Whenever I think I’m really losing it, I turn to the lovely people of the internet. I adore you all, you t-shirt piling, grocery bag packing, towel straightening, list writing people, you. As soon as I finished that last post, I broke a nail, then spent 15 minutes carefully filing down all my other nails so that they would all be the same length. I feel that this is something you need to know about me.

My goodness, I’ve been a busy bee this week, and not just because of broken nails. Part of my busyness has to do with my School Council/ Parent Association duties. It appears I am going to be chairing for a fourth year, and I have been humming the tune of One Day More over and over, but mentally replacing “day” with “year”. I really have no further comment.

I’m never too busy to take a Buzzfeed quiz, though, and today I discovered that the superhero I should “hook up with” is Batman. Good to know that Buzzfeed quizzes are an accurate reflection of our world.

“Bruce Wayne is a total mess on a psychological level, but he’s committed to total mental and physical perfection and one must assume that carries over to sex. Also, he’s got to be into some really weird stuff, right? That could be interesting.”

What did we do before Buzzfeed quizzes? I guess we did the regular ones you would find in Cosmo, “What kind of girlfriend are you?” and “What’s your bedroom style?” Remember those? You’d have to fill out a pile of questions and then add them up yourself, flipping from page to page. Now we just lazily click on the multiple choice answer to “Which personality trait is the most sexy?” and “Choose a date activity.” Then, in two minutes or less, you find out that you are best suited to a billionaire who is a highly trained martial artist with massive baggage and a really cool car.

I’m not saying it’s wrong, I’m just saying that our society used to work hard for those kinds of meaningful answers. Are you a Betty or a Veronica? Fill out these fifty questions and then add up all the corresponding numbers.

Speaking of meaningful answers, are you looking for a new and interesting potato chip flavour? Well, have I got the answer for you. I was in Planet Organic the other day and something caught my eye:

Someone liked the flavour of haggis so much they made it into a potato chip!

This I just found funny. “Mature” cheddar and onion.

The more you know, I guess. All this time I’ve been disparaging the cuisine of my ancestors, and lo, it appears that there is a Scottish Culinary Fan Club. Someone thought up the idea to make haggis-flavoured potato chips, then they manufactured said chips, and, apparently, people BUY them. Well, as my grandma would say, it takes all kinds.

When I was growing up there was a woman at our church who cried at everything; every Christmas pageant, baptism, confirmation, or program, the woman was an emotional mess, and just like anything that I may have rolled my eyes at in one point in my life, it has come back to haunt me. I have turned into that woman. Case in point: Music Monday.

“I saw you crying during Lean On Me,” Mark mentioned to me, and of course he did. The kids are still at the point where they check to see if I’m in the audience, wave, and watch me while they are singing. And I will tell you this: 560 kids singing Lean On Me and Is Somebody Singing will have me verklempt every single time. Fortunately the kids also had a recorder performance, which served – for me – to be a bit of comic relief. I will simply say that their classes are not talented recorder players, although it wasn’t as hilarious as the kazoo version of Yellow Submarine. The music teacher must be some kind of Zen master.

Much less funny was the scene looking out my back door on Saturday morning:

Please note how the sky is the same colour as the ground.

Lalalala, it was still snowing this morning…

Mayday, Mayday! My Mayday tree was weighted down with snow until the wind picked up, and never have I been so happy for wind gusts.

Last year on Music Monday it was unusually hot; it was held outside and I was wearing a tank top, and I remember Mark having a little allergy attack due to the blooming poplar trees. Well, the upside here is that no one got a sunburn. Sob.

No, it’s not unusual to get snow in May but there has been so little reprieve this winter. Eight months of snow.

On a much cheerier note, it’s Meme Monday! My darling friend Allison came up with the questions and I am more than happy to answer them, rather than talk about the fact I wore my winter coat and scarf to walk the dog this morning, and I’m fighting a head cold and am a little bit high on Advil Cold and Sinus.

