If you have been reading this for any amount of time, you know that I am staunchly Pro-Aging, that I have been working to embrace my aging, perimenopausal body, and for the most part, I have succeeded. There is one thing, however, that has caused me a great deal of angst and embarrassment, and that is hair loss and thinning.

I will tell you honestly that I really hesitated before writing this post, because for some reason I can talk about my periods and my drooping breasts and my rounding tummy and how I needed to buy Always “Discreet” for high impact activities, but when it comes to my hair, I feel a great deal of shame and embarrassment. This should not be the case because thinning hair is a very common occurrence for women of my age and older. It’s probably way more common than we think.

If I am going to be totally honest, I am probably more prone to it than many people because I can distinctly remember my paternal grandmother wearing a wig when I was young. I do not have genetics on my side, people.

I have had a fraught relationship with my hair my entire life; it’s a very sensitive and touchy subject for me, and the reasons for this could fill an entire book, let alone a blog post. Suffice it to say that it’s important to me to have nice hair, and last fall things were at an absolute low point, hair-wise. I was cleaning out my hairbrush every day and every day there would be a handful of hair in there, I noticed all my hair ties were looser around my bun than before, and just the act of pulling my hair into a bun revealed places where my scalp was visible. BALD SPOTS. I was developing BALD SPOTS. Listen, no woman in the world wants to go bald, and I was particularly upset about this, for all of the above reasons. I knew something had to change.

There are three main causes of hair loss: dietary and nutritional deficiencies, stress, and hormonal changes such as those experienced during perimenopause. I knew my hair loss was due to the latter; I wasn’t under any undue stress, my diet is very rich in vitamins and nutrients, as well as sufficient calories, protein, and fat. I take multivitamins daily without fail, plus supplemental biotin, and I have done this for years. I knew it was a hormonal issue, I just wasn’t sure how to solve it. In desperation, I threw everything at the problem but the kitchen sink, starting six months ago, and I am happy to report that my efforts have really paid off. My hairbrush only yields a few strands a day, my hair ties are snug, and, best of all, my bald spots, while not perfect, have really started filling in. Here’s how I did it!

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Scary Hair Affair Edition

From The Inside Out

The biggest and most effective treatment I have undertaken is Nutrafol, which is a supplement specifically designed for women in perimenopause and menopause. I usually skip through advertisements on podcasts, but I had listened to a few about Nutrafol and I was very curious. I have been taking it for six months exactly, every single day, and let me tell you, it lives up to the hype. I could see a difference after only one month, and now, six months later, the difference in my hair health, fullness, and thickness is significant.

There are downsides, of course. One of them is that a daily dose is four capsules, which feels like a lot of capsules. The capsules themselves have a bit of a weird aftertaste, although – like the smell of Ilia skin tint serum – this is something I have gotten used to and barely notice anymore. The biggest downside, however, is the cost. It is EXPENSIVE, particularly if you live in Canada and hence have to deal with the exchange rate and international shipping. That said, there is usually a podcast discount code available, and I have just received my second six-month shipment into which the company added a full-sized shampoo and conditioner as a “free” gift, so I do think it is worth the expense. If I am choosing between buying what amounts to an expensive supplement, and bald spots, I am going to choose the expensive supplement every time.

From The Outside In

In terms of data collection and experiment integrity, I made a mistake. I started using scalp serums at the same time that I started Nutrafol, so who knows what effect, if any, they have had. I’m going to guess Not Much, but I am still using them. I think they probably add slightly to my root density; in any case, they don’t hurt, and are not overly expensive.

I love The Ordinary products in general – they are really good value – and I have been using this serum on my scalp before bed every night for the past six months. I worried it would make my hair oily, but it really doesn’t. It is supposed to encourage regrowth and density, and maybe it does? Who can say.

I like this Bondi Boost Intensive Spray; I use it on my scalp after I wash my hair, which is every two to three days, depending on the week and it’s activities. I do think it boosts root volume, but again, I have no idea if it helps with density and regrowth. It smells nice, which is a huge selling point in my book.

Wrap Star

I have been meaning to write about microfibre hair wraps with buttons since August 2020, when Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) recommended them. She recommended it, I immediately bought it, and now, only thirty-three months later, I am telling you about it.

I used to just wrap my hair in a regular towel, but this is so much gentler on my delicate-flower hair. Because of the button in the back, it stays on perfectly while I do my makeup, rather than slowly flopping over as a towel is wont to do in my hair.

