Category Archives: Mind Songs

Brought To You By The Letter I; Forty-Five Weeks In

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One of the most wonderful things about the world is that we are all so different; the world is a rich tapestry; as my grandma used to say, it takes all kinds of people to make a world. And yet, in many ways we are all the SAME; we all want to live our best lives, to be the best versions of ourselves, and to experience joy, happiness, and health. But it’s our differences, I think, that are so interesting.

For example, there are people who, when they open a box of Girl Guide sandwich cookies, prefer the vanilla to the chocolate. When I say prefer, I mean they actually eat all the vanilla cookies before eating the chocolate ones, if they eat the chocolate at all. I know! And there are some people who prefer the sandwich cookies – either kind – to the mint chocolate wafer ones. I cannot pretend to understand such people, but I respect their choices. I mean, if we are sharing a box of Girl Guide cookies, I am more than happy if you choose the vanilla and leave me the chocolate.

I once knew a woman who had incredibly strong opinions on every small thing you can imagine, and those opinions – generally negative, she was and probably still is a wretchedly unhappy person – manifested in judgement of other people. Women over age 21 with long hair were pathetically trying to recapture their youth, anyone who grooved to Billie Jean was a pedophile by association, thong underwear was for prostitutes and anyone who wore such items was suspect, kale was for people who were pretentious and snobbish, as no one could ever possibly really like it. You can imagine her opinion of me. She even thought labradoodles in general, and my dog in particular, were stupid. Barkley! Say what you will about my underwear, but Barkley Boy is off limits.

I haven’t spoken with her – obviously – for many years, but whenever I feel a nugget of judgement about someone or something manifest itself in my brain, I remind me that I do not want to be that person and I try to see things from that person’s point of view. It mostly works. Plus, have you ever noticed that when you secretly judge something or someone, it ALWAYS comes back to bite you? Never say “I would NEVER do X” because inevitably it will happen. It’s like someone I know who smugly told me, many years ago when I was going through the agonies of potty training with my son, that her daughter was fully potty trained, day and night, by 18 months and all I had to do was put my son in underwear and it would happen. It was superior parenting that made the difference and I, frankly, was not doing my job properly. Then her second child refused to use the potty and was still having accidents at age 5. That’s karma at work. I mean, I think that kid must be a teen by now so I’m sure he’s gotten over that hurdle but still. I try to keep an open mind and consider there might be mitigating circumstances that affect every one of us in different ways.

On that note, I have started a “Strength for Runners” online program; I am on a hiatus from running at the moment, and I really miss it. I am just not a Winter Runner; I don’t like running in below-zero temperatures, I am a very early morning person and I do not want to run in the dark even if it wasn’t below zero, and I am really, really scared of slipping on the ice and snow. Even when the gym reopens I am not sure when I will feel ready to face it, and in the meantime, I have no access to a treadmill. I do have an elliptical trainer and a Peloton bike, so I can keep my cardio strength up, but I thought I should try this strength training so that when I do get back to running, I don’t injure my knees or my old-lady hips.

I know many of you love strength training, like my friend Twyla (HI TWYLA) but I…do not. I love cardio; I love being sweaty and that heart-pounding, lung-aching feeling of a good workout. But strength training? No. However, this program is ten minutes per session and I can make myself do anything for ten minutes, including listening to a detailed conversation about the WWE Royal Rumble and how it is a real highlight of January, not to mention the year.

The first ten minute session was incredibly underwhelming, OR SO I THOUGHT. This is ridiculous, I thought as I lunged and “curtsied” and planked my way through ten minutes. This is doing NOTHING. I can’t feel a thing. It’s completely ineffective. Who would ever find this helpful? I silently judged the whole program and everything in it until the next morning when I got out of bed and discovered that my butt was on fire.

Judgement! It literally bit me in the butt.

Consider me humbled. Suffice it to say that I haven’t missed a session yet. Who knows, maybe I’ll end up with buns of steel, like one of those videos from the nineties. At the very least, I’m hoping to start running again and be injury-free.

