It occurred to me recently that Gen X women are the first generation to really talk freely about perimenopause and menopause, just like we were the first generation to talk about the agony and ecstasy of parenting via “mommy blogs.” There were probably some exceptions but it seems to me that our mothers’ generation kept those experiences to themselves. And our grandmothers’ generation? Forget about it. No one wanted to talk about The Change, just like no one wanted to admit that they coloured their hair, IF they coloured their hair. My maternal grandma, at my age, had short steel-grey hair and wore housedresses and no makeup. I feel fairly confident she wasn’t chatting casually about vaginal dryness.
My feeling is that everything is easier when it is shared, and also there is no such thing as too much information. Today I will be talking about my Favourite Things when it comes to managing this sweaty, roller coaster-y stage of life. We are in this together, ladies! I also hope my three male readers enjoy the ride.
Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Perimenopause Edition
HRT for Me
When I was in prenatal class with my first pregnancy, I was assigned a “birth plan” to create. I remember clearly that my “plan,” such as it was, would be to try to avoid an epidural or other drugs, but I wasn’t opposed to them if needed. I had never had a baby before, so I didn’t know if I would want them or not. And indeed, I did have not one but two drug-free births, but during the first one, I started screaming I can’t do it anymore, I need the drugs!, at which point the nurse told me I was nine and half centimetres dilated, it was too late, no drugs for me. The second time around was even faster, and so I never asked for any. Plus I felt like an old pro by that time, as my babies were born less than eighteen months apart, and the vag wasn’t what it once was, if you know what I’m saying.
I have always found it a little distasteful when there is smugness involved in anything birth and parenting related, because the wheel of fortune is undiscerning. My labours were four and two hours long, respectively, but if I was a woman who was in labour for many hours or even days, I would absolutely have had drugs.
I had the same feeling about hormone replacement treatment for perimenopause, namely that I would consider it if I ever felt that I needed to. And for years I didn’t need to; for the longest time, I thought not right now, I can manage without, it’s not so bad, until last April. Last April, things became unmanageable. Suddenly I was unable to get restorative sleep, I was exhausted all the time, my whole body thrummed with fatigue and, oddly, an elevated heartrate. I was having hot flashes and night sweats constantly, and I just could not cope. I didn’t want to cope. My doctor, a brilliant and progressive young woman, immediately prescribed a low dose oral estrogen and progesterone protocol. When I went to the pharmacy to pick it up, the pharmacist explained that the estrogen would help with the hot flashes and the progesterone would help me sleep. Friends, I was so tired that I just burst into relieved tears, right there at the Costco pharmacy. The pharmacist smiled knowingly. The estrogen will help with the mood swings too.
I cannot begin to explain how life-changing this has been for me. In the way that you can’t tell how bad something is until you’re out of it, I realized I was on an energetic downward trajectory for MONTHS, and now I feel like my old self again. I wake up feeling restored and refreshed, my body doesn’t ache, my plantar fasciitis cleared up completely, and I have had not ONE incident of hot flashes or night sweats. My energy is great, I feel good, my cognitive function is such that I’m not wondering if I’m slowly losing my mind. Prior to HRT I was forgetting words like “lunch.” THANK GOD FOR MODERN MEDICINE.
Ritual Stacking
I never forget to take my medication, vitamins, or supplements because I always tie them to something else. I take most things with my breakfast and lunch, but progesterone needs to be taken at night. I keep this mug that my friend Joy gave me (HI JOY) next to my bathroom sink; I tie the progesterone to my nighttime flossing and brushing routine. The mug makes me smile every day, and it feels like a call-out to all us Peri Bitches.
BEAST MODE
I bought you a present! my husband said, and I excitedly bustled over to see what it was.
Some people might not be super excited about a pull-up assist, but I sure was. We are all supposed to be working on strength to counteract age-and-hormone related loss of muscle mass and to improve bone density, and I do, but wow, is it boring. I grimly do my weight training routine with as much joy as I do the vacuuming: I like the end result but it’s just another chore in the day to get there. However, I will say that this pull-up assist is SO much fun. I feel like an absolute beast.
Look at me go! I find it very satisfying that eighteen months ago I could only hang, straight-armed, for a count of ten, and now I can do pull-ups with only the lowest-level of assistance. Maybe one day I will be able to do them totally unassisted! But even if not, it is the journey, not the destination, life is a highway, etcetera.
Roll Out The Welcome Matte
If you are a Gen X woman, then you will surely remember the days of using St Ives Apricot Scrub followed by Sea Breeze toner and Cover Girl matte foundation and pressed powder. We valued a matte face, let’s put it that way, and I still do. I hate the feeling of my face being dewy and shiny; I wear pressed powder every single day and have since I first started wearing makeup. The problem is that once a woman reaches a certain age, a matte look can exacerbate certain lines and wrinkles. How to balance the two?
