently wearing two sweaters, knee-length wool socks, jeans, and fuzzy slippers and I am FREEZING. It looks like it has warmed up to minus 13 (minus 22 with wind chill!) and I really should put on eight more layers to take poor beleaguered Barkley out for a walk. I also have teacher gifts to make (these, if you’re interested, and maybe some of this or this) because the last day of school is FRIDAY THE SIXTEENTH WHAT THE HELL SCHOOL BOARD. All of which is to say, my frozen fingers are signing off. xo

Disney’s Animal Kingdom, or “What’s a Yeti?”

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Good grief, it is cold in Calgary right now, even by Calgary standards. Preparing the children for school feels a bit like that Hoth scene in The Empire Strikes Back – “My friend is out there!” – and all the dogs in the city are going slowly mad, stuck in the house. Spare a thought for the elementary school teachers who have nothing but indoor recesses as far as the eye can see.

On that note, I’m longingly thinking of last week, when I felt a bit too hot. I miss that feeling, and so I’m revisiting the Disney parks, one by one, in my mind.

Animal Kingdom is my favourite of the Disney parks, and it is also the most beautiful, with carefully crafted and wonderfully detailed homages to parts of Africa and Asia, and also a section called Dinoland USA.

Small digression: none of the costumes/ uniforms worn by park employees are in any way attractive or flattering. In fact, it’s almost as if Disney wants their employees to be as androgynous and sexless as possible, and selects clothing for that purpose. However, the costumes worn in Dinoland USA are by far the worst, as far as appearances go. Bright red blouses with blue sleeves and yellow collars are paired with yellow slacks with a green dinosaur motif and red dinosaur footprints on the butt. I found myself spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about the costume, and were the Dinoland USA employees disappointed when they were assigned such outfits to wear, and how many costumes were each employee assigned? If you were working at Dinoland USA did you have several of those pants hanging in your closet, or would you have to always be doing laundry? Because it would seem a bit depressing to open a closet to several of those costumes hanging there.

Then I started thinking about the employees’ welfare in general. Disney is by all accounts an excellent employer, but I wondered which job would be worse: working in the Florida heat and humidity all day, or being inside in a dark and loud, icily air-conditioned indoor ride? I can imagine it would be hard to work in the unrelenting heat all day, but I think it would be worse to never see the sun, only the artificial dim lighting in the indoor rides, along with the cacophony of screams and ride noises and terrible music. I started to worry about those employees and their Vitamin D levels, and if it wasn’t weird, I probably would have asked them if they were taking supplements.

Not to mention the air-conditioning, my god, the air-conditioning. Maybe it’s just my frozen Reynaud’s hands and feet talking, but the air-conditioning is something else. Floridians must really love their air-conditioning because it seems to be set on “hell has frozen over” at all times. Our hotel room, each time it was serviced, was turned down to 64 degrees Fahrenheit, and each time a door opened I was subjected to an icy blast. Tip: if you go, take a long-sleeved shirt with you to put on every time you go indoors, because it is shocking.

That was a long digression.

Animal Kingdom is truly beautiful, and if there is one thing Disney does well, it’s the details.

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See what I mean? The Kilimanjaro Safari is a very lovely ride, and we went once in the morning and once in the late afternoon, and both times were very different and wonderful.

flamingos

I loved flamingos as a child, because my favourite colour was pink. I still love them, and they are so funny to watch, because they are constantly turning their heads from side to side, like they can’t EVEN with things.

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Animal Kingdom is home to my favourite ride of all: Expedition Everest. If you are a fan of wild roller coasters, this one is fantastic. Conversely, if you are not a fan, DO NOT GO ON THIS. Last time we were here, the whole family went on it and my husband and younger son had motion sickness because of it. But I loved it and went twice this trip; once on my own and once with Mark.

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There’s usually a long wait, and Disney makes the wait kind of fun, because of all the little details and story-telling along the way. The story is that you are in a museum dedicated to “Yeti research” and so there are little vignettes about the last expedition, and the cameras they found that had hairy blurred faces in them, and so forth.

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So it’s all yetis, all the time at Expedition Everest. Every single display tells a yeti story, so I found it quite funny when I was almost at the front of the line and it became apparent that not everyone shared my joy in soaking up the little details. One of the little displays had a giant cast of a “yeti footprint” and the woman behind me said to her teen daughters, “Oh look, that must be a big beehive or wasp nest or something.”

One of the girls rolled her eyes and the other said “MOM, it’s supposed to be a footprint? Of a yeti?”

The mother, who apparently had not taken in anything in the previous twenty-five minutes, said “What’s a yeti? Did you girls learn about this in school or something?”

I wonder how she felt about the ride itself, which features a shadow play of a yeti ripping the train track off in front of you, and then has a giant animatronic yeti growling at you.

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We spent nine hours at the park and walked 14.3 kilometers, and it was worth every step. My kids and husband would probably want me to tell you that their favourite ride was Dinosaur, which is kind of fun and features a video preamble with Phylicia Rashad. That got me thinking about her, and wondering about her life as Mrs. Huxtable, because standing in line a lot will do that to you. What do Phylicia Rashad and Dinoland USA have in common? They occupy Nicole’s thoughts a lot at Animal Kingdom, I guess.

On that note, I’m off to bake bread and make lentil stew, because if there is something that is missing at Disney World, it’s lentils. I may be the only person who noticed their omission though. Have a beautiful weekend, and stay warm. xo