Outfit of the Week

This week’s OOTW is – appropriately enough – workout wear! Normally only my lucky family sees me makeup-free, in workout clothes, but I love this outfit so much I wanted to share it with you. First, I have had those pants for at least ten years and they still look great. The woman mentioned above also thought that lululemon is overpriced garbage, but the longevity of their clothes can really not be beat.

When I get up in the morning, it’s COLD in the house. I spend a bit of time reading, writing, and drinking coffee and so I need a little layer before I start exercising. I love this crop sweater; it makes me feel very Flashdance. I would never wear it for its intended midriff-baring purpose, but I like it as a layer.

When I do my yoga practice, it’s still pretty chilly in the house so I like to have a t-shirt on over my yoga tank. I bought this tee in 2013 for the Blissdom blogging conference, and you can see it here with a photo of my dear, dear friends Hannah and Allison (HI HANNAH HI ALLISON).

By the time I do my cardio I strip down to my tank top. This red tank is probably nine or ten years old; my friend Sharyl has – and still wears – the exact same one (HI SHARYL).

By the by, I have to share with you my workout playlist from earlier this week:

I think we all can agree Spotify shuffle just does not work. I have hundreds of songs on multiple playlists, and I always hear the same dozen or so over and over. My older son showed me how to arrange the songs alphabetically, which is a very fun way to listen to music. Note: it does NOT work for Christmas music, unless you want to hear eight different versions of Baby, It’s Cold Outside one after the other. Anyway, this playlist is brought to you by the letter I, with special appearances from Johnny Come Home and Jump. Incidentally, I think “Brought To You By The Letter I” would be a great name for a personal blog.

Thoughts and prayers for my family, who have to hear me singing loudly with my earbuds in. JOHNNY. WE’RE SORRY. WON’T YOU COME ON HOME. The only thing worse is when I listen to the Hamilton soundtrack.

Pandemic Reading

Bear with me for a moment when I say that this was a really good book and also the premise is a 16-year-old girl who runs away to live “off the grid” with her high school English teacher. I know. I know. Things, as you may imagine, go disastrously, because what kind of man runs away to live off the grid with a 16-year-old girl? But there is a very excellent story in here and also a theme about sisters and family. It’s set in 1969, with a backdrop of hippies, the Vietnam war, and the Manson murders.

I really like Malcolm Gladwell – this isn’t my FAVOURITE of his, but it’s very good. He is always so smart and nuanced, and this book about assumptions and strangers is excellent with, as always, a very very VERY wide range of examples.

Three generations of women, one wedding dress…but the current bride doesn’t want to wear it! Oh no! This is what I’d call a Hallmark Movie Book: light, silly, full of twists and turns and emotions. A nice winter weekend read.

Happy last week of January, everyone! Stay warm and cozy! xo

Boyhouse Year In Review 2020

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WELL! I don’t think any of us could have possibly predicted the year that we just had, in any capacity. I would like to think that we will never take things for granted again: our health, our ability to travel, our friendships and family, but human nature being what it is, there will come a day when we probably will.

2020 was disastrous in so many ways, but I think that looking back on it, we can see massive change and growth, and, looking forward, glimmers of hope. I know that going through this year has made me re-evaluate many things, and I have realized that many things I felt I could never live without, I have.

So let us look back on the year that was absolutely unlike any year we have experienced, but that will surely be talked about and written about for decades to come.

Boyhouse Year In Review 2020

January

I was stressed out about juggling doctor, dentist, and orthodontist appointments for the boys – remember juggling things? – it was insanely cold and I went for a mall walk like an elderly person, and I got weirdly stressed out about getting a gel pedicure. I also – sob – complained about exam break and my son being home from school IMAGINE YOUR KIDS BEING HOME FROM SCHOOL FOR THREE WEEKS JUST IMAGINE LOLOLOLOLSOB.

January 2020 Nicole was such an innocent, and also I did not go for that gel pedicure.

