Category Archives: Pro-Aging

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Love The Skin You’re In Edition

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Last June, I attended the social part of a conference my husband’s company was hosting at the Banff Springs; it was my first Major Social Event since before the pandemic, and I was so excited to go, dress up, and talk to as many people as possible. It was so much fun, and Nicole The Hug Monster was unleashed, which was a little bit unnerving after the fact as my husband received notification that one of the conference attendees was Confirmed Covid post-conference, but I didn’t get sick and neither did anyone else on my husband’s team, including him.

My favourite part about events like this is the social aspect, but also, I love to get all dressed up. Quite frankly, I felt really beautiful in my nice dress and my dark lipstick and my heels, but as I chatted with the other women there – all of whom were around my age or a few years older – I couldn’t help but notice something: they all had really, really gorgeous skin. Dewy, glowing, and smooth, their faces were lacking in wrinkles, particularly, and crucially for me and comparisons with my own face, on their foreheads. Normally I try to refrain from commenting on other people’s appearances, but we were all several glasses of wine in by this time, and I plaintively said they were all gorgeous, their skin was gorgeous, and what was their secret?

At this point they all glanced at each other and started laughing. “Oh honey,” one of them said to me, “It’s Botox!” Another woman said, “Honestly, the doctor’s office is the only way to go.”

Ah! I see.

I am not a woman with low self-esteem in any department, and I am satisfied with and confident in my physical appearance, but I will tell you this: at that moment, I felt somewhat akin to the Crypt Keeper. I did not feel great about my Forever Furrowed Brow and Eternal Eye Bags. I have, at times, briefly considered consulting with a dermatologist, but have always opted for not consulting a dermatologist. On a practical level, I cannot imagine scheduling appointments every four months and then paying hundreds of dollars each time just because my forehead reflects a lifetime of over-exaggerated facial expressions. On a philosophical level, I am staunchy Pro-Aging, I believe every year is a gift, and, as the saying goes, Erase Your Lines, Erase Your Life. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to have a frozen face that doesn’t move with me and my hands when I talk excitedly, I don’t want to have the same face at eighty that I do now, I hate that the patriarchal society we are living in wants to make older women invisible or, at the very least, does not value our beautiful faces in the same way that it does women half our age. Fuck all that, with age comes wisdom, wisdom is beauty, our gorgeous faces showcase our lives lived.

I do, however, want to look just a little bit less haggard.

People contain multitudes and I am no different. I also am well aware that nothing short of medical intervention is really going to change my appearance, and, deep down, I don’t want to. Unless I start filtering all my Instagram photos and conduct all social interactions from inside my own home, never leaving the house, the face I have now is what I am going to present to the world. Since that evening in June, I started been using a few products that, while not significantly changing anything, has at least slowed down my wrinkly trajectory. I feel not like a crumpled up paper bag; I feel like a once-crumpled up paper bag that has been smoothed over. The wrinkles are there and always will be, but they feel slightly blurred. Blurred lines! But not the weird kind. If you know, you know.

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Love The Skin You’re In Edition

Mirror Meditation

In the early 2000s, my mother-in-law gifted me a subscription to O Magazine, and I absolutely loved it. Remember magazine subscriptions? I was so happy to get something fun and shiny in the mail every month, and my favourite part of O – other than her Favourite Things, on which I have based this very series for the past decade plus – was the Ask Val column, with beauty editor Valerie Monroe. Imagine my excitement, then, when Monroe was the guest on not one but two of my regular podcasts. She is in her seventies now and is truly inspirational with respect to her attitude towards beauty and aging.

One thing discussed on both of these podcasts was the idea of Mirror Meditation: this is looking into your own eyes in the mirror, with love, as if you are looking deep into the eyes of someone you love. “As if” sounds a bit odd; of course you should love yourself in the same way you love others, but of course, we are our own worst critics. If you are a woman in this world, then you have most likely spent your life being socialized to be dissatisfied and unhappy with your face and body. Anyway, I have been doing this Mirror Meditation every day, looking at myself with soft eyes and a loving expression and I am here to tell you that it is really wonderful. Try it! Look at yourself without thinking oh, I should do something about those roots, yikes, what is with my eyebrows today, ugh, I look exhausted…just look at yourself and think I love you. Does it sound kind of weird and hokey? YES. Does it work? Also yes!

ROCing My World

Something I really appreciated about the Monroe interviews was her attitude towards beauty products; her thought is that if you like the way a product feels, and you can afford it then why not buy them, BUT there are very few products that do anything close to what they claim to do. In other words, clinically speaking, there are very few products that actually do help to smooth out or minimize wrinkling or other features of aging. One such product is a prescription retinoid or, for those of us unwilling or unable to obtain a prescription retinoid, its off-the-shelf cousin, retinol. I have been using retinol products for a long time now, and in June I added ROC Deep Wrinkle Night Cream to the list.

I thought of including a photo of a new tube, but I wanted to show you how long this small product lasts: I am nothing if not consistent in my skin care routine, using it every night on my forehead since mid-June, and I still have some product left. I think this is great value for the money and although it is not some kind of Botox-miracle-substitute, I do think it’s helped my Furrowed Forehead. In any case, my forehead has not gotten worse.

Face Facts

My whole life, I have had fairly oily skin, but perimenopause has really changed that, at least in the winter months. I have started using Ilia Super Serum Skin Tint and I love it.

It’s very moisturizing, with a dewy, natural coverage, and it has SPF 40, which is important even in the winter months. I spend at least ninety minutes outside a day, and that adds up, sun exposure-wise. The only thing I don’t like about it is that it has a strange, medicinal kind of smell, which I attribute to the sunscreen. It’s almost like old-school zinc, in scent, but it’s a price I am willing to pay for soft, even skin.

Pack Your (Undereye) Bags

I have never been a person to wear undereye concealer; I have always found that it creased or became greasy-feeling midday, causing my eye makeup to gravitate downwards, which wasn’t just pointless, it actually exacerbated the problem. Hello, Rocky Raccoon Eyes. I had heard good things about this Ilia Vitamin C Serum Concealer, so I thought what’s the worst that could happen?

Well, the first time I tried it, I thought yes, this is the worst that could happen. To paraphrase Bridget Jones, it was like I had smeared the entirety of the white cliffs of Dover under my eyes. The product was pretty pricey, though, so I didn’t want to give up just yet. I tried again, applying immediately after I had put on my Ordinary Caffeine Solution; it worked like a charm, blending nicely AND de-puffing my undereyes.

