A woman was stocking the organic bananas in Superstore, and so I waited patiently as she unloaded. She gestured to me to go ahead, choose your bananas and then looked a bit shocked as I piled thirty or so into my cart. “Do you run a group home or something?” she said, puzzled. “Is that why you have so many bananas?”
I’m not sure why her mind immediately went to “group home” but it was more interesting than the joke the cashier made about keeping my pet monkey happy. This was, coincidentally, the same cashier whose nonagenarian father was in the hospital, and so I asked about him. It was his appendix, apparently, not his gall bladder, which surprised me as I never think of the ninety-something set having appendix issues; neither did my cashier, who casually informed me that her appendix was removed without her consent, back when she had her hysterectomy thirty years ago.
Not everyone loves bananas or conversations about uterine health and questionable medical ethics with their grocery cashier, but I do.
There have been a number of blog posts lately in which the author discusses things that she wished she liked, but does not, (HI SUZANNE, HI ELISABETH, HI STEPHANY) and it occurred to me that nothing falls into that category for me. There are many things in the world I dislike, or don’t want, or outwardly loathe, but I don’t wish that to be different. I consider these things to be part of my The World Is A Tapestry mindset, and also, secretly, that life is a zero-sum game and if I loathe pie, for example, it frees up the worldwide supply of pie for others to enjoy.
Before I get too involved, let’s recall my number one pet peeve, which is right up there with not returning shopping carts: the stating of a negative subjective opinion as objective fact. In other words, the statement that something is bad when that is objectively untrue; rather, that something is disliked, or not wanted, or outwardly loathed by an individual person, and for the purposes of this discussion, that individual person is me. Just because bangs do not suit my face or hair type does not mean that they are bad; they may be unsuitable for me, but I have many friends for whom they not only work, they look fabulous. I’m looking at you, Allison (HI ALLISON).
Often I find myself interested in things that others have but that I do not want in my own life; I will never get a tattoo, for example, nor will I have a cat in my home. Many people find facials and massages to be indulgent and relaxing, but the mere thought of either of those things make me instantly tense and anxious. I have a strong aversion to onions and the thought of biting into a soft, cooked apple revolts me almost as much as the mere mention of celery. I dislike true crime books and podcasts, speculative and dystopian fiction, and if anyone so much as gives me one Thoreau quote, my blood pressure spikes. I have never seen a single episode of Star Trek, Cheers, or any daytime soap opera. I haven’t smoked pot or cigarettes for over thirty years and I have no interest in either thing, no matter how trendy marijuana products are now.
Speaking of trends, the word on the street is that skinny jeans are dead. Dead! No one is wearing them anymore, by which I mean the youth of the world. The trend right now is to wear enormous, wide-leg, baggy jeans with tiny crop tops and people, I have seen this trend before. I have worn this trend before. I was a young woman in the 90s and I spent a great deal of time in that decade wearing such jeans, with a wide belt on my teeny-tiny waist, paired with a very small crop top. I will tell you this right now: I am 5’7″, with fairly long legs, and at the time of which I am speaking, I had a cute little hourglass figure. Even so, I look back on those photos and a yeeeeee sound emits from my mouth. It did not look good. This is a trend I will never revisit, because it didn’t look good then and it sure as hell will not look good now, the least reason for which is that I do not feel that I am in a place in my life to wear a wide belt and a crop top.
But Nicole, you might be saying to yourself, there are other modern cuts of jeans that do not include the enormous legs. You might be referencing straight leg jeans, and let me tell you, I tried to hop on that bandwagon, and never has a pair of jeans made me feel so frumpy. I purchased not one but two different styles of straight legs, and the only way I can wear them without feeling like my own grandmother, if my own grandmother actually wore jeans, which she did NOT, is to cuff them up above the ankle and then pair them with ankle booties. I feel like I did in 1991, when I was wearing floral babydoll dresses with army boots while many of my peers embraced the grunge look with abandon. I am as likely to wear straight leg jeans uncuffed as I am to wear outsized plaid flannel shirts with corduroys, which is to say, not likely.
Here’s the thing about skinny jeans: I like the way I look in them. I like the way I feel in them. I recently spent a lot of money on Mott and Bow jeans, and they were worth every penny for their comfort and stretch without bagging.