February

I overheard a man at Walmart asking for extra-small condoms, I went to Math Night at the high school and was comparatively a hippie, I went to Costco on a Sunday afternoon for the first and last time and also baked a heart-shaped cake for dinner with friends, and I wore a different outfit every day in February.

All the outfits were pretty similar though.

March

I talked about how insidious jealousy is, although I freely admitted to being insanely jealous of my friends’ hair, I noticed people buying a LOT of toilet paper at Costco (cue ominous music), I really did try to fulfil my New Year’s Resolution of buying a bra but failed, we cancelled our trip to Mexico and I bought a lot of groceries, my son turned 16 and we had our first Pandemic Birthday, and I accidentally hoarded taco shells.

Everything shut down, including the yoga studio, and so I also started my home yoga practice. This was a huge change because nearly every day for thirteen years I went to the studio to practice in the early morning hours. School was also cancelled “indefinitely.”

April

In what can only be described as the Worst Timing Ever, my coffee maker started leaking, grocery shopping became a harrowing, soul-sucking quest and I started wearing a mask, my sons stopped shaving, I got my very first cloth mask and declared it to be the New Lipstick, I coloured my own hair for the first time in decades, and I cleaned and reorganized the hideous laundry area.

I also had a pandemic birthday and my friends brought me a gift while wearing dinosaur costumes and playing Danger Zone.

May

Some things started to open up, notably the orthodontist, which meant that I did NOT have to use toenail clippers to cut my son’s brace wires, we had a Pandemic Mother’s Day and I stressed out about baking powder, we visited my parents for the first time in months, I aired my grievances, big and small, and I was really on edge about grocery carts.

I also talked about pandemic beauty products.

June

Amid lots of worries, we celebrated Barkley’s birthday, we started to catch up on appointments as medical and dental offices opened, I gave myself a bikini wax and I learned some things are best left to the professionals, the renos were finished on our vacation home and so we went there for a little break and I thoroughly enjoyed the newly-flushing toilet, and I reminisced about Hammerman.

I also shared my hair styling tips, follow me for more great beauty advice.

July

I talked about the role of luck in life, I had lots of adventures, including one in which I learned how outhouses in the backcountry get emptied, I GOT A PELOTON AND IT HAS BEEN LIFE-CHANGING (and also practiced gratitude), and I talked about leaning in and out, yin and yang.

I also talked about sweat! Again, follow me for more fascinating and glamourous topics.

August

I finally watched Hamilton and also bleached my hands accidentally, someone called the cops on my son and his band, I realized after months of wearing shorts that the boys had vastly outgrown all their pants, we were on a vacation of sorts and I prepared for the boys to actually go back to actual physical school.

I also talked about my beloved herb garden.

September

The boys went back to school (!!!!!!), my son turned 15 and had a socially distanced birthday party, I marked six months since I had my hair cut and professionally coloured, I had the Lido Shuffle stuck in my head and I actually did get my hair cut and coloured.

Also, Barkley shared my passion for fall fruits.

October

My son finally (FINALLY OMG FINALLY) shaved off his pandemic moustache and I got excused from jury duty, we enjoyed incredible fall colours and for the first time ever I got to eat something at Thanksgiving dinner (that I made myself, but still), I had an adventure at Costco, and I talked about Mom Jeans and Dressy Sweatpants.

November

My husband declared himself the winner in the Halloween decoration war, it was the return of the Tiny Secret Festive Season and I finished my Christmas shopping, I had a small breakdown in the grocery store, I talked about Friluftsliv, and we got put on a mini-lockdown.

I also had fun – and THANK YOU ALL FOR WEIGHING IN – discussing Divisive Issues! That was probably my favourite post to write, and my favourite comment section of 2020.

December

Everything was fine, I got festively crazy, the mini-lockdown turned into a major lockdown which we are still in today, and we got a whole lot of snow.