I absolutely love Tarte BB Blur tinted moisturizer, which provides much-needed moisture without a ton of shine. It purports to have SPF, but it doesn’t say that on the tube, and so I apply it overtop my Neutrogena Face Serum Sunscreen.
It’s still dewier than I like, so I have been following it up with Tower 28 pressed powder; I had seen this powder highly recommended, and I will tell you it is worth the extra expense. It gives a matte finish that lasts all day, without any need for touch-ups.
It also doesn’t collect in little lines and crevices, which is an important consideration for me.
Wrap It Up
I am just not ready to embrace my natural hair colour, which is white and grey. For one thing, to go au naturel would be quite the undertaking: I would have to live with increasingly longer white and grey roots with increasingly fading red ends, or I would have to cut my hair super short and just let it be white and grey, or I would have to have my colour stripped out and then somehow allow my stripped hair to blend in with the white and grey. None of these options appeal.
I usually wear my hair in a bun if I’m on my third day of the three-day wash cycle, and for the last ten days before colouring my roots are pretty noticeable. Enter the hair wrap!
I just got this new one from Scrummy Scrunchies on Etsy; it’s nice and long and I can loop it around my head a few times or let it hang down my back in a bohemian kind of way.
In addition to covering up the roots, it also covers up thinner spots. I know, no one wants to talk about thinning hair, but it happens to the best of us. The feminine mystique takes a bit of a beating during perimenopause; our skin changes, our temperatures change, we sweat more, our periods are all over the place, our vaginas dry up, our waistlines expand, we sprout moustaches and chin hairs, and OUR HAIR STARTS TO FALL OUT. I will give another plug for Nutrafol (I WISH I was sponsored, alas, I am not), which I have been taking religiously since November 2022, and which has made a significant difference in my hair density. At one point, I was actually worried I was going to go bald. My Calgary doctor – A MAN – dismissed my hair loss concerns and said to me flippantly “How many bald women do you see, really?” To which I informed him that actually, my paternal grandmother had to wear a wig because her hair fell out, DO NOT GASLIGHT ME ABOUT MY HAIR, DOCTOR.
Anyway. Nutrafol has worked wonders but the thing about a hair growth supplement is that one’s roots become en evidence much quicker. Well, I can’t simultaneously complain about rapidly-appearing roots from hair growth while taking a hair growth supplement.
Outfit of the Month
I have a tale to tell about this skirt. I was in the market for a summer skirt that was more structured than my usual, and this one from Lululemon seemed to fit the bill. It is the perfect length, it is made of a stiffer material than my athletic skirts, it has a side zipper for a sleek silhouette, it has shorts attached underneath, and it has pockets! Perfection! The reviews online indicated that it fit smaller than usual, and since half my wardrobe is from Lululemon, I very confidently ordered it one size up.
When it arrived, I could not do up the zipper. Well, that’s not true. I was able to do up the zipper, but it involved massive sucking in. Also, I ended up zipping the skin of my waist into the zipper, which was a painful insult-to-injury situation.
I know what you’re thinking, because I was thinking the same thing. Did I changed sizes? I wondered euphemistically. I tried on my very fitted, structured Lululemon pants that involve buttons and zippers, but mysteriously, they fit perfectly. I tried on my jeans, and it was the same thing. It soon became evident that it was not me, it was the skirt, and so I took it back to the store and did what I should have done in the first place, which was to try it on.
And I ended up going up THREE sizes.
I mention this to illustrate that women’s clothing sizes are a joke. We tie so much of ourselves to a certain size – or weight – and then we feel badly when things don’t line up. But those numbers are just numbers. Those numbers are not US. A different number is not some kind of moral failing and it doesn’t say anything about us as a person. All the clothes in my closet fit perfectly, and there are many different sizes involved, depending on the store or brand. I will say that I felt a bit taken aback, going up three sizes for a skirt, and Younger Nicole might not have bought the skirt at all. Wouldn’t that be a shame! Forgoing something so cute for a stupid metric like a clothing size, and in any case, Lululemon tags are designed to be ripped out.
Sandals are from Skechers – comfortable shoes are a must at this stage of the game – and the top is an old one from the Gap.
The thing about perimenopause is that I feel lucky to experience it. Some women don’t make it this far! And the truth is that although some parts of it are absolutely unpleasant, we live in an age where we can talk about it, and there are medical interventions that can help with the really bothersome symptoms. I’m so happy to have a good and open doctor, I am so happy to have access to HRT, and I’m thrilled to live in a world where there are cosmetics, hair colour, and elastic waistbands. xo
Ha, yes our grandmothers were not talking about these things! Same as we didn’t talk about out periods when we were younger, but now girls talk openly about it.