Here’s me at 4:15 in the morning, completely makeup-and-product-free:

And a few hours later, de-puffed and “brightened” under the eyes:

Who Cares About Eyebrows?

For those of you whose eyebrows lived through the late Nineties, and all the plucking that occurred, I see you. I feel you. I am you. I was born with super-thick Brooke Shields-like eyebrows, that due to my youthful obsession back then with being eyebrow-current, have been decimated. Some of you may recall when I was eyebrow-shamed on Instagram, but at any rate, my eyebrows are patchy at best, and also still like to suddenly sprout thick dark hairs just above my eyelid or below my hairline, randomly, without any thought to where eyebrows actually are. To top it off, I have some individual eyebrow hairs that are going white, and if you think I am going to pluck those white hairs and add to the general patchy mayhem that is my eyebrow area, you have another think coming.

The white eyebrow hairs are what caused me to look beyond my little beloved brow pencil, and into Cover Girl Easy Breezy Brow. It’s easy! It’s breezy! It works like a little mascara, but for your eyebrows!

A word of warning if you buy this: scrape the brush off really well before use, and use a VERY light touch for a natural look. The first time I tried it, it came out a little globby and when I tried to fix it, I ended up making it much, much worse. I do not understand the mechanics here. When I wash my face at night, the product disappears, but if I try to wipe it off either with a soap-and-water-moistened tissue or an actual cleansing wipe, it makes my eyebrows look like they belong to Uncle Leo. How or why I cannot say, but I have learned my lesson.

All I Need Is A Miracle

I think this is an Aging Thing, but it is also a Winter In Calgary thing: my nails are a crumbling mess. This doesn’t happen in the summer and didn’t happen in my youth, but this is what my nails look like without any polish:

Yikes. I have been adding Sally Hansen Miracle Cure as a base coat, before polish and top coat, and it has REALLY helped. I think that nothing can really combat Calgary’s frigid desert air, but it tries.

Outfit of the Month

Other than the last couple of days, when we got a pile of snow and it’s been in the minus 20s, it has been a pretty mild February. I have only been wearing my really heavy sweaters this week; the rest of the month have been Light Sweater Days. Light sweaters, layered onto long-sleeve tees and, on teaching days like this one, yoga tanks. So, a light sweater with two other layers, that sounds like a Mild Calgary Winter!

This long tunic sweater dates from 2014 or 2015; it is from long-defunct-but-much-missed Jacob. The boots are my “light” boots, and the legwarmers are my “light” legwarmers. Those yoga pants are BRAND NEW (brand new being relative, I think I bought them in 2019, but they FEEL new).

A very, very common aspect of perimenopause, and one which I am experiencing, is a softer, rounder tummy. There are a plethora of articles about the dangers of what I am going to call A Little Around The Middle, and even more articles about ways to eliminate it, but you know what? I am not worried. I am not going to eat less than I do currently, or change my way of eating, and I am not going to exercise any more than I already do. I am strong, I am in the best cardiovascular shape of my life, and I also like my weekly dessert and red wine. If my tummy is a little softer and rounder than it used to be, well, so be it. I am going to OWN it. LOVE THE SKIN YOU’RE IN! And also, I am going to enjoy my long, loose sweaters and my elastic-waisted yoga pants. Therefore, this is my outfit of the month, and I love it. I feel great in it, I can remove the sweater and boots to teach in it, I can curl up on the couch and read in it. What more could I ask for?

Those are my Favourite Things this month – whew, there were a lot of them! But I’m celebrating me and what I look like right now. We have all been told our whole lives that we are not enough, we don’t look good enough, there is something wrong with our bodies or our faces, and I am here to tell you that is complete bullshit. You are beautiful, I am beautiful, changing bodies and faces are beautiful, soft tummies are beautiful. Let’s love the skin we are in. If you have any favourites this month, why don’t you share them with me? I’d love to hear all about them. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Winter Pleasures Edition

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We have had the most beautiful January: temperatures have mostly hovered around freezing, plus or minus five degrees, we have had barely any new snow or any wind, and most days have seen sunshine and blue skies. On the non-sunny days, we have had some hoar frost, which is just gorgeous.

There is a polar vortex coming in on the weekend, but hey. Winter is winter, and a mild January is a beautiful thing.

In my Ask Me Anything, Kari (HI KARI) had asked What is your favourite thing to do in the winter? When I received that question, it was December, and it was minus 30, and my immediate thought was Go on a tropical vacation. I mean. That is true, it is something I like to do, but a) I haven’t done that since 2019, so does it really count, and b) a tropical vacation, while wonderful, is one to two weeks maximum out of a minimum six months of winter.

But what DO I like to do in the winter? There are lots of things that I like to do, every day, but they mostly are not winter-specific. I used to love cross-country skiing, but haven’t for over nineteen years, so that’s probably not a valid answer. I really should unearth my skis and relearn about waxing, perhaps I should have made a resolution about it.

To answer the question at hand, I thought I would talk about three things that I like doing in the winter, although two of them are things I do year-round: walking, playing piano, and puzzling.

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Winter Pleasures Edition

Walking Accoutrements

Some of you may remember the massive shift in attitude I had a couple of years ago, with regards to winter. I decided I wouldn’t waste any time loathing the long, cold winters. What good does that do? I embraced the season, I embraced my Norwegian heritage, and I adopted the concept of Friluftsliv. There is no bad weather, only bad clothes. I get out to walk every single day; pre-pandemic, it was just a short, slow, 2 kilometre Barkley Walk, but during the pandemic I added in a much-longer Me Walk. Now, of course, it’s a Rex Walk.

We have had Rex for three and a half months now, and in that time he and I have gotten into a very good walking rhythm. He’s really good on leash now, but he does occasionally pull (SQUIRREL). Our January filled with mild sunny days and cold nights means that we are in a melt/ freeze cycle, and the sidewalks are quite treacherous. This is especially treacherous for my personal well-being since I am attached to a giant dog via a waist leash, and if he sees a squirrel while we are on an icy sidewalk, it can be very hard to keep upright.

To combat this, I bought something called Ice Trax in a two-pack at Costco, and they are life-changing. They fit over the soles of my winter boots, and are little tiny spikes that act as crampons on the slippery sidewalks. I thought they would be difficult to take on and off, but they could not be easier. I haven’t broken a nail yet, which was my main concern.