Meme Monday: The Emotional, Head Cold, Snow In May, and I Love Allison Edition

1) What was your favourite subject in school?

In high school, it was definitely calculus, although I also loved drama and English. I liked high school biology because – strangely enough – I liked dissecting things. I know! It seems weird to me too. I liked stoichiometry in chemistry as well, but I really loved calculus; so clean and calming, with steps that led to the right answer. There’s just something I love about coming to the right answer with the right steps, and I feel like I should extrapolate that into a larger topic but, like I said, I’m kind of high on Advil Cold and Sinus right now. I also loved writing “QED” at the end of an answer and I feel like I should incorporate “QED” in my life more often. My high school math teacher would say that math is a journey and that the tools we use are for in our toolbox for success. Again, I may be a little bit high right now but that seems like a metaphor for life.

2) How did you meet your spouse?

We met when he was in grad school and I was an undergraduate, and I remember my first thought upon meeting him: wow, a good looking guy in ECONOMICS?

3) Coffee or tea?

SO MUCH COFFEE. I drink a ton of coffee, but only before 10:30 am. After that, it’s water all the way. I do like tea but I have it only rarely, mostly because I seem to be too lazy to put the kettle on, steep it, and all that. I love buying Yogi tea because each tea bag has an inspirational saying on it, often in the manner of Jack Handy. Sometimes I read the inspirational sayings to myself, ending with “in bed”, the way people used to do with fortune cookies, and it makes me laugh. Clearly, I need to get out more.

4) Public speaking – no big deal, or would you rather die?

I don’t mind public speaking. This may or may not surprise you, but I don’t mind being “on stage”, so to speak.

5) That spider crawling up the water spout – is it “eensy weensy” or “itsy bitsy”?

Itsy bitsy, for sure.

Want to play along? Answer the questions in the comments or on your blog, if you’re a blogger. Meme Mondays – retro blogging at its finest!

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Speaking of retro, on the weekend I met up with a bunch of lovely people from my graduating class. Colin Maier, who is a talented oboeist, is having a Kickstarter campaign to generate funds to record and release his second CD. Click here to pledge! He’s a great guy and it’s sure to be an awesome CD. Every little bit helps.

Oh nothing. Just me hanging out with the famously talented Colin Maier.

Over the past six weeks or so, the kids’ classes have been doing something that I think is pretty cool and interesting, and also indicative of how very different this city is than when I was growing up. Each student chose a tradition that their family celebrates, wrote up a paper or made a poster or Power Point presentation about it, and presented it to the class. Not unlike when the classes did their Olympic celebration, it was a real showcase to the multiculturalism and diversity in our school. Predictably, there were a number of Christmas projects – my own two chose that, in fact – but there were also a large number of Ramadan and Eid projects, Chinese New Year projects, the Moon Festival, and even a Diwali and a Greek Easter.

Then, last week the classes had a potluck celebration, in which students were able to contribute traditional foods from their home countries and whoa, nelly. The buck stops here. Now, there were all sorts of delicious contributions planned: biryami and dumplings, baklava and samosas, tacos and pakodas, and many, many more items. I was a little worried, though. You see, I was eager to contribute but I was at a loss as to what to contribute. The children are a mix of Norwegian, Scottish, Slovakian, English, and German heritage. Lutefisck? Haggis? Sausage? Bangers and mash? Some kind of Slovakian food? Nothing sounded appealing to me in the least until finally I decided on gingersnaps. They were my grandma’s recipe, and I make them every Christmas, so…traditional food in our house?

They were apparently popular at the potluck, but as it turned out one of Mark’s friends had brought haggis. Mark tried, and loved it, which goes to show that you really, really never know what life has in store for you.