I never tried HRT, because perimenopause wasn’t “that bad” for me. But now I’m wondering if some of the things I’m dealing with could have been addressed by HRT, and I’m also wondering if it’s too late for me to try it. That would probably be a discussion for my gynecologist, and it would be easier to have that discussion if I actually had a gynecologist (long story). I guess I need to do some research.
But- you’re right. We’re LUCKY that we get to experience this. And we’re lucky that there are solutions and that we can talk about it.
Love the skirt story- yes, that would have really thrown me off at a younger age! But it’s as you say- tags are designed to be ripped out.
I mean, I have no medical background BUT HRT is supposed to be beneficial in terms of bone density, which is an important consideration for the both of us. I have no idea if it works after menopause, but it’s worth talking to a doctor about at least!
I think social media, in general, is openeing up the field for talking about women’s stuff. At 58, I only have a few greys but when I get more, I’m not afraid to go all in. I love the look of pretty, grey hair! ..but you’re right. It IS a process!
Oh gosh, I have been completely grey for so long now – twenty years or so! I went grey young so have been colouring forever, and now it feels like it’s going to be a process NOT to colour. I have friends who have gorgeous grey hair, but I just don’t see any way for me to follow that path without much angst!
I’m so glad HRT is working for you! We should not needlessly suffer when there are safe pharmaceutical options that improve our quality of life!! I will have more limited options when I hit that point as I had a genetic condition where blood clots form when estrogen levels rise. So I had a terrible blood clot at 34 weeks during my pregnancy with Paul. That threw the ‘birth plan’ out the window since his delivery was incredibly medicalized…. I did get through about 7 hours of labor/got to 9” without an epidural and then needed a c section because his heart rate dropped. It was all so complicated since I was on blood thinners for most of my labor – I won’t bore you with the details but it was not what I envisioned but I got a healthy baby boy out of it! Anywho… I am bummed I can’t use estrogen when I hit perimenopause because it is good for women’s hearts and for bone density. But oh well! I lost the gd genetic lottery with my laundry list of issues. Lol. At least there are other drugs on the market now for hot flashes. And I can take progesterone.
I am not leaning into the grays either. I have a kindergartener and I do not want to be mistaken for a grandparent during elementary school. Ha. I get my hair colored and my stylist does something called a ‘money piece’ which means she puts lots of highlights around my forehead/crown of my head so that the gray is less detectable since it blends with the lighter highlights. I have a friend who is going gray but she’s blond so her gray mixes in well and kind of looks like highlights. It’s gorgeous! I think blinds are best able to make that transition to gray!
Blondes absolutely have an easier time of going grey! For me, it’s such a startling contrast between my colour and my roots. It’s not a good look!
Yikes, a c-section while on blood thinners, Lisa! Eeep.
I was one of those women in labor a long time. 18.5 hours and 12.5 hours. Noah was transverse and it ended with a c-section. North was sunny side up, but we managed a VBAC. Pain meds for both, though the epidural only took on one side for Noah.
I am several years past menopause. I did have hot flashes, especially at night, but otherwise I was lucky to have an easy “change,” so no HRT needed.
I have some grey in my hair that’s been slowly increasing since I was forty (I am now 59) but it is still mostly the light brown it’s been since puberty. I have never colored it and am planning to let nature take its course. I like the color of my mom’s hair and I’m assuming that’s what I will get eventually.
I am also a fan of the elastic waist.
Those long labours sound just so daunting. And exhausting!
Elastic waists are the BEST!
First off, look at you on that pull-up! You are a BEAST! That assist is a GREAT gift.
Second, I am so glad that you bought that skirt, size be damned! I find the same thing to be true, I have clothes that span about 4 or 5 sizes. And with jeans I have to go up a size if I want a darker wash. Why are darker wash jeans tighter? If they know that the process makes them so, WHY DON’T THEY CUT THEM BIGGER TO COMPENSATE? Men. (I just know it’s men making these decisions. Don’t argue with me on this, people.)
I’m with Jenny on the HRT. Perimenopause wasn’t hard on me, and I was told (20+ years ago) that it was dangerous, so I never asked when the time came. So here I am at 60, wondering if it might help with my stupid gluteal tendinopathy and other sundry issues. Dr. Appt tomorrow to discuss. I think if you’re older it’s even more important to get some heart related tests, so that’s my homework today, to make sure I know what those are and to ask for them.
