It occurred to me recently that Gen X women are the first generation to really talk freely about perimenopause and menopause, just like we were the first generation to talk about the agony and ecstasy of parenting via “mommy blogs.” There were probably some exceptions but it seems to me that our mothers’ generation kept those experiences to themselves. And our grandmothers’ generation? Forget about it. No one wanted to talk about The Change, just like no one wanted to admit that they coloured their hair, IF they coloured their hair. My maternal grandma, at my age, had short steel-grey hair and wore housedresses and no makeup. I feel fairly confident she wasn’t chatting casually about vaginal dryness.
My feeling is that everything is easier when it is shared, and also there is no such thing as too much information. Today I will be talking about my Favourite Things when it comes to managing this sweaty, roller coaster-y stage of life. We are in this together, ladies! I also hope my three male readers enjoy the ride.
Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Perimenopause Edition
HRT for Me
When I was in prenatal class with my first pregnancy, I was assigned a “birth plan” to create. I remember clearly that my “plan,” such as it was, would be to try to avoid an epidural or other drugs, but I wasn’t opposed to them if needed. I had never had a baby before, so I didn’t know if I would want them or not. And indeed, I did have not one but two drug-free births, but during the first one, I started screaming I can’t do it anymore, I need the drugs!, at which point the nurse told me I was nine and half centimetres dilated, it was too late, no drugs for me. The second time around was even faster, and so I never asked for any. Plus I felt like an old pro by that time, as my babies were born less than eighteen months apart, and the vag wasn’t what it once was, if you know what I’m saying.
I have always found it a little distasteful when there is smugness involved in anything birth and parenting related, because the wheel of fortune is undiscerning. My labours were four and two hours long, respectively, but if I was a woman who was in labour for many hours or even days, I would absolutely have had drugs.
I had the same feeling about hormone replacement treatment for perimenopause, namely that I would consider it if I ever felt that I needed to. And for years I didn’t need to; for the longest time, I thought not right now, I can manage without, it’s not so bad, until last April. Last April, things became unmanageable. Suddenly I was unable to get restorative sleep, I was exhausted all the time, my whole body thrummed with fatigue and, oddly, an elevated heartrate. I was having hot flashes and night sweats constantly, and I just could not cope. I didn’t want to cope. My doctor, a brilliant and progressive young woman, immediately prescribed a low dose oral estrogen and progesterone protocol. When I went to the pharmacy to pick it up, the pharmacist explained that the estrogen would help with the hot flashes and the progesterone would help me sleep. Friends, I was so tired that I just burst into relieved tears, right there at the Costco pharmacy. The pharmacist smiled knowingly. The estrogen will help with the mood swings too.
I cannot begin to explain how life-changing this has been for me. In the way that you can’t tell how bad something is until you’re out of it, I realized I was on an energetic downward trajectory for MONTHS, and now I feel like my old self again. I wake up feeling restored and refreshed, my body doesn’t ache, my plantar fasciitis cleared up completely, and I have had not ONE incident of hot flashes or night sweats. My energy is great, I feel good, my cognitive function is such that I’m not wondering if I’m slowly losing my mind. Prior to HRT I was forgetting words like “lunch.” THANK GOD FOR MODERN MEDICINE.
Ritual Stacking
I never forget to take my medication, vitamins, or supplements because I always tie them to something else. I take most things with my breakfast and lunch, but progesterone needs to be taken at night. I keep this mug that my friend Joy gave me (HI JOY) next to my bathroom sink; I tie the progesterone to my nighttime flossing and brushing routine. The mug makes me smile every day, and it feels like a call-out to all us Peri Bitches.
BEAST MODE
I bought you a present! my husband said, and I excitedly bustled over to see what it was.
Some people might not be super excited about a pull-up assist, but I sure was. We are all supposed to be working on strength to counteract age-and-hormone related loss of muscle mass and to improve bone density, and I do, but wow, is it boring. I grimly do my weight training routine with as much joy as I do the vacuuming: I like the end result but it’s just another chore in the day to get there. However, I will say that this pull-up assist is SO much fun. I feel like an absolute beast.
Look at me go! I find it very satisfying that eighteen months ago I could only hang, straight-armed, for a count of ten, and now I can do pull-ups with only the lowest-level of assistance. Maybe one day I will be able to do them totally unassisted! But even if not, it is the journey, not the destination, life is a highway, etcetera.
Roll Out The Welcome Matte
If you are a Gen X woman, then you will surely remember the days of using St Ives Apricot Scrub followed by Sea Breeze toner and Cover Girl matte foundation and pressed powder. We valued a matte face, let’s put it that way, and I still do. I hate the feeling of my face being dewy and shiny; I wear pressed powder every single day and have since I first started wearing makeup. The problem is that once a woman reaches a certain age, a matte look can exacerbate certain lines and wrinkles. How to balance the two?