Also, I love a tall boot and there is nothing so good on my body as a skinny jean with tall boots.
The only other jean type that I think suits my body type is a flare, but I really only think they look good with a nice stacked heel; I rarely wear heels anymore, and so I embrace the skinny jean. You might think I’m making too much of footwear, but we all know that footwear can make or break an outfit. Let’s just consider the powersuit of the 80s, paired with white running shoes for commuting. I rest my case.
I embrace the skinny jean, and here’s the thing about them being off-trend: I do not give a fuck. This is a supreme privilege of aging: I do not have to give any more fucks about any clothing trend. I am almost fifty and the amazing thing about being almost fifty is I could not care less about being on-trend. I can be out of style and no one cares, least of all me. I want to wear what I want to wear, and I don’t care if it makes me look dated or out of style. This obsession with keeping on trend with what young people are wearing seems to be a new idea. I do not think women of earlier generations thought that they should be wearing the same thing as their daughters, or granddaughters. Did my mother look at twenty-year-old me and think wow, I have to get a baby tee and wear it underneath a floral sundress? No! She did not! Our mothers were wearing their slacks and crisp blouses and blazers and they looked absolutely wonderful. I am thrilled to leave youthful fashion to the youth. I mean, am I going to look at my niece and think you know what would look great on me, ruffles and ruching a la granny chic. No! Because when you’re almost fifty, granny chic just makes you look like a granny, and honestly, I can wait a few years before I tackle that era.
Here’s the other thing about the idea that we should all throw out our skinny jeans and replace them with straight-or-wide-leg-or-whatever-is-on-point jeans: WHAT THE FUCK. With everything we know about fast fashion and the incredible landfill waste that is old clothing, why would anyone just toss out all their perfectly serviceable clothes just to get new ones? And of course I’m not talking about getting rid of clothes that no longer serve you because they are the wrong size or fit or, in my case, you have worn them for so many years that they are falling apart. You should always feel beautiful in your clothes. What I am talking about is this consumeristic view that just because something is not in vogue, we need to replace it.
And so I will step onto my denim-covered-soap box with a raised fist, saying WEAR WHATEVER JEANS YOU WANT. Or wear no jeans at all! Wear what makes you happy! As a middle aged woman I say fuck the trends, dress for yourself, live your clothing truth.
Weekly Reading
These Precious Days. This is a reread for me; when I first read it, I thought it was the best book of essays I had ever read. On the reread, it is STILL the best book of essays I have ever read! Every essay has a common thread, and that is that life is so precious. Friendship, marriage, family, and shopping are all written about, and I loved every single essay. I also found it fascinating when she wrote about her writing process. She writes each chapter until it’s perfect, then moves on to the next one. It sure works for her.
Prom Mom. Have you ever wondered what happens to people who achieve notoriety at a young age? Have you ever wondered about girls who don’t realize they are pregnant until they go into labour? Then this novel is for you! The year is 1997 and a 16 year old girl has a baby on prom night, alone in a bathroom. When she is discovered, passed out from blood loss, the baby is dead. (I have logistical questions about this, specifically regarding the cord cutting, but let’s just move along for the sake of the story). Her date never checked on her, in fact he kind of ditched her at prom. They reconnect 22 years later, and he is on top of the world: wealthy and successful, with a beautiful, wealthy and successful life. Lots of twists and drama in this book, and the latter part takes place in the pandemic (it was written in 2021, and wow, it shows). The pandemic part really encapsulates how we were all feeling at that time, thinking about vaccinations and how everything would be just fine once we all got them. Ha! Anyway, it’s an pretty twisted and fast-paced read.
Late Bloomers. This was a very heartwarming read, although I spent a large chunk of the book strongly disliking 3/4 of the main characters. I don’t think I ever totally warmed to two of them, but it was a very sweet book about a family in which the parents split up after 36 years of marriage. All of the family members have their own secrets that they are hiding; even picture perfect situations and people have their issues, often hidden. It is a nice quick read with some very funny parts.