J, I know. I know! I have so many different sizes and they all somehow fit. How is that possible? (THE PATRIARCHY). But rare is it that I have such a swing in size from a single brand!
I feel like HRT is supposed to be helpful for cardiac health, but you know what, I’m not a doctor, so…
Also, I’m with you on the birth…I had an epidural, which meant labor was HARD, I didn’t have any build up, it went from 0-60. I don’t like big needles (does anyone?) so I didn’t want an epidural, but I would have taken that fucker in my eye if it would have helped with that transition pain. Like you, I asked and it was too late, which was actually fine with me because at least I knew it was almost over. My labor was pretty short for an epidural labor – 4 hours from start to push, then 15 minutes of pushing. WHEW! The women on my mom’s side of the family all have really quick labors (except one cousin who has REALLY big babies and long labors, and that kind of pain could not go to a better person.)
ACK, I did NOT have an epidural. I was INDUCED. I wish I could edit my comment because it makes no sense. Anyway, in the comment above, when I say EPIDURAL, I mean INDUCED. Pitocin.
This is (hopefully) my last comment on this post.
Hahaha I’m glad you clarified because I was pretty confused. Lololol on your cousin!
OMG I had my first baby with no meds but with #2 I had pitocin. Holy mother of God! 0-60 is right. They gave me some drug which only made me puke. I now tell all mothers “if they say pitocin, you say epidural”.
I’ve heard that about pitocin!
Yay for elastic waistbands. I was in perimenopause/menopause during the time when HRT was considered dangerous, so I was never prescribed it nor did I ask for it. I wish, at the time, someone had looked into the options of low dosage. But alas – women’s issues!
Yes, what a SURPRISE that something that is beneficial to women would be smeared by a bad study, what a SURPRISE. (I feel like we could talk for hours about how the medical community continually fails women)
YES LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF!!!
I recently saw a gyno to suss out whether I should stay on oral contraceptives or switch to HRT. The problem is that in order to make the switch I would have to go off OCs for six months so that they can test my hormones, and given all things it seems like staying on OCs for right now is the best choice. Right now I “only” have crap sleep and low energy, but without the pill I will most likely have worse, and there is no guarantee that HRT will help. I’ll look at HRT if my symptoms get worse or when I’m 55, which is the cutoff age for the pill.
With age comes wisdom, and wise people wear clothes that fit and make them feel and look good. Unwise people look at size labels!
EXACTLY BIRCHIE. The labels are so meaningless, and for so long I attached meaning to them! Ah well, life is but a journey.
Oooh that is a huge conundrum. On the one hand, HRT might help a lot with the energy and sleep – it did for me. On the other hand, SIX MONTHS. I don’t know if I could do that either.
My own mother never even talked to me about getting my period. She merely left a few booklets on the stairs up to my room and later asked, “Did you read those pamphlets I left on your steps?” I said yes (OF COURSE I READ THEM; I READ EVERY SINGLE THING I COULD GET MY HANDS ON), and that was the end of it.
I’m so glad you got HRT for your awful symptoms. Do not get me started on how long it took for that study to be reinterpreted so that it could happen.
I greatly admire your disinterest in women’s sizing. I want very much to be in that headspace, and your encouragement is so helpful.
My disinterest in sizing is a relatively new thing, I feel like it was a HUGE act of acceptance but once I jumped that hurdle, I feel good about it. However. I am not going to lie, it was a journey to get here.
I am nodding along about the pamphlets, I feel like this was a whole generational thing!
LOVE that there is so much more information out there and women are talking openly about menopause, childbirth, sex, allthethings my mom and her friends most certainly do not talk about and she is still a little weird talking about with me. I’m in my mid-40s and not in perimenopause yet so I am super grateful for this information to see how women like you are killing it in all ways. Feeling confident as I age is amazing!
Hi Kat!! Welcome! I’m so glad you are joining the conversation. I feel like there is no benefit in NOT talking about it. After all, we all go through these things!
You’re giving me FOMO about HRT, Nicole! Everyone I know seems to be on them. I’m over a decade past menopause, so I don’t have the discomforts, but WHAT IF it is necessary for my cognitive health? I saw a study recently that said over 2/3rds of Alzheimer’s patients are women, but the studies are (no surprise) androcentric and don’t take into account estrogen deficits.
A decade!!! Wowza. Aunt Flo is still visiting with startling regularity around here. Do I need this reminder of fertility, no I do not.
But I will say my cognitive function improved massively on taking it, which is good, because I was starting to get worried. OF COURSE the studies are androcentric, WHAT ELSE IS NEW GAHHHH.