I absolutely love Tarte BB Blur tinted moisturizer, which provides much-needed moisture without a ton of shine. It purports to have SPF, but it doesn’t say that on the tube, and so I apply it overtop my Neutrogena Face Serum Sunscreen.
It’s still dewier than I like, so I have been following it up with Tower 28 pressed powder; I had seen this powder highly recommended, and I will tell you it is worth the extra expense. It gives a matte finish that lasts all day, without any need for touch-ups.
It also doesn’t collect in little lines and crevices, which is an important consideration for me.
Wrap It Up
I am just not ready to embrace my natural hair colour, which is white and grey. For one thing, to go au naturel would be quite the undertaking: I would have to live with increasingly longer white and grey roots with increasingly fading red ends, or I would have to cut my hair super short and just let it be white and grey, or I would have to have my colour stripped out and then somehow allow my stripped hair to blend in with the white and grey. None of these options appeal.
I usually wear my hair in a bun if I’m on my third day of the three-day wash cycle, and for the last ten days before colouring my roots are pretty noticeable. Enter the hair wrap!
I just got this new one from Scrummy Scrunchies on Etsy; it’s nice and long and I can loop it around my head a few times or let it hang down my back in a bohemian kind of way.
In addition to covering up the roots, it also covers up thinner spots. I know, no one wants to talk about thinning hair, but it happens to the best of us. The feminine mystique takes a bit of a beating during perimenopause; our skin changes, our temperatures change, we sweat more, our periods are all over the place, our vaginas dry up, our waistlines expand, we sprout moustaches and chin hairs, and OUR HAIR STARTS TO FALL OUT. I will give another plug for Nutrafol (I WISH I was sponsored, alas, I am not), which I have been taking religiously since November 2022, and which has made a significant difference in my hair density. At one point, I was actually worried I was going to go bald. My Calgary doctor – A MAN – dismissed my hair loss concerns and said to me flippantly “How many bald women do you see, really?” To which I informed him that actually, my paternal grandmother had to wear a wig because her hair fell out, DO NOT GASLIGHT ME ABOUT MY HAIR, DOCTOR.
Anyway. Nutrafol has worked wonders but the thing about a hair growth supplement is that one’s roots become en evidence much quicker. Well, I can’t simultaneously complain about rapidly-appearing roots from hair growth while taking a hair growth supplement.
Outfit of the Month
I have a tale to tell about this skirt. I was in the market for a summer skirt that was more structured than my usual, and this one from Lululemon seemed to fit the bill. It is the perfect length, it is made of a stiffer material than my athletic skirts, it has a side zipper for a sleek silhouette, it has shorts attached underneath, and it has pockets! Perfection! The reviews online indicated that it fit smaller than usual, and since half my wardrobe is from Lululemon, I very confidently ordered it one size up.
When it arrived, I could not do up the zipper. Well, that’s not true. I was able to do up the zipper, but it involved massive sucking in. Also, I ended up zipping the skin of my waist into the zipper, which was a painful insult-to-injury situation.
I know what you’re thinking, because I was thinking the same thing. Did I changed sizes? I wondered euphemistically. I tried on my very fitted, structured Lululemon pants that involve buttons and zippers, but mysteriously, they fit perfectly. I tried on my jeans, and it was the same thing. It soon became evident that it was not me, it was the skirt, and so I took it back to the store and did what I should have done in the first place, which was to try it on.
And I ended up going up THREE sizes.
I mention this to illustrate that women’s clothing sizes are a joke. We tie so much of ourselves to a certain size – or weight – and then we feel badly when things don’t line up. But those numbers are just numbers. Those numbers are not US. A different number is not some kind of moral failing and it doesn’t say anything about us as a person. All the clothes in my closet fit perfectly, and there are many different sizes involved, depending on the store or brand. I will say that I felt a bit taken aback, going up three sizes for a skirt, and Younger Nicole might not have bought the skirt at all. Wouldn’t that be a shame! Forgoing something so cute for a stupid metric like a clothing size, and in any case, Lululemon tags are designed to be ripped out.
Sandals are from Skechers – comfortable shoes are a must at this stage of the game – and the top is an old one from the Gap.
The thing about perimenopause is that I feel lucky to experience it. Some women don’t make it this far! And the truth is that although some parts of it are absolutely unpleasant, we live in an age where we can talk about it, and there are medical interventions that can help with the really bothersome symptoms. I’m so happy to have a good and open doctor, I am so happy to have access to HRT, and I’m thrilled to live in a world where there are cosmetics, hair colour, and elastic waistbands. xo
Ha, yes our grandmothers were not talking about these things! Same as we didn’t talk about out periods when we were younger, but now girls talk openly about it.