I also talked about being a Linus’ blanket to someone else’s Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

As we wrap up 2020, I’m looking back at my goals for the year (I still didn’t buy a new bra) and looking forward to setting goals for a fresh new year. I learned a lot about myself this year, I grew as a person, so many things changed, there was much sadness and despair but also much happiness, beauty, gratitude, and time with my little family. (SO MUCH TIME WITH MY LITTLE FAMILY).

Thank you so much for coming along with me on my adventures during this strange year; I wish you so much joy and love for the New Year. Here’s to 2021! xoxoxo

One More For The Road; Twenty-Eight Weeks In

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As anyone who knows me is aware, I always have a song stuck in my head. Always. I like to think of it as the Soundtrack of My Life. The last few months, I have had snippets of the Hamilton soundtrack stuck in my head, and not just the big ones like Here comes the general! or Helplessssssssss or I’m not throwing away my! shot! but random lines from random songs. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night suddenly thinking Angelicaaaa, ELIIIIza, and Peggy. The Schuyler Sisters! or, horribly, We have resorted to eating our horses. ON REPEAT. This has been going on for months, no matter what else I have listened to during the day.

Then, suddenly, last week I woke up with – of all things – the Lido Shuffle going through my head. How or why this happened I cannot say, but I slid into my car singing to myself one more for the roooooaaaad, turned on the ignition, and THE LIDO SHUFFLE WAS PLAYING ON THE RADIO.

The station I listen to most of the time is Sirius 70s on 7, and I was driving to teach at the community centre the other day when The Coward of the County came on. I don’t want to flex on you people, but I’m a bit of a savant when it comes to song lyrics. This is particularly true with anything I may have heard often in my youth, and my parents were big Kenny Rogers On Vinyl people. All of which is to say, although I hadn’t heard The Coward of the County for at least thirty years, I automatically sang along.

You know how there are songs that you know all the words to, but have never really given them much thought? That was me. As I sang my way through the song, I startled myself. Have you LISTENED to those lyrics? It is an incredibly violent song. Gang rape! Murder! Probable execution TIMES TWO. All sang in a kindly, lovely, Kenny Rogers voice. I had a Moment, not unlike when I discovered that Ring Around The Rosy was all about dying from the plague. Why is this tune so cheerful and the subject matter so grisly.

We have Sonos speakers all through the house and the kitchen ones are what are utilized for when dinner is being prepared, eaten, and cleaned up after. Last Sunday I had Soul Classics playing, and after dinner I retired to the couch to read while my husband and younger son cleaned up the kitchen. My older son went downstairs to finish some homework, and as I picked up my book, I could hear the distinct, but faint, sound of Blue Rodeo’s Try. At the same time, I could hear, much louder, Soul Classics from the kitchen. The window was open so I stepped outside to see if Try was coming from outside. It disappeared. I called down to my son to see if he was blasting Blue Rodeo while studying. What? What’s Blue Rodeo? So, no. I asked my husband if he could hear it. What? No. I walked into the kitchen and, indeed, all I could hear was Signed, Sealed, Delivered. No Blue Rodeo. Back to the couch. Oh, baby you try. Tryyyyyy.

This was more than having a song stuck in my head, this was music that I could hear and, apparently, I was the only one hearing it.

Isn’t that a sign of something? I was honestly starting to get worried. I can hear music that no one else can. Then, I noticed something flash on the TV; my husband, in an attempt not to see anything about the Patriots game he was recording to watch in its entirety after dinner, had flipped the channel to a music one, and had turned the sound way down…but not apparently to zero. I was hearing the very soft music on the speaker beside the couch.

Well, that was a relief.

Also a relief; I had my first salon visit in over six months. Here’s the Before, During, and After:

I know what you’re going to say: it’s dark. Mmmhmmm. It’s actually way darker than I like; my hair therapist had changed colour lines and warned me that my usual colour might need “tweaking” and here we are. This dark colour is very similar to my “birth” colour (as opposed to “natural” as my natural colour is grey-white), which I haven’t seen in 25 years or so. Honestly, I find it startling every time I look in the mirror.