You know who else doesn’t talk about these things? Men. I’ve never felt more out of place reading a blog, lol…
Carry on as you were. 🙂
Hahaha but I appreciate you chiming in!
yessssssssssss. Racing heart didn’t bother me. Anxiety was fine. Hot flashes were ok– but INSOMNIA is where I threw in the towel. TGF hormones. My goodness.
Insomnia is the worst, and it’s just a spiral effect for everything else!
I had to LOL at your male readership comment! Girl, I hear you on all counts and get ready for a rant. I was one of those who thought I sailed through it all. No weight gain, no hot flashes, not many mood swings. I felt great overall. Then a year after menopause, I end up being diagnosed with: hypothyroidism, osteoporosis, kidney stone, breast calcifications requiring biopsies, and Meibomian Gland Disorder, along with UTI’s which were new for me. I was convinced that it was all inner related and due to menopause and lack of hormones. And was DENIED any form of HRT by my general practitioner, endocrinologist, and ob/gyn. In fact, they acted horrified that I would even request it, telling me it was highly discouraged due to cancer risks. And these were all female doctors! Despite all the new research easily found online that the study where that idea originated was faulty.
Finally, last November, my ob/gyn prescribed me Estradiol when the FDA removed the black box warning. And I’m still hearing that many women are being denied these life-saving hormones, but doctors are more than happy to prescribe GLP-1. Make it make sense!
Testing as my first comment disappeared.
Tried again and my longer comment is gone??
Gah, stupid WP sent it to spam. All fixed now!
I’ll try again . . . I had to LOL at your male readership! Now, here’s my rant:
I made it through peri and menopause without any hot flashes, weight gain, etc. Then, a year after final period, I was diagnosed with: hypothyroidism, osteoporosis, kidney stone, breast calcifications (requiring biopsies), pre-diabetes, and Meibomian Gland Disorder. Wouldn’t a normal person think this is somehow all related to the fact that I just went through ‘the change’?? I questioned my PCP, endocrinologist, and OB/GYN about the need for HRT and they all acted horrified and said I’d be at a risk for cancer (no direct family history, mind you). I felt like I was being gaslit because they all acted like this was just the normal aging process!!!???
Then last November, when the FDA removed the black box warning, my OB/GYN prescribed Estradiol for me. After decades of women being refused because of one faulty study. Plenty of women are still being refused any form of life-saving HRT, but doctors happily hand out prescriptions for GLP1. Make it make sense!
Oh gosh, what an ordeal. I am climbing up on the soapbox to say that it DOES NOT make sense, and that historically medical research has just absolutely failed women in every way. In some ways it seems like it’s purposefully bad, like that one flawed study. That is absolutely not the normal aging process, and I’m so sorry you had gone/ are going through all that!
I’ve been on HRT for a year and TFG! I sleep again, I have patience, I can deal with teenage kids, I have energy. I feel much more like me!
A new study actually came out recently, showing that HRT reduces risk of Alzheimer and dementia for women by around 16%, but if I remember correctly they studied women who started HRT in perimenopause, so more data is still needed.
HRT is also useful for heart health, because estrogen prevents plaque in your arteries building up. You do have to be careful taking it afterwards, as, if you do have plaque build up, there is a risk that the plaque loosens and tears the artery. Not what one wants so a check up beforehand might be a good idea.
(Also, yes to the medication during delivery! I was hoping to get through without, but then had to get induced and after 12 hours I needed more than paracetamol. And when things didn’t progress and they got me oxitocin I asked for an epidural. The labour part was 8 hours and then another 2 hours to push a back to back boy out. Labour was definitely a labour of love!)
Oh my goodness, two hours of pushing. TWO HOURS!!! That’s so much pushing!
Thank you so much for all this good info about HRT! I’m so happy to be on it, I feel so great, and the thought that it is doing good things for my body and brain – so much the better!
Nicole, you are beautiful inside and out! I love how open you are about everything. Aging is an interesting journey. I have enjoyed many things about menopause, number one being no more severe mood swings. I had awful PMS before. And no periods is such a wonderful thing! But an unfair tradeoff is that I used to sleep blissfully, and now, not so much. I didn’t have many hot flashes, so I didn’t think I needed HRT – but maybe I did!
Oh thank you Michelle! Aging certainly is an interesting journey. Who knew there was so much chin hair involved? I’m sorry about your sleep, that really sucks 🙁
For the gray roots (I am not willing to let of my red either.), I use L’Oreal’s Root Cover-up Spray. I actually use the Dark Brown not the red. But it works great at covering the gray between washes AND it adds a little texture and lift which I need for my thinning hair too.
I have no idea why it says my husband is also responding, some weird auto-fill happened. 🙂
Hahaha, Bruce chiming in on the perimenopause post!