This is the time to shout-out my coat. I have had that winter coat since my oldest was in kindergarten, in the winter of 2009. Hands down it was the best money I have ever spent on an article of clothing. I have a number of winter coats for different temperatures and with different levels of stylishness, but this is my go-to walking coat. In other words, it is not at all stylish, but sometimes, practicality must take precedence. I wear it all the time when it is below freezing, and, depending on what I wear it with, it’s perfect for temperatures ranging from minus 1 to minus 30. It is HUGELY puffy, it probably needs its own postal code, but it is such a great coat. I bought it from Mountain Equipment Co-Op; I have no idea if they even make anything like this anymore, but fourteen years on, it is a workhorse. The pockets are huge and fit my keys, dog treats, and extra gloves.

Speaking of layers, I have not had to wear my snow pants at all this month, but when going out I do always have on long socks or legwarmers over my yoga pants, and a bum warmer. There is a wonderful local woman who repurposes old sweaters into the cutest little bum warmers, and sometimes she has enough material to make matching mittens. I have three sets, plus a little pair of legwarmers made from sleeves.

It’s all about the layers!

Piano Accoutrement

I play piano year-round, but I find I play for longer stretches in the winter. I recently bought “100 Of The Most Beautiful Piano Solos Ever” which is a very long but apt name for a songbook. I have no issue with the content, but I do have a problem: the book itself is very cumbersome to use. I have encountered this problem my entire life; a thick songbook will NOT stay open at the page you want it to, unless you completely break the binding at the place you want it to stay open, which then means it will not stay open at any other song. This would all be resolved if book-makers used a spiral binding, but alas. They do not.

I figured that I could not be alone in this frustration, so on an internet search I went. I found, and purchased, this little thing:

WHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE. It holds the pages open to where I need it, if a song is longer than two pages, I secure it to where the song ends, and it’s easy to turn the page while playing. I admit that at first I was using it incorrectly, as pages flitted wildly while I attempted a multi-page song. This led me to despair that nothing in this world is as it seems, but then I actually read the instructions. When in doubt, read the instructions.

After a couple of months of practice, I have FINALLY mastered the key changes!

Puzzling Accoutrement

It’s Puzzle Season in the Boyhouse! I love jigsaw puzzles but winter is the only time I like to do them. When Rex came into our lives, I wondered if we would ever do a puzzle again, what with his fluffy wagging tail. Then I discovered PUZZLE BOARDS.

I bought this for my husband for Christmas, and it was such a great purchase. It has drawers to organize all the pieces, and, best of all, it has a ledge on it that is completely Rex-proof! He hasn’t knocked off one puzzle piece. My husband loves puzzles even more than I do, and this Northern Lights puzzle is the fourth one this season.

Julie and Nicole, the Cake Adventure

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, my lovely friend Julie van Rosendaal (HI JULIE) recently published a book entitled You Are Human And You Need Cake, and I thought I would try my hand at most, if not all, the recipes. The first one was a Peanut Butter Cup Cake, which I made for dinner guests who are peanut-butter-chocolate lovers.

Because I can never follow a recipe, I swapped the cream cheese in the filling for coconut cream – to do this, put a couple of cans of full-fat coconut milk in the fridge, then separate the cream from the liquid – and I used Silk Coconut Whipping Cream, which I have never bought before in my life, but I will absolutely buy again because it was delicious.

Doesn’t the cake look fantastic? Well, I had taken the springform pan off BEFORE adding the ganache on top, which was a grave mistake.

Things slid a little in the fridge, but you know what, the person who got those pieces got extra ganache, so we can hashtag that as winning. Lesson learned: keep the springform on until EVERYTHING is set, not just the cream filling.

The second cake I made was a cinnamon streusel coffee cake, which was like a cinnamon bun in cake form. It was super easy to make and I added a glaze-like frosting because what is cake without frosting?

It’s not like I think of cake as a vehicle for frosting, but I don’t NOT think that, either. I mean, I love cake itself but a frosting-less cake feels a bit sad to me. That said, the layers of cinnamon streusel in this cake were absolutely divine, so I could have probably omitted it without too much sadness, but why not add a little joy to our lives via frosting?

Favourite Outfit of the Month

As you know, if you’ve read this blog for any length of time, I love talking about clothes. In the past I’ve posted Outfits of the Week (way too frequent) and A Week Of (Seasonal) Outfits (way too much work in a less-frequent way), and so this year I’m going to post my Favourite Outfit of the Month.

I have a tendency to hang onto my clothes until they literally fall apart. Part of Curating Your Closet is keeping only clothes that are really loved, and that make the wearer feel good about themselves. This is an outfit that I love, and parts of it are really, really old.

The jeans are the newer part of the outfit; I bought them in the fall of 2021 when I ditched all my old ill-fitting jeans and bought three pairs of new ones. Life is too short for uncomfortable jeans; bodies change as we age and so should our jeans. These are Silver brand, from Bootlegger, in the “Suki Skinny” style and if you are tempted to buy some, be warned: Silver jeans tend to stretch so if you like them, buy them a size down. I find that for the first half-hour of wearing they feel pretty tight, going directly against my “life is too short” mantra above, but then they feel and look perfect.

As it hasn’t been that cold, I haven’t been wearing my really thick, wintry sweaters; instead, I’ve been gravitating towards the lightweight ones. The black long-sleeved tee I know for a fact I bought in 2010, for a trip with my husband to Tofino. The grey sweater was purchased not long after; both are from long-defunct Jacob. I love a long sweater with skinny jeans; the look perfectly lends itself to tall boots, which are, of course, my go-to footwear from October through April, minimum.

I can hardly believe that January is almost over! My older son had some VERY good news this week, so I shall be in a celebratory mood this weekend! Perhaps I’ll grab my Favourite Cab Franc and Favourite Boom Chicka Pop (IT’S BACK, BABY!) and enjoy this last weekend of January! What have you been loving this month? Tell me everything. xo

Dreams Can Come True, Look At Me, Babe/ Kalette, I’m With You

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I have been doing a massive house decluttering and purge, using a technique I learned from Apartment Therapy: choosing one small area and setting a timer for 15 minutes. It is extremely effective; I find that the less time I have to wonder do we need this item, the more efficient I am at letting go. Granted, I found three full drawers of user manuals for appliances that we no longer own, so letting go is not really so difficult.

Other than the defunct user manuals, there are many items that I feel could be of some use to someone else, and so I have been sorting things into various donation piles. The Kidney Foundation had, most fortuitously, called to see if I had any donations of clothing or household items, and I accepted their offer with more enthusiasm than I think the telephone caller had anticipated. I do think they are a worthy cause, but I think that the best way to donate items, both from an environmental and a community-minded standpoint, is through our neighbourhood Buy Nothing page. I envisioned giving as much as I could away to the community, and then bagging up the rest for the Kidney Foundation pickup.