Brush With Fame

A while back, San (HI SAN) mentioned a brush that she used to detangle her hair. I looked at the photo and was skeptical. The brush just seemed so…pokey. San assured me that it really did work and while the brand of brush she uses was exorbitantly priced in Canada (WHY, CANADA??) I found a similar one for what I consider to be a reasonable price.

I have to tell you that San was right, it really does work. It detangles without pulling, and although there are always a few strands in the brush, it certainly helps with breakage.

The Breakup With Breaking Up

I know that putting my hair up into a bun is hard on it in terms of breakage, but I just can’t quit doing it. I need to be able to teach without my hair falling into my face, if I’m exercising or gardening I like to have it tied back for convenience, sometimes it is so windy here that I need to have it contained while walking the dog, so that it isn’t whipped around into little knots.

I threw away every last one of my old hair ties, because I often found little broken-off pieces of hair in them. I bought two different kinds of Goody brand hair ties for my bun, and they work like a charm. Very rarely do they have pieces of hair in them when I take my hair down.

There are two items in my hair wardrobe that 2000s Nicole would have been appalled at, but 90s Nicole could not live without: scrunchies and claw clips. To be fair, I have been using scrunchies to hold a messy bun for my workouts for probably five or six years, who knows, the pandemic left me with no sense of time. I, like everyone else with long, spiral permed hair, wore them all the time back in the early 90s, and it was a mental hurdle I had to leap to let them back into my life twenty-five years hence. I will say that nothing works quite so well for exercise AND is gentle to brittle locks than a scrunchie, and since I am past the age of really caring what’s in fashion, I may just use them until I am in my grave or have been scattered over the ocean or have become human compost or, less dramatically, have cut my hair into an age-appropriate bob.

The claw clip though: I never thought I’d see the day. Not since my university days have I worn one and never did I think I’d wear one again, but here I am, in high-waisted jeans and a claw clip. What’s next, crop tops? Spaghetti-strapped floral dresses with baby tees underneath? Denim vests? PALAZZO PANTS?

In any case, claw clips are a cute and easy way to put my hair up quickly when needed, and there is no breakage involved.

Outfit of the Month

In a still hair-related anecdote, albeit not of the mane variety, Friday morning of the long weekend I decided I NEEDED to get body sugaring done. I decided I could not wait one more day. I was surprised and grateful that there was one appointment left that day – did I mention Friday of the long weekend? – and I snagged it. I zoomed over in between bouts of gardening, and my Sugar Lady greeted me with a “Wow, look at you! You look so hip and cool!” Me? Cool and hip? This isn’t something I usually feel and I laughed and said that I was just in my gardening outfit. My Sugar Lady told me that I should consider myself a Hot Gardener, and now I think that maybe everyone needs a cheerleader like my Sugar Lady in their life.

These jeans have made many appearances on this blog and in my life, and that is because I have had them since 2008. They kind of look like it too, but they are so comfortable. The Talk To Me Goose tank was a gift from my husband before the screening of Top Gun: Maverick. You all know how I feel about Top Gun, and if you don’t, let’s just say I have taken many life lessons from that movie, as well as the sequel. It’s not the plane, it’s the pilot! Never fire unless fired upon! You, asshole, you’re lucky to be here!

Well, we are all lucky to be here, thinning hair and all. As I said, I really hesitated prior to writing this but ultimately, I wanted to say that if you are also experiencing hair loss and thinning, please know that you’re not alone. I feel your pain! It really is an upsetting thing to experience, but there are products out there that can help, at least to some extent. If you have any products or experiences to share, I’d love to hear them, as always. xo

Last June, I attended the social part of a conference my husband’s company was hosting at the Banff Springs; it was my first Major Social Event since before the pandemic, and I was so excited to go, dress up, and talk to as many people as possible. It was so much fun, and Nicole The Hug Monster was unleashed, which was a little bit unnerving after the fact as my husband received notification that one of the conference attendees was Confirmed Covid post-conference, but I didn’t get sick and neither did anyone else on my husband’s team, including him.

My favourite part about events like this is the social aspect, but also, I love to get all dressed up. Quite frankly, I felt really beautiful in my nice dress and my dark lipstick and my heels, but as I chatted with the other women there – all of whom were around my age or a few years older – I couldn’t help but notice something: they all had really, really gorgeous skin. Dewy, glowing, and smooth, their faces were lacking in wrinkles, particularly, and crucially for me and comparisons with my own face, on their foreheads. Normally I try to refrain from commenting on other people’s appearances, but we were all several glasses of wine in by this time, and I plaintively said they were all gorgeous, their skin was gorgeous, and what was their secret?

At this point they all glanced at each other and started laughing. “Oh honey,” one of them said to me, “It’s Botox!” Another woman said, “Honestly, the doctor’s office is the only way to go.”