You know what, maybe I should try the brown. I’ve tried the red and it looked so bad! But I think I just had the wrong colour. Okay, putting that on my shopping list!
I am of the generation that missed out on HRT due to that one lousy study. It verboten so we were left with night sweats, hot flashes and bone density loss. I was fortunate that I never had mood issues. I agree, women’s sizing is ridiculous. Meanwhile for men if it’s waist 36…it’s waist 36!
I know, for men it’s so straightforward! Meanwhile, for us, it could be any number or size!
I cannot wait to get through perimenopause. I know you can still have symptoms for an umber of years afterwards, but I’m pretty sure my migraines are triggered by hormonal fluctuations, and when they get “disordered”, it is not fun. I’ve been on HRT for about 18 months now. It has really helped with my mood and fatigue.
When I was at uni I was 51kg and wearing a size 10, now I’m wearing size 8 jeans (aussie sizes). I figure that, as the general population has got bigger here, the clothing companies have gradually made their sizes smaller. I don’t even remember there being size 6 when I was at uni. Of course lululemon has their own special sizing and then we have European sizing sometimes too.
Hair I went blonder to blend the greys because having dye on my scalp makes me itch and with foils I don’t have that problem.
It’s too bad the HRT doesn’t help with the migraines, Melissa! That sounds terrible!
I know, sizing is crazy. When I was a teenager and then in university, there was no such thing as a size 00 but here we are!
I’m happily on HRT too! Not because I had many symptoms (apart from hot flushes), but because my doctor suggested I try it and see if I noticed a difference. I did, and I’ve never looked back. It has made a HUGE difference: more energy, better sleep and a much more stable mood.
And sometimes I wonder about men. Don’t they experience hormonal changes too? Why don’t we hear nearly as much about HRT for men? Are they still stuck in our grandmothers’ generation when it comes to talking about this stuff? 😂
Yes I do think men have a drop of testosterone as they age!
The energy change from HRT is remarkable – I am so happy with it!
I am so glad to hear that it’s working well for you Nicole. I’m with you, I tend to avoid medical intervention if I can cope with nature measures, but i think sometimes it’s actually nice to benefit from modern medicine. And thanks for sharing it too, it really helps to normalize the topic.
Hi Coco, I know what you mean – there’s a balance to be struck, I think, between medicating everything and not suffering through. I’m happy with this current balance!
WOOT! So very glad that you are having such success with HRT. Thank goodness! Also you are gorgeous and your hair is glorious. I need your bun secrets, please. How do you get it be so large and perfect???? My hair is currently at the stage of Noticeable Chunks of Grey Along My Part, which is very tiresome. I should really be getting my hair colored every month, but I cannot stomach the cost. And I CANNOT FIGURE OUT how to dye it myself at home — I tried, during the height of the pandemic, and it was a stressful disaster.
I will happily give you my bun secret. It involves bobby pins! So I put my hair in a ponytail and at the last loop in my hair tie I leave the ends still in the ponytail (does that make sense?). Then I bobby pin it into shape – and that’s it. I pin it up around the top, so I’m taking this weird truncated ponytail and making it into a bun at the top, and then I pin it around the bottom. Usually I use 4-5 pins, you might need more as you have longer/ thicker hair!
I hear you on the hair. I didn’t revert to my natural silver till Covid came. Well, after (you don’t want to see how I looked during Covid; it was downright frightening!). I’m glad things are going well for you. I don’t remember doing HRT but I also don’t remember having symptoms, either, except the occasional night sweat. Maybe I was just lucky.
That is definitely lucky! And your hair looks great so the grow out was worth it!
I got an epidural with my daughter at about 7mm, with my son, however, a second baby, I was in labor and asked for an epidural. The anesthesiologist goes “sure, I’ll be right there.” That is hospital terms mean “you need to wait about 20 minutes or more.” I feel the urge to poop, I go to the bathroom, I sit on the toilet. I try to poop. I feel something move in me. I realize I’m actually giving birth, so I go on all fours. My son is born in the bathroom floor of the hospital.
A while after, the anesthesiologist comes in and goes “do you still need epidural?” Errr no
And now, look at me… I am in perimenopause and on HRT as well. A patch on my butt and progesterone at night. My struggles were with moods. I don’t see a major difference YET but I heard it takes a while.
Daria! The nurse said to me “tell me if you feel like you have to poop” because that was code for “you are having a baby right now!”
Wow, what a dramatic birth story! Yikes, and also, what a stupid anesthesiologist!
I didn’t really have the mood swings, other than crying at Costco, so I can’t speak to that, but everything else has been great!