At this point, I am ready to just set fire to everything.

Donating things through Buy Nothing, while very worthy, is just so much work. I have noticed that, while there are great people who are excited to take my old books and DVDs, and who schedule a time to pick up and actually pick up at that time, there are also those who make me wonder what I’m doing with my one wild and precious life. Almost always there will be someone who gives an enormous window for pickup – I’ll be there between noon and 9 pm on Wednesday – and then doesn’t pick it up for days, leaving me to wonder if I should ask if someone else wants it, or should I leave it on the step, and is it okay for things to sit out in below-freezing temperatures for days at a time? About a eighteen months ago I had gifted a number of cleaning products to a woman in the group who then didn’t pick them up for two weeks; I had messaged her a number of times, only to get the answer that she’d “be there tomorrow.” At the end of two weeks, my sister-in-law had stopped by to drop off Girl Guide cookies – I have to support my nieces! A case of cookies is not too much! – and I ended up giving her the bag of Lysol wipes and such. Two days after that the original woman messaged me to ask if she could come and get them that evening, and I was so irritated I ghosted her. That was probably rude on my part, but what can I say, it was in the thick of the pandemic, and my patience for such things was wearing thin.

In any case, things are slowly making their way out of my house, with the exception of some of my old textbooks, which according to the city’s website are only fit for the recycle bin. No one wants outdated textbooks for any reason, in any capacity, so there go my myriad economics and finance textbooks from the nineties. But why? Surely someone out there is looking for Varian’s Microeconomic Analysis, Third Edition, 1992. Or a twenty-five-year-old copy of Adjusting To Volatile Energy Prices. I am having a small crisis about the environmental impact of a small amount of broken toys that are heading for the landfill, but let’s move on.

As I clear out old detritus, this week I brought in many new items, in the manner of food. I am constantly amazed at the amount of groceries a mere four people go through in one week. A few weeks ago I was lamenting the apparent end of kalette season, but, thrillingly, it was NOT the end. It was a mere blip. Two girlfriends (HI JANET HI TRACY) had texted me to say that they had seen kalettes in the wild/ Costco’s refrigerated produce section, and so off to Costco I went. Dreams can come true!

When I saw the display I immediately got the song Dreams stuck in my head, and it stayed there for days. The problem with this song is that I really only know the chorus, along with the words I know what I want, and baby, it’s you, and so that was going through my head, over and over, on a loop. On my way home, I heard Anne Murray’s Snowbird on 70s on 7, and it reminded me of the show Sensitive Skin. Did you ever watch it? In the premiere, the husband was writing a piece on the cultural impact of Snowbird and for research purposes, listened to it on repeat for days on end, as he began to lose his mind. I could really see this happening to me, but with Dreams. Not that I’m listening to it on repeat, but my brain thinks I am.

I remember Sensitive Skin as being a really good show, but when I watched it I was 39, and my kids were 9 and 10. I think seeing it now, it would hit very differently: a middle-aged woman, empty nest, moving from her home in the suburbs to a downtown condo, aging mother, midlife crisis. At 39, I probably thought “Interesting!” and then moved on with my life. Or, “I like what she did with her hair.” These days, I would be more likely to dissolve in a puddle of mascara and tears and hot flashes.

Speaking of landsliding, my son finished his last exam on Friday, and so has this entire week off before starting his last semester of high school! In mere months, we will be out of the public school system! Just to add to the wow, time, feeling that I have, my thirty year high school reunion is coming up in June. I mentioned it to my dinner guests last weekend, who then asked if I was going to go it, and it turns out that I am actually kind of organizing it? I am not exactly sure how this happened, and I didn’t really need an extra project, but here we are.

Look at that sweet young thing! She had no idea that thirty years on, she would be wondering about reunion locations.

Weekly Reading

After last week’s fairly heavy and dark reads, this week was Very Mysterious.

The Accomplice. This book was mentioned by three friends – Suzanne, Engie, and Allison (HI SUZANNE HI ENGIE HI ALLISON) – and their synopses made me think it looked interesting. It was very fun to read! I so rarely pick up mysteries, but when I do, I enjoy them. This book had everything: ride-or-die friendship, murder, extramarital affairs, romance, greedy stepfathers, and hilariously nosy neighbours! A fun read that kept me up past my bedtime (by ten minutes but STILL).

Death on the Nile. Would you believe I had never read an Agatha Christie in my life? It’s true! I saw this at the library and thought, maybe I should get on that train. After all, Agatha Christie is kind of a big deal. I have a very soft spot for Egypt, having travelled there twenty-three years ago, AND I cruised down the Nile, albeit in a less-fancy way than the characters in this book.

No one got murdered on that cruise, that I know of.

At some point in my life I realized that I no longer associated myself with the beautiful young protagonist, and instead, found myself in sympathy with the motherly characters. See also: no longer a Handmaid, more like a Wife. Or Martha. Anyway, in this book there is one character who is described as an older, grey-haired woman. She’s 50. I mean, in the absence of hair colour that character is the closest to me, but it cracks me up that what we see as middle-aged was seen as quite advanced, back in the 1930s. Speaking of 1930s, there is some objectional language describing the Egyptian people, which is not unusual for a book from a British author in 1937, but should be noted. All in all, I really enjoyed this book – it was very entertaining.

The Lifeguards. This was a decent thriller/ mystery about three friends that have three sons who are also friends, and who come across a dead body. There are secrets, and a twist I did not at all see coming, but the ending was not very satisfying to me. Questions, I have them! But I did like it – not love it – it was just fine! Three mysteries in one week, who am I?

So it’s been a mystery-filled, decluttering-filled, kalette-filled week in the Boyhouse. What will this week bring? I hope it brings you lots of happiness. xo

Boyhouse Year In Review 2022

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Happy Almost New Year! I hope you have all been having a restful and restorative week! I have been enjoying myself immensely; lots of sleep, puzzles, books, food, and wine. We spent a few days at my parents, which is always fun, and involves games and food and more wine.

As is usual at this time of year, I’ve been reflecting a lot on the year that’s passed and the year that is to come. One of the biggest benefits to having a blog is the ability to look back, and wow, have we come a long way since this time last year. Late December/ early January were an absolute low point; things were dismal. Happily, on our Roller Coaster of Life, things have been more up than down; so let’s take a look at what happened in the Boyhouse in 2022.