*****
Circling back to jeans, those of you who have been with me a very long time, meaning over a decade, might remember my 2012 diatribe about skinny jeans and how reluctant I was to give up my low-rise, boot cuts. What can I say, once I was in, I was all in on the skinny jean. And perhaps in 2034 I will be railing against another style of pants which I will later adopt, perhaps some kind of slacks? Who can say what the future will bring, all I can say is that I have a fun and festive week ahead of me, and I hope you do too. xo
I know that for as long as I’ve been your bloggy friend you’ve been a fangirl for skinny jeans, but I never liked them. They hurt my knees, all that tightness around them made me uncomfortable. SO I’m thrilled to see some new looser styles on the fashion scene. Maybe not super wide bells dragging on the ground, but boyfriend cut and flares. Not that any of this will influence what you wear, just sharing a point of view. You look great in whatever you wear!
Ally, I’m so happy for you that there are so many non-skinny-jean styles for you now! I bet you look fabulous!
I love that Thoreau is in there with true crime, cooked apples, and celery. Walden cracked Noah up when he had to read it in high school because it is so over the top sanctimonious.
Tell Noah I’m with him completely. If I see a quote from Thoreau, I immediately think THAT FUCKING GUY. The Midnight Library was ruined for me because of all the Thoreau worship. THAT FUCKING GUY (I just thought of him again)
Wait- what are you doing with 30 bananas?
I’ve basically given up trying to look “fashionable” and I agree, one of the perks of getting older is you should wear whatever you want. Obviously 57-year-old women should not be wearing what their teenage daughters are- it is a strange trend if you think about it. Btw I’ve also heard that pretty much anything goes with jeans now- it’s impossible to be horribly out of style. Not that you care!
That Ann Patchett book sounds good- I’ll see if they have it at our library.
I hope your fun and festive week is VERY fun and festive!!!
Jenny, mostly the bananas are smoothies (I go through 14 bananas a week this way, and my son goes through 7, my husband around 5), and my husband likes them for a snack. If there are any left over at the end of the week I bake with them.
I was just wondering today how people would manage to tuck their flared jeans into tall boots… and now I know–they can’t!
I want to hear more about what’s going on with 30 bananas and note that we diverge on the celery, cooked apples, and pot. lol.
I bought the Late Bloomers on Kindle, it was just 1.99, and seemed to be about people from South India (like me). I wasn’t impressed with the little I’ve read, but I’m curious! Big A was talking about an older colleague who’s going through a divorce and said after 60 people should just stick it out. I disagreed vehemently–why live a possible 40 years with someone you don’t like?!?
Maya, 14 of those bananas are for my smoothies, around 7 of them are for my son’s, the rest are for my husband having smoothies and snacks, and if there are any left over at the end of the week, they become muffins or banana bread.
I’m glad you didn’t spend more on that book, it’s okay, but it sure isn’t great. I spent so much of it thinking that every character except Lata kind of sucked.
That math is bananas 😂, but it checks out.
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
I also love skinny jeans now and I also railed against them around 2012 and had a hard time giving up mg boot cut! I feel like when I finally fully embraced the skinnies and started to get on the bandwagon they started going out of style… which kind of explains my style overall 😆
I still wear them although also will do a straight leg or a boot cut, no wide leg, baggy, mom jean or low rise for me.
I can relate to getting older and not giving a fuck about trends, it’s pretty freeing!
I am SO HAPPY to have someone else who had that experience! Once I gave up the boot cut there was no going back for me! Baggy jeans are just a non-starter for me.
You GO Nicole, from your denim covered soap box! I’ve never been much into trends, but I used to like my clothes fitted and tight – and now there’s no way I can stand anything like that. I have a strict “no bindage” rule! I like stretchy, soft clothes at all times. I’m 54 and I shall be comfortable.
I recall the fad of low-cut jeans paired with cropped shirts, but I never wore them. I remember dying laughing at a group of teen girls riding their bikes down the street – I’d never seen so many butt cracks exposed in public!!
I wanted to clairify that the girls did not hear me laughing – I always try to be considerate of people’s feelings!
Lololol Michelle, I just commented to Suzanne about that. The low rise jeans! I am sure I accidentally flashed many a person many a time. Ah, fashion.
I love that we are in the comfort stage of life! Yes!
The problem I have with jeans is that I am a curvy lady and I walk a lot and the insides of the thighs give out SO QUICKLY that I do not feel I get my money’s worth out of jeans. I do not know if I will ever buy another pair again. I feel personally attacked by them each time I kneel down and hear the creeeeeak of my jeans splitting. Way to judge my curvy lady thighs, JEANS.