Nicole, as always, you turn something that can be kind of awful into something to giggle at. I also love that we are both in the same generation, so when you bring up St Ives Apricot Scrub, I immediately remember frantically trying to scrub away pimples (or cover them up badly with the wrong colored concealer if that didn’t work) in my teens. That skirt is cute, and I HATE how different sizing is; it can make you feel fat, awkward and inadequate. Even if it does fit, sometimes the next week it doesn’t, so our bodies and the clothing are both working against us. Sigh. I tend to stick mostly towards stretchy things as they travel well (I took jeans to France but barely wore them!) and feel good, and also help alleviate the need to shop for clothing often, which I don’t enjoy.
I agree, stretchy things are the best things (jeans to France! That feels aspirational to me!). But seriously, WHY does sizing work like that?
Gosh, RIP our skin for all those terrible things we did to it – apricot scrub! Whoever thought that was a good idea? (all of us!)
I love this post and also everyone sharing! Epidural girl here, and one husband who started passing out at the sight of the needle and how hard a time they had getting it in the right place in my back. Yikes!
I haven’t done HRT except in the ‘private area’ and convinced myself I got instant migraines from just that small amount. I haven’t done HRT another perscription for Estrogen in my cupboard, and when I read how helpful people have found it for energy and cognition I think I need to rethink my decisions and chat with the doctor again!
*raises eyebrows* I did wonder about that kind of estrogen in the old honeypot. I can’t speak to migraines as I don’t get them, but I would say it’s worth looking into. It has made a world of difference for me!
I left a very lengthy comment, then forgot to hit send, then lost it all. Basically, I said that HRT has been so helpful to me, but apparently maybe I need more since I just did *that* 🤣 Also, the other day, I was looking at a plate of Brussels sprouts and, for the life of me, could not remember what they were called. I was all, wait, is IT HAPPENING now? And after you read my next post, you’ll also wonder what is happening with your friend Suz.
What a time to be alive; we can talk about ANYTHING and everything, and we learn so much from our peers, and now you know I might be losing it.
To comment on Anna above: Along with an estrogen patch and testosterone cream, I use estradiol inserts; they help with dryness and are excellent at warding off UTI infections. I’m not prone to UTI’s, but they can be deadly for women as we age because severe or untreated infections can become fatal in older adults primarily by escalating into sepsis, with little warning—if you can believe that. Sadly, this is what happened to my 96 year old G’ma. I’ve not had one side effect from either estrogen assist, only positives. Hopefully Anna can find something that works for her.
You are a beautiful beast—love seeing you hanging there using all your muscles–booyah!
Sizes in women’s clothes are ridiculous. I can wear a four to a ten in any given brand.
I use that same Tarte CC cream—although I do like a little glow, so I use a cream blush (clinique) that has a little sparkle to it, cause you know I need to shine all the damn time.
I feel somewhat fortunate that my hair is lighter, and therefor the grays are mostly subtle…at least for now, but lord knows I’d love more hair ON my head and less on my upper lip thank you very much.
I love your hair color and the wrap is so cute; reminds me of The Girl With The Pearl Earring. 🤩
Thank You Suz for the info!! Going to give it a whirl. And yes, UTI’s are very serious for older people and can also cause psychosis, so it’s good to prevent if we can!
Anna, at the end of my Grandmother’s life, she went completely nuts and we had no idea it was from the UTI. The sweetest woman in my life, who never said anything bad to me, was saying the most insane things, and it really hurt my heart. I wish I had known then, what I know now and I would have helped her make better health decisions. Best of luck to you, my friend.
Wow, I had no idea that it could lead to psychosis! How awful, and I’m so sorry, Suz!
I left a very lengthy comment, then forgot to hit send, then lost it all. Basically, I said that HRT has been so helpful to me, but apparently maybe I need more since I just did *that* 🤣 Also, the other day, I was looking at a plate of Brussels sprouts and, for the life of me, could not remember what they were called. I was all, wait, is IT HAPPENING now? And after you read my next post, you’ll also wonder what is happening with your friend Suz.
What a time to be alive; we can talk about ANYTHING and everything, and we learn so much from our peers, and now you know I might be losing it.
To comment on Anna above: Along with an estrogen patch and testosterone cream, I use estradiol inserts; they help with dryness and are excellent at warding off UTI infections. I’m not prone to UTI’s, but they can be deadly for women as we age because severe or untreated infections can become fatal in older adults primarily by escalating into sepsis, with little warning—if you can believe that. Sadly, this is what happened to my 96 year old G’ma. I’ve not had one side effect from either estrogen assist, only positives. Hopefully Anna can find something that works for her.
You are a beautiful beast—love seeing you hanging there using all your muscles–booyah!
Sizes in women’s clothes are ridiculous. I can wear a four to a ten in any given brand.