I never tried HRT, because perimenopause wasn’t “that bad” for me. But now I’m wondering if some of the things I’m dealing with could have been addressed by HRT, and I’m also wondering if it’s too late for me to try it. That would probably be a discussion for my gynecologist, and it would be easier to have that discussion if I actually had a gynecologist (long story). I guess I need to do some research.
But- you’re right. We’re LUCKY that we get to experience this. And we’re lucky that there are solutions and that we can talk about it.
Love the skirt story- yes, that would have really thrown me off at a younger age! But it’s as you say- tags are designed to be ripped out.
I mean, I have no medical background BUT HRT is supposed to be beneficial in terms of bone density, which is an important consideration for the both of us. I have no idea if it works after menopause, but it’s worth talking to a doctor about at least!
I think social media, in general, is openeing up the field for talking about women’s stuff. At 58, I only have a few greys but when I get more, I’m not afraid to go all in. I love the look of pretty, grey hair! ..but you’re right. It IS a process!
Oh gosh, I have been completely grey for so long now – twenty years or so! I went grey young so have been colouring forever, and now it feels like it’s going to be a process NOT to colour. I have friends who have gorgeous grey hair, but I just don’t see any way for me to follow that path without much angst!
I’m so glad HRT is working for you! We should not needlessly suffer when there are safe pharmaceutical options that improve our quality of life!! I will have more limited options when I hit that point as I had a genetic condition where blood clots form when estrogen levels rise. So I had a terrible blood clot at 34 weeks during my pregnancy with Paul. That threw the ‘birth plan’ out the window since his delivery was incredibly medicalized…. I did get through about 7 hours of labor/got to 9” without an epidural and then needed a c section because his heart rate dropped. It was all so complicated since I was on blood thinners for most of my labor – I won’t bore you with the details but it was not what I envisioned but I got a healthy baby boy out of it! Anywho… I am bummed I can’t use estrogen when I hit perimenopause because it is good for women’s hearts and for bone density. But oh well! I lost the gd genetic lottery with my laundry list of issues. Lol. At least there are other drugs on the market now for hot flashes. And I can take progesterone.
I am not leaning into the grays either. I have a kindergartener and I do not want to be mistaken for a grandparent during elementary school. Ha. I get my hair colored and my stylist does something called a ‘money piece’ which means she puts lots of highlights around my forehead/crown of my head so that the gray is less detectable since it blends with the lighter highlights. I have a friend who is going gray but she’s blond so her gray mixes in well and kind of looks like highlights. It’s gorgeous! I think blinds are best able to make that transition to gray!
Blondes absolutely have an easier time of going grey! For me, it’s such a startling contrast between my colour and my roots. It’s not a good look!
Yikes, a c-section while on blood thinners, Lisa! Eeep.
I was one of those women in labor a long time. 18.5 hours and 12.5 hours. Noah was transverse and it ended with a c-section. North was sunny side up, but we managed a VBAC. Pain meds for both, though the epidural only took on one side for Noah.
I am several years past menopause. I did have hot flashes, especially at night, but otherwise I was lucky to have an easy “change,” so no HRT needed.
I have some grey in my hair that’s been slowly increasing since I was forty (I am now 59) but it is still mostly the light brown it’s been since puberty. I have never colored it and am planning to let nature take its course. I like the color of my mom’s hair and I’m assuming that’s what I will get eventually.
I am also a fan of the elastic waist.
Those long labours sound just so daunting. And exhausting!
Elastic waists are the BEST!
First off, look at you on that pull-up! You are a BEAST! That assist is a GREAT gift.
Second, I am so glad that you bought that skirt, size be damned! I find the same thing to be true, I have clothes that span about 4 or 5 sizes. And with jeans I have to go up a size if I want a darker wash. Why are darker wash jeans tighter? If they know that the process makes them so, WHY DON’T THEY CUT THEM BIGGER TO COMPENSATE? Men. (I just know it’s men making these decisions. Don’t argue with me on this, people.)
I’m with Jenny on the HRT. Perimenopause wasn’t hard on me, and I was told (20+ years ago) that it was dangerous, so I never asked when the time came. So here I am at 60, wondering if it might help with my stupid gluteal tendinopathy and other sundry issues. Dr. Appt tomorrow to discuss. I think if you’re older it’s even more important to get some heart related tests, so that’s my homework today, to make sure I know what those are and to ask for them.