I am reading a book that takes place in the pandemic right now and I am Not A Fan. It turns out that I’m still a little too traumatized and not in the place for it. Maybe in another ten years I’ll be okay with it! I’m happy those books are being written right now before our memories get too hazy and for people who want to read them, but I’m not ready to process my feelings just yet.
I’ve read a few pandemic books and some I’m fine with. Others, god, no. Maybe it’s how it’s written? I’m not sure.
I agree, no more jeans for Engie! There are so many other clothes! No need to feel judged, jeez, jeans, give her a break!
I basically hate all jeans and most pants in general. I LOVE the look of your skinny jeans on you and agree completely: let’s find clothes that are comfortable and make us feel good both physically and emotionally and screw the “trendiness” of them. Obviously you look super trendy.
I also think a lot of that has to do with confidence. I just had this conversation with someone recently where I said I think a HUGE part of someone’s fashion sense comes down to confidence. Sometimes you can see someone in a disheveled look and they’re hunched over and look sad and unhappy with their appearance. But another person can “pull off” that same look because of body language.
I like celery and cooked apples but have a child who GAGS with anything that even hints of cooked fruit. I assume most of those bananas are for your daily smoothies.
I also loved These Precious Days.
And this made me laugh: “I have seen this trend before. I have worn this trend before.” You’re just such a fabulous writer, Nicole and this was another great post <3
Oh, thank you! And I think it’s so true, remember so long ago the advice to have head up, shoulders back – I think that’s the key. Wear what suits you and what you like, and wear it with pride and confidence! For the record, you look so great in dresses! You have a great style!
And ding ding ding! You guessed it, smoothies! I have fourteen a week, my son has one daily, my husband every few days, but he also likes to snack on them. Anything left over becomes a muffin or banana bread.
No fucks over here either
*high five*
Preach on, sister. I am in the skinny-jeans-for-life camp and I have 0 f’s to give if they are in style. I mean it’s not like I’m a woman about town hitting up the clubs and worrying about what the kids are thinking of me. I just really don’t care and since my early 30s I’ve embraced what feels and looks good on my body and have left the rest behind. I am not going to wear a peplum top, for example, because it looks ridiculous on me, nor will I wear wide legs jeans (are peplum tops still in style? I don’t know. But when they were, I avoided them like the plague). If someone else wants to buy allll the wide leg jeans because they like them, then good for them. I’ve really embraced the “good for them, not for me” mindset.
I also loved These Precious Days. I adore Patchett. She is hands down my favorite author.
I don’t think there is much I can say about things I wish I liked. There are things I wish I could eat, like things with gluten. But that’s out of my control so not worth thinking about.
Peplum tops, yes, this is a style that just would not work for me at all! Ditto ruffles, ruching, or the cold shoulder (I don’t think it’s in style anymore but still.)
I feel like Lisa wins best answer in this comment section: “it’s not like I’m a woman about town hitting up the clubs and worrying about what the kids are thinking of me.” This made me laugh SO hard because I am picturing Lisa (who reminds me so much of myself) “hitting up clubs”; LOVE it 🙂
I agree with your logic. If everyone wanted everything, there would be nothing left. For example, bananas. I love bananas, but I can only eat them in moderation because eating too many causes the roof of my mouth to itch. I’ve been tested and I’m not allergic, but it’s still uncomfortable. But I like your reasoning. There wouldn’t be enough if everyone loved everything.
Right? And just so I’m clear, because I know you just got a tattoo – I love seeing other people’s tattoos and hearing the stories behind them. Love it! But I know I’ll never get one.
Aww, I know you do! No worries. 😘
I smiled through this whole post. NICOLE FOR PRESIDENT! Um. Which would require moving to the US, because I’d want you to be OUR president.
Like you, I was slow to embrace the skinny jeans fashion, but once I was in, I was — and am — all in. I really think the shoes have a lot to do with it. I simply cannot wear a heel anymore, I just can’t and won’t, and it seems to me that most jeans look best — on a woman of my body shape — with heels. Skinny jeans and tall boots all day, every day. Well, not ALL day; I’m wearing leggings a good portion of the day.
When I was in high school, I wore baggy jeans and crop tops. And the baggy jeans of yore were LOW RISE, and I have to close my eyes and do breathing exercises whenever I recall how many people have seen my underwear. Now, I need a nice high waist jean to keep everything locked in. But I find that for me, a baggy high rise jeans adds big ol’ pooch to my pelvic region and I am Not a Fan of That.