January

The New Year started off pretty bleak and grim, with winter break extended and all diploma exams cancelled, and to distract myself from complete despair I talked about my concepts and mantras I try to live by every day, the kids did go back to school and I decided to stop reading the news, I talked about actual quantifiable goals that I work towards every day, I talked about how much I hate filtered photos, how I actually thought about Botox, and how I was unfriended by a high school acquaintance not once but twice, and I had a roller-coaster of a week that included new neighbours, a cancelled trip, a mouse in the house, and a possible hoarding issue with macadamia nut milk. This month’s Favourite Things were of the Hygge variety, appropriately enough.

February

I talked about all the fun physical changes that come in one’s forties, including but not limited to moustaches and chin hair, I had massive gratitude for all the Galentines in my life, I showed you a Week of Winter Outfits (spoiler: lots of sweaters and legwarmers), and I talked about automatic car starters and marital mismatches. I also told you all about the daily choices I make to show myself some love.

March

All Covid restrictions were dropped, and I went to Costco and lost my mind, it was exactly two years since the pandemic started, and we celebrated my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, two years and one week in, we got Covid, and we eventually recovered enough to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary with a Banff getaway, and my son turned 18. While we were isolated, I talked about the things that made my recovery happier.

April

I talked about the juxtaposition of my desire to wave at every neighbour and my reluctance to talk to them and hear insensitive comments about Barkley (god, that was hard for me to read), there were many signs of spring in my life, Salvadore came into my life and brought so much gnome-related happiness, we had a massive snowstorm and I scheduled appointments like a boss. It was my birthday and I talked about 47 things I love.

May

I was absolutely exhausted from the neighbour’s construction, our internet went out for seven hours and somehow we all survived, we had a lot of snow and I went to the garden centre, I shared my Week of Spring Outfits, and my son had his high school graduation ceremony, dance, and banquet, none of which I thought would happen, and I am eternally grateful. At that point I stopped my Weekly Covid Count. I also shared with you my makeup routine, and included my 4:00 am bare face.

June

I lived on the edge and planted my tomatoes slightly early while the construction guys listened to Dick in a Box, I had a weird medical mystery, my midlife crisis manifested in me giving Salvadore an actual bubble bath, and I confessed to having Low Level Shame about ghosting my long-time hair stylist. I also joined my husband in Banff for a Fancy Conference. Well, I was there for the Fancy part, he was there for the Conference part.

July

On June 30, we said goodbye to Barkley, and we were all brokenhearted. We started off the summer with some visiting relatives from California – including my teenage pen pal – and our usual trip to the lake for Canada Day, I found solace in hiking, my garden, and cooking, and I also snapped at door-to-door solicitors, I talked about Cart Karma, I started a Big Project and Curated my Closet, and in the face of a Calgary Heat Wave, I shared my Week of Summer Outfits. It was also the Ten Year Anniversary of Nicole’s Favourite Things!

August

We went on vacation, I read a lot, I vowed to have Just One Backup of everything in the house and kind of failed, I got all nostalgic, my husband and I went to Mexico where I spoke broken Spanish and sang karaoke, and I read a lot more. Notably and for the first time ever, I travelled with ONLY carryon, and I can never go back, proving that YOU SHOULD NEVER JUDGE.

September

Life has its ups and downs, and to that end there were mice in the house and the boys drank our expensive Patron mixed with Dr Pepper, on the same day I cleaned my kitchen with a toothbrush, the Queen died, my son turned 17 and when I went grocery shopping I realized I had some kind of Psychological Long Covid, and I thought about house staging and photo filtering, and showed photos of my unstaged, unfiltered home. My son went backcountry camping and to distract myself from thoughts of giardiasis I talked about a variety of Favourite September-Related Things.

October

My son did not get giardiasis, but we had a number of run-ins with local wildlife, one of my students introduced me to the concept that Gratitude Is The First Step To Joy, and I listed off some of the things I am grateful for, Rex came into our lives and has brought us so much happiness, I shared my Week of Fall Outfits, I talked about body changes and the concept of “flattering” when it comes to clothes, and I prepared for Halloween like a crazy person. I also celebrated all things fall-related!

November

I rapidly shifted into Winter and Tiny Secret Festive Season, we celebrated our one-month Rex-aversary, I finished my Christmas shopping, I joined all the cool kids in doing a Day in the Life post, I revealed my longtime desire to join a flash mob, and my son decided to join the throngs of men who observe Movember. I talked about Christmassy favourites and just regular favourites.

December

We all started Advent calendars, and mine was a puzzle one, I went to an actual holiday party with actual people and actual fancy clothes, I answered your questions about the holidays, I took the car in for servicing and it was a huge ordeal, I revealed my favourite childhood gifts, and I celebrated my girlfriends. On Festivus I talked about my favourite holiday things and also how I jerry-rigged the furnace.

It has been quite a year! 2023 will be a year of change for me; I’m not great with change, and I love my life as it is, but change is part of life, so here we go! Time to jump in. Happy New Year to all of you. Thanks for being here on this journey with me. xo

A Thursday In The Life Of Nicole

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I often think that I am a bit of a nosy, snoopy person, as I just love reading little tidbits from people’s lives. That’s what blogging and social media are, aren’t they, a fun peek into others’ lives? I love it all, from the minutia to the grand sweeping stories. Lately I have been seeing a lot of Day in the Life blogs, and I honestly cannot get enough of it.

My days are all different, but each day of the week is the same, if you know what I mean. Every Monday is the same shape, but different from Tuesday. I chose a Thursday to report on my moment-to-moment doings; this is a pretty typical Thursday in my world.

4:07 am GOOD MORNING WORLD! I get up, start the coffee maker, drink two big glasses of water, perform my Morning Ablutions, and get dressed in the workout wear I have set out the night before. The key to early morning exercise, for me, is to have my clothes laid out and ready to go. After that I literally chug down a huge cup of coffee while reading The Daily Stoic (I am not recommending this to you, but I started it and now I must finish) and a page from All Along You Were Blooming (I AM recommending this to you, it is beautiful and uplifting).

4:25 am YOGA! I start my yoga practice, while meditating on this morning’s readings, which were about accepting people the way they are and also not living in the past. Okay! Sounds good. My zen is only briefly interrupted by the thought that I should remember to take the butter out of the fridge for cookie dough, and also, when are those envelopes I ordered arriving? After savasana, I do take the butter out, drink two more glasses of water and head downstairs to the gym.

5:20 am PELOTON! Today, I choose a 70s pop ride with my favourite instructor, Leanne, and it was a perfect choice. I will be singing Burning Love and Mamma Mia for a while. I drink more water and pour myself another coffee.