J, I know. I know! I have so many different sizes and they all somehow fit. How is that possible? (THE PATRIARCHY). But rare is it that I have such a swing in size from a single brand!
I feel like HRT is supposed to be helpful for cardiac health, but you know what, I’m not a doctor, so…
Also, I’m with you on the birth…I had an epidural, which meant labor was HARD, I didn’t have any build up, it went from 0-60. I don’t like big needles (does anyone?) so I didn’t want an epidural, but I would have taken that fucker in my eye if it would have helped with that transition pain. Like you, I asked and it was too late, which was actually fine with me because at least I knew it was almost over. My labor was pretty short for an epidural labor – 4 hours from start to push, then 15 minutes of pushing. WHEW! The women on my mom’s side of the family all have really quick labors (except one cousin who has REALLY big babies and long labors, and that kind of pain could not go to a better person.)
ACK, I did NOT have an epidural. I was INDUCED. I wish I could edit my comment because it makes no sense. Anyway, in the comment above, when I say EPIDURAL, I mean INDUCED. Pitocin.
This is (hopefully) my last comment on this post.
Hahaha I’m glad you clarified because I was pretty confused. Lololol on your cousin!
Yay for elastic waistbands. I was in perimenopause/menopause during the time when HRT was considered dangerous, so I was never prescribed it nor did I ask for it. I wish, at the time, someone had looked into the options of low dosage. But alas – women’s issues!
Yes, what a SURPRISE that something that is beneficial to women would be smeared by a bad study, what a SURPRISE. (I feel like we could talk for hours about how the medical community continually fails women)
YES LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF!!!
I recently saw a gyno to suss out whether I should stay on oral contraceptives or switch to HRT. The problem is that in order to make the switch I would have to go off OCs for six months so that they can test my hormones, and given all things it seems like staying on OCs for right now is the best choice. Right now I “only” have crap sleep and low energy, but without the pill I will most likely have worse, and there is no guarantee that HRT will help. I’ll look at HRT if my symptoms get worse or when I’m 55, which is the cutoff age for the pill.
With age comes wisdom, and wise people wear clothes that fit and make them feel and look good. Unwise people look at size labels!
EXACTLY BIRCHIE. The labels are so meaningless, and for so long I attached meaning to them! Ah well, life is but a journey.
Oooh that is a huge conundrum. On the one hand, HRT might help a lot with the energy and sleep – it did for me. On the other hand, SIX MONTHS. I don’t know if I could do that either.
My own mother never even talked to me about getting my period. She merely left a few booklets on the stairs up to my room and later asked, “Did you read those pamphlets I left on your steps?” I said yes (OF COURSE I READ THEM; I READ EVERY SINGLE THING I COULD GET MY HANDS ON), and that was the end of it.
I’m so glad you got HRT for your awful symptoms. Do not get me started on how long it took for that study to be reinterpreted so that it could happen.
I greatly admire your disinterest in women’s sizing. I want very much to be in that headspace, and your encouragement is so helpful.
My disinterest in sizing is a relatively new thing, I feel like it was a HUGE act of acceptance but once I jumped that hurdle, I feel good about it. However. I am not going to lie, it was a journey to get here.
I am nodding along about the pamphlets, I feel like this was a whole generational thing!
LOVE that there is so much more information out there and women are talking openly about menopause, childbirth, sex, allthethings my mom and her friends most certainly do not talk about and she is still a little weird talking about with me. I’m in my mid-40s and not in perimenopause yet so I am super grateful for this information to see how women like you are killing it in all ways. Feeling confident as I age is amazing!
Hi Kat!! Welcome! I’m so glad you are joining the conversation. I feel like there is no benefit in NOT talking about it. After all, we all go through these things!
You’re giving me FOMO about HRT, Nicole! Everyone I know seems to be on them. I’m over a decade past menopause, so I don’t have the discomforts, but WHAT IF it is necessary for my cognitive health? I saw a study recently that said over 2/3rds of Alzheimer’s patients are women, but the studies are (no surprise) androcentric and don’t take into account estrogen deficits.
A decade!!! Wowza. Aunt Flo is still visiting with startling regularity around here. Do I need this reminder of fertility, no I do not.
But I will say my cognitive function improved massively on taking it, which is good, because I was starting to get worried. OF COURSE the studies are androcentric, WHAT ELSE IS NEW GAHHHH.
You know who else doesn’t talk about these things? Men. I’ve never felt more out of place reading a blog, lol…
Carry on as you were. 🙂
Hahaha but I appreciate you chiming in!
yessssssssssss. Racing heart didn’t bother me. Anxiety was fine. Hot flashes were ok– but INSOMNIA is where I threw in the towel. TGF hormones. My goodness.