Oh oh oh, I forgot about the low rise. I wore them when they were in fashion – low rise boot cut – but I was NOT in high school, I was a mom with two very small children and I was always bending over…I’m sure I flashed a little whale tail many times to the neighbours, is what I’m saying here. Remember those super low rise, in which you would need a major bikini wax to wear them? What is with fashion, seriously.
The footwear is I think the key! I don’t like the way a wider ankle looks with flats, unless the ankles are cuffed, I guess. I think the wide ankle looks so good with a heel but my days of wearing heels are very sporadic!
Oh my goodness — being a mom during the low rise days sounds very challenging.
Love how everyone else is asking about the number of bananas you buy. I don’t really buy bananas because only my kid eats them, so I was kind of like, “30? Sure, I trust Nicole, maybe that’s a reasonable amount?” APPARENTLY NOT. lol!
Lololol IT SEEMS REASONABLE TO ME! But it inspires shock in everyone else apparently!
Skinny jeans and tall boots on you – hey, when you’re right you’re right. I tend to think pretty much anything would look good on you, but I strongly concur with wear whatever fucking jeans you want. the only reason the trends are bad is that you might not be able to find as many skinny jeans to buy, which sucks.
I am a declared non-skinny jeans wearer, mostly because I felt like I’d need to be skinnier. And then i was in Torrid with my friend and the sales girl gave her a pair of jeggings to give me to try on with stuff and clearly she knew what she was doing because now I own two pairs of jeggings, and they are like butter and I can do lotus position (or could if i could do lotus position at all) and put away books on the very lowest shelf with ease. I still like my slouchy holey jeans though, for non-work days.
There are things I don’t like that i wish I did, as much as i love your take on this.
I am typing on my work computer and that is why my Is keep coming out lower case.
Jeggings! Jeggings are the best. I am so excited for you! They are so comfy to move around in.
Also HI NICOLE. I don’t love bangs, but without them I have the hairline of Cousin It.
This 100%. I will wear what I choose to wear and please God, let’s hope that skinny jeans continued to be offered. I still remember where I was, the grocery store, when I saw someone wearing skinny jeans for the first time. I was like WHAT? IS? HAPPENING?
I am actually wondering if I should start hoarding skinny jeans just in case! Probably not a good idea but it is one that popped into my head!
I am just nodding along to this: “here’s the thing about them being off-trend: I do not give a fuck. This is a supreme privilege of aging: I do not have to give any more fucks about any clothing trend.” About clothing or much of anything else: if you don’t like what I do, why would I care? You do you and I’ll do me, judgy person. (Not YOU you, obviously!)
I agree, C! Why should I care even a little about what someone else likes or doesn’t like about something like clothes??
Girlfriend, if I had your height and your legs I would live in skinny jeans. As it is, a few months ago I found a loose fit jean at Old Navy that’s loose in the legs but FITS IN THE WAIST AND HIPS and I’m just like “where have these been all my life?”
I’m with you on the things that I wish I liked posts – I am in awe of them but sheesh I could never come up with a list like that on my own. I’ll never get a tattoo but I’m totally here for it when I see a good one on someone else.
100% agree on the tattoo! I’m always interested to hear about a tattoo backstory but it’s not going to be something I will do.
I heard a podcast about women’s clothing sizes and it’s actually a miracle that any clothes fit anyone at all.
I’m still all about the low rise, boot cut jeans (which are hella hard to find). I do have one pair of skinny leg jeans that I like because they are not tight on my calves, but normally, I do not like them.
I loved Prom Mom. I just finished a book that I really liked and I think you would too . . . Minor Dramas & Other Catastrophes by Kathleen West. It’s about a helicopter mom, progressive teacher, and social media. SO good!
And now I’m curious about the bananas . . .
Oh, I’ll look into that book, thanks for the rec! And you’re right, low rise jeans are super hard to find – where do you get yours?
As for the bananas, we consume a lot of them in smoothies, but also in snacks and – if there are any left over at the end of the week – baking!
I find most of my clothes at Marshall’s and TJ Max.
I still have nightmares from the days when I couldn’t find any jeans that weren’t low-rise.