5:55 am SHOWER! As the shower warms up, I take a moment to choose today’s scented lotion – Cashmere and Snowflakes – and set out all my serums, deodorant, and makeup. I shower, moisturize, put on my makeup, and briefly wonder what will happen when my eyebrows go completely white. Right now there are only a few strands here and there, and I am not willing to pluck them, as I don’t want to go bald above my eyes.

6:15 am HI EVERYBODY! My older son is awake and needs the bathroom to get ready for work, so I vacate and go downstairs to the computer. The computer fires up and I use the time to file my nails and sip my coffee. I open up my blog reader and there are 33 unread posts, hello NaBloPoMo! I read a couple, check notifications and comments, and finish my coffee. I let Rex out (HI REXIE, HIIIIII, WHO’S A GOOD BOY), give him some snuggles and feed him, and then pour another coffee.

6:45 am MORNING SCRAMBLE! My husband is up so the bedroom is accessible! I make the bed, get dressed, put my hair up and jewelry on. I make myself a smoothie AND pour more coffee – do I have a problem? No. I don’t think anyone in this house wants me to go light on the coffee, believe you me – and then wash up the blender and a couple of small things in the sink. I quickly clean the bathroom, do ten minutes of strength training (not going to “Get The Osteo” as the boys say), a DuoLingo lesson, and look over my class plan for the day. By this time my husband and son have left for work, my younger son is up – he has a spare first period on Thursdays – and I pack up my things for yoga class.

Layer one: my teaching outfit.

I had the door closed while I got dressed, and when I opened it…

Layer two: sweater and legwarmers for the wintry day, hair up, ready to teach.

No matter what I do, there is always an errant leaf of spinach.

8:30 am TEACHING TIME! I drive over to the community centre, set up my mat and music, chat with the ladies and start a 90 minute class with a hips and hammies focus. I find out that one of my students is in a choir and they are having a concert next week, which I hope to attend. Drink more water for my parched throat and head home.

11:00 am REX TIME! I get home to a very excited Rex – it’s like I am Odysseus returning home – and we go for a nice long walk.

12:25 pm LUNCH TIME! I’m starving! I make myself a chocolate banana protein shake and have the veggies left over from last night’s crudité platter – this is the only kind of leftover I can stand to eat, I have a real aversion to them. I blame this on Leftover Nights of my childhood. I read a little of my book and then clean up the kitchen for the second time today.

1:00 pm NICOLE THE ELF! I start a load of laundry and then write out some Christmas cards, wrap gifts and package up the parcel I have to mail out, and make gingerbread dough for the freezer, for later rolling and decorating. Getting the parcel packaged up is my least favourite Christmas job, so I’m happy to have it done. I contemplate baking muffins, but decide to wait until tomorrow to do that. I clean up the kitchen and wash dishes AGAIN. It’s the third time today, for those who are counting. Yes, I have and use a dishwasher, but not for the blender and big mixing bowls. I fold the laundry and feel extreme gratitude for podcasts for entertaining me throughout such domestic drudgery.

4:15 pm DOWNTIME! I have been playing Christmas music on the piano since November 12, and the Charlie Brown Christmas songbook is the perfect amount of challenging and fun, as it’s “swing” and I was classically trained, so a very different way of playing. I play a few songs and then read for a while. My older son gets home from work and the gym and we chat for a bit. He’s busy with university applications these days and it’s exciting and stressful.

5:30 pm COOKING, CHATTING, EATING, CLEANING! My younger son gets home from wrestling practice to tell me that he is going to participate in a study at the university about the effects of concussions on young athletes, and I go from zero to WHEN DID YOU GET A CONCUSSION. He gives me the Relax, Mom speech and says that he is going to be part of the control group, i.e., the non-concussion group. He tells me that he is getting fitted with a special mouthguard that will monitor his head speed and reactions, somehow, and that he needs to go to the Sports Med Centre next Friday. I write it down in my calendar, and we talk some more while I prepare dinner. By Thursday, I am tired, and so our dinners are very simple and generally consist of something like tacos or, like today, wraps. The guys get sauteed chicken in theirs, but mine is avocado. The guys set the table and feed Rex, we eat and talk, and then the boys help me clean up, but I would like it noted that I am now doing dishes for the fourth time today. This is average.

7:10 pm WIND DOWN TIME! At this point in the day, Hurricane Nicole has become Gentle Breeze Nicole. I’m tired. I put on my jammies and start my several-step skincare routine. I am Team Pro-Aging, but also, I’d like to try to look less haggard. I read my book for a while and talk to my husband. We realize that it was six years to the day that my father-in-law passed. Neither of us like to dwell on “death anniversaries,” so we don’t. I have a nice thought about him though, and then I get really, really tired. I go to bed around 8:25, which is early, but my bedtimes creep earlier and earlier throughout the week. I might stay up until 9 tomorrow!

I hope you enjoyed this peek into my week! I’ll be back to regular programming on Monday. Have a great weekend, be well. xo

A Week of Spring Outfits; 114 Weeks In

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The other morning after class I complimented one of my ladies on her cherry-red top. She always looks good in one of her several red, pink, and purple tops, but that morning she looked particularly glowing and lovely, and I told her so. She thanked me and then said, “Well, Nicole, you know, I’m a Spring.” I smiled at that, and she followed it up with her theory that even if you don’t get your Colours done officially, you can tell what season you are by what clothing you gravitate towards. Her theory said that we naturally choose the clothes and colours that suit us best, and you know, I think she’s right.

I know for myself, I gravitate towards what I recently heard referred to as the New York Rainbow – black, grey, and white – and simple cuts and lines. I read The Curated Closet this week, which is all about discovering and cultivating your personal style and esthetic, one that works with your lifestyle, without succumbing to trends that are unsuitable or fast fashion, so it’s fitting that this week’s post is all about clothing.

As a note, I recognize that fashion trends are not aimed at me or my demographic. I know! I know. The trendsetters are not putting together lookbooks with the 47-year-old Calgary woman in mind, but wow, this season’s fashion trends are not at all suited to me or the esthetic I aim for. Let’s just forget about the bright colours and patterns that I don’t feel comfortable in, let’s just forget about how SHORT all the tops are this season, which are not flattering for my perimenopausal figure, let’s just talk about about cut: everything is ruched and ruffled and the puffy sleeves are enough to satisfy Anne Shirley’s deepest desires. Everything is ruffled! Everything has ruching! Sleeves are all puffed and shoulders are expanded upon! Needless to say, this isn’t an esthetic that works for me, which, on the upside, means that it’s pretty easy to refrain from mindlessly shopping.