Well, as my friend Monique (HI MONIQUE) said, colour fades over time and I colour every four weeks or so; this is a temporary thing. It’s not like I just got a face tattoo or anything. Who knows, maybe I’ll grow to like it, but in any case, I have four boxes of Garnier in my cupboard from when they were on sale at Superstore for $4.99. Also, the cut made it feel so much healthier and bouncier, which should get me through the next six months or so.

Pandemic Reading

What happens when a father’s dying wish is for his family to sit shiva for him? A lot. This was a mixture of Wow, That’s Sad, and Horrified Laughing Out Loud, and I Didn’t Predict The End. In other words, worth a read. According to my Instagram friends, this was made into a movie.

A baby girl is abandoned at the YMCA. I am going to tell you that this is a beautifully written book, not unlike Room, wherein if you start it, you need to finish it for the message of hope and love. HOWEVER, like Room, it is extremely upsetting and disturbing and difficult to read. There’s your caveat.

Speaking of difficult to read, I picked this up as it was written by a friend’s sister-in-law. It deals with the death of the author’s sister and best friend – the sister, suffering from extreme mental illness commits suicide, and the best friend succumbs to cancer. It’s a very raw and emotional read.

Whew, after all those books of death and despair, I’m going to read something very very light. I will let you know what exactly I’m reading next week. xo

Does Anyone Else Remember Hammerman; Fifteen Weeks In

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Last week, for no discernible reason, I remembered that MC Hammer had a cartoon television show called Hammerman; the actual show I do not remember at all, probably because I didn’t actually watch it, except that it featured magical shoes. Due to the magic that is the internet, I could watch an episode, or at least the theme song, which I recall was incredibly long and detailed, but I’d rather leave it as a strange memory bouncing around in my brain.

It’s funny sometimes, how popular culture from one’s childhood can just resurface for no particular reason. I’m not talking about Hammerman, as I was a teenager at the time of its popularity, such as it was, and again, I never watched it. But occasionally some Saturday morning cartoon memory will pop into my head, most notably from School House Rock or an obscure commercial for cheese (I hanker for a hunk of cheese!). I can still sing the entire theme song for ParticipAction – do it with your friends, you both can bend, do it with some hustle, you can make some muscle – and I can also still feel the shame of getting the Participant sticker, rather than the badges, handed out at gym class. I still cannot do a pull-up.

It’s incredible to think that forty years ago we were all exclusively watching Saturday morning cartoons and arranging our bathroom and cereal breaks around commercials; we had to wait a whole week to see who would be on the next episode of The Muppet Show, and an entire summer wondering who shot JR, and now anyone can watch anything at any time. I mean, I remember getting our first PVR approximately 13 years ago and the amazement that came from being able to pause and rewind live television, and now here we are, able to access Hammerman or Conjunction Junction on a whim. If I wanted to I could watch every single episode of The Facts of Life; my childhood self would be amazed and envious.

I remember learning, back in the Eighties, that some of the songs that were huge hits were also cover songs: I Think We’re Alone Now, Lean On Me, I Can’t Help Falling In Love, You Keep Me Hanging On. In recent years I discovered the OG versions of Hard to Handle and There’s Always Something There To Remind Me, and for all of the above, I prefer the originals. However, there are a few songs that I think are better as covers: Lovers In A Dangerous Time (Barenaked Ladies), Knocking on Heaven’s Door (Guns and Roses), and Light My Fire (Jose Feliciano). If you, dear reader, have any thing to add, I would love to hear it.

Speaking of hit songs, last week I learned something incredible: Jimmy Buffett has just released a new album. JIMMY BUFFETT. HAS JUST RELEASED A NEW ALBUM. Does anyone else find that amazing? I mean, for one thing, he’s 73 years old. For another thing, the man has an enormous number of albums to his name and I would challenge you to name any of them. You can’t, can you? And yet he is an incredibly successful recording artist with a devoted following, not to mention a Sirius channel of his own. Talk about finding your niche in the world. It’s quite inspiring, really. Where would we be without Margaritaville? Searching for our lost shakers of salt, I guess. We all enjoy Margaritaville, of course, but my personal favourite Jimmy Buffett song, one that I do not think gets enough accolades, is Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw. That is one catchy tune, and I am not being facetious. I just got a waterbed, it’s filled up for me and you.