Speaking of what life has in store for you, if you’re ever feeling down or low in the self esteem department, may I suggest checking out your “other” messages on your Facebook account? These are messages that can be sent to you by random people, and it’s pretty funny. Clearly, there are many men who are looking for love in all the wrong places. Or, perhaps, they are under the impression that if they send enough random women extraordinarily flattering messages, that they will get lucky, like a blind squirrel getting a nut. Here are a few of the gems that I have received in the past few months from strange men apparently looking for entrance into Canada:

“wow you have a lovely smile and i couldn’t stop staring at your beautiful face. i just want to be a friend. i hope you accept my friendship. have a lovely day.”

“hi nicole just to say you look so pretty have a nice day xx :)”

“Hello, I am Oscar. I am 45 year old and i am italian live California. I came across your profile and it would be my pleasure if we can be close friends…”

But my favourite is the one that informs me – via Facebook – that I am the sole next of kin due to inherit $15.5 million dollars from a fellow who shares my last name and has, sadly, died on 8th of May 2011 as a result of a natural disasters of high winds and torrential rains which capsized the boat he boarded and caused the unfortunate deaths of 36 persons including him. Very dramatic indeed! All I need to do is provide some personal information and the money will be in my account tout de suite. It’s too bad that “Charles Dickson, Esquire” misspelled “administrator” in his letter or I would be all over that.

But even more entertaining than Facebook weirdos is the wide variety of internet search terms used for this blog. “Naked Shuffleboard” is a popular one, which makes me wonder what exactly is going on in seniors’ homes these days. Also popular in the past week are the following: “Carlos Santana wife naked”, “wet clothing girls in pond”, and “huge boner”. This must be disappointing for the searchers in question. On a less pornographic note are the following search terms: “whos the girl in the pajama jeans commercial”, “my favourite sweaterdress”, and “what kind of clock is in the diary of a wimpy kid”.

To answer that last question, I don’t KNOW. I’m not even sure a clock features strongly in any of the books but hey, I do tend to blank out a bit when I’m reading those atrocities with the kids. Maybe there is a clock of importance, I do not know.

I also cannot help with the pajama jeans commercial, although I do want to draw your attention to a new product that I happened to see an informercial for: J-Animals. Or, possibly, J-Amimals, since it’s spelled both ways on the website. I’m assuming the latter is a typo. Anyway, this product is a “wearable stuffed animal”. The pajamas are converted from a stuffed animal, and there are five different styles to choose from, to fit people aged 5 to 105. I’m between 5 and 105! Maybe I’ll order a unicorn, photograph myself wearing that, and just wait for the Facebook offers of love to pour in. People love unicorns, am I right?

I just walked the dog without gloves on, this morning I had to put sunglasses on for my drive home from the yoga shala at 6:35 am, and there are buds on the trees, people. Buds. It’s spring!

It’s also supposed to snow this weekend, which is another sign of spring in the city, albeit a less pleasant one.

Let’s circle back. Spring! Which leads us to spring cleaning. My mother used to do massive spring cleaning every year: washing walls and windows, shampooing carpets, the whole thing. My mother-in-law told me once that HER mother-in-law used to wash walls monthly. In the kindest way, she said “That’s just too much. Once every three or four months is sufficient.” I know she was trying to put me at ease, so I didn’t reply that I never wash walls unless they are to be painted immediately, and often not even then. But I do a kind of spring cleaning: purging closets – although mine is still in “Lululemon avalanche mode” even after a major purge, which indicates that I probably have too many clothes – cleaning cupboards, throwing out expired medicine and sunscreen. This year I had to do even more than that because of the receipt of my new downstairs fridge and freezer.

My pantry shelves AFTER the grand purging and reorganization. This would be a much more dramatic photo if I had thought to take a before photo.

My new fridge and freezer! I love them. I can grocery shop and not have to tearfully shove produce around. Also, I can have cold beer AND food at the same time!

Nicole’s Favourite Things: Spring Cleaning Edition

Is it weird to have a Favourite Things dedicated to spring cleaning? I don’t actually mind cleaning; it’s not like I’m vacuuming in my pearls and heels or anything, but I find it satisfying to have a clean, tidy house. And there’s something nice about switching flannel sheets for regular cotton ones, and taking the extra blankets off the beds, and putting the winter gear away even if it’s going to snow this weekend and we need to take it back out.