One of the topics in The Curated Closet is the Uniform; not an actual uniform, but the type of clothes a person wears daily. Do you have a Spring Uniform? My Spring Uniform is not too dissimilar from my Rest Of The Year Uniform, which is to say fitted pants – yoga leggings or skinny jeans – and longer, often flowing tops, with lots of layers. Layers are key when you live in a climate like Calgary’s – spring is incredibly and wildly volatile, and temperatures, precipitation, and wind speeds can and do change hourly. Also, we had windchills below zero this week with icy cold rain and, yes, snowflakes in the air, which, well, I’ll just be over in the corner crying softly, thinking about my garden.

My dad told me that he read that this spring is the coldest Western Canada has had in…I forget what he said, actually, but whatever it was I found it weirdly comforting. I had started to lose all perspective and just accept that we lived in a frozen hellscape where summer will never come, never. Ah! This isn’t normal! Sometimes it IS warm! It gave me a weird sense of hope.

Anyway, back to clothes. While I’d like to showcase seven days of light springwear, this is not my reality. Instead I give you seven days of clothes while dealing with crazy weather fluctuations! Please note that while two of the pants are new within the last year, most of these pieces are several years old, some more than a decade old. When I buy a piece, I want it to last a long time and I want it to incorporate into my wardrobe smoothly. Not to anthropomorphize my clothing or anything, but I want all my pieces to get along and play nicely together. I love getting dressed in the morning; putting together the Day’s Costume based on my activities and the weather is always fun for me. One of the reasons I love Marie Kondo is her Sparking Joy concept; my clothes spark joy and they all have a role to play in my life. Okay, maybe I anthropomorphize my clothing. But what of it? It’s not like I think they have a secret life and are enacting little dramas and romances when I go to bed at night. (But what if they do? That would be fun.)

One Week of Spring Outfits

Thursday

The week starts on a Thursday! Thursday is a teaching day, and this is a pretty typical teaching outfit for me: yoga tank and leggings with a tee. The fitted tank is essential, because tees tend to ride up during things like downward dog, and I prefer to keep my midriff covered at all times. It’s hard to tell from the photo but the tank is a black and charcoal camo print, and the tee matches the charcoal. It’s all about the little things.

This is a little thing but I left the house with just a sweater and scarf! No coat! No boots! No gloves! As mentioned above, with our weather this is NOTABLE. Most people associate scarves with fall, but I associate them with spring and jauntily strolling around with only a light sweater as protection against the elements.

Friday

This was hands-down my favourite outfit of the week. The jeans are new and a perfect fit, which is miraculous because I bought them online during Black Friday sales, which is risky! The risk paid off! Sweater, tank, and scarf are all many years old, and the shoes are the cutest and comfiest little Skechers. Well, not little. My feet are pretty big. But I’m wearing SHOES without SOCKS and not BOOTS. Spring!

Saturday

We have been trying to go bowling at our fitness club as a family as often as possible, and the last time we went, there was a young girl’s birthday party going on and it was glow-in-the-dark bowling with a dance competition on the big screen! So much fun. I have moves like Jagger, people. Anyway, these jeans were also part of my online Black Friday purchase, and this top, well, I love it. I bought it while shopping with my mom in her small town, probably seven years ago now. It doesn’t get much wear because it’s so lightweight, the weather has to be warm, but not too warm, to wear it.

Saucy bowling shoes courtesy of the club.

Sunday

Gardening day! It was warm enough to be in the garden, and so I was out there for a long time, edging and weeding and basically spinning around with happiness.

The jeans date from 2008 and have, clearly, worn right through the knees. The tee was a $5USD purchase from Maui in 2015 or 2016, and it always gives me happy tropical memories. Those shoes are my gardening shoes; they are Skechers with a flower motif.

Monday

Monday is a teaching day, so my uniform of tank, tee, and tights is the order of the day. This was the warmest day of the week, and so my tights are capri-length, and again, shoes with no socks!

Tuesday

Well, nothing can last forever, and this was the day the weather changed for the worse. No more shoes without socks, no leaving the house without a coat.

I have to tell you about this coat: I bought it when the boys were in preschool. PRESCHOOL! And this week my son graduates high school. I love it just as much as when I bought it; it’s a little “off-brand” for me colour-wise but I love it. It’s lined, it’s waterproof, it has a hood and is long enough to keep me warm on these chilly spring days.

Underneath: a sweater, but a light sweater, paired with a tank and the most comfortable pants you can imagine. These pants are from lululemon, and they are actual pants with a button and zipper, but they feel like yoga pants. It’s magic.

Did you know Sorel makes non-winter boots? They do! These are cute and comfortable AND water-proof, so good for snowy/ rainy spring days that are not below freezing. Did I just type that sentence? Yes, I did.

Wednesday

Wednesday is grocery day, and so I need something akin to workout wear. I mean, this was my haul from Superstore and Costco last Wednesday:

It took 52 minutes to put everything away. Forget carry-out service, I need a service to help me actually put the groceries away in my house.

Anyway, this Extreme Workout requires comfortable clothes that I can move around in, and that means yoga tank and pants, and this cute light sweater that cannot be worn without something underneath because it’s roomy and moves around a lot, if you know what I’m saying.

That’s it for the outfits, now for the books!

Pandemic Reading

These Precious Days. OH. I don’t think I can adequately express how much I loved this. I have read many essay collections and none have affected me like this. Everything resonated. Everything moved me. I feel a kinship and connection to the author that is incredibly strong. I loved every single word. I’m a fast reader but I slowed down because I didn’t want this to be over. It was such an incredible read for me and I cannot say enough about it.

The Curated Closet. As I mentioned above, this was a perfect book for my Week of Spring Outfits! This was so much fun to read! It’s all about discovering and establishing your own personal style and aesthetic, with helpful hints on how to shop mindfully, look for quality and fit, and detox your closet. Very fun and really well laid out and photographed. It has inspired me to go ahead with a Big Project that I have been turning around in my mind for the last few months.

Honor. I pride myself on being honest in my reviews, and this is painful for me to say. I have been looking forward to reading this for months; I was so excited when it came in at the library. I love this author and I was so interested in the very important story and theme. I want you to know that, to know just how much I hate to say what I’m going to say: I am disappointed. I found the characters to be one-dimensional and it was difficult to care about them, the dialogue is stilted, and the narration seemed contrived and heavy handed. It pains me to say it. Based on the author’s other works, I expected to be transported and amazed, but I wasn’t. It lacked the nuance and subtlety I love about her other books. It’s a decent book, it’s worth a read, but it’s not incredible or transformative and that is what I expected. It might be just me, and having high expectations, but this was a let down. 