Well, I’ll be singing that one all day, which is better than a few minutes ago, when it was ParticipAction, get with the action, do it, do it, do it.

Pandemic Reading

This was a fun week of re-reading the Rosie series. Initially I had thought that the trilogy got better and better with each book, but after reading them all this week, I have decided that they are all equally excellent in their own way, which is a huge and rare accomplishment for any trilogy. I really love how the books portray a person who processes the world differently, with so much affection and humour.

Yummy Things

I have been having the occasional Friday afternoon wine date with my dear friend and neighbour Taryn (HI TARYN); last week I made the three house trek to her backyard, carrying my brand new (thank you, Superstore, for your free gift with purchase) camping chair, and this tote bag packed with wine, my keys, and a glass. Isn’t it cute?

For Sunday night dessert last night, my older son made a pan of Reese Peanut Butter Bars; if you like peanut butter and chocolate and you see a package in the grocery store, buy it! The bars were very yummy and simple to put together.

What’s Blooming

This has been a strangely late year for almost all my shrubs and plants; the roses are coming along but still pretty stick-like, the dogwoods are not completely leafed out yet, and although my newly-planted clematis is blooming, my established one is not. However, the lilacs are fully out and almost finished, and the Siberian irises are glorious.

Pandemic Fitness

When running and walking this week, the lilac scents have been absolutely wonderful. Our fitness club has reopened with lots of restrictions, and I haven’t yet gone, but I’m considering doing a reconnaissance this week, as the weather has changed from Pleasant to Cold and Rainy. We will see.

Have a wonderful week, everybody! Keep safe! xo

Karaoke Queen

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This morning I saw an article titled “Best Karaoke Songs of All Time” and of course I clicked on it; I’m not made of steel, people. I was sadly disappointed though, only one of the songs – Don’t Stop Believing – was, in my mind “best.”

I love karaoke, and not in a If I Have Enough Drinks kind of way, no, I would surely karaoke dead sober at the airport at 6:30 in the morning if there was a machine available, or while waiting in line at the grocery store. If it was socially acceptable I would be karaoke-ing all the time, any time, any place. As it is, I just sing along to the radio and live with the songs that are constantly stuck in my head.

Did I mention that a few weeks ago I had Ride Like The Wind stuck in my head for five days straight? It was quite something to have and I’ve got such a long way to go, (such a long way to go), to make it to the border of Mexico going through my head on a loop for a hundred and twenty hours. I even dreamed about the song, which made me a little bit concerned about my sanity and my life choices, specifically what songs I put on my Spotify playlists.

I have a theory about karaoke, and the types of people who are attracted to it. There are, as I see it, three main types of people. The first type are the people like my friend Dom (HI DOM) who have good voices, can sing well, and have fun doing it. These people sing crowd favourites, and are very enjoyable to listen to. On our recent trip to Huatulco, there were a number of people participating in karaoke night who fall into this category. Notably – other than my friend Dom – was the teenage brother and sister combination who sang Bohemian Rhapsody while their father Dad Danced onstage.

The second type are the people who appear as though they believe they will be discovered on the Voice and who choose songs that are not necessarily popular with the crowd, but that showcase their talents. I am NOT judging here, but it is decidedly less enjoyable to listen to a young woman earnestly singing several Amy Winehouse songs, as opposed to an enthusiastic-but-less-musically-talented person singing Sweet Caroline, which happens to be one of the actual best karaoke songs ever written. Also included in the I Am A Contestant On The Voice In My Own Mind category was an older woman with a soprano voice singing The Long and Winding Road, and another lady who sang I Will Always Love You. People, a Whitney Houston song is always risky. Only Whitney can sing like Whitney; one might as well try to sing along to The Phantom of the Opera. Unless, of course, you are the fellow in Say Anything singing The Greatest Love of All. If you haven’t seen that particular movie in a while, here is the very classic clip.