Ah! I see.

I am not a woman with low self-esteem in any department, and I am satisfied with and confident in my physical appearance, but I will tell you this: at that moment, I felt somewhat akin to the Crypt Keeper. I did not feel great about my Forever Furrowed Brow and Eternal Eye Bags. I have, at times, briefly considered consulting with a dermatologist, but have always opted for not consulting a dermatologist. On a practical level, I cannot imagine scheduling appointments every four months and then paying hundreds of dollars each time just because my forehead reflects a lifetime of over-exaggerated facial expressions. On a philosophical level, I am staunchy Pro-Aging, I believe every year is a gift, and, as the saying goes, Erase Your Lines, Erase Your Life. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to have a frozen face that doesn’t move with me and my hands when I talk excitedly, I don’t want to have the same face at eighty that I do now, I hate that the patriarchal society we are living in wants to make older women invisible or, at the very least, does not value our beautiful faces in the same way that it does women half our age. Fuck all that, with age comes wisdom, wisdom is beauty, our gorgeous faces showcase our lives lived.

I do, however, want to look just a little bit less haggard.

People contain multitudes and I am no different. I also am well aware that nothing short of medical intervention is really going to change my appearance, and, deep down, I don’t want to. Unless I start filtering all my Instagram photos and conduct all social interactions from inside my own home, never leaving the house, the face I have now is what I am going to present to the world. Since that evening in June, I started been using a few products that, while not significantly changing anything, has at least slowed down my wrinkly trajectory. I feel not like a crumpled up paper bag; I feel like a once-crumpled up paper bag that has been smoothed over. The wrinkles are there and always will be, but they feel slightly blurred. Blurred lines! But not the weird kind. If you know, you know.

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Love The Skin You’re In Edition

Mirror Meditation

In the early 2000s, my mother-in-law gifted me a subscription to O Magazine, and I absolutely loved it. Remember magazine subscriptions? I was so happy to get something fun and shiny in the mail every month, and my favourite part of O – other than her Favourite Things, on which I have based this very series for the past decade plus – was the Ask Val column, with beauty editor Valerie Monroe. Imagine my excitement, then, when Monroe was the guest on not one but two of my regular podcasts. She is in her seventies now and is truly inspirational with respect to her attitude towards beauty and aging.

One thing discussed on both of these podcasts was the idea of Mirror Meditation: this is looking into your own eyes in the mirror, with love, as if you are looking deep into the eyes of someone you love. “As if” sounds a bit odd; of course you should love yourself in the same way you love others, but of course, we are our own worst critics. If you are a woman in this world, then you have most likely spent your life being socialized to be dissatisfied and unhappy with your face and body. Anyway, I have been doing this Mirror Meditation every day, looking at myself with soft eyes and a loving expression and I am here to tell you that it is really wonderful. Try it! Look at yourself without thinking oh, I should do something about those roots, yikes, what is with my eyebrows today, ugh, I look exhausted…just look at yourself and think I love you. Does it sound kind of weird and hokey? YES. Does it work? Also yes!

ROCing My World

Something I really appreciated about the Monroe interviews was her attitude towards beauty products; her thought is that if you like the way a product feels, and you can afford it then why not buy them, BUT there are very few products that do anything close to what they claim to do. In other words, clinically speaking, there are very few products that actually do help to smooth out or minimize wrinkling or other features of aging. One such product is a prescription retinoid or, for those of us unwilling or unable to obtain a prescription retinoid, its off-the-shelf cousin, retinol. I have been using retinol products for a long time now, and in June I added ROC Deep Wrinkle Night Cream to the list.

I thought of including a photo of a new tube, but I wanted to show you how long this small product lasts: I am nothing if not consistent in my skin care routine, using it every night on my forehead since mid-June, and I still have some product left. I think this is great value for the money and although it is not some kind of Botox-miracle-substitute, I do think it’s helped my Furrowed Forehead. In any case, my forehead has not gotten worse.

Face Facts

My whole life, I have had fairly oily skin, but perimenopause has really changed that, at least in the winter months. I have started using Ilia Super Serum Skin Tint and I love it.

It’s very moisturizing, with a dewy, natural coverage, and it has SPF 40, which is important even in the winter months. I spend at least ninety minutes outside a day, and that adds up, sun exposure-wise. The only thing I don’t like about it is that it has a strange, medicinal kind of smell, which I attribute to the sunscreen. It’s almost like old-school zinc, in scent, but it’s a price I am willing to pay for soft, even skin.