I have a hugely busy and exciting week ahead, the sun is supposed to shine (mostly), and so I am feeling great and optimistic! I hope you have a wonderful spring-y week! xo

Maybe She’s Born With It, Maybe It’s Maybelline; 111 Weeks In

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Very frequently, of late, I have looked into the mirror and noticed what I thought was mascara smudged under my eyes. Each and every time, I try to remove the smudged mascara only to realize that it is not smudged mascara at all: it is just my skin, and that is how it looks now. Since this happens almost daily, you would think that I wouldn’t be surprised by this, but you would be wrong. I am surprised, every time.

My undereye circles are a bit more pronounced this week; I have been just a little short on sleep for several nights in a row. It turns out that those fifteen or twenty minutes each night start to add up, and I’ve been feeling just a little bit tired.

There was a parent meeting for my son’s club wrestling, and it was in person. I was so startled by this turn of events, I hardly knew what to do. I was waiting for information on a zoom link, and when the information came that the meeting would be in person, at the university, you would think that someone would have told me that I was slated to perform an interpretive dance in front of an audience of 1000. What do I do, where do I go, what do I wear, how is this going to work? It was fine, of course, although it has been over two years since I have been in a room with thirty other people. It has also been almost 25 years since I was at that part of the university, and it was very fun to walk by the fitness centre and the racquet centre, places I used to spend considerable amounts of time at, and that have – not surprisingly – changed a great deal.

There are lots of changes afoot. The people that bought the house next door, and are renovating it completely, are so nice and I am so looking forward to having them as my neighbours, not just because I think they will be a lovely addition to our neighbourhood, but also because that will mean that their renovations will be complete.

I see the gentleman a few times a week, on the occasions that I happen to be outside when he’s checking on the progress of the renovation. We always have a quick chat and he always says, in the most amiable way, “I hope the noise isn’t bothering you too much!” to which I respond, perkily, “No, no, it doesn’t bother me at all!” And that’s true! Mostly.

I am a person who can easily absorb loud noises and just go on with life; it’s almost like the sounds of hammering and beeping and what have you becomes white noise to me, with the exception of the afternoon that they jackhammered out the front steps and walkway. When that happened, my whole house shook intermittently for two hours, and my nerves, people. I kept repeating my favourite coping line, stolen from Allison (HI ALLISON) a decade ago: there will be a time after this. There will be a time after the jackhammering.

But mostly, it’s been just fine. I don’t have any babies or small children for whom the noise might disturb their sleep schedules, and the dog is almost completely deaf, so he is unbothered. The only problem came last weekend, when it appeared that the workers were on some kind of deadline, perhaps to coordinate trades for the week ahead. For five days straight they worked until 10pm.

For normal people, I am sure that wouldn’t be an issue, and if you were standing on the street, you probably wouldn’t have noticed, but the side of the house they were working on was the one nearest my bedroom, and 10pm is over an hour past my bedtime. I lay awake, hearing the hammering of…pipes? I don’t really know what they were doing. There will be a time after this. This is temporary. It took me a long while after they finished work to fall asleep, and I repeated my sleep mantra, which is My body is resting, even if I don’t sleep I am still resting my body. I generally find that soothing enough to fall asleep without becoming stressed out and anxious that I’m not sleeping enough.

The construction is temporary, the neighbours are not, right? I like all our neighbours; I cannot stress enough how important it is to me that the neighbours and I get along. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by a feud between neighbours; I will do anything to keep the peace, including never saying anything about workmen being noisy right up until the bylaw deadline. After all, over the past 22 years our neighbours have been wonderful, and that includes the times when we have had swarms of children in our yard, jumping on the trampoline and screaming, and also my son’s daily drum practice. I feel grateful to have had such fantastic people of all ages and personalities living nearby, and I just know our new neighbours are going to be lovely.

And the more work they do on the house, late in the day, the faster the renovation will be done. Right? Right. In any case, I got a little more sleep last night, downgrading my undereye circles from Raccoon to Lightly Smudged Mascara.

Pandemic Reading

The Ex-Boyfriend Yard Sale. When a broke actress finds herself in major credit card debt, she tries to think of ways to raise money: what if she sold the items given to her by ex-boyfriends? The idea of valuing such items turned into a one-woman stage show, and then, obviously, this book. She enlisted the help of mathematicians and economic theorists to create a formula for valuing gifts from exes, and the value the exes brought to her life. The economic theory and math was fun to read, and for me, it made this book a worthwhile read. However.

Listen, we have all had our share of bad relationships and made our share of bad decisions. What would it be to read a memoir in which no bad choices were made and everything was just fine. AND YET. I found myself constantly frustrated with and disappointed in the author. MAKE BETTER CHOICES, MY GOD. If a man has sex with you for three years, and yet refuses to be called your boyfriend, that is not just a red flag, it is an entire skyscraper ensconced in red velvet. If a man tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, don’t keep trying to be in a relationship. Even if he does “give you six orgasms” or an orgasm that “lasts three minutes” every time you have sex (which, what?). There is a part where she tells him everything she wants in their relationship, and people, this is THREE PAGES LONG and lists everything from “spending every holiday together, just the two of us” to “never letting our sexual desire fade” (understandable, given the six-orgasms-per-sexual-encounter), to “buying a sectional for snuggling.” After this three page monologue, the guy says that he doesn’t want any of those things, and he cannot give her any of those things, AND YET SHE PERSISTS IN TRYING TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. Girl, this is a booty call. He is not spousal material. The whole time I was reading this, I kept thinking, girl, no. Just no. Stop calling him. I don’t know, maybe I’m just getting too old to read these kinds of memoirs.

Whoa, that was a long review. I have feelings, I guess. Moving on.

The Story Hour. I enjoyed this book about the relationship between two women; one from India, the other her psychiatrist. Midway through I thought I knew where it was going, but it turns out I didn’t at all. I like that. The major theme was the mistakes that we make, how we atone for them, and can we forgive others’ mistakes as well as our own. Thrity Umrigar is a real talent; her ability to craft characters that are multi-dimensional is breathtaking. It also made me think about the judgements we make about people, and how there is always so much more to their stories than what we see.

It’s been a more social week than usual; lots of visits with friends, so I’m feeling happy coming into May. May! Already! Every month it feels shocking to change the calendar. Happy May to you, my friends. xo