Which brings me to the third category, into which I fall: the person who loves to sing but has a less than stellar voice. What can I say, what I lack in vocal talent I make up for in stage presence:

For the record, I’m singing You’re So Vain.

I often think of the Soundtrack Of My Life, and what songs remind me of different times of my life. This morning I heard When The Night Feels My Song and I became overwhelmingly nostalgic for those years with the kids when they were little; that specific song used to be played on CBC Kids, which is what led me to the bout of nostalgia. Alicia Keys’ If I Ain’t Got You will always remind me of late night feedings with my firstborn, as we didn’t have many channels then and that song was played a lot on Much Music, which I watched in an attempt to stay awake during those times. The Cha-Cha Slide brings me back to the early years in elementary school, as my younger son – strangely enough – performed to that song in kindergarten. And of course there are the songs that take me back to my own school days; Don’t Worry Be Happy, Mony Mony, and anything by The Grapes of Wrath and Depeche Mode. I Like To Move It (Move It) will always remind me of my bar-hopping days, and the Gypsy Kings bring me back to the days when my husband and I were dating.

I’m not sure what song is playing in my Life Soundtrack right now, as Ride Like The Wind has now wound its way back into my brain. Oh my god, maybe THAT’S it. Hoo boy. I think I need to go listen to something else to try to shake this. xo

God bless mathematical algorithms

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“We are gearing up for the saddest week of the year!” the radio DJ said this morning, which startled me: is it Blue Monday already? I guess that’s what happens when January 1 is a Monday; god bless mathematical algorithms.

For all that, I am not blue today. Last week, a combination of the frigid temperatures and impending ladies’ holiday put me at Low Level Crabbiness, With A Tendency To Spike To Full-Blown Crabbiness. Today, though, feels fine, even though HOO BOY are there a lot of reasons to be blue these days. I mean…I will not go into them all so as to not depress us all but there are people out there who are not toddlers who are voluntarily eating Tide pods. I saw a small video clip, from Tide, of Rob Gronkowski telling people not to eat Tide pods and I laughed, people, I laughed. Then I found out that people are actually eating Tide pods and my laughter turned into a blank stare of confusion and disbelief.

Let’s not dwell on this, though, because I am assuming this is a very small portion of the population who looks at laundry detergent as a delicious, delicious snack. I’m trying not to see this as a reaction to the Crazytown Bananapants presidency and the appalling news that changes every five minutes. Probably it’s a weird way to get high. Don’t tell me, I don’t really want to know. Or do I? No, I don’t.

I don’t know why or how this happened, but I have had the old 1980s ParticipAction theme song going through my head ALL DAY LONG. This is even worse than the time I had the old Channel 2&7 Hello Calgary theme song stuck in my head. Hello Calgary, hello Calgaaaarrrryyyy…channels 2&7 love you! Well, if you’re feeling nostalgic and would like to see some very fit people clad in nothing but shorts and roller skates, or leotards and tights, click here for the old commercial. If you let it keep going you will be treated to some Body Breaks with Hal Johnson and Joanne Macleod, but I don’t recommend going down that particular rabbit hole unless you have some time on your hands.

Okay, I admit that I did watch the one on Airplane Exercise. Hey, what can I say, I have varicose veins and they become painful with air travel (yes, again) (I know) (apparently it’s rare) (I’m a unique snowflake/ unicorn). I do wear my super-sexy, full length beige support stockings while travelling, in case you’re wondering about how glamourous it is to be me.