I use that same Tarte CC cream—although I do like a little glow, so I use a cream blush (Clinique) that has a little sparkle to it, cause you know I need to shine all the damn time.
I feel somewhat fortunate that my hair is lighter, and therefore the grays are mostly subtle…at least for now, but lord knows I’d love more hair ON my head and less on my upper lip, thank you very much.
I love your hair color, and the wrap is so cute; it reminds me of The Girl With The Pearl Earring. 🤩
Girl, you’re not losing it. Or if you are we are losing it together!
OMG yes, I would love to have less hair on my face in general, if it wasn’t for plucking and magnifying mirrors, I would look like Magnum PI crossed with ZZ Top.
THANK YOU for the info re: UTI’s! I knew they could be harmful but I had no idea HOW harmful. Eeep. Thanks so much for telling us about it!
Louder for those at the back! Let’s talk about women taboo topics, woo!!
By the way, when I tell you I ran to my progesterone tablets to see if I’d missed an instruction from the doc they should be taken at night, and nope, it just said the same time every day. I had no idea it’s recommended to be taken at night, doh! I’m going to swap that up and see if that helps somehow with all the bleeding I’ve got going on, but I’m super excited to hear from the surgeon and hopefully get the thumbs up for an ablation.
My labour story highlights are that I was induced, had an epidural, followed by an epidural booster, followed by rushed in for an emergency c-section. Turns out when my adrenalin is high I have the super power of being able to block pain relief *sad flex. The epidural didn’t kick in until after they had to give me a general, meaning I was asleep when my son was born. My husband said it was a pretty hairy situation and that there was a real risk I was going to die, but eh, I was asleep, so I’m pretty fine with it all *giggle.
Seriously though, love that you’ve shared this post, and love that we’re changing the norm of people not talking about this stuff. It’s why I’m posting about my situation, and why I wrote about my bad labour story, my struggles with an eating disorder and post-natal, and why I overshare in general. It’s so important for women to realise they’re not alone, and there’s no shame. So thank you for sharing your story, and sorry for my novel in your comments! x
Never apologize for a novel-length comment, I live for them!!
I truly think we are all better off when we are honest and share with each other. It helps us to feel less alone! After all, we are all in it together!
I love this whole post, Nicole. I think you’re so right that our generation is finally talking openly about all of this in a way our mothers and grandmothers never did. There is something really powerful about realizing we don’t have to quietly suffer through all of these changes or pretend they aren’t happening.
Also, the clothing-size story was so good. I love the idea of refusing to give a number on a tag any more power than it deserves. Younger us could have used that wisdom.
Such a fun, informative, and very relatable post. I’m so glad we’re all talking about this stuff now. 💜
Thank you so much, my friend! I feel like the suffering eases when we can talk about it, and it also helps us to be less alone. It’s kind of embarrassing to talk about some things – incontinence, chin hairs, sweating, worries the old vag is actually shrivelling up – but then we realize that it’s all of us, and we are all going through it together, and it takes the shame out of it. Because come on, shame is so passe!
I appreciate this post so much, Nicole. I am lucky to say that I don’t (think I) have a many classic perimenopause symptoms (YET?) but I am wondering if my racing heart and dizziness are related… and I am absolutely thankful that women can talk about this now and commiserate and most importantly get help (although it still a field that should be HIGHLY researched. Can you imagine how far we would be if men had hot flashes and night sweats?)
Anyway, addressing these things that pop up in midlife for many women is so important. I love that HRT has done such wonders for you in terms of sleep, stamina and output power! And look at you doing the (assisted) pull up! (It’s on my list of goals to tackle!) I am mastering on my feet push ups first LOL
You keep talking about Nutrafol and I still haven’t pulled the trigger, although I want to. I am also contemplating on what to do with the greys that are coming in…. I’ve been using semipermanent color options when needed and I only get single strays so far, so maybe it would be a good time to just let nature go its course before I have all over grey roots? I’ve seen some beautiful women on IG who have naturally transitioned to grey hair (yes, including the akward two-color phase) and I want to be that cool!
P.S. I am also a fan of matte skin. I am using a tinted hydration foundation and I am a bit fan of the 5-in-1 Wet’n’Wild Primer + Finish Powder.
San, I had racing heart – I always have dizziness, because of low blood pressure, so probably that’s unrelated – but racing heart and elevated RHR until I went on HRT. If I were you, and just had little strands of grey coming in, I’d just let it go. I cannot imagine how I’m going to get through the “growing out roots” stage, but if I was only going grey now, as opposed to 20 years ago, it would have been so much easier! You’re smart to use semipermanent colour only, it will make the transition so much easier.