Donate and Recycle

Enough about the potential snow. Isn’t it rewarding to clear out boxes and bags of old toys, books, and clothing? There’s always someone who can use them. If you’re like me, though, you can go through the purge with no issues but then forget to drop off the donations, instead leaving them in a giant pile at the bottom of your stairs. And by “your” I mean “my”. Luckily, if you’re in Calgary, there are a number of agencies that do regular pickups: I often donate my items to the Diabetes Association or the Alberta Association for Community Living.

I’m 95% of the way there!

Gardening

This weekend the guys and I did a lot of raking and garden clean up. To me, this is the most satisfying thing about spring, cleaning up piles of dead leaves and plants, and noting the tenacious little sprigs of green underneath. Some people swear by doing this in the fall, but I find that insufficient plant cover leads to dead plants in the spring, and so this is what part of my yard looked like, pre-clean-up.

This is now the view from my kitchen window.

You’ll have to trust me on this: it looks better and greener. It’s all relative. Note that my windows really need cleaning, which leads us to…

White Vinegar

Vinegar is my favourite. I use vinegars in cooking, but white vinegar is the best, and cheapest, cleaning product out there. My friend Dawn wrote this list over at Yummy Mummy Club, and I agree with it all, and more. I use vinegar and water to clean the hardwood, the bathroom floor, windows, kitchen appliances, shower doors, and cupboards. Once in a while I heat up a cup or two of vinegar in the microwave, and add a drop of dish detergent to it, and it cleans away all soap scum. You can also use it in place of bleach to shine your sink, a la the Fly Lady. Just don’t go overboard shining your sink, like Hannah did. It can only lead to madness in the end.

See how clean the shower doors are?

The sink, the mirror, JUST NOT THE GRANITE. Do not use vinegar on granite! Also please ignore the burned out lightbulb.

Vinegar works on tiles too.

Hair and Beauty

I know a lot of people who wash their hair with apple cider vinegar and swear by it. Well, I’ve never tried that, but I have put coconut oil on my dry, processed ends and it works a dream. Of course, you need to really shampoo it out afterwards. I am currently in love with Herbal Essences Bye-Bye Breakage, because my hair is pretty breakage prone (see also: dry and processed). It smells a lot like that shampoo from the 70s, Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific, which is probably why I like it so much. I like to use it and then ask my husband if my hair smells terrific. He does not understand the reference. Usually he just nods. It’s fun living with me!

Further to turning 39 and being on the slow boat to 40, I bought myself Olay Total Effects Foaming Face Cleanser and I have to say, after two days of using it, I do feel like I have “glowing, younger looking skin”. Generally I’m slightly skittish about buying new face products but I think this one is a winner!

Internal Cleansing

I’m not talking about clearing your mind and Ommmmm Shanti, although that’s a good idea. I’m talking about digestive cleansing. Don’t worry! I’m not going to suggest seasonal colonics or anything gross like that. As I mentioned before, I was having trouble buttoning my jeans after my hedonistic vacation alcohol and chip consumption. Since I’ve been home, though, I’ve been having a green smoothie every day for lunch, and voila! Pants are now button-able. I’m also trying my hand at juicing these days, which is very fun and tasty, although the juice I made today – featuring an excessive amount of Swiss chard – tasted exactly like 1970s-style health food. Back to the drawing board and stay tuned! Excellent, non-grass-tasting juice recipes are coming soon to a blog near you!

Wow, was this the most boring, housewifey post I’ve ever written? Possibly. Let’s make things a bit more interesting, how about a giveaway? Leave a comment and let me know if you spring clean, or if you like smoothies or juice, or, well, whatever. Just say hi! Giveaway closes April 30. Prize to be determined! Maybe a 4L jug of white vinegar! I kid. It will be much less functional and practical than that!