I can’t do wide leg, straight leg, or boot cut – my legs are just too short and I look ridiculous – so screw the “trends,” skinny jeans forever for this girl!
I hope that this means there will be something for me to buy besides skinny jeans, because they are NOT flattering on my body. One of my best friends is taller with long legs, and she LOVES her skinny jeans, but I am longer in the torso and carry my weight in my hips, so skinny jeans make me look like an ice cream cone. NOT a good look. I agree with you, we should all wear what makes us feel good!
An ice cream cone! I think this is your time to shine, J, because there seems to be so many different styles out there! Time to stock up, I guess?
Haha the bananas – I remember asking you WTF about all the bananas when you posted a pic of your grocery shopping. I am 100% with you on wear what you feel comfortable and attractive in. These fashion changes are so against the environment. I actually buy most of my clothes used (but gorgeous and in great shape) and wear for years and years, then re-donate. These Precious Days — I actually sighed when I saw the title. I loved that book so much. I just have too many books on my list for rereads right now. I may check it out again when I’m away for the winter for a nice relaxing deck read.
I know what you mean, Pat, I often feel like “should I reread, there are so many new books!” but sometimes, a reread is just what I need!
Nicole,
I’ve never really thought about things I wished I liked. That might be an interesting brain exercise to try. Also, WTF, indeed! You look fabulous and should wear whatever you want to that makes you feel good. I have a friend who still likes to wear her shirt collar up. I’m not sure when this was a thing, but it’s her thing. Oh, I got one — I wish I liked to wear sweaters that are itchy. Some are really nice, but if they make me itch (wool and acrylic, I’m looking at you), it’s never going to happen! Also, I’m looking forward to reading the Ann Patchett book. Have a great rest of your week! Mona
Thanks Mona! The collar up – when was that a thing? I’m thinking…mid 80s? I love that she still does that!
Itchy sweaters aren’t fun, I agree. I have a beautiful winter headband that is itchy, and it makes me sad every time I put it on. Like, why am I doing this to myself and why is it so itchy?
I loved that Patchett book as well as This Is The Story of a Happy Marriage and now want to go back and read both of them! I really love her essays the best of all her books.
I own one pair of jeans; they are skinny and I have had them for probably about 20 years. I rarely wear jeans anymore, but when I do, I wear them. Like you said, they go with tall boots, and I also wear them with flip flops or sneakers depending on the event. I would even wear them when I go to the club with Lisa, and if they don’t impress the 20 year olds, at least I will be comfy and have fun! 🙂
You have one pair of jeans! You’re such a minimalist!!!
I liked Happy Marriage but definitely not as much as These Precious Days. I love her essays too.
My jeans stopped fitting in 2020 and I just kind of … stopped wearing jeans. Soft pants and leggings all the way!
I don’t know if there is anything I wished I liked. I mean if I don’t like it, why waste energy wishing I did? Just revel in the “not for me”-ness of things.
Diane! That’s it! You’ve put it perfectly, I don’t really want to expend any energy wishing I liked things that I really don’t!
Skinny jeans forever!!!!
Solidarity!!!
I enjoy a skinny or straight legged jean myself. I don’t care about trends. I care about what looks good on my body and what feels comfy. Screw the trends.
Do you run a group home? That is so freaking weird to say!! WHAT?
Recently, I was at Costco and I purchased six hams and a case of green beans. While checking out, a guy behind me mentioned that I must be having a big party.
I was like, um, this is for some friends of mine who are cooking for the homeless…but inside I was thinking: Who has a ham and green bean party?
People are funny!
A ham and green bean party! It’s a new trend!
The group home thing was a new one to me!
Solidarity in jeggings. Preach it, Nicole. I have finally figured out what works on my weird body. I refuse to give that up in favor of, ahem, “trendiness”. I am not trendy. I am veering rapidly towards middle aged. Been there, tried the trends. Happier without them, for sure.
Jeggings are fantastic, I’m so glad you found what works!
Girl, you and I are the same… I was wearing the low-rise bootcut FOREVER (and I would revisit that area) and it took me a loooong time to warm up to skinny jeans, but now? Now you’d have to try to pry them out of my cold dead hands. 🙂
era
Ha, I love that we are the same when it comes to fashion! Except I don’t really wear purple and you look great in it!