Speaking of high fashion, do you people have any idea what is going on in this world? The fanny pack is back, I repeat, the fanny pack is back. It is now called a Belt Bag which, a rose by any other name, etc. As well: scrunchies. Scrunchies are back in style, so I guess my high school self should have saved all those little puffy bands that I colour-coordinated with all my outfits. I could be the hippest mom around! All I need are my old high school jeans with big belts and giant t-shirts all tucked in and I’ll be set!

Well, they always say you can never go back again, and so I shall leave the scrunchies to the next generation. Or will I? I’m due for a Nicole’s Favourite Things so…no. No, I just can’t go back there.

Happy Monday, lovely readers, if you’re feeling blue know that I’m sending you virtual hugs and cookies. xo

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

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I promise not to complain about the sheer futility of Daylight Saving Time, and the ending of Daylight Saving Time, and the ridiculousness that is the idea of Daylight Saving Time, and the fact that we are a mere two weeks away from the sun setting before 4:30 pm. I promise.

I have had the most bizarre song stuck in my head; it is Please Come To Boston. It’s somewhat obscure, and I do not know how it happened, but I have been singing You rambling boy why won’t you settle down, Boston ain’t your kind of town, there ain’t no gold and there ain’t nobody like mmmmeeeeeeeeeeee, ’cause I’m the number one fan of the man from Tennessee. Over and over. And with the very strong crescendo, which made my kids look at each other, alarmed and silent. A friend (HI ALLISON) who I saw at the yoga studio this afternoon helped me out for a few moments, by singing I am sixteen, going on seventeen, but alas, mere minutes later it was eclipsed by Please come to Boston, she said no, you come home to meeeeee. If this goes on much longer I may need to be medicated.

Saturday night I went to see Dr. Strange, which was the very last thing I wanted to do on Saturday night. Well, maybe not the very last; it was probably above “colonoscopy” but much, much below “binge-watching The Crown while drinking wine on the couch in my pajamas.” However, I am very happy to have seen it, because it was extremely entertaining, very funny, and the perfect length. Too many movies these days – she says, while shaking a grizzled, liver-spotted fist in the air – are at least thirty minutes too long. I highly recommend it, if you are a person who enjoys superhero movies. Even if you’re not, it’s still very fun.

I was feeling especially drained this weekend, after the eon that was last week, and seven and a half hours of teacher training on the weekend, which is why I wanted to just curl up at home on Saturday night. Friday, if you recall, I was chaperoning a field trip to the Olympic Oval. It wasn’t until we were actually at the Oval that I learned WHY we were there, and that was to watch the qualifying heats for the World Cup for Short Track Speed Skating. Did you know there was a World Cup for Short Track Speed Skating? Neither did I. But it was very fun, and I learned all sorts of interesting things, like Kazakhstan is quite a contender for Short Track, and also, the 500 metre event is absolute insanity. I kept waiting for someone to get killed, but it didn’t happen, happily.

The event was sponsored by an insurance company, and I am giving them a little bit of the side-eye. Since it was a qualifying event, the vast majority of spectators were all kids in Grades 5 and 6; hundreds of kids were there, with homemade flags and signs. The insurance company had thoughtfully provided each child with a gift bag, containing a water bottle, some very nicely done trading cards with photos of speed skaters on them, and TWO NOISEMAKERS; one that folded into an accordion and was used to make loud clapping sounds, and one that was a very loud kazoo. Imagine, if you will, an arena filled with hundreds of children aged 10-12, all armed with noisemakers. The noise was not to be described. Every time a Canadian set foot on the ice, the cheering and kazoo-ing got even louder, if that was even possible, bless those patriotic hearts.

The thing I did not know about speed skating is that there needs to be perfect silence prior to each heat, because any noise can trigger the starting gun and result in false starts. Think about that for a moment, if you will.

To be perfectly honest, the children were very good about this silence rule for the first little while, but kids will be kids and by the time the men’s 500 metre came up, there were a number of false starts and several warnings over the loudspeaker. I was pretty relieved by the time we packed it in, because things were starting to go off the rails a tiny bit. I was also relieved that Jake had somehow managed to break his kazoo-noisemaker.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.