Pack Your (Undereye) Bags

I have never been a person to wear undereye concealer; I have always found that it creased or became greasy-feeling midday, causing my eye makeup to gravitate downwards, which wasn’t just pointless, it actually exacerbated the problem. Hello, Rocky Raccoon Eyes. I had heard good things about this Ilia Vitamin C Serum Concealer, so I thought what’s the worst that could happen?

Well, the first time I tried it, I thought yes, this is the worst that could happen. To paraphrase Bridget Jones, it was like I had smeared the entirety of the white cliffs of Dover under my eyes. The product was pretty pricey, though, so I didn’t want to give up just yet. I tried again, applying immediately after I had put on my Ordinary Caffeine Solution; it worked like a charm, blending nicely AND de-puffing my undereyes.

Here’s me at 4:15 in the morning, completely makeup-and-product-free:

And a few hours later, de-puffed and “brightened” under the eyes:

Who Cares About Eyebrows?

For those of you whose eyebrows lived through the late Nineties, and all the plucking that occurred, I see you. I feel you. I am you. I was born with super-thick Brooke Shields-like eyebrows, that due to my youthful obsession back then with being eyebrow-current, have been decimated. Some of you may recall when I was eyebrow-shamed on Instagram, but at any rate, my eyebrows are patchy at best, and also still like to suddenly sprout thick dark hairs just above my eyelid or below my hairline, randomly, without any thought to where eyebrows actually are. To top it off, I have some individual eyebrow hairs that are going white, and if you think I am going to pluck those white hairs and add to the general patchy mayhem that is my eyebrow area, you have another think coming.

The white eyebrow hairs are what caused me to look beyond my little beloved brow pencil, and into Cover Girl Easy Breezy Brow. It’s easy! It’s breezy! It works like a little mascara, but for your eyebrows!

A word of warning if you buy this: scrape the brush off really well before use, and use a VERY light touch for a natural look. The first time I tried it, it came out a little globby and when I tried to fix it, I ended up making it much, much worse. I do not understand the mechanics here. When I wash my face at night, the product disappears, but if I try to wipe it off either with a soap-and-water-moistened tissue or an actual cleansing wipe, it makes my eyebrows look like they belong to Uncle Leo. How or why I cannot say, but I have learned my lesson.

All I Need Is A Miracle

I think this is an Aging Thing, but it is also a Winter In Calgary thing: my nails are a crumbling mess. This doesn’t happen in the summer and didn’t happen in my youth, but this is what my nails look like without any polish:

Yikes. I have been adding Sally Hansen Miracle Cure as a base coat, before polish and top coat, and it has REALLY helped. I think that nothing can really combat Calgary’s frigid desert air, but it tries.

Outfit of the Month

Other than the last couple of days, when we got a pile of snow and it’s been in the minus 20s, it has been a pretty mild February. I have only been wearing my really heavy sweaters this week; the rest of the month have been Light Sweater Days. Light sweaters, layered onto long-sleeve tees and, on teaching days like this one, yoga tanks. So, a light sweater with two other layers, that sounds like a Mild Calgary Winter!

This long tunic sweater dates from 2014 or 2015; it is from long-defunct-but-much-missed Jacob. The boots are my “light” boots, and the legwarmers are my “light” legwarmers. Those yoga pants are BRAND NEW (brand new being relative, I think I bought them in 2019, but they FEEL new).

A very, very common aspect of perimenopause, and one which I am experiencing, is a softer, rounder tummy. There are a plethora of articles about the dangers of what I am going to call A Little Around The Middle, and even more articles about ways to eliminate it, but you know what? I am not worried. I am not going to eat less than I do currently, or change my way of eating, and I am not going to exercise any more than I already do. I am strong, I am in the best cardiovascular shape of my life, and I also like my weekly dessert and red wine. If my tummy is a little softer and rounder than it used to be, well, so be it. I am going to OWN it. LOVE THE SKIN YOU’RE IN! And also, I am going to enjoy my long, loose sweaters and my elastic-waisted yoga pants. Therefore, this is my outfit of the month, and I love it. I feel great in it, I can remove the sweater and boots to teach in it, I can curl up on the couch and read in it. What more could I ask for?

Those are my Favourite Things this month – whew, there were a lot of them! But I’m celebrating me and what I look like right now. We have all been told our whole lives that we are not enough, we don’t look good enough, there is something wrong with our bodies or our faces, and I am here to tell you that is complete bullshit. You are beautiful, I am beautiful, changing bodies and faces are beautiful, soft tummies are beautiful. Let’s love the skin we are in. If you have any favourites this month, why don’t you share them with me? I’d love to hear all about them. xo